"if you manage your time wisely you should be able to partake in both if you want to!!"

that's assuming i even have inspiration or motivation to do music at this point. forcing myself to compose is something i don't do. if i do it results in a shitty song. i don't want to do a shitty song.

i get motivated when i'm inspired, and i get inspired when i get motivated. if one of those doesn't want to cooperate then i just won't feel like working on any songs.

and when i'm inspired, i'm limited with whatever i got which puts my motivation off. not so much genesis/snes/whatever but more instrumental shit

like i'll want to create a track that features a sax, rhodes and a distorted guitar. sure, i can use a soundfont, but it will sound like utter shit unless that's what i'm going for.

or when i get a new tool or library or whatever, i can be motivated but extremely uninspired, and that also puts me off after a while.

some of my recent songs i made when i was uninspired, like advance cosmium and yama-hana. i wasn't happy with them, because i did a lot of things that made no sense.

in advance cosmium, for example, there are a lot of chord choices i'm unhappy with, that i wanted to do better with, but i was uninspired and i had no reference to rely on, so i just left it at that. though that's also because deflemask's ui is literal bottled cancer.

sorry for the unexpected rant, but honestly it's how i feel towards music recently. having a writers block sucks, and if i force myself to write music through the traditional methods (streaming it), i don't like the outcome, or if i do then i can't fucking use it because it's public.

this unmotivation becomes amplified when i work on something for too long. people will say "focus on something else" but that'll just make me abandon the actual song i want to finish, and when i come back to it i'm unhappy with it, so i redo it then the cycle repeats.

tl;dr i'm unmotivated, uninspired and i hate myself for that. sorry for the unexpected wall of text, move on. hæit this all you want.