Shining Armor Shitposting

>You’re sitting at your computer doing your normal late-night shitposting when you stumble across a thread with no replies.
>The post simply reads “Shining Armor is so adorable, who wouldn’t want to be him”.
>Attached is an image of the stallion himself, his warm smile seemingly drawing you towards him.
>On instinct, you click the image, and when you do, you feel your hand cramp up.
“Fucking carpal tunnel–”
>You look down and stare in disbelief as you watch your fingers curl up and shift into a blue hoof.
“The fuck?”
>Your arm twitches with an involuntary spasm as you watch white fur slowly travel up your arm, eventually spreading onto your chest.
>You look down as your chest changes shape to form a decidedly equine barrel.
>Fur travels down your stomach and onto your legs as your other arm slowly changes to match the shifting bone structure of your hoof.
>You look from your white-furred, blue-hoofed arm back up to the image and connect the dots.
“Fucking hell.”
>This has to be a fever dream or something.
>Your stomach gurgles as your torso continues to change shape, your toes now curling up and forming a matching pair of hooves while your legs shift to match a quadrupedal gait.
>You slide off the desk chair and out of your now-too-large clothes as you watch a firm layer of muscle wipe away years of skinnyfat aesthetic while the faintest touch of padding plumps up your ass.
>You raise an eyebrow, but you’re quickly distracted by the beginnings of a muzzle forming right in front of you.
>A lock of blue hair falls in front of your vision as your head changes to match your new body, your ears moving up the side of your head and finding their place in your long, messy mane.
>An ivory spiral pokes its way out of your mane, and you grind your teeth in discomfort as your eyes change size and color.

>Once you’re sure the changes have finished off your head, you crack an eye open and look down to watch a long tail covered in multicolored blue hair poke its way out of your rear.
>You hold your breath as your cock is enveloped in a furry sheath and your balls plump up ever-so-slightly.
>You lay on the floor panting for the next few minutes as your mind tries to wrap itself around what the hell just happened.
>But before you can sit up, you feel the hardwood floor underneath you give way.
“What the hell?!”
>You land in a soft, plush bed that feels miles more comfortable than anything you’ve ever slept on.
>You sit up, and the room you find yourself in is both massive and made of what looks like light blue crystal.
>The full-length mirror beside you confirms your suspicions: you’re Shining Armor now.
>And it looks like this is the Crystal Palace.
>Which means…
>”Oh, Shiny!”
>A voice rings out from behind the large double doors on the other side of the room.
>Mother.
>Fucking.
>Yes.
>Princess Cadence may not be your waifu, but she’s certainly up there.
>You just hope this is pre-Flurry Heart.
>”Shiny, where are you?”
>The voice calls out to you again, a little closer this time.
“In here, beautiful!”
>You hear the sound of clopping hooves on a crystal floor and steady yourself as the door cracks open.
>You have to act natural, or else she’ll notice something’s up.
>Because changelings and shit.
>But when the door opens, you don’t find the svelte mare that you were expecting.
>Instead, the pony that comes through the door is large and bulky, with firm muscles instead of svelte curves.
>His hair is short and wavy, with a deliberately messy feel to it, and his tail is long and full.
>Hell, with his three-tone mane and his pink fur, he almost looks like…
>Oh fuck.

>”There you are, my love.”
>He saunters over to the bed, and before you know it, he’s wrapped you into a tight hug as he plants a long, deep kiss on your lips.
>”I’m so sorry I’m late, but today was exhausting. I ended court as fast as I could, I promise.”
>He slowly presses more of himself into you until, with a gasp, you fall onto the bed.
>The prince immediately closes the gap between you, peppering your neck with kisses.
>”I’m sure I can make it up to you, though.”
>Your mind is spinning as you frantically try to process the last thirty seconds.
>Are you in some shitty AU or something?
>It looks like it.
>Fuck, you gotta get out of here before this gets out of hand.
>You dexterously wriggle your way out of his grip and hop off the plush bed.
“I need a minute, dear. I’ll be right back.”
>He gives you a warm smile.
>”I’ll be waiting.”
>You trot over to an open doorway that leads to what you hope is a bathroom.
>Sure enough, you let the door click closed behind you as you plant your hooves on a crystal tile floor.
>You plant two hooves on the countertop and stare at yourself in the mirror.
>This was not supposed to happen.
>You grimace.
>At least you’re still a stallion where it counts.
>And, even though you’re married to another stallion, at least he isn’t ugly.
>Maybe he’s a bottom?
>With such a girly color scheme, he has to be.
>Shining Armor is the Captain of the Royal Guard, there’s no way he wouldn’t be a top.
>Maybe you can get him to turn himself into a mare?
>You sigh.
>This is going to be fine.
>You tear your eyes away from your new reflection and open the bathroom door.
>Stallion Cadence is lying on the bed, sprawled out and waiting for you.
>He meets your gaze and wiggles his eyebrows, moving a hoof to expose his–
>Yep, that’s a horsecock.

>It’s a dark, muted shade of pink, with a thick ring and a flared tip.
>Your mouth waters and you can feel your own stallionhood stand to attention.
>Stop it, you.
>”Excited, aren’t we?”
>He beckons you over with a hoof, and you make your way over to the bed.
>The stallion leans over to give you another deep kiss, but this time you press forward instead of him.
>He breaks the kiss and gives you an eager grin.
>”Is that how you want it tonight?”
>You assume he’s picked up on your intentions to lead the way and give him a nod.
>With that, he wraps his forelegs around you and, with a heave, pulls you onto the bed beside him.
>”You’re such a pretty little colt.”
>You give him another kiss, this time slipping your tongue past his lips.
>This’ll show him for sure!
>He gives you a hungry look and, just as quickly as you initiated, his tongue springs to action and quickly overpowers yours.
>The large stallion presses into you and pushes you onto your back, pinning your forelegs in place as he draws out the kiss.
>You try to ignore how good it feels to have him on top of you and focus on trying to playfully wriggle your way back on top.
>But, when you feel something warm and firm brush against your stallionhood, you stop in your tracks.
>You look down and watch as he grinds his stallionhood against yours, eliciting a small, unexpected whine from the back of your throat.
>His member is the larger one by a good amount, and you feel your chest drop.
>Y-You’re not the top, are you?
>He jerks your chin back up to meet his hungry grin.
>”Does my colt need to be taught a lesson?”
>You open your mouth, but all that comes out is a small moan.
>”Good colt. Now open wide~”
>He moves forward and, before you know it, there’s a horsecock sliding past your lips.
>You wave your forelegs in surprise, but all you do is run them along the soft fur of his flanks as he slides more of his stallionhood in your mouth.

>It tastes salty and warm, and although you know you should try to get him to stop, you don’t.
>He places his hooves behind your head and slowly eases you forward until you can feel the tip poking at the back of your throat.
>You gulp as you realize what exactly is about to happen.
>He nudges you forward and his cock enters your throat with little resistance.
>Looks like ponies don’t have gag reflexes.
>This is getting bad.
>Your nose twitches as the fur of his chin bumps against your muzzle, and your stallionhood twitches again.
>With his dick firmly planted in your throat, your husband begins thrusting, using the back of your head as leverage as he pumps in and out of your mouth.
>Your eyes roll back in your head as the feeling completely overwhelms you, assaulting all your senses.
>You barely notice when the tip flares up in your throat until he lets out a cry and buries your face in his belly as he releases a torrent of stallion cum inside you.
>His orgasm goes on for what feels like an eternity until you’re almost ready to pass out.
>When he pulls off you, you spend a second catching your breath before looking over to him.
“That was–”
>”Yeah. I really needed that.”
>He rubs your hair with a wingtip.
>”Thanks, hun. I love you.”
>You blush and lean in close to him.
“Awww, I love you too, you big hunk.”
>He gives you a playful grin and tosses the covers over you with his magic, wrapping you in his embrace.
>You know, this isn’t so bad.
>Sure, it might take some time to get used to the whole “sucking a pony’s dick” thing, but, all things considered, it’s better than your old life.
>You hear the sound of magic being channeled through your lover’s horn as the doors to the wardrobe across the room open.
>A teal scrap of fabric lands on your muzzle, and you feel the similar touch of clothing on all four of your legs.

>You peek under the covers and watch as bright teal socks slide all the way up your legs, stretched taut by your Prince’s magic.
>The item filling your vision is lifted off your muzzle, only to make its way down to slide up your hind legs and hug against your ass.
>The tight waistband of what can only be a skirt soon follows suit.
>You let out another gulp when you notice the unmistakable feeling of a collar wrapping around your neck and snapping into place.
>You look over to your husband and see the end of a leash in his hand.
>He yanks the lead and pulls you against him, diving in for a kiss as you feel his magic poke around your tight hole.
>”Now, are you ready for the main event, pet?”
>You can feel his still-wet cock prodding at your tight tailhole, and your stallionhood twitches in anticipation.
>Fuck, you don’t actually want this, do you?
>This is, like, really really gay.
>Your pause is just enough time for your husband to push the tip of his dick inside you, and you let out a gasp of surprise.
>This feels much better than you expected.
>The pleasurable sense of being pushed open spreads as he presses more and more of his length inside of you.
>It felt big when it was in your mouth, but now it feels downright massive.
>To your surprise, you find yourself letting out a moan when you feel his thick medial ring slip inside your ass, and before you know it, he’s bottomed out inside you.
>You’re so full, it feels like you’re about to burst.
>He slides his length out of you slowly, before pushing it back in a little quicker.
>And, with each thrust, he picks up the pace.
>The feeling of the tight pair of panties rubbing against your stallionhood as he pistons in and out of you sends waves of pleasure through your body as you’re fucked senseless under the covers of the bed.

>The pleasure is almost more than you can bear, and you quickly feel yourself coming closer and closer to a mind-shattering orgasm.
>You feel the head of your own stallionhood flare up and prepare to cum buckets, but the feeling of magic surrounding your dick breaks you out of your spell.
>The pink alicorn pulls at your collar again, and his magic turns ice cold.
>”You don’t get to cum until I say so tonight~”
>The cold magic does nothing to lower your arousal, even as your stallionhood starts to deflate.
>Soon, you’re hornier than ever thanks to your stallion’s relentless thrusting, but your member, still subject to his magical manipulation, has retreated into its sheath.
>You feel cold metal wrap around your furry sheath and balls, and hear a mechanism click into place.
>Once it does, his magic retreats, and your stallionhood instantly tries to return to full mast.
>But the metal cage around it keeps you from getting hard.
>Your eyes widen as you realize what he’s put on you, and you let out a quick moan as the feeling only adds to the pleasure of being fucked.
>Your stallion grins and picks up the pace, and, from the look on his face, your degrading outfit is turning him on just as quickly.
>”You like that?”
>You let out a soft moan in response; you don’t know if you could talk right now even if you wanted to.
>He takes that as a yes and keeps pumping in and out of you, his plump balls smacking against your own with each thrust as his cock grinds against your prostate.
>It feels so fucking good, you don’t want it to ever stop.
>But you can already feel his tip flare up in your ass, and your eyes widen as you anticipate what’s coming.
>I-Is he really gonna cum inside?
>He buries himself as deep inside you as he can, and the ropes of hot, thick seed coating your insides answer that for you.

>Your eyes roll back in your head as the pleasure pushes you over the edge, and your own spurts of cum splatter all over the sheets, leaking out of the small metal cage.
>As both your orgasms die down, you stay wrapped up in a tangle of hooves and tails.
>Neither of you have the energy to move a muscle after such an intense rutting.
>That’s really what it was: rutting.
>A-And you liked it.
>You really shouldn’t have liked it, but you do.
>And, hey, at least you’re finally in Equestria.
>The loving stallion and the kinky sex that comes with him are well worth it.
>Sure, you are wondering what else has changed in this universe, but that’s just an excuse to explore the world.
>Above you, Cadence (Bolero? You have no clue.) shifts under the sheets until his hoof comes in contact with something sticky.
>”Shiny?”
“Yeah?”
>”Did you cum?”
>You gulp.
“Y-Yeah.”
>He leans in close until you can feel his hot, tantalizing breath on your ear.
>”Did I let you cum?”
>Your ears droop down, even as the fire in your loins comes back in full force.
“N-No.”
>He tugs on the collar and sends your lips colliding with his, and he gives his tongue a sweep inside your mouth for good measure.
>”No what?”
>You know what he wants you to say.
>And damnit, you want to play along.
“No, master.”

>He pats you on the head and slips his cum-covered cock out of your ass, using his magic to wipe it clean before pushing a large buttplug past your tailhole.
>You gasp at the sudden, unexpected feeling, and the stallion grins.
>”We wouldn’t want to get the bed any dirtier, would we?”
>You meet his eyes and find a spark of something you hadn’t noticed before: pure, unbridled dominance.
“N-No, master.”
>”Good pet.”
>He looks back down at the ropes of cum soaking into the bedsheets.
>Couldn’t he just use his magic to clean it up?
>It wouldn’t be quite as fun, though.
>With a flash of his horn, you’re teleported across the room to an equally large, plush couch, and, before you know it, the leash is wrapped around one of the legs.
>”You’ve been a bad little mare tonight. Good pets don’t cum without permission.”
>Your breath catches in your throat.
“I’m sorry, master.”
>His horn glows again, and you can hear the wardrobe behind you open once again.
>Once he’s found everything he was looking for, he levitates the items in front of you.
>Your pupils shrink as you study the array of very, very kinky gear at the forefront of your vision.
>It’s gonna be a long night.