Story of a boy’s high school love story

Aug 22nd, 2019
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  1. Her name is Haley (Hartshorne)
  2. She's from Ohio
  3. She smiled at me when I walked in to talk with her
  4. Red-Brown hair
  5. Lots of freckles
  7. I think this is going to work ❤️
  8. Nope
  9. Doesn't like me back💔
  10. So now I'm going for Kaitlyn
  11. Actually, probably Zoey now
  12. We're in NEIBA
  13. I actually got to hold her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  14. She never tried to get out of it, so this is probably going to work! 💜
  15. Asked for her number today...
  16. She GAVE it to me!
  17. Getting David to see if she likes me back
  18. I fell like I'm being a wuss
  19. But I want to see
  20. Nope
  21. She doesn't
  22. So I'm gonna try Kaitlyn 💛
  23. Man, I got her number!
  24. I feel so happy!!!!!!
  25. Well she hasn't replied so I don't think she's into me
  26. So I'm going to try Lauren
  27. OMG
  28. Izzy Moes just told me she liked me via text
  29. But she never confirmed at school like I asked her to
  30. Maybe it was a prank
  31. Idk
  32. (Later confirmed that it was Steven pranking me)
  33. Last day of school
  34. Got Lauren's number
  35. Too afraid to call
  36. Ooooh I finally did!
  37. Yes! I really think she's into me!
  38. Nope
  39. Hasn't called back
  40. Doesn't wave in hallways
  41. So I'm going to go for Kasey, who is probably the hottest girl I have ever seen
  42. She’s also an identical twin
  43. Well I haven't gotten to talk with her
  44. So I'm going to try to ask Mercedes to homecoming
  45. If I don't do it tomorrow I will regret it
  46. I already told the people at my table that I would tell them tomorrow
  47. They said they wouldn't tell but with Cavan always holding stuff over my head Idk
  48. Well she already has a boyfriend
  49. And she's kinda in 10th grade?
  50. Yeah, so idk
  51. Kasey probably already has someone to go with
  52. So maybe I'll ask out a girl from my soccer team
  53. Her name is Isabel
  54. I don't know if she likes me but I'm gonna find out real soon
  55. Found a new app called TBH
  56. I got to talk to Kasey with it
  57. Got her number!
  58. She actually wants to have conversations with me!!!!!
  59. Saw her today in the hall
  60. Smiled and waved hi
  61. She did back!
  62. I feel awesome
  63. She's the hottest girl I know, so if this works out...
  64. I'm going to be one happy guy
  65. Now she's apologizing for leaving so quickly
  66. I really think she's into me!!!
  67. Oh man oh man oh man
  68. She's probably not
  69. She thought we were just talking as friends
  70. I was talking to her as a friend, but I want to be more than friends
  71. Maybe she's just playing along like I am
  72. WPA is coming up, I'm probably going to accept anyone that asks me out
  73. Nobody did, but I kinda figured that
  74. I mean, there’s a few people I like
  75. Not sure if I’m going to go for them though
  76. I had a long drawn out conversation with Kasey
  77. She’s not into me, but that’s fine I guess
  78. I also asked out Waverly, a cute redhead in my Spanish class
  79. She said she likes me, but doesn’t want to “hold me back” because she might be moving
  80. So I met Nicole in English
  81. She talks to me a LOT
  82. She might like me
  83. I asked her for her number, and she refused
  84. Definitely not interested
  85. Here we are at the end of the school year
  86. Whatever
  87. Okay, so I’m back in school
  88. I met three new girls that might be into me
  89. Rileigh, Janna, and Marissa
  90. All three of them talk with me a lot
  91. Okay so Rileigh is dating Eli
  92. So Marissa and Janna
  93. I talk to both of them frequently
  94. I talk with Janna after Spanish and with Marissa during English
  95. I laugh a ton with Janna
  96. She’s probably into me (however I’ve assumed wrong many times)
  97. Cavan thinks she’s really into me
  98. I really hope so
  99. I talked with Henry at show choir
  100. He says “he approves” lol
  101. I think this just might work
  102. I mean with Marissa it might work too
  103. But I’m doing a lot more with Janna
  105. Lads, this might be where I end the story
  106. I’m sorry, it was just getting interesting
  107. But I eventually asked Janna
  108. And she said YES!!!
  109. Nothing can explain the happiness I am feeling right now
  110. But I started talking with her
  111. We talked for about 45 minutes before I said “wait”
  112. Here’s dialogue of what happened next
  113. J: “What?”
  114. L: “Is it obvious?”
  115. J: “Just a little”
  116. L: “Well, I can’t deny it anymore, I really... like you, you’re just so sweet, I cry every night by reading your texts because of how sweet you are”
  117. At this point a guy walks up behind me, I notice and hold the door for him, he says thanks
  118. Continue dialogue:
  119. J: “Come on in, I don’t like the beeping”
  120. The door beeps if it’s open for too long
  121. I step inside
  122. J: “I’m the kind of person that really denies it to myself, but I like you too... you’re just such a sweet, amazing person”
  123. I have a small boner at this point, but it keeps growing and I’m getting anxious that she’ll see
  124. L: “and you’re just a cute, sensitive person”
  125. J: “Stop, you’re going to make me cry”
  126. She wipes tears from her eyes
  127. L: “Does this mean... we’re...”
  128. J: “What do you think?”
  129. L: “I hope so”
  130. J: “It’s up to you”
  131. L: “I choose yes”
  132. J: “Text me back later with your answer”
  133. L: “All right.”
  134. At this point she leaves, we say bye
  135. L: (yelling to her) “Have fun at your study table!”
  136. J: “I won’t!”
  137. L: “Try anyway”
  138. I went back inside, feeling too happy to describe
  139. So this very well might be the end of the story
  140. I guess if we ever break up it’ll resume again, but I don’t think we’ll break up for a while
  141. So once again, I’m sorry lads
  142. But thanks for reading
  143. And remember, if I can get through all these without dying, you can too
  145. Okay lads, story’s been reinstated
  146. Hours after it was discontinued
  147. Due to the fact she sent me a text saying “Hey, you are an amazing person and great friend! I've been thinking about what we talked about and i think that it would be for the best if we stayed friends and got to know each other that way.”
  148. So I’m asking if she’ll ever have feelings for me
  149. Today’s been a mix of emotions
  150. I just want to get this straight
  151. So I’m asking that right now
  152. If she will, then I’m fine
  153. If not, then time to go for Isabel
  154. I just... I really don’t know what else to add
  155. Just that I thought that I made it
  156. Thought that I won
  157. At least for a little bit
  158. Nope
  159. Blindsided
  160. Think again
  161. That’s how I feel at least
  162. I really just want all of this suffering to end
  163. But I don’t know if it ever will
  164. I’m even too afraid to talk to Cavan about this
  165. I may tell him tomorrow once I get an answer
  166. But now is not the time
  167. Now I’m fighting a life-and-death battle
  168. And it all pertains to what she answers that question with
  169. [expletive]
  170. She doesn’t like me
  171. And I asked Isabel about bowling, if she was going because she was on the bowling team
  172. And she blocks me
  173. Straight up blocked on SnapChat
  174. I’m not going to try texting her
  175. Maybe I made it too obvious?
  176. Anyways, I tugged at Janna a little more
  177. But it’s obvious she doesn’t like me
  178. And she’s not going to
  179. I said (and I quote): “Okay if you think I'm trying to do everything in my power to get you to go out with me, you're wrong.”
  180. I added it sounded a little harsh but I need her to know
  181. Now she barely even waves at me in the halls
  182. We don’t talk after Spanish
  183. I’m really just never going to get anyone
  184. I started a new snap story called “behind my fake smile” where I basically recall a ton of things that I don’t like or I [expletive] about my life
  185. 7 people wanted to see it, and Kylie Egbert and Kylie Fink both wanted to (and they’re both pretty hot)
  186. I haven’t added anything from here but I probably will eventually
  187. I also have lacked the will to do a lot of things
  188. I don’t even want to go to band or choir anymore, and I love those classes
  189. I swear I’m probably getting depression
  190. I need someone to talk to
  191. But being the idiot I am I’m probably just going to find an online chat room and see if I can help myself
  192. Or if I really just should die
  193. Like people tell me all the time
  194. I went on to the national suicide hotline online chat
  195. Took super long to get paired up
  196. The person that I was paired with didn’t seem like they spoke English
  197. That just made me more depressed
  198. Rileigh is trying to get me help but I don’t want it
  199. I’m just going to fall behind in my classes again and continue to lack motivation to do anything
  200. But I’ve finally realized
  201. My life sucks
  202. I used to say “it’ll get better”
  203. But it never does
  205. Alright lads, I may end up killing myself
  206. I don’t want it to get to that point but it’s coming closer every day
  207. So if this story stops suddenly, either I forgot about it or I died
  208. I’m going to call the suicide hotline
  209. See if they have anything they could help me with
  210. Finished the 16-minute call
  211. The guy introduced himself as Patrick
  212. Really nice guy
  213. Helped me with a lot of stuff
  214. I’m crying right now because I don’t think I know anyone that cares about me this much
  215. Except maybe Rileigh, but I’m not going to cry in front of my friends
  216. Stuff will get out
  217. Either people will think we’re dating or they’ll think I’m a crybaby
  218. But talking with him helped me so much
  219. I’m sure almost everyone on the staff is super helpful and supportive
  220. Except for the person I talked with on online chat yesterday
  221. But I’m so glad I called
  222. I hope that anyone experiencing these kinds of emotions calls to get help
  223. Because that really helped me out
  224. He wants me to “find my true self”
  225. My real personality
  226. Something I haven’t put much thought into
  227. Are girls really worth it all?
  228. If I ask another one out and they reject me, I’ll just call again
  229. It shouldn’t be too hard
  230. They’ll make me feel much better
  231. He also wanted me to talk with a counselor
  232. Which I might do
  233. He also said “it’s okay to be selfish every once in a while”
  234. Which I need to start doing
  235. I love making other people happy more than I love making myself happy
  236. I wish my parents were this supportive
  237. My dad would probably just say “you think you have it bad?” And talk about what he had when he was a kid
  238. My mom would probably just laugh at me
  239. Both would tell me “yes, kill yourself”
  240. I’m positive that if I killed myself, they either wouldn’t care or would be glad
  241. Same with my siblings
  242. Same with most of my friends
  243. It wouldn’t be the same for them
  244. But they’d probably understand, wouldn’t they?
  245. So I talked with a counselor after much arguing with Rileigh
  246. Gave him background details on Monday
  247. Today he called me in and started to talk with me about it
  248. He said I should start writing things down to let out my emotion
  249. Well, here it is lads
  250. I’m going to be much more active here
  251. Talking about every day basically
  252. Today I talked a little with Janna
  253. But things aren’t the same
  254. It was awkward the entire time
  255. We didn’t have much to talk about either
  256. Anyways, I think I might try getting closer to Sarah
  257. A week or two ago I found out she doesn’t have a boyfriend
  258. So maybe I can take that spot
  259. We don’t know each other very well at all
  260. But I want to change that
  261. I just don’t know how
  262. I might also start going for Myles too
  263. I mean she’s pretty hot
  264. When she got that spray tan she was pretty ugly actually
  265. But I still should’ve paid more attention to her when we were in a group together
  266. However Myles is one of those “rich white girls”
  267. I don’t think many of them would be interested in me anyway
  268. Probably going to go for Sarah
  269. Get Rileigh to get some info
  270. She can be my wingman because they’re best friends
  271. We’ll see what happens
  273. Okay so today I saw Janna and Olivia Schneider in the hall and I went up to talk with them
  274. Olivia was fine with it
  275. Janna seemed a little overly happy
  276. I talked with them for a little bit
  277. Olivia had to leave
  278. I talk with Janna
  279. We do our normal play-fighting
  280. She seems happy
  281. She’s much more enthusiastic than when I talk with her after Spanish
  282. I’ve narrowed down why that is:
  284. 1. Because there weren’t many people around us
  285. 2. Because I wasn’t talking with Ethan as well
  286. 3. She thought it was awkward when we talked after everything we texted about and wanted to keep it the same
  287. 4. She likes me
  289. Well number 4 is obviously not true, so we’re going with the first 3
  290. Not sure which it is yet
  291. I might put it up to a test
  292. But why would it matter
  293. A few days ago, I got some advice on a reddit post
  294. I posted something about how to ask someone out after being rejected 12 times
  295. Someone commented “the trick is to not give a [expletive] about the outcome
  296. Someone else said “Ask yourself: why would I want to date someone that wasn’t physically attracted to me?”
  297. These made me feel a lot better
  298. I’m going to start with this stuff
  299. Maybe when I go for Sarah or Myles
  300. Okay, so I have so many friends that are willing to talk with me and help me through this
  301. Zachary talked to me and said “I would be really sad if you died” and I’m texting Janna right now and she’s telling me how good of a friend I’ve been to her even though I know she’s lying
  302. Would anyone be truly sad if I died?
  303. I’m sure some people would
  304. But they’d move on
  305. Just like I did
  306. I never have motivation to do anything, but I need some
  307. Today we were reading “Breaking Through” and one of the questions said “is there any time academics have taken a back seat in your life?”
  308. Yes, right now
  309. Because I’m depressed
  310. And may end up killing myself
  311. I lack interest in the stuff I used to love
  312. Band, choir, soccer
  313. All of it
  314. I’m too tired right now
  315. But it’s going to keep me up anyway so why not talk about it now?
  317. Why have I lost my sanity after Janna rejected me?
  318. Why not after Kasey, the hottest girl I know?
  319. Is it because I don’t think she has a chance to get a boyfriend but still rejected me anyway?
  320. Am I really that mean?
  321. This is why I feel like shit
  322. I completely deserve it
  324. Well, I told the counselor about my suicidal thoughts
  325. And he told my mom
  326. I dreaded coming home
  327. I didn’t tell her anything
  328. It seemed like she was trying to make me feel bad
  329. I know she wasn’t trying to
  330. But I can’t bring myself to say anything
  331. I had to tell her “I’m fine” over 100 times
  332. But she finally let me go
  333. I’m glad
  334. I’m relieved
  335. I can’t let anyone know
  337. So I actually ended up doing the JFast thing
  338. But it did so much more harm then help
  339. I had to go and talk to a guy so that he could see if I was in an abusive household
  340. Which I’m not
  341. I had to talk to a doctor to see what was happening
  342. I’m not clinically depressed, I just have depressed moods
  343. I’m not doing anything else with JFast
  344. I’m not talking to the counselor anymore
  345. And I finally realized something
  346. Relationships are the main thing bringing me down
  347. But relationships in college are going to be so much different than relationships in high school
  349. I’m much happier now
  350. I don’t know what it is
  351. Maybe just getting back into the swing of things
  352. Asking people out
  353. Getting rejected
  354. The good ‘ol times
  355. I could go for Sarah
  356. For Myles
  357. For Paige, even
  358. For Kristie
  359. For the girl that stands next to me in choir
  360. I don’t know her name but she’s pretty hot as well
  361. I have a lot of options
  362. And all of this has left me with one truth
  363. I just don’t give a fuck anymore
  364. Not at all
  365. I need to build up a friendship
  366. Sure, that’s the toughest part
  367. Not getting rejected anymore
  368. Just building a friendship
  369. And that’s only because it takes a while
  370. We’ll see what happens, I guess
  372. So I learned the name of that girl in choir is Jaynie
  373. Has light blonde hair
  374. Brown eyes
  375. Clear skin
  376. A few inches shorter than me
  377. She seems really nice and kinda shy
  378. Except she talks with Donovan a ton
  379. And so do I
  380. I might need Donovan to be my wingman
  381. But I’m also going for Sarah
  382. With Rileigh as my wingman
  383. Donovan doesn’t seem like the best wingman
  384. But I don’t really have any other options, do I?
  385. She probably isn’t interested
  386. But I really hope she is
  387. I’m just helplessly chasing, but she might
  388. Unlike Janna or Marissa or Zoey or Kaitlyn or anyone else that I’ve asked out
  390. So I’m talking with Sydney
  391. She goes to Xavier
  392. We both like each other
  393. But we have yet to tie the knot
  394. I talked with Jaynie as Donovan after choir today
  395. She’s pretty cute as well
  396. She complimented me
  397. She thought I should have made chamber singers
  398. I told her I was probably on the higher end and she agreed
  399. She’s just so hot
  400. I melt inside every time I see her
  401. Those hazel eyes
  402. Light blonde hair
  403. She is so cute
  404. Freckles
  405. All of that
  406. She is just so amazing
  408. So I’ve talked with Sydney a lot more
  409. She wants to take things REALLY slowly
  410. Well she better hurry up otherwise I might be dating Jaynie by the time she wants us to be together
  411. Who am I kidding?
  412. Someone line Jaynie is never going to be interested in someone like me
  413. But I do know quite a few things about her
  414. Birthday is June 17
  415. A cat-lover
  416. Has a mean cat that she still loves
  417. Usually responds with one or two words normally
  418. Will send snaps occasionally
  419. Is good friends with one brown-eyed soprano 2
  420. Great friends with Donovan
  421. Made Bella Voce
  422. Has taken a liking to me
  423. Not sure if it’s a romantic liking
  424. Sometimes wears glasses, sometimes doesn’t
  425. Her blonde hair is usually normal, straight down
  426. And she is just super cute
  427. I love talking with her
  428. Spending time with her
  429. Just thinking about her makes me melt inside
  430. Joint-hottest person I’ve met
  431. Tied with two others
  432. The Shanahan twins
  433. But she’s so caring, and likeable, and such a great person to be around
  434. I really hope she likes me back
  435. But there’s no way
  436. But I’m surely going to try anyway
  437. So Jaynie doesn’t start conversations with me
  438. And she didn’t say goodnight last time I texted her it
  439. So she probably doesn’t like me
  440. Like I figured
  441. But like now I’m a little worried
  442. I’ve been having thoughts at LEAST 4 months ago
  443. That Janna doesn’t seem like she’ll get a boyfriend any time during high school
  444. She turned me down
  445. Probably the only guy she talks with that’s not a freshman
  446. While I understand she could go out with a freshman
  447. The freshmen she talks to are kind of awkward, and shorter than her
  448. If that’s what she wants, go her
  449. But even people like Henry thought we’d be a cute couple
  450. And we really would’ve been
  451. But it’s not to be
  452. And I swear she may come crawling back
  453. But am I really going to accept her if she does?
  454. Would that be ultimate desperation for both of us?
  455. It would be for her
  456. But idk for me
  457. Still, it really would depend
  458. If I already have a girlfriend
  459. If she’s only saying that because of something I’ve done
  460. If she means it
  461. If she really truly wants to be with me and isn’t doing it out of pity
  462. Because I need to figure out all of that before I make my choice
  463. But I really doubt she will come crawling back, even IF she can’t find a boyfriend
  464. I don’t know
  465. I just kinda wanted to rant
  466. I’m not really mad
  467. I just kinda needed to let stuff out
  469. So apparently we were setting something up for me and Sydney to meet
  470. Until she basically just said “wait no”
  471. And that hit me hard
  472. Especially because the reason I turned back to Spotafriend was because of Janna doing that EXACT SAME THING
  473. And I just couldn’t take it
  474. I doubt she even wants to get to know me
  475. I guess I don’t really care anymore
  476. I’m just meant to be alone
  477. Maybe my time in college will come
  478. But as of right now, nope
  479. I already know what it’s like getting to know people and asking them out
  480. So I’ll just remember that and go into college like that
  481. And now me and Sydney are talking like nothing happened
  482. Which I guess I’m fine with
  484. So me and Sydney met
  485. And it was great
  486. We really liked each other
  487. And then tonight
  488. She says it’s not working anymore
  489. We “break up”
  490. And honestly
  491. It’s not such a bad thing
  492. I don’t need a girl to survive
  493. Plus college relationships are going to be so much different
  494. I’m glad about what I learned
  495. And we’re still friends
  496. But idk if I can talk to her the same again
  497. Maybe we’re both just tired
  498. But I really think it’s over between us
  499. And that’s all I have to say
  500. There goes lucky number 13
  501. I kinda wish we were still together
  502. But now I know a girlfriend is something I don’t need
  503. And that’s what I’m glad about
  505. So we got back together after that
  506. And then she did basically he same thing to me (like above)
  507. She won’t tell me anything I did wrong
  508. So I’m asking her friend Elizabeth
  509. And Elizabeth is telling me some things
  510. But not everything
  511. So at least I’m learning what I can do about my shitty personality
  512. Also I’m getting into cutting myself
  513. It’s a small thing
  514. Something that I’ve stopped
  515. Something that I can stop
  516. But idk
  517. It might flare up again
  518. Not sure
  519. So I said something about fat girls and how I didn’t like them
  520. So never say anything about that
  522. Elizabeth says I’m probably not the best at expressing that I’m not a terrible person
  523. She told me to be the person I am when I’m the happiest
  524. Which is when I’m with Sydney
  525. And that’s obviously not happening
  526. She told me it’s something I need to figure out for myself
  527. But I don’t know how to figure it out
  529. Okay okay okay
  530. Me and Sydney had a conversation
  531. And I felt much better afterwards
  532. She told me why she lost feelings for me
  533. Because of a lot of things that were lies
  534. And we were at each other’s throats
  535. But I said something I really meant
  536. And she thought I was lying
  537. So I realized that she doesn’t trust me
  538. And that the truths I told were lies
  539. So I’m glad she broke up with me
  540. I’m much better now
  542. So we were becoming friends again
  543. And last night she said she like likes me but doesn’t want to get back together
  544. Which was fine
  545. But I ended up doing a few things
  546. One, I got upset, I don’t even remember why
  547. Next, I took a knife and cut myself
  548. And I also apparently hurt her because she made me depressed
  549. And now I’m all fine and peachy
  550. She wants to be left alone
  551. And I’m fine with that
  552. If I don’t need to talk to that [expletive], then that’s a win in my book
  553. So we’re going to keep this story going
  554. I don’t want to lose it so I’m going to save it somewhere
  555. I guess we’ll see where this next relationship takes us
  556. But I really hope that I don’t have to deal with everything I went through
  557. Sydney impacted me in more ways than I could’ve imagined
  558. Some good, some bad
  559. But now that chapter is over
  560. And I’m starting a new one
  561. Let’s see what happens
  563. So today I hinted at us dating again
  564. And she wasn’t as opposed to it as she was before!
  565. I’d want to date her again, but won’t it just end the same as before?
  566. I’m willing to try
  567. If it doesn’t work out, whatever
  568. I’ll move on
  569. I promise
  570. She hasn’t even said yes to it though
  571. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow
  573. Well I decided not to address it, as it wasn’t important
  574. Well not extremely important
  575. I talked with her
  576. Told her to call me back because she had to go
  577. She never did
  578. I tried calling her 5 different times
  579. Never picked up
  580. And to top it all off, I was unadded on Snapchat because her friend didn’t like me
  581. First of all, she should’ve told her friends good things about me, because that’s the reason her friends hate me
  582. Second, I told my friends tons of good things about her
  583. I’m really wishing I didn’t now, because shit went down last night
  584. I was talking with one of her friends (who claims she doesn’t hate me, but I’m pretty sure she does)
  585. And she started going off on me about making Sydney’s friend seem like the bad guy
  586. What
  587. The
  588. [expletive]
  589. Her friend LITERALLY stole Sydney’s phone
  590. Unadded me because she thought I was a bad person when she doesn’t even KNOW me
  591. And now I’M the bad guy for bringing it up?
  592. I was done
  593. I said stuff to calm down the friend
  594. And then I asked what I should do
  595. She said “stop talking to Sydney”
  596. And so I did
  597. I told her thanks for everything she’s taught me
  598. And I ended it with “and, for probably the last time ever, goodnight.”
  599. And that was the end of it
  600. We haven’t talked since
  601. Only time will tell whether we’ll each move on or one of us will come crawling back
  603. And time did tell
  604. She came crawling back
  605. However it wasn’t to get back together
  606. Two days ago we started talking
  607. She got mad at me
  608. I got mad at her
  609. We talked the next day
  610. She got mad at me
  611. I got mad at her
  612. Today, she was telling me a story
  613. About how her youth group leader hates me now
  614. Because her friend exaggerated details about me
  615. Keep in mind she’s never told any of her friends anything good about me
  616. And this friend I’m talking about has never met me
  617. So I got mad
  618. But I didn’t let her know that
  619. She asked “do you still want to talk to me?”
  620. And I said “well, I don’t know”
  621. She asked “what do you mean?”
  622. I said “I need a few days, a break, to gather my thoughts”
  623. And she said “okay. Bye.”
  624. I thought “well, that was sudden. Glad to know how much you actually care about talking to me.”
  625. Burn i didn’t say that
  626. All I said was “bye.”
  627. Am I going to message her back?
  628. I don’t know
  629. But I’m trapped in this circle
  630. If I talk to her her friends are just going to get mad at her
  631. Because of what SHE did
  632. And no matter how much I dislike how she handled our entire relationship
  633. I can’t wish that upon her
  634. I’ve been told I’m too nice
  635. I don’t like hurting people unless they’ve messed with me
  636. And while she has, I still see some good in her
  637. I don’t know what it is
  638. But somewhere
  639. Somehow
  640. I see some good in her
  641. And if I’m being honest
  642. She broke up with me
  643. But that makes me feel much better
  644. Because I can’t deal with another relationship like that
  645. It usually takes me a few days to get over a breakup
  646. But if I see signs of this happening again
  647. ESPECIALLY if she doesn’t tell her friends anything good about me
  648. I’m going to break it off
  649. I don’t care how bad it is
  650. I will break it off
  651. With this, I have made myself a promise
  652. If I break this promise, no punishment will be served
  653. Because going through this Hell again will be punishment enough and THEN some
  654. I’m not going to call her until AT LEAST 3 days have passed
  655. And if I’m being honest, I may never call her again
  656. I’m stuck reminiscing at what could’ve been
  657. If she had just handled it better
  658. And while I definitely have to take the blame for a lot of stuff
  659. Had she not done those things, I wouldn’t be dealing with this
  660. I have low self-esteem
  661. I’ve always had it
  662. And I always have voices in my head that tell me that I can’t do it
  663. That I’m not strong enough
  664. That I’ll never amount to anything
  665. But even they won’t dare to go and say “you deserve this”
  666. Because I know for a fact
  667. I don’t
  668. She doesn’t either
  669. But it’s her fault that I’m in this mess
  670. And she’s just living her life
  671. So I need to show that I’m much better off without her
  672. I better start working out my arms
  673. As a soccer player, my legs are already pretty muscular
  674. And girls love guys that look strong
  675. So he can protect them
  676. So that’s what I’m going to do
  677. So let’s get to it
  678. And about Sydney
  679. Her friend Jackie deleted my number from Sydney’s phone
  680. And blocked me on Sydney’s Snapchat
  681. And I’m concerned
  682. For Sydney
  683. Is Jackie trying to control her?
  684. I heard Jackie is overprotective
  685. And Sydney is fond of her
  686. But she:
  687. 1. Exaggerated every tiny detail about me to the point where it seems like I’m a creepy perverted rapist
  688. 2. Literally does stuff to Sydney’s phone when SHE HASN’T EVEN MET ME
  689. 3. Sydney even AGREES with some of the stuff she says about me
  690. I think I’ve decided
  691. I’m not calling her back for a looooooooooooooong time
  692. And if I call her
  693. It’s going to be about that
  694. I don’t care how mad she gets
  695. If she stops talking to me after that it’ll actually be a good thing
  696. Because she caused all of this
  697. I can’t believe it
  698. I thought she liked me
  699. I really thought she did
  700. Either she’s literally stupid, or she doesn’t care
  701. And that’s what I’ve narrowed it down to
  702. I don’t know which it is
  703. But it’s definitely one of those two
  704. I’m mad now
  705. I know I’m ranting
  706. But I swear, everything I just said is true
  707. No matter how mad I am
  708. I’m going to tell the truth
  709. There is an old saying that says “there are 3 sides to every story, yours, theirs, and the truth.”
  710. But you don’t get to hear theirs
  711. Which is why I’m committed to making this the complete truth
  712. So you all get a fair representation of what happened
  713. Maybe I’m in the wrong
  714. Maybe it’s my fault
  715. But Sydney handled the BEGINNING of our relationship terribly
  716. And the end
  717. And everything in the middle
  718. I’m glad we’re broken up
  719. I’m glad I told her I need a break
  720. And honestly, I’d just like to be free from all of this
  721. So maybe these next two years I won’t be doing anything dating-wise
  722. But I had someone that told me to try again
  723. And so I will
  724. I will do my best
  725. And I will continue on my way
  726. These wounds will heal
  727. And I will walk around unscathed
  728. But only time will tell
  729. I’ll see you then
  731. So I talked with her
  732. And blew up
  733. Dialogue is as follows:
  734. L: So why aren’t you telling them good things about me? A good girlfriend should be making all her friends want to meet me.
  735. S: I am
  736. L: Elizabeth (one of her friends) said you haven’t said anything good about me
  737. S: I don’t usually talk with Elizabeth
  738. L: How many, like 100 good things to one bad thing?
  739. S: Yes
  740. L: So then why do they hate me?
  741. S: Because they only remember the bad stuff
  742. L: I have 0 friends that if they heard 100 good things about someone and one bad thing, they would absolutely hate them. In fact, they’d probably want to be friends with them. If that’s the way that all your friends think, then I’m sorry, but you need to find new friends.
  743. S: ...
  744. L: Well, do you have anything to say?
  745. S: I do tell them good things
  746. L: Stop pulling that shit with me
  747. S: It’s getting late I should get to bed
  748. L: It’s only 8:50
  749. S: Why should you get to decide when I go to bed?
  750. L: Who said I was deciding? I’m allowed to try and influence your opinion, am I not?
  751. S: Goodbye Lucas
  752. L: Goodnight Sydney
  753. *call ended*
  754. At this point, I think she’ll come crawling back within 2 weeks, because she has before
  755. 15 minutes later, she texts me:
  756. I need to stop talking to u
  757. Ur right
  758. I literally can’t sleep it’s all my fault
  759. I screwed it up
  760. I’m stupid and I mess things up
  761. And I was just like “wow, okay, you didn’t want to get with me before but NOW you do? Well [expletive] you then.”
  762. My parents told me not to respond to her
  763. Because it would mess with her feelings
  764. Which is exactly what she did to me for over a month
  765. So I did
  766. And then the next day late at night, all I texted her was “we each need time to realize what each of us really wants”
  767. Then she calls me 2 days later because she had a nervous breakdown
  768. And she wants to play it off like nothing happened
  769. She said I had to talk quick because she had to go somewhere
  770. But I think it was just because she didn’t want me to start talking about her friends
  771. And that’s where we are now
  772. I’ll keep you guys updated
  774. So we talked again
  775. And she actually picked me up for a ride
  776. And we had a fun time
  777. And I’m feeling pretty good
  778. Fast forward to a few days later
  779. Today she told me “can you tell Noah he’s my favorite twin?”
  780. (I am a twin)
  781. I said “no”
  782. And she’s like “oh”
  783. And I’m like “that hurt”
  784. And she says “well you hurt me multiple times”
  785. I’m not having any more of that
  786. I say “well you manipulated my feelings for 3 months”
  787. And she says “well you did that to me too”
  788. So I say “well, I thought I was in an actual caring relationship, but sure, we’ll go with that”
  789. She hangs up on me
  790. A giant smile emerges on my face and I don’t even realize it for a few seconds
  791. And I text her “goodnight” on Snapchat
  792. She’s probably going to block me
  793. But I don’t care
  794. Idk if she’s toxic
  795. And I’m sure I started some of this [expletive]
  796. But I know I need to cut toxic people out of my life
  797. So maybe if she blocks me that’ll be a new beginning
  798. Which I might need honestly
  799. There’s another quote I saw
  800. “Falling in love wasn’t my mistake, it was falling in love with the wrong person”
  801. I knew before, but now it’s much clearer
  802. Sydney is that wrong person
  803. I fell in love with her
  804. I shouldn’t have
  805. How dumb am I, staying with it longer than I should’ve?
  806. But all of that is over now
  807. And I’m feeling good
  808. And it’s not over
  809. She sent me a thumbs up emoji
  810. So I said “sleep well”
  811. “Have a good night” followed by a blushing smiley face
  812. And she said “don’t do that”
  813. So I said “don’t do what”
  814. And she hasn’t replied
  815. And I doubt she will
  816. But I know I got to her
  817. I’m feeling good
  818. After having my feelings manipulated for 3 months
  819. Getting one day back at her, just one night
  820. Feels really good
  821. And with that, I’m signing off for tonight
  822. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow still feeling good
  823. Hopefully I will
  824. Because, and I shouldn’t be saying this, but...
  825. I deserve to feel good about that
  826. Do you guys agree?
  827. Goodnight, I’ll write some more tomorrow
  829. So this isn’t tomorrow, but I’ll tell you what happened
  830. We started talking like normal again
  831. We’re good friends and we’re helping each other out
  832. And this girl named Grace found me on Instagram
  833. We both liked each other
  834. We met a few times
  835. And then we basically broke off the relationship
  836. She said something about we need to talk
  837. I told her I needed time to think
  838. She wanted to keep talking to me
  839. And then today
  840. She said “I told my friends I think I found my future husband”
  841. Yeah, no
  842. I’m a Junior in high school
  843. Like what the [expletive]
  844. And she thinks it’s completely fine to be like that
  845. What are the chances we go to the same college?
  846. What are the chances that we stay together for 6 years, 4 of them long distance?
  847. Nope
  848. Not dealing with it
  849. We broke it off
  850. And all of the friends I’ve told said I’ve made the right decision
  851. Now I just have to tell Sydney what happened
  852. Idk what she’ll think
  853. But we’ll see
  855. So I’m talking with Grace
  856. And all is going fine
  857. We’re not dating
  858. And nothing too big is happening
  859. But something happened tonight
  860. With Sydney
  861. We got in a fight
  862. Dialogue is as follows:
  863. L: I mean your friends all hate me
  864. S: I didn’t try to make them hate you, plus all of your friends hate me too
  865. L: Okay I said it once I’ll say it again, you manipulated my feelings for 3 months
  867. L: I wasn’t trying to though
  868. S: ME NEITHER
  869. L: Well... I don’t know...
  870. S: WHAT?
  871. L: I need to make sure you learn from this, because I don’t want anyone to go through what i has to
  872. S: Why do you make yourself sound so awesome?
  873. L: What?
  874. S: Just like “I did this” “I did that”
  875. L: I don’t get it
  876. S: Never mind
  877. L: Anyways, you intentionally manipulated my feelings.
  878. S: How?
  879. L: Well two weeks into us talking, you block me over something stupid, then unblock me a week later, then you block me AGAIN over something else stupid, then we’re fine, then we date and you break up with me, so do you see why I’m not sure you learned anything?
  880. S: I already know, I’m a terrible person, I hate myself for what I did
  881. L: YOU broke up with ME
  882. S: I KNOW, I hate myself already i don’t need you dragging me down more!
  883. L: I’m not trying to drag you down, I just need you to understand and learn from it. Nobody should have to go through what I went through. It isn’t right.
  884. S:...
  885. L: I just... don’t know anymore
  886. S: I have to go (her sister’s practice gets over in 25 minutes but I hear a quivering to her voice)
  887. I don’t say anything
  888. She hangs up
  889. And I go straight to typing this
  890. That’s all fresh in my head
  891. I’ll probably get some sleep and come to a consensus tomorrow on what to do
  892. I want to be friends with her
  893. But neither of us can move on from the past
  894. In this conversation she told me she moved on
  895. But then I think I heard her crying
  896. So has she really?
  897. Either way she broke up with me
  898. And I’m not taking her back
  899. No matter how much I like her
  900. Never
  901. Not again
  902. I don’t care if she does or doesn’t
  903. Oh my god
  904. My heart is racing so fast
  905. At Kingston Stadium
  906. Before my marching band performance
  907. Today, I saw her walking back and I tapped her on the shoulder and said “hi.” She looked at me, said “oh my god,” then proceeded to run to the bus to cry. I started talking to one of her friends. One of her friends that hates me, and he just said “you better keep walking.” I probably could’ve beat him in a fight but I didn’t want to fight anyone. I left and went up into the stands, fully knowing that she was crying and I felt good.
  908. I am shaking
  909. My heart is beating
  910. And I still have to march the show
  911. And her friends might want to beat my ass
  912. But I just asked the sousaphones if they would help me fight them
  913. And they’re on my side
  914. So we’re good
  916. So we started talking
  917. Good friends again
  918. That was all fine and dandy
  919. Then she sees my post on reddit
  920. About relationship advice
  921. And she gets mad
  922. AND she gets her best friend and her sister on my ass about it
  923. Her best friend said she absolutely hated me
  924. We had a marching band competition that night
  925. Sydney told me not to go up to her
  926. So what did I do?
  927. I just stood around her band
  928. And took a picture to show her how close I was because at that point she hated me
  929. Her friends started harassing me
  930. But then their band had to go
  931. So her friend didn’t get time to throw a punch at me
  932. He almost did
  933. So their band performed
  934. They marched off
  935. And as Sydney went up to the second story of the bleachers
  936. We made eye contact
  937. And then she looked away quickly
  938. And I felt good
  939. Later that night she texts me
  940. Saying I was stalking her
  941. And everything
  942. Anyways so I tell her the only reason I stood around your band was because I was honoring her request to not come up to her but I wanted to make sure that she’d see me one last time
  943. And she got mad and said she wasn’t really mad at me
  944. But now she is
  945. I got mad at that point
  946. I told her to talk to me her [expletive] self
  947. So she called me
  948. 3 times
  949. I declined each one
  950. 45 minutes later she calls me again
  951. And she said she wasn’t going to yell at me
  952. We each got mad at each other
  953. She wasn’t on board with the idea of taking a small break from each other (a week or longer)
  954. I ended up making her cry
  955. She hangs up
  956. I text her the idea of the break
  957. And say goodnight
  958. And we haven’t talked since
  959. And I’m also going for Olivia in my choir
  960. She’s really cute
  961. And she laughs at a lot of things I say
  962. I hope it works
  963. I doubt it will though with my luck
  964. But we’ll see
  966. There’s a senior named Katelynn in my AP Calc class
  967. She laughs at a lot of things I say and she’s really cute
  968. I doubt she likes me but I guess we’ll see
  969. Also, it was Sunday at 12:03 AM and Sydney called me
  970. And I answered
  971. She thought I was asleep
  972. I wasn’t
  973. We talked
  974. Went to bed
  975. And now we’re talking again
  976. She said she talked to the guidance counselor
  977. And the counselor said I have a spot in her heart
  978. And she needs to push that out and fill it with other activities
  979. That’s exactly what I was doing
  980. I just hope she doesn’t block me again
  981. Because if she does
  982. It’s probably game over
  983. For both of us
  984. I CANT keep getting caught in this cycle
  985. And I don’t want anyone else to either
  986. I do want to keep talking to her
  987. But she lacks the emotional maturity to stay consistent
  988. Well, I guess we’ll see what happens
  989. With either Katelynn or Sydney
  991. So Sydney was at all-state and I sat and talked with her
  992. And she didn’t want to talk to me
  993. So I just left
  994. Today, she got mad at me about posting stuff about her (anonymously and without her name)
  995. So I got mad at her about reading my reddit posts
  996. And we both got really mad at each other
  997. Until she said “I don’t think we can be friends, and I don’t think I want to talk to you again.”
  998. So I said “Please? Is that a promise? Please?”
  999. She didn’t respond so I said “please, block me, hang up, and never talk to me again.”
  1000. And she hung up
  1001. And now I’m finally done
  1002. This might be where this crazy bitch story comes to a close
  1003. But we shall continue on with me liking people
  1004. Seeing what develops with them
  1006. So, apparently Sydney decided to stalk me on reddit
  1007. Made an account
  1008. Commented on a 60 day old post about me complaining about problems (because that’s what the sub was for)
  1009. Proceeds to continue saying she’s a “kid from Ohio”
  1010. Who “got their account disabled”
  1011. She literally made the account 15 minutes ago to comment on a 60 day old post
  1012. Someone would’ve HAD to have been looking through someone’s posts
  1013. My posts
  1014. I argued with her
  1015. She argued with me
  1016. I got someone to mention her username (u/frieddchicken)
  1017. And she either deleted her account or made it not public
  1018. But she hasn’t heckled me anymore
  1019. She lacks so much emotional maturity
  1020. And she REALLY can’t move on
  1021. But at least I know it’s probanly eating away at her inside
  1022. I’m completely over her now
  1023. And I hope I never have to deal with someone that immature ever again
  1024. She told me she’s not going to date until college
  1025. Which is good
  1026. Maybe she’ll develop more maturity and not force someone into what she did to me
  1027. Only time will tell though
  1029. So me and Sydney talked
  1030. And we started getting along well
  1031. But then today, she accused me of something
  1032. And I got mad and argued with her
  1033. Apparently that broke her
  1034. When she was manipulating me, she was fine but when I tried to do the same to her, it broke her
  1035. Basically she said we shouldn’t talk, and I showed her all the memories to try and get her to stay, and she claimed that I was manipulating her into trying to get her to stay, and at that point I was basically out
  1036. I was completely over with her in that exact moment
  1037. And apparently even though our relationship ended in August, now in November she still not over it, when she broke up with me, and she manipulated me
  1038. So I don’t know how that works
  1039. But I guess I’m glad we’re not talking
  1040. We will never talk again
  1041. And if we do, it’ll be her saying “I want to talk to you” and me saying “screw off, [expletive], my life got so much better after you weren’t here.”
  1042. I’ll want to break her fragile little heart
  1043. I don’t care
  1044. With everything that’s happened
  1045. It’ll make me feel good
  1046. And that’s all for now
  1047. So I haven’t added to this for a while
  1048. But a lot of stuff has happened
  1049. For one starting in about February I actually ended up getting a girlfriend
  1050. One that loves and supports me
  1051. When me and my girlfriend were in the talking phase, my friend Rylee sat next to me on the bus and a lot of stuff happened
  1052. She rested her head on my shoulder
  1053. I put my arm around her
  1054. We held hands
  1055. And she actually fell asleep on me
  1056. The next day came and I asked her about that night
  1057. She said it was all fine as long as it was platonic
  1058. Which I was fine with
  1059. It turned out later that she had a crush on me
  1060. But the timing was never right
  1061. But I had a crush on her too
  1062. And her being my best friend
  1063. It was very interesting
  1064. But it’s not putting anything between us
  1065. Plus my girlfriend trusts me completely (which my ex never did) so it’s fine that we stay friends
  1066. And I’m loyal
  1067. I made a vow to myself
  1068. That I will never knowingly cheat
  1069. And now Rylee knows I have a girlfriend
  1070. And she’s cool with that
  1071. She loves that I found my girlfriend
  1072. And I’m glad I found her
  1073. Realistically, if I was dating Rylee I’m sure I’d be just as happy
  1074. But I guess we may never know
  1075. It’s an interesting story
  1076. It’s the story of my love life
  1077. And I have a sense this is only the beginning
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