Story of a boy’s high school love story

Her name is Haley (Hartshorne)
She's from Ohio
She smiled at me when I walked in to talk with her
Red-Brown hair
Lots of freckles
EXTREMELY CUTE
I think this is going to work ❤️
Nope
Doesn't like me back💔
So now I'm going for Kaitlyn
Actually, probably Zoey now
We're in NEIBA
I actually got to hold her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She never tried to get out of it, so this is probably going to work! 💜
Asked for her number today...
She GAVE it to me!
Getting David to see if she likes me back
I fell like I'm being a wuss
But I want to see
Nope
She doesn't
So I'm gonna try Kaitlyn 💛
Man, I got her number!
I feel so happy!!!!!!
Well she hasn't replied so I don't think she's into me
So I'm going to try Lauren
OMG
Izzy Moes just told me she liked me via text
But she never confirmed at school like I asked her to
Maybe it was a prank
Idk
(Later confirmed that it was Steven pranking me)
Last day of school
Got Lauren's number
Too afraid to call
Ooooh I finally did!
Yes! I really think she's into me!
Nope
Hasn't called back
Doesn't wave in hallways
So I'm going to go for Kasey, who is probably the hottest girl I have ever seen
She’s also an identical twin
Well I haven't gotten to talk with her
So I'm going to try to ask Mercedes to homecoming
If I don't do it tomorrow I will regret it
I already told the people at my table that I would tell them tomorrow
They said they wouldn't tell but with Cavan always holding stuff over my head Idk
Well she already has a boyfriend
And she's kinda in 10th grade?
Yeah, so idk
Kasey probably already has someone to go with
So maybe I'll ask out a girl from my soccer team
Her name is Isabel
I don't know if she likes me but I'm gonna find out real soon
Found a new app called TBH
I got to talk to Kasey with it
Got her number!
She actually wants to have conversations with me!!!!!
Saw her today in the hall
Smiled and waved hi
She did back!
I feel awesome
She's the hottest girl I know, so if this works out...
I'm going to be one happy guy
Now she's apologizing for leaving so quickly
I really think she's into me!!!
Oh man oh man oh man
She's probably not
She thought we were just talking as friends
I was talking to her as a friend, but I want to be more than friends
Maybe she's just playing along like I am
WPA is coming up, I'm probably going to accept anyone that asks me out
Nobody did, but I kinda figured that
I mean, there’s a few people I like
Not sure if I’m going to go for them though
I had a long drawn out conversation with Kasey
She’s not into me, but that’s fine I guess
I also asked out Waverly, a cute redhead in my Spanish class
She said she likes me, but doesn’t want to “hold me back” because she might be moving
So I met Nicole in English
She talks to me a LOT
She might like me
I asked her for her number, and she refused
Definitely not interested
Here we are at the end of the school year
Whatever
Okay, so I’m back in school
I met three new girls that might be into me
Rileigh, Janna, and Marissa
All three of them talk with me a lot
Okay so Rileigh is dating Eli
So Marissa and Janna
I talk to both of them frequently
I talk with Janna after Spanish and with Marissa during English
I laugh a ton with Janna
She’s probably into me (however I’ve assumed wrong many times)
Cavan thinks she’s really into me
I really hope so
I talked with Henry at show choir
He says “he approves” lol
I think this just might work
I mean with Marissa it might work too
But I’m doing a lot more with Janna

Lads, this might be where I end the story
I’m sorry, it was just getting interesting
But I eventually asked Janna
And she said YES!!!
Nothing can explain the happiness I am feeling right now
But I started talking with her
We talked for about 45 minutes before I said “wait”
Here’s dialogue of what happened next
J: “What?”
L: “Is it obvious?”
J: “Just a little”
L: “Well, I can’t deny it anymore, I really... like you, you’re just so sweet, I cry every night by reading your texts because of how sweet you are”
At this point a guy walks up behind me, I notice and hold the door for him, he says thanks
Continue dialogue:
J: “Come on in, I don’t like the beeping”
The door beeps if it’s open for too long
I step inside
J: “I’m the kind of person that really denies it to myself, but I like you too... you’re just such a sweet, amazing person”
I have a small boner at this point, but it keeps growing and I’m getting anxious that she’ll see
L: “and you’re just a cute, sensitive person”
J: “Stop, you’re going to make me cry”
She wipes tears from her eyes
L: “Does this mean... we’re...”
J: “What do you think?”
L: “I hope so”
J: “It’s up to you”
L: “I choose yes”
J: “Text me back later with your answer”
L: “All right.”
At this point she leaves, we say bye
L: (yelling to her) “Have fun at your study table!”
J: “I won’t!”
L: “Try anyway”
I went back inside, feeling too happy to describe
So this very well might be the end of the story
I guess if we ever break up it’ll resume again, but I don’t think we’ll break up for a while
So once again, I’m sorry lads
But thanks for reading
And remember, if I can get through all these without dying, you can too

Okay lads, story’s been reinstated
Hours after it was discontinued
Due to the fact she sent me a text saying “Hey, you are an amazing person and great friend! I've been thinking about what we talked about and i think that it would be for the best if we stayed friends and got to know each other that way.”
So I’m asking if she’ll ever have feelings for me
Today’s been a mix of emotions
I just want to get this straight
So I’m asking that right now
If she will, then I’m fine
If not, then time to go for Isabel
I just... I really don’t know what else to add
Just that I thought that I made it
Thought that I won
At least for a little bit
Nope
Blindsided
Think again
That’s how I feel at least
I really just want all of this suffering to end
But I don’t know if it ever will
I’m even too afraid to talk to Cavan about this
I may tell him tomorrow once I get an answer
But now is not the time
Now I’m fighting a life-and-death battle
And it all pertains to what she answers that question with
[expletive]
She doesn’t like me
And I asked Isabel about bowling, if she was going because she was on the bowling team
And she blocks me
Straight up blocked on SnapChat
I’m not going to try texting her
Maybe I made it too obvious?
Anyways, I tugged at Janna a little more
But it’s obvious she doesn’t like me
And she’s not going to
I said (and I quote): “Okay if you think I'm trying to do everything in my power to get you to go out with me, you're wrong.”
I added it sounded a little harsh but I need her to know
Now she barely even waves at me in the halls
We don’t talk after Spanish
I’m really just never going to get anyone
I started a new snap story called “behind my fake smile” where I basically recall a ton of things that I don’t like or I [expletive] about my life
7 people wanted to see it, and Kylie Egbert and Kylie Fink both wanted to (and they’re both pretty hot)
I haven’t added anything from here but I probably will eventually
I also have lacked the will to do a lot of things
I don’t even want to go to band or choir anymore, and I love those classes
I swear I’m probably getting depression
I need someone to talk to
But being the idiot I am I’m probably just going to find an online chat room and see if I can help myself
Or if I really just should die
Like people tell me all the time
I went on to the national suicide hotline online chat
Took super long to get paired up
The person that I was paired with didn’t seem like they spoke English
That just made me more depressed
Rileigh is trying to get me help but I don’t want it
I’m just going to fall behind in my classes again and continue to lack motivation to do anything
But I’ve finally realized
My life sucks
I used to say “it’ll get better”
But it never does

Alright lads, I may end up killing myself
I don’t want it to get to that point but it’s coming closer every day
So if this story stops suddenly, either I forgot about it or I died
I’m going to call the suicide hotline
See if they have anything they could help me with
Finished the 16-minute call
The guy introduced himself as Patrick
Really nice guy
Helped me with a lot of stuff
I’m crying right now because I don’t think I know anyone that cares about me this much
Except maybe Rileigh, but I’m not going to cry in front of my friends
Stuff will get out
Either people will think we’re dating or they’ll think I’m a crybaby
But talking with him helped me so much
I’m sure almost everyone on the staff is super helpful and supportive
Except for the person I talked with on online chat yesterday
But I’m so glad I called
I hope that anyone experiencing these kinds of emotions calls to get help
Because that really helped me out
He wants me to “find my true self”
My real personality
Something I haven’t put much thought into
Are girls really worth it all?
If I ask another one out and they reject me, I’ll just call again
It shouldn’t be too hard
They’ll make me feel much better
He also wanted me to talk with a counselor
Which I might do
He also said “it’s okay to be selfish every once in a while”
Which I need to start doing
I love making other people happy more than I love making myself happy
I wish my parents were this supportive
My dad would probably just say “you think you have it bad?” And talk about what he had when he was a kid
My mom would probably just laugh at me
Both would tell me “yes, kill yourself”
I’m positive that if I killed myself, they either wouldn’t care or would be glad
Same with my siblings
Same with most of my friends
It wouldn’t be the same for them
But they’d probably understand, wouldn’t they?
So I talked with a counselor after much arguing with Rileigh
Gave him background details on Monday
Today he called me in and started to talk with me about it
He said I should start writing things down to let out my emotion
Well, here it is lads
I’m going to be much more active here
Talking about every day basically
Today I talked a little with Janna
But things aren’t the same
It was awkward the entire time
We didn’t have much to talk about either
Anyways, I think I might try getting closer to Sarah
A week or two ago I found out she doesn’t have a boyfriend
So maybe I can take that spot
We don’t know each other very well at all
But I want to change that
I just don’t know how
I might also start going for Myles too
I mean she’s pretty hot
When she got that spray tan she was pretty ugly actually
But I still should’ve paid more attention to her when we were in a group together
However Myles is one of those “rich white girls”
I don’t think many of them would be interested in me anyway
Probably going to go for Sarah
Get Rileigh to get some info
She can be my wingman because they’re best friends
We’ll see what happens

Okay so today I saw Janna and Olivia Schneider in the hall and I went up to talk with them
Olivia was fine with it
Janna seemed a little overly happy
I talked with them for a little bit
Olivia had to leave
I talk with Janna
We do our normal play-fighting
She seems happy
She’s much more enthusiastic than when I talk with her after Spanish
I’ve narrowed down why that is:

1. Because there weren’t many people around us
2. Because I wasn’t talking with Ethan as well
3. She thought it was awkward when we talked after everything we texted about and wanted to keep it the same
4. She likes me

Well number 4 is obviously not true, so we’re going with the first 3
Not sure which it is yet
I might put it up to a test
But why would it matter
A few days ago, I got some advice on a reddit post
I posted something about how to ask someone out after being rejected 12 times
Someone commented “the trick is to not give a [expletive] about the outcome
Someone else said “Ask yourself: why would I want to date someone that wasn’t physically attracted to me?”
These made me feel a lot better
I’m going to start with this stuff
Maybe when I go for Sarah or Myles
Okay, so I have so many friends that are willing to talk with me and help me through this
Zachary talked to me and said “I would be really sad if you died” and I’m texting Janna right now and she’s telling me how good of a friend I’ve been to her even though I know she’s lying
Would anyone be truly sad if I died?
I’m sure some people would
But they’d move on
Just like I did
I never have motivation to do anything, but I need some
Today we were reading “Breaking Through” and one of the questions said “is there any time academics have taken a back seat in your life?”
Yes, right now
Because I’m depressed
And may end up killing myself
I lack interest in the stuff I used to love
Band, choir, soccer
All of it
I’m too tired right now
But it’s going to keep me up anyway so why not talk about it now?

Why have I lost my sanity after Janna rejected me?
Why not after Kasey, the hottest girl I know?
Is it because I don’t think she has a chance to get a boyfriend but still rejected me anyway?
Am I really that mean?
This is why I feel like shit
I completely deserve it

Well, I told the counselor about my suicidal thoughts
And he told my mom
I dreaded coming home
I didn’t tell her anything
It seemed like she was trying to make me feel bad
I know she wasn’t trying to
But I can’t bring myself to say anything
I had to tell her “I’m fine” over 100 times
But she finally let me go
I’m glad
I’m relieved
I can’t let anyone know

So I actually ended up doing the JFast thing
But it did so much more harm then help
I had to go and talk to a guy so that he could see if I was in an abusive household
Which I’m not
I had to talk to a doctor to see what was happening
I’m not clinically depressed, I just have depressed moods
I’m not doing anything else with JFast
I’m not talking to the counselor anymore
And I finally realized something
Relationships are the main thing bringing me down
But relationships in college are going to be so much different than relationships in high school

I’m much happier now
I don’t know what it is
Maybe just getting back into the swing of things
Asking people out
Getting rejected
The good ‘ol times
I could go for Sarah
For Myles
For Paige, even
For Kristie
For the girl that stands next to me in choir
I don’t know her name but she’s pretty hot as well
I have a lot of options
And all of this has left me with one truth
I just don’t give a fuck anymore
Not at all
I need to build up a friendship
Sure, that’s the toughest part
Not getting rejected anymore
Just building a friendship
And that’s only because it takes a while
We’ll see what happens, I guess

So I learned the name of that girl in choir is Jaynie
Has light blonde hair
Brown eyes
Clear skin
A few inches shorter than me
She seems really nice and kinda shy
Except she talks with Donovan a ton
And so do I
I might need Donovan to be my wingman
But I’m also going for Sarah
With Rileigh as my wingman
Donovan doesn’t seem like the best wingman
But I don’t really have any other options, do I?
She probably isn’t interested
But I really hope she is
I’m just helplessly chasing, but she might
Unlike Janna or Marissa or Zoey or Kaitlyn or anyone else that I’ve asked out

So I’m talking with Sydney
She goes to Xavier
We both like each other
But we have yet to tie the knot
 I talked with Jaynie as Donovan after choir today
She’s pretty cute as well
She complimented me
She thought I should have made chamber singers
I told her I was probably on the higher end and she agreed
She’s just so hot
I melt inside every time I see her
Those hazel eyes
Light blonde hair
She is so cute
Freckles
All of that
She is just so amazing

So I’ve talked with Sydney a lot more
She wants to take things REALLY slowly
Well she better hurry up otherwise I might be dating Jaynie by the time she wants us to be together
Who am I kidding?
Someone line Jaynie is never going to be interested in someone like me
But I do know quite a few things about her
Birthday is June 17
A cat-lover
Has a mean cat that she still loves
Usually responds with one or two words normally
Will send snaps occasionally
Is good friends with one brown-eyed soprano 2
Great friends with Donovan
Made Bella Voce
Has taken a liking to me
Not sure if it’s a romantic liking
Sometimes wears glasses, sometimes doesn’t
Her blonde hair is usually normal, straight down
And she is just super cute
I love talking with her
Spending time with her
Just thinking about her makes me melt inside
Joint-hottest person I’ve met
Tied with two others
The Shanahan twins
But she’s so caring, and likeable, and such a great person to be around
I really hope she likes me back
But there’s no way
But I’m surely going to try anyway
So Jaynie doesn’t start conversations with me
And she didn’t say goodnight last time I texted her it
So she probably doesn’t like me
Like I figured
But like now I’m a little worried
I’ve been having thoughts at LEAST 4 months ago
That Janna doesn’t seem like she’ll get a boyfriend any time during high school
She turned me down
Probably the only guy she talks with that’s not a freshman
While I understand she could go out with a freshman
The freshmen she talks to are kind of awkward, and shorter than her
If that’s what she wants, go her
But even people like Henry thought we’d be a cute couple
And we really would’ve been
But it’s not to be
And I swear she may come crawling back
But am I really going to accept her if she does?
Would that be ultimate desperation for both of us?
It would be for her
But idk for me
Still, it really would depend
If I already have a girlfriend
If she’s only saying that because of something I’ve done
If she means it
If she really truly wants to be with me and isn’t doing it out of pity
Because I need to figure out all of that before I make my choice
But I really doubt she will come crawling back, even IF she can’t find a boyfriend
I don’t know
I just kinda wanted to rant
I’m not really mad
I just kinda needed to let stuff out

So apparently we were setting something up for me and Sydney to meet
Until she basically just said “wait no”
And that hit me hard
Especially because the reason I turned back to Spotafriend was because of Janna doing that EXACT SAME THING
And I just couldn’t take it
I doubt she even wants to get to know me
I guess I don’t really care anymore
I’m just meant to be alone
Maybe my time in college will come
But as of right now, nope
I already know what it’s like getting to know people and asking them out
So I’ll just remember that and go into college like that
And now me and Sydney are talking like nothing happened
Which I guess I’m fine with

So me and Sydney met
And it was great
We really liked each other
And then tonight
She says it’s not working anymore
We “break up”
And honestly
It’s not such a bad thing
I don’t need a girl to survive
Plus college relationships are going to be so much different
I’m glad about what I learned
And we’re still friends
But idk if I can talk to her the same again
Maybe we’re both just tired
But I really think it’s over between us
And that’s all I have to say
There goes lucky number 13
I kinda wish we were still together
But now I know a girlfriend is something I don’t need
And that’s what I’m glad about

So we got back together after that
And then she did basically he same thing to me (like above)
She won’t tell me anything I did wrong
So I’m asking her friend Elizabeth
And Elizabeth is telling me some things
But not everything
So at least I’m learning what I can do about my shitty personality
Also I’m getting into cutting myself
It’s a small thing
Something that I’ve stopped
Something that I can stop
But idk
It might flare up again
Not sure
So I said something about fat girls and how I didn’t like them
So never say anything about that

Elizabeth says I’m probably not the best at expressing that I’m not a terrible person
She told me to be the person I am when I’m the happiest
Which is when I’m with Sydney
And that’s obviously not happening
She told me it’s something I need to figure out for myself
But I don’t know how to figure it out

Okay okay okay
Me and Sydney had a conversation
And I felt much better afterwards
She told me why she lost feelings for me
Because of a lot of things that were lies
And we were at each other’s throats
But I said something I really meant
And she thought I was lying
So I realized that she doesn’t trust me
And that the truths I told were lies
So I’m glad she broke up with me
I’m much better now

So we were becoming friends again
And last night she said she like likes me but doesn’t want to get back together
Which was fine
But I ended up doing a few things
One, I got upset, I don’t even remember why
Next, I took a knife and cut myself
And I also apparently hurt her because she made me depressed
And now I’m all fine and peachy
She wants to be left alone
And I’m fine with that
If I don’t need to talk to that [expletive], then that’s a win in my book
So we’re going to keep this story going
I don’t want to lose it so I’m going to save it somewhere
I guess we’ll see where this next relationship takes us
But I really hope that I don’t have to deal with everything I went through
Sydney impacted me in more ways than I could’ve imagined
Some good, some bad
But now that chapter is over
And I’m starting a new one
Let’s see what happens

So today I hinted at us dating again
And she wasn’t as opposed to it as she was before!
I’d want to date her again, but won’t it just end the same as before?
I’m willing to try
If it doesn’t work out, whatever
I’ll move on
I promise
She hasn’t even said yes to it though
I guess we’ll find out tomorrow

Well I decided not to address it, as it wasn’t important
Well not extremely important
I talked with her
Told her to call me back because she had to go
She never did
I tried calling her 5 different times
Never picked up
And to top it all off, I was unadded on Snapchat because her friend didn’t like me
First of all, she should’ve told her friends good things about me, because that’s the reason her friends hate me
Second, I told my friends tons of good things about her
I’m really wishing I didn’t now, because shit went down last night
I was talking with one of her friends (who claims she doesn’t hate me, but I’m pretty sure she does)
And she started going off on me about making Sydney’s friend seem like the bad guy
What
The
[expletive]
Her friend LITERALLY stole Sydney’s phone
Unadded me because she thought I was a bad person when she doesn’t even KNOW me
And now I’M the bad guy for bringing it up?
I was done
I said stuff to calm down the friend
And then I asked what I should do
She said “stop talking to Sydney”
And so I did
I told her thanks for everything she’s taught me
And I ended it with “and, for probably the last time ever, goodnight.”
And that was the end of it
We haven’t talked since
Only time will tell whether we’ll each move on or one of us will come crawling back

And time did tell
She came crawling back
However it wasn’t to get back together
Two days ago we started talking
She got mad at me
I got mad at her
We talked the next day
She got mad at me
I got mad at her
Today, she was telling me a story
About how her youth group leader hates me now
Because her friend exaggerated details about me
Keep in mind she’s never told any of her friends anything good about me
And this friend I’m talking about has never met me
So I got mad
But I didn’t let her know that
She asked “do you still want to talk to me?”
And I said “well, I don’t know”
She asked “what do you mean?”
I said “I need a few days, a break, to gather my thoughts”
And she said “okay. Bye.”
I thought “well, that was sudden. Glad to know how much you actually care about talking to me.”
Burn i didn’t say that
All I said was “bye.”
Am I going to message her back?
I don’t know
But I’m trapped in this circle
If I talk to her her friends are just going to get mad at her
Because of what SHE did
And no matter how much I dislike how she handled our entire relationship
I can’t wish that upon her
I’ve been told I’m too nice
I don’t like hurting people unless they’ve messed with me
And while she has, I still see some good in her
I don’t know what it is
But somewhere
Somehow
I see some good in her
And if I’m being honest
She broke up with me
But that makes me feel much better
Because I can’t deal with another relationship like that
It usually takes me a few days to get over a breakup
But if I see signs of this happening again
ESPECIALLY if she doesn’t tell her friends anything good about me
I’m going to break it off
I don’t care how bad it is
I will break it off
With this, I have made myself a promise
If I break this promise, no punishment will be served
Because going through this Hell again will be punishment enough and THEN some
I’m not going to call her until AT LEAST 3 days have passed
And if I’m being honest, I may never call her again
I’m stuck reminiscing at what could’ve been
If she had just handled it better
And while I definitely have to take the blame for a lot of stuff
Had she not done those things, I wouldn’t be dealing with this
I have low self-esteem
I’ve always had it
And I always have voices in my head that tell me that I can’t do it
That I’m not strong enough
That I’ll never amount to anything
But even they won’t dare to go and say “you deserve this”
Because I know for a fact
I don’t
She doesn’t either
But it’s her fault that I’m in this mess
And she’s just living her life
So I need to show that I’m much better off without her
I better start working out my arms
As a soccer player, my legs are already pretty muscular
And girls love guys that look strong
So he can protect them
So that’s what I’m going to do
So let’s get to it
And about Sydney
Her friend Jackie deleted my number from Sydney’s phone
And blocked me on Sydney’s Snapchat
And I’m concerned
For Sydney
Is Jackie trying to control her?
I heard Jackie is overprotective
And Sydney is fond of her
But she:
1. Exaggerated every tiny detail about me to the point where it seems like I’m a creepy perverted rapist
2. Literally does stuff to Sydney’s phone when SHE HASN’T EVEN MET ME
3. Sydney even AGREES with some of the stuff she says about me
I think I’ve decided
I’m not calling her back for a looooooooooooooong time
And if I call her
It’s going to be about that
I don’t care how mad she gets
If she stops talking to me after that it’ll actually be a good thing
Because she caused all of this
I can’t believe it
I thought she liked me
I really thought she did
Either she’s literally stupid, or she doesn’t care
And that’s what I’ve narrowed it down to
I don’t know which it is
But it’s definitely one of those two
I’m mad now
I know I’m ranting
But I swear, everything I just said is true
No matter how mad I am
I’m going to tell the truth
There is an old saying that says “there are 3 sides to every story, yours, theirs, and the truth.”
But you don’t get to hear theirs
Which is why I’m committed to making this the complete truth
So you all get a fair representation of what happened
Maybe I’m in the wrong
Maybe it’s my fault
But Sydney handled the BEGINNING of our relationship terribly
And the end
And everything in the middle
I’m glad we’re broken up
I’m glad I told her I need a break
And honestly, I’d just like to be free from all of this
So maybe these next two years I won’t be doing anything dating-wise
But I had someone that told me to try again
And so I will
I will do my best
And I will continue on my way
These wounds will heal
And I will walk around unscathed
But only time will tell
I’ll see you then

So I talked with her
And blew up
Dialogue is as follows:
L: So why aren’t you telling them good things about me? A good girlfriend should be making all her friends want to meet me.
S: I am
L: Elizabeth (one of her friends) said you haven’t said anything good about me
S: I don’t usually talk with Elizabeth
L: How many, like 100 good things to one bad thing?
S: Yes
L: So then why do they hate me?
S: Because they only remember the bad stuff
L: I have 0 friends that if they heard 100 good things about someone and one bad thing, they would absolutely hate them. In fact, they’d probably want to be friends with them. If that’s the way that all your friends think, then I’m sorry, but you need to find new friends.
S: ...
L: Well, do you have anything to say?
S: I do tell them good things
L: Stop pulling that shit with me
S: It’s getting late I should get to bed
L: It’s only 8:50
S: Why should you get to decide when I go to bed?
L: Who said I was deciding? I’m allowed to try and influence your opinion, am I not?
S: Goodbye Lucas
L: Goodnight Sydney
*call ended*
At this point, I think she’ll come crawling back within 2 weeks, because she has before
15 minutes later, she texts me:
I need to stop talking to u
Ur right
I literally can’t sleep it’s all my fault
I screwed it up
I’m stupid and I mess things up
And I was just like “wow, okay, you didn’t want to get with me before but NOW you do? Well [expletive] you then.”
My parents told me not to respond to her
Because it would mess with her feelings
Which is exactly what she did to me for over a month
So I did
And then the next day late at night, all I texted her was “we each need time to realize what each of us really wants”
Then she calls me 2 days later because she had a nervous breakdown
And she wants to play it off like nothing happened
She said I had to talk quick because she had to go somewhere
But I think it was just because she didn’t want me to start talking about her friends
And that’s where we are now
I’ll keep you guys updated

So we talked again
And she actually picked me up for a ride
And we had a fun time
And I’m feeling pretty good
Fast forward to a few days later
Today she told me “can you tell Noah he’s my favorite twin?”
(I am a twin)
I said “no”
And she’s like “oh”
And I’m like “that hurt”
And she says “well you hurt me multiple times”
I’m not having any more of that
I say “well you manipulated my feelings for 3 months”
And she says “well you did that to me too”
So I say “well, I thought I was in an actual caring relationship, but sure, we’ll go with that”
She hangs up on me
A giant smile emerges on my face and I don’t even realize it for a few seconds
And I text her “goodnight” on Snapchat
She’s probably going to block me
But I don’t care
Idk if she’s toxic
And I’m sure I started some of this [expletive]
But I know I need to cut toxic people out of my life
So maybe if she blocks me that’ll be a new beginning
Which I might need honestly
There’s another quote I saw
“Falling in love wasn’t my mistake, it was falling in love with the wrong person”
I knew before, but now it’s much clearer
Sydney is that wrong person
I fell in love with her
I shouldn’t have
How dumb am I, staying with it longer than I should’ve?
But all of that is over now
And I’m feeling good
And it’s not over
She sent me a thumbs up emoji
So I said “sleep well”
“Have a good night” followed by a blushing smiley face
And she said “don’t do that”
So I said “don’t do what”
And she hasn’t replied
And I doubt she will
But I know I got to her
I’m feeling good
After having my feelings manipulated for 3 months
Getting one day back at her, just one night
Feels really good
And with that, I’m signing off for tonight
Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow still feeling good
Hopefully I will
Because, and I shouldn’t be saying this, but...
I deserve to feel good about that
Do you guys agree?
Goodnight, I’ll write some more tomorrow

So this isn’t tomorrow, but I’ll tell you what happened
We started talking like normal again
We’re good friends and we’re helping each other out
And this girl named Grace found me on Instagram
We both liked each other
We met a few times
And then we basically broke off the relationship
She said something about we need to talk
I told her I needed time to think
She wanted to keep talking to me
And then today
She said “I told my friends I think I found my future husband”
Yeah, no
I’m a Junior in high school
Like what the [expletive]
And she thinks it’s completely fine to be like that
What are the chances we go to the same college?
What are the chances that we stay together for 6 years, 4 of them long distance?
Nope
Not dealing with it
We broke it off
And all of the friends I’ve told said I’ve made the right decision
Now I just have to tell Sydney what happened
Idk what she’ll think
But we’ll see

So I’m talking with Grace
And all is going fine
We’re not dating
And nothing too big is happening
But something happened tonight
With Sydney
We got in a fight
Dialogue is as follows:
L: I mean your friends all hate me
S: I didn’t try to make them hate you, plus all of your friends hate me too
L: Okay I said it once I’ll say it again, you manipulated my feelings for 3 months
S: YOU DID THAT TO ME TOO!
L: I wasn’t trying to though
S: ME NEITHER
L: Well... I don’t know...
S: WHAT?
L: I need to make sure you learn from this, because I don’t want anyone to go through what i has to
S: Why do you make yourself sound so awesome?
L: What?
S: Just like “I did this” “I did that”
L: I don’t get it
S: Never mind
L: Anyways, you intentionally manipulated my feelings.
S: How?
L: Well two weeks into us talking, you block me over something stupid, then unblock me a week later, then you block me AGAIN over something else stupid, then we’re fine, then we date and you break up with me, so do you see why I’m not sure you learned anything?
S: I already know, I’m a terrible person, I hate myself for what I did
L: YOU broke up with ME
S: I KNOW, I hate myself already i don’t need you dragging me down more!
L: I’m not trying to drag you down, I just need you to understand and learn from it. Nobody should have to go through what I went through. It isn’t right.
S:...
L: I just... don’t know anymore
S: I have to go (her sister’s practice gets over in 25 minutes but I hear a quivering to her voice)
I don’t say anything
She hangs up
And I go straight to typing this
That’s all fresh in my head
I’ll probably get some sleep and come to a consensus tomorrow on what to do
I want to be friends with her
But neither of us can move on from the past
In this conversation she told me she moved on
But then I think I heard her crying
So has she really?
Either way she broke up with me
And I’m not taking her back
No matter how much I like her
Never
Not again
I don’t care if she does or doesn’t
Oh my god
My heart is racing so fast
At Kingston Stadium
Before my marching band performance
Today, I saw her walking back and I tapped her on the shoulder and said “hi.” She looked at me, said “oh my god,” then proceeded to run to the bus to cry. I started talking to one of her friends. One of her friends that hates me, and he just said “you better keep walking.” I probably could’ve beat him in a fight but I didn’t want to fight anyone. I left and went up into the stands, fully knowing that she was crying and I felt good.
I am shaking
My heart is beating
And I still have to march the show
And her friends might want to beat my ass
But I just asked the sousaphones if they would help me fight them
And they’re on my side
So we’re good

So we started talking
Good friends again
That was all fine and dandy
Then she sees my post on reddit
About relationship advice
And she gets mad
AND she gets her best friend and her sister on my ass about it
Her best friend said she absolutely hated me
We had a marching band competition that night
Sydney told me not to go up to her
So what did I do?
I just stood around her band
And took a picture to show her how close I was because at that point she hated me
Her friends started harassing me
But then their band had to go
So her friend didn’t get time to throw a punch at me
He almost did
So their band performed
They marched off
And as Sydney went up to the second story of the bleachers
We made eye contact
And then she looked away quickly
And I felt good
Later that night she texts me
Saying I was stalking her
And everything
Anyways so I tell her the only reason I stood around your band was because I was honoring her request to not come up to her but I wanted to make sure that she’d see me one last time
And she got mad and said she wasn’t really mad at me
But now she is
I got mad at that point
I told her to talk to me her [expletive] self
So she called me
3 times
I declined each one
45 minutes later she calls me again
And she said she wasn’t going to yell at me
We each got mad at each other
She wasn’t on board with the idea of taking a small break from each other (a week or longer)
I ended up making her cry
She hangs up
I text her the idea of the break
And say goodnight
And we haven’t talked since
And I’m also going for Olivia in my choir
She’s really cute
And she laughs at a lot of things I say
I hope it works
I doubt it will though with my luck
But we’ll see

There’s a senior named Katelynn in my AP Calc class
She laughs at a lot of things I say and she’s really cute
I doubt she likes me but I guess we’ll see
Also, it was Sunday at 12:03 AM and Sydney called me
And I answered
She thought I was asleep
I wasn’t
We talked
Went to bed
And now we’re talking again
She said she talked to the guidance counselor
And the counselor said I have a spot in her heart
And she needs to push that out and fill it with other activities
That’s exactly what I was doing
I just hope she doesn’t block me again
Because if she does
It’s probably game over
For both of us
I CANT keep getting caught in this cycle
And I don’t want anyone else to either
I do want to keep talking to her
But she lacks the emotional maturity to stay consistent
Well, I guess we’ll see what happens
With either Katelynn or Sydney

So Sydney was at all-state and I sat and talked with her
And she didn’t want to talk to me
So I just left
Today, she got mad at me about posting stuff about her (anonymously and without her name)
So I got mad at her about reading my reddit posts
And we both got really mad at each other
Until she said “I don’t think we can be friends, and I don’t think I want to talk to you again.”
So I said “Please? Is that a promise? Please?”
She didn’t respond so I said “please, block me, hang up, and never talk to me again.”
And she hung up
And now I’m finally done
This might be where this crazy bitch story comes to a close
But we shall continue on with me liking people
Seeing what develops with them

So, apparently Sydney decided to stalk me on reddit
Made an account
Commented on a 60 day old post about me complaining about problems (because that’s what the sub was for)
Proceeds to continue saying she’s a “kid from Ohio”
Who “got their account disabled”
She literally made the account 15 minutes ago to comment on a 60 day old post
Someone would’ve HAD to have been looking through someone’s posts
My posts
I argued with her
She argued with me
I got someone to mention her username (u/frieddchicken)
And she either deleted her account or made it not public
But she hasn’t heckled me anymore
She lacks so much emotional maturity
And she REALLY can’t move on
But at least I know it’s probanly eating away at her inside
I’m completely over her now
And I hope I never have to deal with someone that immature ever again
She told me she’s not going to date until college
Which is good
Maybe she’ll develop more maturity and not force someone into what she did to me
Only time will tell though

So me and Sydney talked
And we started getting along well
But then today, she accused me of something
And I got mad and argued with her
Apparently that broke her
When she was manipulating me, she was fine but when I tried to do the same to her, it broke her
Basically she said we shouldn’t talk, and I showed her all the memories to try and get her to stay, and she claimed that I was manipulating her into trying to get her to stay, and at that point I was basically out
I was completely over with her in that exact moment
And apparently even though our relationship ended in August, now in November she still not over it, when she broke up with me, and she manipulated me
So I don’t know how that works
But I guess I’m glad we’re not talking
We will never talk again
And if we do, it’ll be her saying “I want to talk to you” and me saying “screw off, [expletive], my life got so much better after you weren’t here.”
I’ll want to break her fragile little heart
I don’t care
With everything that’s happened
It’ll make me feel good
And that’s all for now
So I haven’t added to this for a while
But a lot of stuff has happened
For one starting in about February I actually ended up getting a girlfriend
One that loves and supports me
When me and my girlfriend were in the talking phase, my friend Rylee sat next to me on the bus and a lot of stuff happened
She rested her head on my shoulder
I put my arm around her
We held hands
And she actually fell asleep on me
The next day came and I asked her about that night
She said it was all fine as long as it was platonic
Which I was fine with
It turned out later that she had a crush on me
But the timing was never right
But I had a crush on her too
And her being my best friend
It was very interesting
But it’s not putting anything between us
Plus my girlfriend trusts me completely (which my ex never did) so it’s fine that we stay friends
And I’m loyal
I made a vow to myself
That I will never knowingly cheat
And now Rylee knows I have a girlfriend
And she’s cool with that
She loves that I found my girlfriend
And I’m glad I found her
Realistically, if I was dating Rylee I’m sure I’d be just as happy
But I guess we may never know
It’s an interesting story
It’s the story of my love life
And I have a sense this is only the beginning