notkickass222urmom

wai-wai pt 7

Jun 5th, 2014
228
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  1. Short fucking recap. John, our lovable protagonist, a human in Equestria, fought some edgy shit and fucked RD. Then a US International Agent, who is a shape-shifting evil pegasus now, tried to kill him. John and Steve (the agent) meet, and Steve tells John that John's dad once betrayed Steve, therefore Steve apparently killed John's dad at some unknown time, and is for some reason now set on killing John.
  2. Nothing will ever make sense, so stop thinking about it.
  3. The fic's written in German and "translated" in to a language closely resembling English.
  4.  
  5. >Part 17: The hardest fight ever
  6. Continuing with this shit. Also we CoD now.
  7. Oh, and the Rainbow Factory is apparently a thing in this fic.
  8.  
  9. >Steve Connor and Robert Price in their carrier as pilots
  10. Yet they're flying Eurofighters.
  11.  
  12. >John congealed, "You .... You killed my ... my father?
  13. >Steve answered, "Yes John I DID IT because I wouldn't die in a fucking swamp.
  14. Oh no, he'd die a terrible death in the vast swamplands of interior Libya!
  15.  
  16. >After this job I join the US government. I was an agent then. I have been reading a lot of crazy stuff but no one knew about the time portals.
  17. And never did it occur to do something about the fact that the world was going to end and be reborn as a magical horseland?
  18.  
  19.  
  20.  
  21. >While I was in the time capsule, I saw the end of the world and the end of the human kind and of course I saw the advancement of the pony era.
  22. His description of how time travel works makes no sense, and doesn't really match up with John's journey in the early chapters.
  23.  
  24. >I didn't know that the human race would be so far but ok I landed here.
  25. What?
  26.  
  27. >She transformed me into a pony and then I killed her.
  28. Steve is a deep and complex character.
  29.  
  30. >So with my special forces as an agent and the force to switch my body between human and Pegasus pony I had the chance to spy everywhere and to learn from then.
  31. This is like the third or fourth time he explains this.
  32.  
  33. >John heard enough, "You silly SON OF A B***!"
  34. Laughing hurts. Sure John. This is the proper fucking reaction to respond when someone who has attempted to murder you and your girlfriend also admits to having killed several others, including your dad. What word are you even censoring? I pulled up my best swearing dictionaries and the only sorta-not-really-filthy word I could find was "butt". I couldn't even find a fitting German swearing word (not that I searched a whole lot).
  35. I just imagine that in this horrible stressed out situation, the line Andre though would be the most fitting was:
  36. "You silly son of a butt".
  37.  
  38.  
  39.  
  40. >Steve laughed, "Ah ah ah, I don't like bad words
  41. You and me both Steve. John has such a filthy mouth.
  42.  
  43. And here Steve goes on a long rant about how he was everywhere, and how he was basically every notable royal guard in the fic so far, plus some bullshit about how he knew about and outsmarted our last BBEG, Samantha the Edgeomancer.
  44.  
  45. >John had no words for that. "You are not an agent you are a freak a serial killer."
  46. So are you John. You killed humanity. Then you killed Samantha (though you sort of had a reason). They you stabbed Celestia (for no reason).
  47.  
  48. >Steve smiled again, "Hey John I know you don't like it to be alone, so I brought some of your friends too. Really funny these 3 but nerved too."
  49. I don't even get the end of that sentence. Oh and pic related sort of explains what he's talking about.
  50.  
  51. >Steve throw away a blanked and there sat 3 little ponies. One a yellow earth pony, the second a orange Pegasus and the third a unicorn. It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
  52. Steve had a huge blanked with the CMC lying under there the whole time, yet the blanket hasn't been mentioned even once before in this fic? And nobody has noticed that they're gone?
  53.  
  54.  
  55.  
  56. >Steve hit them with his pistol. All 3. Blood trooped out of their nose. They cried.
  57. Steve is such a swell guy. Beating up kids is just another day at work for him.
  58.  
  59. >John ask for, "Steve please don't do that, they aren't involve in this. Please let them go. There are still children."
  60. There's still children? Where?
  61.  
  62. >Steve answered, "Oh that you are not so alone and I thought maybe you like it to see your friends one more time before they will see the light" his voice got louder.
  63. So... Steve brought the CMC to shoot them in front of John... so there would be no witnesses. But if you just hadn't kidnapped them, there wouldn't be any witnesses. There's no good reason at all to bring them, if you're going to shoot them anyway.
  64.  
  65. >John asked for, "Please Steve whatever you want, I give it you, do you want the Elements Of Harmony, I can ask Twilight and her friends
  66. What would Steve even need the Elements for?
  67.  
  68.  
  69.  
  70. >Steve answered, "Oh the brave hero John stood here and ask for mercy, that's sweet. I am not interest in any of this "magical stuff" or to throw the princess, all what I want is FORCE! POWER! AND OF COURSE MY RAGE TO YOU! John you are the last of the "PRICE´S." You will pay for everything too.
  71. So you did all of this just to kill one guy? When you could just have flown by on a normal day and "slipped" a heavy item on his head? When you could just have bombed his room in Canterlot? Where you could probably just walk into his room while John was asleep and strangle him?
  72. Why the fuck have you gone to such extreme lengths?
  73.  
  74. >Steve aimed his weapon to my head.
  75. >my head
  76. >my
  77. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. I knew John was Andre's self-insert OC, but this is just horrible. Does he really write himself into his own laughable excuses for stories? Does he touch himself when writing about RD? This is so pathetic.
  78.  
  79. >I react fast and got down. His shot failed me.
  80. This is followed by an entire fucking paragraph of "me" "ME" "ME!". John that is Andre dodges a pistol shot at point blank range and gets into a melee with Steve.
  81.  
  82. >Steve laughed, "John what's going on with you? I thought I meet a soldier."
  83. No, John/Andre is a (homicidal) software developer.
  84.  
  85.  
  86.  
  87. >This guy was to strong and of all, TO CLEVER.
  88. Oh no, this really is the most hardest and bestest fight ever. This is in the middle of two entire paragraphs written in the style of:
  89. "He hits, I block. I hit, he blocks. He moves. I hit, he blocks."
  90. At least we're back to the third person.
  91.  
  92. >A Taser. John lied down in front of Steve shoes.
  93. Steve had a taser during this entire pointless fight.
  94.  
  95. >John didn't know what was harder. The fight between him and Samantha which could use powerful magic, or Steve the special agent.
  96. Both of them sucked and were painful to read. The time you stabbed Samantha wasn't even a real fight, which makes it better than this shit.
  97.  
  98. >John said silent, "Cilestia or anypony else please help me ..."
  99. Clearasil is not here kiddo. She should also be mad after you stabbed her, but she isn't. Because everybody loves John.
  100.  
  101. >Steve laughed, "No chance you aren't a pony, there is no connection between human and pony.
  102. Oh, so Celestia can feel when ponies are in danger? That must be why she is always there to intervene and save the day in the show.
  103.  
  104. >Steve moved to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and shocked every one of the three with his Taser.
  105. What's with the child abuse? Seriously. There is no point to this. It's too late to establish Steve as a bad guy now.
  106.  
  107.  
  108.  
  109. >Steve explained, "Come on John, do you really think they like you? How is it to betray the own race. To pair with a pony mare, what do you think will come out if Dash get a child of you?
  110. That's probably not how biology works. Sure, you can fit a human dick inside pony poontang, and you can come inside, but you're not going to sire a child by that union. Or else the world would have a lot of centaurs by now.
  111.  
  112. >A hybrid between pony and human? Is it that what you want? To create a new race between pony and human?
  113. No, we have a general for that.
  114.  
  115. >There was nothing what he could do. NOTHING. He was to good. Then John saw the weapon next to him. He snatch up again.
  116. This fucking writing. It's almost too good. Like how that weapon came out of nowhere, and lead to John becoming a cunt. Again.
  117.  
  118.  
  119.  
  120. >John said, "THIS FIGHT ISN´T OVER STEVE. I PUT YOU AN END NOW."
  121. "Hahaha goooood, your hate has made your powerful now show them who you really are, now fulfil your destiny, kill her and take her place on my side."
  122. You might think this was a appropriate quote from Star Wars VI. It's not. It's Samantha's OC donut steel dialogue from her chapter.
  123.  
  124. >Steve looked at John and said, "Good John, hey Scootaloo, Sweety Belle, Apple Bloom, look how evil John is. Yes John show them our humanity. Which kind of race we are. How violent we are. Hey did you know our true enemy isn't the darkness, it´s OUR HUMANITY. Yes our humanity destroyed us."
  125. No, a AI destroyed you. It wasn't human at all. Also:
  126. "Look how evil he and his race is for picking up a gun and protecting himself in a situation where someone is clearly trying to kill him".
  127. Can't have HiE without misanthropy, right guys?
  128.  
  129. >John said, "NO I AM NOT LIKE YOU!"
  130. >Steve said, "Yes I know you lost your humanity. Now you are ... one of this ugly fools."
  131. So Steve says that John is evil because he's human, but also claims that John has lost his humanity? And this is supposed to make sense?
  132.  
  133.  
  134.  
  135. >Steve still laughed with a darkness in his eyes, "Really? Just as you wished, I allow you to be together with them and then I´LL SEND EVERYONE OF THEM TO THE HELL WITH YOU!!"
  136. We almost had a moment where John tried to teach Steve the virtues of friendship. Where we could get a meaningful and interesting resolution to this. But then Andre remembered that shooting and explosions were much cooler.
  137.  
  138. >John jumped up and run to the pistol. Steve saw that and react immediately. John hit him into his face. Now Steve felt down for his first time but he hit John on his knees, John felt down again.
  139. Well that whole scene was just rendered pointless.
  140.  
  141. >Then John remembered, "His knife!" he picked it up of the ground and hit it in Steve´s shoulder.
  142. Really? What happened the last time John met an enemy heh couldn't defeat? He somehow just happened to find a knife. WHat's happening now? The same fucking thing. Never mind that the fic already established that Steve was so good that John couldn't hit him. It's knife time now.
  143.  
  144. >Steve pull it out of his shoulder with a pain, he tried to strike John with it, but he hit the ground, the knife broke into pieces, now that was John chance.
  145. So the knife just broke? This is so retarded I don't even know where to begin.
  146.  
  147. >The pistol. He saw the pistol again, he picked it up and aimed to Steve´s heart then .... he shot.
  148. So many pointless paragraphs, scenes and chapters led up to this incredibly dumb and underwhelming moment.
  149.  
  150.  
  151.  
  152. >John was shocked. Did he really kill someone? "God what did I do? But it was the right decision, the tried to kill yourself too." John thought.
  153. You've already stabbed someone under identical circumstances with no afterthoughts. And you did sort of murder humanity. Only now does John begin to realise that he's a mass murderer.
  154.  
  155. >Sweety Belle said, " It is ok John fulfil your duty."
  156. Words cannot express my feelings towards this line. It's like the perfect disaster. I want to look away, want to not react, but it's fascinating and horrible beyond words.
  157. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPKp29Luryc [Embed]
  158.  
  159. >Suddenly Princess Cilestia, Luna and the other ponies appear.
  160. Well isn't that convenient?
  161.  
  162. >Luna said to the guards, "Guards, put away this murder and his dead body immediately!"
  163. As usual, John is never responsible for his actions.
  164.  
  165. >Twilight said and smiled, "Yes John I know you killed someone but remember he was trying to kill you and he still murdered another pony.
  166. Why didn't any of these thoughts occur earlier?
  167.  
  168.  
  169.  
  170. >Dash jumped in John arms, "GOD I AM SO GLAD YOU`RE ALIVE! I THOUGH YOU WERE DEAD!" Tears of joy appeared in Dash eyes.
  171. >John said, "I promised you I wont let you alone baby and your promised me a "massage."
  172. Cringing so hard right now.
  173.  
  174. >Every pony laughed. "Spare us your details of your love life."
  175. But their lovelife has been so tame and boring! The only twist that could save this fic now is if Dash grew a huge horsecock overnight. That's the only thing that would keep me genuinely interested.
  176.  
  177. >They left the park. It was over. They had their peace now. Samantha was beaten. The agent which terrorize them too. Now time for a bit peace.
  178. There's still 23 horrible chapters left, so I doubt the pain will be over soon.
  179.  
  180. Speaking of chapters and pain, this abomination, chapter 17, is over. This is all for now. Stay sane.
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