ACCESS DENIED | SELF-REGRET

                                       TITLE AS:
                                ACCESS DENIED | USERNAME

            —   나는너를더이상싶지않아
           “idontwannabeyouanymore”

» wattpad user & name i can call you by: @self-regret [ siya! ]

» slot: SUGARCOAT
» backup slot: BABYBOY

» birth name: JUN SUBIN
» nicknames for slot/who calls them that: SU-BYEOL [byeol = star], which MARS fondly called him at the start, and the others just adopted.
» birthdate and age: 21st MARCH 1998 [19]
» birthplace: GWANGJU, S. KOREA.

» height: 175 CM [ 5'8" ]
» weight:  60 KG [ 132 lbs ]

            —   배꼽 통증
           “bellyache”

» face claim:  @pa_ee_reee [ IG ]
» backup face claim: @hyeongjoo_lee

» body type: lanky, skinny but still built. his body shape is rather curvy, and feminine.
» notable scars/birthmarks: freckles centred on his face and moles scattered on his back like constellations.
» outfit: he's never anywhere without his NASA jumper, but in such a landscape such as an abandoned city he would need something to succumb to all climates, keep him both warm and cold when needed. the only things that would be relevant in his closet would probably be his long winter coat, leather boots, favourite white mask and matching scarf. he's also nowhere without his gloves, due to his mysophobia. he's got a handbag where he keeps his food, wallet, leather jacket and disinfectant.
» other bodily accessories: one piercing over his eyebrow.

            —   인질
           “hostage”

» personality:
subin's welcoming and sugar-coated demeanour is always intimidating, but only slightly. he looks to any situation with an open mind and the attitude of 'it's gonna be alright!', even his face is screaming the opposite. he loves conversations, and would do anything to keep the subject in the air; rambling, desperate pleading and annoying questions are all part of his plan to keep them talking. most people usually fall for this, his charm and well-chosen words usually win against their doubts, and his overly sympathetic manner wins almost all the time.

 but to the point where things go personal, subin would remain polite but still become extremely cold towards to the person. he doesn't like talking about himself or his family. this is the reason why most of his relationships don't last long, with anyone. he's unexpectedly loyal, however, and nicknames like 'babyboy' or 'lapdog' pop up in his messages frequently, especially with his love interests. he blurts out his emotions a lot, as he's very unstable with them and usually it changes with a snap of a finger. this makes a lot of people uncomfortable with him, but his love interests usually are fine with it. being called 'obedient' or 'a good boy' is why he continues with most of his relationships, even though they become more personal than he likes.

he copes with stress-filled situations by asking question after question, filling the silence that he cannot stand. he's lovable, but he's on the fine line between 'friend' and 'clingy'. he tends not to take risks, and falls for the same people which usually ends up with him being heartbroken. even in life-threatening situations he's usually the type to sit tight instead of try to survive. he's not smart, and his emotions usually rule over logic, and he uses the craziest ideas for the most dangerous of situations.

his curiosity is usually what gets people to turn away. not a surprise though; the same curiosity has got him into trouble with the law, many times. though he's always let go, because his infectious charm usually does the trick.

» family:
JUN SEUNGKWAN | FATHER | 1 | 51
KIM BOMI | MOTHER | 1 | [DECEASED]
JUN JEONHYUN | BROTHER | 2 | 23

» background:
FAMILY.
his mother and father were childhood lovers who ran away together to raise their illegitimate child together [ subin's older brother ]. however, the father grew to be abusive, and beat both subin's brother and the expectant mother. his mother died giving birth to subin, and it was later found out that he was the result of an affair his mother was in. subin's father hated him, calling him 'dirty' and 'disgusting' as a child. isolated by both his father and his older brother, he became germaphobic, developing serious obsessive compulsive disorder. at the age of 14 he left home to 'study' with a relative when in reality he was running away from home. he lived with a classmate until he was 18, where he officially bought a house and lived there.

RELATIONSHIPS.
he had a long string of relationships which never lasted longer than a month. the first was his classmate, who he refuses to name as he was his 'first love'. most of his lovers he hardly remembers, but all he thinks about is the messages he would send to them. his actions are usually what he remembers when he thinks about his relationships, not the other person. but this is not because he's heartless. it's his way of forgetting his heartbreak.

» current status:
EDUCATION: dropped out at the age of 14. he doesn't understand the most basic of equations, and gets easily frustrated when he doesn't understand something.
OCCUPATION: security guard at an art gallery. he doesn't enjoy it at all.
SOCIAL LIFE: appalling , no close friends. he lives by himself in a small, pent-up flat.
MENTAL HEALTH: worsening, therapist has diagnosed anti-depressants and daily sessions to improve his OCD but he doesn't attend them and refuses his medicine.


[ L I S T  F O R M ]

» interests/hobbies:
[ 01 ] ASTROLOGY.
his fondness of astronomy came from the months where he stayed with his first love. his boyfriend had an old telescope that was never used and subin fell in love with stargazing. he became dependent on astronomy and his moods were all based on the weekly horoscope he'd receive in the morning newspaper. his conversation starter would always be 'what's your sign?' and would immediately know from that information how to get them to like him.

[ 02 ] WATERCOLOURS.
he loves to paint what he sees in his telescope and has a drawer filled with scraps of watercolour scapes of what he sees each night. he had bought his first large paint set at 18, and it was a therapeutic exercise, recommended to him by his therapist. he had become addicted to it, however, and it ended up not helping his depression at all.

[ 03 ] PSYCHOLOGY.
he had always been told by his therapist that he possessed psycopathic tendencies, but he was a pro-social psychopath. meaning, he wasn't a killer. the subject interested him because he never knew that psychopaths could be gentle. he researched into the subject and has now fallen in love with psychology. his dream is to meet james fallon, who is a pro-social psychopath himself.

[ 04 ] MUSIC.
something he was never good at but still enjoyed was making noise. he's tone-deaf, but still tries to sing, even at a young age. he had a drum that he would batter his fists on while screaming meaningless lyrics at the top of his lungs. he gave it up when he left home but would enjoy it if he could take it up again.

[ 05 ] DANCE.
it doesn't really count as dancing, but he likes to move his body a lot. to music he kind of moves his arms and his hips awkwardly. nevertheless, he just enjoys the feeling of being able to move around.

» dislikes/fears:
[ 01 ] GERMS.
he hates skin-ship and just touching anything because of his germaphobia, but he likes the thought of being able to touch something without his gloves. there are scars all over his hands where he had washed his hands constantly over time; and the skin can't handle it. he has a bottle of both air-freshener and disinfectant ready in his bag to spray objects with. it isn't because he thinks they're dirty; it's because he's dirty. he thinks he would contaminate whatever he would try to touch.

[ 02 ] TALKING ABOUT PERSONAL SUBJECTS.
he also hates talking about his family, since they were the reason behind his obsessive nature. his brother was dead to him, his mother was the reason he was getting this abuse, and his father was the high almighty reason behind his mysophobia, anxiety and depression. he refuses to talk about them, never can and never will.

[ 03 ] CLAUSTROPHOBIA.
for subin, tight spaces meant trouble. hiding in closets, under the bed, under the sink, watching for the footsteps of the father who hated him frequents his nightmares, added in with the closing in of the space around him. he can't handle the feeling of being trapped and locked to one space.

[ 04 ] REJECTION.
though he expects it, he hates it. he's not used to love and affection but he wants to, so it absolutely breaks him when he faces any sort of rejection. he blames himself for it, and it just makes him feel worse.

[ 05 ] HIMSELF.
above everything, he fears he'll never get better.

» skills/attributes:
[ 01 ] he's a good judge of character.
he knows who to avoid and what to avoid when talking to people, and knows what they like and what they love just by the way they talk. he's good at deduction too, as he observes a lot instead of making friends.

[ 02 ] he'a surprisingly good at navigation.
as he's into astrology, he has studied how to navigate by the stars, starting with the north star and the directions of constellations. even in the morning, he knows many tricks to see which way north is, and how the temperature of objects is evident of the sun's direction.

[ 03 ] listening.
he's not the best at advice, but he likes to listen to people talk about their lives. he's the person you should rant about your ex-boyfriend, or how your dog accidentally broke your vase. he'll listen with an open mind and would understand every detail. he remembers only the things that interesting details however, and wouldn't bother to actually help you.

[ 04 ] breaking and entering, running, and hiding.
he's both tried to steal, break into houses, and stalked people as a result of his curiosity. but being in trouble with the law has sharpened his ability to run quickly and hide quickly.

[ 05 ] sweet-talking.
though he doesn't seem it, his speech can be very manipulative. but he doesn't abuse this. he only really uses this to get out of trouble and to find out something that intrigued him. he got these tricks from reading horoscopes and just deducing facts about the person he's talking about. all you have to do is say something good about them and they'll say whatever.

» trivia/other facts:
[ 01 ] when he ran away from home he was very depressed. most of the time he would sit on a bench outside just watching people. he used to dream up scenarios where he would talk to these people and ask them about their lives. these people eventually became his imaginary friends, who helped him cope with heartbreak, anxiety and depression. when he's out of his mind he tends to talk to his friends under his breath. names aren't given, so he just calls them CANCER and VIRGO.

[ 02 ] he's addicted to turkish delights. as a child his favourite book was the lion, the witch and the wardrobe. he watched the movie more times than he had eaten a meal. the witch gave turkish delights to one of the main characters, telling him that it would help with his home-sickness. subin then ate nothing but turkish delights for the next three days, determined for them to help with his sadness. to this day he always has a little tin of them in his bag.

[ 03 ] he's double-jointed, and can dislocate both of his thumbs.

[ 04 ] he's never smoked nor drank alcohol before, though he's technically legal.

[ 05 ] he's a virgin, but he's no stranger to sexual activities. it's just that they're usually with himself, that's all.

[ 06 ] he hates animals, so when people ask if he's a dog or a cat person, it's time to leave. he hates people who 'love' animals and people who have pets. they just disgust him for some weird reason.

[ 07 ] he secretly wishes to be closer to his older brother, because he sees in tv shows how family connections are so important. but he blocked his contact from his phone, and doesn't know if he changed his number.

            —   모방자
           “copycat”

[ O P T I O N A L ]

» mental diseases/disorders/illnesses:
he has obsessive compulsive disorder (mysophobia) and diagnosed depression, as well as bouts of anxiety. he likes routine and certain things to be a certain way, especially objects like books, pens, ans items in a wallet. even when asking questions, he tends to target people who look attractive to him, or are wearing a certain colour, and he asks the same questions nearly all the time. it's also the reason why he can't go for people that won't break his heart. he expects every single relationship to end the same way, and cannot handle it if it lasts longer than a month. however, this leads to loneliness, which then leads to his depression. he wants to stop his OCD, he just doesn't know how. the problem with him is that nothing works, and he fears nothing ever will.

» physical disorders: n/a

» mini playlist for your slot:
TITLE SONG:
sun. moon. star. — knk.

ADDITIONALS:
gone. — knk.
arabella. — arctic monkeys.
love paint (every afternoon). — nu'est.
strange. — masc.

[ Q & A ]
» can they lift heavy objects?
NO. his physique is horrible against anything laborious.
» can they run fast?
YES. he's been in trouble with the law many times, so running away from the cops was a daily thing for him.
» can they handle pain?
physical: YES.
mental: NO.
» can they see blood?
YES. he doesn't care for blood or any sort of death.

» what are their beliefs?
he isn't proud of it, but he doesn't have any basic human morals. his view of people dying is simply 'there are people all over the world dying right now, so who cares?', and believes everyone should just be selfish enough to save themselves. it's ironic, because for him to love would be a weakness, but for others to love him is the one thing he wants.

» what’s their motivation?
the stars. the reason why he's still here and he's still breathing is because every single night the sky is different, and every night the stars are more beautiful. he wants to complete a night of stars for every single day of his life, and that's the only motive he had ever had.

» what’s their breaking point?
too much care. he can't handle other people's love and devotion. he can't handle people being too close but he wants to, and that's what breaks him apart.

» what do they want most?
 to be able to hold someone, look them in the eyes and say 'i love you' wholeheartedly, and for them to say it back.

[ C H A R A C T E R  C E N T R I C ]
» keep these in mind when writing your character. ignore/delete questions that don’t have to do with your slot. if you answered these in your background, personality, etc., you can ignore! this is just to help you along.

    > why is SUGARCOAT so adamant about having friends?
he's prone to making the same mistakes. he always thinks, 'the next one will be different, this one will make me feel something' but he's always wrong. at least, he thinks he's always wrong. he's his own devil's advocate; and he always thinks himself out of it.

            —   바다 눈
           “ocean eyes”

» sexuality: homosexual.
» love interest: MARS
» how they act/feel toward each other:

beginning:
MARS' father-like love did not mesh well with subin at all. out of all the people present, he would avoid MARS the most just because he couldn't handle the fact that he liked being babied by this man. when he was given the nickname, 'su-byeol', he loved it, but furiously denied it. it didn't help that this person was his type, and he didn't want to focus on love when they were in such a situation. he told himself, "just ignore him, you'll forget about it". he did, but it didn't last long.

middle:
curiosity got the better of him and he began to ask about MARS. how he got along with VENUS, their family, his hobbies, his dreams. MARS, being the humble and kind person he was, answered most of the questions but remained reserved about some things. it intrigued him even more. he thought, 'he's hiding something, but i have to know!' but MARS didn't shed a word. subin ended up extremely angry with him, and then refused to talk to him.

end:
the two got close, but almost to the point where subin couldn't handle it. he didn't want this person in his life anymore. he tried all he could to leave MARS behind, even running away from the group. when asked about it, he breaks into tears. he hates it that they're not together, and he hates that they're so close. this madness nearly even brings him near the point of insanity.
OVERALL ENDING: the relationship ends with MARS confused, and subin completely broken.

» scene suggestions with love interest:
[ 01 ] when his nickname was decided.
MARS would comment on how the moles and freckles on his face almost looked like a constellation, and subin would say, simply, 'i like stars.' MARS would smile and say 'okay, then. i'll call you 'su-byeol' from now on.' subin would break into a furious blush and look down, complaining on the girlish nature of the name, which the group would tease him for. subin carries on denying his love for the nickname, while the twins watch on.
subin asks VENUS what MARS' type is. VENUS would question why he asked so suddenly, and subin would say that he was just curious. before VENUS could reply, MARS would join and ask what they were talking about. VENUS says bluntly, 'he's asking if he's your type', to which subin would laugh off, but VENUS would say 'no, seriously. do you like him? is this what this is about?'
at the time subin would have still been deciding his feelings about MARS, and this would be the moment where he realises that maybe he does have a small crush on MARS.

[ 02 ] a near kiss scene.
he's stargazing with MARS when he feels this sudden urge to shuffle a little closer to him. they're talking about their hopes and their dreams. subin suddenly says, 'i– i just want someone to look me in the eye and say that they love me, and i can say it back. with, like, pride, you know? that they're the one and all.' and he looks at MARS and decides there and then that he's the one, that the universe had decided for subin and MARS to sit under the stars just like this. he leans in–
then he realises exactly what he's doing. he pulls away instantly, stands up and walks away without a word. MARS, confused, calls after him but he doesn't turn around, tears streaming down his face.
[ NOTE: i'm a slut for angst so i really don't want the relationship to end well! but you do you boo, see what's good for the plot! ]

» character they are closest to:
other than MARS, LAMBO. subin likes that he can cheer him up, but also how reserved he was. he wishes he could be like that, if it weren't for his fear of loneliness.

» character they are the least closest to:
QUEENIE. her rudeness rubs subin in all the wrong places. he admires her, though, which annoys him even more.

» scene suggestions with group:
as soon as i thought of this city au, i was thinking that maybe they had a hideout in a clock tower, something like big ben, or just any large clock tower. it would be abandoned but it would be tall. they'd have a view of the whole city as well as a beautiful front seat for the stars.
 when i thought of 'abandoned city', i thought of prypiat, ukraine, where a nuclear power station essentially exploded, and the city had to be evacuated. i think it would be really cool for the group to find the decorations of a celebration that was happening mid-evacuation, like how in prypiat they were beginning to get ready for may day, and decorations were all over the city. the celebration would tell us more about the city's inhabitants, beliefs and evacuation details! (if it was an evacuation.)
as well as this, maybe the radiation could be so strong they created alien-like beings? and that's what they had to fight in order to leave the city and survive. and these beings know the people's breaking point, or know people who have that information.


            —   내 소년
           “my boy”

» message to me: [hello! my name is blu :)]
hi blu!! i love you, and this fic, and jUst shshsh i really tried hard to research and just put a lot of love into this character! i know i probably won't get chosen but its whatever because i still tried right? anyways even if im not chosen i'll read the fic because i love the concept, and i love you and im just shshsh bYe
» kik user: [in case i can’t contact you in pms] @ CHINALINES !
» password: [hidden in rules]
idk i think it's jiang jiang! i'm probably wrong.
» any other important information:
n/a!
» you’re done! let out a deep breath and stretch out your hands, you’ve done a lot today!