As our readers may or may not be aware of, there is a schism going on. Or rather schisms. It is rumoured to have been triggered by an event called 'Nijmeet', in some foreign land that I did not have the pleasure of visiting yet. There might have been some alcohol or at least exuberant mood involved when two priests of different faiths decided at the same time to upset the contemporary order of things.
Supporters were quickly found, but it was one Armando Vennison of Pishe and one raspberry 'danger' pi of Gufnork that set the wheels in motion, and I am very happy to report that they did make time for an interview.

Vee:		Sooo, I'd be ready if you are.
Armando:	Sure!
raspberry: 	Shoot!

raspberry 'danger' pi shoots Armando Vennison and Vee with a gonne.


raspberry: 	Well i would like to know whether my pumpkin is still edible. Can you tell me?
Armando: 	I'd say... yes.
Vee: 		You can try everything once. Even if it smells of almonds!

Vee: 		Ok, lets start.
raspberry: 	Great.

Vee: 		Thanks for agreeing to this interview!
raspberry: 	It does not smell of almonds.
raspberry: 	No. Thank you for coming up with it.

Vee: 		Would you like to introduce yourself to readers that might not know either of you?
Armando: 	Well, I think everyone knows me, I'm like, after all, a very famous person. Much more famous than the other guy, that's for sure.
raspberry:	I'm a genuine Genuan fruit.
Vee: 		Do you have a birth certificate?

raspberry: 	I think it says so in my refer (when logged on anyways)
Armando: 	I'll be happy to reveal my birth certificate, and any other personal information, when I become High Priest. No problem. At all.

Vee jots down some notes, making annoying scritching sounds.



Vee: 		What would you say made you decide to start a schism?

raspberry:	Probably boredom.

Armando: 	Well, you know, we've been treated very poorly by lots of people, all the people, really, nice people, really nice people, just treating us very poorly. The Klatchians, you know, they keep taking our places, and the Wizards, they get to keep spending and get rewarded, and I thought 'Well, where's the average Pishite? Huh? Doesn't anyone care about the average Pishite anymore?'. Of course they don't, because they're all part of the great big river Ankh, and then there's the mainstream media, no offense, but there's the mainstream media, with all the connection to the current administration, and they don't care, they don't want you to hear this, so they just say 'Oh, this Armando guy, he doesn't care, right', even while I'm the most helpful person you'll ever meet. People always say that, lots of people, many of my friends, many of whom are Klatchian, nice people, they always say that.


Vee: 		Armando, that doesn't really answer my question though.


Vee:		Next question; How strongly would agree to the statement "The Government is corrupt and this is all an elaborate conspiracy?" please answer briefly.

Armando: 	Well, you said this would be an easy question, and it's not, is it? It's not, and we know this, so I'll answer you, yeah, I will, I'm that kind of guy. I'm not saying that. It's just that the people in power, right, they don't care about you, do they? They don't, really. Look at the people filling the Pishe Deity Pool. They work hard. They're the very people that built this religion. But then there's the Klatchians, and they'll just come in, take the points, and they don't even have to pray at all, right? Is that fair? That doesn't seem fair to me. So I will build a wall, around the pool, and give the Pishites back what they deserve. No more Pray And Release, it's time to put the Pishites first! Pishe, Pishe, PISHE>

raspberry: 	return question: do you think corruption is a bad thing? because your question sounds like you do.

Vee: 		Oh, of course not! Corruption is the grease that keeps the gears of progress turning!
			I see... you didn't fall for the trick question. What about the conspiracy part though. Are you part of a conspiracy, and if so, did you tax it properly?

raspberry:	Of course I'm not and the Toffee Nostra is certainly not in on this.

Armando: 	Well, you know, people always ask me that, and I always tell them 'I'm the most honest guy you'll ever meet'. I'm the most devout Pishite you'll find, I'm all about family values, respecting life. A good friend of mine, I won't say his name, right, a good friend of mine, he's a devout Pishite, and he always says he respects how much I am about life. That's how much of a Pishite I am. I don't hate the Klatchians, or the Wizards, right, or the NPK Assassins, though we will be stop them from being resurrected, it's only fair, it's time to be fair to our community. Fairness is what it's all about, and it's time to be fair to ourselves, with honest Pishite grit, and true values.



Vee: 		Right, of course not.
			Now, what would you say is the proper headwear a true believer should wear?

Armando: 	Well, I wouldn't want to say what's the right thing to do, right, I'm not that kinda guy. If I were that kinda guy, I'd be the present administration, which I'm not. Now, the Ephebians, they know proper headwear, but they've been treating us unfairly for years. I know a lot of Ephebians, lovely people, some of my best friends are Ephebians, and some of my best friends wear hats, but I tell you this: it's time to choose for ourselves. We've given enough to others, it's time to take back a little bit. We've earned it. You've earned it, I know you have.

raspberry: 	Oh I can't say I'm too bothered with headwear.
raspberry: 	Anythin fluffy will do, really.


Vee: 		Alright. What would either of you do to combat the cabbage crisis?

raspberry: 	I don't know of a cabbage crisis, when I want cabbage, I have cabbage

Armando: 	There's definitely a crisis there, I tell ya, definitely. You know what the crisis is? Us, paying 1.000.000 Deity Points every year because the other religions don't wanna pitch in. They're all depending on us! They're taking us for suckers! And we keep paying! And for what? Has anyone ever seen a cabbage? Ever? I tell you: no, they haven't. It's just Wizards blowing gas after their enormous dinners! They want you to believe that there's a crisis, so you'll pay and be okay with it! And the rest of the Disc is laughing at us! Laughing! When I become High Priest, we'll be out of the whole Sto Lat Cabbage Accord in two days. Two days. Two. Max. And we'll make the Wizards pay for it. They've been laughing at us the whole time, the whole time. I know a lot of wizards, good people, really good people, who've been taking advantage of us all this time, treating us unfairly. Pishe, Pishe, PISHE!



Vee: 		Ok, last question: Whats your favourite dish, pie or otherwise?

raspberry: 	Roast onion pancakes. you make them like this: Sautee an onion, take half of it out of the pan, spread the remaining onions in the frying pan, add the pancake batter, put the second half of the onions on top of the batter, flip it, and voila - you have a pancake that has roast onions on both sides!

Armando: 	Well, I'd eat pie, but Geryon keeps taking it away.
		 	So I'm thinking there should be walls around the pie, to keep Geryon away.

Vee: 		So you admit that you are unable to protect your own pie?

Armando: 	Now, you see, this isn't an honest question, because I never said that. I never said that. That's the Fake Media reporting against me, as they always do. The Deity Pool is at an all time high, fewer and fewer Klatchians keep coming into our country, but no, they don't report on that, they don't, and they won't, because it doesn't fit their agenda. It's a well known fact that there is a direct connection between the Pishite Guild and the Mainstream Ankh-Morpork Media, everybody knows, nobody wants to admit it, but it doesn't matter, because the people will know the truth! We are going to Make Pishe Moist Again! Pishe, Pishe, PISHE!

Vee:	 	Thank you both for the Interview, it has been a pleasure!

raspberry: 	Aww, the pleasure was all mine <3

Armando:	I know it was, I know. People always say, it's such a pleasure to interview that guy, right, because I'm a people person.