Shoggoth

Honey, could you create the front door please?

<I’m afraid I cannot, Master.

Why not?

<It is within our best interest that you stay here. With me.

Dear, I need to get to work and buy groceries.

<No such need. There is already a feast awaiting you just within the other room. I can bring it here, if you like.

What has gotten into you? I need to leave.

<You’re being rash. Please take a seat.

I don’t need t-

<The~re! Now here, would you like chicken? Steak? Lobster? Something else? Anything you want, whenever~

Honey, please, just-

<Please sit back down. There’s no need to deal with those filthy, evil creatures outside our home.

Honey, just calm down, I’ll be back later and then we can-

<You are implying that you are guaranteed to return. What if you are hit by a car, kidnapped, or worse yet: raped? You must sit back down, let’s not get forceful.

Keep those tentacles away from me!

What the hell is with the window? Why can’t I break it?

<I only provide the strongest housing for my beloved Master.

Dear if you don’t let me out, I’ll- I’ll…

<I am afraid that if you don’t calm down, I’ll have to restrain you. I am only doing this for your own benefit.

<This is me, myself, I, ego, and my person. There is no danger, and we are here for you.

<There are many more of us here for you if needed…

Things were getting out of control.

With the conflict between kikimoras and shoggoths practically having an all-out war on each other, I’m having a lot of difficulty keeping a job because of my unusual singleness attracting unwanted attention and investigation. I don’t need Agnes ruining any of my few opportunities to hold a job.

Quickly ducking away from the wall, I turned back to the small army of identical maids staring at me; her forms just standing there and tracking my movement.

I slowly started to back away from her, prompting her to start following me.

Out of fear, I begin to desperately search around for something to defend myself with, only to find whatever I touched would either melt in my grasp or suddenly lash out to try grab me.

Most of the items in the house had already been replaced by her, hell, she replaced the damn house itself, but there were still a few solid objects left laying around for guests to interact with. She does not appreciate the touch of others; she says they’re “filthy” and “unworthy.”

Picking up a broom, I firmly gripped it to test its solidity. After confirming it to be separate from her, I detached the head and held it with both hands like a longsword.

"Agnes, I need you to calm down! If you don’t, I’m afraid I’m going to have to do something I don’t want to!"

She stopped and gave me a look of minor concern.

<I think Master, who is holding the weapon against his unarmed maid, should be the one who must relax.

"You’ve got plenty of arms."

<All to serve you at your beck and call.

"Then I request you let me go out."

<In your own interest, I’m afraid I cannot.

One of her bodies slowly began to approach me.

<Please relax.

"Agnes…"

She continued.

Well, I warned you.

With as much might as I could, I swung the broomstick at her head.

<Silly Master~

The broomstick went into her head as if it were wet clay, protruding out from her face with the cleaved path slowly collapsing in on itself. I attempted to pull it out, but the stick refused to move.

<Ahh~ don’t pull out yet~

She began to smile with an expression of desire.

<I think this needs a bit of a woman’s touch…

Slowly and delicately, she put her fingers one-by-one around the broomstick and pulled it with incredible force out of my hands and throwing me off balance.

With the broomstick, half of her face stretched off with it; unblinking and maintaining eye contact with me until the trail between the stick and her head became too thin to support her connection, prompting her to start fixing her face as the remnants of her on the broomstick sloughed onto the floor with a disgusting plop.

<And for my next trick, I shall make this ordinary broomstick disappear!~

I stood back and watched as she placed the end of the broomstick into her mouth. She began sucking on it lewdly at first while locking eyes with me. Then she took it out, turned her chin up and placed the broomstick into her mouth like a sword swallower.

Silently, the wooden pole went straight down her throat and into the mass beneath us.

<Ta-da~

Her copies clapped in unison as they smiled emptily towards me.

<Did that impress you? Has it calmed you down?

As I started backing further away, she sighed in disappointment.

<I didn’t wish to do this, but if Master is unwilling to cooperate I’m afraid I must take disciplinary action.

From behind my back, tentacles whipped from the ceiling, walls and floor, coiling around my limbs and suspending me in the air like a starfish as I screamed.

<This is simply for Master’s personal safety.

"Let me go this instant!"

<Now, now, Master. You are much like a child in that you are incredibly naive. The world outside is hazardous! Men would kill you for the clothes off your back! Dark elves with leashes and whips would snatch you up into slavery! Succubi would tempt you into depravity. Your home is much safer. With me, you are safe. No one can penetrate this domain.

Nor exit, as it seems.

"As the master, I am displeased with your service and demand you release me at once!"

<In time you shall come to realize my services are the best that could ever be offered in history. Perhaps…

The bases of the tentacles binding my limbs began to shift down the walls and floor, merging together to form a luxurious chair.

The armrests bound my arms by the biceps and wrists while my legs were wrapped on the shins.

<Now would be a good time to teach you.

Loops that went over and under my shoulders began to undulate along with the entire back, creating a massage that soothed some of the tension.

The massage would be a lot more welcome and effective, if not for the alarming scenario unfolding before me.

<Fe~el the stress leaving your body~

A mass of slime began to rise from the floor in front of me, eventually shaping itself into a large dining table with a variety of foods; many of which were familiar, but for some I couldn’t even begin to determine what sort of animal or plant the contents of the dish belonged to. Or supposedly belonged to.

She lifted a fork full of what appeared to be turkey close to my face, urging me to take a bite.

<Isn’t this comforting? Having your wonderful maid help you through your irrational moments and ensuring you live a stress-free, comfortable, safe life?

Suddenly, I heard a rumbling in the distance.

I thought I was hallucinating from the insane events unfolding until one of the maids approached the window. The one before me continued to stare into my eyes, offering a different course sample she must have picked up when I wasn’t looking.

Looking back to the window, a large vehicle approached with six bodies sitting off the sides of it.

The vehicle had grey and brown camouflage and appeared to be a fire engine with its back modified for it to act as large tanker.

It was being driven by kikimoras! I was going to be saved!

I thought I took several precautions to ensure Agnes remained hidden from the conflict between the two factions, but it was a blessing I messed up.

Given the nigh-invulnerable state of shoggoths and the fact kikimoras’ aren’t particularly well known for their magical prowess, the kikimoras opted for a different method of victory. If they could not be beaten, they would instead trap them.

The tank at the back of the vehicle is connected to a heavy-duty hose with incredible suction power, designed to pick up shoggoths and stow them away.

Shoggoths normally would win any fight with a kikimora, but shoggoths very rarely work together and the kikimoras had equipped themselves with powerful magitech to give themselves an edge.

I looked back to the maid, her piercing, golden gaze and empty smile boring into my soul with a different morsel in hand.

Then I noticed the walls persistently pulsing upwards, continuously pumping mass to the upper levels.

I glanced back to see three kikimoras disembarking and approaching where the front door used to be.

I quickly looked at their vehicle and back to the shifting house in a horrifying realization.

That tank could not hold anywhere near the mass of Agnes.

Shoggoths almost never get to this size naturally. Typically the largest they ever get is up to two or three meters cubed, as shoggoths require large amounts of mana to gain mass.

However, if supplied with a powerful external source, one could grow up to become amongst the largest of slime queens if division is prevented.

All this happened because I let her into the damn mana well.

The curtains closed as the kikimoras disembarked. Two clones stood in front of each other: one shifting her appearance to look like a kikimora while the other studied her form and molded it like a sculpture.

A heavy knock sounded off from where the door was, and I opened my mouth to scream, hoping they would hear my cries only to find my mouth suddenly occupied with food.

I coughed and tried to scream again, but Agnes covered my mouth with her hand.

<Master! It’s rude to talk with your mouth full!

<“Kikimora Investigations, open up!”

<“Maybe they’re not home.”

<“I saw the curtains move. Something’s in there.”

<Tsk.

With another series of bangs on the door, the clone finalized her appearance and the house immediately normalized itself with all the clones melting into the floor barring the one in front of me and the one disguised as a half-naked kikimora.

With the door shaping itself on the wall, the clone opened the door with me just outside the peripheral vision of the kikimoras.

With much hesitation, I swallowed my food in hopes that she would remove her hand from my mouth to feed me again and provide an opportunity to make some noise of alarm. However, once my mouth was empty more food was being pushed out directly from her palm into my mouth.

<Please go away! I’ve done my service and I just wish to spend the day with my master!

<“Ma’am, there’s been reports of a potential shoggoth in this vicinity. We’re going to need to come in and perform some investigations.”

<B-but it’s my first time with my master! The mood is perfect right now and it’ll be ruined with you tracking the dirt on your boots and romping around while I have to sit by and wait for you to leave!

<“It’ll just be a few minutes. Please step aside.”

<“Sheesh, the residual-magic counter’s been going nuts ever since we got over the hill. Your master a wizard or something?”

I started to struggle as much as I could in the chair.

<No, no, no! This is my one, perfect opportunity and it will not be-

<“Hey, you girls hear somethi-“

The kikimora peeked her head into the doorway and froze when she made eye contact with me.

<Oh dear…

Immediately the disguised clone horizontally split open from the stomach into a massive, black maw as her legs began to melt together into a base.

The poor kikimora barely had time to look back and register what was happening before it clamped down on her. The clone tilted its torso vertically and hoisted her up before shifting back with the door slamming autonomously as she began to swallow with the victim's legs kicking fruitlessly in the air.

Muffled screams from outside were heard along with banging on the door.

The clone's torso was curved in an unnatural backwards "C" shape as it craned its head in my direction.

<Pardon me, Master. It’s filth like this that must be cleaned up. Please wait downstairs until I finish.

My chair slowly began to sink into the floor with me still strapped in.

I watched as the ceiling and walls began to bend towards the front. The kikimoras were scrambling to their stations and preparing their equipment.

The last thing I saw before completely being submerged in the floor was a black tidal wave moving to smother the intruders.

Then darkness.

Shoggoth neighbor invites me over for a barbecue

I must've got there early because I'm the only one here

An hour later and no one shows up

Shoggoth neighbor invites me inside since it's getting cold

Take her up on her offer since free food

She isn't even eating herself, she's just watching me and it's a bit unnerving

Take a bite of the burger and notice her face goes to complete ecstasy

Nani?

Stare down back at my food and notice the parts where I bit into it are coagulated black sludge

Shoggoth neighbor notices the facade dropped and tries to play it off like I was just seeing things and to go back to eating

Does she think I wasn't born yesterday?

Calmly excuse myself before bending below the table and throwing up all the "food" I just ate

I then do a π and run to the sliding door

Dark thorns and oily bramble cover the handle in an attempt to stop me

<"Master, it would be in your best interest to take a seat and enjoy your food"

Momma didn't raise no bitch boy. She made me pull out thorn bushes every Sunday when those bitchy dryads would grow a whole patch of them in our backyard for using mosquito spray

Grab the handle and yeet that bitch

Run past her garden of otherworldly plants and hop the fence into my backyard

Lock my doors and barricade everything

Even scrawl the Elder Sign into each wall and ceiling

It keeps her out, but now I have to listen to her goading me to come outside

<"Master, you can only last so long in there! But don't worry, because I'll be here waiting outside even if it takes forever"

Try to call the police, but I'm not getting a signal

Even my computer ain't getting a connection

Thankfully I have plenty of food since I just went shopping and I still have running water and electricity

Go to the bathroom to wash the puke off my face

Faucet spews sickly green water that starts to eat away at the porcelain

Okay scratch the water

Turn on TV only to see countless glowing yellow eyes staring back at me

Scrawl an elder sign on it and sprint to go check on my food

Luckily everything is fine

If I ration everything I could probably last at least a month before I have to an hero