Hard times preview3

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'Have you been messing with the script, Anon...?'

---

	DAY 1

---

I could hear the door opening with clarity, to then close. A few steps followed, till they stopped just for her to gasp.

"Anon?!"

Sayori. Her surprise gave me joy, but at the same time dread; did she really imagine it that unlikely for me to wait for her to leave her house like the old days, rather than to leave on my own for her to catch up? I'd have believed her reaction to just be a pleasant surprise, but after that day when I found she hanged herself, I couldn't see her in the same way again.

"W-what-- How long have you been here for?!"

"You overslept again." I said.

But soon enough her face of shock died down, replaced instead with a cheerful smile; an honest one, if I could gauge it well enough.

"How long has it been since you waited for me?" She asked in full glee. "It's like we're back to those days! My Anon is back!"

I feigned irritation as best as I could, but I couldn't stop a smile from forming. She thinks I changed out of the blue, not because I saw everyone ending up... in awful situations.

Contrast. Despite her cheerful smile, I still remember what expression her lifeless body had. Her bloodied fingers, and ruined collar. How things can change someone, once annoyed at Sayori for cheerful and now seeing her smile. A smile I know will disappear in due time, if things play out the same. However, I've already altered the story, if only by waiting for her instead of leaving on my own. The script has adapted exceptionally well, too, and I'd need everything I can get to help Sayori and the others.

"But, you don't need to wait for me, you know? I can't let you be late just because of me--"

"Dummy." I ranted, just to drop my hand on her head and ruffle her hair; her eyes shot wide open in surprise, only for her to close them with an ever greater smile and a giggle.

I need to keep a close eye on her depression. Neglect only made her hang herself, but I don't know where accurate assessment ends and where my own guilt messing with my head starts; for all I know she'd have hanged herself no matter what I did, with how Monika messed with her head through code. I can only hope that the script I've created for her does its job; I can't remove Monika's alterations, and the script alone won't do a thing on its own, so it all rests on me to do the heavy lifting.

---

Clubs. Getting dragged to the literature club didn't feel like getting my throat yanked with a chain like the first time, if only because now it was my choice. At least, it was in my mind, perhaps not Sayori's. Not completely, at least. And thus, today marks the day I sold my soul for the... I don't even keep count anymore.

"Everyone!" She cheered, opening the door to march in. I could do nothing but follow, much like all other times. "The new member is here~!"

There I found them again. The others. I caught Yuri's eyes first, having almost memorized where she'd be this time. First she seemed surprised, and I wouldn't blame her with Sayori's sudden entry, but still her shyness helped in that before she grew a smile.

"Welcome to the Literature Club." She greeted. "It's a pleasure meeting you. Sayori always says nice things about you."

"Seriously? You brought a boy?" I heard Natuski saying. God knows I had to stop myself from reciting that sentence with my mouth, knowing it word for word by now. "Way to kill the atmosphere."

"Ah, Anon! What a nice surprise!"

That voice. It still gave me chills, not only knowing what she was capable of, but at times not even knowing how much she truly knew and kept hidden. Monika.

"Welcome to the club!" She finished.

It all seemed to play exactly the same as the original script. I couldn't spot any changes other than what I did. Almost unconsciously I still followed with the original script, seeing it all the same and acting it through, till Natsuki left to get the cupcakes and Yuri the tea.

The tables had been arranged, that I remember, and I remembered one more detail too: Two spaces were available, one next to Sayori, and one next to Monika. The script, inevitably, gave me no option.

But now, I could change it. I knew what Monika did, and regardless of agreeing or not, I understood that she was in a position I pray never to find myself in. At its core, her curse was the script not allowing her too much interaction with me, leading from one thing to another and ending with... bad things. Perhaps I can make her happy, and ultimately delay what happened originally if not outright stop it. Choice seemed obvious, and so I headed over and sat next to her. A quick glance, and I found her showing subtle surprise; controlling herself for sure, blinking rapidly with wide open eyes for a second before regaining her composure. Had I not been looking for a reaction, I'd have not spotted it.

And like before, Natsuki arrived and unveiled her cupcakes. Sayori and Monika stared in amazement, and though the familiarity of the situation almost made me just stare blankly, almost bored, I fought off the urge. In fact, I don't think I even needed to fight back; seeing Natsuki's proud smile just caused the same in my heart that Sayori's smile did. Same as before, we all took one; same as before, she snuck glances at me, waiting for me to taste. Indulging her, I took a bite.

"...This is really good." I said. "Thank you, Natsuki."

Flustered, I could already predict her reaction. A tsundere, as much as I've heard the term so often it turned almost insulting.

Natsuki.

I don't recall her dying. She never did, rather, but instead was deleted. No closure for her, with her last memory being that of Yuri's decomposing body. How dreadful it must've been to her, to arrive to the club she imagined herself building great memories in, only for... that. Had parental issues. Malnourishment, too.

And then, Yuri returned with tea, placing a cup for each of us.

"You keep a whole tea set in this classroom?" I said. No reason not to follow through the script.

"Don't worry, the teachers gave us permission." She answered, shyness almost gone. "After all, doesn't a hot cup of tea help you enjoy a good book?"

Yuri.

Had a cutting problem. Turned obsessive in her last days, intensity like Sayori's depression. Stabbed herself thrice, probably not to kill herself but to vent, just to end up the same way. The script had broken enough to force me to watch for three entire days. The blood drying, the light in her eyes fading, unable to even look away. I saw the slight smile she had disappear in the third day. I don't know what went through her, nor do I want to know; was she still alive? There were times she realized she was changing for the worse, and I can't help but wonder, what if she realized after stabbing herself, knowing she was going to die? Dying in front of me, too. In front of someone she cared about.

Dreadful thoughts that have kept me awake for many nights, yet so many days and attempts passed that I could still very well follow the original script despite them.

It still felt strange. Some mixture of nostalgia and terror, living again memories and knowing how they'll end. It's not even just remembering them, but living them in the moment. The old days in act 1, before it all turned into whatever mess of a reality act 2 was. Sayori's presence alone felt relieving, since she only existed in that very first act, and here she was.

"I have an idea, everyone~" Said Monika, much to Natsuki's and Yuri's wonder. "Let's all go home and write a poem of our own! Then, next time we meet, we'll all share them with each other. That way, everyone is even!"

Yuri and Natsuki kept silent.

And Sayori jumped up with her eternal energy, "Yeaaah! Let's do it!"

And that's how we finish the day. The suggestion of poems. Feigning defensiveness and confusion as I follow the script till the end, I can only wonder if Sayori's poem will be any different tomorrow. I'm sure it will; if not for what I altered, then perhaps for what I did earlier. Not only that, but the idea of writing a poem with subtle hints of what I knew for Monika felt almost too tempting. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself, but I could try to save it for the festival, if things go right.

But through all joy and happiness the first day may have, I can not let it get to me. I have to remember that it was the same the first time, and all it led to was Sayori hanging herself, Yuri stabbing herself, Natsuki seeing her friend dead before being deleted, and Monika deleting the club entirely for all the suffering it brought to us all. The best ending back then was the deletion of us all, and I may go through endless senseless suffering for the mere chance to see us all through, or just the illusion of said chance.

The hard times have only just begun.

---

	DAY 2

---

Though I'm waiting and waiting, Sayori isn't coming out. It's not her oversleeping, it's way too late for even that. Had I waited for her the second day in the original script, I'd have something to compare this to, but still it struck me as strange. Something about Sayori striking me as strange, however, was a dead giveaway that something was terribly wrong; I had to learn that the hard way the first time. Thankfully, I could just walk into her house like it was mine, and thus I did, just to find no noises within and no indications that she was up and awake, let alone preparing for school.

Heart in my throat. For a second, I felt like puking. God, the memories came back so suddenly, realizing I was in the same mindset as back then. 'Something wrong, have to check, don't know what', and then, Sayori was gone. Hastening my pace, I made my way up. "Sayori?" I called, just to receive no response.

I hate this. The feeling of not knowing. Being kept in suspense, like someone or something keeping you dumb just to hit you with a revelation at the worst moment. I made my way to the stairs and marched up, to then reach Sayori's room and turn the handle.

My first instinct was to look at the ceiling. No rope hanging from there eased my heart a great share, and when I lowered my sight, I saw her lying on her bed. Eyes open, however, giving away that oversleeping wasn't her issue.

"Anon...?"

"Sayori."

After closing the door, I slowly walked up to her. She didn't even bother trying to sit up.

"I'm not feeling too well." She said. Her tone of voice, I couldn't describe it well enough, a mixture of stress and pain. The kind I heard of her in the last days, unfortunately enough. "Something I ate must've gotten me sick... I don't think I can go to school today."

I might've believed it the first time, but I know well that in the original timeline she didn't fall sick in the second day. Never, in fact. I knew too well what was happening here, which only made it worse. The script had changed through no action of mine. She had left school earlier that one time due to the depression Monika amplified, but now, to skip school entirely on the second day felt jarring.

And I'm not going to be the naive fool I was to abandon her. Rather, I calmly stepped forward and sat by her side on the bed.

"Anon, you're going to be late for school."

"Sayori, are you feeling well?"

She paused for a second.

"No. I'm... I'm sick, remember?"

"I'm staying with you till you recover, then."

"What? Anon, come on, are you really going to skip school? What about the others? What about the club?"

"They'll be fine."

"I'll be fine too."

"Sayori, I know you're not sick." I said. With that, she said nothing, and just aimlessly stared in a random direction. "I've known you for a very long time. I've seen you getting sick too many times, and you've never been like this. I may not be able to read minds to know what's wrong, but know that I'm always here. I've been with you ever since we first met, and I won't abandon you when you're like this, because you haven't abandoned me when I've gone through any hardship."

After a second, I saw her eyes moving to then lock with mine. First, she smiled, to then giggle and raise her arm to cover her face, just for her smile to turn jarring, as if gritting her teeth in pain instead. Almost as if on the verge of crying.

"Why?" She asked. "If I just told myself to suck it up and dragged myself out of bed, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe you wouldn't have worried about me and walked here. Stupid mistake of mine, to care about myself so much that I ended up lazying off in bed... Barely a day ago you started showing up to wait for me, and now this happens. The world wants to torture me."

"Sayori..."

I saw her then moving away her arm to rub her eyes, before replacing her expression with an empty smile.

"You really put me in a trap, Anon."

I can't help you if I have to keep pretending not to know, Sayori. Please, say it...

"But..." She continued. "You're wrong. You said I've never been like this but, truth is, I've always been like this. You're just seeing it for the first time."

Can't say a thing. Despite all I've gone through, I still don't know how to deal with these situations. Still, saying nothing still beats saying the wrong thing, and I know how saying the wrong things can mess things up. The least I can do is listen. After looking at each other's eyes for a while, she returned her gaze to the ceiling.

"I've had really bad depression my whole life."

Gut-wrenching to hear even now. The joy of hearing her say it so that I no longer have to pretend to not notice is overshadowed entirely by the reminder of what she had gone through.

"It's why I'm late to school every day. It's because most days, I can't find a reason to get out of bed. Why go to school? Why eat? Why make friends? Why make other people put their energy and caring to waste by having them spend it on me? That's what it feels like. And that's why I just want to make everyone happy... Without anyone worrying about me."

The first time, I was in shock. Now, I still am in shock. I suppose that the moment I get used to this tragedy, is the moment these loops have taken away my humanity. Yet, unlike the first time, I remained silent, just lowering my head. I may have done things wrong, that one time. I recall almost lashing out at her, saying precisely what she feared I'd say. I've had the luxury of multiple loops to think about it, but it still weighs heavily what I did.

Doesn't help that it's only the second day. Much as I'm worried about Sayori, I'm also worried about what sped things up this much. I can make some theories later, since now my focus has to be elsewhere.

"Sayori... How would you react if I still wanted to stay here?"

"And skip school?!" She asked, sitting up with a heartbroken expression. God, it hurt my heart to look at. "No!"

"You want me to stop caring about you?"

She sniffed, the then look downwards.

"I just... I just want you to not worry about me. That's all. Don't force yourself to do something just because you'd feel bad about me otherwise..."

"Alright. I understand." I said, standing up. Then, I made my way to the door; Sayori did nothing, I don't think she even glanced at me. "You moved the beanbag chair to the living room, right? If I'm staying here, I better make myself comfortable."

"What?" I heard her heartbroken voice asking, hearing the bed creaking while she stood up. Steps followed, drawing closer to me. "Anon, I'm begging you, just--"

In proximity enough, I turned around and embraced her with all my might. It silenced her completely, petrifying her. After a few seconds, I heard her sniff, to then find her arms wrapping around me as tightly as they could.

"You told me not to force myself to do something if I'd feel bad otherwise. I'd feel bad if I had to ignore everything you say. I'd feel bad if I had to see you pleading for me not to worry. I'd feel bad if you told me not to worry over and over again, despite knowing what you're going through. So I'll listen to you, and not force myself to leave. I want to stay here, and I don't care about anything else."

"Anon... You're killing me... But, some part of me wanted to hear that."

The part of you that isn't affected, Sayori. The part that Monika didn't alter. The Sayori I knew, still in there somewhere fighting, the one that wrote 'get out of my head' so many times in that poem.

---

A couple hours later, she had already fallen fast asleep. Can't say I didn't expect it, noticing how sleepy she was. From what she told me, her mind's been messing with her last night, not letting her sleep one bit. From that alone, I could figure out it was her depression amplified like in her last days, but now conflicting with the script I made for her. I don't want to imagine how much she must've suffered last night, but at least she's fine now; well, fine isn't the word, but at least she's alive. Here from the beanbag chair I set up next to her bed I could see her, at peace for once in her sleep, resting what she couldn't earlier.

But it's only me that knows of this. Yuri and Natsuki don't, perhaps for the best, and here I was messing with my phone after Sayori fell asleep, exhanging text after text with them over why we skipped school. For them, she was just sick. At least Natsuki and Yuri haven't asked why I knew their number without them even giving it to them; they must've assumed Sayori gave them to me, even though after so many loops I've almost memorized them. If I want to save them, I need to keep in contact from as early as possible.

What I can't understand, however, is why it all quickened so much. Was it what I did in the first day? The script could've taken what I did in the first day the first time as standard, and assumed what I did as a display of affection, something like the beginning of a route. Only now do I recall that Monika knew of our exchange the first loop in the weekend before the festival.

Should I have not waited for her? I don't know. Maybe I've made a mistake, but I can't just wait till everyone dies again to restart. That's when I'll get used to everyone dying, and that's when I'll lose my humanity.

But for all that plagued my mind, I still didn't know how I could save Natsuki and Yuri. I don't even know if I'll have enough time, with things going bad this fast. I never got past the festival, either; was it the hard limit of the script? Probably.

...

Monika...

How am I going to get through to you? You may still be the one behind this all, but you're still being messed with by the script. Seemed hopeless, and without myself knowing I was already giving a silent sigh.

She'll know. The walls have eyes. She knew of our exchange before Sayori hanged herself, she probably knew about the first day in this loop causing her depression to amplify, and she'll no doubt know what I'm doing this day this very moment. She yearned to spend time with me, and here I am skipping school altogether. Still, I have no regrets. I am cornered, in terms of choices; to do nothing will invite everyone's death, and trying to take control the situation will result in something like this. I knew what I was getting myself into.

But at least, Sayori gave me hope. Peaceful sleep, alive, seeing her trying to pull through.

Never give up, Sayori.

That's the script. Just 'never give up', clinging to her mind, but that's all there is to it. It won't magically snap her out of depression, and it won't cancel Monika's meddling. In fact, it'll make it worse, having those scripts tearing her mind in half as they clash against each other, but that's why I'm here. It's up to me to give those three words meaning.

But I may be running out of time already. My hands are already full with Sayori, and I've yet to even start with Monika, Yuri, and Natsuki.

---

	DAY 2

---

Our march to school turned silent. Can't blame her, really. Whatever glance I snuck to her, I found her looking down expressionless, without a word to say. Completely unlike her from days ago, or at least what show she put on; despite her current state, she already had depression since time ago, it only was amplified now. She must've recovered, though, if it was her own choice to go to school with me.

"Is there something on your mind?" I asked, curious.

"No, nothing really." She answered, though after a pause she took a deep breath. "It's all... empty."

Couldn't bring myself to add anything, if I even knew what to add. So, I kept silent. Our steps on the asphalt turned into a strange semblance of ambient noise, without even the breeze to run by us.

"Say... What keeps you going?" I heard her ask. "If someone asks you why you should exist, what would you answer?"

I see. The script is doing its job, hopefully. Still, Lord almighty was I not ready for these questions.

"I..." I said, yet with what a mess my thoughts were, I had to pause. I didn't even know what to say, yet. "I don't know. I suppose I have no reasons, really. I'd say for my friends, for everyone, but people come and go. If I got to know the others in club I'd say I'll go on for them, but before that I didn't have that reason, and still I went on. Same goes for everyone I know. I don't think the act of going on needs a reason."

She didn't answer. Maybe she got the answer she wanted, maybe she got something she didn't want to hear. Much as I've been through these loops so many times, I still can't know for sure.

"Do you feel alright enough to go to school, Sayori?"

Popping an empty smile, she nodded. In that empty smile, however, I swear I could notice a tiny sliver of honesty.

"I don't want to miss another day. I want to go with you, Anon."

"Are you saying that just to get me not to skip another day?"

"Even if you skipped, I'll go." She answered. Then, she gave a little chuckle. "But not before trying to drag you with me first."

The last line took me by surprise. I thought she'd be relatively cold, and here she was making me smile like a retard. Getting some payback, I dropped my hand on her head and ruffled her hair like yesterday, laughing with her.

---

"Hi again, Anon!" Greeted me Monika, just as Sayori and I walked into the club room. There they were, Natsuki and Yuri too, as normal as I remember them this early in the week. "Glad to see you didn't run away on us after that sudden break. Hahaha... I'm glad that Sayori got better. I was already missing her. I was missing you, too."

"Don't worry." I reassured her. "This might be a little strange for me, but I at least keep my word."

I couldn't gauge anything about her. Maybe she knew, maybe she didn't, but nothing I could tell from her words or demeanor. Still, I found Monika shifting glance to Sayori, who turned to see Monika in return. An eternal smile from Monika, and yet Sayori remained almost expressionless. I still couldn't get over it, how jarring it felt to see Sayori not being the happiest one around.

"Are you feeling better, Sayori?" Asked Monika.

"Kind of..." Answered Sayori, almost in a sigh. "A-Ahahah, that sickness punched the wind out of me, didn't it?"

"Ah, but you're here with us nonetheless, no?"

"I guess I am. I won't give up!"

"That's the spirit, Sayori!" She smiled, giving a thumbs-up. "Just hang in there!"

Eye twitched. Almost snorted in indignation. I can't even tell if it was intentional or not. Took inhuman strength to not snap. Yet, at that moment Natsuki arrived to talk with Sayori. The sight was distraction enough to make me not notice Yuri arriving too, but facing me instead.

"Thanks for keeping your promise, Anon." She said. "I hope this isn't too overwhelming of a commitment for you. Making you dive headfirst into literature when you're not accustomed to it..."

"Oh, come on! Like he deserves any slack." Said Natsuki, turning her head around upon hearing it.

Script's back to normal, I see.

From then on, I saw nothing out of the ordinary, other than the obvious lack of energy Sayori understandably had. Chit-chat, Natsuki and Yuri at odds with each other, and Sayori talking with Monika about the festival. The last part gained my full attention, to see Sayori still with a tired look and voice speaking with Monika, yet still keeping close to the original script somehow. It felt... uncanny. Despite having expected things to go differently, it still turned out somewhat the same; I could almost feel a shiver down my spine for the entire duration, unable to keep a thought out of my head: Has she put up an act to hide her depression for so long, that she turned extremely experienced at it?

I recall long ago, in the first loop. Talking with Sayori, with her telling me of reciting poems in the festival. She recited one of hers in front of me, and though I couldn't take it seriously over how much her voice changed from her usual self, perhaps that voice was closer to her true self than what I was used to hear.

In due time, their conversation ended. Monika stepped away, and Sayori sat next to me once again, though heavily dropping on her chair as if exhausted. Maybe not physically, but exhausted she must've been. Though as much as I wanted to ask something like 'Feeling better?', there wasn't much I could say that wasn't just spouting words for the sake of spouting words. Rather, I kept silent, giving a smile once her eyes met mine. In return, the edges of her mouth moved just a slight bit; truthful or not, at best she turned faintly happy in that moment, or at worst she still put in the effort nonetheless.

"Say, Anon..."

"Hm?"

"Thank you, for... for helping me dress up today." She said, whispering just enough for the others not to hear. "I just realized that I might've ended up looking like a mess, if I had to do it myself. Well, not a mess, but... Ahahah, it's not like I'd be eager to fix my outfit if I messed up somewhere."

I remember. Back in the original loop, finding her looking like a mess. Hair sticking out the sides, bow not even straight, toothpaste stain on her collar... At least, that's just a memory, and the Sayori in front of me doesn't have them right now.

"We have to help each other in any way we can, don't we?" I answered. I must be growing paranoid; I didn't want to tell her to call me whenever she needed help, fearing she'd only take it as me deciding to take up the burden she'd figure is hers to bear. At least, even if what I said might not work too well, it wouldn't be too big of an error. Still, her faint, empty smile disappeared after a few seconds, returning to her expressionless look staring aimlessly ahead.

"Okay, everyone!"

Monika's catchphrase, at this point. I knew exactly what she'd say. Her next phrase would be 'Why don't we share the poems we wrote now?'.

"Why don't we share the poems we wrote now?"

Though I wanted to ask Sayori if she had hers, I instead saw her reaching for her bag and rummaging for it. Following suit, I went ahead and reached for mine. Almost by instinct I extended mine to Sayori, to find her extending hers to me at the exact same time. For a second we kept still, staring at the funny coincidence before letting out a quick chuckle and exchanging. Curious, I began reading, wondering if it'd be the same as before or different.

'Rain', the title read. From this alone, I knew it to be different. I really wouldn't imagine her writing something like her first poem in this state, anyways.

At that moment, I realized. Sayori gave me her poem without any words. No embarrassment, no awkwardness, no fear, nothing. Uncharacteristic, though so was everything about her that I saw after knowign of her depression the first time. I can't imagine her not having at least the slightest bit of fear over what I'd think, so perhaps she's just fighting against the terror and gave me her poem despite it, like a child ripping off the bandaid despite how much it'd hurt. Or maybe I'm thinking too much into it.

Let's see, now...

	I looked out the window, and saw a man running.
	It was a sunny day, and he didn't stop running.
	I don't know where he went, or if he went anywhere at all,
	but still I saw him running, and he never stopped.

	I looked out the window, and saw a man running.
	It was a cloudy day, and he didn't stop.
	Exercising, I'm imagining,
	Breaking a sweat, yet never to drop.

	'Why are you running?', I had to ask
	'I just like running', he said with a smile.
	I just followed with my eyes,
	And soon I saw him depart.

	I looked out the window, and saw a man running.
	It was raining awfully, and he didn't look for shelter.
	'Why are you running?' I asked, 'It's like the sky is falling.'
	'I just like running,' he said, 'shame about the weather.'

	'You'll only catch a cold', I had to help him realize,
	'do you really want to run that much?'
	'I told myself I'd run every day,' he said with a smile,
	'and no rain will make me give up.'

It's... strange. Well, I shouldn't be surprised about it. I wasn't getting a poem from the Sayori I used to know so long ago, anyways. The most striking part, at least to me, seemed how well made it was compared to the first one I'd have gotten in the original script. Can't say anything about skill, I'm no poet, but it certainly didn't look like Sayori waited till the last moment to write it, ending it with wanting breakfast. Long, thorough, even rhyming. I can tell great effort went to this.

What's in your mind, Sayori? Using this for catharsis? If it works, it works. I'm sure the others will like it. Just thinking about the possibility of Natsuki and Yuri being surprised to see something like this makes a smile grow on my face.

When I turn my eyes to Sayori, I saw her sneaking a glance at me before immediately retreating her eyes back to my poem. Now that's something I knew the old Sayori would do.

"It's very nice." I said, extending her poem back to her. "Show it to Natsuki and Yuri, I'm sure they'll like it very much too."

"You... You think?" She asked, almost shyly taking back her poem. At the same time, she returned mine.

"Show it to them and find out. You know them better than I do, no?"

"Huh... Maybe, maybe I should."

I didn't see a smile from her, but standing up on her own to march to the others gave me enough certainty that she found her motivation. Fleeting and temporary, perhaps, but every little thing helps.

"Hi, Anon." Said Monika.

I could never get used to her. Those emerald eyes, that eternal smile, it all just made me question what was going in her mind. Knowing all she did, I probably wasn't wrong in being so insanely curious. As much as one side of me wanted to approach her, to help her, another part of me was stuck in a perpetual cycle of shivers down my spine with how terrifying her presence was sometimes. To know that she could delete the entire world with as much ease as just snapping her fingers gave her a dreadful aura, but that she didn't do that till the very end gave me hope. Hope, that deep down she was still looking for a way to do things with as little suffering as possible, as much as her definition of suffering or who it can apply to may differ.

"Having a good time so far? I thought Sayori stil recovering would make things a little too... dull, with how she's the life of the club most of the time, but even like that she keeps us from that fate."

"Even like that, the poor thing tries." I said. Unsure whether Monika knew that I knew, I decided to play it safe and pretend to be none the wiser about her. From here I glanced at Sayori, now sharing her poem with Yuri and waiting expectantly as she read, with Yuri's eyebrow rising in surprise. Called it.

"Yes. Maybe with you here too, it'll be even more lively. One thing is having Sayori here, but another is having Sayori and her friend too. Who knows, maybe by the end of it you'll be just as much of a friend to Natsuki and Yuri, and to me. We can all spend some time together, here. Anyway, do you want to read my poem now?" When I turned my eyes back to her, I found her with her poem extended, blushing slightly. "Don't worry, I'm not very good..."

"You sound pretty confident for someone who claims to not be very good."

"Well...that's 'cause I have to sound confident. That doesn't mean I always feel that way, you know?"

"I see... Well, let's read it, then." I answered, to take her poem with one hand and hand her mine with the other.

'Special', the title read.

From the title alone I could tell it was different. Why, I don't know the specific reason. Something I did for sure, but that's all I know.

	Perhaps it's for the best, perhaps it's for the worst
	That the ones who look at others, do so from their home
	From the lowest depths, the tallest tower shines
	And from the highest heights, the pitch black abyss shows

	From the top, nothing to climb towards
	And from the bottom, nothing lower there may be
	But as with all things in life
	Things are only as special as you let them be

Huh?

The motif broke, or am I understanding this wrong? I can't really picture this being about her state as a visual novel character relating to a real person in the outside world.

"It's...--"

"Hmph!" I heard Natsuki, grabbing my attention. So too did it grab Monika's and Sayori's, with us all turning to look on. There we found Natsuki and Yuri talking as if they were at odds already. "If I was looking for suggestions, I would have asked someone who actually liked it. Which people did, by the way. Sayori liked it, Monika liked it, and I'm sure Anon will not be any different. So based on that, I'll gladly give you some suggestions of my own. First of all--"

"Excuse me..." Said Yuri. "I appreciate the offer, but I've spent a long time establishing my writing style. I don't expect it to change anytime soon, unless of course I come across something particularly inspiring. Which I haven't yet."

Ah, yes. The arguing of the second day. Almost forgot about it for some reason.

...

Wait, wasn't the second day the one Sayori and I skipped?

"Nn...!" Ranted Natsuki, indignant.

"And Anon will like my poem just as much, you can be sure of that. I aim to impress him, if I'm able to."

"Oh?" Asked Natsuki, growing a devious, smug smile. "I didn't realize you were so invested in trying to impress our new member, Yuri."

Did it revert, because I wasn't in school? The script must've not advanced due to that. Still the argument went on as I imagined it. Even the line that flustered Yuri the most.

"I wasn't the one whose boobs magically grew a size bigger as soon as Anon started showing up!!"

"N-Natsuki!!"

"Um," at that moment, I saw Monika stepping off with a worried look in her eyes, marching towards them, "Natsuki, that's a little--"

"This doesn't involve you!" Shouted back both Natsuki and Yuri at the same time.

I recalled the argument, but so too I recall Sayori intervening. This time, however, I only saw her staring blankly, eyes wide open in disbelief; her state must've sapped her of all initiative, leaving her almost catatonic at this. So too do I recall Natsuki and Yuri arguing only after I read their poems, yet here we were. Part of me was at peace, knowing well that this argument would lead nowhere at its end, just a simple trade of words they'll make up for eventually; but so too part of me felt unnerved at the script's differences, fearing that another alteration could happen at any--

"Look who's talking, you wannabe edgy bitch!"

My eyes shot wide open at that instant, feeling my heart skip a beat. A quick glance, and I saw Monika so too shooting her eyes open, and so too did Sayori. My skin immediately felt like it was burning over the sudden stress over what that very sentence meant.

No.

"Edgy...?" Replied Yuri. "Sorry that my lifestyle is too much for someone of your mental age to comprehend!"

Is it really happening? The words they keep exchanging, they remind me of something else. Not the first timeline. The second.

"Whoa, be careful or you might cut yourself on that edge, Yuri. Oh, my bad... You already do, don't you?"

"D-Did you just accuse me of cutting myself?? What the fuck is wrong with your head?!"

"Yeah, go on! Let Anon hear everything you really think! I'm sure he'll be head over heels for you after this!"

"Anon." I heard Monika's whisper, just as she gently tapped my shoulder. It served enough to snap me out of my catatonic state, to turn my head to her and see her with an aghast look whenever she glanced at the two arguing. An act? Truthful? The script sure as hell wasn't supposed to go this quick, and Monika was anything but an expert on altering it. "We should go."

Couldn't help but agree. As Monika walked away, I stood up and followed, still throwing glances at the two who grew more and more violent by the second. Monika then stopped by Sayori, whispering to her and tapping her shoulder in the same manner as I; Sayori then looked at me, and in a reassuring gesture I nodded, at which point she gave one last glance at Yuri and Natsuki before following us out the room.

"S...Sorry about that..." Said Monika to us both.

Her voice seemed more... apologetic than that time in Act 2. It turned hard to tell what floated in her mind, still paranoid over it being an act for Sayori or truly repentant about a mess. Glancing to Sayori, she said nothing, instead glanced downwards slightly, as if wanting to imagine this never happened. I don't blame her. So do I, in fact, but I can't, because unlike her I know what happens next.

"It's probably better for us to stay out of this..." She continued. "We'll go back inside once they're done yelling. Ahaha..." She forced an awkward laugh, as if trying to relieve some stress and failing. For the pause that ensued, she only looked aside while rubbing her arm. "Some president I am, right? I can't even confront my own club members properly... I just wish I was able to be a little more assertive sometimes. But I never have it in me to put my foot down against others... You two understand, right?"

Then, silence. At least, as much silence as was possible past the muffled shouting within the classroom past the closed door. Not even able to look at each other in the eyes, the three of us remained in place, waiting, myself walking over to the wall and leaning against it. I'd have imagined Monika to continue her dialogue, saying that the argument might make me not want to spend time with them and instead spend it with her...

But she just said nothing.

I know what will happen. Natsuki will run out crying. From here, Yuri will slowly go nuts, leading to her death. With luck I'll have time till friday, but with how everything has been sped up so much, I may not even have enough time. I can't help Yuri while also helping Sayori, either. It's all happening so damn quick. It was all within the span of less than a week after all, and I can't pull a miracle alone.

Natsuki, though. She was deleted, but she did not kill herself, and if that last letter disguised as a poem was anything to go by, she deeply cared for Yuri more than she'd ever admit.

Frightening the life out of us, the door swung wide open for Natsuki to run out. Knowing it'd happened served little to ease the fright, much less the absolute heart-wrenching sight of Natsuki with tears running down her cheeks, gritting her teeth and sniffing, looking like she wanted to scream in agony yet bottling it up. The three of us could only look for a second before Natsuki ran out, God knows where.

And I abandoned her, that one time. Like a complete idiot, I abandoned her.

And I'm going to redeem myself of that sin.

"Natsuki!" I exclaimed as I began giving chase, almost knowing very well she'd disregard it and keep running.

"Anon!" Said Monika, making me stop in my tracks and turn to face her. "I'm worried about her as much as you are, but I don't know if cornering her would do any good. Sometimes, people need a bit of time alone."

Can I really trust you when you say that, Monika...?

"I won't abandon her in a time like this." I said. "I won't abandon anyone. If it was you who ran out the classroom crying, would you want me to stay here doing nothing?"

Silence. A pained expression grew on her face, lowering her gaze downwards with clear conflicting emotions taking over her. Then, she took a deep breath before raising her eyes to me again, a stern expression taking over.

"Go, Anon." She answered. "Make sure she's alright."

"I will. Sayori, let's go."

With a silent nod, she walked up to me; Monika and I exchange a final glance, before I departed with Sayori beside me in search of Natsuki.

But as heroic as this seemed, it still felt like a railroad spike slowly driven into my heart. I left Yuri. I abandoned her. I took Sayori with me over fearing what would happen if I left her alone with Monika, and yet I left Yuri alone to her fate. I had no choice, really; I was presented a choice where the best possible outcome still meant abandoning someone. I had to be pragmatic, though. Natsuki's mental state didn't deteriorate as much as Yuri's, perhaps because she just wasn't a target, but I still needed her to aid me in helping Yuri later on. I couldn't trust Yuri to help me with Natsuki-- or rather, the Yuri that resulted from Monika's amplification of her flaws. Asking a Yandere to help me with a girl was suicide; maybe literally, if I'm unlucky enough.

But I couldn't dwell on regrets and what-ifs. I needed to get to Natsuki's heart before Monika did. Forgive me, Yuri. I'll return for you, I promise.

And so we through the hallway, where I knew I saw her running through, but upon starting to doubt I stopped in my tracks with Sayori following. I didn't know where she ran to, having spent too much time with Monika--

...

'Having spent too much time with Monika'... The script has a strange sense of humor.

I kept quiet, silent, with Sayori doing the same. I had thought I'd be able to hear anything like Natsuki's steps, but I could not. I had no idea where she ran off to, now. The school was immense, and after exclaiming her name out loud she must've known I'd go after her, so she'd have gone hiding too. Letting my shoulders drop, I couldn't keep a pained sigh from escaping me.

"I think I know where she is." Said Sayori, surprising me. Raising an eyebrow, I turned my head to her, letting her know she had my full undivided attention. "She has to be on the roof."

"The roof...?" I asked, brows furrowing over how cliched of a location that was.

"It's off limits for students, and Natsuki as she is right now won't care. It's not like they check regularly for rule breakers up there, either."

"I uh... Alright, point taken."

Thankfully the roof was through a hallway nobody even went to, so we won't be seeing going there. With all haste we headed there, up staircase after staircase, entering said desolate hallway leading to the final staircase, before reaching the metallic door. Opening it felt like reaching the light at the end of the tunnel, our eyes having gotten used to the poorly lit hallway only to be mercilessly bombarded by the sun which had coincidentally placed itself right ahead of us.

But as we stepped out into the sun, we saw no signs of Natsuki. Unsurprising, since she wouldn't just be where we'd find her immediately. Without saying a word, both Sayori and I separated to find her, spreading out to cover more ground.

"Natsuki...?" I heard Sayori saying, almost in a whisper.

I heard it, but I felt I wasn't the one supposed to receive the message. When I turned around, I saw Sayori sorrowfully staring past a corner of the structure we just got out of, staring where I could not. Curious I got closer, till I saw what she saw. Natsuki, sitting down hugging her knees by the shadows, tears already by her cheeks with an expression of agony and pain. For those few moments, it felt as if time had stopped, since none of us three said nor did anything at all. Only the light breeze served as some manner of ambient white noise.

Monika's words rang true. I didn't want to corner her. Bombarding her with questions and accusations would do her no good. Truth is, I don't know if there's anything in my mind I could say that was any better than complete silent. It was the safe route, and so I took it, remaining wordless, only stepping forward and calmly sitting down next to her. No pressure, no rush, nothing. Just the silence around us, other than Sayori's noises as she followed suit and sat next to me. Her positioning was probably well-chosen, to sit next to me rather than Natsuki so as to not sandwich her and make her feel constricted. Planned or coincidental, it mattered not.

"I messed up." Sniffed Natsuki. I had expected her to be silent for much longer, in all honesty. "Didn't I?"

If I said yes, it'd be stabbing her in the heart for no reason. If I said no, chances are she'd not believe me, or disregard it. Silence, it was again.

"Why do I have to be like this?" She asked, raising her arm and rubbing her eyes with her sleeve, leaving it damp. "Why do I have to lash out at everyone? I'm a failure to everyone. The only thing I can do is hurt others, and what little I don't mess up is what hardly matters in the first place. Just when I think things might be looking bright for once in my life... I have to ruin it. Now I got too full of myself and lashed out at Yuri..."

Pains me, but still I need to keep silent. I don't think I've seen Natsuki like this in the earlier loops. Sure I've tried many times to save everyone, my determination rewarded with everyone's deaths multiple times over in front of my eyes, but there's always something new. I knew Natsuki, and I knew her flaws, but I can't recall her speaking of them in a situation like this, on a roof. Turning my head aside to look at Sayori, I found her as silent as I was, staring aimlessly with her entire focus devoted to listening. When her eyes met mine, I saw her expression; sorrowful, yet not expressionless like before. Whether it was an improvement or deterioration of her state, I haven't dealt with depressed people enough to know. I won't pretend to understand.

"I don't know what took over me." She continued after a pause. "It's like whenever I'm scared about being useless or annoying, I find a way to mess things up and remind myself of what I am. Like now." Then, another pause for a second, before narrowing her eyes, gritting her teeth, and then digging her head into her knees as she let out a sob. "I don't want to lose a friend... Yuri probably hates me now... I know you and Sayori don't see me the same way after what happened, but..." She raised her head again, to look at me with those teary eyes which had already begun crying again. "Please, don't leave the club. This is the first time it ever happened, we're not like this."

"I won't leave, Natsuki." I reassured her.

Controlling a few sobs, she returned her eyes forward again, though there I could notice a faint trace of a smile.

"Why are you even here with me, rather than with Yuri? Going all the way up here... She didn't leave the classroom, right?"

"Monika is with her." I said.

As much as I meant it in reassurment, it only gave me chills. She thinks it was only her mind, her actions, her fault, but I know it was Monika's meddling that made Natsuki and Yuri violent enough to argue that much. It was her who made Sayori this depressed, to the point she couldn't even intervene. Regardless of any feelings towards Monika for that, it's still an outside entity doing this, rather than themselves. Perhaps it's for the best that they don't know. Sayori hanged herself in a timeline where she was the club president, a timeline where Monika didn't exist.

But that means I can use the knowledge to gain their trust, slow and methodically. I can't be too quick, as perhaps immediately going against the script and waiting for Sayori instead of going without her messed things up. I can not risk it again...

...but knowing my luck, I will not be given any choices, much like how I needed to spend even more time with Sayori to help her with the depression that had occurred ahead of time. Best case scenario, I lead Natsuki to be suspicious of Yuri on her own like in the original timeline which led her to write that letter to me, and use that suspicion to convince her to help me.

Best case scenario... I better start assuming things will go wrong. I told myself that the hard times have only just begun, and now I'm past the luxury of a normal first day.

"Natsuki?" Said Sayori, surprising me over how used I had gotten to her silence.

"Hm?" Asked Natsuki, without a hint of agression or irritation. Almost serene. Has she let it all out through crying and talking to me? Was it Monika's meddling wearing off for the time being? Maybe even both.

"It's getting late and cold. We should go."

Silent for a moment, Natsuki took a deep breath. "Yes..." She answered. "We should."

Natsuki was the first one to stand up. Both Sayori and I followed suit, and the three of us departed back the way we came from.

After a short trip, we arrived to the classroom again, yet neither Monika nor Yuri were anywhere to be seen. Though Natsuki and Sayori remained calm, I already felt I'd start sweating.

A note, on a desk. I noticed it immediately, left there obviously to be noticeable. I stepped up to the desk and grabbed it, and began reading.

A note from Monika. I could recognize that handwriting anywhere, now. Says that with how late it was getting, the two headed home. So too did Monika hope that, with the time we'll have till tomorrow, things can calm down and hopefully be resolved.

I don't know if she did something to Yuri. Extending the note to the others just caused a relieved expression on Sayori and no reaction with Natsuki, but God almighty I needed to put effort in not starting to panic.

With all that's been going on, I don't think I'll be able to rest easy tonight.

---

"Has it really never happened before?" I asked, rubbing my head as I sat on the bean bag chair.

"They aren't like that." Answered Sayori from her bed. "I never saw them like that before. Never saw them arguing, let alone with each other."

I knew what answer I'd get. Still, part of me wanted to just make sure. The paranoid part of me that thought that the entire past might've gotten overwritten to fit their new personalities as if they were always like that with faulty memories. Now that I think of it, these new events didn't help my paranoia a slight bit. So many loops, and I could never predict a single one of them to full detail. The script adapted exceptionally well; so well, in fact, that it caught me by absolute surprise how Yuri and Natsuki began arguing before I even read their poems.

Originally, if I could gauge it well, it was Monika trying to make them unlikeable enough to make me naturally gravitate towards her, but I can't be sure now. Much as I can see that reasoning, it still interrupted Monika and I from talking, and ended up making me spend my time with Natsuki afterwards.

The script must be fighting back. Monika wasn't an expert in script altering, that's for sure, but where does her coincidental failures end, and where does the script rearranging itself to fulfill its original purpose start? And whose fault was it that I ended up experiencing events from Act 2, even though we're supposedly still in Act 1 with Sayori very well alive and existing? Monika's, or the script's?

I said it'll be difficult to sleep tonight, but now I'm sure it'll be straight up impossible.

"Natsuki might look mean," added Sayori, "but she never means it."

Well, at least I have the morale boost of Sayori still being among us.

I really needed to stop myself from adding 'For now' after that thought...