In which Jaspers is an /excellent/ Sherlock

-*- carapaceGrinder THIS ROMANCE NOVEL IS TERRIBLE
-*- carapaceGrinder IT'S LITERALLY ABOUT A WOMAN AND THE TWO MEN WHO LOVED HER
-*- carapaceGrinder EASILY THE MOST CLICHE EXAMPLE OF ROMANTIC GEOMETRY I COULD HAVE HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO OBSERVE
-*- carapaceGrinder AND SHE'S ALL LIKE 'OH NO WHICH ONE SHOULD I COMMIT TO'
-*- carapaceGrinder EVEN THOUGH THE TWO OF THEM COULD ACTUALLY PROBABLY GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER
-*- carapaceGrinder AND THEY COULD EASILY ALL JUST GET THE FUCK ALONG. GOD I HATE THIS MANUFACTURED DRAMA
<-> Jaspersprite is now known as abridgedConsultant
-*- abridgedConsultant "1t ends with her falling for the charismatic postman in the end. There, now you can put it away." So, he finally died. Had to happen eventually, he guessed-- frankly, he was more disappointed in the fact that his death could have been much more... climactic. But there was little to be done about it now; best to let sleeping dogs lay. The bottom line is t
<carapaceGrinder> ((too loooooong))
<abridgedConsultant> hat he, Sherlock Holmes, is dead. Dead, and in the dullest mansion he has ever set eyes on in his entire life.
-*- abridgedConsultant There's not a furniture store in all of London that houses these many sofas, dear /lord/.
-*- abridgedConsultant He stands in the kitchen doorway-- arms crossed behind his back.
-*- carapaceGrinder looks up at the human, and closes the book. WELL OKAY I GUESS I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT ENDING he thought. He didn't care that much though
<carapaceGrinder> NEED MY ATTENTION OR SOMETHING, PALE-FACE?
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<abridgedConsultant> "As a matter of fact I do, otherwise I wouldn't have been /talking/ to you." Under any other circumstances, he'd much rather settle for securing a room to spend the remainder of existance in-- or even find a more interesting bubble-- but sadly, he doesn't have the damndest clue where he /is/ at the moment-- leaving him to speak with /this/ card. "Being the on
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<carapaceGrinder> ((cough))
<Nitro> [He's writing, I think -- takes a minute to replace those 1's.]
<abridgedConsultant> ly other faux-breathing /thing/ here, I would assume you know where we are precisely?"
<abridgedConsultant> "And yes, I am aware that I have died before you say anything."
<abridgedConsultant> [[Compruder u ok]]
<carapaceGrinder> ((oh its jaspers, lol))
-*- carapaceGrinder swings his legs around and sits up, dropping the book on the cushion next to him. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees
<abridgedConsultant> [[Yeah-- 1 posted a th1ng already though, unless 1t]]
<abridgedConsultant> [[D1dn't go through--]]
<chthonianGunslinger> (it went through uvu)
<carapaceGrinder> WELL YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE AN ACTUAL FUCKING CLUE WHERE THIS IS.
<carapaceGrinder> I JUST KNOW I'VE BEEN STUCK HERE SINCE I... WENT COMATOSE OR WHATEVER THE SHIT HAPPENED TO ME
<carapaceGrinder> AND ITS FILLED WITH ASSHOLES, ROOMS, AND HALLWAYS THAT TRY TO GET YOU LOST ON PURPOSE
<serpentineTrickster> "Died's a bit more likely, all things considered. must have been plenty who wanted you dead back home, yeah?"
-*- carapaceGrinder brieftly reacts to the voice with confusion, then sighs and rolls his eyes as he recognizes it from the previous evening
<serpentineTrickster> 'Not to mention you *snrrk* illustrious military career," said the voice, once again coming  from an unseen source overhead
<carapaceGrinder> HEY MAYBE IF YOU'D ACTUALLY WALK INTO THE FUCKING ROOM YOU'D SEE THAT MY EYES AREN'T BLANK WHITE. ALSO YOU BET YOUR NONEXISTANT ASS THAT PLENTY OF PEOPLE WANTED ME DEAD. AN ENTIRE INTERSTELLAR CIVILIZATION DID, AS A MATTER OF FACT, AFTER I CONTINUALLY MURDERED THEIR FUCKING FACES OFF
-*- abridgedConsultant walks further into the room, the tail of his trenchcoat following suit. "You were incapacitated for an indefinite ammount of time from a wound on the battlefield and have been recovering, gradually, since then. I would ask which war you've been in, but I... can't exactly find myself caring, no." Congratulations, Karkat Vantas, you have told him exactly ev
<abridgedConsultant> erything he already is aware of--
-*- abridgedConsultant ... Oh?
<serpentineTrickster> "But walking is so /boring!? and you really should learn t otake a joke. You're not going anywhere until you're de-comatized, and in the meantime you get to relax somewhere with no danger or obligations. So what's got you so
<serpentineTrickster> wound up?"
-*- carapaceGrinder sighs again, rubbing his forehead with a hand. THESE PEOPLE JUST COME IN PACKS, DON'T THEY?
-*- abridgedConsultant A glance about is taken, at the sound of an unseen voice. No speakers to be seen, no 1mmed1ate source to be found... all th1ngs cons1dered, that was probably one of the most 1nterest1ng th1ngs to have happened 1n the afterl1fe so far! ... Granted, that--
-*- abridgedConsultant That wasn't say1ng very much at all, no, but--
-*- carapaceGrinder WHICH SHITLORD SHALL I ADDRESS FIRST. LET ME ROLL THE DIE
-*- carapaceGrinder decides to start with the guy who has at LEAST bothered to be physically present
-*- abridgedConsultant Even st1ll! Color h1m /1ntr1gued/.
<abridgedConsultant> "When a possibly omnipotent being begins to adress you I'd /personally/ try and withold some tact."
<serpentineTrickster> "Omnipo - ha! You flatter me. Not even close, though," says the man as he comes int view, sitting cross-legged on the cieling, grinning up/down at the other two.
<chthonianGunslinger> (iT'S A LEPRECHAUN)
<chthonianGunslinger> (QUICK SOMEONE CATCH HIM)
<chthonianGunslinger> (do you know how hard it is to get a box of lucky charms in the afterlife)
<carapaceGrinder> WOW THANKS FOR THE ADVICE I'LL TAKE IT TO HEART. CLEARLY A GUY WHO IS OBVIOUSLY NEW HERE IS A GREAT SOURCE OF ADVICE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THE MULTITUDINOUS RESIDEMT WANNABE GODS
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<abridgedConsultant> "Fair enough-- was a shot in the dark, really." He's taken aback, 1f only 1n the sl1ghtest of manners, at the abruptly mater1al1z1ng newcomer seated on the ce1l1ng. "Being here for some time could be as insulting as it is admirable, mind you." That sa1d, h1s attent1on snaps rather qu1ckly from Karkat to 1hd, at th1s turn of events. Absolutely /fasc1nat1ng/.
<abridgedConsultant> "Explain-- if you're not omnipotent, what /would/ you closer identify with?"
-*- abridgedConsultant ... Rather to the point, he is.
-*- carapaceGrinder just listens. He's interested in what this spooky jerk's deal is too, despite himself
<serpentineTrickster> He thinks for a moment before answering. "Cosmic pest-slash-scapegoat."
<serpentineTrickster> "Slash-freelance-court-jester."
<serpentineTrickster> "...a;though cosmic is overstatign things a bit."
<serpentineTrickster> ((btw
<serpentineTrickster> minus the tie, this is what he's wearing: http://25.media.tumblr.com/ba6428bdfa54ae635d14a39082b1e362/tumblr_mic358QqzW1qlcg2go1_500.jpg ))
<carapaceGrinder> ((what's his head look like?))
-*- abridgedConsultant A smaller su1t
-*- abridgedConsultant W/ googly eyes glued onto 1t
<serpentineTrickster> (darkish skin of ambiguous race, curly black hair, mirrored sunglasses, p much constantly looks like he's struggling not to laugh))
<serpentineTrickster> (g2g, dinner