Undertale - What is Love

What is Love?

Asriel has a question for Frisk, and a rather unusual request. Post Reprise, pre Coda continuity.

SFW, Young Frisk and Young Asriel, Soul booping, metaphors and emotions. Word count: 3117

***

Frisk tapped the pen on the diary, wracking their brain. August, 202X. What happened, then? It was after the treaty, but before the riots. They wanted to say… something about Britain? Or Sweden?

Frisk rolled their eyes and flipped the diary closed, picking it up and slotting it back into its place on the shelf. A row of matching diaries filled the length of it, each full of meticulous notes, written as best Frisk could manage from memory. Turns out, 80 something years was a long time to remember something, even with all of Frisk’s practice.

Trying to refresh their mind, Frisk touched the tablet on the desk, which flicked to life, displaying a news feed, and then reached up and snatched the most well worn diary, the one that corresponded to this year. It was what, the 8th? Frisk flicked to the right page and gave the notes there a wary glance.

Nothing major, today. Hopefully. Frisk turned from the book to the tablet, scrolling through it and keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. Disasters, discoveries, declarations, anything.

Some days, it felt pointless, trying to stay on top of the complexities of time like this. But Frisk couldn’t just stand back and be a passenger, they had to at least try. There was the potential to do tremendous good, here. Although-

A quiet, timid knock shocked Frisk out of their meditation. They snapped the diary shut and crammed it back into the shelf, bringing the panel down to obscure it and locking it closed with a fluid, practiced motion, before turning in their chair to face the door.

“Yeah?”

After a short delay, the handle turned and the door creaked softly as it swing open. The creak was intentional. Harder to induce in a door than Frisk had expected, too. Asriel’s snout crept through the crack in the door, followed shortly by the rest of him.

“H-howdy Frisk. I didn’t disturb you, did I?”

“No, it’s fine. I was basically done anyway.”

Asriel seemed to sigh with relief, opening the door fully and shuffling inside. Frisk’s study was kinda small and stuffy, filled with piles of books and paper, but it had a comfy couch and a nice view out onto the street and the nature reserve near the outskirts of town. Whenever Frisk was in here but not working on ‘timeline stuff’, Asriel liked to come in and hang out, read, talk about whatever. The adults generally left them to it, usually only disturbing to bring food and drinks.

A little den for the two of them. Frisk grinned to themselves at that thought, as Asriel shuffled some paper out of the way and took up his preferred perch on the couch’s arm.

“So, anything important today?”

“Just the usual stuff, nothing to worry about.”

Asriel’s mouth set, a familiar expression of concern. They both knew he worried about Frisk, and the amount of time Frisk spent worrying about timelines and divergences. But, Asriel was also perhaps the only other person alive who understood what it was like, for Frisk. So, he waited patiently while Frisk struggled with obsession and need. If nothing else, Frisk appreciated his patience.

“But... you’re finished?”

“Yeah. I was just wondering what to do with the rest of the afternoon, actually.”

That was a lie, but not much of one. Frantically scanning headlines was usually the prelude to short moments of despair, followed by a short walk and the resumption of real life, such as it was.

“Huh. Cool, cool.” Asriel nodded and looked down, awkwardly fiddling with the hem of his oversized sweater.

Frisk counted to four, and then opened their mouth. “Did you have something you wanted to talk about, Az?”

“What? No! No. I just, w-wanted to say hi, is all. Come hang out for a bit.”

“That’s cool.”

Frisk waited for it.

“Although…”

Frisk spun the chair and shifted, crossing both legs and getting comfortable. There was always time for Asriel, and his not infrequent personal questions. Asriel, for his part, had the decency to look at least a little embarrassed at Frisk’s knowing smile. He took a small, steadying breath, and continued.

“Have you ever wondered if you’re… I dunno, feeling properly?”

“You mean like, you’re sick?”

“No, no, I mean…” Asriel waved at the air, struggling to find the words for whatever was bothering him. “Like, as if you’re doing it wrong, somehow.”

“You mean, feeling things?”

“Yeah. I’m wondering if I’m not feeling things right.”

Frisk considered this problem. It sort of made their brain hurt.

“I wasn’t aware it was possible to experience emotions in a wrong way. I’m pretty sure your feelings are just your feelings, there’s no right or wrong about it.”

“Yeah but, I didn’t…” Asriel trailed off, and Frisk cursed internally. The past had a nasty habit of melding together for them, anything that happened more than a few months ago might as well have been a lifetime, but for Asriel, the past was still fresh and raw. That was sloppy, Frisk would have to try not to do it again.

“Right, sorry. That whole thing. But, I thought your feelings came back once you got your soul back?”

Asriel nodded. “Yeah, for sure. It’s been a little overwhelming, sometimes, honestly. But it’s a lot better than nothing. I think I have most of it down, I’m just… Missing something.”

Something? Something specific. Frisk wondered what it could be.

“What do you think you’re missing?”

Asriel looked down again, back to fiddling with his sweater. Frisk noted that he was blushing, slightly. “W-well… I mean, I know I feel a lot of things. I get happy and sad and angry and all that stuff, normal stuff, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt…”

He whispered something and Frisk didn’t quite catch it. He shrunk back into his sweater slightly.

“What?”

Asriel made a tiny noise and slipped the neck of his sweater over his snout, hiding inside it. He tended to do that when he was particularly embarrassed. From inside, his voice came, only just barely louder than before.

“...Love.”

Oh. Ohhhh. Oh shit.

“W-what do you mean, Az? Lots of people love you!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Asriel waved a hand, the sweater’s sleeve flopping around at the end of it. “Mum n’ Dad and all that. That I get, it’s sorta warm and fuzzy and stuff. That’s not… What I was talking about though.”

Frisk was prepared for nearly anything that could conceivably happen, in this timeline and most of its close variants. They had been nearly everywhere in the world at some point, seen an incredible variety of things, and learned so much about life and the people who lived it. And Asriel was about to ask them something they had no clear answer to.

“I… I wanna know what it feels like to… Be in love with someone. What is love like, Frisk?”

Frisk put on their best, most gentle and understanding smile, stalling for time as they screamed internally.

“Heh, I uh, that’s a heck of a question Az!”

“You think it’s stupid, don’t you…”

“No! No, that’s not what I meant at all. Um. It’s just, I uh, I’ve kinda… Never…”

Asriel peeked out of his sweater, eyebrow raised. “You… haven’t ever been in love with someone either?”

This was entirely unfair.

“I, I’ve been in love before. I just, I never told them about it. Didn’t have time, never felt right. Plus, timelines.”

“Oh Frisk! That’s awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Asriel seemed to forget himself for a moment, now that he wasn’t so intensely focused on himself. “That must have been very hard for you.”

“I can’t say it was easy.”

“Well, the timeline is safe now, right? This is the one, you said so yourself. Why don’t you reach out to them?” Asriel’s brow furrowed as he considered the idea of Frisk’s mystery crush. “Although, you’re kind of still a kid right now, like me. Sorta. Older on the inside, but I don’t think that would matter much to anyone who wasn’t you or me. Hmm… Complicated.”

“Complicated. Yeah. A little.” Frisk felt like they were about to herniate something with the effort required to keep a straight face. Deep breaths, that was the ticket.

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that Frisk. I guess you can’t really help me either, then…” Asriel sighed, slumping back a little. “I’m kinda jealous of whoever it is you like, though. At least they have someone, if you ever manage to get to them.”

“D-don’t be like that, Az. I’m sure there’s someone for you as well. You never know, love tends to come from unexpected places.”

“But how will I know it if I come across it?” Asriel looked up at Frisk, sounding a little upset. “How can I recognise something I’ve never felt? I’m not like you, I can’t just figure these things out on the fly. If… If only there was some way for you to show me…”

Frisk’s expression softened. “If I could let you into my heart and show you how it felt, I would, Az.”

“Yeah, but…” Asriel trailed off, staring at the ground in silence for a moment, before his eyes widened in realization. “Maybe…”

Frisk was filled with apprehension. “I know that look. How worried should I be?”

“Eh… It’s probably nothing, but… You know how Souls can be manifested?”

Frisk had a lot of experience with that, actually. Any kind of combat with a monster involved exposing their soul, the most vulnerable part of any human to magical interference, be it good natured or ill. It was harmless, but it still set Frisk’s teeth on edge.

“Yyyyeah?”

“Do you… Do you mind if I…”

Frisk took their own deep, calming breath. This was fine. Do it for Az.

“Sure, go ahead. I’m not sure what you’re planning, but I trust you.”

Asriel carefully scootched to the edge of the couch, extracting his limbs from the sweater in the process. He leaned forward, reaching out with one hand, and Frisk fought the urge to grab it before he pressed it lightly against their chest. It felt a little like an electric shock, causing Frisk’s heart to race, a small surge of adrenaline rushing through them as Asriel reached out with what magic he could muster. For a moment, it seemed like nothing was happening.

A rush of red light cast a small flare about the room, and Asriel drew his hand away from Frisk’s chest. The light floated in a diffuse haze above his fingers for a second, before focusing and pulling in on itself in a single point, flashing one last time as it crystallized into a red heart, which gently landed in the palm of his hand. Frisk winced, momentarily overcome with the sensation of a gigantic hand holding the entirety of their being. Asriel looked from the Soul to Frisk, smiling.

“I did it!”

“Y-you sure did. Be careful with that, ok?” Frisk forced themselves to unclench both hands, which were white knuckled against the armrests of their chair. Relax.

“Of course.” Asriel gently placed the Soul in his lap, causing Frisk to jump again, but he didn’t even notice. Instead, he was intently holding both hands in front of his chest as though praying. As Frisk watched, white light crept between his fingers and then faded, and he hefted his own Soul with one hand gently, looking far less disturbed than Frisk felt. It occurred to Frisk that this probably wasn’t the first time he had summoned his own Soul like this. Maybe this was part of a monster’s magical development? Like some kind of magical puberty?

Considerations for later. For now, Asriel had picked Frisk’s Soul back up in his other hand. Gigantic fingers. A most unusual sensation.

Asriel smiled, looking a little unsure but determined. It seemed like he was ready, whatever his plan was.

“You ok, Frisk? You look a little pale.”

“Yeah, no problem. What are you gonna do with those, now?”

“Well, first I wanted you to think about that person of yours, and bring the feeling to the front of your mind.”

To Frisk’s credit, they didn’t burst into laughter. “I can do that. Then what?”

“This.” Asriel gently touched the two Souls together.

Clink.

***

It was warm. Sharp. Frisk’s love was overwhelming, like a river, threatening to wash Asriel away. It was easy to forget that Frisk was the most determined person alive, and had emotions to match.

Asriel took deep breaths, trying to separate the rush of sensations out into its parts. He coped with emotions these days by trying to study them as they happened. It felt… Well, it was happy. Frustrated. There was need, desire, a dark and swirling feeling of intent. Affection, playfulness. Those were lighter, brighter, floating at the surface. Frisk wanted to protect, to help, to nurture. Closeness, comfort, intimacy, security. Safety. Nakedness. No, honesty. They seemed to be the same thing, to Frisk. As though secrecy was also protection, and more than anything else, they desired to be rid of it with at least one other person.

Asriel realised he was feeling a little dizzy. He leaned back on the couch, his body and mind out of step with one another. Back in Frisk’s study, the both of them were trying to relax and not fall over, but here, Frisk was so close to him. The movement caused by his body relaxing back caused the Souls to rub against one another, and it took a moment for that to translate through to wherever they were now.

The emotion cloud flared in intensity, rushing over Asriel like a storm. Frisk was in there somewhere, too. It was like being hugged by rain.

It wasn’t a bad feeling though. The darkness and the light, needs and desires, they all blended into this very alive feeling of, well, closeness. Frisk was right there, next to him, and they cared so much. They cared with everything they were capable of mustering, a force that could barely be contained in their body, a hunger that give strength instead of sapping it. Back on the couch, back in reality, Asriel began to gently rub the Souls together, his hands barely strong enough to move. He wanted more. It felt so warm, to be loved.

***

It was torment. Torture of the highest degree. So close, and yet also on the other side of the room. Asriel’s eyes were lidded, nearly closed, he was so focused on Frisk’s emotional turmoil. It felt dangerous, to show this much. Surely, he would figure it out. It was so obvious, the fear of discovery was clutching at Frisk’s heart with icy fingers. But, at the same time, Frisk wanted to be found out so badly it hurt.

Asriel felt… Soft. All he wanted was to accept and love. Frisk could feel the love in him, it had been there all along. Not for the first time, Asriel had just worried his way into a twist, making mountains out of molehills, so preoccupied with making mistakes or doing the wrong thing.

Frisk just wanted to hold him. But, neither of them could really move, so split between two worlds as they were. Instead, Frisk reached out with their soul, wrapping the shining light of Asriel’s essence in their own.

Frisk held him close, and for the first time in a long time, Frisk relaxed. It was good to hold him.

***

Knocking. On the door. That meant something and it was kinda important. Frisk struggled to wake from their… Nap? Drug trip? Whatever the hell that was. Visions of warm, white light, intertwined with red, floated hazily through Frisk’s mind. On the couch, Asriel was stirring. Both of the souls were gone, presumably back inside their respective homes.

Frisk stumbled a little as they managed to grab the door’s handle, shaking themselves to try and throw off the stupor. The handle turned and the door opened a crack.

“Oh! Child, I hope I didn’t wake you two. I just wanted to let you know that dinner is nearly ready.”

“It’s fine, thank you. We were just… Resting.”

“That’s good. Asriel seemed a little out of sorts at school today, but I am glad he has you around to help him through his moods.” Toriel peeked around the door, smiling at Asriel as he squirmed lightly on the spot on the couch, his eyes closed as though he were still half asleep. “You two should come down when you’re ready, in your own time.”

“We will!”

Toriel gently closed the door and Frisk sighed, a little relieved. There was a slight, creeping suspicion in their mind that if anyone found out what Asriel had just done, they might take exception to it. Still, hopefully it had been a positive experience for him. Speaking of…

“Hey. Hey.” Frisk gently shook Asriel, watching him gradually rose to full wakefulness. “You ok?”

“Mhhrh? Nnnh. ‘m fine.” Asriel yawned and pulled himself upright, blinking moisture out of his eyes. Frisk cleared off the spot next to him on the couch and flopped down there heavily, feeling oddly exhausted for having done basically nothing.

“Well, I hope that was… Whatever you were looking for. I dunno if what I have is really what you need, but I-Ah!”

Frisk stopped, arms raised, looking down at the boss monster who was leaning into them and hugging them, his head resting against Frisk’s side.

“You must really love them a lot, Frisk.”

Frisk opened their mouth and closed it, tense and unsure what to say or do.

“You feel so strongly about them, it’s honestly a little scary. But you love them so much, it makes me happy to know that there’s someone out there that you’d do anything for. I know you’re going to be alright, and so will they, whoever they are. I hope you two are happy together.”

“I… I’m...” Frisk struggled with the urge to scream, confess, cry, and kiss, all at the same time.  The conflicted moment stretched until Frisk felt like they were going to snap, but Asriel’s soft smile as he leant against them, it pulled all the fire out of Frisk. They relaxed, putting an arm around him. “I’m sure we’ll be ok. I appreciate it, Az.”

“Thanks for sharing with me. I hope I can feel like that, someday. At least I know what to expect, now, kinda.”

“Any time, Az.” Frisk whispered, gently petting Asriel’s back with their hand. Dinner was soon, this spell would be broken in a mere moment, but for now, Frisk was happy to let it linger. “For you, any time at all.”