Garfield VS John ft. Oodie Rap Battle

Hey john, what's gucci? The claw has struck the poochie.
And now you're gonna bow down to my ass and give a smoochie.
I'm the number one recognized face in comic land
Your face looks like my wrinkled feline scrotum in the sand
Cause let's be honest, man, noone even knows that you exist
You can't ever get a date, and you're always fuckin pissed!
I only wanna nap, I'm a cat that loves to snooze
but when it comes to rap, john, you're always gonna lose
I'm feeling some italian, let's go hit up mussolini
but none of that whole wheat shit, do you hear me?
you never really grew up, I've seen you play with dolls
I'll serve you up a steaming plate of my lasaga balls
when they're fresh out the oven, even odie understands
i'm the dominant feline in this suburban homeland
you better stand at attention cause im always in command
now go make me some lasaga, bring it back at my demand

Listen up garnfondle, I'll teach you a lesson
When you get diabetes you'll be asking me for my blessin'
It's not okay how you sit around and eat all day
You're a fat kitty cat and I'm gonna make you pay.
You think you rule this house, and everything in it
But we both know you don't,  you smelly armpit.
Every day I regret picking you for adoption
I don't want to kick you out but you've left no other option.
Garfield you raid my fridge and gain all that fat
I'm gonna hit you with my baseball bat.
You nap all day, you're just a little bitch
And no, I'm not going to get you that sandwich.
Speaking of going out, why not take a walk?
Lose a little weight, you're a laughingstock.
You're a dumb cat, I don't take orders from you
Now get out of my house you sizzling pile of poo

Who's got the claws here, you or me?
I got these weapons at my fingers, just don't tempt me or you'll see
just how short and insignificant your life can be
you're my pet and i'm your owner. watch me piss into your tea
I got an AK-47 somewhere by my bed
before you get to scream like a bitch, you'll be dead.
I know kat-fu, bro, got a black and orange belt
There's no defense against the solid hand i've dealt

Solid hand? Yeah, right, you've got it all wrong,
Nothing you got is solid, including that tiny ding dong.
Piss in my tea? Nah, that's not happening,
The way you think you're my owner? It's really saddening.
I don't know why you're even trying man,
It's embarrassing, we both know you've got no plan,
I'm gonna kill you faster than George killed Pakistan,
So even your dick will be longer than your lifespan.

you're all bark and no bite, we all know that you're a wimp
you have never known love, so I'll slap you like a pimp
It's Garfield, get it right you dyslexic dope
my legacy's so righteous, I may as well be the pope
I make millions of people laugh their head off every day
you're a failed cartoonist, it's a job that doesn't pay!
we're living off of welfare, you lazy scumbag
when I open up my eyes and see your mug I want to gag
Cause we can't afford a shower and you smell like dead rat
go and get fucking job and stop debating with your cat
you're pathetic, you're a loser, It's a shame I even know you
and you just can't find a girl or a hooker that'll blow you
I've seen a lot of chicks, and i'm sure they'll be agreeing
you're a useless worthless disgrace of a human being
I get way more pussy than you, so cut the crap
oh look at the time, I gotta take a nap.

You're not taking a nap, I'll make you sleep forever,
You're not beating me, my lines are too clever.
When are gonna get a job? Oh right, never!
You would be better off dead! However...
I'd like to keep you around, maybe make you my slave,
Maybe that way you could learn to fucking behave!
"Jon make me lasaga! Jon get me a pastrami on white!"
Ask as much as you want but i'll smash you with my might.
When I adopted you there was no emotional connection,
All I needed you for was a science class dissection.
Looking back, I wish I didn't back out of that,
Since you turned out to be a boiling pile of scat.
What's wrong Garfield, you're looking pretty peeved,
You're just mad that I'm killing you, with all that I've achieved.
You're getting destroyed, I can see the debris,
You've got to choose, keep your life or pay homage to me

that's enough fuckers, odie's in the house
you just can't shake me off, cause i'm stickin like a louse
i'm the mutt, with the gut, through your heart and soul i'll cut
wouldn't call myself a slut, but i'll fuck you in the butt!
Look at you, back to me, now just tell me what you see
There's two dorks who run their mouths, and a canine on your knee
Everybody think's im dumb, but i'm plotting a rerun
of the second world war inside my head, it's almost done
soon enough across the world we'll be having so much fun
from the robot nazi dog across the streets you all will run
I can sense a streak of fear stretching all across your face
I'll take all of the lasaga for the aryan race
bustin rhymes, all the time, like it's 1945
mussolini better watch out for my dictator jive
I've had enough from you jon, and your fat cat's style is grody
so bow wow down to me, grandmaster dog odie!

Jon: What the fuck, both of my pets are literal hellspawn