Origins (Part I)

I have resolved to tell some of my story. You will have to bear with me as my memory, already extremely poor, has only gotten worse via the mental destruction that has occurred since 2017.

I've had crippling anxiety my whole life, mostly social, but also general. It's important to note because I had not only a lot of trouble making friends, but also a ton of trouble with school work as life got harder in my teenage years. Being unable to easily communicate with anyone but my family and closest friends (who I was lucky to have). Girls - impossible, which was terrible because I had (and still do) a strong feminine side. Had I not been afflicted with anxiety, I may have appeared a lot like a gay guy but without actually being gay. I was very straight on top of that, so not being able to communicate with females and have an average teenage life was a large source of my suffering over the years. There was one kid in school who makes me think of who I probably would have been without the anxiety, he was a hybrid nerd-jock guy, and also I think a green Jew like me, but he didn't have an explicit feminine side that he ever showed.

I was put here with something of a duel, someone who covers my weaknesses in terms of my mental acuity, in my cousin. We were extremely close over the years, and still are, but when we were young he could be extremely abusive. He was known to be an asshole to be pretty much everybody and I must say, his assholery was probably as uniquely extreme as my anxiety. Anyway, he has calmed down a lot over the years since he has gotten a family, which is good. If I am put in charge of anything, he will be with me pretty much anywhere that I go, because he the practical intelligence that I do not have.

So to really get started with this story, I was born in Arlington, TX but moved to Knoxville, TN just 3 months after birth where I quickly obtained a step dad (RIP, I couldn't save him). From the beginning, I was being watched by at least 3 factions, 2 who thought they were recruiting me (Good and Evil), and the 1 who apparently actually sent me (the Machines, to reinforce against Star Control). I can't say if the Nordics on JoyofSatan.com are real, but they would have been watching too, if they are. I attended Karns Elementary School, then in the 3rd Grade we moved to the Carter Community, which was far more rural. 3rd Grade was kinda bad cause the school was now extremely small and extremely old and I had not met who would become my friend circle yet. It was the power of Pokemon that allowed me to pierce through my anxiety veil and obtain my new friends at Carter. Once our friendship was established, I was always pretty comfortable around them, but if things got too far outside of that close circle and especially if any girls were involved I would clam up. Occasionally, over the years, people would see parts of the real me. I would have been something like Jake Fine crossed with Jarred Murray, I would have been impossible to handle but extremely outgoing and fun. Worse yet, I was tall enough to be an athlete, even a High School quarterback.

There are only a few notable events to happen during my Grade school years.

One was the year I came in second in a cross-state 400+ student math contest. This was in middle school and I did it from the lower class (the AP kids were there too). I actually tied with a girl from my school who was in the AP classes, so we represented ourselves very well. This was in middle school and we were just beginning to be introduced to Algebra (my forte). My mother was also good at Algebra. In middle school was when the stress of the fact that I would probably never have a girlfriend started to set in and when High School rolled around and the geometric shapes started to be introduced to math I not only lost some interest, but the stress I was under was just too high to perform mathematically anymore.

In college, I discovered my true love, which is Organic Chemistry. I showed some adequate talent early on, but the stress of life defeated me when it came to Organic Chemistry II. Shit was so bad at this point, I was dealing with bad sleep apnea and I was being introduced to the aliens are demons thing to prepare me for JoyofSatan.com and my anxiety was to the point that I had to drop out of school.

Organic Chemistry will be the field I focus on first when we get things going here. I sort of fell out of love with math, but I will see what I can do there eventually. I'm not sure if my brilliance will apply to STEM, we will have to see.

This is when things started to look up because I found JoyofSatan.org. We will cover this period in part II.