The Argument (2020) EN

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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org

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So, he flirts with you all the time
during these late-night rehearsals?

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No.

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You said he just loves to flirt,
that he's a dog.

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How is that my fault?

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Oh, so he does.

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No, he doesn't.

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Ah, so he flirts with every single
pretty girl in the world except for you.

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Have I ever given you any reason
to believe I would be unfaithful?

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No.

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Then don't you think I deserve
just a little bit of trust here?

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I wish you were never
in that stupid show.

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Oh, now you're attacking
the play.

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I'm not attacking anything.

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Jack, stop.

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We have been together
for three years

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and I hope to be together
forever and ever and ever and...

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- You do?
- Yes, I do.

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I do, too.

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Okay.

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Then, can we stop?

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Because I don't want to argue.

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I don't want to argue either, honey,
as long as you can admit that I'm right.

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<i>Dear Brett, as you probably
know, tonight's performance of Wolfgang,</i>

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<i>in which my amazingly talented girlfriend Lisa
performs the role of Mozart's wife Constanze,</i>

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<i>will be the final time the
curtain rises on this great play.</i>

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<i>Let us celebrate this occasion.</i>

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<i>Why don't you and Sarah join me
at the theater at 8:00</i>

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<i>and then come over to our place
for drinks after?</i>

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<i>Not only can we toast Lisa in her
biggest professional acting role to date,</i>

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<i>but also,
and I confess this to you only,</i>

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<i>you will be witness to quite
a momentous surprise as well.</i>

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<i>Looking forward
to seeing you guys.</i>

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<i>Your friend, Jack.</i>

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Lisa.

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Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

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I want to thank you all for...

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Thanks, guys, for coming out
tonight, Sarah, Brett.

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Ah.

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Lisa.

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Okay. Lisa...

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for the past three years
that I've known you,

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you're always positive,
looking toward the future.

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So, Lisa, honey.

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- Okay, that's okay.
- Wasn't it great?

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So great, amazing.

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I'm so glad you guys came.

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Okay, we're hugging. Okay.

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Yeah, we wanted to come earlier in the run.
You just get so busy.

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But aren't you glad you came though?
Wasn't Lisa amazing?

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- Lisa was so great.
- Right?

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Amazing. Right, Sarah?

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So great.

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Hmm.

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Mm?

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Coats?

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No.

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- Okay.
- Ah, new sofa.

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You know, uh, that's Lisa's.

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I'm gonna get rid of all this old
stuff once we get that next new payday.

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It should be any day now,
right, Brett?

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Okay.

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Drinks.

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- Hmm.
- Jack.

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Go ahead and pop her open,
it's a special occasion.

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Mm-Hm.

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- Woo!
- Mm-hm.

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- Sarah, you want some?
- Mm.

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I would kill someone
for a gin and tonic.

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I do not have any gin right now, but I do have
white wine, I did not have a chance to chill it.

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- Terrific.
- Mm.

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And boom.

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That play is long, isn't it?

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Honey.

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Yeah, no, she's right, it's
definitely on the longish side.

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It's just that,
it's past my bedtime

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and I have some contract
negotiations in the morning.

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So, we should probably
just head out.

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- Well, it means a lot to Lisa that you made it out
- Where's your bathroom?

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It's right around
the corner there.

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Ugh.

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Where is Lisa?

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Oh, uh, she's getting changed.

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- Oh, she wants to make a grand entrance.
- Yes, she is an actress.

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Oh...

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- Anyway, cheers.
- Cheers.

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Ooh!.

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Mm-Hm.

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- Brett, I don't want to put you on the spot again...
- Yeah.

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Um, but you know, this was Lisa's,
like, first real acting gig.

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Right.

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Yeah, it's not like
some student film.

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- Right.
- It's not an infomercial.

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- Right.
- Yeah, it's like a real acting work, which she loves.

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Well, I mean,
you were right, she was great.

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Yeah, but she was telling me
on the way home, she's like,

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"Man, I am never gonna get
another decent part again."

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- No.
- Yeah.

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She's like, "I'm gonna be
bikini girl at the pool."

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No.

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Yeah. "I'm gonna be a friend
killed by machete at the lake."

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No.

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She'll keep it going.

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- So great.
- Yeah.

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- Yeah.
- But she still doesn't have an agent.

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Jack, I'm strictly literary.
You know that, I don't handle actors.

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I handle writers.

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Uh, I handle great writers.

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Thank you.

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You know, I'm not comfortable
with the term genius.

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Anyway, so maybe you could, uh,
I don't know, at some point tonight,

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sit down with Lisa, talk to her,
maybe set up some meetings down the line.

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- Yeah, absolutely.
- Yeah.

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Of course, this is a really tough
time in the industry right now.

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- I'm just gonna...
- Yeah.

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Ah.

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- Am I at the right place?
- Paul?

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- Hey, it's Brett.
- Hey.

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Of course, man.

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We met at the thing, remember?

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At the play.

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No, at the premiere
for Jack's movie.

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- Right.
- Yeah, it doesn't matter.

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This is Sarah.

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Sarah, so good to see you again.

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We don't know each other.

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Hi, I'm Trina.

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Oh, yeah, my bad.

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Yeah,
this is my girlfriend Trina.

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Trina this is...

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- Brett.
- Brett.

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Hi, I'm Trina.

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- And, uh, this is...
- Sarah.

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- This is Sarah.
- Hi, I'm Trina.

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- Hi.
- Hello.

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- You have a lovely home.
- I do not live here.

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Oh!

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Mm. I need another one.
Anybody else?

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Sorry, guys,
I didn't realize I had to...

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Paul.

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- Jack.
- Hi, I'm Trina.

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Oh, God!

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I'm Jack.
And can I get you a drink?

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- I... I'm not a huge...
- She's gotta try the bourbon. You gotta try it.

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Here you go.

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Whoa!

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Hey.

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Hey.

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Hello, everyone.

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Hey!

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Oh. Thank you all
so much for coming.

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Brett, Sarah, hi.

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- Paul.
- Lis.

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My Mozart.

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Oh, my Mozart.

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God!

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Right, I almost forgot.
Uh, this is my friend Trina.

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Oh, hi.

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It is so nice to meet you.

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- Lisa, darling, can I see you in my office, please?
- Yeah.

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Okay.

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You didn't mention
Paul was coming.

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- Sure, I did.
- No, you didn't.

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Jack, I definitely mentioned
I invited Paul.

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Lisa, I definitely would have
remembered if you had.

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Okay.

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Why is this a big deal?

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It's not.

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Well, it...
It certainly seems like it is.

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Well, it's not.

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And you hadn't mentioned it,
and now our guests and Paul are waiting.

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It's only about 12
to 14 miles per gallon

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and I'm like,
"I don't care. I'll take it."

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You're Paul's wife,
in the play thingy.

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- I didn't recognize you without all the big poofy hair.
- Oh!

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You were so good.

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Thank you, thank you.

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I love that part where you and Paul are sort
of fooling around in the palace or whatever,

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and you're acting
like you're a little lamb.

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Oh, yeah.

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- Baa.
- That's right.

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Awoo!

183
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I don't know.

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Baa.

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Baa.

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Awoo!

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Baa.

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appear,
a little lamby-bamby, pamby.

189
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No!

190
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I'm going to rush-crush.

191
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I'm going to gnaw-saw.

192
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I'm going to rip you into pieces
with my fang-bangs. Ah-ha!

193
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Fang-bangs. Fang-bangs.
Fang-bangs.

194
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Awoo! I descend like moonlight
unto thy pale bosom.

195
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That this could be the great Mozart
made the sting all the worse.

196
00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:53,904
Wow, that's Salieri's line,
how do you know that?

197
00:10:53,937 --> 00:10:58,876
- B-b-b-b-b-b...
- Because, unfortunately, I have a photographic memory.

198
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That's right.

199
00:11:00,611 --> 00:11:02,046
Imagine having an argument
with her.

200
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,282
I felt bad for that Salieri guy.

201
00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:09,119
- He tries so hard, you know, he just doesn't have it.
- Yeah.

202
00:11:09,153 --> 00:11:12,389
Mozart acts like that
and just craps out perfection.

203
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:16,060
Well, how could Salieri
not be jealous of Mozart?

204
00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:19,997
Oh, my little lamb,
my Constanze-banze, you're shaking.

205
00:11:20,030 --> 00:11:23,033
You're scared.
You're terrified of young Wolfie, huh?

206
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:25,202
You're going to stain
your little white wool brown.

207
00:11:26,303 --> 00:11:28,005
I'm just gonna...

208
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:32,910
Ha. Fuck!

209
00:11:39,383 --> 00:11:41,218
- How's that drink?
- It's amazing.

210
00:11:41,251 --> 00:11:42,986
- So good, right?
- So good.

211
00:11:43,987 --> 00:11:46,357
- Here comes the charcuterie train.
- How are you?

212
00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:51,228
Charcuterie, charcuterie,
charcuterie, charcuterie.

213
00:11:53,263 --> 00:11:54,365
Anybody hungry?

214
00:11:54,398 --> 00:11:55,332
Who eats this late?

215
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:56,266
Thank you.

216
00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,902
- What did you make?
- Just a little something.

217
00:11:58,936 --> 00:11:59,838
Oh, my God.

218
00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:02,106
- Looks good, Jack.
- No one? Paul?

219
00:12:02,940 --> 00:12:04,108
Yeah, I can't eat that.

220
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,643
- Why the hell not?
- It looks great, it really does.

221
00:12:06,678 --> 00:12:10,647
I just... I gotta watch
my fat intake right now.

222
00:12:10,682 --> 00:12:12,282
I'm shooting this Reebok
CrossFit commercial in a month.

223
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:13,250
You booked that?

224
00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:15,119
I did, yeah,
it's gonna be national.

225
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:16,053
- Paul, that's amazing.
- Thank you.

226
00:12:16,086 --> 00:12:18,656
So, gotta keep track
of my abs, you know.

227
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:21,024
Oh, come on, like you need
to worry about that.

228
00:12:21,058 --> 00:12:24,061
Well, I'm like practically vegan at this
point, so that whole plate is an issue.

229
00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:25,129
Mm-hm.

230
00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:26,463
CrossFit and vegan.

231
00:12:26,497 --> 00:12:29,433
Do you rescue puppies from animal
shelters on your off hours?

232
00:12:29,466 --> 00:12:31,368
Jack!

233
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:32,936
Yes. Oh, I'm joking.

234
00:12:32,970 --> 00:12:34,171
No. Actually, I do.

235
00:12:34,471 --> 00:12:37,040
Right now, I'm fostering
little pit-bull bitches.

236
00:12:37,074 --> 00:12:38,976
Oh!

237
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,344
- Sweet.
- It's cool.

238
00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:44,415
You know, I actually think it
was quite an interesting choice

239
00:12:44,448 --> 00:12:47,284
to make Mozart
an African-American.

240
00:12:47,317 --> 00:12:48,686
- Jack? - Whoa!
- My God!

241
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:49,520
Are you serious?

242
00:12:51,155 --> 00:12:52,055
No.

243
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:53,424
What?

244
00:12:53,457 --> 00:12:56,026
Come... What? No.

245
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:58,462
No. I'm just considering.

246
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:04,201
No, I was just considering the fact
that Mozart, the original Mozart,

247
00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:07,471
was indeed,
as you know, not black.

248
00:13:08,172 --> 00:13:09,273
Oh, fuck?

249
00:13:09,306 --> 00:13:12,342
Wow. I didn't know race
was such an issue for you, Jack.

250
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:15,345
It isn't. It's not an issue,
I love black Mozart.

251
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:17,347
It's the greatest fucking idea
I've ever heard in my life.

252
00:13:18,482 --> 00:13:22,286
Well, it is an amazing point,
right?

253
00:13:22,319 --> 00:13:23,987
And we can... We can say that.

254
00:13:24,021 --> 00:13:26,290
I mean, all of Shipley's
plays actually, right.

255
00:13:26,323 --> 00:13:31,462
I mean, Wolfgang,
The Equestrian, so many of them.

256
00:13:31,495 --> 00:13:34,031
It's just... I mean...
And Broadway and Hollywood,

257
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,366
being able to go back and forth
like that just hit after hit.

258
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,201
God, if I could have
been his agent.

259
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,102
You might have made
a commission.

260
00:13:39,804 --> 00:13:41,505
- Okay, that came out wrong.
- It's fine.

261
00:13:44,107 --> 00:13:46,543
Jack, you're a great writer,
okay.

262
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:52,115
Nope, you're a genius and I know
you're not comfortable with that term.

263
00:13:55,152 --> 00:13:58,355
You know, I'd be comfortable just with
a single payday at this point, man.

264
00:13:58,388 --> 00:14:00,290
I mean, when are we gonna
sell something?

265
00:14:00,324 --> 00:14:01,492
I got how many scripts
out there?

266
00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:04,161
Oh, hey, we will, we will.
You just got to believe that.

267
00:14:04,194 --> 00:14:05,229
I do.

268
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:08,098
And everybody else in this room
believes that too.

269
00:14:09,233 --> 00:14:11,068
What the fuck
are we talking about, Brett?

270
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,503
Wait, so you're a writer?

271
00:14:12,536 --> 00:14:13,437
He's a great writer.

272
00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:14,772
Oh, my God!

273
00:14:14,806 --> 00:14:16,340
What do you write, just plays?

274
00:14:16,373 --> 00:14:18,141
No, he...
He actually, he writes movies.

275
00:14:18,175 --> 00:14:20,511
No, no, no,
he writes great movies.

276
00:14:20,544 --> 00:14:23,180
I have one produced credit
to my name.

277
00:14:23,213 --> 00:14:24,448
Alright, so far.

278
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,216
What was the movie?

279
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:27,451
Oh, God!

280
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:32,289
- The Dead Doth Trot the Hills at Night.
- Oh, my God!

281
00:14:33,156 --> 00:14:36,293
- What?
- You wrote "The Dead Doth Trot the Hills at Night?"

282
00:14:37,427 --> 00:14:39,496
Yes. I mean, yeah.

283
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:42,432
I didn't... The film didn't turn
out exactly how I wanted it to turn.

284
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:43,534
I loved that movie.

285
00:14:44,702 --> 00:14:48,272
- Really?
- See, Jack? You're writing affects people.

286
00:14:49,273 --> 00:14:52,175
I... I love
how the movie... It was...

287
00:14:52,209 --> 00:14:54,444
Well, it was sort of like
a regular type of zombie movie

288
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:58,115
but there was something like
totally different about it, too.

289
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,150
Yeah, yeah, I did.

290
00:15:00,183 --> 00:15:03,620
I tried to subvert a lot of the
common genre tropes, you know,

291
00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:06,858
like, uh, the whole hive mind
convention,

292
00:15:06,891 --> 00:15:14,131
like why can't zombies think and feel for
themselves, you know, as individuals, right?

293
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,366
Totally. I have never laughed
so much in a movie.

294
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,135
What?

295
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,837
Why didn't you tell me
you know the person who wrote

296
00:15:19,871 --> 00:15:21,839
"The Dead Doth Trot the Hills
at Night?"

297
00:15:21,873 --> 00:15:24,441
- Uh... Didn't I?
- No.

298
00:15:24,474 --> 00:15:27,110
As a matter of fact, we're all
kind of connected to Doth Trot.

299
00:15:27,144 --> 00:15:29,346
I signed Jack
because of that script.

300
00:15:29,379 --> 00:15:32,850
And Lisa had a small role in the film,
in an important sequence, a great sequence,

301
00:15:32,884 --> 00:15:35,552
so tense and scary, so visceral,

302
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,621
and still just a touch
melancholy if you think about it,

303
00:15:37,655 --> 00:15:39,222
which is how they met.

304
00:15:39,256 --> 00:15:42,459
And then Sarah here did the
contracts at the studio for foreign sales.

305
00:15:42,492 --> 00:15:46,263
There you go. The movie did
fantastic business overseas.

306
00:15:49,901 --> 00:15:51,201
He did well, right honey?

307
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:55,172
I mean, not in terms
of revenue, no.

308
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:56,440
Sad.

309
00:15:57,541 --> 00:16:00,344
Wait, so you're like, uh,
an entertainment lawyer.

310
00:16:00,644 --> 00:16:03,180
You know, I am like
an entertainment lawyer.

311
00:16:03,715 --> 00:16:06,383
In fact,
I am an entertainment lawyer.

312
00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:09,252
She's underselling you.
She's a shark.

313
00:16:10,487 --> 00:16:11,622
Watch... Watch out.

314
00:16:11,656 --> 00:16:13,156
She's gonna be a partner
in no time.

315
00:16:13,190 --> 00:16:14,524
- Ooh!
- It's just a job.

316
00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,627
I don't even like movies.

317
00:16:16,661 --> 00:16:19,296
She doesn't like movies?

318
00:16:19,329 --> 00:16:21,632
- You loved "The Dead Doth Trot the Hills at Night."
- I never saw it.

319
00:16:21,666 --> 00:16:22,700
She saw it.

320
00:16:23,768 --> 00:16:27,504
- But I'm sure it's awesome.
- Mm-Hm. See?

321
00:16:27,537 --> 00:16:30,507
Hey! Oh, shit, honey.
I'm so sorry.

322
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:34,645
This is Lisa's night.
We're not here to talk about Doth Trot.

323
00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:36,546
We're here to talk
about Lisa, right, Brett?

324
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,416
Oh, right, absolutely,
absolutely.

325
00:16:39,449 --> 00:16:41,919
Lisa, I just want to say,
I mean...

326
00:16:41,953 --> 00:16:43,620
I mean, Sarah and I,

327
00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:49,393
we both wanted to say that we really enjoyed
your performance tonight, right, Sarah?

328
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,262
- Yes.
- Oh, wow.

329
00:16:52,295 --> 00:16:55,532
Well, you know, it's not...
It's not me up there on that stage.

330
00:16:55,565 --> 00:16:58,602
You know, I am...
I am merely a vessel.

331
00:16:58,635 --> 00:17:03,273
Oh, I love this song.
I love this song.

332
00:17:03,306 --> 00:17:05,743
Okay.

333
00:17:05,777 --> 00:17:08,211
Um... No, really.

334
00:17:08,245 --> 00:17:10,948
Uh, when we were there,
at one point in the show,

335
00:17:10,982 --> 00:17:13,517
Sarah and I, we both looked up
on the stage

336
00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:20,557
and we were like, "Is that Lisa
up there on the stage?"

337
00:17:21,391 --> 00:17:22,325
We did?

338
00:17:24,829 --> 00:17:29,000
Sure was 'cause, um, I was up on
that stage just trying to, you know,

339
00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:32,770
hold my own against
much better actors.

340
00:17:32,804 --> 00:17:36,674
- You outclassed everyone else on that stage.
- Oh, you stop it.

341
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:38,176
Babe, can you, uh...

342
00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:41,679
Brett, weren't you going to, uh,
set up a couple agent meetings for Lisa?

343
00:17:41,713 --> 00:17:43,513
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

344
00:17:43,547 --> 00:17:44,982
- Well, I'm just a literary agent.
- Yeah. Could you?

345
00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:45,983
- Could you do that?
- I mean...

346
00:17:46,017 --> 00:17:46,951
- Babe.
- Well...

347
00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:49,619
No, I know, and you know what,
if it's, um,

348
00:17:49,654 --> 00:17:52,322
if it's weird at all like you
don't have to worry about...

349
00:17:52,355 --> 00:17:53,124
Lis, why don't I hook you up
with my commercial agent?

350
00:17:53,157 --> 00:17:54,424
We can get drinks,
I'll set it up.

351
00:17:54,458 --> 00:17:55,993
- Hey, Trina.
- No.

352
00:17:56,027 --> 00:17:57,695
Brett, Brett is the man.

353
00:17:57,729 --> 00:18:00,031
Brett is the man with the plan,
right, Bretty boy?

354
00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:03,801
Okay, now that that's settled, good night.

355
00:18:03,835 --> 00:18:07,805
Okay. No, no, no, wait.
Wait, let's have drinks, it's Lisa's night.

356
00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:09,006
Lisa.

357
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,409
Honey, it's okay
'cause, look, they're tired.

358
00:18:12,442 --> 00:18:14,045
- No, we're gonna have one more drink.
- Oh!

359
00:18:14,078 --> 00:18:15,579
- Because it's Lisa's night.
- I wouldn't mind another drink.

360
00:18:15,612 --> 00:18:16,781
It's not.

361
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:21,686
Thank you all for coming tonight

362
00:18:22,419 --> 00:18:29,392
uh, and for staying and for
celebrating this wonderful occasion.

363
00:18:29,761 --> 00:18:33,497
For the three years
that I have known Lisa,

364
00:18:34,331 --> 00:18:41,072
I have seen her suffer in every
possible way for her art.

365
00:18:42,707 --> 00:18:48,411
But, uh, no matter how hard it got,
no matter how rough or tough or stumbly,

366
00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:51,481
she never quit, just always
looking toward the future.

367
00:18:52,616 --> 00:18:54,551
So, uh, Lisa.

368
00:18:54,584 --> 00:18:55,552
- To Lisa.
- Paul?

369
00:18:55,585 --> 00:18:57,655
Seriously, Lis,
you killed that, okay.

370
00:18:57,688 --> 00:19:00,091
I've seen maybe like half a
dozen performances of Wolfgang

371
00:19:00,124 --> 00:19:02,526
- and you are the best Constanze I have ever seen.
- Oh.

372
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,361
- Right, Brett?
- It's alright.

373
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,629
- To Lisa.
- To Lisa.

374
00:19:05,663 --> 00:19:07,397
- Lisa.
- To Lisa.

375
00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:08,699
To Lisa.

376
00:19:08,733 --> 00:19:13,070
How about to Mozart?
The star of our play.

377
00:19:13,104 --> 00:19:15,639
- To Paul.
- Well, yeah, to Paul.

378
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:17,307
To Paul.

379
00:19:17,842 --> 00:19:18,743
To Paul.

380
00:19:20,878 --> 00:19:22,379
And to Lisa.

381
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,782
- You already did Lisa.
- Right.

382
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:29,086
- You know, how did you two meet?
- Equinox.

383
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,254
That place is pricey.

384
00:19:30,288 --> 00:19:32,657
- Well, I'm a trainer there, so...
- Of course, you are.

385
00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,926
- Jack.
- So, um, are you a trainer there, too?

386
00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:38,830
Please, I have to force myself
to work out.

387
00:19:38,863 --> 00:19:45,502
But when Paul first started there as a
trainer, I was like, "Oh, my God," you know.

388
00:19:45,535 --> 00:19:47,337
Yeah.

389
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:52,910
Right away, I signed up for all his classes,
uh, boot camp, ab blasters, curls for girls.

390
00:19:52,944 --> 00:19:57,614
Yeah, anything he taught, I was right there,
front row, just sweating my tits off.

391
00:19:57,647 --> 00:19:58,850
- My favorite.
- Sounds romantic.

392
00:19:58,883 --> 00:20:00,885
Well, it sounds romantic now

393
00:20:00,918 --> 00:20:05,622
but at the time, I was so depressed,
like, he's never gonna notice me.

394
00:20:06,489 --> 00:20:08,860
And then the whole thing
was like a dream, you know.

395
00:20:08,893 --> 00:20:14,131
He, like, drifted over
and he leaned in and he said,

396
00:20:14,165 --> 00:20:18,635
"It really looks like you're getting
your body fat index under control."

397
00:20:19,670 --> 00:20:22,740
Positive reinforcement,
it's very important.

398
00:20:22,773 --> 00:20:24,141
I wanted to cry.

399
00:20:24,175 --> 00:20:25,676
Me too.

400
00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:28,713
Mm-Hm, what is this stuff?
It's so good.

401
00:20:28,746 --> 00:20:30,781
It's so good, right, amazing.
So good, right, right?

402
00:20:30,815 --> 00:20:31,816
Amazing.

403
00:20:31,849 --> 00:20:34,785
Lisa, I have a confession
to make.

404
00:20:34,819 --> 00:20:36,486
- Trina...
- No, no, no, no.

405
00:20:36,519 --> 00:20:37,520
Shh.

406
00:20:37,554 --> 00:20:41,859
We haven't met yet,
but for the longest time,

407
00:20:41,893 --> 00:20:44,795
me and you,
we were mortal enemies.

408
00:20:45,963 --> 00:20:48,498
Uh, why?

409
00:20:48,531 --> 00:20:50,567
- It's because of the play.
- The play thingy.

410
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,770
Brought Trina to a dress
rehearsal one time,

411
00:20:52,803 --> 00:20:54,537
- she saw us kissing onstage and now this is
- That's just acting.

412
00:20:54,571 --> 00:20:57,174
- The kissing isn't real.
- Ugh, I hated the kissing.

413
00:20:59,977 --> 00:21:04,882
But then I would grill Paul like, "Wait,
like, kissing her better than me?"

414
00:21:04,916 --> 00:21:07,652
- Like, "What's the deal?"
- Who wants another? Brett?

415
00:21:07,685 --> 00:21:09,186
- Yes.
- Yeah, please.

416
00:21:09,220 --> 00:21:10,955
You guys, you've been friends
for like a decade.

417
00:21:10,988 --> 00:21:13,190
You've been through
all the same acting classes

418
00:21:13,224 --> 00:21:16,894
and all the ups and downs of being an...
An actor but, um...

419
00:21:16,928 --> 00:21:19,897
But still, I... I...
I knew Paul.

420
00:21:20,765 --> 00:21:26,636
I knew how he flirted, you know,
just made me crazy, you know.

421
00:21:29,506 --> 00:21:30,540
Kill you.

422
00:21:31,909 --> 00:21:35,445
Okay, you are right
about one thing.

423
00:21:36,013 --> 00:21:37,547
What's that?

424
00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:40,851
Paul is a terrible flirt.

425
00:21:42,019 --> 00:21:43,921
Okay. So, I'm a flirt.

426
00:21:43,955 --> 00:21:46,589
- I mean, you can't turn it off.
- I'm horrible.

427
00:21:46,623 --> 00:21:47,457
You're a dog.

428
00:21:47,490 --> 00:21:49,827
Strike me down, I am your dog.

429
00:21:49,860 --> 00:21:52,595
Strike me down, Constanze-banza.

430
00:21:52,629 --> 00:21:55,632
- Constanze-banza-ranza-danza.
- No.

431
00:21:55,666 --> 00:21:58,568
Well-deserved.
I know what please you as well.

432
00:21:58,601 --> 00:22:00,004
- No.
- Oh-oh.

433
00:22:00,037 --> 00:22:02,740
Beat me, punish me,
abuse me for your pleasure.

434
00:22:02,773 --> 00:22:05,009
Stop it, Wolfie.

435
00:22:05,042 --> 00:22:08,813
Bend and be spanked pink
wherein thou art already pink.

436
00:22:08,846 --> 00:22:11,614
Enough! Okay, that's disgusting.

437
00:22:11,648 --> 00:22:14,551
That's a disgusting
and vulgar scene and I hate it.

438
00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,687
It's the worst scene
in the entire play.

439
00:22:16,721 --> 00:22:17,855
- Jack.
- Yes, darling?

440
00:22:18,656 --> 00:22:19,991
You're being rude.

441
00:22:20,024 --> 00:22:23,794
Am I? I think I was just making
an observation about your scene.

442
00:22:23,828 --> 00:22:25,062
Jack.
Take it easy, take it easy.

443
00:22:25,096 --> 00:22:27,798
Let me, uh...
Let me top you off.

444
00:22:27,832 --> 00:22:30,633
Brett, I literally have to be up
in four hours, we're leaving.

445
00:22:31,769 --> 00:22:32,737
You are right.

446
00:22:32,770 --> 00:22:34,839
Hey, it's been great,
we really enjoyed it.

447
00:22:34,872 --> 00:22:37,640
Play was amazing.
Lisa, you were so good. Yeah.

448
00:22:38,075 --> 00:22:45,282
You know, funny thing about
the play, it's not about Mozart.

449
00:22:45,316 --> 00:22:47,918
Who do we care about?

450
00:22:47,952 --> 00:22:49,820
Who drives the action?

451
00:22:50,988 --> 00:22:52,589
Salieri.

452
00:22:53,824 --> 00:22:55,592
The play's about Salieri.

453
00:22:57,228 --> 00:23:01,932
The man who wants so badly to be a
genius that he offers up his soul to God

454
00:23:02,333 --> 00:23:05,635
and that's all he cares about,
that's his whole life.

455
00:23:05,669 --> 00:23:07,637
But no matter how much
he sacrifices,

456
00:23:07,671 --> 00:23:12,642
he just doesn't have the talent,
no matter how hard he tries.

457
00:23:12,676 --> 00:23:14,812
Salieri will never be Mozart.

458
00:23:18,182 --> 00:23:23,320
Well, Jack is not really
comfortable with the term genius.

459
00:23:24,621 --> 00:23:25,990
That's not funny!

460
00:23:33,831 --> 00:23:35,565
Oh!

461
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:37,902
I'm just gonna...

462
00:23:44,641 --> 00:23:46,177
- Right.
- Alright.

463
00:23:46,911 --> 00:23:48,012
Drive safe. Drive safe.

464
00:23:48,045 --> 00:23:51,015
- I made a pie.
- Yeah, I definitely can't eat that.

465
00:23:51,048 --> 00:23:52,649
Of course, not.

466
00:24:05,863 --> 00:24:11,001
You know, historically,
pie throwing is met with laughter.

467
00:24:11,035 --> 00:24:16,140
Honey, that was hilarious.

468
00:24:16,173 --> 00:24:19,176
You embarrassed me
and you yelled at me.

469
00:24:19,210 --> 00:24:21,045
Wait, when did I yell at you?

470
00:24:21,912 --> 00:24:26,050
You practically screamed at me,
"That's not funny!"

471
00:24:26,083 --> 00:24:27,818
Well, you were mocking me.

472
00:24:27,852 --> 00:24:28,919
I was not.

473
00:24:28,953 --> 00:24:32,123
"He's not really comfortable
with the term genius."

474
00:24:32,156 --> 00:24:35,092
You... You... You say that.
You say that all the time.

475
00:24:35,126 --> 00:24:37,895
I say it as a joke, honey,
you said it as an insult.

476
00:24:37,928 --> 00:24:39,163
No, I didn't.

477
00:24:39,196 --> 00:24:41,732
Ask anyone who was here tonight.

478
00:24:41,765 --> 00:24:43,701
Fine, I'm gonna call Brett
right now.

479
00:24:43,734 --> 00:24:46,837
Well, your friend is just gonna go
along with anything that you say.

480
00:24:46,871 --> 00:24:49,140
Well, why don't we call
your friend Paul?

481
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,142
Oh, my God!

482
00:24:51,175 --> 00:24:52,943
Ask whoever you want.

483
00:24:52,977 --> 00:24:54,745
This is bullshit.

484
00:24:55,112 --> 00:24:57,114
It's not bullshit.

485
00:24:58,048 --> 00:24:59,950
It's about how you see me.

486
00:24:59,984 --> 00:25:01,719
It's about what you think of me.

487
00:25:02,186 --> 00:25:03,287
Goddammit.

488
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,789
This whole night is like
a frickin' afterthought to you.

489
00:25:06,724 --> 00:25:10,694
Oh, the night we're celebrating my
play wasn't centered enough around you.

490
00:25:11,061 --> 00:25:12,963
- You know, that's not what I meant.
- Do I?

491
00:25:13,464 --> 00:25:14,665
I think you do.

492
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,103
I just wish we could redo this whole night,
so that you could see how wrong you are.

493
00:25:19,770 --> 00:25:23,207
Yeah, I wish we can redo the whole
night, so we can see how wrong you are.

494
00:25:39,290 --> 00:25:44,828
<i>Dear Brett, Sarah, Paul
and Trina, I'm so embarrassed.</i>

495
00:25:44,862 --> 00:25:47,798
<i>I feel terrible
about how I acted last night.</i>

496
00:25:47,831 --> 00:25:51,035
<i>I can only imagine what you all
must think of me right now.</i>

497
00:25:51,068 --> 00:25:55,072
<i>Anyway, Lisa and I talked about it and
we want to have you all back right away</i>

498
00:25:55,105 --> 00:25:59,777
<i>so that I can apologize
in person, as in tonight.</i>

499
00:26:00,144 --> 00:26:01,879
<i>I know you all lead busy lives</i>

500
00:26:01,912 --> 00:26:06,483
<i>but it's very important to Lisa and I that
we get a chance to do this night over again.</i>

501
00:26:06,517 --> 00:26:08,886
<i>Please come over, please.</i>

502
00:26:08,919 --> 00:26:10,487
<i>It's really important.</i>

503
00:26:10,521 --> 00:26:13,090
<i>If you don't agree
to come over right away,</i>

504
00:26:13,123 --> 00:26:17,494
<i>I think that this unpleasant memory
will have a catastrophic effect.</i>

505
00:26:17,528 --> 00:26:18,963
<i>Thank you in advance.</i>

506
00:26:18,996 --> 00:26:21,031
<i>Your friend, Jack.</i>

507
00:26:21,065 --> 00:26:24,268
You're always looking toward
the future, Lisa.

508
00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:26,904
Lisa...

509
00:26:27,905 --> 00:26:29,273
Real great.

510
00:26:31,842 --> 00:26:33,077
Wasn't it great?

511
00:26:33,811 --> 00:26:34,812
Can't get enough of us?

512
00:26:35,913 --> 00:26:38,249
- Sarah.
- No, no. Oh, God! We're hugging again.

513
00:26:38,282 --> 00:26:39,783
- Okay.
- So glad.

514
00:26:39,817 --> 00:26:41,852
- What?
- Hey, that you guys made it, man.

515
00:26:42,353 --> 00:26:44,121
- Aren't you glad you saw it?
- Wolfgang?

516
00:26:44,154 --> 00:26:46,056
It's amazing, right?

517
00:26:46,090 --> 00:26:47,558
And wasn't Lisa amazing?

518
00:26:47,591 --> 00:26:49,026
Uh, yes, she was.

519
00:26:49,059 --> 00:26:52,162
So amazing. Right, Sarah?
So amazing.

520
00:26:53,831 --> 00:26:54,365
Hey.

521
00:26:55,933 --> 00:26:57,801
Good.

522
00:26:57,835 --> 00:26:59,136
You got another one, Jack?

523
00:26:59,169 --> 00:27:01,805
Sarah, darling,
you want some bourbon?

524
00:27:02,172 --> 00:27:03,307
Gin and tonic.

525
00:27:03,340 --> 00:27:05,876
I'm so stupid, gin and tonic.

526
00:27:05,909 --> 00:27:09,913
I don't think we have any but I got
your favorite, room-temperature wine.

527
00:27:10,914 --> 00:27:12,783
And it means a lot to Lisa
that you came.

528
00:27:14,184 --> 00:27:15,052
Mm-Hm.

529
00:27:17,321 --> 00:27:18,889
- Bathroom.
- What?

530
00:27:18,922 --> 00:27:20,190
- Gotta pee?
- No.

531
00:27:21,191 --> 00:27:22,559
It's weird.

532
00:27:22,593 --> 00:27:23,460
Where is Lisa?

533
00:27:23,494 --> 00:27:27,965
She's getting dressed,
changed, dressed.

534
00:27:27,998 --> 00:27:28,966
Wants to make an entrance.

535
00:27:28,999 --> 00:27:32,202
Exactly, because she is
an actress after all.

536
00:27:34,872 --> 00:27:36,807
Oh. Cheers.

537
00:27:37,875 --> 00:27:39,076
- Yeah.
- Mm-Hm.

538
00:27:41,278 --> 00:27:42,413
Ahh.

539
00:27:47,084 --> 00:27:54,124
Brett, I hate to bring it up again, but, as you
know, this is Lisa's first real acting job.

540
00:27:54,158 --> 00:27:55,292
Yeah, we talked about this.

541
00:27:55,326 --> 00:27:58,095
It's not some infomercial.
It's not some student film.

542
00:27:58,128 --> 00:28:01,065
Jack, give me a break, alright, we talked
about this, what, like 24 hours ago?

543
00:28:01,098 --> 00:28:03,067
- I'll make the calls. I promise.
- No, no, I know, I know, yeah, I get it.

544
00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:06,036
You're strictly a lit agent
and you represent great writers

545
00:28:06,070 --> 00:28:08,605
and I'm not comfortable
with the term genius.

546
00:28:08,639 --> 00:28:09,606
Uh...

547
00:28:14,378 --> 00:28:15,646
I'm just gonna...

548
00:28:17,648 --> 00:28:18,415
What's happening?

549
00:28:31,929 --> 00:28:33,230
Would you get that?

550
00:28:34,331 --> 00:28:35,265
Hey, Paul.

551
00:28:35,299 --> 00:28:37,434
How you doing? Sarah.

552
00:28:40,070 --> 00:28:42,106
Hi, Trina.

553
00:28:43,140 --> 00:28:44,908
Well, baby, come on.

554
00:28:45,409 --> 00:28:46,410
You'll be all right.

555
00:28:46,443 --> 00:28:48,979
You got it? Okay.

556
00:28:49,012 --> 00:28:50,013
Oh, not again.

557
00:28:52,383 --> 00:28:54,017
It's nice to see you again.

558
00:28:54,051 --> 00:28:57,054
Sorry about that, guys,
I just had to... Wait a minute.

559
00:28:57,087 --> 00:29:01,358
Paul, it's so unexpectedly
wonderful to see you here.

560
00:29:02,226 --> 00:29:04,928
And Trina,
I'm so glad that you made it.

561
00:29:04,962 --> 00:29:07,197
- Mm. It's nice to see you again.
- Jack.

562
00:29:07,231 --> 00:29:08,932
Mm. What can I get you to drink?

563
00:29:08,966 --> 00:29:09,933
Nothing.

564
00:29:09,967 --> 00:29:11,235
Really? You can have anything.

565
00:29:11,268 --> 00:29:13,036
Not true. There's no gin.

566
00:29:13,070 --> 00:29:14,905
You're right, there's no gin.

567
00:29:16,173 --> 00:29:19,143
But perhaps Brett can pour Trina
some bourbon.

568
00:29:19,176 --> 00:29:21,912
- Alright.
- I will literally barf on this floor.

569
00:29:23,715 --> 00:29:26,116
Hey!

570
00:29:26,150 --> 00:29:28,018
Hello, everyone.

571
00:29:28,051 --> 00:29:29,987
Brett, hello.

572
00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:31,221
Sarah, hi.

573
00:29:31,255 --> 00:29:32,289
- Paul.
- Lisa.

574
00:29:32,322 --> 00:29:33,490
- Get over here, Paul.
- Oh.

575
00:29:36,026 --> 00:29:37,995
Spin me.

576
00:29:38,028 --> 00:29:39,163
Okay.

577
00:29:39,196 --> 00:29:40,998
Again.

578
00:29:41,031 --> 00:29:42,166
Oh, okay.

579
00:29:44,736 --> 00:29:47,304
Big hug!

580
00:29:47,337 --> 00:29:48,172
- Honey.
- Yeah?

581
00:29:48,205 --> 00:29:49,339
Can I see you in my office,
please?

582
00:29:49,373 --> 00:29:50,307
- Sure.
- Wonderful.

583
00:29:50,340 --> 00:29:53,177
Strange you didn't mention Paul
was coming.

584
00:29:53,210 --> 00:29:55,045
I specifically remember
doing that.

585
00:29:55,078 --> 00:29:56,447
Ugh. It's not what you said.

586
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,315
Okay, well, that's not what
you said either.

587
00:29:58,348 --> 00:30:00,350
Well, what did I say exactly?

588
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:08,358
You remember last night when, uh, Trina forgot
that you were Constanze in the play thingy?

589
00:30:08,392 --> 00:30:11,528
I do.
Not without my big poofy hair.

590
00:30:11,562 --> 00:30:13,731
And then Trina, you remember
how he brought up that scene?

591
00:30:13,765 --> 00:30:14,965
It's a great scene.

592
00:30:14,998 --> 00:30:17,134
It's Paul and Lisa and they're
just goofing around the palace.

593
00:30:17,167 --> 00:30:19,203
- Baa!
- Yeah, that's a good one.

594
00:30:19,236 --> 00:30:22,139
- Baa! Baa!
- That's right.

595
00:30:22,172 --> 00:30:24,341
- Paul, do you remember that?
- I do.

596
00:30:24,374 --> 00:30:26,143
Baa!

597
00:30:26,176 --> 00:30:27,377
- Do it, Paul.
- Come on, Paul.

598
00:30:28,145 --> 00:30:30,481
- Baa!
- Awoo!

599
00:30:30,514 --> 00:30:33,484
- What do my eyes do? They do appear a little...
- No.

600
00:30:33,517 --> 00:30:34,518
...lamby-bamby, pamby.

601
00:30:34,551 --> 00:30:37,254
I'm going to rush-crush.
I'm going to gnaw-saw.

602
00:30:37,287 --> 00:30:41,225
I'm going to rip you to... Oh, we're going
over the couch again... To my fang-pangs.

603
00:30:41,258 --> 00:30:43,360
Awoo!

604
00:30:43,393 --> 00:30:46,597
I descend like moonlight
unto thy pale bosom.

605
00:30:49,801 --> 00:30:52,569
That this could be the great Mozart
made the sting all the worse.

606
00:30:52,603 --> 00:30:56,006
That is Salieri's line. What do you
have a photographic memory or something?

607
00:30:56,406 --> 00:30:57,274
I do.

608
00:30:58,442 --> 00:31:00,143
Imagine having an argument
with her.

609
00:31:01,278 --> 00:31:02,613
Right, right.

610
00:31:02,646 --> 00:31:07,150
Then I remember Trina saying she
actually felt bad for Salieri

611
00:31:07,184 --> 00:31:10,187
because Salieri
just doesn't have it.

612
00:31:10,220 --> 00:31:14,792
And then I made the observation that
by contrast... What the hell was it?

613
00:31:14,826 --> 00:31:15,793
Okay, so that thing is beeping.

614
00:31:15,827 --> 00:31:21,365
Oh, mm-hm. By contrast,
Mozart is perfection.

615
00:31:21,398 --> 00:31:25,335
And then I said, how the hell
can Salieri not be jealous.

616
00:31:26,938 --> 00:31:30,541
However, darling,
when I said that, I recall...

617
00:31:30,574 --> 00:31:36,079
Weren't you over here, Paul,
just humping away on Lisa?

618
00:31:36,113 --> 00:31:38,248
- That's what I remember.
- Paul, continue.

619
00:31:38,282 --> 00:31:41,151
Oh, my little lamb-legged
Constanze-banza-ranza.

620
00:31:41,184 --> 00:31:43,320
You're shaking, you're
terrified of young Wolfie,

621
00:31:43,353 --> 00:31:45,088
you're gonna stain
your little white wool brown.

622
00:31:45,122 --> 00:31:46,189
Oh!

623
00:31:46,590 --> 00:31:48,660
Oh, Jesus!

624
00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:51,328
I'm just gonna...

625
00:31:54,331 --> 00:31:55,465
Boom.

626
00:32:03,607 --> 00:32:06,343
Charcuterie, charcuterie,
charcuterie, charcuterie.

627
00:32:06,376 --> 00:32:07,411
You alright?

628
00:32:08,512 --> 00:32:09,613
Oh, I am fine, Paul.

629
00:32:09,646 --> 00:32:11,582
Thank you
for your tremendous concern.

630
00:32:12,583 --> 00:32:15,586
Charcuterie, charcuterie,
charcuterie, charcuterie, choo-choo.

631
00:32:16,888 --> 00:32:19,189
Anybody hungry?
I made a charcuterie plate.

632
00:32:19,222 --> 00:32:20,591
I just ate. We just ate.

633
00:32:20,624 --> 00:32:21,993
We just ate.

634
00:32:22,026 --> 00:32:24,161
Paul, I know you can't have any
because of your Reebok commercial.

635
00:32:24,595 --> 00:32:25,697
Right.

636
00:32:25,730 --> 00:32:27,097
Plus, you're a CrossFit vegan
who saves puppies, yay.

637
00:32:27,130 --> 00:32:30,868
And I thought it was an interesting
choice to have Mozart played

638
00:32:30,902 --> 00:32:34,204
- by an African-American.
- Whoa, Jack?

639
00:32:34,237 --> 00:32:35,205
Again, with this shit?

640
00:32:35,238 --> 00:32:36,340
No, no, no, no, no.

641
00:32:36,373 --> 00:32:38,208
No.

642
00:32:38,241 --> 00:32:41,211
No, no, no.

643
00:32:41,244 --> 00:32:43,146
Okay, wait. Is anybody else
having an out-of-body experience?

644
00:32:43,180 --> 00:32:44,481
Thank you,
I thought I was losing my mind.

645
00:32:44,514 --> 00:32:46,450
- Moving on.
- Okay, that's my limit.

646
00:32:46,483 --> 00:32:47,484
- Goodnight, everyone.
- Yeah, okay.

647
00:32:48,619 --> 00:32:50,253
- Wait.
- Wait.

648
00:32:50,587 --> 00:32:52,090
Okay, okay,
this is what's going on.

649
00:32:52,122 --> 00:32:56,493
Lisa and I had an argument last night
and then to figure out who was right,

650
00:32:56,526 --> 00:32:58,495
- we decided to do over the entire night...
- Yeah.

651
00:32:58,528 --> 00:32:59,296
Start to finish.

652
00:32:59,329 --> 00:33:02,599
Everything exactly
the way it was.

653
00:33:03,433 --> 00:33:05,703
So that's why we're here, again.

654
00:33:07,939 --> 00:33:09,674
We probably should have
told you guys.

655
00:33:11,976 --> 00:33:15,479
But we were worried
that you might not come.

656
00:33:15,512 --> 00:33:17,347
That's right.
Get out of my way.

657
00:33:17,381 --> 00:33:19,684
Wait, wait, wait.
This is interesting, right,

658
00:33:19,717 --> 00:33:23,620
Jack and Lisa are doing this to
strengthen their relationship, right?

659
00:33:23,655 --> 00:33:25,555
- Right.
- They're supporting each other

660
00:33:25,589 --> 00:33:26,724
and that's why we're here,
isn't it?

661
00:33:27,992 --> 00:33:29,526
To support each other.

662
00:33:32,764 --> 00:33:33,665
Fine.

663
00:33:37,702 --> 00:33:39,236
Coat.

664
00:33:39,704 --> 00:33:40,604
Mm.

665
00:33:42,439 --> 00:33:45,275
- Wait, wait, wait, if we're really doing this...
- Trina.

666
00:33:45,308 --> 00:33:48,345
Everything has to be exactly
as it was last night, right?

667
00:33:48,378 --> 00:33:49,546
But you're sick.

668
00:33:50,614 --> 00:33:53,718
We're going to find out
who's right.

669
00:33:54,584 --> 00:33:55,619
Yeah, we are.

670
00:33:56,486 --> 00:33:58,221
Ugh. I am fine.

671
00:34:01,726 --> 00:34:03,460
- What?
- Get on the floor.

672
00:34:03,493 --> 00:34:04,729
- Seriously?
- Come on, Paul.

673
00:34:05,730 --> 00:34:07,297
Sarah, where did we leave off?

674
00:34:11,002 --> 00:34:12,770
Next, we talked about
Henry Shipley.

675
00:34:12,804 --> 00:34:14,706
Almond, bite.

676
00:34:14,739 --> 00:34:16,406
Okay, photographic memory.
What did I say?

677
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,608
- Stare.
- It certainly was a great play.

678
00:34:18,642 --> 00:34:22,579
Yes. And, uh, okay, I talked
about what a success that guy was,

679
00:34:22,612 --> 00:34:25,382
Broadway and Hollywood,
hit after hit.

680
00:34:25,415 --> 00:34:26,651
God, if I could have
been his agent.

681
00:34:26,684 --> 00:34:27,652
That's not what I said.

682
00:34:27,685 --> 00:34:28,653
- Mmm...
- Yes, it is.

683
00:34:28,686 --> 00:34:30,320
- Yeah.
- Mm-Hm.

684
00:34:31,956 --> 00:34:33,390
Oh, yeah, I might have commented on how
great Shipley's career was for a second,

685
00:34:33,423 --> 00:34:36,794
but then I went on to talk about how
great Jack's script was and it is,

686
00:34:36,828 --> 00:34:39,997
- it's a great script, Jack.
- Um, look, I know we're doing it like a thing here,

687
00:34:40,031 --> 00:34:44,669
but I was just wondering, who did you play
in The Dead Doth Trot the Hills at Night?

688
00:34:45,535 --> 00:34:47,437
Oh, um...

689
00:34:47,471 --> 00:34:49,339
Do you remember
the pharmacy sequence?

690
00:34:49,372 --> 00:34:50,742
Yeah, I mean, it's my favorite
part of the whole movie.

691
00:34:50,775 --> 00:34:53,044
- Isn't it great?
- So great.

692
00:34:53,077 --> 00:34:54,078
Who were you in that?

693
00:34:54,112 --> 00:34:58,415
I was, um, topless female
zombie number three.

694
00:34:58,448 --> 00:35:00,484
You got to see Doth Trot,
Sarah, it's so good.

695
00:35:00,517 --> 00:35:02,352
I mean, that sequence alone,
right, Trina?

696
00:35:02,385 --> 00:35:04,354
Oh, it's midnight.

697
00:35:04,387 --> 00:35:07,024
The zombies have finally reached
the little pharmacy in the hills.

698
00:35:07,058 --> 00:35:09,626
And we don't know, okay,
we have no idea.

699
00:35:09,660 --> 00:35:11,662
- They have no idea.
- If there's even any more antidote left.

700
00:35:11,696 --> 00:35:14,364
- I don't know.
- Right, so is it too late for us

701
00:35:14,397 --> 00:35:16,600
to be cured of our murderous
rage?

702
00:35:16,633 --> 00:35:18,635
So much tension,
so much tension.

703
00:35:18,669 --> 00:35:23,507
And so, I... I kick down the
pharmacy doors and I get in there.

704
00:35:23,540 --> 00:35:26,811
And that's when the posse
of townspeople arrive.

705
00:35:26,844 --> 00:35:29,613
You frickin' zombies!
Or whatever they say.

706
00:35:29,646 --> 00:35:32,049
Yeah, that was it and they're just...
They're just blasting away.

707
00:35:32,083 --> 00:35:33,751
Boom, boom, boom.

708
00:35:33,785 --> 00:35:35,720
You know so that is when
I take a stand, Sarah.

709
00:35:35,753 --> 00:35:39,389
- Yeah.
- I walk up to the posse and I reach out my hand

710
00:35:39,422 --> 00:35:42,760
and I am covered in blood.
I mean, bloody.

711
00:35:42,794 --> 00:35:46,764
My shirt is just ripped off
and I look at them and I say,

712
00:35:48,132 --> 00:35:51,301
"Do we not share
a common humanity?"

713
00:35:52,103 --> 00:35:53,805
- That was you.
- That was me.

714
00:35:55,673 --> 00:35:57,108
It really was an awesome line.

715
00:35:57,141 --> 00:35:58,075
Thanks.

716
00:35:58,109 --> 00:36:00,745
I mean, even hearing it
just now, goose bumps.

717
00:36:02,180 --> 00:36:03,413
- Yeah, I appreciate that.
- Yeah, and you know what, after that,

718
00:36:03,446 --> 00:36:06,684
the priest blew your head off
with the rocket launcher, right.

719
00:36:06,717 --> 00:36:07,785
Yeah.

720
00:36:08,518 --> 00:36:09,854
So funny.

721
00:36:09,887 --> 00:36:11,856
I did not write that.
That was not part of the original script.

722
00:36:11,889 --> 00:36:14,391
I mean, your head
just went fucking kaboom!

723
00:36:14,424 --> 00:36:15,893
There were shards of brains
everywhere.

724
00:36:15,927 --> 00:36:17,295
So awesome.

725
00:36:17,327 --> 00:36:19,396
Yeah, that was the director, though.
He demanded the rocket launcher.

726
00:36:19,429 --> 00:36:21,866
Yeah, which is why the movie
didn't ultimately work.

727
00:36:21,899 --> 00:36:23,366
Because of a rocket launcher?

728
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,871
No, because the director didn't grasp
the nuance of the fucking script.

729
00:36:29,472 --> 00:36:31,575
So, what was next?

730
00:36:31,608 --> 00:36:35,579
Brett volunteered
to find you a talent agent.

731
00:36:35,612 --> 00:36:36,546
Yeah. You remember?

732
00:36:36,580 --> 00:36:38,548
Oh, yeah. I remember that, Brett.

733
00:36:38,582 --> 00:36:40,818
Do you want to... Actually, do
you want to just do that again?

734
00:36:40,852 --> 00:36:41,886
Do you want to run
through that real quick?

735
00:36:41,919 --> 00:36:46,389
Um, I was like, um...
Uh, sure, Lisa, I could...

736
00:36:46,423 --> 00:36:49,459
Uh, I could definitely introduce
you to some talent agents.

737
00:36:49,492 --> 00:36:52,596
Well, okay, but do you really
think you can do that?

738
00:36:52,629 --> 00:36:55,867
But, remember,
I am just a literary agent.

739
00:36:55,900 --> 00:36:57,902
Thank you, honey.

740
00:36:57,935 --> 00:37:01,172
Uh, well, um,
I'm just a literary agent.

741
00:37:01,205 --> 00:37:02,840
Right, and Paul chimes in
and he says,

742
00:37:02,874 --> 00:37:05,542
"Hey, I'm gonna take you out
for dinner with my agent."

743
00:37:05,575 --> 00:37:07,812
I offered to help, yes.

744
00:37:07,845 --> 00:37:09,146
Oh, yeah, and then Sarah
wanted to leave.

745
00:37:09,180 --> 00:37:09,847
I was tired.

746
00:37:09,881 --> 00:37:11,048
I just wanted to give a toast.

747
00:37:11,082 --> 00:37:13,718
- And then Trina got herself another drink.
- Oh, God!

748
00:37:13,751 --> 00:37:14,517
Trina, what are you doing?

749
00:37:14,551 --> 00:37:16,453
We're gonna find out
who's right.

750
00:37:16,486 --> 00:37:17,520
Yeah!

751
00:37:17,554 --> 00:37:18,923
To the dining room.

752
00:37:21,926 --> 00:37:23,895
Paul, I'm sure,
you were there and I was here.

753
00:37:23,928 --> 00:37:25,562
- Okay, the hostility, you don't need that.
- You were there and I was here.

754
00:37:25,595 --> 00:37:26,831
You don't need that.

755
00:37:26,864 --> 00:37:29,800
- Okay, so I said...
- Yeah.

756
00:37:30,201 --> 00:37:32,803
- Thank you all for coming...
- Tch, tch, tch, tch, tch.

757
00:37:33,704 --> 00:37:36,807
Thank you all
for coming out tonight.

758
00:37:37,808 --> 00:37:42,445
- Uh...
- In the three years that I've known Lisa...

759
00:37:42,479 --> 00:37:43,881
Three years. Thank you, Sarah.

760
00:37:45,716 --> 00:37:48,485
In the three years
that I have known Lisa...

761
00:37:48,518 --> 00:37:49,820
Lis, what was the argument
about?

762
00:37:51,188 --> 00:37:53,658
Jack thought I said something
that was meant to make fun of him.

763
00:37:53,691 --> 00:37:57,560
No matter how hard things got...
Trying to make a toast.

764
00:37:57,594 --> 00:37:58,561
Okay. Well...

765
00:37:59,797 --> 00:38:01,598
- No matter how hard things...
- Wait, what did you say?

766
00:38:01,631 --> 00:38:03,134
We call him a genius.

767
00:38:03,167 --> 00:38:05,937
She was always optimistic about the future.
That's not how you said it.

768
00:38:05,970 --> 00:38:09,907
- It is how I said it.
- She was always optimistic toward the future.

769
00:38:09,941 --> 00:38:12,209
- And then Paul coming up just like last night...
- Yeah.

770
00:38:12,243 --> 00:38:15,478
- And I said, Lisa...
- Yes, he did interrupt, still in dream...

771
00:38:15,512 --> 00:38:18,816
- Oh, Trina.
- ...to go on and on about Lisa.

772
00:38:18,849 --> 00:38:22,653
Okay, Trina, but then you talked
about how you and Paul met.

773
00:38:22,687 --> 00:38:24,822
Well, a tale as old
as time itself.

774
00:38:24,855 --> 00:38:27,658
Girl falls in love
with a gym instructor.

775
00:38:28,693 --> 00:38:35,700
Girl watches as gym instructor flirts with all
the little hot girls in their little jog bras.

776
00:38:36,566 --> 00:38:37,935
It sounds romantic, right?

777
00:38:37,969 --> 00:38:39,971
- Trina.
- Oh, I suppose I'm imagining that now, too.

778
00:38:40,004 --> 00:38:40,871
- You okay?
- Mm-Hm.

779
00:38:40,905 --> 00:38:43,506
Okay, fine,
let's do this then.

780
00:38:43,540 --> 00:38:44,607
I don't want to air out
our dirty laundry,

781
00:38:44,641 --> 00:38:47,244
but last night, Trina and I
had an argument, too.

782
00:38:47,278 --> 00:38:48,279
Oh, yeah, about what?

783
00:38:48,312 --> 00:38:49,714
About Paul and Lisa.

784
00:38:49,747 --> 00:38:51,716
- What?
- What about Paul and Lisa?

785
00:38:51,749 --> 00:38:55,987
Oh, isn't Lisa gonna be such
a massive success?

786
00:38:56,020 --> 00:38:58,889
Wasn't she just so amazing
in the thingy?

787
00:38:58,923 --> 00:39:01,258
- It was a toast. People say nice things sometimes.
- It was my toast.

788
00:39:01,292 --> 00:39:06,529
I am Paul and I have seen
this play all over the world.

789
00:39:06,563 --> 00:39:09,867
- And Lisa is by far the best poofy haired girl.
- I didn't say that.

790
00:39:09,900 --> 00:39:12,269
- You're hung up on her, Paul, just admit it.
- I just never said that.

791
00:39:12,303 --> 00:39:13,804
- I never said that.
- He didn't say it like that.

792
00:39:13,838 --> 00:39:14,705
I didn't say...
I didn't say any of that.

793
00:39:14,739 --> 00:39:16,107
This is...
But this is why we're here.

794
00:39:16,140 --> 00:39:18,676
This is why we're here tonight,
so you can see that you're wrong.

795
00:39:18,709 --> 00:39:20,277
Lisa, help me out.

796
00:39:20,311 --> 00:39:22,279
- Trina, you're wrong.
- I'm not wrong.

797
00:39:22,313 --> 00:39:24,581
Yes, you are because Paul and I,
we are just friends.

798
00:39:24,614 --> 00:39:26,616
Just friends, did you hear that?
We're just friends.

799
00:39:26,649 --> 00:39:28,618
- Oh, you're just friends?
- Yes, we're just friends.

800
00:39:28,652 --> 00:39:30,021
- You're just friends, are you?
- We're just friends.

801
00:39:30,054 --> 00:39:31,322
- You're just friends.
- That's disgusting.

802
00:39:31,355 --> 00:39:33,590
- Oh, that's really mature.
- Oh, you just friends.

803
00:39:33,623 --> 00:39:35,993
- Yeah, so mature.
- Oh, you just friends. You just friends.

804
00:39:36,027 --> 00:39:39,296
Oh, my God.

805
00:39:39,330 --> 00:39:41,032
- Just friends, right?
- You're a freak.

806
00:39:41,065 --> 00:39:42,967
- You're just friends.
- This is over.

807
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,936
I don't wanna hear about this
ever again, alright?

808
00:39:45,970 --> 00:39:48,072
- My mind is certainly at ease now.
- This is never going to end.

809
00:39:48,105 --> 00:39:50,007
She's not going to stop,
she's just not gonna stop.

810
00:39:50,041 --> 00:39:51,641
What did I do?
I haven't done anything.

811
00:39:51,675 --> 00:39:54,078
Wow, okay, guess what.

812
00:39:54,111 --> 00:39:58,648
There is nothing,
nothing to be jealous of.

813
00:39:58,682 --> 00:40:00,084
Oh, I love this song.

814
00:40:00,918 --> 00:40:02,086
Dance, Trina, dance.

815
00:40:02,119 --> 00:40:03,921
To the living room.

816
00:40:10,127 --> 00:40:12,029
No, it's not a problem.

817
00:40:12,063 --> 00:40:16,000
No, I have accepted
the way that things are

818
00:40:16,934 --> 00:40:21,038
and I should actually be thanking Paul for
helping me realize this about the world.

819
00:40:21,839 --> 00:40:24,875
None of us is attracted
to just one person.

820
00:40:24,909 --> 00:40:26,944
I mean, let's be honest.

821
00:40:26,977 --> 00:40:29,080
There's a lot of candy
out there.

822
00:40:29,980 --> 00:40:33,951
You might be with one person,
but all day long,

823
00:40:33,984 --> 00:40:35,986
you find your eyes
drawn to a stranger.

824
00:40:36,821 --> 00:40:39,990
A co-worker, a friend,

825
00:40:40,024 --> 00:40:45,595
or maybe someone you met
at a cocktail party.

826
00:40:46,097 --> 00:40:48,365
- Mm?
- Uh... Excuse me.

827
00:40:48,399 --> 00:40:50,367
Hey. Is there something
I need to know here?

828
00:40:50,401 --> 00:40:54,939
No, why are you blaming me for Paul's
bad behavior? Blame Paul, he is the dog.

829
00:40:54,972 --> 00:40:57,041
Awoo!

830
00:40:57,074 --> 00:40:59,143
Strike me down, I am your dog.

831
00:40:59,176 --> 00:41:04,081
Strike me down, Constanze-panza.
Constanze-panza-ranza-danza.

832
00:41:04,115 --> 00:41:05,783
No.

833
00:41:06,884 --> 00:41:09,687
Well-deserved that you
know what please as well.

834
00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:10,754
- No.
- Hello.

835
00:41:10,788 --> 00:41:14,091
Beat me, punish me,
abuse me for your pleasure.

836
00:41:14,125 --> 00:41:16,160
- Stop it, Wolfie.
- I don't know what to do with my hands.

837
00:41:16,193 --> 00:41:17,795
Or does mistress
want to be beaten herself?

838
00:41:17,828 --> 00:41:18,996
Hey, Paul.

839
00:41:19,029 --> 00:41:21,098
Did you... Did you want to
control Miss Equinox over here?

840
00:41:21,132 --> 00:41:22,933
Trina, I know exactly
what you're doing.

841
00:41:22,967 --> 00:41:24,401
Don't worry, Paul,
we're just friends.

842
00:41:24,435 --> 00:41:27,138
Bend and be spanked pink
wherein thou art already pink.

843
00:41:27,171 --> 00:41:29,006
- Trina!
- Alright, enough.

844
00:41:29,039 --> 00:41:32,143
I'm... I'm done. I, uh...
I can't do this anymore.

845
00:41:32,176 --> 00:41:34,812
But we haven't gotten to
the part we were arguing about.

846
00:41:34,845 --> 00:41:36,180
I don't need to.
I already know what happened.

847
00:41:36,213 --> 00:41:37,848
No, you don't.

848
00:41:37,882 --> 00:41:41,418
You don't know, Jack, and that is why we
need to redo this exactly the way it was.

849
00:41:41,452 --> 00:41:43,020
Yeah, but nobody's doing that.

850
00:41:43,053 --> 00:41:45,189
How are we supposed to get
to the truth if we can't...

851
00:41:45,222 --> 00:41:48,425
I mean, Paul brings up
the rocket launcher.

852
00:41:48,459 --> 00:41:52,696
Trina's just riding all over Brett and
then Paul brings up the rocket launcher.

853
00:41:52,730 --> 00:41:54,899
Man, we didn't talk about
any of that shit yesterday.

854
00:41:54,932 --> 00:41:57,668
Oh, f... I'm just gonna...

855
00:42:00,204 --> 00:42:01,805
Oh, God.

856
00:42:04,842 --> 00:42:06,677
- Oh, no!
- I made a pie.

857
00:42:10,281 --> 00:42:12,716
I made a pie.

858
00:42:15,052 --> 00:42:16,020
I made a pie.

859
00:42:16,921 --> 00:42:18,455
I got that CrossFit
commercial coming.

860
00:42:18,489 --> 00:42:19,723
Of course, you do.

861
00:42:26,497 --> 00:42:27,731
Coming.

862
00:42:32,102 --> 00:42:33,037
Wasn't it great?

863
00:42:33,971 --> 00:42:34,905
So great.

864
00:42:35,272 --> 00:42:36,507
Amazing.

865
00:42:36,540 --> 00:42:38,175
So great, amazing.

866
00:42:38,209 --> 00:42:39,243
So great.

867
00:42:40,110 --> 00:42:42,079
Amazing.

868
00:42:44,515 --> 00:42:46,884
- I'm so glad you made it.
- Okay, we're hugging. Okay.

869
00:42:46,917 --> 00:42:47,818
Okay.

870
00:42:49,153 --> 00:42:52,156
We wanted to come earlier in the run.
You just get so busy.

871
00:42:52,189 --> 00:42:53,824
Aren't you glad
you saw it though?

872
00:42:53,857 --> 00:42:55,526
Wasn't Lisa amazing?

873
00:42:55,559 --> 00:42:57,828
Wasn't Lisa amazing?

874
00:42:57,861 --> 00:43:00,764
Oops!

875
00:43:06,270 --> 00:43:07,137
Special occasion.

876
00:43:08,138 --> 00:43:10,140
Go ahead, open it up.

877
00:43:11,542 --> 00:43:13,177
Woo!

878
00:43:13,210 --> 00:43:14,111
Woo!

879
00:43:16,547 --> 00:43:18,749
I'm just gonna...

880
00:43:19,817 --> 00:43:21,752
Doorbell rings.

881
00:43:22,019 --> 00:43:23,554
Cue Paul and Trina.

882
00:43:23,587 --> 00:43:26,190
Paul, you don't remember me
at all, do you?

883
00:43:26,223 --> 00:43:27,925
- Not at all.
- Ah, he's finally honest.

884
00:43:27,958 --> 00:43:29,893
Guys, be serious.

885
00:43:30,561 --> 00:43:32,830
- Am I in the right place?
- Am I in the right place?

886
00:43:34,598 --> 00:43:36,200
It's Brett.

887
00:43:36,233 --> 00:43:37,034
You know, we actually sat right next to
each other at the premiere of Doth Trot.

888
00:43:37,067 --> 00:43:39,103
- Oh, my God!
- Just let it go, man.

889
00:43:39,136 --> 00:43:40,237
- Guys.
- Screw you, man.

890
00:43:40,271 --> 00:43:41,238
Right back at you, buddy.

891
00:43:41,272 --> 00:43:42,306
Guys, come on.

892
00:43:44,174 --> 00:43:45,909
Oh, hey, Paul.

893
00:43:46,277 --> 00:43:48,212
- Jack.
- So glad you made it.

894
00:43:48,245 --> 00:43:51,048
You're totally welcome even though
I wasn't told you were coming.

895
00:43:51,081 --> 00:43:52,283
I told you, Jack.

896
00:43:55,286 --> 00:43:57,288
Wasn't it great?

897
00:43:57,321 --> 00:43:59,857
- Lisa, was so great.
- Right?

898
00:43:59,890 --> 00:44:00,725
Amazing.

899
00:44:00,759 --> 00:44:02,960
- "Right, Sarah?"
- Amazing. Right, Sarah?

900
00:44:02,993 --> 00:44:04,561
- Great.
- So great.

901
00:44:10,267 --> 00:44:11,869
Can I get you a drink?

902
00:44:11,902 --> 00:44:13,937
She's gotta try the bourbon.
You gotta try it.

903
00:44:16,206 --> 00:44:19,109
There she is.

904
00:44:19,143 --> 00:44:22,179
Hello, everyone.

905
00:44:22,212 --> 00:44:23,247
Thank you all so much
for coming.

906
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:25,182
Brett, hi. Sarah, hi.

907
00:44:25,215 --> 00:44:26,116
- Paul.
- Lis.

908
00:44:26,150 --> 00:44:30,154
- Thank you, Paul.
- They hug, Jack seethes.

909
00:44:32,089 --> 00:44:32,956
Wasn't it great?

910
00:44:33,624 --> 00:44:34,825
Special occasion.

911
00:44:35,159 --> 00:44:36,193
Hi, I'm Trina.

912
00:44:37,094 --> 00:44:38,095
Hi, I'm Trina.

913
00:44:38,929 --> 00:44:40,030
Hi.

914
00:44:46,904 --> 00:44:48,405
Awoo!

915
00:44:48,439 --> 00:44:50,341
Awoo!

916
00:44:50,374 --> 00:44:51,710
Awoo!

917
00:44:51,743 --> 00:44:55,979
- Baa!
- Oh, what do my eyes little lamby-bamby, pamby.

918
00:44:56,013 --> 00:44:57,314
- No!
- I'm going to rush-crush.

919
00:44:57,348 --> 00:44:58,415
I'm going to gnaw-saw.

920
00:44:58,449 --> 00:45:01,318
I'm going to rip you into pieces
with my fang-pangs.

921
00:45:01,352 --> 00:45:03,620
I descend like moonlight
upon that pale bosom.

922
00:45:03,655 --> 00:45:06,290
That this could be the great Mozart
made the sting all the worse.

923
00:45:06,323 --> 00:45:08,992
How do you know that line?
That's Salieri's line.

924
00:45:09,026 --> 00:45:11,028
- Got a photographic memory or something?
- I do.

925
00:45:11,061 --> 00:45:12,629
Imagine having an argument
with her.

926
00:45:12,664 --> 00:45:15,265
- I felt bad for that Salieri guy.
- Sure did.

927
00:45:15,299 --> 00:45:16,500
He tries so hard,
he just doesn't have it.

928
00:45:16,533 --> 00:45:18,969
You're scared of young Wolfie. You're terrified.

929
00:45:19,002 --> 00:45:20,371
You're going to stain
your little white wool brown.

930
00:45:27,010 --> 00:45:29,446
Thank you all for coming out
to celebrate this...

931
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,014
<i>It's not about Mozart.
...night.</i>

932
00:45:31,048 --> 00:45:32,983
<i>No matter how
much you sacrifice...</i>

933
00:45:33,016 --> 00:45:34,618
<i>For three years,
Lisa and I have been together...</i>

934
00:45:34,652 --> 00:45:36,053
<i>Who do we care about? Who drives the
action? He just doesn't have the talent.</i>

935
00:45:36,086 --> 00:45:40,057
<i>Salieri. No matter how hard he tries.
The play is about Salieri.</i>

936
00:45:40,090 --> 00:45:41,392
<i>He just doesn't have the talent.</i>

937
00:45:42,893 --> 00:45:47,164
I say, "Lisa," and that is when Paul interrupts me.

938
00:45:47,197 --> 00:45:48,165
Did I really?

939
00:45:48,198 --> 00:45:49,701
You killed it, Lis.

940
00:45:49,734 --> 00:45:55,239
And then I said, "And here's to Mozart,
the star of our play. Here's to Paul."

941
00:45:55,272 --> 00:45:56,907
Paul.

942
00:45:57,307 --> 00:45:58,475
To Paul.

943
00:45:58,509 --> 00:46:01,278
I can't drink anymore.

944
00:46:01,311 --> 00:46:02,680
You have to drink, Trina.

945
00:46:02,714 --> 00:46:05,048
It says "everybody drinks."

946
00:46:06,718 --> 00:46:07,451
Good girl.

947
00:46:08,352 --> 00:46:11,221
- Good girl.
- Wait, so you're a writer?

948
00:46:12,222 --> 00:46:13,924
He's a great writer.

949
00:46:14,224 --> 00:46:16,226
Oh, uh, yeah,
he's a great writer.

950
00:46:17,060 --> 00:46:17,961
Brett.

951
00:46:18,429 --> 00:46:20,097
It's true, Jack.

952
00:46:20,130 --> 00:46:21,932
Oh, sorry, it's true, Jack.

953
00:46:22,332 --> 00:46:24,334
What do you write,
just play thingies?

954
00:46:25,469 --> 00:46:27,237
Uh-huh, he writes movies.

955
00:46:28,205 --> 00:46:29,273
Oh, wow.

956
00:46:30,007 --> 00:46:31,041
Oh, wow!

957
00:46:32,142 --> 00:46:33,711
He writes great movies.
What is wrong with you guys?

958
00:46:33,745 --> 00:46:35,312
He writes great movies.

959
00:46:35,345 --> 00:46:36,447
What?

960
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:37,981
I can't do this anymore.

961
00:46:38,482 --> 00:46:39,450
I'm done.

962
00:46:40,652 --> 00:46:42,286
What are you talking about? Don't leave.

963
00:46:43,187 --> 00:46:44,455
It's going great.

964
00:46:45,122 --> 00:46:48,392
Wasn't the play awesome?

965
00:46:49,059 --> 00:46:52,262
So good, so good, so great.
Oh, really?

966
00:46:52,296 --> 00:46:56,266
Oh. I'm just trying to hold my
own against much better actors.

967
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:59,369
Oh,
you wrote "The Dead Doth Trot",

968
00:46:59,403 --> 00:47:02,172
or whatever the fuck the name
of that movie is.

969
00:47:02,206 --> 00:47:04,107
It was so funny.

970
00:47:06,143 --> 00:47:07,211
It's going great, right?

971
00:47:07,244 --> 00:47:09,546
It gave me goose bumps, see?

972
00:47:10,715 --> 00:47:14,551
Aren't you guys just a bunch
of beautiful snowflakes?

973
00:47:14,585 --> 00:47:18,355
- Okay, honey brave...
- No, I am done being nice.

974
00:47:18,388 --> 00:47:19,757
Wait!

975
00:47:19,791 --> 00:47:20,892
Ouch.

976
00:47:20,925 --> 00:47:23,761
I am only here because you
forced me to be, Brett.

977
00:47:23,795 --> 00:47:27,030
I came, I supported you
and now I'm done.

978
00:47:28,499 --> 00:47:32,503
You know, you people
have no idea what work is.

979
00:47:32,536 --> 00:47:36,774
You're like, "Do you like
my little make-believe story?"

980
00:47:36,808 --> 00:47:40,544
You know,
it's not just me up there. Baa!

981
00:47:40,577 --> 00:47:43,213
I'm merely a vessel.

982
00:47:44,081 --> 00:47:46,350
I have an actual job.

983
00:47:46,383 --> 00:47:47,785
I make decisions.

984
00:47:47,819 --> 00:47:50,220
I... I... I dry clean my clothes

985
00:47:50,254 --> 00:47:54,525
and all I want right now more than
anything in the world is sleep.

986
00:47:55,827 --> 00:47:58,395
Honey, wait, please, wait, wait.

987
00:47:58,428 --> 00:48:00,163
No more hugging.

988
00:48:05,135 --> 00:48:06,169
Okay.

989
00:48:07,170 --> 00:48:08,305
She's just really tired,
you know. So great.

990
00:48:16,146 --> 00:48:17,514
Damn.

991
00:48:19,583 --> 00:48:22,085
Sorry, honey. I'm just gonna...

992
00:48:30,193 --> 00:48:31,428
I made a pie.

993
00:48:31,461 --> 00:48:33,530
- Why this isn't working?
- I don't know.

994
00:48:35,767 --> 00:48:40,304
<i>Dear Brett, Sara, Paul
and Trina, over the last,</i>

995
00:48:40,337 --> 00:48:43,607
<i>who knows how many nights,
we have been on a search for truth.</i>

996
00:48:44,274 --> 00:48:45,208
<i>Who am I?</i>

997
00:48:45,242 --> 00:48:47,177
<i>What is the nature
of my relationship?</i>

998
00:48:47,210 --> 00:48:49,546
<i>Is change even possible?</i>

999
00:48:49,580 --> 00:48:53,483
<i>We have each tirelessly pursued
answers to these questions.</i>

1000
00:48:53,517 --> 00:48:57,588
<i>But, and I confess this
to you all, we have failed.</i>

1001
00:48:57,621 --> 00:49:03,327
<i>However, after careful thought,
I have come to an exciting realization.</i>

1002
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:07,264
<i>We have been unable to attain
the truth we seek</i>

1003
00:49:07,297 --> 00:49:12,235
<i>simply because we, in the very act
of reenacting our own arguments,</i>

1004
00:49:12,269 --> 00:49:18,241
<i>do not have the objectivity necessary
for clear analytical judgment.</i>

1005
00:49:18,275 --> 00:49:20,510
<i>Accordingly,
I have come upon a tactic</i>

1006
00:49:20,544 --> 00:49:23,647
<i>which should serve
to facilitate this objectivity,</i>

1007
00:49:23,681 --> 00:49:29,152
<i>therefore, allowing for the possibility of
full unfettered insight and understanding.</i>

1008
00:49:29,186 --> 00:49:31,254
<i>I look forward
to seeing you all tonight.</i>

1009
00:49:31,288 --> 00:49:34,391
<i>Your friend, Jack.</i>

1010
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,663
- Paul.
- Jack.

1011
00:49:45,435 --> 00:49:49,172
Jack, honey, what...
What's happening here?

1012
00:49:50,675 --> 00:49:51,575
Oh, God.

1013
00:49:56,546 --> 00:49:58,181
Will the actors please enter?

1014
00:50:10,728 --> 00:50:12,730
- Hi.
- Hi.

1015
00:50:12,764 --> 00:50:13,765
Thanks.

1016
00:50:17,467 --> 00:50:18,468
Okay, welcome.

1017
00:50:19,436 --> 00:50:21,438
As you know,
you have all been summoned here

1018
00:50:21,471 --> 00:50:26,309
to audition for a new play
called "The Argument."

1019
00:50:27,344 --> 00:50:30,948
I am Jack, the writer/director,

1020
00:50:30,982 --> 00:50:33,517
and I would love for each of you
to say your name

1021
00:50:33,550 --> 00:50:36,754
and then tell us the character
part you're reading for today.

1022
00:50:39,523 --> 00:50:42,694
I usually like to absorb
the material ahead of time.

1023
00:50:42,727 --> 00:50:44,528
But sure, let's do a call.

1024
00:50:45,262 --> 00:50:47,264
My name
is Walter Howard Johnson III.

1025
00:50:47,297 --> 00:50:51,301
I'm a singer-songwriter,
sculptor, sailor, chef,

1026
00:50:51,334 --> 00:50:54,271
but, most importantly,
the seeker of truth.

1027
00:50:54,304 --> 00:50:56,573
- Oh, yeah.
- And what part are you reading for?

1028
00:50:56,606 --> 00:50:58,575
I'm reading for Jack.

1029
00:51:01,779 --> 00:51:03,380
Thank you. Next.

1030
00:51:04,015 --> 00:51:08,720
Hi, I'm Lisa, that's my real
name and the character's name,

1031
00:51:08,753 --> 00:51:12,322
which is sort of like fate,
I guess you could say.

1032
00:51:14,324 --> 00:51:19,797
Anyways, I am five-seven.
My measurements are 36-24-36...

1033
00:51:19,831 --> 00:51:21,799
- Why do we need to know her measurements?
- Shh.

1034
00:51:21,833 --> 00:51:26,738
...which is a true hourglass.
I enjoy jet skiing, beach volleyball,

1035
00:51:26,771 --> 00:51:28,740
- and making new friends.
- Oh.

1036
00:51:28,773 --> 00:51:30,307
- Yeah.
- I'm Brett.

1037
00:51:30,340 --> 00:51:34,011
And I also brought, um, some headshots
and bikini shots if anyone wants one.

1038
00:51:34,045 --> 00:51:35,445
- Oh, my God.
- No, thank you.

1039
00:51:35,479 --> 00:51:36,513
I'll take one.

1040
00:51:37,949 --> 00:51:39,083
- I'm just gonna have a drink.
- Maybe we would do that later.

1041
00:51:39,117 --> 00:51:40,718
- I'll just... I'll put these right here.
- Awesome.

1042
00:51:40,752 --> 00:51:42,653
Hey, uh, do I know you?

1043
00:51:42,687 --> 00:51:43,755
No, I don't think so.

1044
00:51:44,554 --> 00:51:46,623
- Mm-hm.
- Okay, uh, who's next?

1045
00:51:46,657 --> 00:51:50,360
- First of all, I participate in the arts because it's political.
- Oh, Jesus.

1046
00:51:50,393 --> 00:51:52,629
To challenge to the status quo
is my generation's responsibility

1047
00:51:52,663 --> 00:51:54,065
and I make no apologies
for that.

1048
00:51:54,098 --> 00:51:56,433
- Good for you.
- Oh, my God, Jack.

1049
00:51:56,466 --> 00:51:57,467
- What?
- What?

1050
00:51:57,501 --> 00:51:58,970
- What's your name?
- Oh, my name is irrelevant.

1051
00:51:59,003 --> 00:52:03,473
Although I am heterosexual, I would
like to dedicate my performance today

1052
00:52:03,507 --> 00:52:07,344
to my LGBTAQ brothers
and sisters across the globe.

1053
00:52:07,377 --> 00:52:08,913
And for the duration
of this reading,

1054
00:52:08,946 --> 00:52:12,449
I would like to be referred to as my
non-binary gender identifier of Myke,

1055
00:52:12,482 --> 00:52:14,719
it's with a Y,
if you can deal with that.

1056
00:52:14,752 --> 00:52:15,686
- Me?
- Yeah.

1057
00:52:15,720 --> 00:52:16,821
That's really funny.

1058
00:52:16,854 --> 00:52:18,656
At first, I thought you said
your name was "Irrelevant"

1059
00:52:18,689 --> 00:52:20,457
and I thought
that's kind of cool name.

1060
00:52:20,490 --> 00:52:22,059
- You go, Trina.
- It's Myke.

1061
00:52:22,093 --> 00:52:23,761
- Right.
- Who's next?

1062
00:52:24,829 --> 00:52:27,464
Oh, um, my name is Billy

1063
00:52:27,497 --> 00:52:31,535
and I am auditioning for the role
of Brett and the role of Sarah.

1064
00:52:31,568 --> 00:52:34,806
Great casting.

1065
00:52:34,839 --> 00:52:36,808
Hold on.
How does that even work?

1066
00:52:36,841 --> 00:52:38,341
Hey, give the kid a shot, Paul.

1067
00:52:38,375 --> 00:52:41,078
Boy, can I just say
this is so exciting.

1068
00:52:41,112 --> 00:52:44,682
I mean, I've been in L.A. for not even a month
and already I'm auditioning for a play.

1069
00:52:46,751 --> 00:52:49,654
Yeah, I... I told... Told my folks,
um, over the phone last night

1070
00:52:49,687 --> 00:52:53,825
and they're just so pumped.

1071
00:52:53,858 --> 00:52:55,893
- Should I sit? I should sit back, down. Yeah.
- Okay.

1072
00:52:58,428 --> 00:53:02,099
What up, motherfuckers?
My name is D-Fuckin'-Money.

1073
00:53:02,133 --> 00:53:05,670
I'm playing motherfuckin'...
Paul.

1074
00:53:07,470 --> 00:53:09,106
- Um.
- Seriously, Jack?

1075
00:53:09,140 --> 00:53:12,710
What? I didn't fucking write that.
Holy shit, mister.

1076
00:53:12,743 --> 00:53:14,544
I don't know, don't you think
he's just a little, uh...

1077
00:53:14,578 --> 00:53:17,480
Little... Little... Little...
What? Oh, man!

1078
00:53:17,514 --> 00:53:19,784
Oh, oh! A little what?

1079
00:53:19,817 --> 00:53:21,752
Little what? Little what?

1080
00:53:21,786 --> 00:53:23,587
Little what? What?
Little what? Little what?

1081
00:53:23,620 --> 00:53:25,455
Say it, say it, say it,
motherfucker, say it.

1082
00:53:25,488 --> 00:53:27,925
Whoa, whoa, could we just like
not do the offensive language?

1083
00:53:27,959 --> 00:53:29,593
That's what I thought.

1084
00:53:31,494 --> 00:53:32,697
That's how I fucking talk.

1085
00:53:32,730 --> 00:53:34,765
So, you just went out to the
hood and found the blackest...

1086
00:53:34,799 --> 00:53:36,734
- Whoa!
- Oh! - Babe!

1087
00:53:36,767 --> 00:53:40,470
What? No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.

1088
00:53:40,503 --> 00:53:43,941
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.

1089
00:53:43,975 --> 00:53:45,475
Watch your fucking mouth.

1090
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:51,883
That's your script.
And that's your seat there.

1091
00:53:51,916 --> 00:53:53,416
- Sup?
- Hi.

1092
00:53:53,450 --> 00:53:54,785
Okay, let's dive right in.

1093
00:53:55,753 --> 00:53:56,654
Excuse me.

1094
00:53:58,155 --> 00:53:59,891
I was wondering if you could tell us
a little bit about this production.

1095
00:53:59,924 --> 00:54:01,792
The ad on Craigslist
didn't have much info.

1096
00:54:01,826 --> 00:54:05,629
- Craigslist.
- Why don't we save all of these extraneous questions

1097
00:54:05,663 --> 00:54:09,700
for after all the fun stuff and get into the
creative right now? What do you say, guys?

1098
00:54:09,734 --> 00:54:11,669
Yeah? Okay, wonderful.

1099
00:54:11,702 --> 00:54:13,771
- Lisa is gonna read the stage directions.
- Really?

1100
00:54:15,907 --> 00:54:19,576
This is... That's also Lisa,
isn't that funny?

1101
00:54:19,609 --> 00:54:23,513
The Argument, a play in one act.

1102
00:54:23,546 --> 00:54:25,515
Lights up in the kitchen
of a small,

1103
00:54:25,548 --> 00:54:28,853
tastefully appointed Spanish-styled
bungalow in Hollywood, California.

1104
00:54:28,886 --> 00:54:32,823
Preparing appetizers with
impressive culinary skills is Jack,

1105
00:54:32,857 --> 00:54:38,495
30, a quiet soul,
clearly, a deep thinker,

1106
00:54:38,528 --> 00:54:42,800
but not without a rugged
animal magnetism.

1107
00:54:42,833 --> 00:54:43,935
What? I like it.

1108
00:54:43,968 --> 00:54:45,002
I like it already.

1109
00:54:45,770 --> 00:54:47,238
Thank you.

1110
00:54:47,271 --> 00:54:50,808
The doorbell rings, Jack opens the
door to find Brett, 40, in a suit.

1111
00:54:50,841 --> 00:54:51,641
Wait, 40?

1112
00:54:51,676 --> 00:54:53,010
- Brett, you are 40.
- But I look 40?

1113
00:54:53,044 --> 00:54:54,812
- That's accurate, yes. - You look...
- That I... That I believe...

1114
00:54:54,845 --> 00:54:55,746
- Anyways...
- Can we just continue?

1115
00:54:55,780 --> 00:54:57,815
production,
the part of Sarah,

1116
00:54:57,848 --> 00:55:00,550
entertainment lawyer and
longtime girlfriend of Brett,

1117
00:55:00,583 --> 00:55:04,956
will be played for the entirety of
the production by a sock puppet?

1118
00:55:04,989 --> 00:55:07,557
Hi, there,
how's everybody doing?

1119
00:55:07,590 --> 00:55:08,793
What the hell is happening?

1120
00:55:08,826 --> 00:55:11,963
Brett and I spoke and if Sarah
doesn't want to participate.

1121
00:55:11,996 --> 00:55:14,999
If Sarah doesn't want
to be here, she is a sock.

1122
00:55:15,032 --> 00:55:17,534
Calling me a child, I'm not
the child, she's a child.

1123
00:55:19,103 --> 00:55:23,573
Well, on that slightly aggressive
note, it sure is good to meet you guys.

1124
00:55:23,606 --> 00:55:24,607
You're a sock puppet, Sarah.

1125
00:55:24,641 --> 00:55:26,744
That's what you are.

1126
00:55:26,777 --> 00:55:29,013
You're a sock puppet.
Mee, mee, mee.

1127
00:55:30,881 --> 00:55:32,283
We'll see how she likes
this one, huh?

1128
00:55:32,316 --> 00:55:35,252
Okay, people. We have a lot
to get through here.

1129
00:55:35,286 --> 00:55:37,487
So, uh, Jack.

1130
00:55:38,789 --> 00:55:39,824
Wasn't it great?

1131
00:55:40,958 --> 00:55:43,761
Oh, um, so great, amazing.

1132
00:55:43,794 --> 00:55:45,730
So glad you guys could make it.

1133
00:55:45,763 --> 00:55:47,298
Hey, is it cool if I take
my shirt off for this?

1134
00:55:47,331 --> 00:55:48,799
- Do it.
- What?

1135
00:55:48,833 --> 00:55:52,003
- I just really like to go for it as an actor.
- No, man, don't. No. Don't.

1136
00:55:52,036 --> 00:55:53,603
No, don't take your shirt off.

1137
00:55:53,636 --> 00:55:54,872
Just trying to feel
my way around this.

1138
00:55:54,905 --> 00:55:56,240
Okay. Lisa.

1139
00:55:56,273 --> 00:55:58,743
- Yeah, you should take your shirt off.
- I agree. Hi, I'm Trina.

1140
00:55:58,776 --> 00:55:59,744
Read the stage directions.

1141
00:55:59,777 --> 00:56:00,878
Oh.

1142
00:56:00,911 --> 00:56:02,046
Ooh, sorry.

1143
00:56:02,079 --> 00:56:04,849
Uh, Jack wraps Sarah
in a warm embrace.

1144
00:56:06,117 --> 00:56:09,920
Oh, we're hugging again. Okay.

1145
00:56:09,954 --> 00:56:11,789
What can I get you guys
to drink?

1146
00:56:11,822 --> 00:56:14,692
- Um, you have any bourbon?
- Yes, we do.

1147
00:56:14,725 --> 00:56:17,028
- Dude, stop.
- Quiet, motherfucker! We acting.

1148
00:56:17,061 --> 00:56:18,628
Yeah, quiet!

1149
00:56:18,662 --> 00:56:20,197
Okay, moving on, Jack.

1150
00:56:20,231 --> 00:56:23,100
I actually do have a nice little bottle
that I picked up for the occasion.

1151
00:56:23,134 --> 00:56:27,104
Jack selflessly offers the no
less than $100 bottle of bourbon

1152
00:56:27,138 --> 00:56:28,571
to his literary agent Brett

1153
00:56:28,605 --> 00:56:31,976
despite the fact that Jack hasn't
been sent out on a meeting in months,

1154
00:56:32,009 --> 00:56:33,677
which we shall learn later.

1155
00:56:33,711 --> 00:56:35,578
- Jesus, Jack.
- I write what I know.

1156
00:56:35,612 --> 00:56:37,948
Hey, Brett. I don't want
to put you on the spot.

1157
00:56:38,349 --> 00:56:40,718
Well, what can I do for you?

1158
00:56:40,751 --> 00:56:42,987
This was Lisa's first
serious acting job.

1159
00:56:43,020 --> 00:56:43,921
Right.

1160
00:56:43,954 --> 00:56:45,656
Not some student film.

1161
00:56:45,689 --> 00:56:48,325
Right.

1162
00:56:48,359 --> 00:56:50,795
- Not an infomercial.
- Oh, right.

1163
00:56:50,828 --> 00:56:55,933
Not topless female zombie 3 in the
movie which shall remain nameless.

1164
00:56:55,966 --> 00:56:59,737
Actual acting,
which is what she loves.

1165
00:56:59,770 --> 00:57:01,505
Jack takes a deep breath,

1166
00:57:01,539 --> 00:57:05,042
for he is about to selflessly attempt to offer
career support to his beloved girlfriend,

1167
00:57:05,076 --> 00:57:11,581
even though, he unconsciously knows that she
will never truly appreciate his efforts.

1168
00:57:13,084 --> 00:57:16,353
Jack, can I talk to you
in your office for a second?

1169
00:57:16,387 --> 00:57:18,189
- Yeah.
- Not you.

1170
00:57:19,657 --> 00:57:20,691
You.

1171
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:25,162
- What are we doing?
- No, no, no, this is so good. This is helping...

1172
00:57:25,196 --> 00:57:26,697
Helping what?

1173
00:57:26,730 --> 00:57:27,965
Helping us figure out
who's right.

1174
00:57:27,998 --> 00:57:29,867
About what?
I can't even remember.

1175
00:57:29,900 --> 00:57:32,703
Of course, this is a really tough
time in the industry right now.

1176
00:57:32,736 --> 00:57:33,838
Beep, beep, beep.

1177
00:57:35,106 --> 00:57:36,674
I'm just gonna...

1178
00:57:41,779 --> 00:57:42,847
Where the fuck he going?

1179
00:57:46,450 --> 00:57:47,885
I think we really have
something here.

1180
00:57:47,918 --> 00:57:50,821
It's current, it's political,
it speaks to where we are as a people.

1181
00:57:50,855 --> 00:57:52,823
- What are you doing in here?
- I need to move.

1182
00:57:52,857 --> 00:57:54,125
It helps me discover
the character.

1183
00:57:54,158 --> 00:57:55,793
- Yeah.
- Jesus. - Jesus.

1184
00:57:55,826 --> 00:57:58,129
He opens the stove,
checks the pie.

1185
00:58:01,966 --> 00:58:03,134
Um, don't do that.

1186
00:58:04,634 --> 00:58:08,205
Look, man, I'm open to direction,
but at some point, this is my craft.

1187
00:58:10,107 --> 00:58:12,076
Ding-dong,
motherfucking doorbell.

1188
00:58:14,178 --> 00:58:15,645
Brett, could you get that?

1189
00:58:19,984 --> 00:58:21,085
This is the right place.

1190
00:58:21,852 --> 00:58:23,187
It's Brett.

1191
00:58:23,220 --> 00:58:25,956
Yeah, yeah. You good. You good.
Brett. Brett the agent, right?

1192
00:58:25,990 --> 00:58:29,860
Paul pretends to remember Brett but it's
clear that he never cared enough to try.

1193
00:58:30,461 --> 00:58:33,931
In fact, one wonders if Paul has ever
cared about anything other than himself.

1194
00:58:33,964 --> 00:58:36,800
Yes, one does wonder that,
doesn't she?

1195
00:58:36,834 --> 00:58:39,904
Years ago, doesn't matter,
this is Sarah.

1196
00:58:39,937 --> 00:58:41,138
Sarah, 'sup? What's up?

1197
00:58:41,172 --> 00:58:44,008
- Oh, how you doing?
- Sarah, really? Come on.

1198
00:58:44,041 --> 00:58:46,944
- Hi, I'm Trina.
- Excuse me?

1199
00:58:46,977 --> 00:58:50,047
Paul introduces Sarah and Brett
to his Australian girlfriend

1200
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:51,415
whose body fat index
is under control.

1201
00:58:51,448 --> 00:58:55,786
Yeah, buddy, this is my girl Trina.
Trina, this is Brett and...

1202
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:58,189
Hi, I'm Trina.

1203
00:58:58,222 --> 00:59:00,191
- Hi, I'm Sarah.
- Yeah, that'd be Sarah.

1204
00:59:00,224 --> 00:59:01,725
Yeah.

1205
00:59:01,759 --> 00:59:06,830
Hi, I'm Trina... Wait, have you proof-read
this? I say that like eight times.

1206
00:59:06,864 --> 00:59:07,965
Oh, yeah, it's perfect.

1207
00:59:07,998 --> 00:59:08,999
Hello.

1208
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:12,203
You have a lovely home.

1209
00:59:12,236 --> 00:59:14,772
I do not live here.

1210
00:59:14,805 --> 00:59:17,208
It is then that Lisa
makes her grand entrance.

1211
00:59:21,845 --> 00:59:22,846
Okay.

1212
00:59:23,814 --> 00:59:24,882
Oh, yeah.

1213
00:59:24,915 --> 00:59:25,849
What?

1214
00:59:35,926 --> 00:59:36,927
Hello, everyone.

1215
00:59:37,328 --> 00:59:39,763
Woo!

1216
00:59:40,264 --> 00:59:42,866
- Thank you.
- What is up, baby girl?

1217
00:59:42,900 --> 00:59:45,502
- Jack.
- What? You think I wrote that?

1218
00:59:45,536 --> 00:59:46,971
But did you cast her?

1219
00:59:47,004 --> 00:59:48,138
She's the only one
that answered the ad, honey.

1220
00:59:48,172 --> 00:59:52,009
- Craigslist.
- Thank you all so much for being here.

1221
00:59:52,543 --> 00:59:55,179
Brett, hello. Hi, Sarah.

1222
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,049
- And Paul. You're Paul.
- Mm-hm.

1223
00:59:59,583 --> 01:00:02,853
Trina lets loose
with a long strange laugh.

1224
01:00:03,287 --> 01:00:05,289
Ho-ho-ho-ho!

1225
01:00:05,322 --> 01:00:08,292
Whee, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

1226
01:00:08,325 --> 01:00:09,893
I know what a strange laugh is.

1227
01:00:09,927 --> 01:00:11,862
- Hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Are you already drunk?

1228
01:00:11,895 --> 01:00:13,330
I am in hell.

1229
01:00:13,364 --> 01:00:15,232
- Lisa.
- Me?

1230
01:00:15,266 --> 01:00:17,201
- Actor Lisa.
- I'm also an actor, Jack.

1231
01:00:17,234 --> 01:00:19,536
- Actor Jack.
- No, not actor Jack.

1232
01:00:19,570 --> 01:00:21,205
Everything okay?

1233
01:00:21,238 --> 01:00:25,809
Oh, oh, you're Paul's wife... I mean,
in the play thingy. I didn't recognize...

1234
01:00:25,843 --> 01:00:27,177
Sorry, I get out of breath.

1235
01:00:27,211 --> 01:00:29,880
I didn't recognize you
with all the big poofy hair,

1236
01:00:29,913 --> 01:00:31,282
- you were so good...
- Hair.

1237
01:00:31,315 --> 01:00:32,283
It's hair.

1238
01:00:32,316 --> 01:00:33,984
- Hair.
- Hair.

1239
01:00:34,018 --> 01:00:34,952
Hair.

1240
01:00:34,985 --> 01:00:36,755
- That's what I'm saying. Hair.
- Moving on.

1241
01:00:36,787 --> 01:00:41,992
I love that part where you and Paul are sort
of fooling around in the library or whatever,

1242
01:00:42,026 --> 01:00:44,595
and you're acting
like a little mouse.

1243
01:00:44,628 --> 01:00:46,030
- Lamb.
- Lamb.

1244
01:00:46,063 --> 01:00:47,766
Did I say mouse?

1245
01:00:47,798 --> 01:00:51,602
Lisa and Paul begin to act out the scene in
question with Lisa's superior acting skills

1246
01:00:51,635 --> 01:00:53,203
basically carrying the scene.

1247
01:00:53,937 --> 01:00:58,175
Baa! Baa! Baa! Baa!

1248
01:00:58,208 --> 01:01:02,179
- Awoo!
- Baa!

1249
01:01:02,212 --> 01:01:06,617
Oh, what do my eyes do they appear,
a little lamby-bamby, pamby.

1250
01:01:06,651 --> 01:01:09,053
Little... What the fuck
is this shit, man?

1251
01:01:09,086 --> 01:01:09,887
Yeah, what is this shit?

1252
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:11,121
That's the one part
I didn't write.

1253
01:01:11,155 --> 01:01:13,957
I'm sorry. I have a quick question?

1254
01:01:13,991 --> 01:01:17,027
- So, I am living with Jack.
- Mm-Hm.

1255
01:01:17,061 --> 01:01:20,331
Okay? But I also have a thing
with this Paul character, right?

1256
01:01:22,299 --> 01:01:23,934
- I'm just confused.
- Oh, my God.

1257
01:01:23,967 --> 01:01:26,270
You know, that's really interesting, it's
a... That's an interesting observation.

1258
01:01:26,303 --> 01:01:29,206
I can see how that's one
interpretation of it.

1259
01:01:29,239 --> 01:01:32,343
- I'm sorry, Herr Direktor.
- Ooh, hey.

1260
01:01:32,376 --> 01:01:35,245
- But could I please talk to you in our office?
- Yes, darling.

1261
01:01:37,114 --> 01:01:39,049
Why?

1262
01:01:40,017 --> 01:01:42,386
Not really comfortable
with the term genius.

1263
01:01:42,419 --> 01:01:47,224
It was done in the wrong spirit;
it was mocking and I apologize.

1264
01:01:47,257 --> 01:01:49,960
You know, you shouldn't say you're
wrong if you don't really believe it.

1265
01:01:52,563 --> 01:01:55,099
Quick note, all this lamby-pamby
stuff, you gotta cut it.

1266
01:01:55,132 --> 01:01:57,301
It's too wordy. It's too weird.
It's not grabbing me.

1267
01:01:57,334 --> 01:01:58,335
Get out.

1268
01:01:59,436 --> 01:02:02,973
He takes a large charcuterie
plate from the fridge.

1269
01:02:10,414 --> 01:02:11,348
Don't do that.

1270
01:02:11,382 --> 01:02:12,983
Hey, you wrote it.

1271
01:02:23,293 --> 01:02:24,428
Anybody hungry?

1272
01:02:25,195 --> 01:02:26,263
Who could eat this late?

1273
01:02:28,198 --> 01:02:29,299
What is it?

1274
01:02:30,300 --> 01:02:31,435
It's a charcuterie plate.

1275
01:02:31,468 --> 01:02:34,371
It's so nice.

1276
01:02:35,506 --> 01:02:37,241
Yeah, it looks good, Jack.

1277
01:02:37,274 --> 01:02:40,210
Paul, get in here.

1278
01:02:41,412 --> 01:02:44,014
Man, I ain't eatin' that shit.

1279
01:02:44,047 --> 01:02:47,117
At first blush, Paul's comment
seems very rude,

1280
01:02:47,151 --> 01:02:49,086
but Jack chooses not to respond

1281
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:52,189
because he's not one
to prejudge another human.

1282
01:02:52,222 --> 01:02:57,961
Instead, he treats each individual
with dignity and respect.

1283
01:02:57,995 --> 01:02:59,129
Why not?

1284
01:02:59,163 --> 01:03:01,231
I'm just really conscious
of my fat intake right now.

1285
01:03:01,265 --> 01:03:04,301
I'm shooting a Reebok CrossFit's
commercial next month.

1286
01:03:04,334 --> 01:03:06,136
Oh, you booked that?

1287
01:03:06,170 --> 01:03:07,337
Oh, yeah, man,
it's going to be National.

1288
01:03:08,338 --> 01:03:11,041
- Wow. Paul, that's amazing!
- Mmm.

1289
01:03:11,074 --> 01:03:12,309
I know, right.

1290
01:03:12,342 --> 01:03:13,243
I gotta keep my abs.

1291
01:03:13,277 --> 01:03:15,412
Like you ever need to worry.

1292
01:03:15,446 --> 01:03:18,148
Plus, I'm pretty much totally
vegan right now, so...

1293
01:03:18,549 --> 01:03:20,451
- CrossFit and vegan.
- Yeah.

1294
01:03:20,484 --> 01:03:23,387
Do you also rescue puppies from
animal shelters in your spare time?

1295
01:03:23,420 --> 01:03:25,055
Fuck that commercial,
I need a drink.

1296
01:03:25,088 --> 01:03:27,524
This is good.
Escalating conflict.

1297
01:03:27,558 --> 01:03:29,092
Let's stir the pot.

1298
01:03:29,761 --> 01:03:31,195
I really feel like
I should have my shirt off.

1299
01:03:31,228 --> 01:03:32,229
- Yes!
- Yes, please.

1300
01:03:32,262 --> 01:03:33,497
- Oh, my God! Yes.
- You don't have to...

1301
01:03:34,699 --> 01:03:36,099
- what is the matter with you?
- Oh, my God.

1302
01:03:36,133 --> 01:03:38,268
That's how I know you.

1303
01:03:38,302 --> 01:03:40,137
I knew what I know and I knew it.
I knew I know you.

1304
01:03:40,170 --> 01:03:43,407
The Wolfgang audition,
you auditioned for that, right?

1305
01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:46,410
Oh, wow.

1306
01:03:48,312 --> 01:03:50,080
Yes, I did, okay.

1307
01:03:50,113 --> 01:03:51,982
Did you book that part?

1308
01:03:52,249 --> 01:03:53,517
I did.

1309
01:03:53,550 --> 01:03:57,421
Congratulations,
I mean, that is... That's huge.

1310
01:03:57,454 --> 01:04:00,491
So, you auditioned
for that, too?

1311
01:04:00,524 --> 01:04:01,759
Yeah, I did.

1312
01:04:01,793 --> 01:04:05,496
- Kind of went for like a Germany accent like this.
- Mm-hm.

1313
01:04:05,529 --> 01:04:10,100
Oh, Mr. Mozart!
You were so naughty,

1314
01:04:10,133 --> 01:04:15,272
I'm going to spank you on your calduffin
puffin" something like that, I don't know.

1315
01:04:16,073 --> 01:04:18,041
- I hate this industry.
- Moving on.

1316
01:04:18,075 --> 01:04:21,378
I bleed for my craft and what do I get?
I get experimental crap.

1317
01:04:21,411 --> 01:04:24,248
- Hey.
- Nothing's even happening. Where's the action?

1318
01:04:24,281 --> 01:04:27,417
Well, it certainly is
an amazing play.

1319
01:04:27,451 --> 01:04:31,355
All of Shipley's plays actually;
Wolfgang, the...

1320
01:04:31,388 --> 01:04:34,124
The Equestrian,
he was a real success.

1321
01:04:34,157 --> 01:04:35,092
That's interesting, Brett.

1322
01:04:35,125 --> 01:04:37,494
It seems like he's a writer
beyond reproach.

1323
01:04:37,528 --> 01:04:41,064
Anyone who criticizes his work
must be a total idiot.

1324
01:04:41,098 --> 01:04:44,134
On the contrary,
even the great play Wolfgang

1325
01:04:44,167 --> 01:04:47,504
received some definitely mixed
reviews when it premiered in London.

1326
01:04:47,538 --> 01:04:49,139
Well, that's...
That's very interesting.

1327
01:04:49,172 --> 01:04:50,607
Isn't it though?

1328
01:04:50,641 --> 01:04:52,509
Whoa, whoa, hold on. We didn't talk
about any of this the first night.

1329
01:04:52,543 --> 01:04:55,512
Well, this is when I lost
the human Dictaphone

1330
01:04:55,546 --> 01:04:57,581
and I was doing
the best that I could.

1331
01:04:57,614 --> 01:05:01,184
- Actor Jack.
- Well, now I just don't know what to think.

1332
01:05:01,218 --> 01:05:06,356
Shipley is pretty good but I represent
some real great writers, too.

1333
01:05:07,558 --> 01:05:10,193
- Like you, Jack.
- Are you watering this shit down?

1334
01:05:10,227 --> 01:05:14,298
Uh, wait. So, you're a writer?

1335
01:05:14,331 --> 01:05:15,432
A great writer.

1336
01:05:15,465 --> 01:05:17,067
I am sorry,
can I take that again?

1337
01:05:17,434 --> 01:05:20,437
A great writer. A great writer.
Great writer.

1338
01:05:21,171 --> 01:05:23,540
- Really, really, great...
- Oh, yeah?

1339
01:05:23,574 --> 01:05:24,676
Well, what did you write?

1340
01:05:25,409 --> 01:05:27,411
The Dead Doth Trot
the Hills at Night.

1341
01:05:27,444 --> 01:05:29,413
Oh, my God, I love that movie.

1342
01:05:29,446 --> 01:05:30,848
Is... Is that a real movie?

1343
01:05:30,882 --> 01:05:31,849
It's a great movie.

1344
01:05:31,883 --> 01:05:33,017
So, you wrote that?

1345
01:05:33,051 --> 01:05:35,185
Truly one of the most talented
of all the writers ever.

1346
01:05:35,218 --> 01:05:38,088
- Okay, that's enough.
- Yes, he did.

1347
01:05:38,555 --> 01:05:39,857
I was in it.

1348
01:05:39,891 --> 01:05:41,059
That is how we met.

1349
01:05:41,091 --> 01:05:44,461
Wow, I didn't realize I'd be
auditioning for such talent.

1350
01:05:44,494 --> 01:05:47,297
Uh, Trina stares adoringly
at her idol.

1351
01:05:47,665 --> 01:05:50,601
- Hey, Lisa.
- Yeah?

1352
01:05:50,634 --> 01:05:53,470
Uh, tell me more about your
experience in that movie.

1353
01:05:53,503 --> 01:05:55,907
Were you in any big
dramatic scenes?

1354
01:05:55,940 --> 01:06:00,912
Do you remember the sequence at the
pharmacy at the climax of act two?

1355
01:06:00,945 --> 01:06:03,347
Oh, my God!
Yes, I love that part.

1356
01:06:03,380 --> 01:06:04,481
That was me.

1357
01:06:04,514 --> 01:06:06,450
Brett interjects
with a show of support.

1358
01:06:06,483 --> 01:06:08,418
Sarah,
you should see that movie.

1359
01:06:08,452 --> 01:06:09,620
Why should I?

1360
01:06:09,654 --> 01:06:12,389
Is the anecdote in stock?

1361
01:06:12,422 --> 01:06:14,926
- Oh, great!
- So much tension.

1362
01:06:14,959 --> 01:06:20,263
So, we rush inside then the
posse appears, they chase us

1363
01:06:20,297 --> 01:06:23,634
and they begin blasting away,
boom, boom, boom, boom.

1364
01:06:23,668 --> 01:06:26,503
And then, I take my stance.

1365
01:06:26,536 --> 01:06:28,372
My shirt is bloody.

1366
01:06:28,405 --> 01:06:30,474
I rip it open.

1367
01:06:30,942 --> 01:06:35,345
Huh. Do we not share
a human community?

1368
01:06:38,548 --> 01:06:40,450
Um, you actually wrote that?

1369
01:06:40,484 --> 01:06:43,721
A common humanity.

1370
01:06:43,755 --> 01:06:46,523
And then the priest blows her head off
with the rocket launcher, like, boom.

1371
01:06:47,557 --> 01:06:49,593
Okay, everybody, stop laughing.

1372
01:06:49,626 --> 01:06:50,662
It's okay, Brett.

1373
01:06:50,695 --> 01:06:53,463
Well, it's not okay.
Doth Trot is a great script.

1374
01:06:53,497 --> 01:06:54,732
Yeah, it is a great script.

1375
01:06:54,766 --> 01:06:56,166
- No, it's a horrible script.
- Great script.

1376
01:06:56,199 --> 01:06:59,704
- - Great script.
- Yeah, let's just admit that it was total shit.

1377
01:06:59,737 --> 01:07:02,606
I'm a little unclear.
Is my character an idiot?

1378
01:07:02,639 --> 01:07:04,709
- Yes, he is. - No, he's not.
- Yes, I am.

1379
01:07:04,742 --> 01:07:06,543
I don't like watching movies.

1380
01:07:06,576 --> 01:07:08,746
- Okay, because you're such an adult.
- Yeah.

1381
01:07:08,780 --> 01:07:10,948
Oh, a big fancy office,
you dry clean your clothes.

1382
01:07:10,982 --> 01:07:12,549
- Brett...
- Well, you know what?

1383
01:07:12,582 --> 01:07:14,152
I would dry clean
my clothes, too,

1384
01:07:14,184 --> 01:07:18,756
but I happen to be concerned about a
little something called the environment.

1385
01:07:18,790 --> 01:07:20,357
Look at me, Sarah.

1386
01:07:20,390 --> 01:07:21,591
Look at me, googly eyes.

1387
01:07:21,625 --> 01:07:23,627
- Just... Look at me!
- Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!

1388
01:07:23,661 --> 01:07:25,997
- What happened to us?
- Oh, God!

1389
01:07:26,030 --> 01:07:28,966
- What happened to us, Sarah!
- Let's stop.

1390
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:32,469
Yeah, man, this play sucks dick.

1391
01:07:32,502 --> 01:07:34,005
No, no, Jack.

1392
01:07:34,038 --> 01:07:37,775
We cannot let it end like this.
Are you kidding?

1393
01:07:42,612 --> 01:07:43,513
It's over.

1394
01:07:45,683 --> 01:07:47,752
No, it's not. It's not over.

1395
01:07:51,621 --> 01:07:53,290
Actor Jack, come on.

1396
01:07:53,725 --> 01:07:57,327
Well, we're not here to talk
about me, this is Lisa's night,

1397
01:07:57,360 --> 01:07:58,796
- we're here to talk about Lisa.
- Yeah, I'll talk to you.

1398
01:07:58,830 --> 01:08:01,565
Sarah and I really enjoyed
your wonderful performance, Lisa.

1399
01:08:01,598 --> 01:08:02,667
- I'll talk to you later, babe.
- Right, Sarah?

1400
01:08:02,700 --> 01:08:04,202
I loved it.

1401
01:08:04,234 --> 01:08:10,507
Uh, Jack... Jack lifts the glass to
toast Lisa with effortless eloquence.

1402
01:08:12,944 --> 01:08:17,547
She walks in beauty like the night
of cloudless climes and starry skies

1403
01:08:17,581 --> 01:08:23,520
And all that's best of dark and bright,
meet in her aspect and her eyes.

1404
01:08:24,321 --> 01:08:26,623
Oh, are we serious?

1405
01:08:26,657 --> 01:08:30,293
I was surprised myself, but
Sarah remembered it verbatim.

1406
01:08:30,327 --> 01:08:33,597
More than that, Jack.
Lisa, you were the bomb.

1407
01:08:33,630 --> 01:08:35,465
Jack underselling your shit.

1408
01:08:35,499 --> 01:08:37,702
- Yeah, well, thank you, Paul.
- Uh.

1409
01:08:37,735 --> 01:08:40,805
- Yeah, there's some definite heat going on right now.
- I know.

1410
01:08:41,571 --> 01:08:42,372
Heat right here too, baby.

1411
01:08:43,573 --> 01:08:45,743
So how did you
and Trina meet, Paul?

1412
01:08:45,777 --> 01:08:50,715
At a gym because what I care about most
in my life is my abs and my glutes.

1413
01:08:50,748 --> 01:08:52,382
Okay, I never said that.

1414
01:08:52,415 --> 01:08:53,517
I'm not a writer.

1415
01:08:56,087 --> 01:08:57,255
I'm a joke.

1416
01:08:57,287 --> 01:09:01,092
Everybody flirts, everybody
wants to bone all the time.

1417
01:09:01,125 --> 01:09:02,894
Okay, wait, is that like sort
of the message of this play?

1418
01:09:02,927 --> 01:09:06,764
Because I'm just feeling like my character
really wants to connect with the kid over here.

1419
01:09:06,798 --> 01:09:09,066
- Oh, you felt that, too?
- Yeah, 100%.

1420
01:09:09,100 --> 01:09:10,768
I knew it, it's obvious.

1421
01:09:10,802 --> 01:09:12,804
- I should kick your ass.
- I'm standing right here.

1422
01:09:12,837 --> 01:09:14,504
- You a dick, Brett.
- I have a dick, Paul.

1423
01:09:14,538 --> 01:09:16,606
Hey, hey, listen,
we all have dicks alright.

1424
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:19,844
Paul, you just shush your mouth.

1425
01:09:20,477 --> 01:09:22,412
And Brett,
here, have a bit of shush.

1426
01:09:22,445 --> 01:09:23,681
There you go.

1427
01:09:23,714 --> 01:09:25,716
- You like that, don't you?
- Mm-hm.

1428
01:09:25,750 --> 01:09:27,819
- Give it a rest, Paul.
- Alright, Paul.

1429
01:09:27,852 --> 01:09:29,086
- Alright, Brett.
- Alright, Paul.

1430
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:30,121
- Alright, Brett.
- Paul.

1431
01:09:30,154 --> 01:09:31,823
- Wait, okay. I'm sorry.
- Alright, Paul.

1432
01:09:31,856 --> 01:09:35,760
Actor Trina begins to dance
seductively.

1433
01:09:35,793 --> 01:09:38,395
- Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me.
- I'll... I'll dance.

1434
01:09:39,831 --> 01:09:41,699
You should've learned
a trade, Jack.

1435
01:09:42,599 --> 01:09:45,368
Hey, hold on a damn minute.

1436
01:09:45,736 --> 01:09:46,938
Is there something
I should know here?

1437
01:09:47,705 --> 01:09:49,707
I didn't do anything wrong.

1438
01:09:49,740 --> 01:09:52,310
Yeah, right.
What about the date?

1439
01:09:53,744 --> 01:09:54,745
What?

1440
01:09:56,881 --> 01:09:59,116
Be honest, Lisa.

1441
01:09:59,150 --> 01:10:00,550
Um...

1442
01:10:03,888 --> 01:10:07,692
Yes, Paul and I went out once.

1443
01:10:08,458 --> 01:10:09,593
Oh, yeah.
I saw that coming.

1444
01:10:09,626 --> 01:10:10,895
- Yeah, that's not bad.
- It wouldn't be obviously.

1445
01:10:10,928 --> 01:10:11,929
I got that.

1446
01:10:11,963 --> 01:10:13,731
- I mean, the energy...
- I didn't see that coming.

1447
01:10:14,598 --> 01:10:16,167
Everything's over. It's over.

1448
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:17,400
No. No.

1449
01:10:17,434 --> 01:10:20,171
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1450
01:10:20,204 --> 01:10:21,873
No. No.

1451
01:10:21,906 --> 01:10:27,912
No, it is not over because it was one
time, a long time ago and nothing happened.

1452
01:10:28,813 --> 01:10:30,147
Why didn't you tell me?

1453
01:10:30,181 --> 01:10:32,449
I didn't tell you because I didn't
want to argue about nothing.

1454
01:10:32,482 --> 01:10:33,918
- Nothing?
- Nothing.

1455
01:10:34,819 --> 01:10:40,791
Nothing happened because
honestly, no offense, Paul,

1456
01:10:42,193 --> 01:10:43,928
but I found Paul to be so...

1457
01:10:44,929 --> 01:10:46,297
- Oh, fuck!
- A sock puppet?

1458
01:10:46,330 --> 01:10:48,833
- Is this a part of the play?
- Sock puppets are cute. You're cute.

1459
01:10:48,866 --> 01:10:51,601
- A sock puppet?
- Did you run here?

1460
01:10:51,635 --> 01:10:53,470
- Damn!
- Get off the sofa.

1461
01:10:53,503 --> 01:10:54,705
You know we're not gonna
hurt each other tonight.

1462
01:10:55,873 --> 01:10:58,508
Get him. Get him.

1463
01:10:59,777 --> 01:11:00,978
Kick his ass.

1464
01:11:01,012 --> 01:11:02,914
Hey, hey. Okay.

1465
01:11:02,947 --> 01:11:04,581
They're crazy.

1466
01:11:04,614 --> 01:11:07,550
Paul, you're telling me
nothing happened?

1467
01:11:10,988 --> 01:11:12,189
Come on, I know you're unhappy.

1468
01:11:12,223 --> 01:11:13,824
Unhappy?

1469
01:11:13,858 --> 01:11:14,992
I'm not unhappy.

1470
01:11:15,026 --> 01:11:16,827
- Ah!
- Quit your job.

1471
01:11:16,861 --> 01:11:18,896
- Quit my job?
- Yeah.

1472
01:11:18,930 --> 01:11:22,532
- That's easy for you to say. I'm not you.
- Okay, okay.

1473
01:11:22,565 --> 01:11:26,837
To be honest with you, I usually
prefer a little bit more, uh, uptown.

1474
01:11:26,871 --> 01:11:28,839
Strike me down, Constanze.

1475
01:11:28,873 --> 01:11:31,541
- No.
- I'm cutting all the Constanze-banza stuff, okay?

1476
01:11:31,574 --> 01:11:32,810
Hey, we could do it. Okay?
We'll make it work.

1477
01:11:32,843 --> 01:11:33,945
We'll sell the house.
We'll sell the cars.

1478
01:11:33,978 --> 01:11:35,212
We'll leave this industry
entirely.

1479
01:11:35,246 --> 01:11:36,613
- What?
- Yes.

1480
01:11:36,646 --> 01:11:37,682
And you know what else?

1481
01:11:39,884 --> 01:11:42,853
Let's have a family, yeah.

1482
01:11:42,887 --> 01:11:43,955
Brett?

1483
01:11:45,588 --> 01:11:46,724
Don't you want two hummingbirds?

1484
01:11:47,590 --> 01:11:48,893
I can't just quit.

1485
01:11:49,626 --> 01:11:50,695
Numnum wants to.

1486
01:11:55,598 --> 01:11:56,901
Let's get naked
and make a baby right away.

1487
01:11:58,736 --> 01:12:01,005
- Oh!
- God!

1488
01:12:01,038 --> 01:12:03,007
- Oh, watch it, man.
- Yeah, fuck. Yeah, fuck, yeah.

1489
01:12:03,640 --> 01:12:05,743
Okay, what's really
going on here?

1490
01:12:05,776 --> 01:12:10,513
Is this some sort of weird gross
like casting couch orgy or something?

1491
01:12:10,547 --> 01:12:12,950
I'm all for it, but everyone
needs to know I have herpes.

1492
01:12:14,018 --> 01:12:15,052
Oh, she's really going for it.

1493
01:12:15,086 --> 01:12:17,054
Alright.
We are so sorry, everyone.

1494
01:12:17,088 --> 01:12:19,724
We had an argument.

1495
01:12:19,757 --> 01:12:21,892
And we are...

1496
01:12:22,625 --> 01:12:25,595
...trying to work
through some emotions.

1497
01:12:25,628 --> 01:12:26,964
So that's why we're here.

1498
01:12:26,998 --> 01:12:28,032
Who's your daddy?

1499
01:12:28,065 --> 01:12:29,266
Oh, yeah.

1500
01:12:30,735 --> 01:12:32,770
Bottom of page 27,
everybody with me.

1501
01:12:32,803 --> 01:12:35,973
What a bunch of crypto-fascist
patriarchal dick-measuring.

1502
01:12:36,007 --> 01:12:38,042
- Why am I even here?
- To help me get an agent, Paul.

1503
01:12:38,075 --> 01:12:40,678
Yeah, I know I agreed to help,
but it's not gonna happen with Brett.

1504
01:12:40,711 --> 01:12:42,713
You know,
I've hit a real skit lately. Oh.

1505
01:12:42,747 --> 01:12:44,682
You mean you can't help me
find an agent?

1506
01:12:44,715 --> 01:12:46,649
This is a really tough time
in the industry right now.

1507
01:12:47,952 --> 01:12:50,087
- Brett!
- I need a drink.

1508
01:12:50,121 --> 01:12:54,725
- Trina, no more drinking.
- Okay, I'm so sorry, everyone. You may go.

1509
01:12:54,759 --> 01:12:56,660
You take that back,
we're not done.

1510
01:12:56,694 --> 01:12:59,797
Dude, it's over. It's a failure.
Goodbye.

1511
01:12:59,830 --> 01:13:02,599
Oh, my God! I cannot believe I
traveled all the way across town

1512
01:13:02,632 --> 01:13:05,870
- to play Sambo in this insipid tripe.
- Jack.

1513
01:13:05,903 --> 01:13:09,572
I played Othello, at the National
Theatre and a regional tour

1514
01:13:09,606 --> 01:13:11,876
and a limited Broadway run
for fuck's sake.

1515
01:13:11,909 --> 01:13:13,044
What the fuck, Jack?

1516
01:13:13,077 --> 01:13:14,311
What do you want from me?
Now he's not black enough?

1517
01:13:14,345 --> 01:13:17,748
Is it... Is it not too much to
ask, you know, for a sliver...

1518
01:13:17,782 --> 01:13:19,784
Actually no, like a modicum
of professionalism

1519
01:13:19,817 --> 01:13:21,986
even when playing
a one-dimensional creep?

1520
01:13:22,019 --> 01:13:23,654
One-dimensional?

1521
01:13:24,021 --> 01:13:25,056
Okay.

1522
01:13:25,089 --> 01:13:27,658
Well, does this look
one-dimensional to you, bro?

1523
01:13:27,691 --> 01:13:28,993
Three-percent body fat.

1524
01:13:29,026 --> 01:13:30,694
So, he gets to take
his shirt off.

1525
01:13:34,365 --> 01:13:39,870
Thou art like one of those fellows that
when we walks to the confines of a tavern,

1526
01:13:39,904 --> 01:13:46,077
claps me his sword upon the table and
says, "God send me no need of thee!"

1527
01:13:46,977 --> 01:13:52,716
and by the operation of the second
cup, draws it upon the drawer,

1528
01:13:53,384 --> 01:13:58,656
when, indeed, there is no need.

1529
01:14:00,091 --> 01:14:02,059
Take me with you.

1530
01:14:03,894 --> 01:14:06,030
I thought I would die here,
but I'm free.

1531
01:14:06,964 --> 01:14:08,732
I'm finally free.

1532
01:14:14,905 --> 01:14:17,007
Woo! What a ride,
what a journey, what an arc.

1533
01:14:20,845 --> 01:14:22,046
I'll miss you the most,
scarecrow.

1534
01:14:22,079 --> 01:14:22,980
Okay.

1535
01:14:23,714 --> 01:14:24,614
We're gonna go have sex.

1536
01:14:27,017 --> 01:14:27,918
Call me.

1537
01:14:29,186 --> 01:14:31,989
I'm just gonna leave a couple
of headshots, you never know.

1538
01:14:32,022 --> 01:14:34,725
Hey, uh, looks like you got your
body fat index under control.

1539
01:14:34,758 --> 01:14:36,727
- Oh, you think so?
- Oh, yeah.

1540
01:14:37,728 --> 01:14:40,731
My folks are gonna be really disappointed,
this isn't a real play, so...

1541
01:14:40,764 --> 01:14:42,099
- Oh.
- Oh, buddy.

1542
01:14:42,133 --> 01:14:44,168
Hey, kid, you keep it.

1543
01:14:44,869 --> 01:14:46,704
Gee! Thanks, guys.

1544
01:14:46,737 --> 01:14:48,172
You earned it.

1545
01:14:48,205 --> 01:14:49,907
Sweet.

1546
01:14:51,775 --> 01:14:54,411
I'm like definitely blogging
about this.

1547
01:14:54,445 --> 01:14:55,246
God!

1548
01:14:55,279 --> 01:14:58,782
Wait, where are you
amateurs going?

1549
01:14:58,816 --> 01:14:59,950
The play is not over.

1550
01:15:00,751 --> 01:15:02,153
- What?
- What the fuck?

1551
01:15:02,186 --> 01:15:04,889
Lisa bottom of page 27.

1552
01:15:04,922 --> 01:15:07,758
Beep, beep, beep.
The stove timer goes off in the kitchen.

1553
01:15:08,926 --> 01:15:11,695
I'm just gonna, ah...

1554
01:15:11,729 --> 01:15:13,797
- Where are you going?
- The show must go on.

1555
01:15:13,831 --> 01:15:14,832
Oh, Christ.

1556
01:15:16,967 --> 01:15:18,969
Okay, what are you doing?

1557
01:15:19,003 --> 01:15:20,771
- I'm gonna finish this play.
- Put... Put it down.

1558
01:15:20,804 --> 01:15:22,973
- Let go of me.
- Okay, it's over, it's over.

1559
01:15:23,007 --> 01:15:24,441
- I made a pie.
- Stop it.

1560
01:15:24,475 --> 01:15:26,143
I made a pie.

1561
01:15:26,177 --> 01:15:27,444
Stop fucking acting.

1562
01:15:39,823 --> 01:15:40,824
I made a pie.

1563
01:15:42,226 --> 01:15:43,827
Yeah, I can't eat that.

1564
01:15:53,971 --> 01:15:55,039
Are we done now?

1565
01:15:55,072 --> 01:15:57,841
I don't even remember
what we were arguing about.

1566
01:15:59,843 --> 01:16:02,146
About whether something I said
was a bad joke.

1567
01:16:02,913 --> 01:16:06,250
About whether someone asked me
on a date years ago.

1568
01:16:07,318 --> 01:16:09,820
What does it matter?

1569
01:16:10,854 --> 01:16:16,093
- It doesn't matter.
- Then why, why are we here?

1570
01:16:18,996 --> 01:16:20,831
I don't want to be Salieri.

1571
01:16:21,999 --> 01:16:26,270
I want to be Mozart,
at least to you.

1572
01:16:29,173 --> 01:16:34,144
But you are, Jack,
and you always have been.

1573
01:16:43,854 --> 01:16:44,888
I made a pie.

1574
01:17:03,607 --> 01:17:05,276
This is hot, Jack.

1575
01:17:06,143 --> 01:17:07,044
We're cooking it.

1576
01:17:15,286 --> 01:17:16,320
I'm sorry, Lisa.

1577
01:17:18,188 --> 01:17:19,356
I'm sorry, too.

1578
01:17:19,390 --> 01:17:21,091
One more thing.

1579
01:17:23,961 --> 01:17:24,995
What are you doing?

1580
01:17:25,029 --> 01:17:28,966
- Just one second. Where did I hide it?
- Jack.

1581
01:17:55,626 --> 01:17:56,960
Woo! Hey, Jack!

1582
01:18:37,549 --> 01:18:42,549
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