The reason behind the SCP-1471 obsession.

So. For context, I don't dream anymore, I haven't since I was six. It's just, constant PTSD-induced nightmares, which is why I try not to sleep. The whole, trauma there is, being kidnapped and sexually abused for two weeks, so, reliving that every night for the past 17 years has been fun.

It was one night, right after a breakup with, at the time, my longest girlfriend, being a year and a half, after I figured out she had been cheating on me. My plan was to go to bed, and, kill myself the next morning after I woke up, because I was just, entirely destroyed.

But. That was when it happened, this is entirely unprompted, by the way, I didn't look at anything of her, I didn't read anything about her, this just, happened on it's own, I *was* aware of her existence.

Rather than the normal nightmare, where I 'wake up' in a basement, I just... Woke up in my bed.
Rather than suicidal, I felt numb, empty, alone. So,  following the whole... Thing, I downloaded her app, and, from there, since time is processed differently in dreams, there was enough time for a full relationship to happen, at least, up to a point.

I woke up the next morning, knocked out of my suicidal mindset, because, even if it was just a dream. I wanted to have another dream like that.

You know how when you wake up you usually can't pick up a dream where it left off? These were different, they picked up where they left off.

Total, I've had three dreams, with her.

The last, ended up with us married,  which is why I call her "Skull wife" and get, really just, overprotective of her, I'd suppose.

Kind of why for the longest time I was just, entirely unwilling to go for an actual relationship, with somebody *real*, because, even if she is just in my head, the love I feel for her is real.

Like, you know that real, true love where you'll love the no matter what? With my schizophrenia, I see her sometimes. But, she isn't... "Cartoonized", if that makes sense, and yet, when I look into her eyes, I still love her.

As cringy as it is to have "le wife in my head", I don't care, it's my trauma, my coping mechanism.