Soul Eater DUM (Dubiously Unaccustomed Mares)

Aug 11th, 2014
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  1. >Day Something Completely Different on Earth
  2. >Be Anonymous the Weapon Meister
  3. >You are a student at the Death Weapon Meister Academy, a school created by Lord Death himself
  4. >As a gifted human with eccentric flair, you find yourself seamlessly integrated into this strange new world
  5. >Oddly enough, you find yourself in Nevada for all of this
  6. >Queer…
  7. >Regardless, today is the day you meet your weapon partner
  8. >A likewise gifted individual who can transform their own being into a mighty weapon that, when wielded by you, holds the potential to destroy the many enemies of mankind
  9. >Stumbling towards your seat, the bell rings out in the hall to signify the beginning of class
  10. >You look around to see many new faces in the crowd
  11. >Weapon partners, no doubt
  12. >The teacher, a strange sort of man with a giant screw in his head and a number of improbable stitches over his entire wardrobe, begins scrawling something on the blackboard
  13. >”Hey, Anon, check out the pair on that one.”
  14. >A small voice rises up from behind you as a foppish classmate points to a tall, buxom girl sitting off to the side
  15. >”I bet she can turn into a cannon, ‘cause she’s a bombshell.”
  16. >He makes a silly click with his tongue and points his fingers like a gun
  17. >All you can imagine is a poorly constructed doodle in your mind of the scene
  18. >The sound of chalk suddenly dies down and the professor stands motionless
  19. >With a great heave, he throws himself backward and into a small rolling chair
  20. >He spins like a lunatic for a few rotations before coming to face with the class
  21. >”OK, class, today you’ll be paired up with your potential partners. Make friends with each other quickly because the two of you will be spending an extended period of time together from now on.”
  22. >The silly teacher quickly grabs the screw on his head and turns it with an audible click
  23. >”As for you new attendees, my name is, ‘Professor Stein’ and I can answer all your questions after we have you paired off.”
  24. >Role is called in a slow fashion as the seats become a bit crowded with weapons sitting beside their assigned partner
  25. >Shamefully, you were born with no last name and all rosters in school always put you on the very bottom of lists
  26. >If only your parents had more money to give you a proper last name, you lament to yourself
  27. >Professor Stein drags through the list until your name finally rings out
  28. >You quickly raise your hand with all the enthusiasm you can muster and try to look friendly
  29. >Sitting straight up with your hand in the air, the room goes silent for a moment
  30. >Looking around, you notice there are no weapon partners left standing
  31. >Another audible clicking sound can be heard from the Professor’s head
  32. >”Huh, that’s strange, it seems to me that someone…”
  33. >The teacher is quickly cut off as the door bursts open and in floats the Grim Reaper himself
  34. >Standing tall, the tremendous black figure silently crosses the floor
  35. >The stark white mask of a skull hides curious designs of a being outside of time
  36. >The very fear of all that live and the one that so many try to stave off with science and magic
  37. >The Grim Reaper turns to towards the class and raises a massive, white hand
  38. >His fingers spread out into a V shape and a cheery voice begins
  39. >”Hey-o! How’s it hanging? Good to see all these new faces and they look so eager to learn too!”
  40. >Lord Death turns back to Professor Stein and speaks causally
  41. >”Sorry to interrupt you like this, Stein, but I found a new student who got lost on her way to class.”
  42. >With a sweep of his large hand, he beckons the one standing just outside the door
  43. >Stein smirks quickly before looking over his papers
  44. >”I take it that this is… Pas'd-ane?”
  45. >The room stirs a bit and you catch gazes shooting between others
  46. >Without ceremony or pomp, a small pony with a silvery coat, golden mane, and ruby eyes cautiously trots across the floor
  47. >The room is silent, save for the sound of hooves tapping on wooden floors
  48. >”Umm, hello.”
  49. >The pony creature shyly tucks her head to one side and looks towards Professor Stein
  50. >”Yes, good, you will be partnered with Anonymous. He’s up top, with his hand sticking up and the dumbstruck look on his face.”
  51. >At your teacher’s words, you quickly snap to reality and try to sober up
  52. >The little pony proceeds up the stairs at a slightly accelerated pace only to trip and stumble upwards as she reaches your row
  53. >A snicker turns into a chuckle and into utter laughter as the other students mockingly lose themselves to slapstick
  54. >You think for a good moment and decide you will be the bigger man
  55. >Surely, if this pony was chosen to be your partner, you must not be so different
  56. >Actually, you do not know or understand the ranking system for meisters and weapons, but that is not the point!
  57. >Standing before the sobbing thing, you thrust out your arm and open your palm
  58. >Pas'd-ane looks up from beneath her shiny mane and you smile back
  59. “The desk is more comfy than it looks, I promise.”
  60. >With a slight chuckle, the pony wipes away her embarrassment and takes your hand
  61. >The feeling of energy surges through you in a single burst up your spine and directly into your brain
  62. >”Oh, thank you, Anonymous.”
  63. >You do not, -cannot- speak for the moment as the sensation fades away
  64. “Y-yeah, no problem.”
  65. >Pas'd-ane sits uncomfortably at the seat beside your own before smiling and you shake off the shock
  66. >The uninterested voice of Professor Stein rings up to you
  67. >”Anonymous, if you are done pretending to be a statue, I do have a lesson to teach.”
  68. >You quickly find your legs and march to your seat
  69. >Pas'd-ane smiles lightly with you before looking at the desk
  70. >”M-my name’s Pas'd-ane, but everyp0ny back home just calls me Paddy. If t-that’s OK with you?”
  71. “Yes, Paddy sounds fine. I’m Anonymous, but Anon is faster if you prefer?”
  72. >”Oh, Anon, that’s nice.”
  73. >Chalk begins to tap at the blackboard again and you both turn to see what is being written
  74. >A tail carefully swishes back and forth, bumping your side in some unheard rhythm
  75. >This may take some getting used to, you think
  76. >Witches, magic, devouring souls; you could deal with these realities
  77. >Talking, technicolour ponies; now you have seen it all
  78. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  79. >Night of the Living Roommate on Earth
  80. >Be Anonymous
  81. >You walk the cobblestone streets back to your dorm with Paddy in tow
  82. >Rubbing your smooth chin, you contemplate what tomorrow will bring
  83. “So, you’re a weapon, right?”
  84. >”Hmm? Oh, yes.”
  85. “What’s that like?”
  86. >”It’s different.”
  87. >You glance back towards the little pony
  88. “Don’t talk much, do you?”
  89. >You catch a flash of blush on the silvery face of your reluctant partner
  90. “That’s fine, takes all kinds, right?”
  91. >A smile crosses your face as you stroll onward, but the sound of steps following you ends abruptly
  92. >Turning slowly, you see Paddy standing motionless in place
  93. >Her eyes are wide and she seems to be staring into nothingness
  94. “Paddy? Hey, you OK?”
  95. >”S-s-something’s c-coming.”
  96. >You listen closely, but hear nothing
  97. >The sky is fairly serene and the moonlight shines brightly
  98. “What’s coming?”
  99. >A flash of a shadow speeds along the wall
  100. >You have enough time to completely miss anything identifiable about it
  101. >Paddy quickly runs to your side and hides as best she can behind you
  102. “What was that?”
  103. >”I-I don’t know, but it has a big soul.”
  104. >Paddy quivers against your leg and you try your best not to shake
  105. “It’s OK, I’m a meister and you’re my weapon. We’ll handle it.”
  106. >The frightened pony looks up to you with a worried expression
  107. >”I don’t know if I can, I never fought before!”
  108. >You have not either, come to think of it
  109. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. We were born to do this, right?”
  110. >Your words do not help Paddy’s resolve
  111. >A shining object gleams for a moment in the distance before speeding past your own face
  112. >You feel something nearly graze your cheek and hear a whizz of air as it passes
  113. >There is a moment of utter stillness as you peer about for your assailant
  114. >The silence breaks with a great roar as a figure jumps high overhead
  115. >”Yahoo!”
  116. “The hell?”
  117. >You look up into the night sky to see a boy with spikey, blue hair and a large grin plastered to his face
  118. >He lands a few feet away from you with a great thud on the hard ground
  119. >”For a meister, you’re pretty slow!”
  120. >His voice is unreasonably loud in the still night
  121. >”I’ve been making my rounds all day, bet you know all about how I’ve been challenging and crushing the new students all night!”
  122. >You raise your eyebrow slightly at this short loudmouth
  123. “I’m sorry, who are you?”
  124. >The simple question causes your assailant to lose any restraints he may have had
  125. >”What?! You don’t know who -I- am? I’m the person who’s going to surpass god! Me! Black☆Star!”
  126. “Well, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
  127. >You give the red-faced punk a quick smirk in good fun only to be rebutted by a fist to your chest
  128. >The force of such a hit, something you are not wholly used to, sends you sailing back a good two yards and you end up staring at the sky
  129. >Everything rings for the moment and sound is mostly garbled by a sloshing noise in your head
  130. >”Consider -that- my autograph and remember the name!”
  131. >To your credit, you stir from your prone position and cling to balance as best you can
  132. >”What the…? You are the first new kid to stand up after a punch.”
  133. >Black Star looks you over carefully before smiling
  134. >”Can you do it twice?”
  135. >His speed is incredible as he races toward you
  136. >There is no way to defend yourself from such ferocity as another punch connects with your gut
  137. >Again, you end up massively displaced from your original position
  138. >Lying on your back, staring at the wide grin of the moon, you wonder if this is considered “sporting”
  139. >Paddy rushes to your side and stands defiantly before you
  140. >”Why are you doing this!?”
  141. >Black Star stands triumphantly for the moment
  142. >”What? We’re just having a fight?”
  143. >Paddy looks over Black Star again and tenses up a bit
  144. >”Are you a student here?”
  145. >”Of course! The number one student!”
  146. >You hardly pull yourself up and sitting is painful
  147. >A warm, soft thing props you up and your dazed mind imagines it is your partner
  148. “Thanks, Paddy.”
  149. >Pas’d-ane looks over her shoulder to you and your mind registers where you left your body
  150. >A sweet, soft voice pipes up just above your head
  151. >”Oh, I hope you are OK. I have bandages if you are bleeding?”
  152. >You tilt your head straight back to see who is holding you up
  153. >Surprisingly, all you can see is a massive chest blocking the view
  154. >Not the worst obstruction, you think
  155. >Black Star folds his arms and smirks triumphantly
  156. >”Got to admit, you were the toughest new kid.”
  157. >You groan with a half-smile, not sure what the hell is going on
  158. >The pair of breasts above you speaks quickly
  159. >”This is just what he does, I’m sorry. He’s really not such a bad guy once you get to know him, I promise.”
  160. >You agree with the heaving chest before she stands to her feet
  161. >Having a good look now at the rest of her, she is clearly of some Asian persuasion with long, black hair and almost motherly eyes
  162. >”No serious injuries, but you may be sore for a little.”
  163. “Sore. Got it…”
  164. >You turn slowly as your weapon partner rushes up to you
  165. >”Um, Anon, we should be heading to our dorm. I can carry you, maybe?”
  166. >You get the strangest image in your head
  167. “N-no, it’s fine. I can walk.”
  168. >You really try to psych your legs out on that statement, but they are pretty wobbly still
  169. >Luckily, you are not more than a block from your home and manage to get in at the stroke of midnight
  170. >You stagger towards your couch before falling onto it and passing out
  171. >Friendship is rough stuff!
  172. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  173. >Day Exiled Are We Few on Earth
  174. >Be Pas’d-ane
  175. >You awake to a sunshiny morning on the strange realm of Earth in the stranger city of Death
  176. >Despite the name, Death City really is awfully pretty to view
  177. >The streets are well paved, the local creatures are friendly, and the academy is a work of art
  178. >You slowly climb down from your bed and lightly tip-hoof into the living room
  179. >Anon lays prone on the couch as he did last night
  180. >A disturbed sort of snoring rings from his throat, not unlike choking on an apple
  181. >You ignore it for the most part and decide that a good breakfast is in order
  182. >Opening the refrigerator, you find an egg, an open can of some fizzy drink, and enough milk for a very small mouse
  183. >How has Anonymous been living like this?
  184. >You try to think back to your training in Equestria on what the locals usually eat
  185. >Like some of the scarier animals from your home, meat is a staple to the Human diet
  186. >Even so, you see no meat or vegetables or bread to speak of
  187. >Maybe Anonymous is not even a Human and does not eat?
  188. >Without warning, the presence of something large appears behind you
  189. >You let out a shrill scream as something touches your back and nearly jump high enough to land atop of the counter
  190. >”Oh, hey, Paddy. You OK?”
  191. “Ha ha, of course! It’s only you…”
  192. >”Yes, just me. You are a nervous sort, aren’t you?”
  193. >You are certainly not nervous!
  194. >Just extremely cautious… Completely different
  195. >”I am starving, what are you up for this morning?”
  196. “There’s no food here.”
  197. >”Oh?”
  198. >Anon opens the refrigerator and looks about peculiarly
  199. >”Makes sense I guess. Haven’t bought food for like a week.”
  200. >You look at him curiously
  201. >”I know a nice place to get some breakfast if, um, if you eat like… Wait, what do you eat?”
  202. >You bounce your shoulders quickly
  203. “Lots of things. Fruits, veggies, bread, ohh! I would love some pancakes.”
  204. >Anonymous smiles widely for some reason with you
  205. >”Sure thing.”
  206. >In no time at all, you find yourself in a town full of Humans and shops, but mostly Humans
  207. >It is not to say that they are not as colourful as the ponies you remember from back home
  208. >They are, however, taller than you and their long legs from your low angle make it seem like they might step on you
  209. >”Well, here it is.”
  210. >Anon waves his hand through the air as if to announce the building’s arrival
  211. >You step through the doors and are instantly assaulted by the heavenly scent of baked goods
  212. >Your mouth waters as you eye every bit of bread and cake on display
  213. >Placing your order, Anon and you sit at a table by the window and you get a lovely view of the street
  214. >”Pretty nice day today, right?”
  215. “Yes, very lovely.”
  216. >You daydream of lovely days in Ponyville for the while
  217. >Before too long, your food appears and the kindly server offers you more water
  218. >Anonymous leaves no room for manners as he dives into his syrup drenched pancakes
  219. >Like some kind of debased animal, he slobbers food down as if he was starved
  220. >You grimace at his deplorable behaviour before cutting a neat triangle and expertly nibble at it
  221. >”Thish ish good!”
  222. >Anon speaks through a mouthful of food
  223. “Manners, Anonymous!”
  224. >You lose yourself as you raise your voice
  225. >He freezes in place with cheeks puffed wide and swallows quickly
  226. >”Heh, sorry. Guess I got carried away.”
  227. >A sigh slips from your throat and you attempt to apologize
  228. >The feeling of something oppressive suddenly takes hold of you and you are petrified
  229. >”Look, I said I’m sorry.”
  230. “S-something’s wrong.”
  231. >”Well, I suppose I should hold the fork like this…”
  232. >Without warning, a large club tears into the building
  233. >Tables, glass, and a few Humans are thrown by the force, if not smashed outright
  234. >Taking a look, you see a large creature, bipedal and with one eye in the center of its head
  235. >Its thick arms, round body and vagrant green skin tell you this creature probably does not like anyp0ny around here
  236. >”Huh, that’s different.”
  237. >Anon speaks apathetically, as if he had misplaced some trivial item
  238. “What is that? W-what’s happening?”
  239. >”I suppose it’s an ogre… Perhaps a cyclopes?”
  240. “But, what do -we- do?!”
  241. >You frantically speak as the beast lifts its club again and roars
  242. “Hmm, unsure. My first instinct is to kill it, we are students made for battle, after all.”
  243. >You shake your head violently
  244. “Second instinct! Second instinct!”
  245. >”Run?”
  246. >Without so much as a response, you begin dashing from your position
  247. >This is crazy, you think
  248. >The Princess did not say anything like this would happen!
  249. >You never even got to finish your pancakes!
  250. >A large wooden club slams down before you, completely blocking your current escape
  251. >You shriek and whirl back around to Anonymous
  252. >”So, plan A? Fight?”
  253. “I don’t know how!”
  254. >”Me neither, with a weapon, that is. Give it the ol’ academy try?”
  255. >Anon stretches his opened hand out to you
  256. >You look to the mad being in front of you as the beast roars behind you
  257. >With no other perceivable choice, you quickly put your hoof in his palm
  258. >A feeling grips you, warmth or safety
  259. >Your body transforms into a weapon as Anonymous’ soul begins to mingle with your own
  260. >”That’s an interesting feeling. You’re a little heavier than you look.”
  261. >A thunderous sound rings out as the heavy club smashes into the store again
  262. >Anon moves swiftly with speed you are sure is impossible
  263. >”What was that term for starting a duel?”
  264. >Anonymous sprints easily toward the beast and stares it down
  265. >It easily stands eight feet above him and dwarfs you completely
  266. “En garde, but, why…?”
  267. >”En garde!”
  268. >Anonymous lunges with you in his hand toward the behemoth
  269. >All things considering, you feel a surge of courage in you
  270. >Warm ichor spills out of the beast as Anon slices you through the air wildly
  271. >He lands with a ballerina’s grace and smirks
  272. >The showmanship from your partner is definitely enjoyable, but the beast will have none of it
  273. >It swings the club around again and nearly crushes you two
  274. >Anon, however, makes a dive and returns to his assault
  275. >”This is incredible! How are you doing?”
  276. “Fine, I’m actually fine!”
  277. >You chuckle a bit as the feeling of Anonymous’ soul holds tightly to your own
  278. >”We make a good team, yeah?”
  279. >Anon lands from his flurry again and quickly turns to face the monster
  280. >Despite ichor spilling from the beast and a hundred or so cuts, you do not think you are doing any real damage
  281. >”Hmm, you’ve gotten lighter.”
  282. >You are impressed to believe that Anon can be so dense as to not feel your soul against his
  283. “We -are- a good team.”
  284. >”Guess that nutty professor wasn’t wrong. So, his body feels tough. We should go for the throat.”
  285. >You wince at the implications, but you feel mighty in Anon’s hands
  286. >”Just be careful.”
  287. >Anon smirks
  288. >”That’s my middle name.”
  289. >He quickly speeds around to the monster’s back and runs nearly vertically up the spine
  290. >”What do you say when you kill the enemy?”
  291. “What? How should I know?!”
  292. >”You’re the weapon!”
  293. “Why does it matter?!”
  294. >Anon pivots from the monster’s back and dives with you outstretched
  295. >”Style -always- matters!”
  296. >With a whipping sound, you pierce the very neck of the monster and ichor spurts upward
  297. >Anon rests his knee triumphantly on the monster’s spine before pulling you free of the thick muscle
  298. >”Well, I think we…”
  299. >A large hand suddenly reaches up and snags Anon about the waist
  300. >The brute holds him tightly and you feel Anon’s pain as he is squeezed
  301. >With a gasp of air, you feel your two souls begin to separate as Anonymous loses his grip
  302. >You fall to the ground with a metal ringing sound before taking on your living form
  303. “Anonymous!”
  304. >The monster growls in the face of Anon and bares sharp, jagged teeth
  305. >A sudden flash catches your eye and you see a Human standing menacingly on a nearby rooftop
  306. >Two silvery weapons fit neatly in either hand and he points them at the monster
  307. >With a cold silence, two projectiles fire out and hit their mark on the beast’s head
  308. >It shakes for a moment before slumping to the ground
  309. >Anon falls from the monster’s limp fingers and rolls casually into the street
  310. >You race to him and look on at his injuries
  311. >”Hah… Knew we had it… Partner.”
  312. >Anon’s eyes close slowly as he passes out and you hold him closely
  313. >His body is warm and softer than it looks
  314. “Stay with me, Anonymous!”
  315. >Before your eyes, the monster’s body vapourizers and leaves behind a pale purple orb
  316. >The figure that defeated the beast descends on some type of flying skateboard
  317. >He quickly glances over Anonymous and yourself
  318. >”You two must be new.”
  319. “Y-yes, sir.”
  320. >The weapons in his hand begin to speak
  321. >”Oooh~, it’s so cute. Can we keep it, Kid?”
  322. >”No, Patty, can’t you see she is a weapon?”
  323. >”But, I never had a pony…”
  324. “Please, sir, is my meister going to be OK?”
  325. >He looks over to Anonymous again and scrutinizes
  326. >”I think he’ll live. I’ll get the school nurse to attend to his wounds. That was a pretty idiotic attempt to stop a cyclopes at his level.”
  327. >The second gun speaks quickly
  328. >”Kid, we need to take the soul back to Lord Death.”
  329. >”Yes, Father will be very interested in this.”
  330. >Without another word, Kid grasps the soul in his hand and flies off
  331. >You wait with Anonymous a while longer until rescue finally comes
  332. >Looking back towards the destroyed building and broken street, you wonder about a great many things
  333. >If this is life here, you think, did the Princess lie to you?
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