Conker's Bad Fur Day chapters speedrun route

Jotted down by Sayuri by watching WR a lot

Yell at me on the Conker speedrun discord if I noted something wrong https://discord.gg/vASJuMT

Remember to skip the cutscenes by tapping L.
CSP = Context-Sensitive Pad
CSA = Context-Sensitive Action
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- Talk to the asshole scarecrow
- Press B over the CSP. When the cutscene starts, pause and exit to the menu. Select Pan Handled
- Pull the lever at the top of the area
- Enter the door, skip the text, (pan)slap the key and grab it
- Slap the gargoyle
- Climb on the rock and use the CSP, then exit the level

- Grab the beehive and take it to the queen
- Use the CSP and kill all 4 beetles
- Enter the path to Barn Boys

- Talk to the box being stomped on by the "fatass bitch"
- Talk to the cheese gatekeeper
- Grab a piece of cheese (slap to stun)
- Bring it back to the mouse
- ^ Do that two more times

- Climb on top of the barn and grab the money
- Enter the barn and talk to Franky (the pitchfork)
- Get Franky to destroy all of the hay. Pull the lever and exit the barn
- Travel across the top of the barn and use the CSP to knife down Franky
- Do Barn Skip

- Haybot fight, try not to die
- Use the CSPs to get rid of all the electrical cables
- Exit the room

- Get on the monk's book, grab the money, and exit the barn
- Talk to the sunflower
- Get the bees:
 1. Bouncing crate
 2. Near the level entrance
 3. On top of the barn where you got the money earlier
 4. On the rim of the bucket on top of the barn
 5. Climb to the very top of the tall ladder and do the CSA. Then go to where the cheeses were and climb on top a wall to get the bees
- Get the money in the hallway beneath the moping king bee
- Talk to the sunflower again and bounce on her giant boobs to get the money
- Exit the level

- Enter the shack in the poo area then use the CSP
- Climb the ropes up to the entrance of the bull room
- Climb to the top of the room and activate the faucet for the shit juice
- Use the bull to kill 3 cows after they move to the center. When you kill the last cow, enter the hole while holding A+right

- If you miss the OOB then just swim down and get the money normally, it's near the bull
- Swim to the top and exit the shack
- Roll the ball of shit to crush the big beetle while being careful with the normal beetles
- Get the new ball of shit and roll it to the top of the hill in the hole
- Grab the money at the summit
- Grab another ball of shit and roll it to the fence
- Enter the next level in the lake

- Swim into the hole near the sea-dog
- Talk to the gay cogs
- Climb to the top of the tower, or do the upwarp (https://clips.twitch.tv/BashfulEndearingBaboonPunchTrees), and grab the money
- As you're going back down the tower, pull the lever
- Swim through the entrance of glowing water
- Slap the girl cog and bring it to the gay cog
- ^ Repeat this two more times
- Run on the spinner in the middle of the room
- Exit the tower

- Lead the catfish to the vault and enter
- Use the CSP and hit the letters in order: O, P, E, N
- Enter the hole
- Swim down while getting air bubbles to stay alive
- Get air from the light at the top then go through the blue hole and pull the lever
- Go through the green hole and swim to the light to get air
- Go through the yellow hole and to the top while getting air and avoiding the robot monster
- Fall through the hole

- Piss on the fire monsters
- Roll one ball on the pressure plate and the other down the path with the green monster, then exit

- Escape from the sea-dog then climb on top of it once it crashes to get the money
- Exit the level and enter the poo mountain
- Slap every piece of sweet corn and throw them all into the middle

- Throw the toilet paper rolls into his mouth, c'mon this is like the one part of the game everyone knows about :^)
- When you deal the last hit, go to where the glass wall was and grab the money then pull the lever
- Go through the revealed entrance at the bottom of the hole

- Swim through the passage and try to not die but fail and die anyways with the blades
- Climb to the top of the tower
- Enter the building and get the money
- Use the CSA on the statue
- Use the CSA again
- Roll the balled-up rock person down the path
- Enter the doorway to the right of the giant dinosaur head
- Go on top of the egg and use the CSA to break it
- Slowly guide the dinosaur Loopy through the path and through the door
- Use the CSP to hit the up arrow on the wall
- Guide Loopy onto the rock pad and use the CSP to hit the down arrow and crush him

- Go on the left nostril and use the CSA
- Go to the back of the giant dinosaur head you're on and grab the money
- Use the CSA on the opposite nostril
- Enter the room on the right again
- Kill yourself by jumping to the left
- Enter the door with the up arrow on it
- Guide the cavemen to the nightclub entrance and slap the rock people to get the cavemen to kill them
- Talk to the bouncer and enter the club

- Roll the rolled-up rock person to the entrance and on the pressure plate
- Get drunk and piss on the rock person closest to the middle hole, and piss on them into it
- Piss on the cavemen near where you got drunk and keep pissing until you're sober
- Enter the middle hole and roll the rock person to the pressure pad at the end of the path
- Get drunk again and piss on a rock people to get them into the last two holes
- Enter the left hole and grab the money
- Leave the club

- Take the bomb through the dinosaur head's throat and take the left path
- Platform to the other end of the room
- Deal with the horrendous racing controls while you probably die a lot. Slap all of the cavemen racers to recover your money
- Enter the gate when you got all your money

- Use the CSP and become friends with the dinosaur
- Kill all of the cavemen including the new ones that appear
- When the big caveman is about to hit you with his big bone, bite his dick then bite his ass
- ^ Repeat this two more times
- Leave

- Grab the money and go down the hole with the "Danger Poo" sign, then jump down the hole in the mighty poo room
- Go up around the middle of the mountain and glide to the money in the honeycomb hole, then enter the hive
- Get to the center and enter the mini beehive, start shooting the wasps
- When the wasps stop coming, exit the hive and wait for the cutscene that you'll skip
- Grab the hive and bring it to the queen bee again

- Go up the windmill path while avoiding the worms, talk to the barrel, and roll on it
- Go through the waterway and take the right path, pull the lever
- Talk to Greg then go through the big gates
- Kill all the zombies that appear while moving through the path to the door- climb on top of tombstones and shoot from there, that helps
- When the skippable cutscene plays, go through the door to the mansion

- As Bat Conker, find and drop 7 villagers into the crusher. Echo-locate near them, shit on them, then grab them and drop them in the crusher

- Perform Key Skip: (This skip saves around 6 minutes compared to doing the mansion normally. You have a lot of tries before you start losing time due to how much it saves, so don't worry if you don't always get it the first few tries)
- https://clips.twitch.tv/KawaiiStrangeCougarSmoocherZ - do the upwarp, get to the lever, pull the lever, get the key, take it to the mansion entrance, then get on the barrel and ride it outside

- Roll the barrel down the path and don't die
- When you reach the river, roll it up the incline and go through the exit
- Grab the money and leave
- Go back up the Hungover area and exit it
- Enter the doorway to It's War

- Move the metal crate to the left
- Go to the bathroom and use the CSA
- Push the TNT thing to the right through the minefield, while avoiding the spider mechs
- When it reaches the end, jump into the water and lead the electric eels through the loops
- Use the CSP in the center and destroy the TNT guy
- Get another TNT guy from the bathroom and push it to the left side this time while avoiding the bouncing crates
- When it reaches the end, jump into the water and use the CSP on the left side TNT guy
- Talk to the sergeant

- Go through D-Day and don't die, while heading towards the back area
- Use the CSA, shoot off the lock, and go in
- Kill all of the Tediz in the room you just entered
- When you finish that ^, proceed through the hallways, you can ignore the rest of the Tediz
- Enter the doorway to the surgery room

- Kill all the Tediz and pull both of the levers, then leave the room

- Climb onto the bookcase or whatever and use the CSP to kill the turret Tedi
- Kill all the Tediz with your machine guns. Or use the turret anyways, I'm not your mom
- The exit door will open when all the Tediz are gone, go in and take the left path's exit

- Kill the Tediz around Rodent
- Carefully lead Rodent through the path, don't go too far from him
- When you get to the part with the water, use the floating CSP and shoot off the things surrounding the door lock
- Exit the CSP when done, and go to Rodent; kill all the Tediz around him

- Use the tank to shoot a hole through the cement wall, and enter
- Go through the hallway of toxic shit, pull the lever, then go back
- Enter the tank again and take it through the path while using the CSAs on the inclines and shooting down the objects with warning tape
- When you get past the second incline, shoot down the middle tower and enter the hole

- Go to each of the four corners and use the CSPs to destroy the submarines
- Talk to the Excorcist ripoff girl when you finish ^
- Destroy the giant Tedi robot. Destroy its guns, knock off the girl, fire at its back, repeat.
- Enter the hole that appears when the countdown starts

- Crawl under the slanted fence and make a run toward the end

- Grab chocolate if you don't have at least 4 pieces already
- High jump into the destroyed windmill
- Enter the bank and begin the heist
- Use the CSAs to kill the weasel guards when they appear
- Head forwards when the heist finishes

- Slap and grab the money, cutscene skip
- Pull the lever and get in the suit
- Avoid Heinrich's attacks, then punch him multiple times and grab + throw him out the airlock
- ^Repeat two more times

Time ends when you throw Heinrich out for the last time.