For my experiment in Positive deviance I chose to hand out change to ten people. This is because I have given out free hugs, and I tend to compliment people on a daily basis. I come from a very extroverted family and this type of behavior isn’t odd for me. I am very comfortable talking to others and complimenting them. However the idea of handing out change made me nervous, and I decided that if I really wanted to move beyond my comfort zone with this experiment it had to be handing out change to strangers.
To understand this experiment I have to explain several things, perspectives, the idea of the self, role taking, defense mechanisms, impression management and many others, so I am going to explain them as I discuss the experiment. The definition of the situation is understanding the “self”, and how people act towards safeguarding it, and also how one interacts with others in the same situation and the motives behind it. (pg 145) My definition of the situation is that it is borderline wrong, or weird to give change out to people who aren’t asking for it to begin with. So going into this experiment I had a wall already on the basis that I felt it was wrong. In Tamotsu Shibutanis theory on reference groups and self control, he discusses the idea of perspective as “an organized view of one’s world, what is taken for granted about the attributed of objects, of events, and of human nature […] One of the most important things one can know about a person is what he takes for granted” (pg 148). What I take for granted may not always be the same as another person, but in small communities or so called “provincialisms” people tend to have similar outlooks or perspectives.

These students are my reference group, my audience. I am acting for them, to uphold my status among them.  Shibutani describes a reference group as a “group whose presumed perspective is used by an actor as the frame of reference in the organization of his perceptual field” (pg 149). This means that an audience that I “act” for are a group of people that have similar values and ideas are attributed to it.
When I say “act” for a particular group, I am referring to impression management. Erving Goffman came up with this theory that explains how people interact with one another, and themselves trying to manage the impressions people have. He uses an analogy to convey the idea that people act onstage, playing a role and putting up a front for a formal audience.  Backstage is how one would act with people they know, letting their guard down, being themselves. And self monitoring is when they pretend to not notice others faults and playing along with the charade. These stages are all done on a daily basis, we all act differently within our different groups, family, friends, acquaintances, etc. We try to leave the impression we want to leave with groups. We try to fit the role we think they want to see. I have been a big part of clubs on campus, and was on student senate and active with school activities.  I know a lot of people, and for them to see me doing this experiment was awkward. I don’t know if embarrassment was the right word, but a mixture of that shame would be a more accurate description of how I felt.
To continue with this experiment I had to give up some self control, because the normal “me” does not hand out change to random passersby.  Self control in this sense is when a person thinks about the different outcomes of a situation and chooses a point of action, as well as choosing an action that maintains the respect people have for them as well as the respect they have for themselves. (145 ) This experiment definitely doesn’t improve my status in my reference group. If anything it makes them question my grasp of society.  I can only imagine what other peoples perspectives are, if the roles were reversed I would believe that people handing out change, were odd, and maybe a little out of touch with society. I expect people to act in a rational way, as others expect the same for me.
To begin, I planned what I was going to do, hand out a dollar in dimes and nickels, and I would do it earlier in the morning so that there weren’t as many people out in the quad. As I was walking towards the quad I singled out my first person, it was a girl sitting underneath one of the umbrellas. My heartbeat seemed to increase with every step nearer to the table, and I felt silly, nervous, but most of all tension. Why should this be so difficult I thought? I was 4 feet away when she noticed me, I stopped and just smiled stupidly at her, and she stared back at me. I got hot all of a sudden and I could feel my face turning a crimson red, my hand still in my pocket with the change. I stood there for a good 5 seconds, and decided I could not hand her change. So I just said I thought she was someone from my class and I wanted to know if we had homework, and apologized for my mistake.
I walked away feeling disappointed in myself for not being able to hand her change. I went into the campus center and relaxed for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts. I figured I would try again on the bridge as I went to my class. I figured I would be walking one way and many other people would be walking the other way, increasing the distance between us faster.
I began trekking across the bridge and I tried to single someone out. I could feel my heart in my throat, and I saw a guy by himself walking fast across the bridge, and as I got closer I looked at him and he smiled, the distance was getting smaller and I pulled the change out of my pocket and held my hand out. He put his hand out and we briefly stopped as I dropped a handful of change in his hand. He looked at his hand questioningly and I wanted to stand there and tell him why, but I had to pull myself away and try not to apologize. I looked back quickly and he was still standing there so I walked away faster. After that I was instantly relieved. I felt so much better for having started the task. The pressure on my chest had been lifted, I decided that I could do it again, and I did after again on the bridge. I still was anxious the second time around as before but not as extreme. However I decided that the next people should be sitting down, I felt that was my original goal and I wanted achieve it. So I staked out the quad, feeling a little anxious I went over to a table with a girl and I handed her a dollar in nickels and dimes and I left, I could hear her mumble something, but I walked away as quickly as I could. I did this several more times. My final person I saw by the smoker’s bench, and I walked over to them counting out the change in my hand, I got up close enough to hand them the money, but I lost my footing and some of the change fell out. I was quite mortified, and probably turning the brightest shades of red that I could possibly muster, I picked up the change and I handed it to them. They looked quite stunned, and I had never felt better; even if that meant making a fool out of me. I was done with the experiment and I could breathe freely again, without this burden on my chest.
The way I acted can be explained by Scheff’s theory.  Emotionally motivated behavior is the way people act toward a situation (caused by either inside or outside forces) based out of emotions. I felt above all anxious, distressed, embarrassed when I handed out change. My defense mechanisms where in the underdistance category, I have never been able to be unmoved by emotion; especially in uncomfortable situations.  I chose the bridge after my first blow to my self esteem, because it seemed like it would be easier to pass money to someone as they were walking away from me, and I them. I needed an easy way out to build my self esteem back up. I feel anxious and a little overwhelmed when my self esteem takes a blow. I panic and retreat as fast as possible.  In normal situations I am what Scheff describes as an esthetic distance, acting rationally to most situations that arise in daily life. I may fluctuate sometimes, I might never go all the way underdistance, but I do tend to lean toward it when I am up against an awkward situation (157). Thank you for assigning this, I learned a lot about myself, how I react to certain situations I am uncomfortable with in the sense of the self, and the generalized other. I can truly say this was an amazing experiment.