Thread 7: Stories 75-90

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>Luna
"Chrysalis"
[???]
~~~~~~

>Chrysalis.

"ACK! WHAT!?... Oh, hey Luna! Come to check out my dreams again? Wish you had given me a heads up, I would have cleaned the place up!... Also probably wouldn't be wearing this school girl outfit... while you're here, I know you only got a glimpse, but was that pretty close to how a professor lools? I know I'm not looking at him during, but I like the authenticity, you know?"

>We feel a great deal if irritation towards you.

"Tuesday already?"

>Your little minions painted a ghastly smiling visage upon our backside.

"Hah! Those little scamps."

>ON YOUR ORDERS!

"You can't prove that!"

>We found these crudely drawn plans.

"...You win this round, basic reasoning."

>We do not take kindly to such mockery! As such, we shall punish thee in the place thou cannot defend! We shall rent unto you thine own worst fears! BEHOLD! YOUR NIGHTMARE MADE REAL! AHAHAHAHAHAH!

A crack of lightning split the room, covering the entire area in a thick fog. Only by peering as hard as she could, could Chrysalis see the two glowing white eyes within.

[Ohhhh, Chrysalis.]

"...Wait a minute, is that...?"

From the mist, a tall, regal and very deadly looking Changeling stepped forth. Hate and scorn filled her eyes as she peered down at the still sitting Queen.

[My Daughter. The one I felt such pride for... How could you be such a disappointment?]

"...Mom?"

[If I had known you would be this much of a failure, I would have devoured you in your-]

"MOMMY!"

[...Wha-HEY!]

Like a giant overgrown puppy, Chrysalis had wrapped herself around her dream mothers leg.

"MOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY! You're here! Ohhhh, I have so much to tell you! I met a guy, he's married too by the way so yeah got that going for me, I'm living in a castle and there's a mech and 42's really strong and 18's really smart and there is SO MUCH WINE to drink and and and-"

>...This is not going as we planned.

"Oohhh, it's so cool! You really should meet Shiny, well, dream Shiny real Shiny is not here-"

[I hate you!]

"Awww, I know Mommy! Don't worry, I already ate your heart, you don't need to-"

>WHAT!?

"DO YOU MIND I AM TALKING TO MY MOTHER!"

As the Queen babbled her indecipherable gibberish to her dumbstruck specter of a mother, Luna decided that now, right now in fact, would be the time to cut her losses and escape before she learned anything else.

"No I didn't kill his wife she's actually kind of cool we dress up sometimes do I have to kill her there weren't any rules on that but I reallyreally want Shiny but she can super charge me I know you killed Dad's wife but it's kind of different and I kind of want to keep her oh mommy I'm so happy-"

She had learned her lesson, Luna was sure.
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>Spike
[Charity voiced by Spike]
~~~~~

Spike gets out of the hospital bed and stands in front of the Mirror with revolver Charity in his holster. He quickly draws Charity, holsters her, and draws her again.
[Darling, do we really have to do this? You need to stay off that leg]

>I gotta stay sharp and practice. Leg or not, a split second could mean the difference between life and death.
He continues to practice drawing and holstering.

[The doctors aren't going to like this you know?]

>They can suck a lemon.

[If I had eyes, I'd be rolling them.]

>Well, I can roll the scope. Does that count as an eye?

[Ha ha...funny]

>I don't feel good just sitting here doing nothing. I should ask for a wheelchair and get back to work.

[No...that's a bad idea...and you know it.]

>The princesses rely on me to make sure they're on task. I should be with them helping with the work.

[Spike, sweetie, you're too young to be stressing out over this.]

>Are you calling me a baby?

[That's not what I mean. You should be living out your childhood. Instead you're just...working it away. You're so serious.]

>My work keeps this country running.

[Your work is making you grow up too fast!]

>Psh, you weren't there when I hit my growth spurt.

[But I'm here for you now and I say don't stress about work and sleep it off]

>(mockingly) Don't stress and sleep it off. I can sleep when I'm dead.

[You know what? You ARE a baby! A baby dragon, whose scales couldn't stop a bullet! Whose bones are so weak that it shattered! Stop pretending your leg doesn't hurt and go to bed!]

>Shut up! SHUT UP!
Spike angrily throws Charity out the window.

>...Oh no...Ch-Charity?! Nurse! NURSE!
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>Are ya'll drunk?

"No, dear Applejack, I have not so much as touched anything alcoholic since we all woke up piled atop a half suffocated Shining Armor and covered heavily in what I can only assume was shared vomit."

>...That was pretty fun, though.

"As one of the two of our group who did not offer to "shex" Shining Armor, I could see why you would think that."

>Anyway, had a question. Are ya' just stupid in that case?

"One of these days, I will snap and just start beating you. I do not know when I will stop."

>Best o' luck with that. But Mah point is, Ah'm noticin' most of our guards main weapons are spears.

"...Yeah?"

>Do ya'll... They ain't unicorns.

"So?"

>Fer land's sakes, HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TA' HOLD SPEARS AND MOVE!?

"...Huh. In their mouths?"

>Well, that would jus' work FANTASTIC if a spear was some kind o' knife they could strafe and enemy with and cut them. But they ain't. It's a spear. It has a little pointy thing at the end of a long stick. In order to point the pointy part towards tha' enemy, they would have ta' be lookin' AWAY from the enemy. Or holdin' it in a hoof, renderin' them unable ta' maneuver. See the problem?

"...Well, when you put it like that... But we can't afford swords, those are expensive."

>Ah already solved it. Jus' put one o' those little two dollar clips on the side of their armor. Works fine.

"...So you didn't really need to tell me all that, did you?"

>Somebody had to, Tia. Somebody had to.
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>Cadence
"Chrysalis"
'SA'
[18]
~~~~~~~

>FUCK YOOOOU!

"Fine, get up on the table. Shiny, could you scooch back a bit? She looks like she kicks."

'That joke got stale after the third time.'

"New material is hard."

>STOP IGNORING ME!

"Damn, she's right. We are totally messing up this three way. We need more communication, that's that we need. Cadence, move next to me real close so Shiny can give us both some attention. That way neither of us feel ignored!"

>I WILL RUIN YOU WITH MY ANGER!

"Wow, so forceful! Always the sweet and dainty ones, isn't it?"

'Why do you keep giving her ammo? She's not going to stop, she's in the zone.'

"It's a fun feeling, you should try being in my zone sometime."

'You see? She does that to me all the time.'

"And he loves it! Especially when I have my back turned to him like this. Some ponies may call it a little impersonal, but I think he likes the fact he can make whatever expression he wants without me seeing. That and he can openly stare at my ass."

>CHRYSALIS!

"Little early to be calling my name out, isn't it? We've barely started!"

>I... I WILL...

"Wow, talk about a short fuse on this one! We've barely done anything, and she looks like she's about to-"

*POP!*

"..."

'...S-sweetie?'

>...Eeeeee...

Oblivious to the strange silence of the room, 18 happily trots in with a stack of papers floating on one side, and a tub of ice cream on the other.

[DONE! Woo, glad I got a bit of a sugar kick from this. Needed it to finish the all-nighter. Hey, if you see Cadence, tell her I-OH! Cadence. You're here. Sorry about this, but I really needed a...]

>...

[...Is... how did... Did you break your horn in half?]

"..."

'...'

>...C-call Twilight.
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>12
"Doctor"
~~~~~
"Well, Mr. 12, we could always use help at the hospital here. I just hope you're not squeamish or easily startled."

>Me? Nah, I'm not surprised by anyth-

Charity hits him on the head and clatters to the ground.

>*Squeals like a girl* I'm down! Get a doctor! Someone call an ambulance! My legs! Oh, merciful, dark gods, it blew holes in my legs!

"... Sir, those holes were already there."

>...

"And it didn't even misfire. It's a revolver."

>... I failed this interview, didn't I?

"I'm sorry, Mr. 12."
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>Twilight
"Cadence"
'Rarity'
[Dash]
{Shining}
~~~~~
>Thread by thread, stitching them back on~!

'Twilight, darling, don't you think I've suffered enough irony lately?'

>[No]

'Just a thought'

{Hey, Twily!}

>Shiny!

Twilight drops what she's doing (and Rarity's right wing) to run up and hug Shining Armor

>Hey, BBBFF! How're you? You never visit my lab.

Dash gestures to all the signs of disturbing experiments and rolls her eyes

[Gee, why is that?]

{Besides being busy as hell and 42 trying to keep me locked up where the sun doesn't shine and planning my revenge on whoever tried to kill my DM?}

>Point.

{Anyway though, I wish this was a social call but...}

Cadence walks in.

>Yikes, how did that happen?

"I screwed up the apple family tradition."

>Ouch. Take a number and let Shiny sign you in and I'll get to work once I'm done with Rarity.

Cadence takes a ticket that reads '2'. Looks up at the sign that says 'now serving: 1'

"..."

She looks hesitantly at Shiny who's filling out medical documents then settles on Rainbow Dash.

"Psst..."

[huh?]

Cadence holds up her ticket while pointing at the 'now serving' sign.

"Am I next?"
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>Spike
"Applebloom"
'Scootaloo'
-Sweetie Belle-
~Babs~
~~~~~
Spike, finally discharged from the hospital, is now on home rest, back in Ponyville.

Yeah.

Rest.

"Spike, is it true you an' mah sister're goin' out?!"

>Um-

-He hesitated! That means he still loves Rarity!-

>Sweetie-

'Blech! I don't care about his romantic life! I heard you became a top-class assassin for the princesses!'

~Yeah, is it true you got shot in the line of duty, protecting Appklejack from a sniper?~

>Actually-

"Ya'll were savin' mah sister? Oh, Spike, thank you, Ah don' know what we woulda done wit'out Applejack!"

>That's it! I'm going out to get some fresh air!

Spike opens the door and sees a crowd of screaming and excited fillies, including Silver Spoon holding up a banner with his face on it.

Spike closes the door

>On second thought, I'm taking a nap.

'Can you show me how to shoot other ponies too?'

*POP!*

*Clang!*

*Wobble wobble wobblewobblewobwobwob*

"His stern!"

~His rudder!~

-His butt!-

'It's replaceable! Like a tire!'

>Right, this is why I moved back to Canterlot.

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>AJ56
“Spike”
__________

A mischievously grinning Changeling popped up on the side of Spike's hospital bed, prodding the snoozing dragon with a hoof.

>Spiiiiike… hey, Spike. Wake up, bro, I got something for ya!

“Mmmnn, oh Applejack, ah~… right there, baby, right there, nnnngh….”

>…

“No, leave the horn, I like the horn….”

>Yeah, too freaky for me.

*smack!*

“OW! Hey, who the- 56? What… what’re you doing here? And why do you have 10’s camera…?”

>You’re missing out on a verifiable paradise of plot holed up in this joint, Spike, so I thought I’d brighten up your day! And I borrowed her camera.

“Borrowed. Right. Is that what they call ‘stealing’ nowadays?”

>It’s what they call ‘don’t leave your stuff unattended!’ Anyways, here, check out this album I made for ya. I call it 'plot in repose', or whatever. Just look and get happy.

“...is that…?”

>Luna? Suuuuure is.

“Wow. That diet isn’t going so well, is it?”

>About as well as 12 finding a job. Next!

“...how in the hell did you manage to catch Celestia face-down and plot-up like that?”

>Easy. Put some cake on the floor. I didn’t think I’d get the shot but she just kinda… fell into that form on her own. Weird, right? Next!

“Hold up, hold up… is that…?”

>Applebutt with frosting on her rump? Why yes, yes it is!

“H-how did you trick her into that one?”

>Trick? Naw, she pretty much did that herself once she caught me and found out what I was doing.

“…”

>Next!

“NO! I m-mean, no… I… let it stay there for a moment. And, uh, leave the room.”

>What? I can’t leave now, I had to pull a Metal Gear Pony to get in h-

“NURSE REDHEART THERE’S AN INTRUDER!”

>...oh, you miserable little-

In the span of three blinks, Nurse Redheart had come charging into the room, glared the stuttering Changeling down, and then escorted him out, nagging his ear off as she slammed the door behind her.

Spike anxiously fiddled with the camera, working the zoom function until he could make out the entire picture, including the adorably shy way Applejack glanced over her shoulder at the viewer, that blush of hers causing Spike to bite into his lower lip.

“Whoever shot me… you have no idea how badly I’m thanking you right now.
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>AJ 18
"AJ 2"
~~~~~~

>How the heck did I get stuck with babysitting?

"Cause Shiny says Ah'm not allowed within 'Blast radium' of Auntie Twilight's lab, whatever that means."

>For the thirteenth time, blast RADIUS! Why do you answer every time I ask that question? It's rhetorical!

"Cause I keep messin' it up, but don't just wanna ask."

>...Ugh.

"Oh! Hey! This is jus' like when Not-Mom plays with Shiny! You want me to mess up yer' papers?"

>NO!

"Not-Mom says that means ya' want me to."

>Our Queen is a mistaken on a great many, many things. This is one of them. I need to do this so that the Empire doesn't collapse in on itself, so that we can...

"...Ya' can what?"

>...You know what? Some days I wake up, and I don't even know anymore. All I know is I have to do this so Shiny doesn't work himself to death again.

"Cause ya' like him?"

>...Yes, Two. Because I like him.

"Yay! I like him too! Shiny's the best."

>He kind of is, Two. He kind of is.

"Well, since ya' gotta do the paperwork, can I pretend ta' mess up yer' papers? I won't really! Jus' pretend!"

>Fine, two.

"Yay!"

She hops up onto the one uncluttered corner of the desk.

"Rubbing my butt on 18's paaapers!"

>...You are picking up some bad habits.

"Whoosh! I'm laying down on all yer' papers and shaking my booty in yer' face!"

>...Want to play Candyland?

"YAY CANDYLAND!"

Thankfully, she rushed off without questioning it, off to go and get her well-worn board and leaving behind a flinching 18.

>...Never do that again, Two, never do that again.
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>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~

>Chrysalis, thank you for coming to see me.

"Make it snappy Twi-brite, I have many, many important and vital things to do!"

>No you don't.

"Today, Twi-bite, today."

>You mean Touche'.

"This hair is all natural, thank you!"

>...Ugh.

"So, why an art museum of all things? This another boring nerd thing?"

>No... sort of. Chrysalis, do you remember when I asked for a little bit of your blood, because I said I was having "Second thoughts" about the clone thing?

"How's that going, by the way?"

>I lied. I just wanted some Queen Changeling DNA.

"BETRAYAL! How dare you deceive me!? Totally uncalled for!"

>...Anyway, while examining your blood, I noticed, and this kind of shocked me, Pony DNA inside of it.

"Pfft, duh."

>...Ignoring that. My point is, after cross referencing everything I had on file, magically breaking down the DNA and listing individual components, I think I've made a startling discovery!

"What's that?"

>Chrysalis... This pony in the picture behind me, I think he's-

"Oh hey! It's dad! Hi dad!"

>...Wow. That was eighty hours I'm not getting back. So you know your father was a unicorn named Trotiston, and that he was the duke of the land east of Fillydelphia?

"Nope. Kind of neat information, though."

>...Kind of neat. You just... anyway, the reason I wanted to show you this is that I think you might need a bit of, well, clarity. Do you see the mare next to him?

"Eeeeeeh, six out of ten? Are we gauging on personality too?"

>Chrysalis, that was his wife. She died under 'mysterious circumstances' shortly before giving birth. I think... I she was never pregnant at all, and that your mother-

"Killed her and replaced her, yep!"

>...

"..."

>...Yep.

"Fine, "Correct!" fucking eggheads are so technical."

>I tell you your mother killed and took the place of someone, and you say "yep".

"I corrected myself!... Hah! Corrected. There's a word for why that's clever, probably."

>You see nothing wrong with this.

"Should I?"

>No reason your mother shouldn't have done this?

"...Are you asking if I don't want to exist? Cause I do. I like existing. Existing's fun."

>Well, okay, I mean besides that!

"You can't just "besides" me existing, Twilight. That's the big bootied hurdle you're just not making it over. Either my mom gets rid of whats-her-face, plays "Mountin' Glory" with stupid up there and history is made, or I don't be in this realm of existence. One or the other."

>So... no big revelation? You don't even feel bad for him?

"Pfft, no! His monologues sucked! And he threw a torch like a little sissy. You know how much he sucked? He couldn't even beat a four year old Changeling. How he made it this far without a toddler taking him out, got no idea."

>...Huh.

"Yeah! Shoot, I need to tell you that story sometime. Was great, first time me and my mom every fought together! Ohhh, the good times. Anyway, anything else you wanted to show me?"

>Don't you feel bad?

"Bout what?...Oh! Yeah, I kind of, well... nah. That's a bit too embarrassing."

>What?

"Sorry Nerdorama, that ones staying locked up in the old vault. But I'll give you a clue! You, and Shiny I guess, are very very happy it happened."

>What?

"See ya! By picture-dad! You suuuuck!"

She trotted off so happily, so carefree, that Twilight could not bring herself to stop her.

>...Well, shoot. There goes that plan.

Thoughtfully, she looked up at the picture again.

>Wonder what she meant...
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>Cheerilee
"Mayor Mare"
'AJ 29'
~~~~~~~

>Hello? I'm here for my appointment?

'...Go on in? Are you waiting for something?'

>Oh! You mean, she actually knows about it this time? My, this is new.

'Yeah, guess the old girl had some sort of habit and couldn't write legible. Thine horrible addictions of the soul! Be ye' of substance or of big, beautiful royalty!...

>...

'Whatever, just go on in.'

>Thank you, Mister...

'Mister please stop distracting me, filing chitin is a delicate procedure.'

>...Oh! Okay, sure.

With that, she walks inside as much, much cleaner office than she remembers.

>Mayor! So nice that you could see me. Wow, this is all rather nice, actually.

"Right? It's amazing what a bit of organizing does! All that guy does is make sure my scheduling is done and takes care of some of the small stuff, and I'm normally done by two! Not too hard on the eyes, either."

>Glad your... odd hiring choice worked out. But more to the point, I'm worried about this new school budgeting.

"Cheerilee, I'll be blunt with you. That's all we can scrounge up. With the cakes and Rarity gone, a lot of income went with it, so we're all making cutbacks."

>Can't you find a little more? This isn't going to cover all of the textbooks.

"Sorry, Cheer. You know I would if I could."

>Oh... alright, I'll make due. Thanks for seeing me.

"Thank you for not sicking the demons on me."

>Oh, don't be silly... they know better than to leave the school. Have a good day.

"You too."

She's a little slumped as she leaves, but as her mind races trying to figure out how to make it all work, she doesn't notice a pair of eyes following her as she exits.

She also doesn't hear the annoyed sigh of distaste just before the door shuts.

~~~~

Two scant mornings later, Cheerilee finds herself walking through the Mayors doors yet again.

>Oh, thank you Mrs Mayor! I can't believe it!

"...Beg pardon?"

>Where ever did you find the funding for this? This is enough to actually make the additions I've always wanted!

Before the Mayor could make yet another gawking noise of confusion, the answer came from the other room.

'Oh, there was a town expansion project from about six years back, before Princess Twilight came to town even, that was abandoned. The money was tied up due to legal work with the projects co-funders, but it just took a quick bit of paperwork to untangle all the red tape. SO annoying!'

>...Oh! Thank you so much!

'Don't thank me, Mayor signed the stuff needed.'

"...I did?"

>Well, thank you both so much! I'll put it to good use, I assure you!

'Whatever.'

She ignored his flippant attitude, and was practically walking on air as she left.

"...Why?"

'It's my job, isn't it? Applejack said she'd hurt me if I didn't do it right. Oh, what uncouth behavior! To threaten a beauty such as I!'

"Oh... yes, I suppose so. I'll tell her you're doing well in my next report."

'And yea' I dodge another bullet. Figuratively, and possibly literally.'

A burst of green magic shuts the door, and he finally allows himself to rub his sore and aching hooves.

'You better appreciate this, little cousin.'

He sighs dramatically again.

'You may be an uncultured little insect who goes after any commoner's plot, but you at least deserve an education. At LEAST enough to understand the glory of royalty."

Seeing no point in filing his hooves anymore, he resigns himself to doing just a bit more work before he leaves.

But just a bit.
~~~~~~~~~~

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>Applejack
"Robot Shining Armor"
'Various'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJqEGxlNHSQ
~~~~~
"*BZZT!* Greet-ing-s Princess Dirt Pony! Might I join you in the *BZZT* showers so you may pre-sent your fat, vulnerable, stab-worthy back?"

>... Ya'll realize ya ain' foolin' no one, righ'? An' ya'll 're gonna need WAY more than that knife ta even knock me out.

"*BZZT!* ERROR! MISSION *BZZT* COMPROMISED! INITIATING RECOVERY SUBROUTINES! I do not under-stand what you mean, Princess Mud Peasant. I am Shine*BZZT*ing Armor, loyal guard of Princess Senile"

>This is jus' an' insult to mah intelligence

"MOMENT OF VULNERABILITY DETECTED! INITIATING EXECUTION.EXE!"

The poorly made robot double of Shiny begins to stab Applejack with a knife taped to its hooves.

The blade promptly breaks on Alicorn hide.

"ERROR! ERROR! PRIMARY WEAPON SYSTEMS DISABLED-"

Applejack slams the robot against the wall

>listen here, ya bucket o' bolts, Ah ain' nearly as dumb as whoever sent you thinks. So Ah'm only givin' ya once chance: WHICH ONNA YA'LL FUCKERS SHOT SPIKE?!"

"... *BZZT* SECONDARY WEAPON SYSTEMS: ONLINE"

The robot's mouth opens to reveal a gatling gun which Applejack cuts off with her own magical barrier.

Just in time to notice a rocket launched from the machine's back.

Applejack rises up, unscathed but blown back through several walls.

>Oh... Ya'll shouldn' have done that!

Applejack charges, physically and magically shrugging off every attack from the robot.

Later...

A smoldering robot head and scrap remains are tossed down in front of Twilight during a meeting with Celestia and Luna.

>Twi, ah hope this ain' onna yer designs 'cause Ah've had bowel movements that gave me more trouble.

Meanwhile, in the clouds above Apploosa...

'The assassin failed, brother.'

'Curses! Maybe we needed to load it up with more guns?'

'Perhaps we need to point our guns elsewhere. Set course for Ponyville.'
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>42
"Various Changelings"
~~~~~

>...None of you all shot Spike, right?

"The Queen already asked us that!"

"And we said no."

"How are we supposed to fire guns with holes in our legs anyway?"

"Could we shoot through the holes?"

"That's stupid! I mean, you're right, but it's still stupid."

"You're stupid!"

"I KNOOOOOHOHOHOHOOOW! Why must you all be so cruel to my failings! I had no education, no chance at a real life! I am but a juggler, so I must juggle away my woes."

Amidst a sad violin, he begins to juggle.

"... That is some really good music."

"Thanks! I changed into a pony who knows how to play it."

"But you look the same?"

"I changed... in my heart."

"Whoa. Really?"

"Nah, found a "how to" tape inside a garbage can. I found it informative."

"Oh! Right! 42, you had a question... she's gone?"

"She left a little note here."

'Don't worry, you are all officially off the suspect list. You couldn't shoot a gun. There is not quirky idiom there, you simply are too inept to wield a firearm. Please put 55 out, and be good.'

"...GOD DAMN IT 55!"

"I kind of like the tingling now!"
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~
>Hey, Princess, can Ah ask ya somethin'?

"Of course, but do not mind me while I stretch and warm up in the meantime."

Celestia begins doing various warm up exercises.

>Well, Ah jus' wanted to know, in light o' Spike gettin' shot an' all, who all do we have in tha way o' our law enforcement an' criminal justice system? Ah don' think Ah really seen tha guard do much more than block doors.

"... we... Really don't have much of a police force, to be honest. Or Criminal justice system."

>Ya mean...?

"I've been relying on the inherently good nature of ponies for a long time now."

>...

"..."

>All warmed up?

"Yep."

Celestia opens up the window and leaps out, performing a series of elaborate spins, flips, and somersaults in mid-air before crashing to the ground.

All five feet below.

"Why didn't you tell me we were on the first story?"

>Ya jus' seem ta put yer heart so into that ah didn' wanna depress ya any further.
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>18
"42"
'Cadence'
~~~~~

>I said hold it!

"I am holding it!"

>HOLD IT HARDER!

It was at this moment that Cadence wondered if she should continue on, into the seldom use dance studio. She had been planning to practice her techniques to stay in shape for the next Gala, but...

>Okay, and a one and a two-DAMN IT!

"You need something to get a better grip."

>THIS IS HARD, OKAY!

"So don't do it!"

>It's one of the few things I haven't tried yet! Now HOLD!

"Okay. Swing more with your hips."

>Don't tell me how to do this! I've studied!

"...Please don't make me think about that."

With a deep, resigned sigh, she opened the door.

>...

"..."

'...Well... that's the true sign of friendship, isn't it?'

>...What?

'18, I'm going to be blunt with you. You will never find a better friend, than the one who will hold up your stripper pole so that you can practice.'

>...I pulled it out of it's holding, and I broke it.

'I can see that, 18... Can I have a turn?'

"Please no."

>Well, sure! We can practice together!

'Goody! Now, you were saying you studied some technique?'

>Yep! Went to every strip club. Okay, what you've gotta do is-42! Hold it steady!

'Steadiness is important!'

"...I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'm sorry."

'Aaaand, twirl! Whoops!'

"I'm so, so sorry."
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