>This experience has taught me something, don't fall too hard for a girl and invest too much time and energy in her. She may not appreciate it eventually. As much as I would like to clear the air with her, it probably won't be appropriate since she has chosen to seize all communication with me.

I think you are misunderstanding the whole situation. This situation is rather common actually.

Basically what happened was, she pretended to be close to you to get you to fall for her. When you treated her to meals, did she say no? Of course not. Did she treat you back? Probably not. When you bought her presents, did she say no, or express any dis-sastisfaction? No right? I bet she was really happy and gushed about how "oh you shouldn't have!" but accepted them anyway right?

The reason why she never said no wasnt that she was "too shy", but that she wanted them all in the first place. Free meals, why not? Free gifts, why not?

Now the reason why she broke off all contact with you was simple : you wanted committment. She didn't. She wanted an open, one sided relationship...the kind where you woo her with gifts and benefits, while she accepted them but didn't need to recipocrate because you two were "only friends" and "friends do this kind of stuff all the time what!" (but of course she didn't buy YOU presents or meals did she?).

Again, let me stress this, this is really common and you need to learn to read between the lines. Here are some tips :

-NEVER buy a girl a meal, or random presents. A simple present for her birthday, sure, but that's the same kind of stuff you would do for any friend, regardless of gender. Materialistic women have created this stereotype that you need to woo them with material benefits in order to get them to fall for you...THIS IS A TRAP.

What really happens is thatshe will be accepting presents and free meals from multiple suitors (you were definately not the only guy), but avoiding committment as much as possible until she decides on the "best catch". If any of the guys complain that she's not returning her affections, she will pull the "eh, who ask you to try and bribe me to get into my pants???" card. This is a very convenient excuse for materialistic women. If you don't buy her stuff, she will say oh it's your fault, you never showed me care and concern! You buy her stuff, she will say that you were trying to buy her body. In reality, there is no way to win, she will come up with any excuse to turn you down and make it look like your fault. The important thing is to completely discard the mentality that you have to woo a woman with material benefits like paying for the dinner.

-Watch out for red flags. Women judge men more than vice-versa, but you as a man need to start judging women more to prevent them from wasting your time. Since men put in the effort to make the first move (let's face it, most women can't or won't make the first move), it costs them more to stop chasing this girl and switch to another girl, but you need to know when to cut your losses and move on. There is no point in wasting lots of time chasing a woman who is stringing you along in the hopes that you will win the lottery, she has a change of heart and becomes a better woman for you.

1.The woman expects you to pay or do things for her simply because "you are the man what, this is something you should do". Basically imagine if you are a woman and the guy expects you to cook and clean for him simply because of your gender. Sounds appealing? No right? Society has conditioned men to accept stereotypes that men should do X, Y, Z, you need to break this conditioning. Dont ever think that you have to pay for the date just because you are the guy, if a woman dumps you because you didn't pay for her, good riddance. If she seriously askes you to pay for her and/or acts shocked/dissapointed that you didn't, don't waste your time on her. Try and explain that men used to pay for women, because women weren't allowed to work (because they were considered too incompetent). Then watch her reaction. If she's still not happy and complains that you are just making up excuses to not "be a gentleman", part ways ASAP. This type of woman has been brought up to think that she should be spoonfed just because of her gender.

This also applies for things like fetching her to work, carrying her shopping, etc. In particular, find out how she feels about double standards. Such as NS, or society expectations. It's a major red flag if she starts talking about how women are oppressed in the workplace because of some secret male conspiracy to pay women less, seriously this is more retarded than "The US government was responsible for 9/11". The fact that HR departments are predominantly female and not a SINGLE female HR employee has ever come forward to say "This conspiracy is true, look at this email my company sent to the HR department, we were ordered to pay women less!" is pretty clear evidence that it's nonsense.

Actual quote by one of my colleagues btw : "Eh, my boyfriend obviously has to fetch me home from work what, he's my boyfriend!!!".

2. When asking a girl out, make sure to explictly use the word date. This may sound surprising, but a lot of women don't react well to the word "date". Common complaints i've heard are "Too direct" "Too embarrassing" "Must use the word date meh???" "lol this guy dunno how to ask a girl out ar?". These are all lame excuses. What you are looking for is a woman, not a girl. There is a big difference here. Girls are not ready for a relationship and do not know how to handle one. They get completely wrong ideas on how to act in a relationship from korean dramas or trashy romance novels. These are the girls who, when encountering a problem in the relationship, thinks its acceptable to throw a huge tantrum and refuse to talk it over while expecting the guy to do some dramatic stunt to win back their love and make up like what you see in korean dramas. Or they will think it's acceptable to "test your love" by asking you to go buy them supper at 2 am in the morning. Women do not shy away from the word "date".

Another reason for using the word "date" is to observe how the woman reacts to committment. You use the word date, she cant claim later on that "what, you mean the romantic candlelight dinner for two at a restaurant which you paid for was a date??? omg, i thought we were just hanging out as friends!!!". Yes, this does happen. What a guy thinks : Dinner for two, restaurant. Its obviously a date. She can't possibly misunderstand this. What the girl thinks : He's probably paying for me, so no harm giving him a try. If i don't like him, I can always claim that it wasn't a date later and blame him for not making things clear.

If she complains that you have no "delicacy" or "subtletly", red flag. If she starts acting super shy but accepts, like a primary schoolgirl who just got asked out on the first date...uh oh. She's either trying to act cute because she thinks you are into shy girls (or that all guys love it when girls act shy) or she's not emotionally ready for a relationship. The former is probably OK (but watch out if she expects you to do a lot of stereotypical guy things, see #1), the latter is probably a short lived relationship where she dumps you at the first sign of trouble or once she decides you aren't "her type". If she starts acting shy and turns you down, she's probably trying to stop herself from laughing and thinking "lol this guy actually thinks he has a chance with me???".

3. You are on the first date, but she's not making any effort to keep the conversation going, you have to do almost all the talking and she can't even be bothered to reply with more than a few words when asked a question. She's not interested in you, she's just along for the food/movie/whatever, or she literally had nothing better to do. When you see this, try to ask her directly, "hey i noticed you seem pretty distracted tonight, is something wrong?". Watch how she replies. If she says, oh actually i'm sick but we already made the date and i didn't want to cancel, ok. If she replies with the typical "nothing's wrong" and isn't interested in talking further, end the date ASAP, and remember, don't pay for her.

4. You ask her what she wants to do or where she wants to go. She gives you the typical "dunno leh, i will let you decide". Afterwards she's not happy and blames you for not knowing what she really wanted to do. She probably thinks it's the guy's "duty" to plan the date and make sure everything goes perfectly for her, and she's clearly not mature enough to raise objections, preferring instead to go along for the raid while hating you every step of the way. Red flag.

5. She's not interested in finding out more about you. The first date is the perfect chance for both parties to do that. If she's just rambling on about herself, her oh-so-crazy friends, her workload, how demanding her boss is, how her colleague is a total stuck up bitch, or how much her day sucked...red flag.

This is what the guy thinks : She's telling me so much about herself, i don't even have to do the talking, i must make her feel really comfortable, this is going great!

This is what the girl thinks : Wow this guy is a such a nice guy! I can really relax and talk to him about all my troubles! But i wouldn't be able to date him seriously, i just don't think of him that way.

Note : Polite conversation starters like "so what do you do?" or "what hobbies do you have?" do not count. If that's literally the only thing she's asking you and she's stops after she gets the answers, she's just not interested.

6. You, like most guys, probably aren't a banker or play in a rockband during your spare time. She finds out you have a normal job, normal hobbies, and just loses interest. If you are a student, she stops once she finds out you aren't studying law/medicine/finance and aren't on the executive committee of some society. She's looking for a guy she can marry after graduation that will end up being a banker or something equally prestigious and pulling in $5k+ per month, and that she can brag to her friends about. You don't qualify, sorry. She usually tries to steer the conversation away from her job, her hobbies or her goals, because she doesn't want you to question whether she's the right woman for you. If she's a student, her goal is probably "just find some office job lor". What she's not saying is that she expects the guy to take care of her for the rest of her life. She probably gets just pass in her courses and does group projects with a "like this can lar" mentality.

I have a friend like this who graduated from SMU with a business degree, then took a job as a admin assistant because it was "easy". Her job consists of doing simple paperwork, answering phone calls and making coffee. She married a banker whom she met in SMU and who pulls in three times her salary. They live in a condo that he mostly financed and the wedding/honeymoon was mostly financed by him too. Don't be a sucker like that guy.

7. She refers to you as "a nice guy". What a guy hears : Ooooh she complimented me! What the girl means : He's not my type, but i need to find some way to let him know indirectly.

8. She shows up significantly late for the date. Has no excuse, doesnt want to talk about it, or her excuse is something lame (like omg i was talking to my friend and lost track of time!!!). You weren't important enough to her. If she's interested, the date would be the foremost thing in her mind, but it wasn't. If she gets angry when you ask, super red flag, especially if she says anything like "hey it's the guy's responsibility to wait for the lady ok!!!".

9. You've been dating for a while, but she never askes YOU out, you always have to be the one to ask her. You talk to her about it, she either blows you off, tells you that it's the guy duty to plan the dates or lies and says she will ask you out next time (But never does). Red flag. She's happy to go along when you have something planned, but CBF to plan it herself. She probably is dating multiple guys and you are her backup, you are there to entertain her when her main guy isn't available, but you are not a serious prospect currently. If you try to ask her out for important occasions like valentine's day or christmass, she will always be "busy with friends/work" (read : the main guy she is interested in) but will promise to make it up to you by going on a date the next day or something (which she still expects you to plan).

10. She seems embarrassed or reluctant to let her friends know about the two of you. This typically happens when you two bump into her friends somewhere and she will try to pass you off as a "colleague" or a "friend". Instead of a date, she will say that you two met by coincidence or she will come up with some excuse (he asked me to help him with...). See #9, you are her backup. If you make an issue about it, she will dump you by saying that you "misunderstood" and that you were "only friends". Plausible deniability is a big thing for her. She will also refuse to make any mention of the relationship on facebook or set her status to being in a relationship with you, and will come up with plenty of excuses for this (i don't want to let the whole world know, etc).

11. You've been dating a while, but there's no intimacy. It feels like two friends hanging out, not a date. She might even refuse to hold hands in public or kiss on the lips. This doesn't mean the woman should have sex on the first date of course, but if she's interested in you, there's going to be a level of physical intimacy there. The relationship never seems to progress, and she won't talk to you about it or blows you off with lame excuses (it's a girl thing, i'm not ready yet, etc). You are her backup, there to kill time with. If things don't work out with her main guy, she will undergo a huge change and it will be like she's suddenly all over you. If you ask about the sudden change, she will probably tell you exactly what you want to hear (i've thought about it and i've decided you are the only guy for me, etc).