cybersqyd

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Jul 5th, 2021
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  1. > campaign that a rouge meteor exterminated
  2. 'rogue'
  3.  
  4. > denied access to achieving their goals.
  5. 'denied access to their goals' or 'prevented from achieving their goals' would read better here
  6.  
  7. > This often resorts to obscenities being exchanged between the two parties
  8. 'often results in obscenities' would flow better here
  9.  
  10. > A Corporate CEO
  11. corporate shouldn't be capitalised here
  12.  
  13. > The SCP-XXXX instances were depicted exhibiting the above-listed behavior, which did not warrant Foundation attention at first. After a video titled "KAREN GETS ARRESTED FOR NOT WEARING A MASK" was posted to YouTube, Foundation agents were dispatched to ascertain the threat and contain the entity while posing as police officers.
  14. I feel like this needs something to like... highlight what makes them change their mind here -- the video sounds like it's very much just y'know, a regular occurrence of this, so probably the fix is indicating that it's occurring anomalously frequently or something?
  15.  
  16. > Oh back up! Back up! Some old lady is getting handcuffed here!
  17. This reads like the karen is talking about someone else, instead of herself
  18.  
  19. > We've got a bogy here at
  20. 'bogey'
  21.  
  22. > Using advanced genealogical carbon dating
  23. This reads like some assassin's creed shit - like, it's uhhhh not really how DNA works, our DNA gets replaced a bunch of times over the course of our life every time one of our cells dies, so the idea that there's like, DNA from our original ancestor that can be carbon dated like this uhhh doesn't really make sense.
  24.  
  25. > people are emperically superior in every way.
  26. 'empirically'
  27.  
  28. > The entity is resisting, but is still dragged away.
  29. 'The entity resists, but ...' flows better imo
  30.  
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