(3:26:23 PM) Othayuni: Y'know, I can't.
(3:26:35 PM) Othayuni: Talk you in to liking RP if it's really, really basically uninteresting to you.
(3:26:53 PM) Othayuni: But I guess I'm confused because I -really- thought we had something really fucking special with what Chet and Audren were, both together and in the world.
(3:27:01 PM) Othayuni: And I thought you felt it too.
(3:30:38 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: How does this take away from Chet and Audren's specialness? That's independent of how I feel about RP in general.
(3:31:08 PM) Othayuni: Well, we don't get to share them anymore.
(3:31:50 PM) Othayuni: Nothing could change what they've been to me but giving up on them sure changes what they will be.
(3:34:21 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: That's confusing. Because we've long talked about there being a time when we'd leave Chet and Audren behind. That we were both okay with that. Is that no longer true?
(3:39:18 PM) Othayuni: I guess I was hoping it would be because we were ready instead of because we were giving up. I see Chet as someone who's going to be with me for a long, long time--forever, in plenty of senses--and I can't imagine what stopping roleplaying him would look like.
(3:40:56 PM) Othayuni: I gotta decide how I feel about the notion of leaving Chet behind. For me right now it's just, I still want everything he is, and if your heart was in it I'd still want everything he and Audren were.
(3:42:16 PM) Othayuni: And I think you're giving up not because you don't want Chet and Audren but because you don't want to deal with people.
(3:42:35 PM) Othayuni: And I'm concerned that that's letting fear of abuse, and your abusers, win.
(3:43:35 PM) Othayuni: But that's your choice. It can happen. I'll undertake this if that's what we gotta do, much as it scares me. I think I've pretty much said my part.
(3:56:23 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: You want me to be enthusiastic about RP? It's not going to happen. I wish it was otherwise, but I really don't feel it.
(3:59:06 PM) Othayuni: Alright...Guess that's that. *offers his arms* Thank you for everything. Everything we shared meant a ton to me and always will, and the growth I got from it is staying. Same for Chet. And he's going to miss the hell out of his mate. And it's going to be a big, painful, hard thing for both of us. But neither of us would take away the "lost" of "loved and lost" if it meant taking away the love.
(4:03:25 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: *hugs* I'm sorry it didn't work out. But there would have never been enthusiasm for delving into this, you know.
(4:04:01 PM) Othayuni: I get it. *hug* That's why we talked.
(4:05:55 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: How do you want to handle this?

(we talk about various ways to handle Audren's fate; death scenarios, absence scenarios, etc; I'll paste it to you if you're interested)

(4:31:02 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: You can say she has business in Hillsbrad to take care of any remaining issues with her family and put their ghosts to rest. And that she wanted to do it herself since she felt the life she lived before had shown her that she was only capable of living for someone else -- her parents, then Red.
(4:32:56 PM) Othayuni: Yeah...That'd be a pretty strong, empowering, Audren thing to do. Only thing I'm worried about is that leaves Chet with a promise she'd return, or anyway solid reason to hold out, and me without.
(4:33:54 PM) Othayuni: I dunno what I'd do with that.
(4:34:38 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: I'm not sure what you mean.
(4:36:43 PM) Othayuni: Chet'd be waiting for the return of a wife he thinks is going to return but his channel has no idea if she ever will.
(4:36:47 PM) Othayuni: I need to know if I need to move on or not.
(4:37:06 PM) Othayuni: Chet's not gonna if he believes she's going to be back.
(4:39:01 PM) Othayuni: Honestly the hope of having you and Audren back, full force and willing to tackle the world, some day, is amazing, and hard to pass up, but I don't want to commit Chet's whole life to that if I don't know it's what's going to happen.
(4:39:10 PM) Othayuni: Or rather if it's what's trying to happen.
(4:41:38 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: Josh. Look what's happened. You want me to tell you that I'm excited and enthusiastic about trying to RP. I can't tell you that. I can tell you that I'd -like- to and I am interested, but I'm not going to feign excitement that isn't there.
(4:46:23 PM) Othayuni: What about passionate and wanting to make-it-happen?
(4:49:16 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: If I didn't want to make it happen, I still wouldn't be talking to you about this. I would have hugged you. Smiled. And let the matter drop.
(4:51:17 PM) Othayuni: Huh. Man. *laugh* Are we...alright. I. Hm.
(4:51:22 PM) Othayuni: Alright, I'm interested. What do you propose?
(4:53:38 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: You got to give me a little bit of room to maneuver here. We're talking about a lot of heavy stuff dragging down my perception of RP. That's not going to be shed with a wave of my hand. We've gone through it before. How did we start to overcome it? By making it -fun- again for me and something with a lot less pressure. It wasn't about performing to anyone's standards but my own.
(4:55:13 PM) celyia@hotmail.com: We were doing well and we took a break when the King stuff went down. As far as I knew, we were fine until this issue came up. I don't enjoy RPing if I'm tensed elsewhere. It's not an escape for me. It's something I throw myself into. it's something I craft. It takes all my concentration and emotions.