My Fluffies and Me - Chapter 1: Outside the Wall

CHAPTER 1 – OUTSIDE THE WALL

>You are the owner of three fluffy ponies.
>You found them a couple of months ago in an alley near your house, desperately trying to hug their dead mother back to life. You brought them home, fed them, cleaned them and made a safe room for them.
>Now the three of them are all grown up. They are:
>- Pink Floyd, a female pink unicorn with a cherry red mane. She’s probably the sweetest fluffy pony you’ve ever seen: she loves you unconditionally and the thing she likes the most is to lay in your lap while you rub her head or her belly. However, she’s also very clingy, and dumb as a brick: it took you a couple of weeks – and frequent uses of the sorry box – to make her understand that she had to pee and poo in the litter box.
>- Echoes, an yellow male earth fluffy with a light green mane. He’s very laidback, and when he’s not napping he usually plays with his ball or his blocks. In two and a half months, you’ve never heard him talk unless you or one of his brothers had talked first: in that case, he usually repeats what has been said (and that’s why you called him Echoes). You don’t know if he’s too dumb or simply too laidback, but he almost never makes “bad poopies” and he’s – obviously – very quiet.
>- Crazy Diamond, a monotone silver male unicorn. His mane is gorgeous and silky, and you’re sure he’d probably win some fluffy beauty contests, if they were any in your town. The problem is, he’s a real pain in the ass, always throwing tantrums when you’re not feeding him spaghettis or letting him do what he wants, blowing raspberries at you and generally being a complete and total dick. He would’ve probably become a smarty friends, were he be born in a feral herd.
>However, you like living surrounded by your fluffies: they keep you good company, you love hugging them and being hugged, and whenever you don’t want them around all you have to do is close them in their sound-proof safe room where they can play with each other.
>Life goes on relatively peacefully for nearly three months.
>Until one day Crazy Diamond decides he wants to play outside.
>“Dahdeh! Wan pway owside!”
>Precisely.
>You put your laptop down on the small table in front of your sofa, then look at the unicorn.
“You know you can’t, Mond. It’s too dangerous out there”.
>Well, it’s true: you don’t live in a house with a backyard, and your front yard is not fenced.
>Knowing Crazy Diamond, he’d just run straight into the street with obvious results.
>Being him a fluffy, he doesn’t understand.
“Mon’ wan pway owside! Dahdeh meanie if no wet!”
>Pink Floyd jumps immediately in your defense.
>“Dahdeh no meanie! Dahdeh gud! Mon’ meanie fwuffy!”
>“Nuuu! Mon’ gud fwuffy! Pink stoopid an’ dumb!”
>Fluffies and their superior oratory skills.
>Echoes, meanwhile, plays with some blocks in a corner of the living room, seemingly untouched by the quarrel.
>Crazy Diamond is now in full tantrum mode, stomping the floor with his tiny hooves and crying.
>“Mon’ wan go owside NOW!”
>You look at him with a grin.
>“Well, you can’t. Now calm down and play with your brothers, unless you want to taste the sorry stick”.
>It’s an empty threat, actually: you’ve never used the sorry stick. The sorry box sure, and sometimes you’ve given a disobedient fluffy a light slap on the face… but you’ve never had to take the broom out of the closet to punish them.
>Crazy Diamond, being a spineless coward, usually cowers in fear and says he’s sorry whenever you mention the sorry stick.
>Not today. He looks at you, and… is that a glimmer of challenge in his eyes?
>“Mon’ go owside ow make sowwy poopies!”
>You snicker.
>“Yeah, like you’d dare”.
>He does. Some seconds later, there’s a sizeable turd on the linoleum floor. God, the stink is almost unbearable.
>“Eew! No smeww pwetty!”
>Thank you, Pink Floyd, I would’ve never noticed without you.
>Crazy Diamond is still looking at you like he thinks he has won the argument or something.
>“Mon’ go owside now!”
>Yeah, no way in hell.
>Without saying a word, you quickly grab the silver unicorn for his neck scruff and push his head in the poo. He starts bucking and thrashing, but being a fluffy he’s obviously way weaker than you are.
>“Nuuuu! No smeww pwetty!”. He talks, and inadvertently gulps a chunk of his shit. “Euuuh! No taste pwetty!”.
>“See? That’s what happen when you’re a bad fluffy”, you explain to Pink Floyd and Echoes, who in the meantime left his blocks and trotted at you.
>“Bad fwuffy”, he repeats diligently.
>You lift the squirming Crazy Diamond up.
>“Wet Mon’ go! No wike no smeww pwetty!”.
>You smirk.
>“That’s why you’re going into the water box now”.
>Pink Floyd looks at you, her lips quivering. The sole mention of water usually makes her cry.
>“Wha’ wawa box dahdeh?”
>“Come with me, I’ll show you”.
>You go to the bathroom, open the shower door and turn the lever all the way over to the coldest side. You then toss Crazy Diamond inside the shower – well, you just let him fall on the shower plate, don’t want him to break his legs – and rapidly close the door before he can escape.
>The unicorn immediately starts running in circles, crying in sheer terror and trying to avoid – without success, obviously – the cold water falling on him.
>“NUUUUUU! MEANIE WAWA COWD! MEANIE WAWA GO ‘WAY! MON’ NO WIKE DIS GAME!”
>“This is not a game, dumbass!”, you shout at him, even if he’s probably not hearing you at all. >“This is your punishment for pooping on the floor!”
>Pink Floyd is frozen on the spot, a constant stream of tears dripping from her eyes. She looks at you pleadingly.
>“W-why dahdeh huwt bruda? Wet bruda out wawa box, pwease?”
>You pet her head. She’s already forgotten that this is supposed to be a punishment. She’s adorable, but she’s SO stupid…
>“I’m not hurting him, sweetie. Mond has been a very bad fluffy, and he didn’t smell pretty, remember? He pooped on the floor, and only bad fluffies do so”.
>“Vewy bad fwuffy. Poop on fwoow”, Echoes repeats.
>Pink Floyd starts whimpering. At least she stopped crying.
>“Pink no poop on fwoow, pwease no wawa box”, she whispers.
>“You’re a good fluffy”, you tell her. “Good fluffies get treats”.
>Just like you pressed a switch, she’s instantly happy again, totally forgetting about her brother.
>“Yay! Pink wuv nummy tweats!”
>You bring the two fluffies back to the living room – leaving a screaming, aimlessly running Crazy Diamond behind – and give them a piece of candy. You then watch them happily nibbling the treat for a minute.
>“Now I want you to play hide and seek”, you tell them when they’ve finished eating.
>“Yay! Pink wuv hide an’ see! Pink hide now!”
>The unicorn put her front hooves on her eyes and then start giggling.
>“Pink hide now! Dahdeh find Pink!”
>You look at Echoes.
>“You too go hide, buddy”.
>He stares at you for a couple of seconds, then he seems to shrug as he closes his eyes, standing perfectly still.
>“Hide”, he announces.
>“Great. Now I’ll try to find you, so stay hidden until I say so. If I can’t find you, you’ll get another treat. Okay?”.
>“Otay dahdeh! Pink stay hide! Wan’ nummies!”
>While your two other fluffies are busy being “hidden”, you can go free Crazy Diamond. When you take him out from the shower, he looks at you with all the hate a fluffy can express… which isn’t all that much.
>“I’m positive you learned the lesson”, you tell him while drying him off with a towel.
>He keeps grumbling and mumbling about wanting to go outside.
>You hit him lightly on the nose.
>“Maybe you want to spend more time in the water box?”
>No, he doesn’t.
>“N-nuuuuuu! Pwease dahdeh, no mo’ wawa box! Mon’ behave! No mo’ go owside!”
>You pet his head.
>“Great. Now go and find your brothers, they’re hidden in the living room”.
>While he scampers out of the bathroom, you decide you could probably take a shower as well. You are pretty sure that Crazy Diamond learned his lesson well this time, so you don’t even think of putting the three fluffies in the safe room like you always do when you can’t keep an eye on them.
>Bad mistake.
>Then moment you take a step out of the shower, a mere five minutes later, you’re greeted by the heart-breaking crying of Pink Floyd. Fearing for the worst, you quickly put your bathrobe on and dart to the living room.
>The first thing you notice is that your laptop is on the ground, just like someone – or somefluffy – had pushed it down from the small table. Pink Floyd is near the sofa, sobbing loudly, surrounded by a couple of turds and a small lake of piss. Echoes is in his corner, playing with his blocks.
>And Crazy Diamond is right in front of you, with a defiant look on his muzzle.
>“Wan’ go owside!”
>“THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?!”, you yell, ignoring the unicorn and running to check your laptop. Crazy Diamond lets out a surprised shriek and poops himself.
>Luckily, the PC is mostly fine: the only sign of the fall is a small crack on the back cover.
>But now you’re angry.
>And someone is going to pay for this.
>“WHO DID THIS?”, you scream, pointing at the computer.
>Crazy Diamond and Echoes stay silent, while Pink Floyd doubles the volume of her wailing.
>“Pink, for the love of God, stop this fucking torture!”, you yell at her.
>She looks at you, sniffling. “B-bu’ Pink make bad poopies and peepee!”.
“I don’t care about you damn poo, now! Who threw daddy’s laptop on the ground? Tell me!”
>The mare furrows her little brows.
>“P-Pink no we… web… wemebbew… Sowwy dahdeh…”.
>What a surprise, she’s useless as always.
>You sigh. You know Crazy Diamond is the culprit, but he’s never going to admit it: he recovered from the fright and is staring at you with the same irritating eyes a smarty friend could have.
>“Echoes?”, you call. The yellow fluffy stops playing with his toys and looks at you, waiting.
>“Can you tell me what Crazy Diamond said when daddy wasn’t here?”.
>Echoes keeps staring at you for several, long seconds.
>Then he makes a funny noise – oddly similar to the click of a tape recorder – and starts talking.
>“Dahdeh meanie an’ dumb! No wan’ Mon’ pway owside! Mon’ bweak dahdeh shiny thingy den!”
>Bingo.
>You slowly turn to face Crazy Diamond, a slasher smile on your face. “Well, well, well…”
>The unicorn stares at you in horror, his irises smaller than pinheads.
>“N-n-nuuuuuu! Mon’ no say dat! Mon’ wuv dahdeh! Echoes meanie fwuffy!”
>He poops himself for the second time.
>Without saying anything, you crudely yank his mane and lift him, without caring about hurting him or not.
>“Wet Mon’ down! Fwuff huwt! No wan’ owwies!”
>You grind your teeth.
>“But you still want to go outside, don’t you?”
>As you expected, he seems to completely forget the situation he’s in the moment you mention the word “outside”, his eyes sparkling in excitement.
>“Mon’ can go owside? Yay! Wuv dahdeh!”
>He even squirms in your grip, trying to hug you.
>Oh, no, you aren’t.
>You open your front door with your free hand.
>“Well, enjoy your fucking outside, then!”
>You throw the unicorn on your front yard; he lands on his belly with a muffled “Ooof!”. Unfortunately, none of his bones gets broken from the impact. Talking about good luck.
>You close the door before Crazy Diamond can try and run back inside. You still hear him pounding on it with his weak hooves some seconds later.
>“No weave owside! Owside scawy if awone! Wan’ pway wif bruda an’ sista, wan’ pway wif dahdeh!”
>“You wanted to go outside? Now you can stay outside forever!”, you yell back. You sit on the sofa and gesture Echoes and Pink Floyd to come sit in your lap. The earth fluffy eagerly complies, but the unicorn is hesitant.
>“W-why fwuffy bruda owside awone? Wet fwuffy in pwease?”
>You shake your head, firmly.
>“No, Pink. Diamond is a very bad fluffy, and this house is for good fluffies only. He’ll have to find a new daddy, because he can’t leave here anymore”.
>Pink’s lips start quivering. Ooh boy, here we go again.
>“N-no wive here no mo’? No see Mon’ no mo’? No pway wif Mon’ no mo’?”
>Luckily, Echoes comes to the rescue.
>“Mon’ bad fwuffy. Vewy bad fwuffy”.
>You give a sigh of relief, then point at the earth fluffy.
>“See? He agrees with me. And you don’t need Diamond, you have Echoes and you have daddy to play with you. Now, who wants some belly tickles?”
>Pink Floyd looks at you like you’re Santa Claus. She raises both her front hooves and falls on your legs, giggling.
>“Pink! Pink gud fwuffy, wan’ bewwy tickwes!”
>You comply, eliciting laughs of pure, delightful joy from the little unicorn. You then look at Echoes, that sits near you on the sofa.
>“Want some belly rubs too, buddy?”
>The yellow fluffy just stares at you with his blue irises. He has really deep eyes… for a fluffy, at least.
>“Mon’ bad fwuffy”, he repeats, carefully articulating each word. “Vewy bad fwuffy”. And, for a mere second, you’re convinced you’ve seen the hint of a knowing smile on his little stoic muzzle.
>You wanted to get rid of Crazy Diamond; and the unicorn said “Mon’ no say dat!” and “Echoes meanie fwuffy!”, after all. Could it maybe be that Echoes…
>Nah. Maybe he’s smarter than the average member of his species, but he’s still a fluffy, for fuck’s sake.
>But, while popping in a DVD to cover the cries of Crazy Diamond outside the door, you can’t help but wonder if you punished the real culprit.