Unexpected Blind Date

>The bright fluorescent lights almost hurt in contrast to the dark parking lot you just came in from
>With the fridge almost entirely empty save for unused sauce packets, the late night walk down the street to the closest store seemed a better alternative than skipping breakfast tomorrow
>Mercifully the small grocery store was nearly empty at this hour, allowing you to drift around the neon sale signs in your scruffy jacket without issue
>Nabbing a couple items, you made your way to the brisk chill of the openly refrigerated aisle full of meat, milk, and the breakfast items you sought
>So focused on your empty stomach while stalking down the aisles, you halted just a second before colliding with a hulking silhouette
>She was tall, deep grey with a horn above her nose, and her sweater struggled just as much as her jeans to hold her mature body’s curves
>But most of all you were taken aback as she hardly reacted to your accidental invasion of her personal space
>Instead she continued to squint at a container of something nearly flush against her face
>”…is this the one without dairy? Ooh, a mix-up last time might expl-”
>She froze for a moment, ears perking up in your direction before she spoke up surprisingly gently for a near collision
>”Is there someone there? Please could you help me figure out where they moved the dairy free stuff?”
>You paused, unsure what to say until you quickly found the lactose reduced version practically right under her nose
>”Yeah it’s right here, didn’t you see iii-…”
>You noticed her waiting for you to finish that statement, and the fact her eyes seemed unsure exactly where to focus answered your question for you
>”Sorry.”
>She gave a nonchalant huff brushing it off
>”No, it’s fine. You’re sweet just for finding it for me.”
>Feeling considerably relieved, you watched her strike a more confident pose
>”I’m ONLY legally blind though, I can kind of read the labels… but no one wants me impaling all the food trying to get a look at it.”
>Still feeling a little apologetic and intrigued by this odd midnight encounter, you stayed nearby
>”You know, they really did a number on this aisle. Need some more help while I look around myself?”
>She nodded
>”If it’s no trouble. People act like I can’t handle myself without knocking a cane everywhere or having someone at home to guide me.”
>Nudging her cart closer, you gladly stepped beside her
>”Sure thing, now what did you want to find next?”
> . . .
>As you two cruised down the aisle, it turned out you had a lot in common, in fact she only lived a short walk from here in the other direction
>Time went by quickly, but you remained by the open shelves leaking cool air
>Evidently the large woman had quite a diet to fill
>One that seemed to constantly ask you whether the bulk amounts of food were dairy free
>Although as swimmingly as things went, she would pause sometimes after a rather ominous gurgling like thick bubbling tar
>”Ignore that, I’m… hungry.”
>You nodded along, no reason to question her answer as that was the reason you were here after all
>After a couple more increasingly loud interruptions like that, she sighed and deposited the latest tub of yogurt you had found for her
>”I can handle it from here, thanks for the help.”
>You felt pleased with your good deed for the day
>”It was fun talking to you, maybe we’ll meet again later.”
>She smiled, and went back to scrutinizing one of the labels
>Meanwhile you started on your own shopping, standing in place while you found your own things
>Yet after one of the few customers beside you two walked down the same aisle, her ears perked in the direction of the footsteps
>After a silent moment, she groaned and managed a strained mumble
>”Oh thank heavens they left! They were so nice but I can’t hold this anymore…”
>Your sleep-deprived brain seemed to lag deciphering what she just said, so you watched in silent confusion as she lifted her contrastingly tiny tail over her belt
>Unsure why she abruptly tensed up, her contorted face didn’t give it away
>However in seconds you felt a sickeningly humid warmth cut through the refrigerated air like a hot breath on your shoulder
>Unaware of what was happening, you breathed in and suddenly everything became clear
>An abominable wall of expired milk and cheese baked in sulfurous death slammed into your airways like an unwelcome invader
>As her unfathomably foul silent fart raised into a hardly audible hiss, you fought back the instinctual urge to heave
>She could hardly see, the last thing she needed was to be embarrassed by you witnessing this
>But the sheer fact it would be eight seconds before her stealthy emission ended with a content sigh tested your willpower with the horrifically lingering fog
>”Oooooooh, lord that’s bad!”
>Fanning her face, you waited for her to leave
>But instead she remained silently listening, before putting her hands on her gut and hiking a leg onto her cart
>Your heart started beating faster for conflicting reasons as her doublewide globes tilted in your direction
>”Ugh, I should’ve tasted the difference…”
>With a brief swivel of her head to seek out any possible approaching shoppers, she well and truly unloaded
>Amazed she simply wasn’t empty after that first deadly gush of hot air, your mind as well as your hair was blown by the lactose intolerant nightmare unabashedly thundering out of her into the otherwise empty aisle
>The awful miasma escaped her like pressurized steam reverberating her restrained cheeks loudly against her jeans
>Even breathing through your mouth you couldn’t help but notice a new sour undercurrent likely making the acrid remains of her now doubly fermented yogurt
>You were so close to the powerful cannon rippling the seat of her tight pants, you could have sworn the items in her cart were vibrating to the sickly subwoofer’s cacophony
>Your front row seat to the intestinal disaster made your eyes difficult to open, and your lungs quickly reject the concoction floating inescapably around your head
>But you held quiet to the final second her colossal wind ended on a cute questionmark of a squeak
>Patting her belly through the sweater, she sounded blissfully relieved
>”Just one more for the road!”
>She forced a short deep poot you might have previously imagined coming from a woman, but it was the final aromatic straw
>A cough escaped your flatulence ravaged lungs, and she immediately froze like a statue and stopped fanning her derriere to blush deeper than the tomatoes on sale
>”Uh… you’re still here… aren’t you?”
>You tried to say something, but more than her palpably thick haze was stopping you
>It was difficult to pin down, but a rather surprising amount of that arousal seeing her swing that backside around had remained despite that revolting spectacle
>”Yeah… just um, grabbing my own stuff. D-don’t worry about… THAT… hardly noticed it.”
>She looked unsure how to act, but you awkwardly tried to resume your previous conversation to smooth things over
>Meanwhile internally, your words hardly made it past her ears as she thought
>”They’re STILL here after that? That’s a first…”
>She didn’t answer your question, but a very slim grin returned to her face
>”Excuse me, hehe… but putting that behind us um…”
>She steeled herself for what she was about to say, she wasn’t getting any younger so it didn’t hurt to take a risk
>”I was hoping you might help me walk home so late at night… I’m basically done shopping.”
>A bit dumbfounded, you managed to squeak out
>”S-s-sure.”
>A little more relaxed despite another audible warning from her churning stomach, she tried to hide her excitement
>”Oh my lucky starts that actually worked? I mean I’m blind but I sure as hell can smell THAT! And I know the way between this store and my house by heart! I mean it doesn’t even matter that it’s night when I can hardly see!”
>She continued to echo these thoughts even as you walked beside her out the sliding doors into the night
>Already plotting an excuse for you to help her get inside and liven up the empty place for a night, you were content to guide your distracted “blind date”
>Even if you struggled to ignore every bomb she was dropping between steps on the sidewalk