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- >Come back from work
- >Go to the living room
- >See this
- http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/0/00/Starlight_Glimmer_is_Back!.png/revision/latest?cb=20151122084308
- >What do?
- >You are Anon
- >Office worker extrodinaire
- >It was the only job you could find in Ponyville
- >Strangely enough, there aren't many ponies with a bureaucrat cutie mark
- >Most of them just have cutie marks related to some craft
- >That made you think if the bureaucratic work was left for those without a cutie mark
- >Whoever is talentless, they should handle the paperwork
- >It mirrors how things are on your world actually
- >As you are lost in your meta-social thoughts, you discover that you have stumbled into your kitchen
- >You tend to do that often
- >But this time, you notice someone sitting at the table
- >With their filthy hooves on the table
- >"Long day at work, honey?"
- >Honey?
- >What?
- "What?"
- >"I said, was it a long day at work? I know how stressed you get. But that's my lovable monkey-man. Always wanting to support his love"
- >What?
- >What?
- >There you were, Anon, the transdimensional clerk, sitting across the table from a pony that claims that you love her
- >With her filthy hooves on the table
- >Filthying up the table cloth
- >Was she raised by barbarians?
- >That is your favourite tablecloth
- >It took you three weeks to raise the money to buy it
- >It's strange how much a tablecloth can cost you in a craft oriented economic system
- >Then again there was only one pony with a tablecloth making cutie mark, so he had a monopoly over the entire tablecloth market
- >Some of these cutie marks were strangely absurd
- >You wonder if there was a table-related accessories cartel
- >All with absurdly specific cutie marks
- >You just noticed the pony in front of you has moved closer, looking concerned
- >Her hooves no longer at the table
- >That's how you liked your table
- >No Hooves
- >"Honey, are you ok? You seem very absent minded. Did something bad happen at work today?"
- "Well, no. Just the usual. The mayor made work during my brake, but otherwise...."
- >Wait!
- >What are you doing?
- >You don't owe this interloper any explanations
- >Although it is nice for someone to ask you about your day
- >Should you play along?
- >"Come now honey, you can tell me"
- >You decide to play along for a bit
- >The next half-hour, you spend explaining how your day went
- "So it was just another day at the office"
- >"Aww...poor thing. You must be tired. Let me make you some brownies"
- "I love brownies!"
- >"I know. That's how we met, remember?"
- >What?
- >"I just made some brownies and I left them to cool off on the window. You tried to steal some, but I stopped you. One thing left to another..." she dozed off with a smile
- >"It's hard to believe we have been married for ten years"
- >What?
- >WHAT?
- >MARRIED?
- >TEN YEARS?
- >MARRIED?
- >WHAT?
- >"Is everything alright? You seem distressed"
- >Your jaw is hanging low
- >Your catatonic state slowly began to let you go
- >It was clear now
- >She wasn't just some random mare, who decided to break into your house
- >She was a mad mare...that decided to break into your house
- >You have an odd train of thought
- >As she turned to take out the ingredients for the brownies, you stood up, grabbed a rolling pin from the counter and slowly walked to her
- >Then you noticed that she took out strawberries and started chopping them up
- >"I know you like the smaller breed of strawberries, but there weren't any at the market, so had to buy these. I hope it's not problem, honey"
- >She turns around and sees you holding the rolling pin
- >You awkwardly hand it to her
- "N-no problem"
- >She takes it, with a bit of suspicion in her eye and continues on
- >It was true
- >You did like the smaller breed of berries
- >But that's not the point
- >You loved brownies with strawberries
- >It's just how your mother used to make them
- >And you haven't told that to anyone in Ponyville
- >Today seems like one crazy day
- >Recap
- >You are in your house after a long day at work
- >And there is a pony you've never seen in your life, who claims that you have been married for the past ten years
- >You are doubtful of what she says
- >Until she proves it by baking you brownies with strawberries
- >The same way your mother used to make them
- >Some might argue that a gastronomical secret isn't enough to prove a marriage
- >Buy you are not some
- >You are Anon
- >And you are about to find out what is going on
- >By using shrewd psychoattacks and mental tricks
- "So...honey, how was your day"
- >"The usual, cleaned up around the house, went to the market, got home, went out with a few friends. Nothing out of the ordinary"
- "I see..."
- "Say, forget the brownies. Let's go out"
- >"Really?"
- "Sure! When was the last time we went out together?"
- >"Is has been a while"
- >This will be the perfect way to get some information
- >You'll sit at a cafe, have a drink, some small talk and everything will fall in it's place
- >Besides
- >Everyone in Ponyville knows that you are not a one-mare type of guy
- >Someone you know will see you, find it suspicious, go to you, ask about it, and they'll help you sort everything out
- >Later on, you and your "wife" are sitting at the cafe
- >She ordered juice
- >You ordered some coffee
- >After all
- >You are at a cafe
- >You always thought that it is some kind of tradition to ordered a coffee
- >Like you were honouring the forefathers of coffeehouses
- >It all made sense
- >"Honey, should you be drinking coffee this late? You know how caffeine affects you. You won't be able to sleep all night"
- >First sign of her being a liar
- >Coffee doesn't affect you so much
- >With your youthful spirit and all that
- >Combined with the earlier fact that she put her
- GOD DAMN FILTHY HOOVES ON THE TABLE
- >Her scheme is starting to unravel
- "I'm fine"
- >The small talk starts
- >Nothing out of the ordinary
- >Just fruitless gossip
- >But then you see a familiar face
- >It's the Cakes
- "Dear, look. It's the Cakes. We should call them over"
- >"Good idea, honey!" - she waves at the couple
- >They trot to you and after a little talking in, they decide to join you
- >Perfect
- >You've known Mr. Cake since you moved to Ponyville
- >Although he got married at a younger age, he still knew how to hang out with boys
- >He knows your nature
- >He'll suspect something ASAP
- >"So what are you two doing out so late?" - Mrs Cake started the conversation
- >"Oh, Nony decided to take me out for a bit, even though he'd be working tomorrow"
- >"That's how you know true love. A man giving up his free time to spend it with his woman" - Mr Cake commented
- >What?
- >Mr Cake
- >No...
- >Come on, bro
- >Don't play along
- >No need to be my wing man
- "Um, yeah. You know me - the undying spark of love"
- >The mares started conversing
- >This was your time to talk to Mr Cake
- "So, I have this problem..."
- >"I'll say. Coffee in the evening, before a work day. You sure you can handle it?"
- "What? No! It's this mare"
- >"I getcha, boy. But ten years of marriage isn't easy, I should know"
- >What?
- >"I still remember when you told the gang you were getting married. Boy, were we shocked"
- >What?
- "It was hard to believe at first. You just started that crummy job at the mayor's office. It took you so much time to raise the money for the ring. I can't believe you still work there"
- >What?
- >Something is very wrong
- >You started your job what seems to be a week ago
- >And know one of your friends is saying that you've been working there for ten years
- >Something is very amiss
- >It was just yesterday when you were hanging out with your friends, discussing the weird social classifications, economics, pussies and all that good stuff over a beer
- >Ten years couldn't have passed
- >You look the same as you always have
- >Early twenties, green fellow with a killer sense of style
- >And as you look down, you notice that you have a belly
- >A small belly, nothing to fret
- >But it wasn't there before
- >And your slick, jet-black suit has gone a tad paler
- >How can you just notice these things?!
- >"ANON!"
- >You turn to the mares
- >"Honey, you were day-dreaming again. Mrs Cake asked you if you would help speed up her request down at the municipality"
- "Whu...oh, yes, sure, no problem"
- >"Thank you, Anon. Be sure to drop by tomorrow during your lunch break to get your doughnuts. They'll be just taken out of the oven"
- >You nod with a smile
- >"Always day-dreaming" Mr Cake continued to talk to you
- >"You haven't stopped since you got here. I remember when we were planning to start a rock band, become famous and what not. All your ideas. "Gonna be bathing in pussy and liquor" you said. Boy does time fly"
- >It sure does
- >"To think. Ten years, an office worker. They say that bureaucracy steals souls in Equestria. That's why there are so little of you here. But you turned out ok, eh?"
- >Steals souls
- >No shit
- >It stole your life
- >There is no way this could be true
- >Unless
- >One final test
- >You reach into your inner pocket
- >You take out your wallet
- >Your ID card
- >Your calendar
- >Born =//=
- >Year //==//
- >Good god
- >It is true
- >Later that evening, after the cafe, you went home with your wife
- >She went to bed and you said you will be just a minute
- >You are in the kitchen
- >You've been there for a few minutes
- >You've lit a cigarette
- >Although you stopped smoking, you still kept a pack just in case
- >The taste is revolting
- >It tastes like ten-year old tobacco, left in a moisture soaked cupboard
- >As you reminisce about your young life, you just now notice the tablecloth
- >It seems so worn out
- >Just this morning it was in top condition
- >Was all this they called a mid-life crisis?
- >Probably
- >Your grip on time slips and the next thing you know, boom, you are married and your life gone by
- >You probably could have done a lot in ten years
- >Probably
- >But now, you have a wife to support
- >Better get to bed
- >You go into your room
- >Starlight Glimmer is already fast asleep
- >That was her name
- >You change in your pajamas
- >You lie next to her, staring at the ceiling
- >You do that for the rest of the night
- >Coffee really did have an affect on you
- Duh Ent
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