Demon Transformation

I had to admit it was really good coffee.

I was always suspicious of male "allies". All too often they were just trying to get something out of women by pretending to be on our side. Some of the men who talked the best game against the forces of the patriarchy turned out to be the worst oppressors. You could never trust a man, especially if they claimed to want to help you. I sometimes thought the the fucking fascists were preferable. At least they were honest about wanting to turn you into a good little wifey. And at least they usually focused their vile sexuality on only one woman, especially since the thrice accursed portals opened.

Fortunately those guys handing out beverages at the protest seemed OK. My free coffee was by far the best latte I'd ever had. The milk was so smooth and creamy I could barely believe it. It must have been organic. I really wished I had gotten the name of the coffee place they had used. I usually discarded my meals half eaten. Living in a world as hostile to women as ours often left me too anxious to have much of an appetite. But that latte was so good I had sipped mine throughout the whole rally. As a matter of fact I actually felt like it had whet my appetite a bit. I found myself splitting off from the main group to nip over to my apartment and grab something to eat.

As I trudged up the stairs I startled my Anubis neighbor as she fumbled with her keys. She gave me her usual timid little half wave, obviously uncertain how or even if she was supposed to greet me in this situation. I felt sorry for her. She was so socially awkward I sometimes wondered if she was autistic. Lots of members of my group hated monsters but I felt they were better understood as another oppressed class. They simply needed the revolutionary vanguard to educate them about how the fascist patriarchy was mistreating them.

Finally home I set down my hemp satchel and headed for my kitchenette. First I nibbled on some kale chips, but the taste was distinctly blah. Maybe a faulty batch? I poured myself a handful of Soy Nutz®. They tasted so vile I almost vomited. Maybe they went bad? Next I tried some arugula salad left over from last night but again the taste repulsed me. What the heck was going on?! I tore through my pantry trying to find something palatable but everything I sampled either tasted disgusting or didn't satisfy my hunger at all. To my horror I realized what I was craving.

I wanted meat.

I knew it was immoral and evil but all I could think of was barbecues with my family. Visions of my Dad grilling hot dogs, hamburgers, and steaks danced through my head. I had forced him to switch to vegetarian alternatives, at least for me, long ago. But right now some grilled meat seemed like it would be the most wonderful thing in the world. I could practically smell it. But I didn't have anything like that; I hadn't bought meat in years. The market I shopped at didn't even sell it. Where could I-

Of course! My neighbor! An Anubis was a kind of dog, right? And dogs eat meat! I rushed downstairs and banged on her door.

"H-hello?" she was obviously nervous. We had never really spoken much and I could tell my intensity was intimidating her.

"Do you have any meat I could take?!"

"I-I guess..." she opened her door all the way and I ran straight to her kitchen. I knew I was being rude but I was frantic. I simply had to have meat.

I flung open her refrigerator and smiled wolfishly. Jackpot. Left over tenderloin, a package of hot dogs, cold cuts, some frozen cheeseburgers, and a raw steak. I grabbed it all and literally threw a wad of cash at her, "You're a lifesaver! Take this and just let me know if you need more!"

I ran back to my apartment and gorged myself. I threw the steak in a skillet and gobbled up the tenderloin and cold cuts while I waited for the hot dogs and cheeseburgers to cook in the microwave. Once the microwave dinged I devoured the piping hot meat and then stood impatiently by the stove waiting for the steak to finish. Finally, unwilling to bide any longer, I grabbed the barely rare meat and ate it with my hands and teeth, not even bothering with utensils. I could feel the blood dribbling down my chin and staining the front of my shirt, mocking my vegetarian ideals, but I didn't care. The faint life energy from the dead animal flowed into me, strengthening me.

Wait, what?!

It seemed obvious when I thought about it. The animal's slaughter, while not a true ritual sacrifice, was symbolically similar enough to one that I could derive some magical sustenance from it just as the old Infernals had. It was a crude energy for energy exchange of course, and the benefit was negligible compared to a proper source of mana, but it was infinitely better than consuming insensate plant matter.

How the fuck did I know that?!

Another insight began to percolate through my mind but I suppressed it through sheer force of will. I was recalling knowledge which I was certain I had never previously possessed and that terrified me. I needed to think. What could have triggered symptoms like these odd cravings and bursts of abnormal mentation? Most members of our political group were known to partake in exotic "medicines". Perhaps I'd inadvertently been exposed to something one of my friends was using to get high. Exposure to a drug might explain-

Those motherfuckers!

I knew I shouldn't have trusted a man! I KNEW it! Free coffee my ass! Those fucking scumbags DRUGGED me, and who knows how many other women! But why? And with what? I hoped that the fact I'd just sipped it would buy me some time, but how should I use it? Call an ambulance? That seemed like the obvious choice but I was leery of putting myself at the tender mercy of any patriarchal authorities, even supposedly neutral ones like the for-profit health care sector. Maybe a home remedy would be enough. I ran to the bathroom intending to rummage through my medicine cabinet. What I saw in the mirror stopped me dead in my tracks.

My skin was blue. It wasn't blue like from makeup or argyrosis. It looked like perfectly normal human skin, complete with veins and pores and little hairs, just with a light blue tint. Despite the unnatural color it seemed quite healthy. If anything I thought my complexion had improved. As I stared at my reflection in shock I had another alien insight. I knew that my internal mana reserves had finally reached critical mass and that the change could now begin in earnest. The feeling was roughly analogous to having to go to the bathroom very badly. Perhaps doubly analogous since I was worried that if I gave in to the urge it would be at least as undesirable as pissing myself. I must have stood there for almost fifteen minutes with a white knuckle grip on the edges of the sink, fighting the primal desire to give in to whatever was going to happen next.

Finally the pressure was too much. I could feel something inside me give way. There was a rushing sensation, as if my core was letting out a great invisible sigh. I cringed in anticipation. This was it! I waited for the next stage to begin. And then... nothing. I laughed in relief. That was one messed up trip. I was going to kill whichever of my friends exposed me to whatever hallucinogen was responsible for that. To think, for a minute there, I thought those men at the protest had drugged me with something that turned me blue! Mmm... men... come to think of it the guy who gave me the coffee had been pretty good looking. I flushed a little as I imagined what it might be like to actually be with a guy. If there was one thing I hated about my circle of friends it was all the dykery. Men being awful was a tragedy, not an excuse to munch carpet. God, if I could just find a decent guy... I thought about being held in strong arms... my hand strayed towards my panties...

My blue hand.

Nonononono. I had to fight this! But my clit was throbbing like it was on fire. I bit my lower lip and rationalized. I let my fingers do the walking all the time. This was no different. Heck, by masturbating I'd just be asserting control over my own sexuality as a strong independent woman who didn't need a man! Yeah, that was the ticket! I didn't need a man to give me sexual satisfaction, I could handle that fine all by myself! I'd just let off a little steam with a quick self exploration session and then try to figure out exactly what I'd been drugged with and how to deal with it.

My plan lasted all of two seconds once I started touching myself. It felt amazing. I came almost instantly and with an intensity I'd never experienced before. My juices sprayed so hard they actually made and audible splatter when they hit the tile. After that it was off the the races. I think I got myself off in every room in the apartment. Several times on the bathroom floor. Standing, kneeling, on my back, on my back with my feet pressed against the wall so I could raise my butt in the air... At some point I moved into the kitchenette and bent myself over the island pretending that my man was taking me over and over again. I vaguely remembered going into the bedroom to retrieve some pillows and getting distracted by rubbing myself on the corner of my bed. Each time I peaked I could feel an energy building up inside me. Something was driving me to keep pushing to increase that potential and I was helpless to resist. Honestly, in my pleasure addled state I don't think I wanted to stop. Soon I could tell I was near the ultimate. I threw some pillows on the arm of my sofa before straddling them and frantically grinding. I imagined that I was riding my husband's cock and begging for his seed. I rubbed my breasts and pleaded with him to fill me up. My breath came in short panting gasps as I rocked my hips ever harder and faster. Finally I could feel myself going over the edge. My eyes unfocused and I screamed for my husband to put a baby in me as my core exploded. The orgasm seemed to go on forever. When it finally subsided the energy inside me pulsed and I was overcome with a tremendous sense of lassitude. I fell to the ground in a puddle of my own fluids and passed out.

***

I woke up the next morning feeling incredibly refreshed, albeit a little disturbed at how strongly the room smelled of stale sex. What a night. Exactly how many times had I gotten off? I just hoped I had worked whatever that drug was out of my system. Probably some new date rape drug judging by the symptoms. Thank goodness I was safely home once it kicked in. I stood up, yawned, and stretched my wings before shuffling to the kitchenette. I managed to bonk my head on something on the way in and winced in pain as I massaged my tender horn roots. My tail lashed in irritation at my own carelessness.

Wait, my tail? Oh no. I slowly walked to the bathroom mirror. I knew what I was going to see but still wanted to put off the confirmation, as if that would make it less likely that this was real. My hopes were dashed as I looked into the mirror and a fucking monster girl looked back. With pale blue skin, pointy ears, bat wings, a spade tail, twisty horns, red pupils, and black sclera I cut a positively demonic figure. Of course as a monster GIRL that wasn't all. My rail thin figure had blossomed into proportions a pre-portal supermodel would have sold her soul for. Perky breasts hung enticingly over a taught tummy. My hips flared seductively and for the first time in real life I could see a thigh gap. Said soft thighs flowed gracefully into firm calves. The only part of my body that hadn't really changed much was my face. Ironic, the only thing I'd ever wanted to fix about myself was the broken nose I'd earned in a childhood tumble but that was one of the only things this repugnant transformation had left alone. Although my Daddy always said my crooked nose was cute and gave my face character...

No! That was just more controlling male bullshit! Compliments like that were designed to train women to think they only had value as objects to be appreciated by men! So what if I was more conventionally beautiful now? That was only significant if I were possessed by a man! I seethed with anger. That was the point of all this, wasn't it? Those fuckers wanted to change me into something more appealing to a ''man''. They probably figured that I'd be so pathetically grateful for the increase in positive male attention that I'd eagerly subordinate myself to one. Well fuck that and fuck them.

I took a quick mental inventory. Was I still myself? I felt like myself. I was definitely more horny than usual, but that wasn't a totally alien experience. Had the transformation warped my ideals? My vegetarianism was pretty much done for but I figured I could chalk that up to altered physiology rather than a violation of my mind. Besides, I had eaten meat before. At least my earlier train of thought indicated that my political beliefs hadn't changed which seemed like a good sign.

Then I "remembered" that magic could not directly change a person's soul. At most it could encourage change by giving someone options they didn't have before. Like giving a powerless man a little bit of authority over his fellows. He would have the opportunity to give in to temptation and become a tyrant which he wouldn't have had otherwise, but the act of giving him the power wouldn't make him a tyrant in and of itself. He still had to choose. That was why a truly devoted Paladin could theoretically wade through an infinite amount of Demonic Energy and keep fighting. I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of an implacable armor plated man coming to chop me in half.

It was a little strange having these tidbits of information pop into my head but it seemed to fit the model I'd just realized. OK, I was a sexpot. OK, I probably had the libido of a teenaged boy now. OK, I seemed to have access to an internal library of strange mystic knowledge. Those were all just things I could either use or endure. I was still me and I still decided what I would do and why I did it. Then and there I resolved that I'd use these new powers to exact horrible revenge on the men who did this to me. They thought this would make me an obedient little waifu? Ha! I was a fucking demon now! I would be the fascist patriarchy's worst nightmare! None of them could stand up to me in a fair fight now. (I pointedly didn't think about the Orders Militant. Fucking magic knights didn't count.) Better yet, as a monster girl I could move freely among them. I could raise consciousness in my new sisters and inspire them to throw off their shackles! Maybe I could be the monster girl Lenin!

***

My grim course was set. All that was left was to act on it. I took a quick shower to wash off the residue of the last night's excesses. It took longer than I anticipated to figure out how to wash some of my new body parts. Washing my tail for example felt a little... obscene. I also might have taken the time to get myself off again. Hey, I needed to satisfy that urge so I wouldn't be tempted to fill that hole with a man! After my shower I realized that none of my clothes would fit my new body. I thought for a moment and "remembered" that I could just magic up an ensemble. I pressed my fingers to my forehead, concentrated, and hey presto I was wearing a new outfit. Unfortunately, it turned out to be stiletto heels with lacy panties and a ribbed bustier. To my frustration a few more attempts revealed that I didn't know how to conjure non-sexy clothes. I finally settled on a pair of thigh high boots and long gloves with a baroque metal bikini. At least my limbs were covered. I'd figure out how to make a sweater or something later.

As prepared for the day as I thought I could manage at present the first order of business was to reconnoiter the area. Fortunately I had wings now. They didn't seem very aerodynamically practical though... maybe they were just a kind of built in kinky accessory? As I craned my neck to examine my own batlike wings I experienced the now familiar sensation of remembering something I was certain I had never known before. Armed with the new knowledge I spread my wings and willed a flow of my mana to them. The results were both immediate and painful as I shot upwards and banged my head. Cursing at both the pain and the future trial of fixing horn holes in my ceiling I moved my experiments outside. I quickly discovered that I was capable of two basic forms of aerial locomotion. By energizing my wings with a trickle of mana I could flap them to produce a propulsive effect far beyond what aerodynamics decreed was possible. Alternately, by increasing the amount of mana I could use my wings like sails, with my own magic providing the "wind". I could also combine the two techniques for advanced maneuvers. After a few ultra low altitude trial circuits of the parking lot I decided to spread my wings and see what I could do.

It was INCREDIBLE! I effortlessly sailed above the tree line and worked my way up to an exhilarating speed. I had flying dreams all the time when I was small, so this was literally a dream come true. I did a loop de loop and a few barrel rolls while laughing in childish glee. I rocketed up and then let myself fall before catching myself and going into a high speed dive. I glided parallel to a boulevard, letting my fingers run through the uppermost leaves of its trees. I blasted over the lake going so low and so fast that I left a wake in the water. I hadn't had this much fun in years! I felt so free!

Er, I mean that I was getting better at leveraging this particular monster power. I definitely wasn't enjoying this! Familiarity with my monster abilities was essential to my revenge crusade, that was all.

Speaking of which I decided I should probably start actually working on my plan to subvert monsterkind's support for the patriarchy. Casting about I noticed some movement around the top of a tall building. Other fliers like me? I circled closer, staying low to try to remain inconspicuous, and landed on a nearby rooftop to observe. Tomo Tower was owned by some monster controlled conglomerate, one of those raccoon-thing ones if I remembered correctly. Obviously I had never had business there before and was surprised to see that there were two abbreviated runways sticking out of the roof. Judging by the air traffic one was for takeoffs and one for landings. Curious, I watched for a while and before ascending and mimicking the approach path of the landing monsters I had observed.

***

Apparently there was no air traffic control for fliers as small and slow as monster girls because no one yelled at me for landing on my own initiative. The runway itself was just a flat area outlined by some electric lights. Curious, I followed an arrow painted on the floor and walked through a large glass door to enter the building proper. A large sign welcomed me to "The Bird Feeder" and I was hit by melange of tantalizing aromas. The restaurant was decorated in a rustic style and flying monster girls of all shapes and sizes were crouching or sitting at rough hewn tables chatting and eating. I had never seen so many monsters before, let alone such a variety, but my eye was drawn to a massive boar roasting on a spit in their kitchen. I had burned up quite a bit of mana and calories flying around all morning... before I knew it I was standing in front of the counter staring at the boar with my mouth watering.

"Ah, I see you have a good eye." a burly man wearing a chef's apron approached me. His mana seemed wholesome but somehow uninteresting. "Our game meat comes fresh from the new wilderness survival zone up North."

I wasn't sure how to feel about this. I knew I probably couldn't be a vegetarian anymore with this body, but was hunted meat more or less ethical than farmed meat?

"We're part of a food collective that works with hunters living the sylvan life up there. Lots of beast and insect types. See here?" he pointed to a neat incision along the dead animal's jugular, "Mantis. They stare the boar down, let it charge, and then snicker-snack with those arm blades of theirs. Cleaner and faster than just about any knife. Animal usually bleeds out before it even realizes it got tagged."

I guessed that sounded relatively humane. I also vaguely remembered a National Public Radio story about the wilderness zone. It was mostly about how increasing numbers of young men were disappearing into its depths, but they had grudgingly admitted that all the plant monsters were creating a great home for many threatened animals. So maybe it was OK to support that?

"Um, OK... how, which... I'm not sure..." I realized I had no idea how to order a cut of meat.

"Oh Honey, this poor thing must be starving!" there was a metallic blur and a meaty thwack. "Here, I know your kind like the muscley parts." a huge spider thing with horns was offering me a plate with a juicy looking haunch on it. If the dripping cleaver in her other hand was anything to go by she had lopped off the cut faster than I could see. Just how powerful were some of these monsters?

A little unnerved I thanked her and paid the man. I also studiously tried to ignore the fact that she was leering at him and kneading one of his butt cheeks while he worked the register. I could sense that their mana was somehow in sync. Were they married? Was that why his mana was so unappealing to me? I rolled the implications around in my head as I walked to an empty table and absentmindedly took a bite out of the meat.

All philosophical considerations were immediately driven from my head. The flavor was indescribable. The supermarket tier meat from yesterday had merely been tasty. This was ambrosia. It wasn't just high quality meat prepared well. The boar had been a fierce and noble creature felled in honorable combat. I could feel its vibrant life energy revitalizing me. For the next several minutes eating that haunch was my whole world. After I had reduced my meal to cracked bones with the marrow sucked out I leaned back in my chair, sated. I had never had so much mana and was feeling pretty good about myself.

***

That was when I noticed her. She had just entered the restaurant from the landing runway and sported batwings, a spade tail, and forward pointing horns. Obviously some kind of demon like me, but with a much more humanlike coloration . Her skin was impossibly fair and she had even more improbable proportions. Long, silky blond hair flowed all the way down her back and was complemented nicely by her gleaming blue eyes. Despite having become a pre-portal 10/10 just this morning I was still a little jealous. What really grabbed my attention was her mana. Just a few moments ago I had felt like hot stuff, but compared to her my magic reserves were like a sneeze competing with a hurricane. I stared in shock wondering how she got so powerful.

She must have noticed me staring because she walked over to my table with a sad smile on her face. "I remember the single life. Don't worry sister, I'm sure there's a guy out there for you. Believe me, if I can get a man then you definitely can."

I wanted to chastise her. This was the perfect opportunity to enact my plan! She had just assumed my gender, implied that a woman was incomplete without a man, and asserted a heteronormative worldview. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. She was so sincere. She really seemed to want the best for me, a total stranger. Instead of tearing into her I just stammered, suddenly very cognizant of the fact that my face was covered in pork grease.

Fortunately I was literally saved by the bell when a large elevator I hadn't noticed before dinged. The succubus winked at me and whispered "Don't forget, mana is stored in the balls!" before moving towards the opening door. A dark haired man, a towheaded human boy, and a little raven haired succubus girl quickly intercepted her. The children happily exclaimed "Mommy beat the elevator!" before slamming into her and hugging her legs. She smiled at them and tousled their hair before favoring the man with a loving gaze. The entire scene made me feel odd.

Most people in my circles either engaged in non-procreative sexual practices or availed themselves of a strict birth control schedule. I just wasn't used to seeing children. But now that I looked around, there were tons of kids here. Across from me a man and a butterfly woman were tearing up a head of lettuce and feeding the pieces one by one to a pudgy caterpillar girl. A short lizard woman in a booth cradled a baby in her wings and blushed furiously as her male companion helped her undo her top so the infant could nurse. In the corner a large extended harpy family was having some kind of celebration under a banner reading "HAPPY FIRST FLIGHT!". By the window a crow woman was doing a weird wing flapping dance. A toddler sat on the crow's husband's lap, watching intently with a fierce look of determination on her face as she clumsily flapped her tiny wings in unison with her Mommy.

Maternal sentiment swelled in my breast as I watched these scenes play out. I tried to fight it. This was how the patriarchy controlled women! It wanted us to be nothing more than brood mares. It wanted us in to be cooks and sex objects, not scientists or doctors! Granted, I had never considered motherhood and my academic career hadn't led me to within shouting distance of Differential Equations or Organic Chemistry, but still. Early marriage and motherhood was just a patriarchal ploy to prevent women from breaking the glass ceiling. I knew that. But the things I was seeing were awakening a part of me I'd ignored for a long time... and I knew that part of me wasn't created by my transformation.

My internal conflict was interrupted by giggling. A small boy was running away from his playfully growling sister. Unfortunately he wasn't looking were he was going and ran right into an empty chair at my table. He promptly fell flat on his butt and started crying. Before I realized what I was doing I had him in my arms and was making soothing noises. I could sense the pain radiating from his forehead and reached out with my magic. Under ordinary circumstances using magic like mine on a child would have terrible consequences. But this boy had literally come out of a monster girl; he was practically immune to the side effects of "mamono mana". I quickly burned through a big chunk of my reserves and healed him. Healing magic was way outside of my natural strengths but for a minor injury like this I could manage it. Ruinously inefficient, but I would to anything to make that poor little guy feel better. To my relief he stopped crying immediately.

At that point I realized my instincts were screaming for me to look up. I did so and froze in terror as I saw a dragon charging towards me. The look on her face promised death to anyone who got in her way. I almost cried with relief when she got closer and her expression softened. Hopefully she noticed that I had just healed the boy.

"Tristan! Lightning! I told you two not to run in the restaurant! You could have been badly hurt!"

"Sowwy Momma..."

"Now thank the nice lady for making your boo boo go away, Tristan."

The little boy childishly patted my arm, "Tank oo, nice wady."

My heart melted and I involuntarily murmured, "He's so cute."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the Dragon puffing up with pride, "Well of course, he's my son after all." she waved her claw magnanimously, "You may hold him for a bit if you like."

I stared into the little boy's bright green eyes. Total innocence, wonder, and curiosity stared back. I desperately fought the warm feeling suffusing my chest. 'P-patriarchal trap' I thought impotently as my maternal instincts threatened to escape the cage I'd put them in.

"T-that's OK. Thanks. G-g-goodbye." panicking, I offered the boy back to his mother. I was extremely aware of all the eyes on me.

"Poor girl. Spaghetti." I heard someone say as I turned and practically fled to the exit runway.

****

Back in the air I tried to put that whole experience behind me. That nonsense had to be the transformation, not me. I was a strong, independent woman. What interest did I have in nurturing a sweet little boy? Or teaching a cute little daughter? Or gently holding a gurgling baby with shining eyes to my breast and feeding it with my own-

Argh! This was ridiculous! I didn't want to be some stupid housefrau pumping out babies! I felt angry with myself for being so wobbly on my core political principles. Stoking that anger I decided to try a different tactic. Maybe I could use these monster powers to turn the tables on men? Yes, that was it! With my strength and speed I could make those arrogant pigs feel as unsafe as women did every day!

I flew as high as I dared without entering what I figured was airplane altitude. The whole city was spread out before me up here. I opened up my senses and my vision lit up with the ethereal light of the residents' mana. Most areas shone with a variety of lights but some stood out. The lights at the military base felt hard and jagged. The monster part of town shone like a beacon and I could see that many of the lights were moving in pairs, exchanging energy and glowing all the brighter for it. The bad part of town glimmered sickly, almost poisonously, but the miasma was shot through with pure and enticing solitary lights. My alma mater was the opposite. It was filled with bright, beautiful lights but the whole area was obscured by a dark shadow being emitted by a small minority of dark pinpoints. The implications of what I was seeing troubled me but I wasn't in any mood to reflect upon them. I shook my head to clear it and tried to pick out a likely target amongst the constellation of possibilities.

There! A light drew my eye. I somehow knew it would be perfect for my purposes. I poured mana into my wings and shot towards it. Again I landed on a nearby rooftop to observe. Yes, this was the perfect target. A lone white man, his mana screaming "heterosexual virgin", walking alone. The privilege! As a woman I always felt nervous walking alone, but here he was taking a shortcut through an alley like he owned the town. A toothy grin split my face. I'd teach him what it was like to be a woman in a patriarchal world! The hard way.

I could have just dive bombed him and ended it in an instant, but the whole point of this was to make him experience a woman's fear. I silently glided behind him and landed gracefully on my tiptoes. No reaction. Stifling a cruel giggle I reached out with my mana. The temperature dropped and shadows deepened. Long forgotten instincts buried in the man's lizard brain told him that something was very wrong. He spun around looking for the source of his unease to see something out of a nightmare: a six foot tall bat winged demon with glowing red eyes surrounded by a writhing aura of shadowy energy. I smiled cruelly and reveled in his terror. This is what the Infernals of old had craved! Not love and semen!

I have to admit I was a little surprised when he pulled the gun. A large bore revolver like that could potentially be a problem depending on what kind of ammo it was loaded with. I darted forward with inhuman speed and effortlessly slapped it out of his hand like he was a child. A gentle push was enough to send him flying backwards to slam into the alley wall. As he lay stunned I permitted myself a full throated diabolical laugh and strode towards him. In his panicked state he was practically broadcasting his surface emotions. Fear, uncertainty, confusion, shame- wait, shame? Why-

Then I remembered.

This wasn't one of the new memories granted to me by my transformation. This was one of my own. As a matter of fact I'd gotten quite a bit of mileage out of this memory over the years. The way I told it my family had been walking through a part of town my parents looked down on as "seedy"- obviously just because it was a minority neighborhood. When we were approached by a group of young minority men my father had made a very racist assumption and actually pulled a gun on the poor youths. They had fled in terror as he hurled bigoted epithets at them. This story was always a big hit in my circles. It had it all: blatant racism, white guilt, and the frisson of fear inspired by the thought of an actual real life GUN! Looking back though, I left a lot out. The fear I had felt when the men had surrounded us. The crude and suggestive comments they'd made. The way they'd looked at me and how dirty it had made me feel. The overwhelming relief when my father drew the gun and I saw how frightened they suddenly became of him.

I also remembered something I hadn't thought about for a very long time. Later that night, unable to sleep, I heard sounds coming from my parents' bedroom and crept to their door to eavesdrop. In retrospect they were probably having gentle sex but what I heard was my father crying and my mother trying to comfort him. He was confessing how scared he had been and how ashamed he was of being scared.

Just like this guy.

My ears drooped. What was I doing? What was terrorizing this poor, random guy going to accomplish? He obviously already felt that his personal safety wasn't guaranteed given that he was carrying a gun. All I was doing was emasculating him, proving to him that no matter how well he prepared a powerful monster could still defeat him. He was humiliated by the fact that he was frightened and intimated by me, a nigh unstoppable fighting machine. Now that I thought about it despite being anxious my whole life I had never felt like a failure because of that fear. I had never even considered the weight of the expectations placed on the men in my life or how much I had depended on them in the past. Guilt overwhelmed me.

"H-hey, I'm sorry." I wanted to claim that I hadn't meant to startle him but I just couldn't do it, "I wanted to scare you, but I'm starting to realize how mean that was..."

He looked incredulous, "Why?!"

I wanted to come up with a convincing story, but again I just couldn't lie to him. I settled for staring at my feet and scuffing my boot. The man used the distraction to edge towards his fallen gun without taking his eyes off me, "Is this whole thing some kind of screwed up monster mating ritual?"

Come to think it his mana was rather enticing. We were very compatible. Was that why I had picked him out earlier? "Not... intentionally..."

What? I had meant that to be a full denial! Was I now incapable of outright lying?!

"Well, fuck off." he finally made it to the gun and holstered it, "I'm going to leave now. Don't follow me."

"No!" the thought of him leaving while mad at me was sickening, "Please let me make it up to you somehow!"

He raised an eyebrow, waiting. I racked my brain. Ah! I could tell he wasn't eating very well. I could get him to sign a contract making me responsible for cooking- wait, what? Why a contract? Better keep this simple, "Let me get you a burger or something. My treat."

"Are you SURE this isn't some kind of mating ritual?"

Oooooh, he was tempting me... various deviously worded contractual clauses flashed through my brain. I could tie him up with obligations to dates, kisses, hugs, marriage, babies... I visualized a set of nastily recursive clauses which sounded like horribly dire claims on his life but actually forced me to play the role of anything ranging from a submissive sex kitten to a dominant mistress depending on what his preferences were...

Argh! What the heck was with the sudden contract fetish? Most of the stuff I was thinking about was stuff you would do in a relationship anyway! Yet every time I looked at him my mind immediately went to overly complex legal documents signed in blood. Was this new obsession with convoluted legalistic terminology related to my inability to lie directly? Whatever. Maybe I should just tell him the truth.

"Look, I just recently turned into a monster. I'm still trying to figure it all out. Trying to scare you was part of that, but now I see it was wrong. I'm sorry about that. Doubly so since now that I look at you, you seem like a guy who I could be interested in. I would like to make it up to you and, I won't lie, I would be ecstatic if you considered it a date."

He gave me a very strange look, "You're weird even for a monster girl. But it least you seem honest. Come on, I know a place near here."

I had to resist squealing with glee like a little girl. I didn't know if this would work out, but at least he wouldn't leave hating me. There was just one last thing bothering me.

"Oh, thank you so much! I really am sorry. Also, this might sound weird, but please don't sign anything I give you. At least not without a thorough review by an expert lawyer." I grinned sheepishly, "You see, I have this little problem with contracts..."