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Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:06 PM
Sorry I didn't contact you yesterday! My router is broken so I have to be at the library
flint - Today at 6:22 PM
how have things been going?
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:22 PM
About the same really
flint - Today at 6:23 PM
you thought of what i told you?
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:23 PM
I can't bring myself to do it
flint - Today at 6:25 PM
have you asked your parents for help to get you the food/drinks?
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:26 PM
No. And I don't intend too. It's just  going to make the tension worse
flint - Today at 6:26 PM
do you wanna get better?
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:27 PM
I do. But I don't see a way
flint - Today at 6:28 PM
you feel there is a forcefeild/boundery between you/your parents?
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:28 PM
Oh yeah. It's a something we're never going to be able to reconcile.
flint - Today at 6:30 PM
so you a lazy neet who /wants/ to be on hormones and /wants/ to not be homeless but you are scared you might have mindfog when talking to them and might say something wrong?
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:32 PM
I'm not lazy. I've tried and tried and tried to resolve this but it never seems to pan out. I go to therapy and have been for years. I've tried my hand at working for over 2 years and it always ends in faliure due to my emotional incompetence. I've gotten to the point where I just cant see another option other than  to give up.
flint - Today at 6:32 PM
yep. been there before>
the pills they gave me just made me feel worse and i wanted to be fired when i was working
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:34 PM
That's the other  thing about jobs. Every time I try them I become dangerously suicidal. I have no stress tolerance to speak of
Honestly part ofme just wants to end it
flint - Today at 6:34 PM
and they kept giving me more things and telling me what i already knew
and they kept making it worse
you did not do anything
the ouside +the pills messing you up did
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:36 PM
They do. Pills are awful
The only pills I take are those for sleep
Otherwise I'd never sleep thanks to the night terrors
flint - Today at 6:36 PM
are your parents understanding?
am sure they been through depression just like you before
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:37 PM
Not in the slightest. They used to be but they're tired of it. They don't understand PTSD at all or how much it effects me. They thought it would be something I could just get over like depression or my ED
flint - Today at 6:38 PM
i meant in general 'understanding' and 'supportive'
i understand just seeing their son just rot away turning into bones would wanna make them think like how they do now
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:39 PM
Not lately. They used to be. Lately they're just ffrustrated and angry at me for not healing
They think I should be better, that I'm not trying
flint - Today at 6:40 PM
your preants are just trying to be good role-models
they only know how /they/ dealt with things
and how /they/ helped with it
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:41 PM
I don't know and honestly I don't care. If there is one mativation I have in my life, it's to get as far away from them as possible. Honestly I hate them. They spend money to help me then make me feel guilty for it. They berate me for being trans. They act like I'm a liar. I hate them.
Even when they support me, they use it as a weapon
flint - Today at 6:41 PM
ow the edge
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:42 PM
I'm just saying the truth. This is what they do. They spent a bunch of money on therapy which is all well and good but then they turn around and use it as a stick to beat me with. As if chose this.
flint - Today at 6:49 PM
maybe if you stopped being an edgelord and stop trying to /not/ give in to when people /try/ to help you.
maybe things will be better
but right now, ye being an edgelord and need to stay away from toxic places like 4chan r9k/b and pol mostly.
muh boomers
muh jews
muh NPCs
muh incel
muh redpill maymays
you may think you be smaryz knowing about #woke memes and redpills but to others, you look like an edgelord.
if you do not want them to keep paying you to see an armchair pill dispensor,
text/write a note/contact your parents somehow and tell them to buy you the right food/drinks to build up protein/energy.
you gunna regreat when people try to help you and you not take it
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:50 PM
What in the world are you talking about? I don't believe in any of that nonsense. It's not that I'm blameless in this if that's what you're thinking. There's a lot I could've done earlier. But you're making me out to be something I'm entirely not
flint - Today at 6:51 PM
then use your depression/sadness/angry whatever as fuel to make your life better
the train cannot go anywhere if it has no coal in it
do it
fuck your feelings
make your depression your fetish and make it your bitch
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:53 PM
Whatever man. You have no idea what you're talking about with me. You talk as if you know me but you couldn't be further off. So don't berate me  as if this is some tough love shit.
flint - Today at 6:53 PM
i do have an idea of what i am talking about you meme loving heck
i am 28years old
i been through depression
and on edge of homelessness
because i was doing yankee dooshit in me room
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:54 PM
Seriously. You don't know me. Don't project yourself on me. I am not like you. We may share similar circumstance but we are not alike.
flint - Today at 6:55 PM
then how are you going to get better if you just give in all the time?
if you wanna kys, i can help you with that
if you wanna get better
i can help you with that
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 6:56 PM
Don't  you get  it? The last  ten years of my life was me fighting tooth and nail to  heal. And it wasn't a complete faliure. My anorexia and depression are mostly under my control. But there are some battles I can't win. I have been fighting for ten years to cure PTSD. Ten years. And I am no  slacker. But there are some fights you just have to see as unpassable.
flint - Today at 7:00 PM
wow
just like me started in 07 and people been dropping like flys around me. people that i CARED AND LOVED! i been through about 5-6 phases of depression.
it was not a complete fail because you stay have not gave up and fought to still go! if you can do that, i know you can make your life better!
PTSD cannot be cured because it is called POST[PTSD] for a reason.
Autumn_Isotope - Today at 7:01 PM
I don't think we have anything further to gain from this conversation. You don't  know anything about what my struggles are and you don't understand what I've done to solve it.
flint - Today at 7:02 PM
yeah,
you gunna be fine kid.
you just going through a phase.