/bootleg/ Anon

Jun 21st, 2018
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  1. By Captain Conundrum
  3. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  5. >you are anon
  6. >and you're at the bar your best buds, david d. davidson, incognito, and mysterious question mark face man
  7. >drinking challenges, pool, just shooting the shit, the works
  8. >really a great time all in all
  9. >the night rolls by all too quickly due to the merriment and comraderie
  10. >the four of you decide call it a night at around 3 am
  11. >so you pile up in the shitty minivan belonging to the designated drunk driver, david so he can drop the lot of you off
  12. >and you'll be damned if you didn't call shotgun
  13. >nobody said driving drunk was a good idea, but that was what you guys did anyway. david could handle it.
  14. >and it went pretty well, no cops or anything
  15. >right up until it stopped going well
  16. >a horse had jumped its fence and was just idly standing in the road
  17. >time seemed like it slowed down as david deftly dodged the dullard of an equine
  18. >but he overcorrected and ended up spinning the tail end of the minivan to the point of being perpendicular to how it should be in the lane
  19. nice one da-
  20. >your compliment about avoiding that thing is stopped in your throat as a bright light floods your vision
  21. >you barely have time to turn your head to see that it's a semi truck that just came over a hill
  22. >barreling right at you
  23. >you grit your teeth and prepa-
  24. >blackness
  25. >you suddenly wake up, panic gripping your body
  26. >it starts to fade as you realize it was just a dream
  27. >it felt so real, though....
  28. >wait
  29. >this isn't where you normally wake up
  30. >is it?
  31. >you don't think it is
  32. >this looks like the inside of a cardboard box
  33. >you don't remember falling asleep in a cardboard box
  34. >but maybe you do sleep in a box...
  35. >normally you don't sleep standing up either
  36. >which you realize is how you woke up.
  37. >something poking at the small of your back breaks you out of your inner ramblings of confusion
  38. >you lazily shoo it away with your left hand, then turn around to see wh-
  39. >a small brightly colored horse thing is retracting its hoof
  40. >pony?
  41. >pony is definitely the right word
  42. >she looks like she might be a little...disappointed?
  43. >a small window pops up in the corner of your vision
  44. >that's....normal?
  45. >yes. that's normal. that's supposed to happen.
  46. >'new owner recognized. introduce to remove window.'
  47. >might as well do what it says
  48. hey! i'm anenmuss, nice to meet you.
  49. >the window in your vision disappears
  50. >the disappointment wasn't exactly evident earlier, just kind of looked maybe disappointed ish
  51. >but now she really looks disappointed
  52. >you return her frown
  53. >but not for the same reason
  54. anenmuss?
  55. >something feels off about your name, but you can't quite pin it
  56. >the drinking last night must have really thrown you for a loop.
  57. >that's definitely it
  58. >you nod
  59. >and hear an odd click in your neck that you promptly ignore
  60. >your elbow stings like fuck as you hold out a hand towards her looking for a hand...hoof...shake thing
  61. >something isn't quite right with your hand either
  62. >but you'll check those out after the introduction is done
  63. what's your name?
  64. >the white unicorn with a weirdly squiggly purple mane extends her hoof and puts it in your hand
  65. >"i am rarity. it is a pleasure to meet you as well, darling.
  66. >that look of disappointment in her face is definitely in her voice as well
  67. >even if she tried to mask it you can still hear it
  68. >despite this you smile and give a firm but not agressive shake
  69. >with a grimace at the pain in your elbow you pull back your right hand to examine it
  70. >the grimace earns look of concern from rarity which you see out of the periphery of your vision
  71. >looking at what is wrong with your hand is more of a pressing matter than her concern though
  72. >you can cheer her up after you're done looking
  73. >and what you see disturbs you to your core
  74. >your thumb is completely missing
  75. >an empty socket where it should be is full of mechanical things like gears, wires, and sockets
  76. >where your middle finger should be is a metal rod that extends to where your first knuckle should be
  77. that's...not supposed to be like that.
  78. >you gingerly poke at the rod with your other hand
  79. >and grit your teeth with a hiss
  80. >yep, that hurts
  81. >gingerly you put your right arm by your side, trying not to wince
  82. rarity, do you know what happened to my fingers? they're.....not where they're supposed to be.
  83. >she frowns as you look her in the eye
  84. >"maybe they fell off while you were being shipped, ano-anenmuss. they could still be in the box.
  85. a fine place to start the search. and so begins the tale of anonymous and the mysterious case of the missing filanges. with the help of rarity will they find the dastardly culprit of anenmuss's missing fingers? or will they find themselves at an impassible block? only time will tell. tune in next episode to find out!
  86. >you flash rarity a cheeky smirk
  87. >which illicits a giggle form the little mare
  88. >she still looks a bit disappointed after she's done though
  89. >no matter
  90. >you start whistling that tune you know from that video game you played
  91. >the one about that lawer guy
  92. >can't quite remember the name though
  93. >you try to kneel down to start looking at the bottom of the box
  94. >but you find that you're unable to
  95. OH WHAT NOW?
  96. >the outburst startles rarity but she regains composure quickly
  97. >you try to bend your left knee
  98. >it won't move at all
  99. >reaching down with your left hand you try to make it bend
  100. >but it won't budge even a little
  102. >"what's wrong darling?"
  103. my knee won't work. can you...uh....
  104. >you look around, then spot a couch
  105. could you just help me over to the couch please? i just need a few moments to...think.
  106. >"you mean the chase lounge, darling. and of course i can, anen. you don't mind if i call you that, do you?"
  107. only friends can call me that. so i don't mind at all if you do.
  108. >you shoot her a small smile, which she returns
  109. >you place your left hand on her back and hobble over to the cou- chase lounge
  110. >intentionally collapsing onto it face first, you notice something rather peculiar about it
  111. >and proceed to speak your findings directly to the sofa thing itself
  112. >sofa things deserve compliments too
  113. mmm. comfy.
  114. >"what was that, anen?"
  115. >you pull yourself up onto the lounge and pull your bum leg up onto it
  116. i said it was comfy, my alabaster equine companion.
  117. >"well, i do only purchase the most fabulous of furniture!"
  118. >she strikes a rather dramatic pose
  119. and your impeccable taste in leisure furniture is not lost on me.
  120. >you give her another smile
  121. >which she returns warmly
  122. >oh man, she doesn't have that disappointed look anymore
  123. >progress!
  124. >at least for now. whatever is bothering her is probably gonna come back
  125. >why are you acting so friendly with this mare?
  126. >you don't know anything about her beyond her name
  127. >it's almost as if you can't even help it
  128. >she seems nice though
  129. >you recall the nightmare that woke you up earlier as you look down at your hand once more
  130. maybe....last night did happen
  131. >"hmm? whatever do you mean?"
  132. would explain why i'm i'm all fucked up....
  133. >"anen?"
  134. maybe it gave me some sort of partial amnesia?....
  135. >she puts a hoof on your leg
  136. >you turn your head to look her in the eyes
  137. >she has a look of confusion and concern on her face
  138. please, pay it no mind rarity. perhaps later i'll tell you. it's not really an issue at the moment. could me a favor and look in the box?
  139. >an unnerving thought strikes you
  140. and then bring me a mirror please, if you wouldn't mind.
  141. >"yes, of course, darling. you take all the time you need to think."
  142. >if your fingers are missing and you're full of robot parts you shudder to think what the rest of you looks like
  143. >but you have to see
  144. >you need to know
  145. >rarity comes out of the large box
  146. >her horn is glowing, which is pretty neat
  147. >and things are floating around her!
  148. are you doing that? you point to the floating objects near her head with the hand that won't cause your elbow to hurt if you move it
  149. oh, this? of course i am, you silly sta-..hmm...yes, right. i forgot there isn't magic in your world. yes, anen. i'm doing this.
  150. >wut
  151. that raises so many questions. but i have enough on my plate to process as it is, so i won't ask about it for now. what did you find in the box?
  152. >"well, i found part of your finger, and your owners manual. unfortunately there wasn't anything else in the box. but fret not!
  153. >she strikes another dramatic pose
  154. >you may be a robot, but you're still my friend! as the element of generosity i will help you as much as i can!"
  155. owners manual?....
  156. >"yes, darling. was right there in the box you came in."
  157. >the finger part floats over to you, and you gingerly grab it out of the air
  158. >it looks like the cover to the section of your middle finger that's still present
  159. i guess i am a robot. it's still unnerving to hold one of your own body parts.
  160. >the covering of the finger section slides on effortlessly, albiet painfully, then clicks and locks in place
  161. >"oh, right. a mirror. i'll be right back, anen."
  162. >you spend the rather small amount of time rarity is fetching the mirror staring into the mechanical void where your thumb should be
  163. >attempting to move the missing digit results in some relays in there clicking and a couple gears turning
  164. >it's rather fascinating to watch despite the unnerving fact that a part of you that's been there for your whole life is absent
  165. >your friend rarity comes back with a handmirror rather quickly
  166. >you take it and steel your nerves before looking into it
  167. >at first glance you look like you should
  168. >but upon closer inspection you find all sorts of small things that aren't quite right
  169. >your eyes are a bit too big
  170. >the irises within them look like apertures rather than irises
  171. >your hair looks like a big mass of hair from a brushable doll
  172. >at least it's the right color
  173. >you'd probably find more things wrong, but the uncannyness of looking at your reflection is too much
  174. >you hold the mirror out to the little white pony
  175. take it, please. i'm done looking.
  176. >you feel a tug at the mirror and let it go as it becomes surrounded by a sparkling aura thing
  177. >"let's take a look at the manual, shall we?"
  178. >you give her a warm smile
  179. sounds like a great idea
  180. >you pat the chase lounge with your good arm as an invitation for rarity to sit next to you
  181. >she accepts the invitation and climbs up onto the furniture to take a seat while retaining a close but reasonable proximity to you
  182. >the manual in rarity's magical grasp opens and the two of you peer at the contents held within
  184. >rarity giggles
  185. >"hmm...let's see...basic and outer shell....mechanics....mystic circuitry...i think what we're looking for is in mechanics"
  186. mystic circuitry? like...magical computer chips?
  187. >"i suppose so?"
  188. we'll look at that later. let's see if we can find how to fix my knee and elbow first.
  189. >the more time you spend thinking about it, the heavier it weighs upon your mind
  190. >you're a robo thingy
  191. >the pony that bought you is disappointed
  192. >you're not what she expected
  193. >you've always been a robot
  194. >but you're not entirely sure about that
  195. >you try thinking back further to confirm or deny you've always been a rob-
  196. >"anen?"
  197. >rarity is poking your leg with a forehoof
  198. >which snaps you out of your thoughts
  199. yes, rarity? sorry about that. i was thinking again.
  200. >she gives you a rather odd look before responding
  201. >"it says right here how to get into your leg and arm to take a look at them. i'm no mechanic pony, but i can still take a look to see if anything is broken or jammed."
  202. that would be great! leg fir-
  203. >"it does say it's highly reccomended to shut down your companion prior to doing this since they can feel pain. this is...blah blah blah...avoid damage or exacerbating already damaged parts."
  204. exacerbate? what does that mean?
  205. >" make it worse i believe. something like that."
  206. oh. well, i'm not sure i like the sound of being shut down. pain doesn't sound too good an option either. yeah, i guess shut me down. just please don't take too long.
  207. >"i'll try to be as quick as i can, darling."
  208. >she puts a hoof against your temple
  209. thanks ra-
  210. >blackness
  212. >"anon!"
  213. you blink a few times and look to your side
  214. >mysterious question mark face man is looking at you
  215. i.....sorry, i was...zoning out for a little bit there. what's up?
  216. >"it's your shot"
  217. >you look down at the pool table in front of you
  218. >when did you get here?
  219. >you could have sworn you were just somewhere else
  220. >probably were just zoning out too hard
  221. >that's gotta be it
  222. >glancing over to your side you see david and incognito just chatting and drinking
  223. >right. you're out with your friends, having a good time
  224. >you line up the shot and hit the cue ball
  225. >and sink the two striped balls left on the table
  226. nice.
  227. >mysterious question mark face man grunts
  228. >can't be too happy about how hard he's about to lose by
  229. >line up the shot to sink the 8 ball
  230. >boom
  231. >game over
  232. better luck next time, mq.
  233. >"yeah, right. i've never beaten you at pool. don't know why i even play against you."
  234. for fun?
  235. >"fair enough"
  236. >you look over the table, then at all your friends
  237. >an overwhelming sense of deja vu comes over you
  238. >strong enough to put your guts in a knot
  239. >you try to shrug it off but the feeling stays
  240. >doesn't really matter anyway, you've got fun to have.
  241. >and you do just that
  242. >all the friendship and comradarie you share with your friends doesn't quite shake the feeling
  243. >even so it doesn't put too much of a damper on the night
  244. >despite the discomfort of constantly feeling deja vu, the night flies by
  245. >the four of you decide to call it a night, and pack up into davids van so he can get all of you guys home
  246. >you're all just shooting the shit, making jokes, and just enjoying each others company
  247. >up until you and david see a horse in the road
  248. >he does a good job of avoiding it
  249. nice one da-
  250. >oh no
  251. >no no please god NO
  252. >you turn your head in time to be blinded by a pair of bright lights
  254. >you jolt out of your sitting position in an overwhelming panic and nearly fall off the lounge
  255. >the sudden lurch causes rarity to yelp and jump back
  256. wait...what the fuck...i was just...i was just in the van...
  257. >you slowly bring your hands up to your forehead
  258. >or at least one of them. your right elbow hurts way too much when you try to move it.
  259. >you rest your head in your left hand to at least try to help you relax and process what just happened
  260. >"anen? are you alright?"
  261. >you look over at your best friend, rarity
  262. sorry rarity, i just....i had a nightmare
  263. >an expression that looks like a mixture of confusion and concern appears upon your friends face
  264. >no, you don't like that
  265. >you don't like when your best friend is unhappy
  266. don't worry about it, rarity. it was just a dream
  267. >you reach up with your good arm and scratch behind her ear
  268. >that seems to ease her concern. she doesn't offer any opposition to the scratching either. good to know.
  269. >wait
  270. >pudding
  271. >best friend?
  272. >aren't your best friends david, incognito, and mq?
  273. >no, no. it's rarity. rarity is your very best friend.
  274. >you will do anything to make and keep rarity happy.
  275. >yes.
  276. >she politely pushes your hand off her head
  277. >"i looked at your knee and your elbow. there's a gear in there that's split clean in half. i tried to move it but it's terribly jammed in there. as for your elbow, i looked but i couldn't see anything wrong. as i said, i'm not too good with mechanics, so i probably just couldn't see what's wrong there."
  278. >she mumbles something
  279. >you just barely hear some words like "broken" and "scam"
  280. >ouch
  281. w-well, at least you tried, right? i'll just deal with it, there's no need for you to worry about it.
  282. >"mmm...yes, i suppose i did. i'm sorry that you have to deal with it for now. i'll try to find someone who's capable in mechanics than i to try to fix it tomorrow if i can find some time. as for now, i apolgize, but it's rather late and i must get some sleep. i have an important order to fill within a few days. you can...oh dear...i hadn't thought about your sleeping arangements. do you even need to sleep?"
  283. i'm not sure. if i do need to, i can just sleep here on this comfy couch thing. i'm not tired at the moment, though.
  284. >she smirks at you
  285. >"chase lounge darling"
  286. >you stick your tongue out at her a tiny bit
  287. >which illicits a giggle
  288. >"if you're alright with that, then it would be ok. i'll get better sleeping arrangements for you as soon as possible if you do actually need to sleep. i do hope these are enough for you to be comfortable."
  289. >an aura surrounds her horn, and a closet at the other side of the room opens up.
  290. >spoopy
  291. >a rather fluffy blanket and a poofy pillow float towards you, then are set upon the side of you opposite of rarity
  292. >she gets up and starts to head towards the stairs
  293. >"good night, anen."
  294. good night, rarity. sleep well, and may your dreams be pleasant.
  295. >she smiles at you and heads upstairs
  296. >and leaves you alone with your thoughts
  297. >which is fine by you, because you have way too much to think about right now
  299. >so from what you've gathered, you're a robotic companion
  300. >one that your friend rarity bought to keep her company presumably
  301. >doubtful it was for any other purpose
  302. >and she's not too pleased with her purchase despite putting on a friendly face
  303. >it's understandable considering how...defective you are.
  304. >you don't quite look right
  305. >you don't quite function right
  306. >and you're missing parts.
  307. >if you were her you'd be pretty upset about it too.
  308. >the thing that's really bothering you isn't what you look like or how you're functioning
  309. >it's the memories you have
  310. >being a robot thing from a factory you shouldn't have any
  311. >at least not beyond generic ones, right?
  312. >but you remember last night vividly
  313. >and that's not a memory you can think of any good reason for someone to put into you
  314. >you've got foggy memories of times before that too, but they're too vague to recall in any sort of acceptable detail.
  315. >were you a robot in those memories?
  316. >it seemed like you weren'-
  317. >you were
  318. >you've always been a robot
  319. >right
  320. >enough of that train of thought
  321. >how can you get rarity to like you despite your flaws
  322. but i'm not done figuring out what the hell is going on with me
  323. >NO
  324. >you're done
  325. >you know exactly what is going on with you
  326. >making rarity happy with you is much more important
  327. >get rarity to like you so she doesn't deactivate or return you
  328. >good plan
  329. >wait
  330. >that's not how your inner monologues usually play out
  331. >that thought was intrusive and insistant
  332. >pretty weird
  333. >no, you've always thought that way
  334. >oh, right. yeah.
  335. >duh
  336. >you brush aside the nagging feeling of something being wrong
  337. >and put your thoughts towards getting rarity to like you
  338. hmmm
  339. >and so you begin to think about how to accomplish that
  340. hmmm...i'm sure she'd like breakfast.
  341. one of the best way to get friends to cheer up and be happy is make them food.
  342. >you nod sagely to yourself
  343. >getting up is a bit of a struggle due to your locked knee
  344. >but you manage and put a little bit of weight on it
  345. >doesn't hurt at all but it refuses to bend even slightly
  346. >putting more weight on it reveals that it will support you fully
  347. eh. that works well enough.
  348. >with an odd gait you start exploring
  349. >mostly looking for the kitchen but you're also getting a feel for the place
  350. >it's nicely decorated
  351. >lots of mirrors and clothes hangers with clothes hanging around
  352. >seems your friend rarity runs a clothes store
  353. >anen, master slueth
  354. >eventually you oh so gracefully stagger into the kitchen
  355. pretty big for a kitchen
  356. >your eyes scan the room, taking note of where everything is
  357. >they fall upon a cat that's staring directly at you
  358. oh, hello. you're a pretty kitty, aren't you?
  359. >the cat jumps off the counter and saunters over to you
  360. >the kitty starts rubbing up against your leg
  361. >you reach down and pet the cat for a few moments before getting back to the mission at hand.
  362. >limping over to the fridge you open it up and start sifting through the contents
  363. >a window pops up in the right side of your vision
  364. this again? what the f-
  365. >you try to swat it away with your left hand, taking care to not move your right one
  366. >your hand seems to pass in front of it
  367. >oh right. it's in my eye.
  368. >that's normal
  369. that's definitely not normal and wasn't normal the first time either
  370. >no, it's normal.
  371. ugh. fine.
  372. >getting back to what you were doing prior, trying to ignore the window
  373. eggs....milk...hay bacon? the fuck is hay bacon?
  374. >the window is impossible to ignore
  375. >it seems the window is taking list of the items you're looking at and compiling them into breakfast recipes
  376. >each time you find a new item the list is expanded as are the list of recipes.
  377. oh hey. that's neat.
  378. >shutting the fridge, you turn and walk towards the cabinets to look for dry ingredients
  379. >you start opening cabinets both above and below the counter
  380. flour....flour.....
  381. >each cabinet you open has plates or cups and the like
  382. >there's a tapping noise across the kitchen
  383. >glancing over your shoulder to look at the source you notice the cat staring at you and tapping a cabinet with its paw while staring at you
  384. >you stare at each other for a few moments before you get back to looking through the cabinets again
  385. >as soon as you look away the cat grumbles loudly and taps the cabinet harder
  386. >you ignore it for a little while but the cat is being insistent with its grumbling and tapping
  387. >after a sigh you turn and stagger towards the cabinet
  388. >opening it you find flour
  389. >taken aback, you look between the flour and the cat
  390. >the aforementioned cat stares at you with a stoic and apathatic looking expression
  391. >as cats do
  392. you can....understand me?
  393. >there's no reaction
  394. >you squat down with one leg, splaying the locked one out and reach slowly for the collar to get its name
  395. >again, no reaction from it
  396. opalescense....thank you opalescense. it would have taken a while for me to find it.
  397. >she- she? seems like a female cats name.
  398. >anyway, she casually walks over to your legs as you stand back up and rubs herself agianst you
  399. >back to the makings of the breakfast
  400. >you look through the list of things as you bend over and pull the flour out and place it onto the counter
  401. pastries.....scones....pancakes.....
  402. >yes
  403. pancakes it is. with whatever hay bacon is.
  404. >you look down at opalesence
  405. that sound good to you?
  406. >apathetic looking stare
  407. hmmm. you're right, you pretty little kitty. scrambled eggs too.
  408. >you glance out the window at the position of the moon
  409. probably a bit too early to start cooking though. don't want the food to be cold by the time my best friend rarity wakes up.
  410. >deciding to wait for a while before starting, you hobble over to the table and take a seat
  411. >opalescense hops up onto your lap shortly after you sit
  412. >you absentmindedly stroke her with your good arm as your mind wanders
  413. >you mostly think about that dream you had along with that insessant nagging feeling that something is wrong
  414. >your mind tries to sweep those thoughts about the nagging feeling aside
  415. >it doesn't do anything to help the feeling though
  416. >you know who you are
  417. >you can vaguely recall memories of being somewhere other than here
  418. >every memory you recall strengthens the nagging feeling
  419. >your mind reels with discomfort and denial at everything you struggle to recall
  420. >that time you went fishing with most of the gang, minus incognito, who couldn't make it?
  421. >no, that never happened you're making things up
  422. >that week long camping trip with them?
  423. >just your imagination
  424. no....these things happened. i remember them vividly...
  425. >no. they never happened. you have only been here with your best friend rarity.
  426. >opalescense nudges your arm with her head
  427. >looking down at her, she acknowledges that you're looking at her then proceeds to look out the window
  428. >you didn't realize how much time you spent inside your own head, as the moon was much lower in the sky
  429. thanks opalescense. didn't realize how long i was thinking.
  430. >picking up opalescense and placing her on the ground, you get up and start walking towards the fridge
  431. >take out the ingredients with your one good arm and start getting to work
  432. commence planning for operation white pone approval
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