latest stranger's advice

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You both like advice.
You: i have a problem
Stranger: what’s up
You: i'm agonizingly bad at talking to girls
Stranger: as a girl, i can say that most girls are the same way
You: you don't get it
You: my friends have seen tons of girls over the years. some of them just attract them like magnets.
You: me, i've had 1 one night stand in 7 years
You: i just
You: can't do it
You: and each time i fail i feel worse and worse about it
You: i'm stuck in a loop
Stranger: if you get stuck in a mental block, you won’t get out of it
You: you're supposed to be confident, but failing kills my confidence. so does watching my friends succeed all the time.
You: i don't know what to do
Stranger: damn yeah i get that
Stranger: i feel like all you can do is just keep putting yourself out there
You: i'm not getting any younger either, and i already used up a lot of years. the same years my friends had to build up all this experience.
Stranger: it’s really hard and can definitely hurt sometimes but the more you do it, the easier it gets
You: some of them are a few years younger than me
You: and it's even more painful because these same friends encourage me all the time
You: over this past weekend, there was a three day long airbnb party being hosted at our friend's house
You: and i was there friday
Stranger: well the first thing i would say is don’t compare yourself. that feels awful and won’t help anything. you are different than your friends and that’s not a bad thing!! the fact that they encourage you is awesome bc they clearly care about you. focus on you and building your confidence
You: nothing happened, but the next day, one of my friends had to cover another of our friend's shift on a complete whim
You: and the girls from the party saw him and invited him to the second night
You: guess what happened to him
You: meanwhile, i was out all by myself that night because i didn't know where anyone was
You: and ended up tapping out early
You: i actually had a gut feeling the party was going on, because i saw a bunch of people from friday night while i was out
You: but i thought it would be impolite if i just followed them
You: so yesterday i had to hear my friend's story of what happened
You: it's agonizing because he and i have the same birth sign, so our horoscope for that week came true for him.... but not me
You: this particular friend is some sort of savant. he's somehow magically good at everything he tries. i love him but i'm almost afraid to be anywhere with him because i feel upstaged.
You: but even without him, my other friends are all way more experienced at this than me
You: it's so hard not to feel like the runt
You: and i'm the second oldest
Stranger: i don’t know what to tell you honestly but getting girls doesn’t define any guy it’s hard to explain but your self worth is more than this
Stranger: it sounds super cheesy
You: it's not even a matter of self worth. it's just that this is something i'd actually like to have. i'm just terrible at getting it.
Stranger: but so why you’re the second oldest you still have so much time to meet girls and gain more experience
You: i turn 28 in two weeks
You: it doesn't feel like i have much time left
You: i wasted far too much of my 20s
Stranger: well you can’t go back so don’t worry about it
Stranger: you’re still young
Stranger: it really is a matter of confidence i think. especially if you’ve been put down so many times it gets harder and it feels like that’s all that will ever happen but there are so many people out there
You: i know there are, and my neighborhood is a big summer hotspot
You: but i don't exactly have the energy to go out every day of the week
You: my cousin recently quit his job and he's in a union
You: so he can just go out whenever he pleases for however long he pleases
You: a lot of my friends have much better jobs than me
You: but my boss refuses to give me a raise
Stranger: don’t compare yourselfff that will get you nowhere
Stranger: you don’t have to go out everyday, go out when you feel up for it and make the best of that
Stranger: talk to girls, get the feel of things. don’t count yourself out before you even start
You: i've been
You: apparently i come on too strong
You: but
You: i can't help but be eager
You: it's been so long
You: i don't know how to hold back
You: the best i was able to do was 1 one night stand last year, and i think that only happened because she was high as shit
Stranger: have you tried any dating apps or are you interested in thag
Stranger: finding people who probably feel the same way
You: i went through three okcupid accounts in the last seven years
You: i also tried tinder for like a month before giving up
You: my friends insist i should hit tinder
You: one of them even met his current gf on there
Stranger: yeah why not
Stranger: what made you give up?
You: literally no matches
You: and on okcupid i barely mustered a conversation
You: no girls would respond
You: i asked someone online about it and they said my pictures looked terrible and my profile was too negative
You: but i was super depressed and cynical at the time
You: i genuinely have difficulty selling myself without being completely dishonest
You: i just don't know how to lie
You: people tell me to be myself but
You: i don't think there's much to me
Stranger: and there’s the problem
Stranger: you have so much to offer
You: well, whenever i do talk to girls where i live, they're usually from out of town and assume i surf since i live at the beach. and i don't. because i was never interested in that.
Stranger: but by telling yourself everyday that you can’t talk to girls and no girls like you and you’re too negative.. it makes those things come true
You: what do i even do in a situation like that
You: but how can i make the opposite come true if the opposite never happens?
You: the most frustrating thing of all is, i didn't even used to be like this
You: i've had girlfriends before
You: and when i was at school, i was kind of _over_ confident
You: after i graduated, nothing happened the way i wanted and i fell into a really deep depression
Stranger: confidence and being able to appreciate yourself is genuinely the first step to getting involved
You: i wonder if maybe that depression damaged me permanently
Stranger: don’t keep looking back. things don’t have to be the same
Stranger: no definitely not
You: this is tough. i'm a very memory-driven person.
You: a lot of my interests are rooted in nostalgia.
Stranger: keep putting yourself out there. build new interests, make new friends. focus on you now and what makes you happy now. don’t keep wasting time thinking about things you may regret
Stranger: if you believe or not, you are still young!! you have time to change
Stranger: you’re not damaged, you’re still growing
You: very few things really interest me
You: it's the way i am.
You: my asperger's could be the root of it
You: my interests are all extremely few and niche, but i never skimp out
You: answer me this:
You: do you like or play video games?
Stranger: yeah sometimes with my brother
You: wait, how old are you anyway?
Stranger: i’m 18 haha
You: you're a baby compared to me
You: how can i trust what you tell me
Stranger: good question
Stranger: well it sounds probably insane to you but i’ve felt the exact same things
You: i did too at 18, but i hoped i'd be past it by now
Stranger: i’ve literally never been in a relationship and i always wonder what’s wrong with me
You: the expectation is different for girls
Stranger: i feel like i wasted time in highschool not experimenting at all and stuff
Stranger: in what way
You: if a girl is single, nowadays that's seen as empowering
You: i feel like i wasted my time not experimenting in college
You: it was an art school in new york city
Stranger: there’s never anything wrong with being single
You: i've been told that people need sex, sometimes by women
You: and to an extent it feels like they're right
You: do you know what it feels like to go this long with this little physical contact?
Stranger: i do hahha. i’ve been my whole life without any. that fucking sucks. i guess i agree for the most part. humans thrive on social connections bc we are social creatures but there’s still more to life than that
You: you're only 18
You: it's common to lose it between 18 and 20
You: i didn't actually have sex until
You: last year
You: :\
You: and i didn't fully penetrate
Stranger: there’s nothing wrong with that either and if now you’re looking for more experience, the only way to do that is to get out there
You: it's not like i haven't been trying
You: but this brings me back to what i said in the beginning
You: i'm agonizingly bad at talking to girls
You: i don't know if it's because i ooze awkwardness or despair, or because i'm bad at social cues in general because of my asperger's, or because i'm simply too much of an aquired taste
Stranger: don’t say that though. that’s not true. you can talk to girls. you may have had bad experiences in the past or faced rejection but you are a human like anyone else. i guarantee there’s people out there who will think you are the most interesting and attractive person
Stranger: don’t count yourself out
You: i know there are. the last person who thought that, i completely blew it with.
You: the girl i went home with last year obviously did
You: but
You: i blew that too because i didn't understand you weren't supposed to hang around the next day
You: in my defense, she made it sound like it was ok
You: this is me being bad at reading social cues again
Stranger: and if she can’t understand or accept that may be a part of you then she isn’t worth your time
You: it sucks to be on bad terms with her. any time i've seen her since last year she's avoided me.
You: my friend is right when he says i come on too strong
You: i just don't know how to not be empassioned.
You: i don't know how to not care
Stranger: and that’s not bad at all
Stranger: it’s an endearing quality
You: i know it is
You: but
You: when you first talk to a girl
You: you can't be empassioned
You: do guys ever talk to you?
Stranger: and that’s some mental game bullshit
Stranger: not often honestly
Stranger: and i’ve tried figuring myself out and i’m just super quiet and awkward and i don’t have an inviting personality. when i felt awful about never getting attention or approached i realized it was my fault
Stranger: i started talking to guys first and that made so much difference in my confidence. genuinely everyone has their different struggles but none of them are permanent
You: that is extremely uncommon and i wish more girls did it
You: it would take a fuckton of pressure off me
You: but
You: any time girls do
You: i'm never the guy they talk to
You: i'm supposedly handsome
You: but not inviting
Stranger: and maybe that means you come off as intimidating and girls are just nervous to talk to you
You: i considered that
You: i dunno how i'm more intimidating than my friend. he's taller than me.
You: you sure i don't just look like a creep? :\
Stranger: height has less to do with it than someone’s energy i would say. people who don’t smile a lot or talk a lot can send messages to people they may not want to
Stranger: i get that a lot
Stranger: and no you don’t
You: i never have anything to say when i'm around
You: more often than not my friends talk about things i wasn't involved in
You: so i just sort of get left out
Stranger: but i’m sure you still have other things to talk about
Stranger: try hanging apart from your friends
You: that's very tough
You: i can't do much when i'm alone
You: girls are attracted to comradery
Stranger: i mean that’s not necessarily true, approaching a group of guys is definitely intimidating
You: in my experience
You: girls rarely come near me when i'm alone
You: and trying to approach them by myself usually doesn't lead anywhere
Stranger: and if they aren’t helping your confidence or make you feel left out then that’s not helpful either
Stranger: but you can’t put them together and assume you’re the problem
Stranger: meeting people is so situational
You: but i don't know what to do
You: whenever i'm out with my friends, they soak up all the attention
You: it doesn't even matter how many
You: when i'm with my cousin all the girls pay attention to him and ignore me
You: same with my other friends
You: i don't have a clear solution
You: that's why i'm in such despair right now
Stranger: don’t lose hope. i guess that’s my biggest advice, you will find somebody who appreciates you for you
You: :\
Stranger: who sees you first instead of your friends or cousins
You: people like that are really hard to come by
Stranger: it might seem impossible but it’s true
Stranger: but they’re out there
You: i didn't say they weren't
Stranger: there isn’t really a clear solution honestly. you just have to keep moving forward and it will come
You: but they're frustratingly rare
Stranger: well then when you meet one imagine how that will feel
Stranger: worth it and extra special
You: ;-;
Stranger: it’s out there for you i promise
You: how can you possibly know that
Stranger: because from talking to you i know you’re just a normal guy who seems really sweet but is just feeling stuck right now. and that happens to everyone. but there’s nothing that is stopping you from finding and being in a meaningful relationship
Stranger: you just have to get through this low spot
You: i didn't even say anything about meaninful relationships
You: i do want one but
You: i'd also like to be able to like
You: have sex once in a while
You: since that's apparently a normal thing
Stranger: so that’s what you want or what you feel like is expected
You: well if everybody in my age range is out having casual sex, why can't i
Stranger: and honestly finding like minded people in that sense can be pretty hard but dating apps is where to go i’d say
You: i had a feeling it was going to come to that
Stranger: and there’s nothing saying you can’t
Stranger: besides you i think, you’re limiting yourself by putting yourself doen
You: if it would actually happen for once, maybe i'd stop
You: :\
Stranger: if you’re just looking for a physical connection, believe that a girl would be lucky to even get you into bed. build that worth and avoid the desperation that comes without it. it will happen
You: is lying to myself really the way to go? i have so much trouble lying.
You: can't girls immediately see through that?
Stranger: no because it’s not a lie, you have value!! respect yourself enough to know that you have the ability to choose who you show yourself to
Stranger: just because there aren’t girls waiting in line for someone doesn’t mean they aren’t as wanted as the next
You: i still don't know what to actually do in practice, though
Stranger: and that mainly just comes from experience which makes that a tough situation
Stranger: you can always read online and watch realistic porn to get ideas
You: realistic porn? o_O
You: how will that help me talk to girls?
Stranger: hahha aren’t we talking about in practice with having casual sex
You: i meant the whole process
You: because so far i can't even get a girl to go home with me
Stranger: which also just needs practice and building experience
You: i feel like enough is never enough
You: i don't even know _what_ it is i'm supposed to be practicing
You: all i've gathered is that it requires a ridiculous number of really tiny things that i can't seem to get together
You: don't gawk, don't get too excited, but also don't get too muted
You: be assertive but also be calm
You: algebra is easier for me than this
Stranger: it only requires you to say hey. start a conversation and then be yourself for the rest
You: finding an opener isn't always so easy
You: and sometimes attempting an opener is enough to scare them
You: :\
Stranger: a hey is all you need
Stranger: it just starts with a conversation
You: this isn't telling me anything new. -.-;
Stranger: well that’s all i have
You: i guess this is it, then
Stranger: good luck
You: bye
You: and
You: thank you
Stranger: i hope it helped in some way i guess
Stranger has disconnected.