Dulls puns 2018-10-30

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.#Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.#What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.#Old math professors never die, they just reduce their functions.#The arrogant math teacher finally ate a slice of humble pi.#One time somebody said if I was an element, I'd be copper. Then someone else told me I'm tellurium. Does that mean I'm CuTe?#I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!#Why do grizzlies never look sad? Because whenever there's a problem, they just grin and bear it.#Why did the Al-Bhed dig a giant pit around their home and fill it with water? They wanted a Bikanel.#I thought I saw a leopard but it was just a dotted line.#The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.#You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!#Why is Rikku always insistent in using her overdrives when others are in battle? She wants to get in on the Mix.#I took a picture of a field of wheat, it was grainy.#What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.#Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.#Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.#Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.#I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.#Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.#Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.#What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.#The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.#The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.#A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.#My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she is a keeper.#He became a math teacher due to some prime factors.#I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#If you can't differentiate a blue collar and white collar worker by his hands, it is callous indifference.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#Your mama’s so FAT she can’t save files bigger than 4GB.#That Ghastly smell is coming from the toilet#Why were other people against Issaru having his younger brother as a guardian? Because that trend was so Pacce.#Why was Seymour so intent on seducing Yuna? He wanted to be her Villain-tine.#My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full", I thought, "I can't turn that down".#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#The obstetricians seem to celebrate labor day every day.#Old carpenters never die, they just lumber around.#The librarian didn't know what to do with the book about Tesla's love of electricity, so he filed it under 'Current Affairs.'#Why is the navy full of anime fans? Because they love subs.#Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.#Mail order cows were first shipped by raft down the Mississippi River. They traveled on cattle logs.#I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO#Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker.#I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!#Why is a fish so easy to weigh? – Because it has it’s own scales!#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#I would tell you a joke about squirrels, but you would go nuts.#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.# What do you call a notarized license to sail? O-fish-al.#A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.#I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.#I wrote a book about birds. It flew off the shelf.#Where do bulls exchange their messages? On a bulletin board.#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#What does a house wear? A dress.#Why can't you trust Satan's resume? The devil lies in the details.#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.#Let me Raichu some puns.#How do mountains see? They peak.#Why was Kimahri afraid of returning to Mt. Gagazet. He was scared of the cold reception.#I hate Russian Dolls, they are so full of themselves.#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.#Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.#Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.#Whiteboards ... are remarkable.#Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.#When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.#A sports coat worn on a hike is a trailblazer.#The mathematician worked at home because he only functioned in his domain.#What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.# #Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!#Ghost-writers lift the spirit of the readers.#Some mathematicians are on the negative side while others are quite positive.#How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.#On a scale of 1 to 10, I rate Noah's Arcanine#Kakuna Rattata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no worries Forretress of your days#I lost a Sawk in the washing machine#Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.#Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.#I got angry when my smartphone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet.#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#What do you call a young musician? A minor.#The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.#My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.#After bumping into a whale, the dolphin apologised and said "I didn't do it on purpoise"#If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.#When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#When I had my PlayStation stolen, my family were there to console me.#Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.#I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.#The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.#Hanging out with skyscraper builders is so boring! It's story after story.#Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!#what do you call an anniversary that happens in may? An Anni-may#When I took first place in the sewing competition, I thought that I had better quilt while I was ahead.#Old math profs never die -- they just use strange expressions.#What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.#Why are fish so smart? – Because they live in schools!#I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.#Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.#To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!#What did Tidus say when he got another history lesson over Spira? "You're Maechen me confused!"#I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.#A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."#If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"#The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.#My girlfriend asked me to pass her the Chapstick and I accidentally passed her the Glue Stick! She still hasn't talked to me!#My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.#The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance.#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!#What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt.#Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.#A croquette is a flirtatious female frog.#My computer is so slow it hertz.#What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!#I used to be a lifeguard, but I couldn't keep my head above water.#I read this book about Mount Everest. It was quite the cliff hanger.#The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.#Young women who are mathematics professors closely watch their figures.#Two lambs are in a meadow. Which one frequents a casino? The one that's gambolling.#R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.#How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.#The inept mathematician couldn't count on his friends.#Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.#Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.#What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.#Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.#It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.#What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tuna fish with its scales.#Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!#How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.#I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.#He wears glasses during math because it improves division.#A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.#Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck.#I made a clock mad. It was ticked.#Q: Why are flowers so hated by people? A: They have a certain stigma about them.#Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.#Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.#Why are the Al-Bhed weary of the Yevonites? They're afraid they Maester up some trouble.#What do fish use to make telephone calls? – A shell-phone!#Santa Delibirds gifts#Installing a new bathroom fan is exhausting.#I hated being a math teacher. It was a miscalculated move.#Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.#The first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar.#What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.#I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.#The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.#What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.#I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.#Watchdogs are covered with ticks.#About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile#What did the girl say when she was accused of singing in class? "It's not me! It's hymn!"#Where do the people of Spira learn to summon Aeons? The Yunaversity#When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.#Why was the tree excited about the future? It was ready to turn over a new leaf!#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#A mathematician who was also a horticulturist was interested in prime roots square roots and trees in general.#37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.#I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.#I got fired from my job as a software engineer. I just couldn't get with the program.#When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#This stream never makes me Drowzee#When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking.#Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.#How do trees access the internet? They log on.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#Why did Sin destroy the local fishing town? He was upset and assumed they were murdering the squid population, as the town was called Kil-ika.#I'd make a Pokepun but then I'd have to roll-out of here.#Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils.#Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.#What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.#Ho-oh's favourite drink is hydrogen peroxide#Audino any more good puns#After months of searching, they finally found the Sunkern ship 449#You know what happens after you miss math class? It starts adding up.#My math teacher called me average. How mean!#There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.#There’s no place like 127.0.0.1#Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.#Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back. I think it would be truly alarming.#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.#I've been trying to caption this piece of art but I just can't picture the meaning of it.#Why is Kimahri usually silent? He tends to find that nothing needs to Besaid.#I Luvdisc thing we've got going on#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#Why are pigs so bad at soccer?  They are always hogging the ball!#The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction.#What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.#When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.#I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.#What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me something smells.#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.#I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.#Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.#Why did Tidus and crew ruin Yuna's wedding? They wanted to get a better Valefor her.#The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.#Tree trimmers do such a fantastic job, they should take a bough.#What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.#Why do people in Spira use fish instead of money for currency? Because everything is bought with gil.#I didn't used to like duct-tape at first, but then I became very attached to it.#Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.#I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.#What did Yuna say when Wakka asked her to heal him of poison? "I'll take care of it Esuna-s possible."#I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.#When a wasp started to come after me, I made a beeline for the exit.#What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.#My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.#The linen shop gave their employees free bedding. Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet.#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#What was the first thing Yuna asked when she met Auron? She wanted to know if he Nebraska.#That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.#The first order of priority in hiring math majors is get them to sine on the dotted line#A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.#The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was just too remote.#The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.#How does Kagome wash her clothes? Inuwasha#A math professor in an unheated room is cold and calculating.#Thanks to my doctor, my Hypno longer hurts#How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#A man was arrested for strangling women's headwear accessories. When asked why, he said "I just had to chocobo."#There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.#A fish's favourite saying is carpe diem.#What did Hashirama say to Madara? Did you get the messages I senju.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell.#Flatfish always do their job. They know their plaice.#A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”#What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.#Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!#I can cut wood by looking at it. Trust me I saw it with my own eyes.#Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!#Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.#The man's pants zipper broke, but he fixed it on the fly.#Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.#The key to job searching is looking inside yourself. It's all about the inner view.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.#It takes guts to make a sausage.#A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."#Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.#Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.#Why does Tidus live in a boathouse. Because he's from Zan-ARK-and.#I hate peer pressure and you should too.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#His qualifications as a math teacher didn't add up.#Never gonna let Mew down#I just finished reading Newton's Principia Mathematica, and found much of it to be rather derivative.#I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.#Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.#If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.#The earth's rotation really makes my day.#The purpose of the guards at the Blitzball stadium in Luca is to drive a Bigg Wedge between the players and the fans.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#I know a mathematician who could not afford to eat. He could binomial.#I don't know any puns I Giratina#I don't mind kids playing hopscotch in most places, but my driveway is where I draw the line.#Circus dogs fly through the air with the greatest of fleas.