Thread 50: Stories 46-60

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 >42
"Past 42"
~~

>...So, you're past me?

"I guess? Then you're future me."

>So it seems.

"..."

>...

"..."

>"FIGHT ME!.... OKAY!"

>This is going to go great! We can finally go all out!

"I see no problems with this!"

>I also see no problems because I'm you!

"BRILLIANT!"
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 Addition to previous story

"By the way, I notice you keep occasionally looking over towards Shining Armor and Cadence, is there any re-"

>NOTHING!

"..."

>...I mean, I have recently taken up residence within their castle alongside my Queen. During this time, we have grown more compatible as individuals and as such my natural warrior instincts have become focused around protection of them as higher individuals than myself. I am cutting over glances due to my natural skills in perceiving danger. Do not worry yourself with it.

"....You make PERFECT SENSE!"

>Thank you!
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 >Cheerilee
"Past Cheerilee" technically show Cheerilee
'demons'


"Well... something about this seems...off"

She said as she looked around the room, where everything looked the same, but had a more darker feel

"Is... is it just me or are the shadows moving?"

>No, it's not you, those are just the demons that inhabit the 9 circles of hell, ocassionally popping up through a portal in the school house

"uh... what about the children?"

>Oh they're fine, sometimes I get a few of them to teach the kids, for when I'm... preoccupied

"With what?"

>Not what, who, but you'll find out all about that later, for now, let me introduce you to some of them, that one's Asmodeus, he's surprisingly good at math, that one is Beelzebub, over there is Mammon, they're a fun bunch...

*SCREEEECH*

'Why is there two of them?'

'Oh my devil, as if one wasn't enough!'

'THIS. IS THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!'

>Like I said, fun bunch
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 50AU
>Filthy Rich
"Past Filthy Rich"
~~~

>Oh my! Me from the past!

"How very- wait, how do you know I'm the past one? You might be past one."

>No, I see a glimmer of hopefulness in your eyes that you have in some way succeeded as a parent. This, I realize now, is a sure sign of what as come and gone.

"Oh no! Does something happen to our little baby!?"

>Define 'happens'.

"What does she do!?"

>Mostly blows stuff up.

"What!? Our little Diamond Tiara? Never! She is a perfect little princess who would never do something so brutish!"

>...Tell me, has the changeling gone to Ponyville school yet?

"THE WHAT DOES WHAT!?"

>Ah hah... ah hah... strap in.

"OH NO! How could it get any worse!?"

>If it was legal, I'm pretty sure our son in law would be a piece of heavy munitions.

"...Now, see, that ones more confusing than horrifying."

>You'll see... oh... you'll see...

"..."

>Brownies?

"Yes, please."

>Good man... good man...
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 50AU
>Pennydrop
"Past Pennydrop"
~~~~~

>...

"Can I help you? Do you have an appointment with Mr Fawntaine?"

>...

"...Hello?"

>Haha...

"Uh..."

>Haha... ahaha.... AHAH...AHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!

"This is making me uncomfortable."

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
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 >Princess Applejack
“Past Applejack”
‘Princess Celestia’
-Past Celestia-

‘Twilight never mentioned that there were two of you too.’

>Oh good, you’re both here, that makes this easier. Now we were talkin’ with some of the others and we have a questi-

“WHY DO AH NEED TO BE AN ALICORN TA DO YOUR PAPERWORK?”

-Well you see Appplejack -

>Not that question. This one is actually for you. Y’all are immortilish right?

-‘Yes.’-

>Fireproof?

-‘Yes.’-

>And y’all never been with anyone because they would melt or would be taken away?

-Correct.- ‘Mother never lets me have any fun.’

>Well why don’t y’all should both your problems?

Both Celestia’s stared at Princess Applejack as it sunk in what she was implying and then facehooved

‘Soooo… much… time wasted.’

-Why didn’t you think of this you’re the one from the future?-

‘You’re almost as old as me and we are both ancient that’s not an excuse.’

“So in other words, it’s all your fault.”

‘I know… I mean come on me.’

The two Celestia’s proceed to teleport into their bedchamber. Present Celestia walks out on the balcony and shouts

‘Try and take me away from me mother?!?’

Just then Past Celestia is warped out of the timeline.

‘…’
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 50AU
>Chitania
"Past Chitania"
~~~

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

>You from the future.

"Oh... huh, you look weird for some reason."

>...Fresh out of the ice?

"Out of the ice?... Oh, yeah, was walking around outside the village when this happened, why?"

>..Ahah... ohhh... what day is it?

"Tuesday?"

>OHHHH...Ahahahah... ahhh... here.

"...Is there a particular reason you gave me a bag of popcorn?"

>Because you deserve it for what's about to happen, champ. You enjoy that lolipop flavor.

"...I... I don't like the direction of this conversation."

>You and directions are about to become fast enemies, I assure you.

"..."

>It doesn't get any better.

"...It's good popcorn?"

>That's pretty much the apex, enjoy it.

"...I don't like this."

>DEAL!
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 NC

>Shiny
'Guards'
"???"

>What do you mean you lost her?!

'Your Highness the unit sent to retrieve your daughter lost all communication with them twenty minutes ago, we've sent two battalions to try locating he-ACK'

The guard is shoved up against a wall ice blue eyes glaring hatefully into his own.

>That's not good enough!

Seeing the panicked soldier's struggles start to waver under the choke hold Shiny lets him go.

>Forget it, you there, hold the line here. I'm going after my daughter.

'Sir you ca-'

A pink shield springs into exsistance around the white coated stallion as he turns towards the front lines with an angry snort.

>I'm coming 2!

Barreling forwards the stallion sends many a infected flying up into the air as he runs through in his pink ball.

Nearing the last known sight of the squad deployed Shiny slows down and starts to asses the situation.

The carriage is broken a wheel hanging limply from one of the spokes as it lays on it's side, the guards around it already devoured and blood splatters the ground from the fight, yet no sign of her daughter's blood, thankfully.

Moving over the scene with a detective's eye Shiny pauses as he notices small hoof prints heading away into an alleyway. Placing his own hoof prints alongside the small pair Shiny smiles gently remembering a better time before looking up smile gone as a trash can is knocked over nearby. Moving with all swiftness the stallion gives chase after his quarry!

Further in the alleyway three downed soldiers turn to their former captain fungus crawling and shifting atop their faces as they screech bum rushing the captain! Taking a moment to hold his breath Shiny aims and with three quick pops of his horn blasts them each in their head! Screaming from further back draws the stallions attention, there isent much time, so he hurries after the tracks coming to a fire escape where the tracks end.

>2? 2 honey are you here?

No response, worried the stallion starts to climb up the ladder determined to find his daughter. Coming to a stop at the first floor Shining notices the glass window is broken and a small dab of green is laying on a sharp edge of the broken glass. Ears lowered in worried the stallion breaks more of the glass and enters the room. Inside is a mess, the walls look like something had broken through them in a fight, the floor covered in knocked over clothes and trash that litters the ground, but what draws the stallions attention is the faint sound of sniffling coming from the hall!

>2! 2 are you there?

"Sh-shiny...?"

>Oh thank Faust 2 you're...oh no, no no no no no...

"Shiny...it huuurts..."

>Oh baby, it's ok..its gonna be ok...just...oh Faust no, why...

"Sh-shiny?"

>Y-yeah?

A small hoof, so tiny even when compared to the stallion's own hoof, comes to rest on the stallion's cheek.

"Don't cry...it'll be ok..."

>Oh 2...

"..."

>2?

"..."

>N-no...please anything but this...no...

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 50AU
>Flash
"Past Flash"

".....HOLY MOTHER OF CRANBERRY! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?"

>[ERR-ERR-ERR-ERR-ERROR]...gah, kid, dunno how long this time warp holds but...stay the hell away from Twilight Sparkle, you got that?

"I..well, I mean those wings do look kinda cool, but, why all this?"

>Well, curiosity crumpled the mongoose so to speak-[LINGUISTICALLY INCORRECT-]-Oh shut it tin can. And trust me, the wings, the brain, the shotgun, the robot-nano-cyborg-hoove-THINGS and chainsword are not worth it. Even with the dental plan.

"But I've already got dental, the Guard provided it when I signed up"

>Oh look, something that actually worked, wonderful

"And....what's a chainsword?"

>Oh, it's this thing right he-

He froze when he brought up his severed fore-leg. Ah, he nearly forgot about that.

>....[ERROR]

"So uhh.... quit the day job and become a night guard at some cheapo commercial building?

>Yep, do it, ASAP, quick, before she comes and starts to experime- *TIME WARP*

"Huh, that was weird"
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 50AU
>Jetset
“Past Jetset”
_________

“Whoa… and just who the fuck might you be?”

>…Oh, so that’s why I saw two of my Queen’s earlier. This must be some sort of past meets future and vice versa thing. Okay, fine, why not.

“Huh. So you’re supposed to be what I turn into?”

>And I suppose you’re where I came from.

“…”

>…

“You fucking weak-willed bitch. Don’t tell me you’re actually catering to that marshmallow-assed alicorn and her flunkies? Great, I become a slave.”

>...

It took a considerable amount of self-restraint for Jetset not to lob his past self’s head clean off.

Only because that would kill him as well, then who would protect the Queen?

>I- we… chose this path because a bit further into our training we smartened up and realized that we were eternally indebted to our Queen, that we owed her our life.

Past Jet snorted.

“Speak for yourself. I don’t owe that cake fetishist shit. Never have, never did, never will- she didn’t have to save me that day, I didn’t ask her to.”

>But she did. She opened her heart and gave us a second chance. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here. You know this as well as I do.

“What I know is that our country’s going to hell in a hand basket right now. Tell me, has she changed that in your time? Huh? Has she? Did she finally shape the fuck up and start acting as a princess should? Or is she still lazy as fuck and shirking off meetings?”

Faust above, Jetset had almost forgotten how much of an insufferable reprobate he’d once been.

“You’re not answering, Jetty. What’s wrong, am I right?”

>You’re quite wrong, actually, it’s just I’m having an increasingly hard time ignoring basic instincts to kill you for insulting our Queen….

“You keep calling her a 'Queen'… for fuck’s sake, you really took that one little joke between us and that dunce Shining Armor seriously, didn’t you?”

>She IS our Queen.

“Your Queen. Not mine. But speaking of, how is Shining here? Is he protecting her, too? Did he flunk out? Or, miraculously, did he come to his senses about offering his services to Dumblestia? Probably not, he was pretty nose-deep in her ass last we met.”

Okay, deep inhale, Jet…

Good. Great… now exhale. Slowly, easy does it….

There we go. Calm.

>In our words, he couldn’t handle the pressure. In his words, he chose to protect her from the light instead of the shadows.

“…So he pussied out. Figures.”

>He… does an adequate job. When I can’t be there due to a mission.

“I’m sure he does. He’s a failure at leadership but an alright stallion elsewhere. Rousing speeches, good charisma, can turn a bad day good with a few words- so where did the flunky go afterwards? I can’t see him becoming captain of the guard or something like that, he’s too nice for that venue.”

>…

Past Jet blinked.

“Get. The fuck. Out of here. REALLY? He really is?”

It looked like he might faint from the way his head rolled about, struggling to accept that.

“Yeah, no, I thought the low-point of this future was you submitting to her royal fatass, but no… that just takes the cake. She actually put that guy… in control of the Canterlot Guard. Holy fuck. And this is the mare you want to lay down your life for, realize this. Even YOU know that’s a terrible idea.”

>…

“So do we even have a kingdom anymore?”

>Of course. Recently things have shifted, rendering Shining Armor incapable of holding his Captain position.

“Praise Faust, she is good and worthy of my love. Who’s the new Captain then?”

>The, er… the position is currently unattended.

“…Ooookay, and how long’s that been for?”

When Jetset told him, Past Jet just stared.

“Not a single soul is filling one of the most integral positions needed to ensure the safety of ponykind. That’s essentially what you’re telling me here.”

>…Yes.

“I see. And where are our new Gryphon Overlords, then? I can only assume that this can of fucking knowledge must have had species of all sorts gunning to take us down.”

>None of the other leaders are fully abreast of the situation.

“So you all know how to keep a Faust-damned lid on a colossal fuck-up. Swell, there’s a point for you right there.”

>Your points are superfluous. We are well protected.

“By sheer luck, I’m sure. So now all I really want to know is… who’s really the leader here?”

>…Excuse me?

“Don’t play stupid, you lapdog. Dumlestia couldn’t lead fish to water, her sister is a up-and-coming fatass with outdated ethics from a thousand years ago and Cadence is a whole other breed of ignorance. I’m looking around and seeing fliers have been put up, fliers that actually make sense, the castle looks to be in a somewhat professional order. It’s obvious that this is someone else’s hoofwork. Whose is the question.”

>…

“Did Harshwhinny get a bump up? Is she taking charge? Makes sense. She might’ve been able to get you to kneel and rollover but not me.”

>She will, trust me. But no, it’s not her… it’s actually Princess Applejack.

Where Jetset expected his past self to express disbelief and perhaps outrage, he was taken aback when Past Jet only nodded.

“That’s the orange farm mare, right? The hardworking one? The only one out of her chucklefuck cluster of friends to have any sense? Huh. Alright, so Dumblestia knows how to at least spot talent.”

>And… you are okay with that? With Applejack being turned into a princess and given nearly all the privilege that our Queen has concerning the running of Equestria?

“Hey. Look around you. See this order? Shit, she must be doing something right. I want to meet the Queen.”

>She should be in her chambers but this would be her private time so you’ll have to wa-

“No, not Dumblestia. I want to meet the real Queen, Applejack.”

>…

What an asshole.
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 >Chrysalis
"Past Chrysalis"
'2'
~~
"By the way, I've noticed that short one running around. What's up with that?"

>Short one?

"Don't play dumb, the little kid changeling."

>Ah.

"We got pregnant didn't we?"

>...Wha-

"OH MOMMA NOOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE A MOM! I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER! I DON'T WANNA DDIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"

>We're still childless.

"...Fuck you, don't scare me like that."

>I didn't, you jumped to conclusions based on very vague information that could have been very easily clarified if you had just calmed down and asked.

"...STOP MAKING UP WORDS!"

>...

"Also, does that become a running theme with us?"

>Nahhh, we're pretty on the ball.

"Yeah, that makes sense. So, about Shorty-"

'HI NOT-MOM! AND OTHER NOT-MOM!'

"Wha... I thought you said-"

>She said NOT mom.

'Cause yer' not mom.'

"Well, yeah. I'm your Queen, little servant."

>Actuallyyyyy-

'Not mom says I'm a road.'

"..."

>She means rogue.

"And the reason she has not been shot to death yet? Are you just still breeding the venomous snakes for the pit? I'll understand if you are."

>Shiny would get pretty mad if I tried to kill her.

"Wow, look at all of the fucks I give! Look at them! They're raining from the skies in waves! Can't you see them? They're glorious!"

'I don't see nothing...'

"That's the... ugh."

>She's in kindergarten.

'Yer' gonna make my teacher cry a lot, old-not-mom.'

>Did you just call me old?

'No, old-not-mom.'

>Wha-

"WHOA WHOA WHOA! We still spend time with her!?"

'Yeah! You tell me all about Momsie, the most awesomest changeling ever!'

"...Momsie? Who the fuck is Momsie?"

>Codename.

"For who?"

>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"...."
>...I keep waiting for you to put it together, but you haven't...

"Mo...msie... momsie..."

>This is doing nothing for my self esteem.

"Mooooo...m....ssssiiieee..."

'Is she okay?'

>In a way, sure.

"Damn, I gotta crack this code!"
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 50AU
>Pinkie
"Past Pinkie"
~~~

"OMIGOSH! Future me!"

>Past me!

"Oh wow, look at you! I bet we went through a whole bunch of really crazy adventures, haven't we!?"

>Like you wouldn't even believe!

"New foes!?"

>So many!

"New friends?"

>SO MANY!

"And we're super involved in it all, right? We're integral!"

>...

"...You, uh, you just started crying and-and now you are laying down. You are laying down and crying and yep. Fetal position."

>...

"...Can I join you?"

>Always room for one more in the crying corner...
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 AU50
>Watchdog
"Past Watchdog"

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

>Yeahhhh...this is a good lesson to tell the kids: Don't take job offers from strange ponies.
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 50AU
>Arana
"Past Arana"
~~

>HOLY SKITTERS! ME!

"ME!"

>You're me!

"I'm you!"

>We're us!

"COOL!"

>...Hey'a, just a quick question here, what's the last thing you remember?

"Momma just stuck me in a cave and told me to stay put."

>...

"B-but she's just gonna come right back, right? She said she'd come right back."

>...

"...Shoot."

>Ya' get to work on your poetry, if it makes you feel better.

"How's that go?"

>Not good, we can't rhyme.

"Shoot."
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 50AU
>32
"Past 32"
~~~

>So, did you get all of that? You know the exact plan you need right now to kill that bitch-queen and finally end her terrifyingly inept reign?

"I think so."

>Great!

"One question, though. How do I get out of the dungeon?"

>...You're still in there?

"I literally just arrived."

>...I wish you had told me that early on.

"Well, I figured we'd figure out a way to break free fairly quickly."

>...

"We do, don't we?"

>...

"D-don't we?"

>Fuck.
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