Let us shake hands… with the future. The future of anime, and the future of society.

Friends, welcome. On the third season, The Order has risen once again to free us from our eternal struggle. In an industry that rarely takes risks, Hand Shakers stands above all others to become the most daring, most challenging, and most breathtaking anime ever created.

When Gen Urobuchi broke out in the 90’s with the release of Neon Genesis Evangeliation, the anime community was both equally fascinated and outraged at its unique story and characters. Hand Shakers pushes the envelope much further, challenging the community, the industry, and the entire world.

The mere concept of Hand Shakers is the most gruesome, most outrageous, most difficult scenario of all time: A young boy must constantly hold hands with a girl who looks to be half his age. SCANDALOUS!

Sex is often a highly taboo and controversial subject. Today, society holds intense debates over the censorship of breasts and buttocks and shoulder blades day in and day out. Hand Shakers puts the most graphic and intimate of sexual actions, hand holding, on full display for the world to gaze their nervous eyes upon. And with a minor, no less! Indeed, the young Inori Yuzuriha, despite her young appearance, is at the forefront of this gratifying imagery. I’m actually amazed she wasn’t impregnated at any point, given that she and Tarzan held hands for almost every minute of the series.

Oh, but don’t think that’s all. Hand Shakers brings about many more dazzling images of sexuality. In fact, the entire anime is a commentary about different sexual tendencies that are widely controversial, but it irrefutably proves how they are beneficial to our society and should be more widely accepted. Let’s look in detail about each pair of characters.

The first pair of Hand Shakers (the names granted to these brave warriors) are none other than the studio Silver Link, as the acts of bondage portrayed are a callback to the greatest Twilight movie of all time, Fifty Shades of Gray. As silver is a shade of gray and chains are also known as links, it was a cleverly well-placed casting by Mr. GoHands. Furthermore, the actors representing these characters are both high-level veterans respected by many peers and fans alike, showing how serious this anime is on its views. People might look at bondage with fear and disgust, as it does look rather intimidating on the surface. However, as this anime pleasantly shows, pain can also bring about pleasure when delivered properly, and both characters in this couple take great delight in this act. They set a great example for BDSM relationships and should be taken seriously.

The second pair is where Hand Shakers announces its strongest, most passionate stance on the legalization of pedophilia. This couple is nothing more than a grown man with a young girl. Although I disagree with the anime’s opinion, I must respect that it is very brave of them to portray this kind of sexual relationship, especially one as realistic as it is. The young girl often remarks about how mature and grown-up she is because she’s a Hand Shaker; she has a life partner and a good job and even dresses in a professional manner. But this setup often comes off as a joke to people because they don’t take it seriously. It’s unfortunate that the clear message of children being capable of acting as mature and responsible individuals has fallen on deaf ears, but once again I respect Hand Shakers for not only addressing this issue, but tying in the response to its controversial nature into the narrative.

The third pair of Hand Shakers represent another highly controversial and heavily debated topic: incest. This pair is with a brother and a sister, the sister designed with a luscious, curvy body to entice viewers and persuade them to join this movement to decriminalize sex between family members. After all, incest is wincest. This relationship is even sponsored by the popular trading card game, Weiss Schwartz, further proving that even big names are willing to make a much-needed change to our society. It also helps that this is the most realistic, mature, and down-to-earth pair of characters since the brother and sister of the hit 2016 anime, Big Order. But again, the community is too immature to see these characters for who they really are. Instead, they want to complain about completely trivial matters, such as the sister’s breasts moving “unnaturally”, as if they haven’t seem someone’s chest wobble like it’s getting sucked into a fucking tornado whenever they listen to twenty one pilots on their iPhones. You’re all dumbasses.

...whoops, pardon my language. I am only frustrated. I just want to tell the world how incredible this anime is, and all of the themes it represents. Anyway, let’s move on.

The fourth pair of Hand Shakers is actually rather difficult to figure out, as the themes are just too complex for the average person to understand. Fortunately, having seen over 20 animes, I am of superior intelligence, which is why I’m presenting this post to counteract the negativity surrounding this amazing title, and it is my duty to decipher it.

Here we have an older, unattractive man holding hands with a young woman who happens to be an aspiring idol. Instead of focusing on one theme, I believe this pair represents many ideas. First, the appearance of the man contrasting with the beautiful idol girl signify that even the most unassuming of people can find the partner that is right for them, or that appearance has no factor in love. It could merely be a good representation of two people not sexually attracted to one another, but are willing to hold hands because they see something in them that can’t be seen in their physical appearance. Number second, this relationship is particularly business-like, as the older man represents the idol as her manager. It shows how sex can tie into the workplace and be beneficial for at least one of them, and that’s all that matters. Furthermore, the mainstream pop industry has been notorious for displaying many singers and performers in a sexual manner, such as Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, and Death Grips. However, the idol industry in Japan is much more repressed, which makes this relationship in Hand Shakers a very big deal. We must join hands and break these invisible walls that bound society in its currently soulless state.

Finally, the last pair of Hand Shakers is the most fascinating, but be warned, this is a spoiler.

This final pair is none other than a copy of our main characters, Tarzan and Inori. Granted, the two people are different, and only the girl looks similar to Inori, but the theme of this relationship is the same. It’s also portraying ephebophilia, which is very different from pedophilia, and the confusion of these terms has caused many problems in our society. For further information, please see the thoughtful analytical piece of B Kata H Kei by Mumkey Jones.

I haven’t spoken about the main pair of Hand Shakers, because it all speaks for itself. The two meet each other and start holding hands for fun, but they do it so often that they become inseparable lovers, proving that sex is a truly beautiful thing that brings friends and family together and makes the world a better place. It’s a touching and emotional narrative that squeezed many tears from my eyes.

In Hand Shakers, the intimate act of hand holding grants both partners a great power, with which they use to fight with other Hand Shakers to show whose sexual desire is stronger. While I wish the world to be a calm place where everyone can hold hands in peace, this is a piece of entertainment after all, so I must admit that I love a good fight. And what good fights this series holds! Every power is tremendously creative and unique and allows for the users to activate different techniques as their intelligence may command. While Niconico Araki, known for his work in the classic series Stand Alone Complex, has often been regarded as a genius for his creative shounen battles, Hand Shakers might have outdone him once and for all, for the clashes in this anime are breathtaking, such as the clashes between chains and a big fuck-off sword, card games and a big fuck-off sword, and an idol girl and a big fuck-off sword. The possibilities are endless!

And what meshes all thisl together is the immaculate presentation of the anime. GoHands have truly crafted a masterpiece that will stand the test of time. Last year brought in multiple anime that sought out the promises of CG; anime such as Bubuki Buranki, Ajin, and Berserk 2016. Hand Shakers surpasses these titles--no, it surpasses all anime for its visual prowess. Every surface in the world is a mirror, reflecting the clouds in the sky that move at breakneck speed because this anime takes place in a very windy city, which is precisely why Lily’s large bamboozlers wiggle and shake rapidly, even indoors. Characters have hair made out of stained glass, allowing a unique color pallet with a diverse level of shading, and the designs of each character perfectly match the theme they represent.

The animation is nothing short of stellar; the 2D and 3D animation come together so well that they move at two entirely different framerates, creating two unique and interesting flavors that satisfy fans of both traditional and CG animation. The backgrounds, objects, and effects generated from computer animation are so realistic and lifelike that I have a hard time deciding whether they were actually animated, or if the chains and flames, for example, were literally placed above the recorded frames to give a full sense of realism. It looks so natural! I’ve never seen CG used in more brilliant ways before, although I’m greatly anticipating the upcoming Berserk 2016 2017 to break new ground with a clang. Either way, the ambition displayed in Hand Shakers cannot be ignored nor disrespected, especially when considering the messages of the narrative it represents.

The hand-drawn animation holds its own to that of Bones, Trigger, and Funimation. Even with incredible camera movement that twists and turns smoothly and miraculously, the highly-stylized characters manage to stay on model at every single moment. Every frame of movement is perfect and lifelike, as if you’re watching real people act through the motions. And, fret not, the hand holding itself is drawn perfectly. My heart goes out to all the animators working slave wages and not getting enough sleep for all their hard work.

Finally, we must talk about the intricate soundscapes that bring about the atmosphere of each scene, as they were good enough to distract me from the voices in my head that tell me to do questionable things to people with spoons and strawberry jam. Hand Shakers continues to innovate, as each piece of the soundtrack is a different tune taken from the top elevator music composers around the world. Not only that, but each track loops over and over again, creating a tone found in visual novels, blending Hand Shakers with even more genres. The opening theme is sung by Masayoshi Oishi, and bless his heart for singing as well as he did despite having a cold, which is why you can hear him cough at the beginning of the song. Many singers should aspire to work as hard as him. The ending theme is sung by Akino Arai, and its soothing composition can lull anyone into a sleep, so that they may dream of a better world of hand-holding.

The speakings are consistent with every other part of the anime: absolutely perfect. Inori’s two lines of dialogue and her 815 lines of “hm” are delivered with aplomb. No other actress could possibly have fulfilled the role better than Sumire Morohoshi. Likewise, Bind’s 59 instances of “ahhhh!” are handled excellently by Mio Akiyama. There’s nothing else to say other than that every actor and actress was phenomenal and I would like them to read me a bedtime story, because the voices in my head don’t know how to read, unfortunately.

With this review, I hope you have learned the valuable narrative aspects that are explored within the anime Hand Shakers, as many people have misunderstood the intentions of this amazing series and have given it an unfairly low score. While it may appear to be a simple anime featuring beautiful characters, incredible artwork, and great action pieces, it carries many mature and interesting themes of sexuality that must be heard. Hand Shakers is nothing short of a breakthrough for the anime industry, and therefore the entire world, a breakthrough that will likely bring a great change in how laws affect censorship and restrictions on sexual activities.

And so, my friends, I must go. Do tell your friends and family the good word of Hand Shakers. Spread it across your school, your church, your swamp, your office! Follow the example set by this anime: spread the word loud and clear! It’s beautiful, it’s wonderful, and it must be seen by all! You, too, can make America great again. I cannot write any further, for I must do my part and travel the seven seas and sing to humanity the praises of this glorious anime. If you need me… simply reach out your hand, and I shall come to hold it.