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- Ok then; the orc hunter anon reminded me of one.
- Despite being in the PNW, Desert Elves are a not uncommon sight here as well
- >East of the Cascade mountains, you have the Columbia river plateau
- >This area, while not fully a traditional desert, is still basically a desert
- >plains, steppe, and some actual desert
- >Elves who had the misfortune of being merged there became very much like the ones anon orc hunter is talking about
- >However, people actually live out on the plateau, and there are plenty of roads through it
- >So desert elves tend to wander out of the plateau from time to time
- >sometimes these are guys sick of orc hunting and drinking themselves to death
- >sometimes they're elves who have realized "hey, there our forests elsewhere, maybe I should just move there"
- >alot of the time though it's just some desert elf who got really drunk (by THEIR standards) and was so shitfaced they wander into the mountains
- This is one of those times.
- >on my mountain patrol
- >orc driving, well call him HMG-bro
- >Good kind of orc, the local tribe is one of the civilized ones
- >doesn't acutually have an HMG but he really wants one
- >On the truck's MG is a wood elf will call Fudd
- >I call him that because his family are more Fudds than Hippies when it comes to caring for the forest
- >we're driving along, having a nice conversation
- >we turn a bend
- >A fucking emaciated elf is in our way
- >HMG-Bro fucking yells, slams breaks
- >I get out a "WHAT THE FUCK" before the seat belt yanks me back
- >Fudd is cursing heavily as he slams into the back of the cab
- >The elf is standing there, shaking, with a intense expression on his face
- >not the scared shaking of someone having a significant emotional event
- >twitchy shaking, like someone does when they're eager to draw
- >He has a really deep tan, is wearing a wide brim hat with a flannel shirt and jeans
- >At least I think they were jeans, he was also wearing leather chaps
- >we sit in a staredown for a good minute, the only sounds being the idling of the truck and the singing of some birds
- cont.
- ----------
- >Suddenly this guy materializes a 30-30 out of fucking nowhere
- >screams in a mix of English and Elvish
- >"A FUCKING GREENSKIN!"
- >Some elvish gibbering
- >"-TIME FER ME NEX DRINK!"
- >Nut-job elf starts to aim
- >HMG-bro and I are scrambling to draw when we hear a muffled bang
- >the 30-30 flies out of the nut job's hands
- >He doesn't jump or anything, just looks up to see Fudd
- >like he hadn't seen him before
- >an argument in elvish ensues, all I can tell is that it involves HMG-bro
- >Fudd is getting more frustrated sounding
- >"Fine then I have a bottle here."
- >Jumps out of the truck, walking to nutjob with what is obviously an empty bottle
- >Nutjob still reaches for it
- >In a swift motion Fudd breaks it over the top of the nutjob's head
- >nut job collapses
- >Fudd turns towards us
- >"Get the rope, before he wakes up."
- >whatthefuck.avi
- >Bind him, put him in the truck
- >Fudd tells us to drive to his clan's place
- >HMG-bro jokes about having turned a mugging into a kidnapping
- >Could tell he was a little shaken up by the event; he didn't ever want to go patrol the east roads after that
- cont.
- ----------
- >Get to the Fudd family estate
- >It's a big forested property with some log cabins and tree houses
- >the tree houses are really luxury tree blinds for hunting
- >get to grandpa Fudd's place
- >grandpa Fudd's on the porch with grandma Fudd
- >Grandpa Fudd has a DB shottie on his lap
- >Grandma Fudd is more traditional, has a bow instead
- >Fudd starts yelling over at them
- >bunch of fudd come running from all over
- >a minute later I see a horde of camo, Model 700s, bows and crossbows carry the nut-job elf into grandpa's cabin
- >whatthefudd.many
- >grandma fudd gets up and walks in
- >grandpa fudd and fudd talk for a bit, then he tells us we can go back to patroling
- >"Ok then"
- >go finish the days work, nothing else unusual
- >We ask Fudd about it the next day
- >"don't worry about it, he's being taken care of by his kin"
- >don't really get any answers about it until a couple weeks later
- >Be eating brunch before work in the town diner
- >Damn good cherry pie
- >Fudd walks up with someone
- >"Hey guys, look who it is"
- >look up, HMG-bro a little stunned
- >It's the Nut-job elf, now in fudd-clothing
- >still has the hat
- >He and Fudd sit down with us and he starts apologizing to HMG-bro
- >Basically, the desert elf got super shitfaced and, with several days worth of whiskey in tow, got lost in the mountains
- >After he ran out of whiskey, he went through heavy withdrawal
- >was wondering around the cascades getting even more lost while in a fever
- >The fudd family of elves basically got him through his withdrawal and told him where he was
- >He was going to go back to the desert
- >but wanted to apologize to HMG-bro about mistaking him for a dirty feral first
- Still more stories, maybe I'll tell the retarded wendigo one next.
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