I'm going to start this by saying some people won't read it, or they're going to skim it and just be angry from stuff they pick up that they don't like. If this is what you're going to do, just don't say anything please. I get it. I also know that no matter what I say, people are still going to have a negative view of me.

A few days ago, I had heard from one of my friends that Reizoko Cj had died. I made the mistake of not asking who said that, which probably would have prevented this in the first place. I was heartbroken by this, and because I thought it was the respectful thing to do, I posted that status and proceeded to wait on any sort of evidence to come up, this was another mistake I did. I thought that because people didn't really care about his stuff anymore and the fact he was in a literal warzone confirmed this.

I got postblocked on facebook on the 11th and I stopped going on facebook because I figured there wasn't a point if I couldn't post statuses, or share stuff, or even message people.

I thought that was it, but instead of being happy that it wasn't true, it appeared as though the entire community had turned on me. I was postblocked, so I could only watch.

I was in a situation that I was in many times growing up where I was being berated over and over again for making a mistake and I couldn't say anything.

This is the very reason that I never said anything in the first place after a while. If anyone looked at my feed, almost all of it was me either sharing pictures or posting about music. I let my guard down one time to mourn over something I thought had happened, which I almost never do.

It's really hard to see a community you're a part of for over 5 years blow up at you. I considered this family because my situation at home was so shit. I made this music to escape the shitty situation I was in. I don't really see a point anymore if the community I went to to escape my emotionally abusive family acts exactly the same as my emotionally abusive family. I made a mistake and I'm going to be told I made a mistake for months or even years. I can't apologize or make it up enough times. I can't do anything at all to make this go away.

I made one mistake and the entire community decides that I'm a target, even people who didn't care about me decided to attack me because they were just waiting for a reason to do this.

It's so ironic that people are getting pissed at me for lying when I wasn't even the one that lied, someone else did. They were mentioned multiple times, and because people don't want to admit they're wrong, I kept getting shit for this.

I started getting screenshots of stuff people had said, but eventually I stopped because it just made me more upset.

I made a mistake and it probably ruined any chances I had of doing anything I wanted to do.

I thought the breakcore community was different but it was exactly the same. This is the second time I let my guard down to just have it blow up in my face. I can't trust this community anymore.

I'm really sorry for worrying everyone, and I realize I should have thought things through. I'm so tired of getting told over and over again that I made a mistake. I get it.

I've had to move out because my situation was horrible then I had to disown my sister because she turned out to be psychotic, all while finding a job which took 2 months and barely getting any hours from that, on top of being stressed about all the money I owed. This is too much and I can't even talk about anything negative because if I do, nobody will care and I'll just be further distanced from everyone else.

in regards to the vinyl record, it's been hard paying stuff back, but most of the stuff I haven't sent has been because I didn't get an address to mail stuff to despite Reminding people at least 3 times.

I'm just tired. I'm so frustrated because it almost seems like there are people that want me to fail, then as soon as I make a mistake they spread shit like wildfire. I'm a weird person so that can be capitalized on. I'm different, i apologize that I can't be normal.

Of course most people won't read this because they don't want to imagine that they were wrong, that just happens.

The fact that this happens makes me not want to even do breakcore anymore. What point is there in making stuff to escape people treating me like shit if the community is going to treat me like shit for slipping up.

It took a lot of thought, but I'm going to go on an indefinite hiatus. I don't know if I can even trust anyone for this. Some people had my back and didn't just blindly attack me, but some people who didn't care about me prior thought it would be fun to rail on me for all of this. I know some people love drama and the adrenaline, but it just makes me tired. I had to deal with it so much growing up and I'm tired. There's no point in being in a community that doesn't want me. What I had built up to and strived for since I was 15 is ruined.

I'm not going to produce anymore breakcore for a while. I can't. There's probably more I can say but I'm just tired. I'll still do the performances I'd planned on, but I probably won't release anything new for a while.

I'm really sorry about worrying and upsetting a lot of people. I didn't mean to do all of this. I always have held Reizoko Cj in high regard, so all of this is just really hard for me.

I just need some time to think.