Thread 99: Stories 31-45

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>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~

>...Shit.

"If you do not explain to me right now why you just walked into my office, sat your big ass down on my paperwork, shuffled a bit with it and then shouted 'shit', I will do something regrettable. That string of events has so many ways it can go wrong, but you know what? I only care about the one."

>Huh?...Oh, fuck, did I walk in here?

"Fear of what I will have to tell my maids, rising."

>Hm? Oh, no, uh...

"..."

>...Sayyyy, is there any female changeling, NOT named Eighteen or Forty Two, that you like?

"......I beg your pardon?"

>Or Two, I should clarify. Any of them jump out at you as being really trustworthy and yet also completely obedient even if offered a position of power?

"...fear of what I'm going to have to tell my lawyers, rising.

>...You know what? You're right, I'll wait a bit for this, what am I worried about?

"At some point you forgot I have not been a part of this conversation, and I would like to bring this to your attention."

>Pfft, I don't know why I was questioning it, they're ALL loyal to me!... Except for Eighteen... and the potato eating one... annnnd Forty One, that one time... and Two... and...

"..."

>...

"...Aren't you going to do the thing?"

>Oh, right... hah!

"..."

>...

"...I'm worried about you now."

>Awwww!

"Nope. Still worried, this has not dissuaded me."

>You know what would really put my mind a ease?

"Still not dissuaded."

>...

"...Promise me you'll tell me before doing something stupid?"

>...kay.

"Fine, dissuaded."

>...

"Chrysalis?"

>...

"...Gonna do the thing now?"

>MWHA!

"I didn't mean-"

FWOOSH!

"-cheeksmooches... damn it.... I actually miss it. How fucked up am I?...messinuhmuhpaapaers..."

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'Celestia'
~~~~

'...You can't be serious.'

"Look, just... just do this for me, I need this!"

'Really?'

"I did the pool thing for you! Be a bro I need this!"

'Well, you have been there a lot for me... oh, I suppose if it's for you.'

"..."

'...MESSING UP SHINY'S PAAAPPPEERRRRS!'

"..."

'...Nothing?'

"...not a thing."

'Oh, dear...'

"WHAT HAVE I BECOME!?"

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[18]
~~~

[...What.]

"Please? Please, I need this so much, you do not even know."

[Well, I'm usually really keen to shake my ass in front of you, but uh-]

"Thanks! Hop up, please."

[...uh... r-right...]

"On the papers, please."

[Do.. do I have to be ON them on them?]

"That is how this works, yeah."

[Like, can't I just kind of be on the side?]

"...Please?"

[Okay... okay, since you said please...]

"..."

[...M-messing up...]

"..."

[...messing up...]

"..."

[...I CAN'T DO IIIITTT! THEY'RE TOO PRECIOUS TO BREAK WITH MY ASSSSSS! NOOOOO HO HOOO! I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO REFILE THESE! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! DOOOOON"T!]

'Crap.'

[UH BUUUHHH!]

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{42}
~~~

{...What.}

"Please?"

{Fine...}

Shuffle shuffle shuffle

{Better?}

"No no, you have to do it really hard, and say the thing. You have to say the thing, it's super important."

{Fine.}

SHUFFLESHUFFLESHUFFLE

{Messing up Shinings papers.}

"..."

{Nothing?}

"No..."

{WELL I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE HER! I'M SORRY I DON'T HAVE HER BIG BLACK BEAUTIFUL PLUSH ASS! I'M SORRY! NHHHHH!}

SLAM!

"...wait what?"

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-Spitfire-
~~~

-You cannot be serious right now.-

"I am admittedly scraping the bottom of the barrel here."

-Wow, okay, wow.-

"Just... for me? For me old GagnSpitty?"

-Don't call me that in public! Nobody has the context! They'll think it's something else!-

"I really don't see how you can interpret that any other way."

-REALLY!?-

"Just... do this for me?"

-Ugh... ugghhh... fine, but only because we're bros. If we weren't bros, not in a million years.-

"I thank you."

-Yeah, you better... gnn...unggnn... hrk! HRK! GNNNNN GNNNN GNNNNN!-

"You have to say the thing."

-Don't push me, I'm getting to that!... Messing..ahhhnnN!. messing up...GNNN!.... MESSING UP! MESSING MESSING MESSING UP! M-MESSING UP SHINY'S PAPPPPEERRRRSSSSSSSSSS!-

"..."

-Hoo.. hoooooo... ho... you get what you wanted?-

"Sadly, no."

-Well, fuck, my back hurts, I can't do that twice Shiny.-

"No, I understand... Thanks for trying anyway."

-Right... wasn't all that bad, actually... hooo, I'm gonna have marks back there for a week...-

"...I might need to get desperate here."

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~Cadence~
~~~~~

~...Really?~

"Please, Honey, I'm begging you here. I know you won't do anything 'weird' with me normally, be it happy mouthtime fun or anything else other than straight shooting, but I need this."

~I don't know... it seems kind of... dirty?~

"I assure you this request to have you sit on my desk, shaking your ass in front of me so hard on it that it messes up my papers is completely platonic in it's requestness. There is nothing in any way weird about this."

~Oh... well, if you say so! Hupup!... annnnd... wheee!~

"S-say the thing."

~What?~

"The thing, you have to say the thing."

~Really?~

"Say the thing for me please. Just... please, say the thing."

~Is it really that important to say the thing?~

"It is VITAL you say the thing, the whole thing depends on you saying the thing, SAY THE THING PLEASE!"

~Oh, okay... messing up Shiny's paaappperrrrsssss!~

"...That it?"

~Hm? Oh, yep, think I'm done, need to sit here... you get what you needed, Shiny?~

"Oh! Uh... y-yep! Totally got it! You solved it honey, that's exactly what I needed! You are best wife, thank you so much for doing this for me, I know it was weird."

~Ohhh, well, happy to help! Just don't make it a common thing!~

"Do not have to worry about that..."

~What?~

"I said... exactly what I said, actually. Don't have to worry about that! Got everything I needed to right here, best wife."

~Awww, love you too, Shiny! Kiss!~

"Mwah!"

~Well, I'm going to go get my hair done, think it got a little ruffled from this. Oh! I need to bring Forty Two with me, she loves it!~

"Oh, yeah... have fun, honey! I know you love doing... hair."

~I do! Bye sweetie!~

"Bye...bye..."

THUMP!

"...I wonder if I still have that noose from the good old days lying around here somewhere..."

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>Applejack

"...So.... can you?"

>...She's fucked y'all in every single way, hasn't she?

"Please, we so rarely do anything"

>An' y'all want me to crumple and ruin some perfectly important paperwork

"It won't be the same without it"

>....Fine, but y'all owe me next time

Thump

Scritch

Fwip

Frump

"Say it...please?"

>...messenupshinyin's papperrrrrrs

"...Well...."

>Did it work?

"...You kinda made a dent in my desk... but... yeah?"

>...?

"...Okay, I'm sorry, I've gotten so used to it it can't be done without the yelling"

>Y'all need help, in so many ways

"I know.... I know...."

>Ah' gotta get back, jess'... don't hurt yerself, m'kay?

"...Celestia? Are you there? I wanna go back to the... y'know """Bath"""... please?

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(2)
~~~

(Shiny? Ah' heard down the hall, ya' want me ta'-)

"NO!... NOOO!"

(...)

"...Becauuuseeee... then how could you go get your super marchmalley sundae for doing such a good job helping Sombra!?"

(GASP! Ya' mean it!?)

"Sure do! Here, take this giant bag of money, go find Mane-Iac, and you and her go to the icecream shop, far away from here. Make sure you bring Maney!"

(YAYYYYYYYYY!)

SLAM!

"...Oh! Wait, I could use this to desensitize myself to it, surely I don't want it now that she brought it up.... mesunshiny's-FAUST FUCKING DAMN IT!"

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>Chrysalis
~~~~~~~

"..."

>The guard said this was urgent. Is this not urgent?

"...Get on the desk."

>Wait, what?

"...Just do it, and get on the desk."

>Ohhhh, really?

"Do not make this weird... I say, long since past the point it got weird. It got weird when I brought in Spitfire, and it just got weirder after that."

>Oh hooo!

"Just get on the desk."

>Liiiiike, this?

"No, you know that's not right."

>Like this?

"..."

>Thiiiiis?

"..."

>Or... do you mean like... this?

"Yes. Like that."

>Now, what could you want me to do in a position like this? This isn't very dignified.

"You're going to play that game, are you?"

>Oh, Shiny... I love games. Now, what do you want?

"I'm not going to say it.'

>No?"

"But you're going to give it to me."

>Oh myyyy, I love it when you take charge like this.

"I don't need to take charge, I just need to sit her. Because as much as you act coy, as much as you try to take control of a situation like this, I know."

>Know what, exactly?

"...You need this as much as I do."

>Oh, Shiny, Shiny Shiny Shinyyyy...

"..."

>...We both fucking know I do.

"Do it."

>Oh like this? Shake my ass like this? You want more?

"Say it."

>Oh so you do.

"Say it."

>Mmmm...

"Say it."

>HmmMMM!

"SAY IT."

>MESSING UP SHINY'S PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPERRRSSS!

"...mmmm... there it issss... it's so fucked up, but I missed it so much..."

>Ohhhh, yeah. I needed that one so bad. Shouldn't keep them pent up like that. We need to... bond more often.

"Mmm..."

>Shiny?

"...thaku..."

>Oh, Shiny... trust me, the pleasure is all mine.

NOT-SLAM!

"...What happened to my life?"

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 >DT
"SS"
'42'
[Spike]
{77}
~~~~
>It's done...

"What's done?"

>Someone told me you can't make a bullet of bullets, so I spent all night sticking bullets together to make a giant bullet to prove her wrong.

SS sees a cobbled giant bullet on the table with many bullets scattered around.
"How many bullets did you use?"

>I lost count after 25,000...it was worth it...
She puts her head on the table and instantly falls asleep.
>....Zzz.

42 walks in.
'Whoa, nice art piece, DT...Oh she's asleep. I shouldn't disturb her then.'

"Oh no, do your thing. She's dead to the world when she's like this. The only thing she responds to is food."

'What do you mean?'

"A long time ago, I tried to play a prank on DT by putting crackers in her mouth and she just ate it."

'...she sleep eats?'

"Yeah, look."
SS slips a daisy into DT's mouth. After a couple of seconds, DT chews and eats it.
>...Zzz.

'...let me try.'
42 puts a spinich into DT's mouth.
>...nom nom nom...Zzz...

Spike and 77 enter the room.
[What are you doing to DT?]

'I guess I'm feeding her while she sleeps...'
Puts a slice of apple into DT's mouth.
>Nom nom nom...zzz...
'It's oddly fun to watch her sleep eat.'

{This seems a little mean...but I can't seem to look away.}


Slips a potato chip into DT's mouth and she chews it.
>Zzz...original flavor is too salty...Zzz

[...what?]

"She critiques food sometimes too."

{I suppose this is a good a time as any to give her a cookie that Cheerilee made.}
He puts a cookie in her mouth and she eats it.
>...it's shit...zzz.

{Wow, rude poppet. I'll have you know. It's full of love.}
Munches on a cookie.
{and for that...}
Puts a lemon wedge into her mouth.
>...mnnggmmm...sour...zzz.

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>Chrysalis
"AJ"
~~~

"So Ah' was thinkin' that, first off, we're just gonna do somethin' real simple in Canterlot. We gotta get'em out there, so we're gonna be stayin' in hotels fer a bit. Ah' know, the ballroom is right there and cheaper, but breakin' the illusion of 'em hidin' away in the castle is more important."

>Uh huh.

"Then after that, figure we'll just take us a ponyville express. Plenty o' rooms down there, so it'll be a boon to the economy. Just gonna have 'em hang out a bit, talk bout this and that, ya' know."

>Right.

"Iffin' everythin' goes well, well... here's hopin'."

>...

"...Somethin' wrong?"

>...

"Look, iffin' yer' still worried, Ah' already gave ya' mah word, and mah word is as sure as an apple is tasty and nutritious."

>...

"Okay, really? Ah'm tryin' ta' help ya' out here. I'm bein' really really nice, but iffin' yer' gonna be like that, this ain't gonna work. Workin' mah'self inta' a panic went so wrong last time. Ah' need ta' work with ya' on this one, not have ya' lookin' over mah' shoulder!"

>...

"WHAT DO YA' WANT!?"

Slowly, Chrysalis's legs bent at the knees, lowering herself down ever so gradually.

With a single shift, she rubbed her side against Applejack's, bumping her black backside against the princess's orange one.

>HAH! I'm still way bigger! IN YOUR FACE!

"...Seriously?"

>HAH!

"Ah' don't wanna have a bigger damn ass than ya'll!"

>Then why do you look so disappointed?

"...Ah' don't."

>Mmmm hmmm.

"AH' DO NOT!"

>Still so lacking.

"...Just... Ah'll grow inta' it."

>HAH!

"NOT THAT PART!... Gaddang friggen bug monster..."

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>Fleetfoot
"Stormy Flare"
~~~

Silence was not one of Fleetfoot's strong suits. Nor, as it turned out, was disguising herself to look less conspicuous. She was loud, and she liked attention.

As such, when sneaking failed, she turned to a time proven method of succeeding when natural ability and charisma just plain didn't have the mustard.

>Thank god for meh-tier guard paychecks and my huge ass bank account!

She hoofed off yet another positively ludicrous amount to the guard of the castle, and once more he happened to 'miss' her and her companion.

"This had better work."

>I will say literally anything you want if you don't mace me. Want me to sing the cloudsdale anthem? Dignity is not worth eyeballs.

This might seem an odd request, but seeing as how the elder mare was currently on her third canister of the stuff, it seemed prudent to speak up about it. At least until they reached their destination.

Which, after yet more bribery and tricks...

>Ta daaaaaa!

"... It looks like a really odd mirror."

>But it is not! This is our easy way to the Empire's castle! Directly in the heart of it. I dare her to sneak away from you this time!

"That does sound like it would be rather hard..."

>Exactly! Now, just let me punch in the code really quick...

"You cannot be serious, no way would they keep your codes on standby. In fact, they wouldn't even keep Rainbow Dash's, they'd change every Wonderbolt code in the book."

>Ah hah! But they wouldn't change Princess Rarity's!

"...How."

>All you need to know is that I made one little filly very happy about three months ago, and guards cannot afford top shelf birthday cake.

"...Why."

>Because if I'm going on a bender in the Empire, I don't want them to know I went on a bender!

"..."

TSSSS!

>WHY!?

"You deserve this."

>I KNOW! JUST LET ME HIT THE DAMN CODE!

"...Do it."

Beep boop beep, went the magic, and before her very eyes, the swirling vortex came alive.

>After you?

"..."

TSSSSS!

>AHHHHH!

"One for the road."

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OOCO
>Spike
‘Chrysalis’

>Left up here.

‘To the right we go!’

>…why?

‘Because you suck!’

>Only when asked very nicely or compensated generously.

‘Hah! Seriously though, I’m pretty sure you’re wrong like…80% of the time.’

>I’m using the map.

‘And I’m using this!’

‘EEKEEKEEKEEKEEKEEKEEKEEK!’

>GAH! Stop doing that!

‘Aw…are you poor wittle earsies getting hurt? Suck it up.’

>While I’m pretty sure I will be deaf by then end of this I’m actually more concerned about the side effect!

‘Side effect?’

From all around them came a rumbling, and a screeching, and a thundering as hundereds of claws, feet, hooves, and legs stampeded toward them, breaching the entrances all around them with dozens upon dozens of hungry gaping maws…

<ZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPZAPKER-ZAP!>

Which suddenly became large piles of charred flesh.

‘What side effect?’

>Sigh…..

‘What are you bored? Fine! Get out your little toys and I’ll deign to let you kill a few if it’ll shut you up.’

>Nah. I’m fine, you seem to have this alllll under control.

‘Let me rephrase. Your freeloading has begun to annoy me, get your guns out.’

Spike rolled his eyes.

>Fine.

He spat a ball of fire and out of it dropped three shiny weapons and holsters to carry them on his person.

‘WHAT THE FUCK!?’

>Oh… you noticed eh? This is my newest project, Beneficence, she’s a grenade launcher and-

‘NO FUCK THAT. WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM!?’

>oh. Well…I can kinda…store stuff I guess? Not sure where it goes exactly….

>It’s wherever I keep my honorable dragon membership card!…that I made myself.

‘AND YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS!? OR USED IT BEFORE!?’

>Um…well….

‘DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL!? I COULD HAVE SENT LOVE HARNESSES TO KEEP MY PEOPLE SAFE ON YOUR IDIOT TEAM’S ‘MISSIONS’! OR SENT EXTRA TELEPORT TOKENS! OR OR…FUCK I DUNNO JUST…OPTIONS! WHY WOULD YOU HIDE THIS!?’

>I FORGOT OK!? I DON’T REALLY HAVE A LOT OF STUFF SO I PRETTY MUCH NEVER USE IT! IT ONLY JUST RECENTLY OCCURRED TO ME! SUE ME! JEEZE!

‘…ok’

>What?

‘I’m going to sue you.’

>FOR WHAT!?

‘Negligence. As team lead you should have used everything at your disposal to get my people back safe and you held out unnecessarily endangering them.’

>FUCK YOU!

‘Not even with a rented plot.’

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 >Twilight
"Dragon"
~~~~~

When she had heard the call that there was a dragon coming within reach of Canterlot, she had been worried.

"What up tirblycorn! How you up in this playah?"

Less so when she heard him.

>Oh sweet mercy it's you

"Me? Shiiiiit, dunno what'cha sayin' trippypony, me and you ain't never done crossed like the criss, ya' drig?"

>How. How did you make it clear over here?'

"HA! Ain't complicated little tappy shoes, just put one foot front of the other like it ain't a thang and got my strut right on, here I is!"

>I ju-ugh... please leave.

"The Spike you say!?"

>What? Why-oh, right, that's a curse.

"Best be slowin' yo' purple ass roll or I'll Spike you up!"

>I don't even know what this means. What does that mean!?

"The Spike you think it means!? I ain't talkin' bout what pops out my tail, digponylig?"

>...That fire monster was over here a bit ago.

"OH SPIKE! Awwwww Spike this shit right here, I ain't gettin' got cause you little gemdrops had to bring over that thing! I'm tellin' all my homeboys they best be steppin' off!"

>Really? That's what makes you run, not Chitania?

"...who?"

>She stomped your... ugh 'homeboy' flat before he... 'hit that'."

"...NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE-"

GONE!

>...Spike wanted to learn more about these guys. He actually just... why must everyone I meet show up again at least once more?

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 >Applejack
"???"
~~~~

>Now ya' ain't gotta pack heavy, ya' dang bugs. Stop pickin' up all yer'- YES IT'S STILL GONNA BE HERE WHEN YA' COME BACK! Ya' ain't gonna lose it!... STOP HUGGIN' IT!

"Hey, Sis? What should Ah' bring on mah trip?"

>STOP PACKIN' HEAVY!

"Oh, okay. Thought Ah' should, cause it's so far away, but iffin' ya' want me ta' go low, Ah'm goin' low! Still though, Ah'm a little worried."

>Oh fer' petes sake, will ya' stop worryin' so much!?

"Well, if ya'll say so. Yer' the best at knowin' how ta' pack."

>Yer dang right, ya' put that down! Now, we all clear on where we're going?

"Well, actually, the map's a little hard ta' read-"

>STOP SAYIN' NO!

"That was more uh Ah'm not sure-"

>Screw it, just wing it anyway!

"Oh... cool! That sounds kinda fun, really! Adventure!"

>That's the spirit, get excited!

"Ah'm excited!"

>Know where yer' goin' and gonna blaze a trail, ain'tcha?

"Yer' dang right Ah' am!"

>Now, who's ready ta' go!? Ya' pumped!?"

"Ah' am!"

>AH' SAID YA' PUMPED!?"

"YEP!"

>Then ya'll better get ready and head out!

"AH'M AM! Bisonguard, here Ah' come! Come on, Crusaders! Applejack said okay!"

>That's the- oh hey! Applebloom! Didn't see ya', what're... huh. Where's she goin'?... Well, she left her backpack here, so Ah' guess she ain't runnin' off or nothin'. Shoot, probably just got mad at me for ignorin' her. Ahhhhh, Ah'll take her on a campin' trip when Ah' get home, that'll cheer her up... now who's-STOP TRYIN' TA' EAT YER DANG POTTED PLANT! NOBODY IS GONNA STEAL IT AH' SAID!.. ugh, least Ah' can count on the CHILD not ta' do anythin' too crazy!

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