Changeling: Prompt 12 for /foe/

	I am Happy Days, and I’m the luckiest stallion in the Wastelands!
	I met the kindest, most prettiest mare in the whole of Equestria, aside from my Mama, and she loves me back, and we’re going on adventures now, like that nice Stable Dweller! I’d never thought I’d be this happy, but here I am. How did this happen to me?
	Well, you see, it all started a few days ago…
~ ~ ~
	“CELESTIA DAMN YOU, HAPPY DAYS!”

	Sighing into my can of food, I dropped the spoon and looked up to see an angry orange stallion marching across the spot we had stopped, moving through groups of heavily packed carts and pushing past other guards.
He was the pack boss for the caravan, and the pony who hired me, Long Haul. And when he was angry, he was not a nice pony.

	“THREE TIMES, THREE FUCKING TIMES I’VE TOLD YOU TO TIE DOWN THE BUNDLES PROPERLY!” Taking a deep breath, he leaned even closer, the smell of moldy hay floating across the small gap between us, making me scrunch my nose slightly. “THREE! YOU FUCKING MORON!”

	I could feel my own anger begin to rise in me. I could take a lot of things, but being called a moron wasn’t one of them.

	“Ay swear Ay tied them down good, Mister Haul.”

	“The fuck you did, you just gave them a fucking bow knot!

	“But that’s the only knot I know how to tie, sir!”

	I could see his eye begin to twitch, as he fumbled for an answer.

	“Fucks sake son, you’re just plain fucking stupid, you know that?”
Haul took a deep breath, swelling up like one of those balloon things I’ve heard about. There again was one of those words I couldn’t stand. Stupid. Who was he to try and make himself be better than me?
“You take a potshot at Shady yesterday, and now this shit?”

	“Mister Haul, if Shady hadn’t been sneaking around and had come out like a normal pony Ay wouldn’t have shot at him.”
	There it was again, the eye twitch.
	“He’s a Luna-damned SCOUT, that’s what he’s supposed to do!” With a loud huffing sound, Long Haul pointed back over to the carts I had tied down earlier. “Now go tie down those carts again, but do it right this time! I’ll make sure one of the other guards shows you how to PROPERLY do the job, you goddess damn retard!”

	That was it. I had enough. Three times now he had tried to tell me I was an idiot. I was done working for this total jerk standing before me. Letting my anger bubble over, I took my own deep breath and looking deep into his eyes. Please forgive me Mama, for what I’m about to say.

	“BUCK YOU, MISTER HUAL. AY’M NOT STUPID, OR A MORON, OR REE-TAR-DID! MAMA SAID AY’M SPECIAL AND AY DON’T NEED TO TAKE THIS FROM ANYPONY!” Huffing and puffing, I reached over, flicking my saddlebags over my haunches, before reaching for my trusty pistol. “SHE SAID I DON’T GOTTA TAKE NO BAD WORDS FROM NOPONY!”
	“BUCK YOU, AND BUCK YOUR STUPID CARAVAN, AY CAN MAKE IT OUT THERE ON MUH OWN!”

	I had to go, before I ended up bucking Haul in the face. Storming off over the nearest hill, I could hear him running up behind me. Was he really going to try and stop me after all he had said?

	“Yeah, you’re specially dumb if you think you can make it out there! There are raiders about son! Now get the hell away from my caravan before you bring them right to us!”

	Buck him.
---

	As it turns out, he was right.

	It didn’t take longer than an hour for them to find me. I had just went over what I swear was the hundredth hill, and was making my way down. And then there they were, appearing from behind a rock and shrubs.
	All three of them looked very hungry, a very not good pony look in their eyes as they slowly circled around me, two earth ponies, a green mare and an orange stallion, and very dangerous looking blood-red unicorn mare.

	“Oooh, lookkee watsa we gots here guys, fresh meat!” The red mare licked her lips as she said this, closing in even tighter to me. “And he looks good enough to EAT!”

	The other two cackled loudly at this, as they both pulled out rusty looking knives, before the unicorn mare herself wrapped her magic around a big shotgun hooked onto her armor. I knew a bad stich-u-ation when I saw one.

	“Uh, look, Ay’m not lookin’ for any trouble, Ay’m just traveling on my way to somewhere else, ya see?”

	The group just laughed louder, bringing their weapons towards me. Oh by the Goddesses, how was I going to get out of this one? I decided to try and grab my gun, but they saw me, the orange stallion tackling me and knocking my pistol away, a nasty grin stretched from ear to ear as he brought the knife close to my throat.

	*BANG*

	With a loud scream, the stallion was thrown off me, falling to the ground a short ways away, a rather large hole opened in his chest, kicking a few times before going limp. The other two raiders whipped their heads around, as a blue unicorn mare slid down the hill, a rather large revolver being held by her magic, colored a bright green.

“Hey, looks like you could use some help their, buddy!”

	The raiders didn’t take too kindly their companion being cut down. The green mare charged at the new mare, slashing the knife towards her, as if she was going to cut her before being shot.

	*BANG*

	She in fact, did not make it.

	I rose to my hooves, shaking unsteadily and wiping the chunks of stallion off of me as the two remaining ponies stared each other down. The red mare was clearly in a stronger position, being much closer, and she had much thicker armor then her friends, whereas the nice mare who had come to rescue me was clearly wearing nothing but a loose fitting leather suit.

	Trying my hardest not to draw their attention, I looked around for my gun. It had to be around here somewhere! My search was cut short, as I saw the red raider finally bring her shotgun to level, pointing it directly at my rescuer. I didn’t have any time.
	And Mama did always tell me to use my head to solve problems.

	Breaking into a full-on gallop, I slammed into the raider head first, wrapping my hooves around her and taking her down like a sack of potatoes. In the tussle, I saw her tighten the grip on the trigger, before her gun swung up violently from my tackle, firing past where the mare had been, and into the ground.

	We rolled their on the ground, kicking and stomping on each other. Finally seeing my chance, I swiped at her head, clipping her hard on the temple and pushed her away. She rolled along the ground, clearly stunned from my heavy blow.

	The blue mare didn’t take any chances for her to get up.

	*BANG*

	I just lay there, panting heavily, tired from my sudden burst of action. My rescuer merely trotted over to me, giving me a worried expression as her gun slowly floated back into a holster attached to her leg. From down on the ground, I finally got a good look at the pony that had saved me.

	She was a really dark blue, like how the lake back home use to look when the sun hit it just right. Her mane was a very light brown color, like old dried dirt. And it was sooooo long. Even longer than Mama’s hair was. She had tied it into a cute looking ponytail, held together by what looked like a piece of string.
	She was the prettiest mare I had ever seen.
	I was pretty sure I was wearing a goofy grin, too.

	“You okay there, buddy?”

---

	After helping me up, she decided to make camp for the night, the fight having taken out quite a bit from both of us. It only took a short while for me to fun my handy pistol, having fallen between a rock and a dried looking shrub.

	“Ah, sorry about not catching up to you before the raiders did. I’d been following you for a couple hours,” She blushed slightly, as turning away from me as she did. “I hadn’t quite figured out how to approach you until they attacked you.”
	“But where are my manners!” She reached out a hoof, grasping mine as a wonderful smile spread across her face. “My name is Love Blossom!”

	Even her name was pretty!

	“M-my name is Happy Days.”

	I couldn’t believe my luck. Just this morning, I had a loud, angry, not-nice pony shouting at me, and now here I was, chatting with the prettiest mare in the wastes! Oh gee, how was I going to make her like me back? What was it that Mama told me about mares?
	‘If you like a mare, and you want her to like you, try telling her a joke, open up a little.’
	Yeah, that sounded like a plan! Now, for an actual joke…

	“So, uh, Love Blossom…”
	“Yeah?”
	“Why’d the cookie go to the hospital?”
	I could tell she was confused; most ponies were when I was trying to be funny.
	“Because it felt crummy.”

	I knew it, I wasn’t a clever pony, she’d never think that was funny, never in a million years. I had blown it.
	And then she laughed. A really, real laugh. She just sat there, laughing loudly at my joke. I couldn’t believe it.

	“Ha! Ah, that was so lame, I couldn’t help but laugh!” There was that blush again, a bright pink forming on her cheeks that only made her look prettier. “Sorry if I hurt your feelings, it’s just the last thing I expected out here was a joke, you know?

	I know how she felt, there were so few good ponies out here, it was hard to get by sometimes. I knew I had to tell her how I felt.

	“Uh, Ay would like to say,” I breathed in deeply, feeling how nervous and jittery these feelings made me, hoping against everything that she felt the same way! “Thatyouaretheprettiestmareay’veevermet!”

	I almost shouted those last words, surprising Love Blossom with their fierceness.

	“You’re cute when you’re nervous, you know that?” She paused, looking thoughtful as she stared out at the hills behind me. “But, you know, aren’t we moving a little fast here, Cassaneighva?”

	Huh? That wasn’t my name.
	Clearly, she saw my look of confusion, merely shaking her head and clearly trying to hold back another laugh.

	“Don’t take it personally, I’d just rather give it a little more time, seeing as how we just met and all!”

	I couldn’t help myself, sighing and looking at the ground. But then again, she said she’d give it time. Maybe that meant she’d give it a go? Who was I to know, I was just a simple pony after all.

	“Anyways, it’s getting dark, so I think we should get some sleep, be ready to take on the day tomorrow. Don’t think we have to worry about any raiders, I didn’t see any more around while I was following you.”

	Nodding, I decided the best course of action was to listen to her, pulling out a very used sleeping bag and laying it down on the ground. Looking over, I could see Love Blossom settling in herself, extinguishing the small fire we had going. Shaking my head, I laid down, trying to make sense of what happened today.
---


	I was a light sleeper, Mama always said so. Said the slightest bump in the night would wake me.
	So it didn’t surprise me when I woke suddenly, hearing Love Blossom slide out of her own bedding. Cracking open an eye, I watched her move past me, muttering quietly to herself.

	“…thank the Goddesses, he’s finally asleep.”

	Sliding past me, I watched her move past a bunch of boulders, slipping behind them and out of sight. Feeling worried for her, I waited, watching to see if she would return quickly. Maybe she was visiting the little filly’s room?

	When she didn’t return soon, I decided to follow her, and make sure she was alright.

	As I rounded the corner, the night was suddenly brightened by a bright flash of green, over in the direction that Love Blossom had went! I broke into a run, afraid something had happened to her, sliding around the corner, before coming face to face with…
	A giant bug of some sort.
It was big and black, with bright blue, shiny eyes, and it had funny holes all over its body, even on its tiny little clear wings.

	I fell to my butt, the bug looking just as surprised as I was. However, that ended quickly as I saw that same green magic grab a gun strapped to it, just like Love Blossom had hers. What had this bug done to her?
	And then it talked.

	“No, no, no! Dammit, why did you have to follow me! You were supposed to be ASLEEP!”
	It was her, it was Love Blossom!

	Love Blossom levitated the gun, pointing it at me, close to my head. Her voice sounded scared, almost hurt at me seeing her like this. Knowing it was her and not something that had hurt her, I felt relieved. It was odd though, I’d never seen a pony change his or her shape before.

	“Uh, sorry, Ay thought you was hurt or something, you didn’t come back after you left!”

	The gun shook in her magic's grasp, clearly scared of me for some reason. Why was she, what had I done?

	“DAMN IT ALL!”
	I could see it, she was hurt. There was this strange stuff leaking out of her side. It wasn’t blood, it was too dark and thick for that, but it still look like it hurt.
	“I d-don’t want to have to kill another innocent pony, not again...”

	What! Why did she have to kill me? I was really starting to panic now, what had I done that was so bad?

	“Ay-Ay’m sorry, Ay didn’t mean to sneak up on you! Ay don’t even know what Ay did wrong!”

	That seemed to get her attention, the revolver lowering slightly as she limped over to me, her eyes shining in the paleness of the night.

	“What do you mean? Aren’t you scared of me?”
	“Why should Ay be?”
	I could see the fear in her face; there were tears at the corners of her eyes. She was hurting bad right now, and I couldn’t help her.
	“Because I’m a changeling. I’m a monster!”
	“A monstah? You don’t look like no monster Ay’ve met out here. You ain’t like those big dog things, tearing everything up, or those nasty bloatsprites, all lumpy and ugly.”
	“But I can change everything I am on a whim, how can you trust me?”
	I looked her right in the eyes, how couldn’t she know? Mama always knew the right answers, she didn’t have a smart Mama like I did it seems.

	“Well, Mama always said not to judge a pony by how he or she looks. Maybe he or she might be missing a limb, or might be ugly, or might even be one of those squishy dead ponies that move around. That don’t make them any better than me or you.”

	She lowered the gun slowly, taken by surprise with what I was saying.

	“Ay right reckon she didn’t ever see a pony that could change shapes and all, but it don’t matter. You’re still the same pony on the inside, s’far as Ay see it.”

	Love Blossom just sat there, before she moved right next to me, looking at me. No, wait, it was almost like she was looking past me.
	I felt a funny little tickling sensation go through me as her horn gave off a soft light, as if somepony was nibbling on my ear.

	“Oh by the Goddesses. You aren’t lying…”

	Why would I be?

	She sobbed quietly, as if something big had just happened to her. Maybe it had, I wouldn’t know any better if it did. I just wrapped my leg around her, moving her back towards the camp and towards our healing potions.

	After giving her one of my potions, and making sure she wasn’t hurting anymore, I lit the fire again for both of us, laying across from her, just looking at her as the shiny plating on her closed up.

	“So, you’re not afraid of me?”
	“Nope.”
	“I hope you know, I feed on emotions.”
	“Like you actually eat them? Isn’t that hard?”
	I must have said something funny, because she laughed again. Hey, I must be getting better at this joking thing!
	“No, no, I think with you, it won’t be hard, will it Happy?”
	I could only nod, not really knowing what she was getting at. If she was happy, I was happy. Her eyes sort of turned in their sockets, as her rather toothy mouth split into a grin.
	“You really do care for me, don’t you?”
	“Yup, of course!”
	I did wonder about one thing though.
	“So, what are we gonna do tomorrow?”

	Love Blossom merely leaned against a hoof, looking out past me again, that same thoughtful look showing on her new face just as much as her old face.

	“Well, I heard the next town over really needs somepony to clear out a Radscorpion nest. How’s that sound?”
	“If you’re going, Ay’m going to!”
	“Well, that settles it then.”
	---
	And that’s how me and my marefriend came to travel the wastes together.
	I might not be the smartest pony around, but she’s the best thing ever to happen to me, you see	?
	‘Hehe, you can certainly say that, I swear, you’re going to make me fat off of all this love someday!’