Karolan Benoit
okay well, i have to talk to you

SaturdayJack Merzetti
go on

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
today and the talk i had with my mom earlier made me realize a few things
not going to go into details but i'm not ready for anything, i thought having a blind and just hanging out could've been fine but i guess i'm not even ready for that either
i need me time, and school and work time for now
blind = fling

SaturdayJack Merzetti
hmm okay

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i don't know what to say now

SaturdayJack Merzetti
well i mean do you not want to see me for a while

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
well, i really enjoy being with you and being friends with you - i mean, your a really good friend
i just don't want to like, lead you on, or anything alike and that's why i couldn't wait to tell you because that would've made me feel like a really big bitch (even though i already feel like that)

SaturdayJack Merzetti
okay i have two questions
do you currently have feelings for me
do you WANT to have feelings for me

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i think i rushed myself into thinking i had feelings for you but now that I've stepped back for a moment i don't really
i just think i have the sort of feelings where i appreciate you as a person, but yet i don't know you that much

SaturdayJack Merzetti
is that a yes or a no

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
it's a I'm scared

SaturdayJack Merzetti
if you're afraid of hurting my feelings,
don't

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
okay, i'll explain something to you
when you meet someone and like them, you feel instantly comfortable with them, when your sitting beside them you can't keep your hands away from them, you constantly want to kiss them and when your not with them you want to kiss them even more and snuggle with them and go out and do things with them

SaturdayJack Merzetti
but,

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
but...?

SaturdayJack Merzetti
do you feel like that?
or not

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i don't
and that's why i'm telling you now rather than waiting it out
and i know you don't really feel that way too, and i know as a fact that you'll feel that way about someone and understand exactly what i mean
because someone already told me that

SaturdayJack Merzetti
the thing is though i do feel that way about you
but i don't know - you seemed kind of if-y today

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i know i did and i'm sorry about that
i think i just don't want to be involved with a guy for a while because before liking someone else i need to be over my last relationship, i need to be okay with everything and comfortable with myself again, you know?

SaturdayJack Merzetti
i understand
it's just not sinking in at this point in time

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
what do you mean

SaturdayJack Merzetti
i don't know
logically i can understand
emotionally i just don't want to

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i understand
i know you don't attach yourself to people
but, i know this sounds so like cliche and stupid but fuck
you're so great jack you have no idea and i know you lack that confidence that your good looking and funny and smart but get it, i swear to god, get it because you're actually a good person (and i don't tell that to like anyone) you'll find a girl and be like "that's her" and it won't be me, i know it sounds stupid saying so right now though

SaturdayJack Merzetti
thank you

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i mean it

SaturdayJack Merzetti
i know you do

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
and i'm sorry if i hurt you

SaturdayJack Merzetti
don't worry about it

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i hope we can still talk and stuff

SaturdayJack Merzetti
i really had a feeling though this wouldn't work

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
why

SaturdayJack Merzetti
it was like you said, we're in such different levels in our lives
you live so far, you're in cegep, your social life is completely split off from mine
i don't want to sound like distance is a problem but
it pretty much was in every aspect

SaturdayKarolan Benoit
i agree
i wish age didn't matter but it does, whether you want to look around it or not

SaturdayJack Merzetti
sigh yes