Thread 25: Stories 121-135

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>32
"29"
~~~~~

>So... that is your friend?

29 rolled his eyes, wearily staring at a blank spot next to him.

"Ugh, friend is a stretch, I should say.... my goodness you are a chatty one. Do you even breat- oh, haha. Walked right into that one."

>Ah, of course... well, this is my friend, Q. Say hi, Q.

The pile of stone didn't even twitch, of course.

>Q says hi.

"...Right. Oh, how nice to meet... oh, fine. This little colt is named Righthook, he is... he WAS a member of the east side street gang in Fillydelphia."

>...Nice to meet you, Righthook.

"He actually wants to shake your hoof."

>O-oh... how polite of him. Ah...

Awkwardly, he stretched out his hoof through the bars and shook it up and down.

"That was his nose, but I suppose he gets the idea."

>Right...

"Well, I must be off. Another one yet to be sent to the great beyond still! I do hope you enjoy those novels I brought you."

>Oh yes, Thorax is quite intrigued by them. Never knew he had such a hunger for classic literature. Do thank him, Thorax.

*Chitter!*

>My word, such praise! Why don't you ever talk about me like that?

*Chitter*

>Ungrateful little...

"...Uh... huh... well, I must be off, take care, 32."

>Yourself as well, 29.

It was only after they were well, well out of earshot that the two voiced their minds in a synchronized event that would forever go unnoticed in this universe.

>"That guy's nuts."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Celestia”
_______

>Hey, Celly, quick question?

“Nnnnh! By the hair on Starswirls saggy left testicle, you purposefully waited until I climbed into bed, didn’t you?”

>Ah plead the fifth.

“Begone, rotten apple of the field! Begone and never darken my doorway with your ill-gotten seed again!”

>Hawh, apple-related put-downs. Clever.

“Go awaaaaaaay….”

>Whinin’ now? Is that really proper Princess behavior?

“Oh kiss the fattest part of my ass. I just got finished putting that blasted sun in the sky; I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I just wanna slee-he-he-heeeep!”

>Y’all can sleep. After Ah ask mah question.

“Fine, fine! Ask it already!”

>Two wanted to have a tea party with her auntie today and wants to know if y’all got the time.

“…”

>Um, Celly? Y’all okay...? Yer’ lookin’ kinda… oh dear… those are tears. Those are tears and y’all’re cryin’….

“I… I haven’t been invited to a tea party in so long….”

>…

“Yes, yes I have the time.”

>Okay, an’ when will-

“Right now.”

>That’s the quickest Ah’ve ever seen ya get outta bed before….

“Step aside or get thrown out the window. I’ve some tea to partake with my niece.”

>Hawh. Have fun, Celly.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ12
“Customers”
_________

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE SLOWEST DONUT MAKER I’VE EVER SEEN!”

>It’s not my fault, sir, it’s this stupid machine-

“I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR TWO HOURS!”

>Who waits two hours for half a dozen glazed-

“WANT ME TO THROW ON AN APRON AND JUMP BACK THERE TO MAKE MY OWN DAMN ORDER?”

>Is that sarcasm, ma'am? If not, hey, feel free, my wing just got snagged in the-

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

>Wherever this damn conveyor wills me.

“OUR DONUTS!”

>Sorry, we’re closed now. Come back tomorrow, it's free donut day.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"2"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~

>Annnd, twirl!

"WHEEEE!"

>You aren't supposed to go 'whee', it ruins the image of poise and grace.

'Caddy? Where did you hide the good hairdryer- whoa now.'

"Hi Not-Mom! We're learning Princess stuff!"

>Stay away from my hairdryer.

'Is dancing really a vital thing for a Princess?'

>Of course! When at any formal function where dancing would be required, it is important to show your prowess and grace.

'Riiiight.'

>Oh, you would say that. You were an absolute disaster at the Gala.

'I was not!'

>Two, show her.

"Ya' did this.... WHEEE!"

'... What's wrong with that?'

>Oh sweet auntie Celestia, you think that's good?

'It looks fine to me.'

>Who taught you to dance?

'...'

"...Not-Mom? Caddy asked ya' who taught ya' ta dance?"

'...Ah.... not important.'

>...Oh dear.

'What? Not like it was really vital or anything. Was more concerned with not getting caught, feeding everyone, stuff like that. You ponies might have to just sit around and file some paperwork on occasion, but you forget it was up to me to find love for my hive. I didn't get to be a pretty pink princess living in a castle, I got to be a badass Queen slipping in and draining dry, and not in the fun way.'

>...I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply you were lesser for not knowing how to dance.

'Well, good. Because implying I'm lesser at anything is hilariously sad.'

>Do you want to learn now?

'...Sorry?'

>I mean, you're in a castle, your hive is all fed and happy and safe, now's a good time to learn it, wouldn't you say?

'...'

"C'mon Not-Mom! It's really really fun!"

>If nothing else, at least you won't look so silly dancing with Shiny at the next Gala.

'...I suppose it would kill the time.'

"YAY! C'mon, Caddy says ya' gotta do it like this!"

'Like... this?'

>Wow, okay, we have a LOT of work to do.

'...'

>...And plenty of time to do it. Annnd, left hoof, right hoof!

'...Fine, this is kind of fun.'

"Told ya! WHEE!"

'Whee indeed.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cheerilee
"29"
'MM'
[Trixie]
{Zecora}
~~~~~~

>Are you... sure about this?

"No. Not in the least, this is a foolish act that I will come to regret very shortly, so just hurry up and get it over with."

'Okay, Niney? I don't want to tell you how to do this, but...'

[Trixie thinks you should shut up right now, this is going to be funny.]

{Ignore the one so blue and cruel. 29, you should not go through with this duel.}

>She's right. I'm not going to lie, you coming up to me and saying 'I have to fight a demon' made me think you were drunk.

"Perhaps I am! Perhaps I once taste a wine so delectable , or a brew so strong that even now mine mind whirls with the vapors of what has passed!"

[Or you just got a concussion or something that remains to this day.]

"THAT TOO! Teacher of those so young, unleash the beast before my mind catches up with the insanity that is about to occur!"

>You're the boss.

"Now, come forth, creature! Come forth and I shallISTHATAJAGUAROHFU-"

>Ooooo... ouch.

[HAH! It went right for the face!]

'Come on Niney! Get back up and get swinging!'

{...That is it, you have it now! Cock your arm back and take off his jaw with a POW!}

'UPPERCUT! UPPERCU-YEAAAAH!'

[He's still losing pretty hard.]

{Of course, without challenge this fight would be a bore. The child wanted a simple battle, and he has gained so much more!}

>So... uh... you guys do know I could've just gone and gotten 77, right? He's, like... actually a fighter? 29 doesn't seem like he can fight all that well.

'He can't, he's worried it will scuff his hooves. He takes a long time to shine them.'

[POW! Right in the faceahahah!]

'See? Totally scuffed now.'

>Are you... enjoying this?

'...'

{...}

[VERY! It's awesome, why?]

>...I understand.

'You do?'

>Oh yes, it's... quite something to watch them fight, isn't it?

{...Indeed...}

>...You know, they are AMAZING in bed.

{I have heard, that is the word.}

'And, trust me, I know.'

>...Wait, wha-

"THOU DAMNED CREATURE! THOU FOULEST BEAST! TO HELL! TO HELL I DAMN THEE AS THOU HAST BEEN DAMNED BEFORE! BEGONE! BEGONE FROM MINE SIGHT AND MIND!"

*BOOOM!*

{Oh my.}

'Sexy talk sold it.'

[Aww, Trixie just lost fourteen bits. He was supposed to lose.]

>Yoink!

"Now then.... satisfactory?"

*FLASH!*

"Good to hear.... Zecora? I am going to need some medical sa- oh what pretty colors.."

*WHUMP!*

>...Huh. And he never knew these kids? They're not, like, his bastard children or something?

'Nope.'

>...Weird.

[Tell Trixie about it. He is nuts.]

{Tis not our way to judge his choices. It is his decision to answer their voices. He could walk away anytime, it's true. But something has stirred, and in his heart has begun to brew. It is his choice, not ours. All we can do is help him in these trying hours.}

'...What she said. Come on, you get the left, I'll get the right. Let's get him home and patched up.'

{On it.}

>...Huh.

[What?]

>Nothing... nothing... aren't you going with them?

[...Yes. Of course Trixie is. Because... he has the apartment key again! Curse him! CURSE HIM!]

~...Those four are nuts.~

>You said it, talking jaguar demon that lives in my cupboard.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fancy Pants
“Batmomma”
‘Dadling’
-56-
__________

The knock came directly on time, just three short raps against the frame.

When Dadling pulled it open, he wasn’t shocked to see the regal Fancy Pants on his doorstep. Nor was he surprised to see 56 at the stallions side, just as excited and bouncy as always.

-Howdy ho, muh cousin with the really, really stupid long name! Where is she, where is she, where is she?-

Dadling only stared at the smaller Changeling, then up at Fancy Pants with a smile that was almost apologetically returned.

>Sorry about dropping by at this unsightly hour, old chap, it’s just… I’d heard that there was something amazing brewing in a certain mare’s stomach? Is that true?

-It’s true alright! And lemme tell ya, all that weight gain has gone straight to where it matters the most! Glimglam’s got these amazin’ hips, and her butt? Sweet merciful potato sauce, can we say drool? I’ll say it: druh-ooool!-

‘…’
>…

‘Gotta say, if it were anybody else but 56 saying those things, I might feel a twinge of anger. As it stands, I’m just confused, as I always am around him.’

>The sentiment is shared in its entirety, er… what was your name again?

-He’s Dadling! Well, that’s just his nickname, and thank God for that because his real name would tie your tongue into a bajillion knots!-

And 56 slipped under Dadling’s hoof, scurrying with a mighty haste into the house and down a hall.

‘And there he goes… but yeah, just call me Dadling as I’m pretty sure my Queen was on some sort of drug when she named me.’

>So it shall be, Mr. Dadling.

‘Just Dadling, Fancy. Come on in, can I get you a drink? Water? Beer?’

>Any shade of merlot on the ready?

‘Ah yes, but my fiancé would choke me out with my own wings if I even-’

Fancy Pants only chuckled as he followed Dadling towards the sitting room.

>Say no more, friend. I’m privy to that particular game all too well. I’ll just do without.

‘Heh, wife got you on a ball and chain, too?’

>More like cage, really. But it’s a well-furnished and brightly lit cage so there’s little to complain about. She just gives me a list at the beginning of the week, in the way of do’s and don’ts, you see. Some weeks, I’m allowed to compliment her looks an excess of sixty times.

‘…’

>I know, quite the generous lady I’ve fallen for.

‘Huh. Mine just says not to set the kitchen on fire on the days where she feels like cooking.’

>By that humorous admittance, is it safe to assume that your time in the kitchen amounts to that of my wife’s?

‘Your wife can’t cook either, eh?’

>Oh, quite the opposite, my dear boy! My wife is an exemplary chef, but you’d sooner be able to bag a Dire Dragon than get her to actually pick up a spatula.

‘Yeah, my girl can throw down in the kitchen, too. The real stuff, too, not that secondhand junk out of boxes. Makes hers completely from scratch with her own two beautiful hooves.’

A heartfelt sigh followed Dadling’s bit of bragging and Fancy Pants twitched an ear.

>…You’ve a rather dreamy look about you, Dadling. Just the mere thought of your muse is enough to set your heart racing, is it?

‘Like a horse on speed. Um, no offense.’

>None taken. I think….

‘But yeah, call me whipped or whatever, but I love my girl. I kiss the ground she walks on, praise Celestia every day I wake up and she’s by my side, and, while I’d never say this in front of 56, I worship her ass daily.’

>Hm… in an effort at joining in on this ‘husband’ talk, Fleur doesn’t possess a rear as profound as all that, but her eyes… I find those to be the purest jewels I’ve ever come across. Every time she blinks, thereby depriving me of them, I feel as a man lost at sea, hopeless and unsure of myself.

‘Whoa, deep.’

>Merely truth, I assure y-

An aggravated groan interrupted Fancy Pants and both men looked up to see Glimmer in the room. Her cheeks were puffed out in an adorable pout, determined not to say anything of the younger Changeling happily nuzzling against her broad hips.

>Ah, Miss Glimmer! It’s an honor to meet-

She completely ignored him.

“Dear. Aren’t you going to do something? You know, about this?”

‘Hm?… Oh, oh, right! Hey, 56.’

-Yuh-huh?-

‘Don’t forget to nuzzle the other side, symmetry and all that.’

-Ooooh, you’re right!-

And so he shifted sides, leaving Glimmer to glare ice-cold daggers at her love.

“So that’s how we want to play this, eh?”

Dadling smiled at her, and in such a way that suggested he were getting her back for an earlier transgression.

‘Love you too, babe.’

>...Huh. Interesting...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>77
"Applejack"
~~~~~~

>Thank you for meeting me outside.

"It's fine, what did ya' need?"

>Just needed to drop this off, it's just a formal note declaring my need for leave.

"...And ya' couldn't just hand me this inside mah' office, why?"

>Ah... the Queen has disallowed me to enter into that room until it's current... 'occupant' leaves.

"Oh, for the love of..."

>I have no opinion on the matter, I am simply doing as she requested.

"Oh, and what, she gonna lock ya'll up too fer' disobeyin'?"

>...Actually, probably not. She is fairly lax on me for any sorts of punishment. In fact, I doubt much besides attempting to kill her would result in any actual punishment.

"Oh, please."

>You doubt it?

"Ah' have mah' doubts, yes."

>Really. Because 32 openly shamed her in front of hundreds of powerful, influential ponies, and made his desire to have her overthrown very well known, and her response was....?

"...Okay, ya' got me there."

>My Queen is not a monster, Applejack. She does not deserve to be treated like such.

"And Arana does?"

>...

"...What Ah' thought. Have a good one, 77."

>Ah... you too, Princess.

Even after she shut the door, he was still standing there.

>...Damn. Thought I could win that one.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"Spike"
'77'
[42]
{PJ}
~SS~
~~~~~~

>GET SOME!

Another massive salvo was unleashed, each one of them moving in a controlled, tracking fashion.

They were just barely knocked out of the air before they reached their targets.

"Damn it!"

'I knew I should have been worried when she started her upgrades!'

[No time for that now, just...]

With a whirr and a clink, a cable latched on behind the pink filly, and a black blur snapped around in a wide, seemingly random arc.

{WHOOOOO!}

In reality, a second cable fired at just the right time snapped her back on track at the last second. With a scream of metal, she prepared to lance into the back of the filly's head.

Instead, she only had time to process a single thought.

{WHAT THE FUCK!?}

Before a rocket collided with her face.

Fired from the back of TBDRLIATU.

>HAH! EAT SHIT, BUG MONSTER!

"Wow, that's a nifty upgrade."

[Quite intelligent, now she does not have to worry so much about her lack of turning capabilities.]

{TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF FOR THE LOVE OF THE GREAT QUEENS PAST HURTSHURTSHURTS!}

Slowly, the simulation flickered off, and the simulated pain gone with it.

~Wooo! Go DT! You win!~

"She did not. She only took out PJ."

>Hey, my score is one, your score is what again?

"..."

'She has a point.'

{H-HAH! Phrasing. Ow. Still feel phantom pain. Besides, you cheated.}

>Pfft. How?

{Your friend won't stop shaking her ass in the cheerleader outfit! It's distracting!}

~I'm in grade-school!~

{...Really? Wait, how old is everyone!?}

'Myself and 42 are adults.'

"It's actually kind of confusing since I can affect my aging by being greedy and Dragons live for a very long time. Like, if we were just going off percentage of age? I'm not even a 'dragon year' old."

{Are you saying half of us are underage!?}

>Kind of?

{...Well... this makes my fantasy a lot more... illegal.}

~Wow, did not need to hear that.~

>Sooo... round two?

~You can do it, DT rah rah!~

{STOP IT I DON'T WANT TO GET ARRESTED!}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NON CANON

{Whoa! Wait a second, Spike! Do you mean to tell me Rarity and Applejack have made SEXUAL ADVANCES on you and you're still a baby?!}

"Kind of hot, isn't it?"

>{['~...~']}

"Oh, come on, how old are you even, PJ?"

{I'm roughly four hundred twenty six years old. Give or take a few decades. You lose count when you spend half your time away from civilization.}

>{['"..."']}

[Hey, I'm a survivor. And changelings can live pretty damn long with a steady love supply.}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pennydrop
"Doctor"
'Eddie'
-Fuser-
~Researcher~

Deep within the confines of Fawntaine R&D, Pennydrop and her heads of Research and Marketing enter an area labeled 'Augmentation - Bio', they pass into a corridor lined by reinforced structures with windows into their inner workings. All of them contain well furnished rooms populated by ponies, diamond dogs, gryphons, and all other manner of creature.

>Clock is ticking gentlecolts, I want to hear progress on our Projects. I want the hall of the future to boost our customer base across Equestria and I'm
doubtful bots alone are going to do the job.

'Well ma'am the Artificial Magic Aug project is apparently mostly ready for preview if not complete distribution. Tell her, Doc.'

"Indeed, our research in magical implementation in non-conventionally magic beings has grown quite well. Our most successful method of appears to be harvesting ambient magic from inherently arcane locations or from unicorn volunteers. We then manipulate the magic into an ingestible form-"

'Marketing testing seems to prefer a liquid.'

"-and give it a singular charge towards one particular spell. For instance..."

The Doctor nods to one of the enclosures, where an earth pony is levitating a toy ball in the air simply by pointing at it.

'That one's gonna be a hit in the blue collar market.'

"Indeed, you see our potion-"

'Eggheads call 'em Infusions'

"-repurposes the less apparent magic exhibited by non-unicorn ponies and select non-Equine species -such as the natural cloud walking of Pegasi- into a magical charge on par with a unicorn. However, there are...limits we've run into."

>Such as?

"The average pony cannot handle more than two spells inside them at once without major side effects. The vast altering of their biology causes serious issues, not the least of which would be the loss of their natural abilities. Then there are the more complex abilities we've tried to emulate..."

>Yes?

>Yes?

"Well our studies show that major upgrades to the output of a given spell could...mein...gott..."

The Doctor has trailed off, eyes wide as they pass another enclosure, Pennydrop and Eddie look where he's looking, and join him in surprise.

'Holy shit!'

>Well...that's a surprise.

The room is full to bursting with bees, an unending swarm wriggling and writhing and buzzing within. Suddenly a pegasus, his body appearing to be slowly converting into a mass of honeycombed tissue, a living hive as it were, presses himself against the glass. All three observers back away before his maddened glare.

-THEY STING! THEY STING! THEY WEAR ME LIKE A SUIT! I AM THEIR HOME! THEY SING TO ME AND STING WHEN I DO NOT SING BACK! THEY WILL WEAR YOU TOO! ALL OF YOU!-

Cracks begin to appear in the glass, the Doctor snaps his head to the side.

"Heinrich! Containment on cell Delta-6!"

~Yes, sir!~

Before whatever is about to happen...happens, thick slabs of metal slide down and encase the enclosure.

"Schedule that one for immediate sterilization, am I understood? Batch fifteen of 'Swarm' is a failure."

'Really? I'd say the issue there is it worked TOO well.'

>Doctor, what the hell was that?

"The result of the body rejecting the Infusion. In sixty percent of our trials it results in the subject becoming violently ill and vomiting the potion back up. In the other forty percent, the subject is completely overrun by the infusion, leading to intense mental degeneration and physical disfigurement. My staff have taken to calling these aberrations 'Fusers', after the elixir. We believe we can neutralize this by developing a counter-acting serum, but for now we're only working on low-to-medium power levels."

>I see...

'Doc, why don't you tell her about our issues with the 'Problem Children'?'

>The what?

"It's a pet name for the spells we've been having difficulties translating into an Infusion. Our chief concerns have been the teleportation and shapeshifting projects. Teleportation is a very difficult art to master even for unicorns and we cannot truly replicate it at our current level of advancement. Shapeshifting...well, I have told Mr.Burneighs my theories."

'We need some changeling samples if we're going to replicate their power, and that's a problem.'

>Because their Queen won't just let us experiment on them. I've read your dossiers on the situation.

'Then you know we only have a few candidates for get-in get-out operation.'

>And that you've already narrowed it down to one.

'Heh, guilty.'

"I will need just a few samples of the creature's blood. I can then begin operating on an artificial equivalent."

>Right, until then try formulating a 'consumer friendly' dose of the Infusions, I want customers, not psychos.

"At once."

The Doctor splits off as they exit the lab, Pennydrop looks at Mr. Burneighs.

>So, who's the black sheep?

Eddie smiles.

'The only one that rambles so incoherently that they wouldn't believe him even if I did intend for him to remember what's going to happen to him.'

>See that he doesn't.

Pennydrop makes for the elevator, the Marketing Exec smirks.

It's time to tap some contacts he'd been saving.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Changeling Whatever-the-Hell"

>Yes, what could it be this time?

"I was just hoping for some more tissues? Fanficjack hit a writers block and he's flooding the crying corner"

>Sure whatever, just make sure you don- Hey, don't I remember you?

"...No?"

>Back at the weddin'?

"Uhh"

>Weren't you the one I gave both buckin' legs to after ya copied me and tried to jump Rarity?

"...The jaw never healed, it always hurts....."

>Oh, well uh, gee, sorry I guess...?

"She told us to do it, thought it'd be a cake walk, I still hear the screams from ones with the broken ribs..."

>I think that was Rainbow gettin' desperate

"*sniff*"

>Do y' need to cryin' corner cos I can get as many hankies that y'all need

"Please... If you'd be so kind"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
“Spike”
'Poindexter'
[Celestia]
{Cadence}
-Rarity-
~Fluttershy~
~~~~~~~

>HAH! What now!?

“It's not fair.”

>It totally is! Chrysalis and 18 have places to be, thank you! You know what that means?

“...”

>Oh yeah, only one pony at this table would want to seduce me, and guess what? I am ALLLLLL for that!

'Can we please not? I do not want you guys repeating what happened last time. My dreams got weird after that.'

[Wait, what happened now?]

{U-uh... n-nothing...]

-I too would like to know.-

~What, really? I think I know, and I don't know why you would want to know that.~

{I-it's nothing! Nothing happened! I swear it!}

“They seriously went at it right on the table.”

[W-WHAT!? Noooooo!]

'It was actually a really sweet moment.'

-Oh? Do tell!-

{Please don't!}

“She had no idea what kind of 'things' Shining Armor likes when the enchantment asked for his favorite 'moves', and it was pretty embarrassing. Chrysalis and 18 lost it.”

'So he walks up to her and, no joke here, says “Because my favorite thing here, in reality, will always, ALWAYS... be you”.'

“And then blam goes the table.”

[Oh my goodness, that is so sweeeeet!]

-Positively romantic, darling!-

~Oh, you don't have to hide your face, Cadence! I thought it was nice.~

{Ugh.}

-Really now, there's no need to be embarrassed. What mare doesn't want her strapping, strong prince to come and sweep her off her hooves like that? Just so long as you don't make a fool of yourself.-

[…]
“...”
~...~

-...What?-

>Yeah, what?
{I'm lost too.}
'Likewise.'

~Um... well, at the first Gala we attended-~

-NOT ANOTHER WORD, FLUTTERSHY!-

[Let's just say you're lucky that when you guys met the first time, he was already getting married.]

-ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!-

{Really now?}

[Let's also just say that Shining Armor wasn't the first white unicorn royal she met.]

-I WILL DESTROY YOU!-

~Oh, Rarity, it's nothing to be embarrassed... about...~

'Can't even finish it, can you?'

~...I was worse.~

[She was. Though while she ended the night screaming, at least she didn't end the night covered in giant globs of sticky stuff.]

-THAT'S IT! SPIKE!-

“Uh...”

-START!-

“A-are you sure you don't want to-”

-NOW!-

“Alright! You're in the land of-”

-LAND OF WHO GIVES A FUCK! I activate my skull of MournPain!-

[...I'm sorry?]

'The skull we are currently questing to destroy.'

>The one that will bathe the world in eternal horror and death.

{The one that, when activated, kills everything in a five mile radius?}

~That one?~

-THAT ONE!-

“Uh... you succeed, I guess?”

-YES! EVERYONE DIES! DIIIIIIEESS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAH! BURN! BUUUUUURRRRNNNNN!-

>...
“...”
'…'
[…]
{…}
~...now what?~

-...........Um..............-

>...Start over?

-What a lovely idea! I have my other character sheet right here!-

[Well, I do have this mage I wanted to try.]

~I didn't like that witch anyway, did you know they perform animal sacrifices now? Fourth edition is terrible.~

{Oh honey, now we can use our married pair we made!}

>Awesome, been wanting to give this guy a go. And now it won't look so bad if we get mushy.

“I've got the other board right here.”

'...So are we just not going to-'

>”[{~No.~]}”

'Just checking. Re-rolling.'

-Good boy.-
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NonCanon

>Discord
"Tirek"
-FlutterShy-

At night in a dark alley, a dark figure approaches an unsuspecting unicorn.

"You, I shall take from you, ahhhh!"

>You were expecting someone else? Sorry to disappoint.

"Oh, Discord. Master of Chaos. I am unworthy. But how did you escape?

>Time off for good behavior. Speaking of.

Shackles appear around Tireks hands, binding him.

>Yours has been just terrible. I'm afraid I'm going to have to bring you in.

Discord takes his normal form wearing a police uniform.

"What, surely you have not allied with these, these, ponies?"

>I have. Well, mostly Fluttershy. And don't call me Shirley. I look terrible in blonde curls."

"So the great Discord, avatar of chaos, is reduced to the lackey of a bunch of tiny horses. Look at yourself. You've betrayed your nature. And for what?

>Well, friendship mostly.

"Bah, friendship. Help me restore my power, and I can give you something far greater than friendship. Absolute freedom.

>Hmmm. I dunno. I do kinda like the old ball and chain. Oh, maybe if you met her!

With a snap of Discords fingers, Fluttershy appears in a sud filled washtub.

-Well of course I'll help you mister ducky. Huh? Where, Discord, what have I said about summoning me during bath time?-

>Apologies my dear Flutterbutter, I just thought it quite two-faced of me not to offer this poor soul the same chance I was. I'm sure a little kindness will turn him right around.

-Yes, Tirek. I've heard a little about you. Now, you've done some bad things, but we can forgive you. I'm sure if you get to know us, you'll be much happier living peacefully. We'd be happy to help, won't we Discord.

>Why of course. He could join us on our picnic tomorrow.

"This can't be real. You used to strike fear into the hearts of all. Now what are you? A pussywhipped bitch. This is so disappointing.

-... whatchu say bout my man?-

"I said he's a bi-aaaahhhhhhhhh"

Discord just stands by munching popcorn as Fluttershy launches into Tirek.

"NOT THE FACE NOT THE AHG MY FACE"

"SPINES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!

"I GIVE UP I GIVE UP"

With a snap the gate to Tartarus was opened, with a kick Tirek vomited the magic he had stolen, and with another snap a giant boot punts him back into his confinement.

>Well, I suppose you can't save everyone. Also, excellent form Fluttershy.

-My bath was ruined.-

>And I feel simply dreadful. Please allow me to make it up to you.

-Please and thank you.-
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>12
"Dash"
'Luna"
~~~~

>So, I mean, I think I'm fairly qualified.

"Well, it is just a janitorial position."

>Honestly? It's at least full time. I can do worse, I guess-

*SLAM!*

'Captain of our Airforce! We wish words with you!'

"I'm in the middle of an interview-"

'It shall have to wait! Instead, I must bring to your attention that one of yours has been passing around enhancement substances to our guard!'

"Great! Do you know who it is? Been looking FOREVER."

'Curses! We thought you knew! Pity, we wished to purchase some more.'

"...Sorry?"

>Did you just say you wanted to buy drugs?

'Whatever thou 'hip' young ones call them! They are an excellent source of enhancement for the body!'

>But they have terrible side effects.

'...Meh.'

>That's kind of horrible.

'Thou art one to talk! You dream of fornicating with Rainbow Dash there!'

>...

"...Really?"

>It was just once or twice. Also, a dream.

'Once or twice mine hoof! Maybe once or twice in a particular room, but we have lost count of all the scenarios thou concocted!'

>...

"..."

'Well, if thou has no lead, we shall simply have to seek elsewhere. Good day!'

*SLAM!*

>...Soooo-

"No."

>Yep. Kind of saw that coming.

"Go take a nap if you want to see something else coming."

>Ah haaahhh.. funny. Cruel, but funny.
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NC-addon to NC
~~~~

"So, who else?"

>Ah... it's actually just you. I like blue. Like... really, really like blue. And I'm kind of brittle and can't fly all that well, so shows of power... yeah...

"...Am I-"

>Yeah, you top.

"...Flattering."

>...

"...You still don't get the job."

>SHIT!
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