*Featured Post #1*

Title: My experiences in Dating as a Nepali Keti
Written by: Aastha Pandey
*The contents of the following is just an opinion by a Frustrated Nepali girl*

Hi all,
In light of Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share my personal experience with you. If you have similar experiences, do share!

Dating
The idea of people mingling with some romantic expectation, be it exclusively with a single individual, openly with multiple partners, or casually just looking for the right one. Dating is merely “getting to know someone”.
However, there’s just one rule when it comes to dating in the Nepali culture, and that rule is:
DON’T DATE

Those Girls
Growing up in a Nepali family, dating was a subject that we weren’t even allowed to talk about for the longest time. Because in Nepali terms, dating means something completely different. Let me give you an example of what a family member said to me:
“Ta testo keta haru sanga halera hidni keti ho?”
Which translates to “Are you ONE OF THOSE GIRLS that hang around with boys?”
Keywords: TESTO KETI/THOSE GIRLS
What does those girls even mean?

Interracial/Intercast
It isn’t hard to guess, that a society that doesn’t accept the concept of dating, wouldn’t accept the concept of interracial relationships either. In most Nepali families, not only do parents, and extended family members expect you to marry another Nepali, but they also limit your dating pool to the jaat that you’re born into (i.e. Caste: the idea of dividing your community into hereditary social classes).
Considering that Nepal has a majority of Hindus (about 82% of the population is Hindu), the caste system is something that you’re constantly reminded of in everything you do, especially when choosing a life partner. Let’s not even talk about Gotras.

Dating an Arab Muslim
My experiences dating an Arab Muslim, as a Hindu Brahman is a whole journey on its own.
My parents have changed over time, they tried to teach us their ways, but never imposed them on us. Growing up, I always made all my decisions based on what I felt was right, and what my heart said. When I told them about how serious I was with my boyfriend, they started learning about him, and thankfully he was able to change their mentality on the stereotypes they believed about Arab Muslims. So to be quite honest, I appreciate the growth and didn’t have to deal with any serious issues with my immediate family.

List of things that I had to do/have to deal with on a daily basis
Although I had it easy, and my parents were accepting, there were still a few things that I had to do, and things I saw a change in people around me:
I had to hide the relationship for the first 4 years, especially from the Nepali community wherever I went, because gossip moves faster than light
Coming up with a safe word (ours was “Plum”) whenever I’d see a Nepali on the street. I’d leave his hand and walk away, in case they’d catch me with him
Islamophobic comments from extended family and friends because they’re “worried about my well being” because they think Arab Muslims are all conservative and controlling
I had to be very careful posting any photo of me with a male on social media because everyone would assume I’m dating my male friend in any photograph, which meant I never posted a photograph of him
All the differences between the Hindu and Muslim religion have been listed to me, by almost every middle-aged Nepali person I’ve met, sometimes even the history of the two religions relationship - to which I’d always respond to with an eye roll
Having to call him my best friend, or my close friend instead of my romantic partner
Some parents wouldn’t want their kids to hang out with me, because they’d assume I’m a bad influence because I’m dating outside of my religion and culture
Being asked whether I’m going to convert to Islam, multiple times (whether I do or not, why is this a conversation starter?)
Having extended family avoid me and my parents at family events
Having extended family question and pity my parents on my decisions
Having to sneak around when going out to hide from the community; e.g. parking my car far away in case someone saw it
Not being able to speak to parents or other family members about any heartbreaks because they can’t even know that I’m dating
Saving his name under a different name (mostly a girl name) so no one would know who I’m actually texting/talking to
The list goes on and on and on.

What I’ve learned about my community:
I’ve learned that many people in our community can be very racist, judgmental, and very nosy, even the very well experienced and educated people. In the name of support, they provide you with criticism and unsolicited advice. They not only treat you differently but your parents and family too. They make certain assumptions about your character and your upbringing.

What I’ve gained from my relationship:
I was fully aware of all our differences, and I always looked at them as something that made our relationship stronger. I learned a new language because of our relationship, I learned about new foods, new cultures, new music. I’ve gained so many new experiences that I wouldn’t have if I chose not to date him. This relationship is the best thing that’s happened to me!

For me, love has no bounds; not race, not a religion, not nationality.

Images from: Google Images & Personal Photograph from Aastha