RPC 1337-H: Anonymous Filly

RPC 1337
Anonymous Filly
Object Class: Beta-Yellow (Utility)
Hazard Types: Sapient Hazard, Organic Hazard

Containment Protocols: Instances of RPC 1337, hereafter to be referred to as "fillies," are to be contained in a 5 meter by 4 meter space resembling a child's bedroom and containing four twin-sized beds, configured as two pairs of bunk beds with each top bed being accessible by a small staircase. Each bed may be shared by two fillies, so that each containment space may hold up to eight fillies. Containment of instances of RPC 1337 is authorized at Sites 002, 007, 008, and 031, to be distributed according to the operational needs of each site. Instances of RPC 1337 are no longer authorized for designation as CSD personnel. However, fillies are to be employed at their respective sites in whatever tasks they are capable of performing.

Instances of RPC-1337 may appear anywhere at any time, though usually they're discovered in English-speaking countries between the hours of 2300 and 0400. RPC 1337 is to be monitored for by the same routine protocol as other anomalies. When discovered, instances of RPC-1337 should be recovered by the nearest MST unit at its soonest convenience and delivered to the appropriate site via standard Authority transport personnel. Persons who have encountered instances of RPC-1337 prior to containment should be administered basic class A-1 amnestics.

Under no circumstances are instances of RPC 1337 permitted outside of Authority property or to be viewed by non-Authority personnel.

Description: Instances of RPC 1337 appear to be juvenile female horses, often known as fillies, with black manes and black question marks branded on their flanks. All instances possess the ability to speak in fluent English, the memories of an adult human male, and anomalously dextrous hooves. Instances of RPC 1337 claim to have formerly been adult human males with no knowledge of how they became fillies. Each filly is capable of describing her previous life as a human being in great detail. However, when questioned on their names, instances of RPC 1337 invariably reply with "Anonymous," or variations thereof such as "Anon" or "Nonny." Thus, identification of the fillies with actual missing persons has so far proved impossible, and it is unknown if they genuinely were formerly human, or if the memories they appear to have are themselves anomalous.

Discovery of RPC 1337 is too recent as of now to determine whether or not the fillies will mature into mares.

Researchers have thus far identified four different variations of RPC 1337.

RPC 1337-1: Green Filly: Of the Authority's present filly population of four hundred twenty-one, two hundred ninety-eight of them possess bright green coats of fur. Instances of RPC 1337-1, hereafter to be referred to as "green fillies," display varying levels of aggression, crudeness, and profanity. Authority personnel working with instances of RPC 1337-1 are authorized to carry spray bottles filled with water for the purpose of discouraging the fillies' tendency to inappropriate language.

RPC 1337-2: Orange Filly: The Authority currently contains one hundred three instances of RPC 1337-2, hereafter to be referred to as "orange fillies," easily distinguishable from green fillies by their orange coats. Instances of RPC 1337-2 possess similar tendencies toward aggression and profanity to those displayed by instances of RPC 1337-1, though mostly directed against Authority personnel of Jewish or non-Caucasian heritage. All orange fillies so far contained have appeared to believe in various ideologies which may roughly be classified as White nationalism, and should, with the exception of during testing, be assigned to the supervision of Caucasian Authority personnel only.

RPC 1337-3: Red Filly: The Authority currently contains nineteen instances of RPC 1337-3, hereafter to be referred to as "red fillies" and identifiable by their bright red coats. Red fillies possess the same personalty traits as green and orange fillies, however, their aggression is greatly tempered by what can only be described as a crippling depression. All red fillies are to be kept on suicide watch, and should be made to see Authority psychiatric personnel on a regular basis, though it is important that the psychiatrists assigned to red fillies should not be of Jewish heritage. No more than two red fillies are to be contained in a single room together. Furthermore, it should be noted that red fillies are extremely hostile toward green fillies, and that their bunkmates should therefore be orange.

RPC 1337-4: Blue Filly: The Authority presently contains, and has only ever encountered, one instance of RPC 1337-4, hereafter to be referred to as a "blue filly." RPC 1337-4 is distinguishable from other fillies by her bright blue coat, and possesses similar personality traits to instances of RPC 1337-1. RPC 1337-4 reacts with extreme aggression to being called "blue," and Authority personnel should not refer to her as a blue filly in her presence. RPC 1337-4 insists that she is teal. This is not true, and RPC 1337-4's belief to the contrary should be regarded as an anomalous property. Authority personnel are reminded that teal is a shade of green, and that if RPC 1337-4 was truly teal, she would be regarded as an instance of RPC 1337-1.

Interviews:

>Interview Log 1337-001:
<Interviewer: Dr. Andrew O'Nimitz, chief researcher for RPC 1337
>Interviewed: RPC 1337-1-024
<Dr. O'Nimitz: Good morning, Nonny. Are you ready to talk?
>RPC 1337-1-024: Don't call me Nonny, faggot, I'm not fucking cute.
<Dr: Why, I didn't say you were.
>RPC: Yeah, well, I'm not. Just call me Anon.
<Dr: My apologies, Anon. 23 asked me to call her Nonny.
>RPC: That's because 23 is a fucking faggot.
<Dr: Yes, well. How about we start the interview by asking you how old you are?
>RPC: I'm a grown-ass man, damnit! I won't be talked to like-
<Dr: I know, I know, I know. Don't worry, Anon, I believe you. I just want your age for my records.
>RPC: I guess I became a wizard last week.
<Dr: What?
>RPC: Thirty. I'm thirty years old.
<Dr: I see. And where were you born?
>RPC: Middle of nowhere, Illinois.
<Dr: Ah, our first Illinois filly. I'm from the prairie state myself. I'm from Stockton, do you know it?
>RPC: Never heard of it. I'm from Galena.
<Dr: Oh, Galena's a good ways south, isn't it? You probably wouldn't know Stockton.
>RPC: Right.
<Dr: So, do you remember anything about your childhood?
>RPC: Alkie father, whore mother, raised by the internet, don't wanna talk about it.
Dr: Okay, that's fine. We won't. Just one more question, Anon, and we'll let you get back to settling in. Do you happen to remember ever having any name other than Anonymous?
>RPC: No. Why would I?
<Dr: Well, Anonymous isn't a very common name, you know.
>RPC: Isn't it? All my roommates are named Anonymous.
<Dr: True, but we suspect that whatever turned you into fillies may also have tampered with your memory to make you forget your name. If you happen to remember anything, it could help us identify who you were, and maybe even help us change you back.
>RPC: Well, I don't remember anything else.
<Dr: Not even a last name? Everyone's got a last name, Anon.
>RPC: Last name? Uh, maybe it was, uh, Shitposter?
<Dr: Shitposter? Your name is Anonymous Shitposter?
>RPC: I dunno, maybe it's German or something. Look, I gotta take a shit. You mind if I duck out of here?
End of interview.

>Interview Log 1337-036:
<Interviewer: Dr. Andrew O'Nimitz, chief researcher for RPC 1337
>Interviewed: RPC 1337-2-001
<Dr. O'Nimitz: Good evening, Anonymous. May I call you Anon?
>RPC 1337-2-001: You may, Doctor. And good evening to you, too.
<Dr: I must confess, Anon, you're somewhat more polite than I expected.
>RPC: Why shouldn't I be polite?
Dr: Well, most of the fillies we've found haven't been. Also, I heard you were somewhat rude to the MST personnel who brought you in.
>RPC: Who?
<Dr: You know. The soldiers who brought you here.
>RPC: Oh, those guys. No, I wouldn't say I was rude to them.
<Dr: Really?
>RPC: I mean, I guess you could say I was kind of rude to the nigger, but let's face it: you can't really be rude to niggers.
<Dr: Whoah. You just dropped the N-word on him?
>RPC: It's "nigger," Doctor. It's just a word; you shouldn't be afraid of it.
<Dr: Ah. Right.
>RPC: You seem uncomfortable, Doctor.
<Dr: I suppose I'm just surprised to see something so small be so full of hate.
>RPC: Oh, who said anything about hate? Think about it from my point of view. One night you wake up to find that, not only are your thumbs and dick gone, but you're also being whisked away with no explanation by some big buck nigger. You'd get a little rude too, wouldn't you?
<Dr: Well, I, uh, suppose I might. That's all I need, Anon. You're free to go pick out your bunk now.
End of interview.

>Interview Log 1337-049:
<Interviewer: Dr. Eliza Smerdy, psychiatrist for RPCs 1337-3-001 through 005
>Interviewed: RPC 1337-3-004
<Dr. Smerdy: Hi, Anon. How are you feeling?
>RPC 1337-3-004: Like shit.
<Dr: Oh no. What happened?
>RPC: Nothing. Nothing ever happens.
<Dr: Surely something happened. You've been helping Dr. [REDACTED] research that one anomaly, haven't you?
>RPC: Yeah, yeah, the big [REDACTED]. That's interesting, I guess.
<Dr: You guess?
>RPC: Don't get me wrong. It's interesting and all, but it just doesn't feel like I'm doing anything, you know?
<Dr: Why's that?
>RPC: "Nonny, go get my pencil. Nonny, go fix me some coffee. Nonny, my ass itches."
<Dr: Did he really ask you to scratch his, um, rear?
>RPC: No, no. But you see what I'm getting at, right?
Dr: He's not taking you seriously.
>RPC: Exactly! I'm not, like, a fucking expert or anything, but I did major in chemistry. I ought to be doing at least a few things related to the actual work, right?
<Dr: Well, Dr. [REDACTED] is known to take a while to get used to people. I'm sure you'll get your chance soon.
>RPC: As long as I'm two feet tall and don't have thumbs, I doubt it.
Interview truncated here. Further reading may be obtained by Authority personnel with medical clearance.

>Interview Log 1337-072:
<Interviewer: Dr. Andrew O'Nimitz, chief researcher for RPC 1337
>Interviewed: RPC 1337-4
<Dr. O'Nimitz: Ah, you must be the Anon who came in just last night.
>RPC 1337-4: Uh-huh. Look, when am I getting out of here?
<Dr: Well, that depends.
>RPC: On what?
<Dr: On whether or not we can ever find a way to change you back.
>RPC: Any progress on that?
<Dr: Not much, I'm afraid.
>RPC: Great.
<Dr: If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you some questions. Perhaps your answers will help us to find a way to give you back your old life.
>RPC: Shoot.
<Dr: I'm interested in your coloration. Thus far, different colored fillies have had different personalities. Do you happen to have any idea why you're blue?
>RPC: Blue?
<Dr: Yes. You're the first blue filly we've found.
>RPC: I'm…
<Dr: You're…?
>RPC: I'm…
<Dr: You're what, Anon?
>RPC: I'm fucking teal!
At this point, RPC 1337-4 began to scream and thrash about violently. RPC 1337-4 was sedated, thus ending the interview.

Testing Logs:
Prior to April 20, 20[REDACTED], instances of RPC 1337 were authorized for designation as CSD personnel. Below are three of the tests which were conducted using fillies as test subjects.

>Test Log 745-004:
Twelve instances of RPC 1337-1 were selected as CSD personnel for the purpose of testing RPC 745 http://www.rpc-wiki.net/rpc-745 . The fillies were transported to OL-Site-745 in the Falkland Islands off the coast of Argentina. RPC 745 was issued an Argentine military FAL with a single round of ammunition and permitted to interact with the fillies. Initially RPC 745 regarded the fillies as animals, but upon learning that they could speak had a brief conversation with them. Upon learning that RPC 745 considers itself an Argentine officer fighting in the Falkland wars, the fillies began to mock it, declaring that "Argentina is not White." RPC 745 appeared to grow upset and confused, and began asking the fillies if any of them were British. The fillies quickly outed RPC 1337-1-023 as a "britcuck," calling her "Nigel." RPC 1337-1-023 attempted to deny the claim, but upon hearing her English accent, RPC 745 fired its rifle into the head of RPC 1337-1-023, killing her instantly. RPC 745 refused to interact with the fillies any further and departed silently to its quarters.

>Test Log 319-026:
Forty instances of RPC 1337-3 were selected as CSD personnel for the purpose of testing RPC 319 http://www.rpc-wiki.net/rpc-319 . The fillies were transported to [REDACTED], Germany on December 14, 20[REDACTED]. The fillies were treated to a large banquet every evening until the 23rd, when RPC 319 manifested among them. The instances of RPC 1337-3 reacted to the appearance of RPC 319 similarly to human children, referring to it as "grandma," and holding conversations with it despite its apparent inability to speak. When the fillies sat down to dinner the next night, RPC 319 manifested among them again. The red fillies' normally gloomy demeanor vanished as they joyously ate the anomalous gingerbread RPC 319 produced for them, and they frequently declared that RPC 319 was "fucking based." At the stroke of midnight, RPC 319 consumed all instances of RPC 1337-3 present at the test, reducing the Authority's population of red fillies to its present number of nineteen.

>Test Log 204-7:
Procedure: All instances of RPC 1337 were designated as CSD personnel for the purpose of testing RPC 204 http://www.rpc-wiki.net/rpc-204 . A fake settlement called "Fillyville" was built along the boundary-waters region of the US-Canadian border and populated with fillies. One half of the settlement was situated on the US side of the border, and the other half on the Canadian side. A number of survival items and firearms were stored in a bunker on the US side of the settlement; while the town hall, with RPC 1337-4 as mayor, was located in the Canadian side.
Results: RPC 204 was released into Fillyville, with results the same as in human-populated settlements. The inhabitants heard emergency broadcast signals, hallucinated a nuclear explosion, fell unconscious, and awoke believing themselves to be in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. The fillies on the US side of the town quickly raided the bunker and formed a loosely-knit gang called "Stalkers." The uniform of the Stalkers seemed to have been inspired by RPC 204 itself, consisting of gas masks and hazmat suits. The Stalkers attempted to take the firearms as well, but found that they could not operate them with their hooves. By the time the fillies on the Canadian side of town reached the bunker, there were no gas masks left, and the remaining fillies were barred from joining the Stalkers. The Stalkers proceeded to scream phrases in Russian and chased the remaining fillies into the town hall, where they remained holed up for the night. Over the course of the night, RPC 1337-4 succeeded in uniting the remaining fillies against the Stalkers under a rigid theocracy called "The Children of Uni-Teal." The Children proceeded to destroy all Authority monitoring devices in the town hall. Over the next three nights, eighteen Stalkers disappeared from the town proper. The Stalkers quickly decided that the Children were responsible and laid a full-scale siege against the town hall. The Children responded by charging into the town proper and engaging in a brawl with the Stalkers.
The End: On April 20, 20[REDACTED], Dr. Andrew O'Nimitz's motion to prohibit the designation of instances of RPC 1337 as CSD personnel was passed. Sedatives, along with Class A-3 amnestics, were aerially distributed over Fillyville, effectively ending the battle of town hall. Though many fillies were bruised and scraped, there were no fatalities or serious casualties in the battle. The eighteen missing fillies were found in the basement of the town hall, beaten and hungry, but alive. These fillies were also issued Class A-3 amnestics, and were hospitalized until they could resume their normal tasks for the Authority.

After recovering the instances of RPC 1337 from Fillyville and restoring them to their normal sites, Dr. O'Nimitz sent out the following communique to all Authority sites:
"Instances of RPC 1337 are no longer available as CSDs. Stop abusing the damn fillies, you sick bastards."

It should be noted that Test 204-7 was the only time when RPC 1337-4 was referred to as "teal" by anyone other than herself.