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- “Where’s the damn salt? I just… ah, got it.” You lightly seasoned the cooking vegetables.
- >Slowly and carefully, you flipped the veggies on the skillet. The veggies sizzled and a delicious aroma filled your kitchen.
- >Sure some chicken would have gone great with this, but for now the substitute stuff you ordered would suffice.
- >God knows you would have done some unthinkable things for some real meat, but unfortunately with the trade embargo on meat products from the griffon lands, you were screwed.
- >Grabbing one plate from the cabinet, you methodically emptied the contents of the skillet onto it, topping your finished meal with some Parmesan cheese.
- >Cause you were a classy bastard after all.
- >Turning off your stove, you picked up your plate and headed towards the dining room.
- >This was the life.
- >A nice home, one that you built with your own two hands, because fuck a free handout.
- >Furniture that you built yourself as well, since those being sold in shops in town were highway robbery.
- >And as for your
- ::Knock, knock::
- >Stopping your train of thought you waited.
- >Who the fuck would be here now? It was starting to get dark outside, and the ponies were terrified of the dark.
- >”Anon you home?”
- >”Of course he is, his lights are on.”
- >”Maybe he forgot to switch them off?”
- >Why now? You just wanted to tuck into your food and be lazy for the rest of the day.
- >Looking longingly at the still steaming hot plate full of deliciousness you made your way towards the front door.
- >Taking a deep breath you gripped the handle and opened the door, ready at whatever evil stood on the other side.
- >”Hey Anon, how’s my favorite human doing?”
- >Standing on your porch was a very happy looking Rainbow Dash, and flanking her on both sides were two Pegasi that you’ve never seen before.
- “I’m the only human you know Rainbow.”
- >Minor detail.”
- >Your grip on the door handle intensified as the prismatic mare strode past you, completely oblivious to the “please go the fuck away” look you were sending in her direction.
- >The two mystery mares followed suit, completely ignoring you as they strode through the threshold of your home.
- >Your blood pressure was quickly reaching a level which might result in an Pegasi shaped holes in the walls of your home.
- >”Wow this looks good.”
- >You raced to the dining room where the scene nearly made you throw something at the mare who nonchalantly walked into your home.
- >Rainbow Dash was sitting in your chair.
- >YOUR FUCKING CHAIR!
- >But what really was the icing on the shit cake was she had her muzzle uncomfortably close to your plate of food.
- >No! Bad horse, that’s your damn food.
- >Her friends were floating beside her, both looking at your food and sniffing the morsels which filled it.
- “Rainbow, I’ll make you a deal. You have to the count of three to tell me what the hell is going on, or I’m going to pluck all three of you and make myself a down pillow.”
- >”Calm down colt, you shouldn’t talk to your alpha like that.” The light blue mare gave you a puzzled look.
- “All of you, get the fuck out of my house!”
- >”Rainbow what’s wrong with your stallion?”
- >What the fuck is this mare on about?
- “Seriously get the fuck out.”
- >”Anon, honey, can I talk to you in private for a second.”
- >Rainbow gave you a pleading look, her eyes fixed on your own.
- “Fine, you two” You pointed at the two other Pegasi “Don’t touch my damn food.”
- >”Oh c’mon, you could always make more, besides it’s been a while since I stallion cooked meal.”
- >”Yeah the mess-hall food never smelled this good.”
- “You touch my food and you’ll find yourself acquainted with my boot.”
- >With your warning given, you followed Rainbow Dash towards the kitchen, eager to hear the reason for this whole debacle.
- >”I’m so sorry for this Anon. They overheard me earlier and wanted to if”
- “Hold on, start at the beginning, like who the hell those two are.”
- >Rainbow still looking a bit sheepish, cast a troubled look towards the dining room.
- >”Fleetfoot and Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts. They overheard me telling the rest of the team about how awesome it was to have a coltfriend.”
- “Oh for fucks sake. Why the hell did you come here then? Why not Caramel or Thunderlane? Those two would have been a lot more believable.”
- >Nervously she rubbed her left hoof on the ground, ears flattening against the back of her head.
- >”They’re not exactly colts that would go along with something like this.”
- >In an instant, Rainbows whole demeanor changed.
- >”Please just pretend to be my coltfriend, and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
- “I don’t want you to make anything up to me, all I want is a little peace and quiet.”
- >”Please Anon, if they find out I was just talking big, I’ll be the laughing stock of the team.”
- “I fail to see how that’s my problem in any way.”
- >”It’s just for tonight.”
- >The usually brash mare gave you a truly pitiful look, as if everything was riding on what you were going to say next.
- “Anything I want?”
- >”Anything.”
- >A smile grew on your face, one that made Rainbow gulp audibly and begin to rethink her previous statement.
- “Fine, tonight only, and when it’s all said and done, I get my ‘no questions asked’ anything.”
- >For all the bravado that the wonderbolt had, she nervously nodded her head, the gravity of those words sinking in finally.
- “Well then dear, we shouldn’t let our guests wait any longer.”
- >Motioning to Rainbow, you both returned to the dining room.
- >It took every ounce of your willpower to not throttle the two guests when you saw your now empty plate.
- “I was going to ask if I could fix you both something, but from the looks of it you beat me to the punch.”
- >”Some dessert would be nice.”
- >”Captain what about your diet?” Fleetfoot asked, eyeing the yellow mare questioningly.
- >”And pass up a home-made dessert, not on your life.”
- >Must suppress urge to kill pony.
- >”Rainbow come here, let your colt do his thing in the kitchen while we chat.”
- >Did this cunt just tell you to get in the kitchen?
- >Oh Rainbow Dash, you have no idea just how big your request was going to be.
- >Never mind, from the look on her face, she knew all too well.
- >Suddenly you had a great idea, one that would help the captain out with her diet problems and make you feel better too.
- >First stop medicine cabinet.
- >Funny thing about laxatives, if mixed correctly with food, they’re almost impossible to taste.
- >The surprise only comes after they get into your system.
- “Excuse me then while I get your dessert ready.”
- >After fetching your secret ingredient, you ran into a big issue.
- >You weren’t exactly the dessert type, preferring some fruit, if anything at all, after a hearty meal.
- >Digging through the fridge you did find some old ice cream in the freezer.
- >Perfect, this will do nicely for your evil plans.
- >Grabbing a mixing bowl you set off on preparing your culinary creation.
- >Some chocolate chips, ice cream, and peanut butter.
- >You almost felt sorry for what was going to happen to these two after tonight.
- >But they didn’t have any regard for you, so paybacks a bitch and so is Applejacks dog.
- >After mixing the ingredients together you scooped them into two small bowls before heading into the dining room.
- “Here you go, two very special bowls of ice cream.”
- >”It took you that long to scoop up some ice cream? Rainbow I thought you said he was a pro in the kitchen?”
- >Spitfire turned to Rainbow, who looked pretty taken aback by the statement.
- “It’s mixed ice cream, try it.”
- >Yes eat up little horse.
- >”What about Rainbows?”
- “She asked me to keep her in check when it comes to sweets so she can stay in top shape.”
- >The two shrugged and began digging into the icy treat.
- >After the first spoonful, the two eagerly devoured the rest of their respective bowls.
- >”Okay I stand corrected, this colt is good. You sure know how to pick ‘em newbie.”
- >Picking up the empty bowls you headed back into the kitchen, the trap you had set , had already sprung.
- >Now it was a waiting game.
- >While rinsing the two bowls you did hear a set of goodbye’s and your front door opening.
- >Not even going to say goodbye to the host, fucking cunts deserve everything that was coming their way.
- >A soft clicking of hooves on wood alerted you to another presence in the kitchen
- >”Anon?”
- “Hmmm.”
- >”Thank you, I owe you big time.”
- “Oh you have no idea. So here’s what’s going to happen, you’re going to fly home and grab your wonderbolts uniform.”
- >Turning off the faucet you picked up a towel and dried your hands.
- “You’re then going to come back here and change into it.”
- >Those suits did things for you, not that you’d ever tell her that.
- >You would rather show her instead.
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