Thread 6: Stories 46-60

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>Chrysalis
"18"
'42'
-Cadence-
~~~~~~

>I don't know, I'm pretty sure her plot is smaller than that.

"Damn it woman, it won't go any smaller! It's going to create a singularity at this point and kill us all!"

>The hair's looking nice, besides that.

"Yeah, I'd say it's pretty close. Maybe a little bouncier?"

>Coat's perfect, though, keep that like it is.

-What are you doing?-

"We're trying to get your look down perfect."

-And you're using 42 to do this?-

>Well, we obviously can't do it ourselves! We need to BOTH be able to look over and tweak any flaws.

"Yeah, mirrors just don't cut it when we're doing a full 360 degree scan."

-She looks unhappy.-

'I am. I am very unhappy. But my Queen has ordered me to do this, so I will bear it."

>Maybe a little taller?

-Why bother, you're not going to fool Shiny. Especially not her.-

'I don't want to fool him! I don't even like being anyone other than me!'

-I know 42, I'm not mad at you.-

>Pfft, way to play favorites.

-She is!-

"...Wait, what?"

-Well, I mean, after 2, obviously. 2's kind of special. But other than that? Yeah, she's my favorite.-

"B-b-but I do all your paperwork!"

-And try to sleep with my husband.-

>I've saved you thousands!

-And try to sleep with my husband.-

>She hits him!

-I actually appreciate that, he was getting pretty flabby.-

'I... t-thanks.'

-Anytime! Whenever these two are done with you, come see me! We'll do your hair.-

*She skips off.*

'...My Queen? Are you alright?'

>Most loyal Changeling, she's your most loyal Changeling, don't over-react, doooon't over-react...

'My Queen?'

>I'M FINE!

'Are you sure?'

>YES. RETURN TO CANTERLOT.

'We're done?'

>WE'RE DONE. THANK YOU. GO.

'Of course, milady!'

*After she leaves.*

"Wow. You held back your jealousy and hate and treated her nicely. Gold star."

>...You know, I think we need to train you in oooone more way, just to make you extra Cadence-like.

"What's tha-HEY! PUT ME DOWN!"

>Wwwwwwife toss!
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>Applejack 10
"Applejack"
~~~~~

>Thanks for seeing me for an interview!

"Yeah, well, Celly said Ah'm only allowed ta' do it so long as Ah' don't make her look bad."

>I'll keep the questions neutral! So, why did Celestia make you a princess?

"Er, Destiny? Not cause she needed someone ta' do actual princess stuff. No siree."

>...okay! Uh, what have you been doing, mostly?

"Fixin' Equestria."

>You mean helping Princess Celestia fix it?

"Sure, we can go with that."

>She's...helpful, right?

"Do me a favor an' move on."

>...What's princess Luna like, as far as running the kingdom goes?

"Skip."

>What about the rumors that Princess Cadence has a body double?

"Ah' plead the fifth."

>Is there any truth to the rumors that Princess Twilight once unleashed a zombie plague that almost killed us all?

"Nah, it never made it out of the.... Ah' mean, no comment."

>How's the Changeling Integration project going?

"Do ya' wanna see a grown mare cry? Ah'll do it."

>Is the Changeling you sent to ponyville adjusting well to school?

"If ya' can count mass havoc and destruction as adjustin', he's blendin' in like a chameleon."

>What's ponyville school like to him?

"Same as it is ta' everyone, horrifyin'."

>...I'm not getting a lot of answers here.

"Ya' know what? Let's wrap this up. Ah've decided that's for the best."

>... Am I supposed to be a little scared?

"Jus' means yer' alive, 10. Jus' means yer alive."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*

"What in tarnation?"

>Looking outside to new wing of the castle Applejack find what looks like a wrecking ball that had srpund free from its chain!

"Spike! Ma' rope!"

"Here!"

>With rope in hoof Princess Applejack jumps down from the upper balcony of the fifth floor to land with a ear shattering crack on the ground.

>Galloping as fast as she is able the Princess soon enters the courtyard.
>Before her very eyes Applejack watches in time to see a stall selling quilts get mauled by the runaway ball of brown!
>Reading her rope as it starts to pass her by Applejack tosses it with skill brought on by her years at the farm.
>With a slip and a tug the rope falls into place and Applejack grins to herself.

'Ah still got i- WHOA NELLY!'

>Gritting her teeth on the corded rope, Applejack grinds her hooves upon the pavement making small dents as the weight stretches the rope taunt!
>As the mare works to hold the giant wrecking ball in place she spies atop of it a small pink dot.

'Naw, it couldn't be...'

"Hi Applejack!"

"Pinkie Pie?! What in the wide world of Equstria are ya doin' atop of that wrecking ball!?"

"Wrecking ball? You silly pony this isn't a wrecking ball. It's-

"HELP! ME!"

"Rarity?!"

"Get her off me!!"

>Giggling the pink pony slides down what Applejack had thought a runaway wrecking ball was instead Rarity!

"Rarity said she wanted to try some exercising again and I offered to help!"

"NEVER AGAIN YOU HEAR ME!? NEVER! AGAIN!"

>Applejack just looks at the panting, mudstained formerly white alicorn where her ragged mane can be seen and merely shakes her head.

"Rarity, ya gotta do proper exercise. Not rolling around like a pig in the mud."

"THAT WAS ALL HER FAULT!"

>A mini-tsunami of mud flies through the air to cover both Pinkie Pie and Applejack.

"Ooooh~ Are we having a mud fight!? I wanna play!"

"No Pinkie, NOT THE PARTY CANNON!"

"...Ah'll leave ya to it Pinkie..."

*BLAM*

"Okie dokie lookie!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"AJ2"
'Chrysalis'
-AJ18-
[Cadence]
{42}
~~~~~

>Alright, trying this again.

'Why am I here?'

>Because not only did you learn nothing last time, I'm fairly sure you forgot how to eat briefly.

'Hey! Sporks are hard to use.'

"Ya' ain't sposed to use a spork, ya' need to use the other one."

-Why am I here?-

>Because you wanted to learn to be more like Cadence, and I need backup.

{Why am I here?}

>I just said I need backup, and you may need to restrain your queen if she tries to eat the plates again.

'ONE TIME!'

>Also, you never get to spend dinner with us, this is nice. I like this.

{T-thanks...}

[Why am I here?]

>Because it's dinner time, honey. This is where we eat dinner.

[Oh, right.]

>Alright! Now, first things first, 2, get those candles out of your mouth.

"Shrrr"

>...I can see you're not spitting it out, sweetie.

"Yef ah di'!"

>...

"*Ptoo!* Fine!"

>Good, now, Chrysalis, put those down.

'But they're just like little disks! I bet I can get ten points!'

-Is this food love based? I'm on a diet.-

>I told the chef to add some.

{Am I... do I use the knife first or the spoon?}

>There is no food yet, you don't use anything until it arrives.

'Where's the wine?'

>Barricaded under ten solid feet of concrete.

'TYRANT!'

[Will there be cakes?]

>Dessert, honey.

[Pink cakes?]

>I'm pretty sure that's the only frosting still in the pantry at this point.

"Can we skip to tha' cakes now?"

'Seconded!'

-Thirded!-

{...I actually kind of want to-}

'A-HEM!'

{I mean, uh, fourthed?]

>Over-ruled. Princely powers activated.

'CURSES!'

[Wait, so does that mean I can-]

>I will cut your fabric budget. Dead serious.

[...Never mind.]

>Okay, finally! We're starting with a light soup, so we all need to-18 NO! You don't drink out of the serving bowl!

-2 does it!-

>She's not supposed to- TWO NO!

"She said I do it!"

'Well if everyone else is-'

>CHRYSALIS NO!

[That does look like fun!]

>CADENCE NO!

{I actually don't want to drink out of it like that, that looks unhealthy.}

>42 N- I mean, yes! That! Do what she's doing!

'Too late!'

>At least use a spoon!

"This one?"

>That's a ladle.

"Oh. What's it say?"

>Ladle, Two, not label. A ladle is a large spoon used for serv- OH COME ON!

{They made it look like fun.}

[Can we have some cake now?]

>We haven't even finished the appetizer!

'What, you mean you guys eat your food in increments?'

>...

'Found my dictionary.'

>Yes. It's called a three course meal for a reason.

"Cause it's gotta go around the tracks three times?"

>Food has nothing to do with racing.

"Food race?"

-What, we're racing now?-

'GETTING A HEAD START!'

"No faaair!"

{DRAT! I'm already behind!}

[Hey! Beauty before age!]

-Which is why I should go first!-

>THIS IS NOT A RACE!

'Not anymore! I totally just won!'

{Congratulations, my Queen!}

>Fine, you know what? Whatever! Let's just move on to the main course.

[Aaaactuallly....]

'Yeah, I'm kind of full now. *URP!*'

"Oooooo... my tummy hurts."

-No kidding, ugh! I feel so stuffed after that!-

{I may have over-estimated my abilities.}

>.....*twitch*

'Who's up for a little romance movie digestion hour?'

[Oh! Me me me!]

-Oh, I saw the preview for that one! I think they get together-

"DON' SPOIL IT!"

{I'll... just, uh, guard you, Majesty. Yeah, that works.}

*They all exit, leaving an annoyed Shining Armor behind.*

>At least they didn't break anything this ti-

*CRASH!*

'Whoops! Curse my massive backside!'

[O-oh year]

*Soft thump.*

[Totally can't control it!]

>...*TWITCHTWITCHTWITCH*
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
_______

>Y’all don’t even care, do ya?

“I’m going to need more than that, dear. Care abooouuut…?”

>Oh, Ah dunno, maybe the sudden upheaval of brain activity Chrysalis goes through when she takes a swig of coffee?

Celestia magically twirled a forkful of cake through the air, making airplane noises as she ‘landed’ it in her mouth.

“Mmmmm~ And no, dear, that doesn’t trouble me. At all.”

>An’ why not?

“Because Chrysalis is surprisingly pretty smart.”

>Vague. Mind expoundin’ on that?

“As I mentioned before, I only allowed her to one-shot me during her last attack because I wanted a vacation of sorts. If I were serious, do you seriously think a centuries old mare who can harness the suns power could not squish a creature like that? Hell, even Cadance, dense as she is, could easily defeat her. And Chrysalis knows this, which is why even in her smartest moments she does nothing. Because she knows what will happen.”

>Okay. That’s a pretty good side o’ things, sure. An’ Ah don’t consider mahself a mastermind of evil deeds and whatnot… but let’s jus’ say she teamed up with Luna, waited until the sun went down, stole all the gathered love within her subjects while Luna handled Cadance and AJ42 handled Shinin’, and then came fer' y'all. What then?

Another eager helping of cake pushed itself into Celestia’s mouth and her tail flickered joyously.

“Nnnnm~ At that point, I’d enlist Spike.”

>Spike? Fer’ what?

“All the darkness and love empowerment in the world cannot stop a bullet, my dear.”

>Huh. True that.

"Mmmmwah~ This cake... won't you partake? This caramel drizzle is absolutely mouth-watering."

>...lemme go get a fork real quick.
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>AJ 12
"77"

>Ok! The innkeep actually let us rent a room, that isn't boobytrapped, we are off to a good start.

"Aside from the rocket propelled changeling nearly breaking all my bones I'd agree. Though her heart was in the right place...mine probably isn't right now but her's was."

>Yeeeeep...

"...why are you trying to wrench on the floorboards?"

>Checking for pesticide bombs under the floor...

"I thought I was the paranoid one."

>I am not paranoid, just overly cautious.

"Right, shall I spin more of my tale of woe while you look a horse's gift in the mouth?"

>...I don't think that's how that saying goes but go ahead.

"We had just escaped the, air quotes, Spiders and were going ever farther down into the depths of the mountain. We'd pried out the barb our largest pursuer had shot in 68's leg, but he was still hurt and obviously limping from the injury. 50 and 88's tension was beginning to boil over, now with her supporters outnumbering his -if you didn't count 68- 88 was making inroads towards taking command of our little group."

>I'm guessing 50 didn't appreciate that?

"Angrily so. He had one thing going for him, 88 didn't want it to take over violently, and 50 would definitely make it a fight. So there we stood at a deadlock as we limped ever forward. And then 68 exploded."

"We should have figured the barb was designed to do something, one minute he was fine, the next minute we started hearing this...popping noises and he stopped in his tracks. He looks at me and says 'I don't feel well' then...he just collapsed in on himself like an empty suit of armor."

>What in the hell caused that?

"The spiders...that damn barb must have been some kind of reproductive adaptation. A few moments after 68 collapsed hundreds of the little bastards came skittering out. 32 said later that his may have been more difficult than the Morlocks they usually dined on, hence why 68 was able to hold on as long as he did."

77 looks down.

>And the spiders?

77 looks up, eyes filled with a righteous anger.

"We stomped them all into a paste and zapped the paate until the tunnel floor was scorched. We were through letting our comrades die unavenged."

>Damn...

"We set up what remained of 68 to the side of the cavern, we couldn't bury him, but we could at least give him some reverence before we moved on."

>Yeah...

"It's getting late, are you finished checking for traps?"

>Yeah, this place is safe...or the traps are well hidden.

"Goodnight then."

>Night buddy.
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>Spike
"AJ42"
'77'
-DT-
~~~~~
Diamond Tiara, Spike, 77, and AJ42 sit at one table in a smokey room, each one trading nervous but confident smirks at one another

Finally, 77 takes out his bone knife and slaps it on the table
'I made this from the bones of monsters we called morlocks and then started to coat it in the venom of some hideous, spider mutants. I've managed to skin myself things worse than a manticore.'

>Not bad...
Spike sets one gun on the table and spins the other in his hand
>But I've reduced the heads of Ursa Minors into fine, red, mists with these beauties. Smith and Wesson 500, they called it back on Earth. Only five shots but each one hits with enough force to kill an alicorn. This gun, is the best gun ever.

Diamond tiara rolls her eyes
-How lame, and primitive. Only fitting savages like the two of you would use such crude instruments.-
She takes out six long cylinders fused together.
-This is an experimental, six chambered, thirty millimeter rocket launcher developed by yours truly dubbed under the project name 'Air Fist'. With armor piercing micro-rockets, this beauty will rip apart any changeling, alicorn, or even chaos god.-

All eyes turned on a smiling 42 who had put her hindlegs up on the table

"Impressive pissing contest all of you are having, but a real warrior's first weapon is their own body. Take away your toys and 77's a nutjob with PTSD, Spike's just a nigh-invulnerable lizard, and DT there's just a mouthy brat without a big gun."

-You talk big yourself, but let's see you back it up!-

Diamond Tiara tries to level her launcher on 42 only for the ammo to be preemptively detonated by a few accurate shots from 42's horn and then she kicked the filly against the wall while 77 and Spike were still taking aim at DT

>Alright, so 42 wins tonight's pot.

Three fourths of the collective toss small bags of bits to 42 who just laughs and scoops all the bits up.

THIS TAKES PLACE SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE
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>SA
"AJ2"
'Cadence'
-Chrysalis-
~~~~~~

"Then I tried to catch a bug, but it flew through the holes, then I tried to catch a pony, and I did! But he had to go, so I tired to catch a train, but then the conductor yelled because he couldn't move the train because I was 'like a giant block of unmovable force' and THEN I... Oh! Hi not mom!"

-...Ahem, I uh, thought this hot tub was 'adults only'?-

>You try telling her no.

'In fact, I did. Several times. And yet, here we are.'

>Sitting in the hot tub, NOT doing the thing we were going to do before...

*Wibble*

>... Because Two's stories are just so much more engaging! Right honey?

'Right!'

"YAY! I'm facina... fashinin... I'm interestin'! Ya' wanna listen, not mom?"

-I would, but you're hogging my seat.-

"But... I'm sitting on Shiny's lap!"

-Yeah. It's a real issue.-

"Well, you can't have my seat!"

-Oh well, I guess, since there's no room, I'll just go eat the crispy treats 18 was going to make.-

"...C-crispy treats?"

-Uh huh. I don't know if I'll like them, though, 18 said she was worried she was going to use way too many Marchmalleys.-

"B-but you can't use too many Marchmalleys! IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE!"

-Oh no! And she was just about to use less, too!-

"WHAT!? NO! 18 NO! YA' DON'T KNOW WHAT'CHER DOIN'! IT'S THE WORST!"

*2 leaps from Shining Armors lap and tears off down the hallway*

-Byyyye! Ha ha! Am I good or am I good?-

'Fine, you get points.'

-Cool! So if you don't mind, I'll just take my sea--

'No!'

-Oh, come on!-

'NO! I'm right here!'

-You can watch!-

'CHRYSALIS!'

-Fine! Ugh. Can I at least steal some of the good conditioner?-

'Fine, you do deserve a reward. Now please, you are holding back the fun times.'

-...You'd think? But you'd be wrong.-

*She leaves.*

'Huh. Wonder what she meant by that? Ah, I don't care. Now, where were we...Shiny?'

>...Eeeeee....

'... jumped a bit hard, did she?'

>H-h-h-her aim could not have been worse, I can't feel them anymore.

'...I'll go get the ice.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Miss Cheerilee
“Spike”
‘Diamond Tiara’
-???-
_________

>So. We’re all ready, yes?

‘Ready for what? Why am I here? Who’s this dragon?’

“Um, gotta say, I’m not really comfortable with all this gear on, Miss Cheerilee.”

>It’d prolong your life to wear the flak jacket at least. I highly recommend it, Spike.

‘Flak jacket? My papa says that’s heavy duty, top-secret military stuff! Not even the Royal Guards have these yet! What in the hay are we doing?’

Pacing in front of her classroom door, Cheerilee glanced about the ‘crew’ gathered before her, namely Spike and the shaken Diamond Tiara.

>We are here because I fear it’s getting hectic in our classroom, Tiara.

A gelatinous spray of crimson splashed up against the door pane as if to emphasize her words and Spike blinked.

“Pardon my French but… what the fuck was that?”

>That, sweetheart, would be what we are here to quell.

‘Quell? What, are you insane? That doesn't explain why am I here!’

>Because of your affinity for trying to kill AJ56, Tiara. While wasted on him, those skills will prove handy today. That, or we’ll die trying.

Cheerilee offered a pleasant smile.

‘I don’t want to die!’

>Then do make sure your aim is on point, yes? You too, Spike.

“I never miss… but if I can ask? Why us?”

‘Yeah!’

>Because the Princesses are busy trying to right all of Equestria’s economic woes, and I figure while the trouble is condensed to our own classroom, this should be a simple in-out sweep.

“And what’s this trouble extend to…?”

>Seems the denizens of Tartarus are getting a bit rowdy, hungry even. They’re not satisfied with merely scaring my students anymore; they want more area to roam. And normally, I wouldn’t mind, but they’ve crossed the line by thinking they can just commandeer my classroom. I must put my hoof down.


There was a glint of silver as Spike lifted his gun, flicking the chamber out to make sure each spot held a bullet. Nodding, he pushed it back in and tugged on his kevlar helmet.

“Miss Cheerilee, with all due respect I have to say, you’re pretty damn insane.”

‘Insane? She’s bucking mental!’

>Yes, just a smidgen, I’d say. But my sanity has no bearing on what’s presently happening. Now, if we’re ready?

‘I’m not! I want to go home! I only showed up because you told me you had a present for me!’

>And I do, Tiara. The present of saving the world. If we should fail to stop the growth here at its weakest, we can pretty much assume the rest of Equestria will follow us into a world of agony.

‘...oh come on, that’s bullsh-’

>Indeed. Now, equipment? Everyone got their vests strapped tight? Helmets snug?

“Yep.”

‘Wait! This vest thing has too many buckles, I can’t-’

“Lemme help.”

>Good, good. And weapons? I’ve got my spells….

“Trusty ol’ Smith and Wesson 500, yes ma’am. Check.”

‘In hindsight, I probably should have seen this coming when you told me to bring my rocket launcher.’

“A blind pony could’ve seen that coming, Tiara.”

‘Bite me, dragon boy.’

“Oooh, so you’re the ‘Flatflank’ 56 is always going on about!”

‘W-what? H-he said that about me? That little-’

“I can see why.”

‘Shut up!’

Cheerilee stamped a hoof down, clearing her throat.

>Yes, well, let us focus, shall we? Fate of the world in the balance and all that there. On my three I open the door, and then….

‘What? And then what?’

“We unleash hell.”

>Quite.

She placed a hoof on the doorknob and both Spike and Tiara tensed, the former flicking off the safety to his gun and the latter fitting her launcher over a shoulder.

>One…

A hair-rising screech of agony tore through the silence.

>Two….

Blood began to drip down the outside walls.

>Three!

When Cheerilee snatched the door open, the classroom they expected to see had been transformed into a hellish nightmare teeming with bent and screaming ponies, some strung up on meat hooks by their mouths, some being turned like a spit roast over a roaring fire, and some just... giggling.

>…

‘…’

“I see they’ve done some redecorating. Wonderful.”

A chalk-white pony dropped from the darkened sky to land right in the doorway, and it spoke without a mouth.

-You are all going to die in here.-

*BANG!*

It flew in reverse with a gushing bullet hole punched into its forehead.

“Not before you, pal.”

>Well done, Spike! Now, shall we?

‘Fuck my life….’

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"AJ18"
'AJ2'
~~~~~~~

>OH THANK CELESTIA! We're done!

"No, don't thank Celestia! She's the one who sent us this stupid request to use our train services for a bunch of CAKE! SHE GETS NO THANKS!"

>Woo, well, you shaved off a couple hours of work, thanks for the help.

"Apparently I am fantastic with secretarial work... heeyyy"

>No thanks.

"Oh, come on! Every high rise boss has a secretary slip under the desk every now and again and have themselves a nice tall glass of 'stress'!"

>You're not my secretary, and I'm not a business pony, I'm royalty.

"Semantics!"

>Honestly, I don't know why you bother trying.

"Because I-"

>It'll just get interrupted.

"...Wait, what?"

>Hm? Oh, you haven't noticed? Here check this out. Oh! 18! Why don't you come over here and give me a nice, long-

*DOOR SLAM!*

'SHINY! I lost my fish!'

>Is he in the bowl?

'I LOOKED IN THERE!'

>The bowl you're carrying, right? Not the empty bowl you used to have him in.

'...Oh, I see, there he is. Hi fishy!'

"Is that thing plastic?"

>I don't want her to get a real one, she runs with it. It won't survive.

'Shiny! Shiny Shiny Shiny! Can we play?'

>Ooooh, I don't know, I have a lot of work.

'...p-pleeeeease?' *Wimper*

"OH DEAR CELESTIA! Go play with her! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, MAKE IT STOP!"

>Told you so. C'mon Two, let's go play on the swing.

'Yaaay! Shiny's gonna push me, Shiny's gonna push me!'

*The both exit, leaving 18 behind while she clutches her chest with wide, stricken eyes*

"...T-that thing isn't a Changeling, it's liquid cute forged by the gods themselves!... Wait, crap! He was totally going to ask me for a... damn. You win this round, Shiny."

>*Faint* No, 2 wins, just like she always does!

"...point."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Sombra write"
~~~~~~~

>Hey Sombra, you seen 18?

"I saw all three members of your platonic harem over in the living quarters, actually. They have received a new film to enjoy."

>Will you stop calling them that? You can't be platonic and a harem at the same time.

"Fine. Your harem is in the living quarters."

>They're not a harem either!

"Fecal matter as pertaining to a bull. Those three would destroy you if given the option."

>Who cares about- Wait, three? Oh god, don't tell me 29's back! I set up SO MANY specific shields to keep him out of the castle! It took months of work! Do you have any idea how hard it is to train a shield to work on a SPECIFIC Changeling?!

"Yes. You forget that in my time, I was a brilliant unicorn, with a mind unrivaled by any save Starswirl himself. It is not the unseemly one, it is the one that shames you in combat fairly often."

>Okay, first off, we're pretty damn close to equal here recently.

*Snort*

>Second, she's NOT one of the seducers. She's the friend one.

"My mistake. I have just come to assume every Changeling simply wishes to be with you at this point."

>Yeah, that's kind of weird.

"Indeed. And Shining Armor?"

>Yeah?

"Thank you for calling me Sombra, not Somby. When the little one does it, it warms the mist hovering where my heart is. When everyone else does it, I simply wish I could devour their hearts instead."

>I sympathize.

"Indeed you would, 'shiny'. Are you planning to go see your platonic not harem?"

>HAH! No, I'm going clear in the other direction.

"A wise choice."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>“All the darkness and love empowerment in the world cannot stop a bullet, my dear.”


Elsewhere, well beyond Celestia's hearing, compelled to do it as if by the very forces of destiny itself, a single, tiny soul cries out.

>BULLSHIT!

The little pink filly will never know why exactly she just screamed that, and personally was of the opinion that detention was a bit harsh for a being compelled by a higher power, but she would soon forget her woes, and confusion.

For she had once again put her favorite target betwixt her sights, and it was time again to pull the trigger.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"Applejack"
~~~~~~~~~

>CURSES!

"What did ya'll do now?"

>No, you shut up! This was a good idea! We were positive of this idea!

"An' reality jus' didn't quite match up, what a shock."

>But reality does match up! But not for us! For the very cosmos themselves HATE US!

"What was the plan?"

>Are you aware of Shining Armor's current physical state?

"Yes, Luna. We're all aware. She brought bucking diagrams, photos, and several different medical reports to the meeting."

>...Speaking of, should we not have a discussion with Fluttershy about why she has those?

"Nah, Flutters is an upstanding gal. She jus' found herself a passion fer' medical stuff here recently."

>If you say so. But the point is, he has clearly become far less of a slob, yes?

"Yeah?"

>And his combat prowess has also increased immensely?

"Right."

>And the current theory states that this is because the one known as Applejack 42 fights him frequently.

"Good so far."

>So then WHY ISN'T IT WORKING HERE!?

Applejack, curious, decided to peer over the balcony to see just what she was talking about. To her surprise, over a hundred soldiers were sprawled out in various states of injury on the ground, with an excited Changeling barking orders for another batch of the scared masses hiding in the corner to come face her. They felt that they were much better suited for the wall, it seemed.

"...Well, maybe it jus' ain't took yet. Keep trying."

>Wait, so you feel this is a good idea?

"Yep. Go fer' it Luna."

>Huzzah! We have discovered elation! You there! Soldier! Stop hiding and face her!

As she walked away from the sound of a quite girlish scream and the clang of metal, Applejack had to smirk to herself. It wouldn't help them, to be honest, she knows 42 subconsciously makes sure Shining Armor gets the most out of her training and will instead just hurt these poor saps. But you know what?

Maybe this'll teach them not to stand around sucking on their hooves while she has to go save the world.
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>Celestia
-Changelings-
"Chrysalis"

>So, how is it coming, Applejack?

-*every Changeling in unison" How's what coming?-

>....No, I'm looking for Applejack.

-Yes?-

>No no, Applejack.

-I am Applejack!-

>The Applejack with the wings and horn.

-.......-

>Okay, bad example. Looking for the orange one.

*Every Changeling shifts until they are orange colored*

>I-Ugh...

"I know, my... denizens ability to.... metamorphosis is quite.... majestic!"

>Well, seems someone found the Thesaurus.

"It was actually way less impressive than I thought it was going to be."

>I am going to strangle Applejack, I swear it.

-GASP! NO!-

>NOT! YOU!
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Applejack looked out at the window and watched the night slowly overtake the sky. Another day gone, and still, there was paperwork unfinished on her desk, and there would be more by the next day. Officially, she didn't have to work anymore, but knowing tomorrow's fate, the former-farm pony resigned herself back to signing.

"Applejack?" Spike's familiar voice called from behind the door and Applejack immediately urged him inside with her magic. Whether the baby dragon did paperwork (which he always did) or not, the company alone would take the edge off the mind numbing insanity.

"Well, howdy, Spike, what can Ah do ya for?" Applejack said merrily, her mood already picked up and a form she had been struggling with filled out in a flash.

To her surprise though, the normally confident dragon instead blushed and stuttered, his hands behind his back, and completely at a loss for words. She was only able to make out from his mumbling something about "today's date" and "all things given." This unusual regression to some old habits was endearing enough to make Applejack chuckle and decide to intervene with some encouragement.

"Well shoot, partner, no need to push yerself. Jus' take a seat an' feel free to talk whenever yer ready."

It worked well enough to get him to meet her gaze and smile. "Sure I'm not interrupting anything?"

"Sugarcube, Ah always try to make time fer Equestria, the darkside o' Luna's butt Ah can make time fer mah friends."

That final bit of encouragement seemed to spur her small friend forward. Taking his hands out from behind his back, he revealed a beautiful bouquet of flowers which included apple blossoms and extended it out to the princess. "Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Applejack."

Now it was her turn to blush, and her mind to crash into a wall and explode into a pile of burning wreckage from which tiny little mental Applejacks scurried out on fire, blaming Celestia.

"H-Hearts an' Hooves Day?! That really today's date?" A quick glance at the calendar confirmed Spike wasn't making some kind of joke on her. At last she allowed the news to fully sink in and accept the truth. "That time o' year again... huh?" For a moment, she thought about how she would be alone, again, and spend her day working on the farm and not a soul to even acknowledge her. For who she really was, not what they thought she was. (Stupid, Trenderhoof.)

"Yep, it's that time of year again, and while the day is over, the night's still young and Applejack..." Spike broke the princess's sideline and brought her back to this strange new reality as he set the bouquet down her desk and revealed a simple, yet beautiful, silvery, grey-white band polished to nearly a mirror's finish and an amber stone set in with apple seeds frozen inside.

"The band is titanium, strong, lasting, dependable. Frozen in the amber are seeds from Malus Sieversii." Spike explained proudly and with gentle claw took Applejack's hoof and slipped the band on, the princess too stunned to protest.

She then looked it over and watched the last rays of light dance through the golden stone, staring in awe at the silhouettes within.

Finally, Spike spoke. "Do you like it?"

"Ah love it... It's beautiful, Spike, but... Why me? Why are ya given this to me?"

"I want you to be my special some pony this year, and I to be yours, if you would have me."

Always the gentleman.

Rarity was an idiot not to take him when she had the chance. And now, it was hers.

Smiling brightly, she accepted the bouquet by biting a few of the flowers to fill her stomach and then looked back to Spike. "Well, loverboy, after ya come in and sweep me off mah hooves wit' a proposition like that, how can Ah say 'no'?"

Spike smiled and nearly tackled her with a hug.

"Whoa, loverboy, the night's still young an' Ah wanna see if ya got anythin' else planned 'fore we get to that." Applejack teased and watched Spike turn beet red.

"Ah, yes! So, Princess Applejack, ready to call it a night on the paperwork and greet the world?"

She stepped out from behind her desk, offering a wing to her date for the evening. "Ready whenever you are, special some pony."

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