Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

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1
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Houston, this is Condor.

2
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We are doing an EVA of the payload.

3
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We are about to present
the module with...

4
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What the...?

5
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Oh, my gentle Jesus!

6
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Houston, we have a problem.

7
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Launch procedure commence.

8
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Oh, yeah!

9
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Oh, yes! Yes!

10
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And I'm spent.

11
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- Do you smoke after sex?
- I don't know, baby. I never looked.

12
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Oh, Austin.

13
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- What shall we do now?
- Well, I've got an idea.

14
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- Why don't we shag?
- Again?

15
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Sure, baby. We're only up to chapter 11
in the Kamasutra.

16
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Don't you wanna try the Wheelbarrow
or the Praying Donkey...

17
00:02:18,933 --> 00:02:21,184
...or the Chinese Shag Swing?

18
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I'm gonna get us some more champagne,
Jungle Boy.

19
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I'm gonna get us some more champagne,
Jungle Boy.

20
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Are you okay?

21
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I've never felt better, Austin.

22
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All right, then.

23
00:02:40,079 --> 00:02:42,997
I'm just gonna go watch a movie.

24
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Hey, In Like Flint.
That's my favorite movie.

25
00:02:58,014 --> 00:03:01,183
Vanessa, what's going on?

26
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I don't know what you mean, Austin.
I'm the same...

27
00:03:08,942 --> 00:03:10,150
You must...

28
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Oh, my God!

29
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Vanessa!

30
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You're a Fembot!

31
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No shit, Sherlock.

32
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Machine-gun jubblies?

33
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How did I miss those, baby?

34
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Perhaps next time
you should try foreplay.

35
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Right. Oh, my God.

36
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Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers.

37
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A kamikaze bride from me, Dr. Evil.

38
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Oh, thank God.

39
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I can't believe Vanessa...

40
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...my bride...

41
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...my one true love...

42
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...the woman who taught me
the beauty of monogamy...

43
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...was a Fembot all along.

44
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Wait a tick. That means I'm single again.

45
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Oh, behave!

46
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Yeah!

47
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Yeah, baby, yeah!

48
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Halt!

49
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Disgusting.

50
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Yeah, baby, yeah!

51
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Yeah.

52
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Hey, how are you? Good to see you.

53
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Good. Hey. Yeah.

54
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Revolting.

55
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What's that? What's that? Oh.

56
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Yes. Yeah, that looks good on you, man!

57
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Hey, what's going on?
Good to see you guys.

58
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Yes. Good to see you.

59
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Yeah.

60
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Rabbis, how are you? Nice meat.
Yes, nice meat.

61
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Photo op.

62
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Yeah, baby.

63
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Keep a close eye on
that Kreplachistan situation.

64
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Sir.

65
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Jerry, Jerry.

66
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Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much.

67
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If you just joined us, today's topic is:

68
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"My father is evil
and he wants to take over the world."

69
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Okay, let's meet Scott Evil.

70
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- Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us.
- Thanks, Jerry.

71
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Tell us about your father.

72
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Well, my dad is the head
of a worldwide evil organization...

73
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...with aspirations of world domination.

74
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Wow, pretty serious stuff.
Where is he now?

75
00:08:17,922 --> 00:08:21,967
He's, like, cryogenically frozen,
orbiting the Earth or something.

76
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That's what you think.

77
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But we have a surprise for you, Scott.

78
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Okay, let's bring out Scott's father,
Dr. Evil.

79
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What? I didn't... What?

80
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General, we've got a situation here.

81
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What is it, sergeant?

82
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Hello, Scott.

83
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Daddy's back.

84
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How could you do this to me?
On national television.

85
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Well, throw me a fricking bone
here, Scott.

86
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Why'd you run out on me?

87
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Because you're not quite evil enough.

88
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Well, it's true.

89
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You're quasi-evil.

90
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You're semi-evil.

91
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You're the margarine of evil.

92
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You're the Diet Coke of evil.

93
00:09:10,935 --> 00:09:13,478
Just one calorie. Not evil enough.

94
00:09:13,646 --> 00:09:15,396
What are you? Some kind of freak?

95
00:09:15,564 --> 00:09:17,982
- Hey, shut up, ****off!
- Okay. Okay, come on.

96
00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:21,319
- I'll kick your ***, punk!
- Bring it on, you skanky *****.

97
00:09:21,487 --> 00:09:22,946
All right, all right. Come on.

98
00:09:23,113 --> 00:09:25,323
No one talks to my son like that.
It's okay.

99
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:27,742
You mother******* piece of ****!

100
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:32,998
Yeah, ****! I'll kick your ***,
you ****ing ****sucker!

101
00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:34,291
You piece of ****!

102
00:09:36,711 --> 00:09:39,838
You were born in your mother's ****,
you **********.

103
00:09:40,006 --> 00:09:41,674
Jerry, Jerry.
I'm okay.

104
00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:43,008
I'm okay.

105
00:09:43,176 --> 00:09:46,178
All right, you were born
in your mother's ******* *******!

106
00:09:46,346 --> 00:09:49,431
- I'll ****ing kill you!
I'll kill you both!

107
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There you go. Great.

108
00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:55,354
There you go, I got your hood!
I got your hood!

109
00:09:55,522 --> 00:09:58,107
Settle down. Okay, settle down.
It's okay. Okay, okay.

110
00:09:58,275 --> 00:10:00,109
It's only a television show. Calm down.

111
00:10:00,277 --> 00:10:03,028
- Okay, I'm all right. I'm easy.
- Okay. Everything okay?

112
00:10:03,196 --> 00:10:06,740
- Get this jerk out of here.
- I'll give you a **** piece of ****...

113
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You mother******.

114
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He's biting me!

115
00:10:12,455 --> 00:10:15,040
He's biting me! The ****er's biting me!

116
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**** off, you ****!

117
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Give me that! The world is mine!

118
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The world is mine, you *******!

119
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You've got mail.
Hello, Basil.

120
00:10:38,649 --> 00:10:40,984
Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon?

121
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Well, it turns out
that Vanessa was a Fembot.

122
00:10:44,488 --> 00:10:47,657
Yes, we knew all along, sadly.

123
00:10:48,576 --> 00:10:51,244
Anyway, I have a new assignment
for you, Austin.

124
00:10:51,412 --> 00:10:53,413
You're scheduled for a photo shoot...

125
00:10:53,581 --> 00:10:56,750
...and one of the models
works for Dr. Evil.

126
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,168
Groovy, baby!

127
00:10:58,336 --> 00:11:01,129
Shaguar, ho!

128
00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:10,889
Show me to the models, baby.

129
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Let the magic begin.

130
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Who have we got today? Okay, great.

131
00:11:17,313 --> 00:11:18,938
Austin, I've heard a lot about you.

132
00:11:19,106 --> 00:11:21,900
I'm Rebecca Romijn.
I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

133
00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:26,113
Well, of course you haven't had
the pleasure, Rebecca.

134
00:11:26,281 --> 00:11:28,240
We just met, baby, yeah.

135
00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:34,080
Who are you, baby?

136
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Ivana.

137
00:11:36,458 --> 00:11:38,292
Ivana Humpalot.

138
00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:39,919
Excuse me?

139
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Ivana Humpalot.

140
00:11:41,963 --> 00:11:46,258
And "lvana" toilet made out of gold,
but it's just not in the cards, now, is it?

141
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You know.

142
00:11:49,388 --> 00:11:51,472
Okay, everyone. Let's get started.

143
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,808
Yes! Beautiful! Feeling it!

144
00:11:53,975 --> 00:11:57,269
Let's get some smiles. It's all in here.
That's it. Yes.

145
00:11:57,437 --> 00:11:58,938
Let's let the inside out.

146
00:11:59,106 --> 00:12:00,314
Okay, you're an animal!

147
00:12:00,482 --> 00:12:02,983
Yes! There we go! You're a tiger!

148
00:12:03,151 --> 00:12:04,318
You're Tony the Tiger!

149
00:12:04,486 --> 00:12:05,986
You're great!

150
00:12:06,154 --> 00:12:09,073
Very good. Loving it.
Now you're a lemur.

151
00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:12,284
Running as a pack. Yes, yes. We go left.

152
00:12:12,452 --> 00:12:14,328
We go right. Yes, yes, yes.

153
00:12:14,496 --> 00:12:17,123
There's a predator out in the jungle.
What's going on?

154
00:12:17,290 --> 00:12:18,582
Burrow! Burrow!

155
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:20,501
You're a lemur! It's all you've got!

156
00:12:20,669 --> 00:12:22,796
You don't have sharp teeth
capable of biting.

157
00:12:22,964 --> 00:12:25,257
Make interconnected tunnels
like the Vietcong.

158
00:12:25,425 --> 00:12:26,466
And look! Look, look!

159
00:12:26,634 --> 00:12:28,593
I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy.

160
00:12:28,761 --> 00:12:30,262
And I'm spent.

161
00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:32,639
Right, that's a wrap, everyone.

162
00:12:33,349 --> 00:12:34,349
Miss Humpalot.

163
00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:36,101
Da, darling?

164
00:12:36,269 --> 00:12:39,855
- Shall we?
- Give me moment.

165
00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:51,992
Dr. Evil...

166
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:56,538
...several years ago, we invested
in a small, Seattle-based coffee company.

167
00:12:57,832 --> 00:13:02,043
Today, Starbucks
offers premium-quality coffee...

168
00:13:02,211 --> 00:13:04,045
...at affordable prices.

169
00:13:04,505 --> 00:13:06,798
Delish.

170
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,134
Dr. Evil...

171
00:13:09,302 --> 00:13:14,890
...if we shift our resources away
from evil empires and toward Starbucks...

172
00:13:15,057 --> 00:13:17,893
...we can increase our profits fivefold.

173
00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:21,606
Number Two, I make the decisions here,
okay?

174
00:13:21,773 --> 00:13:23,900
I demand a little respect.

175
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:27,069
Dr. Evil, you have a little of the...

176
00:13:27,237 --> 00:13:28,988
Silence!

177
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:32,533
I will not tolerate your insolence!

178
00:13:32,701 --> 00:13:34,076
Frau Farbissina.

179
00:13:37,915 --> 00:13:39,040
How are things?

180
00:13:39,208 --> 00:13:43,044
I have come to embrace the love
that dare not speak its name.

181
00:13:43,212 --> 00:13:45,213
To my right is my lover.

182
00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:47,507
We met at the LPGA tour.

183
00:13:47,674 --> 00:13:50,551
Her name is Unibrau.

184
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:52,220
Right on.

185
00:13:53,722 --> 00:13:55,556
Welcome, Unibrau.

186
00:13:57,935 --> 00:13:58,935
Doctor, you...

187
00:13:59,102 --> 00:14:00,937
- What?
- You have a little...

188
00:14:01,104 --> 00:14:03,022
...milk nose mustache.

189
00:14:05,150 --> 00:14:07,276
I know. I know, I know.

190
00:14:07,861 --> 00:14:11,280
Meant to. It's how we drink it in Belgium.

191
00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:12,740
It's called a Belgian Dip.

192
00:14:12,908 --> 00:14:16,119
Dr. Evil, while you were frozen...

193
00:14:16,287 --> 00:14:19,790
...we began a program to clone you.

194
00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:23,126
- Cool.
- Send in the clone!

195
00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:26,797
He is exactly like you in every way...

196
00:14:30,802 --> 00:14:33,262
...except one-eighth your size.

197
00:14:34,847 --> 00:14:36,098
Breathtaking.

198
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,559
I shall call him...

199
00:14:39,394 --> 00:14:41,061
...Mini-Me.

200
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:47,943
Your stock is rising, Number Two.

201
00:14:51,406 --> 00:14:52,823
Come, Mr. Bigglesworth.

202
00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:57,828
Mini-Me, are you hungry?

203
00:14:58,246 --> 00:14:59,454
Something to eat?

204
00:14:59,622 --> 00:15:00,747
Not even a Hot Pocket?

205
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:03,500
An Eggo?

206
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:07,129
No. No, we don't gnaw on our kitty.

207
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,630
Leave... No.

208
00:15:08,798 --> 00:15:10,757
Leave Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth alone.

209
00:15:10,925 --> 00:15:13,553
Just love him and stroke him.

210
00:15:14,930 --> 00:15:19,058
As you know, every diabolical scheme
that I've hatched...

211
00:15:19,226 --> 00:15:22,186
...has been thwarted by Austin Powers.

212
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:24,522
And why is that, ladies and gentlemen?

213
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:27,692
You never kill him when you get the chance,
and you're a dope?

214
00:15:29,111 --> 00:15:30,445
No, no, no.

215
00:15:30,613 --> 00:15:32,405
No, no.

216
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,452
Down. Down, Mini-Me.

217
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:43,166
No. Austin Powers always defeats me
because he has mojo.

218
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:44,542
Mojo?

219
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,419
Mojo.

220
00:15:46,587 --> 00:15:50,548
The libido, the life force,
the essence, the right stuff.

221
00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:53,551
What the French call a certain...

222
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:55,470
...I don't know what.

223
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,555
Ladies and gentlemen...

224
00:15:57,723 --> 00:16:01,351
...I've developed a device
for traveling through time which I call...

225
00:16:01,518 --> 00:16:03,561
...a "time machine."

226
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,731
Using this "time machine"...

227
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:11,153
...I'm going to go back to the '60s
and steal Austin Powers' mojo.

228
00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:12,738
If you have a time machine...

229
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:17,284
...why not just go back and kill Austin
when he's sitting on the crapper?

230
00:16:17,452 --> 00:16:21,372
How about no, Scott, okay?

231
00:16:22,123 --> 00:16:26,210
Why not use your knowledge of the future
to play the stock market?

232
00:16:26,378 --> 00:16:28,087
We could make trillions.

233
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:31,757
Why make trillions when we could make...

234
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,343
...billions?

235
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,263
A trillion is more than a billion, numbnuts.

236
00:16:38,848 --> 00:16:40,099
All right, zip it.

237
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:41,934
- You can't even...
- Zip it!

238
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,560
Zip.

239
00:16:43,728 --> 00:16:46,730
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
ex-"zip it" A.

240
00:16:47,148 --> 00:16:50,776
- Number Two, would you please...?
- Look, I'm Zippy Longstocking.

241
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,196
When a problem comes along
You must zip it

242
00:16:55,699 --> 00:16:57,199
Zip it good

243
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:58,367
Frau, would you...?

244
00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:02,913
Subtitle: Zip it.

245
00:17:03,081 --> 00:17:04,206
- I'm just trying...
- Zip!

246
00:17:04,374 --> 00:17:06,793
Would you like to have
a suckle of my zipple?

247
00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:08,753
- I want you... Stop...
- Zip! Eh.

248
00:17:08,921 --> 00:17:10,004
- Zip it! Zip it!
This...

249
00:17:11,382 --> 00:17:12,590
You know...

250
00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:13,800
You're like a child.

251
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:17,554
Talking... If you... Just... One time...

252
00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:20,390
Zip it. Unveil the time portal.

253
00:17:31,444 --> 00:17:32,986
As you know...

254
00:17:33,154 --> 00:17:35,822
...Austin Powers was frozen in 1967.

255
00:17:37,158 --> 00:17:40,243
Therefore, I will travel to 1969...

256
00:17:40,411 --> 00:17:42,954
...two years after he was frozen.

257
00:17:43,122 --> 00:17:44,748
He'll be helpless.

258
00:17:44,915 --> 00:17:49,461
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about
to travel through time. I bid you adieu.

259
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,511
I'm okay. I'm okay.

260
00:17:59,847 --> 00:18:02,349
Not turned on, I suppose. Yeah.

261
00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:04,351
Do you think you could...?

262
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:06,937
Yeah, thanks.

263
00:18:07,105 --> 00:18:09,190
Come, Mini-Me!

264
00:18:13,028 --> 00:18:15,529
Don't be scared, Mini-Me.

265
00:18:26,374 --> 00:18:30,461
Dr. Evil. Welcome to 1969.

266
00:18:30,629 --> 00:18:32,755
Thank you, Number Two.

267
00:18:32,923 --> 00:18:35,758
You look so healthy and youthful.

268
00:18:35,926 --> 00:18:37,092
Well, thank you.

269
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:41,680
Heil, doctor.
- And Frau, you look so...

270
00:18:44,768 --> 00:18:46,852
Right.

271
00:18:47,729 --> 00:18:50,564
You know, Dr. Evil, I received your memo
from the future.

272
00:18:50,732 --> 00:18:52,733
Your new lair is up and running.

273
00:18:52,901 --> 00:18:55,736
Is it a hollowed-out volcano,
like I asked for?

274
00:18:56,863 --> 00:18:58,907
Of course.

275
00:18:59,742 --> 00:19:01,284
Good.

276
00:19:01,452 --> 00:19:04,412
Then it's all going perfectly to plan.

277
00:19:32,358 --> 00:19:34,526
Yeah, baby, yeah!

278
00:19:40,324 --> 00:19:41,992
When did you get the clapper?

279
00:19:42,159 --> 00:19:46,371
November, 1964.
Dutch East Indies, shore leave.

280
00:19:46,789 --> 00:19:49,374
Do you know how we keep warm
in Russia?

281
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:52,627
I can guess, baby.

282
00:19:52,795 --> 00:19:53,920
We play chess.

283
00:19:54,463 --> 00:19:56,132
I guessed wrong.

284
00:19:56,300 --> 00:20:00,553
It takes a keen intellect to play chess,
Mr. Powers.

285
00:20:01,930 --> 00:20:04,891
I assume you know how to play.

286
00:20:06,977 --> 00:20:08,060
Of course, baby.

287
00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:31,167
What to do, what to do.

288
00:21:01,699 --> 00:21:04,368
Let me ask you a question.

289
00:21:04,535 --> 00:21:06,703
And be honest.

290
00:21:06,871 --> 00:21:09,164
Do I make you horny, baby?

291
00:21:09,332 --> 00:21:10,374
Do I?

292
00:21:10,541 --> 00:21:12,793
Do I make you randy?

293
00:21:12,961 --> 00:21:14,169
Yeah?

294
00:21:16,214 --> 00:21:18,048
No more games.

295
00:21:18,216 --> 00:21:21,343
Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you...

296
00:21:21,511 --> 00:21:23,220
...but I find you so...

297
00:21:24,389 --> 00:21:26,682
- Sexy and...
- Yes. Yes.

298
00:21:27,433 --> 00:21:29,184
Just make love to me.

299
00:21:29,352 --> 00:21:32,813
Now, Austin Powerovich. Hurry.

300
00:21:37,568 --> 00:21:39,820
You are hairy, like animal!

301
00:21:39,988 --> 00:21:42,739
Grr, baby. Very grr.

302
00:21:42,907 --> 00:21:45,367
Make love to me, monkey man.

303
00:21:46,703 --> 00:21:52,250
Dr. Evil, I don't understand how
we can hope to steal Austin Powers' mojo.

304
00:21:52,418 --> 00:21:54,085
We've tried this before.

305
00:21:55,295 --> 00:21:57,839
The security around Powers is foolproof.

306
00:21:58,215 --> 00:22:02,593
Ah, but this time we have an operative
inside the Ministry of Defense.

307
00:22:02,761 --> 00:22:03,845
Really?

308
00:22:04,930 --> 00:22:07,056
Yes, really.

309
00:22:08,517 --> 00:22:12,270
He's stealing Austin Powers' mojo
even as we speak.

310
00:22:12,438 --> 00:22:13,604
Really?

311
00:22:15,733 --> 00:22:17,358
Really.

312
00:22:19,111 --> 00:22:20,903
He's a disgruntled Scottish guard...

313
00:22:21,071 --> 00:22:24,449
...known for his lethal temper
and his unusual eating habits.

314
00:22:24,616 --> 00:22:26,284
He weighs a metric ton.

315
00:22:26,452 --> 00:22:27,744
His name:

316
00:22:27,911 --> 00:22:30,121
Fat Bastard.

317
00:22:32,207 --> 00:22:36,127
We've had reports there's a spy
in the Ministry of Defense.

318
00:22:36,295 --> 00:22:38,629
The contents of this room
are vital to the country.

319
00:22:38,797 --> 00:22:41,215
Be on special alert.

320
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:42,967
Yes, sir!

321
00:22:43,135 --> 00:22:46,638
And try to lose some weight,
for God's sake.

322
00:22:47,098 --> 00:22:48,557
Yes, sir!

323
00:22:51,311 --> 00:22:54,480
Mr. English Colonel,
telling me to lose weight.

324
00:22:55,148 --> 00:22:58,150
Oh, I'm a hard case, he says.

325
00:22:58,318 --> 00:23:02,988
Well, listen up, sonny Jim, I ate a baby!

326
00:23:03,156 --> 00:23:04,323
Oh, aye.

327
00:23:04,491 --> 00:23:07,493
Baby: The other Other White Meat.

328
00:23:07,660 --> 00:23:10,496
Baby: It's what's for dinner.

329
00:23:35,563 --> 00:23:38,982
Oh, I've got your mojo now, sonny Jim!

330
00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:44,864
- What's wrong?
- Crikey!

331
00:23:45,032 --> 00:23:47,700
I've lost my mojo.

332
00:23:51,497 --> 00:23:55,166
Austin, the test results confirm
that you've lost your mojo.

333
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:57,669
And it couldn't come at a worse time.

334
00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:01,714
We have evidence that Dr. Evil
has developed a time machine...

335
00:24:01,882 --> 00:24:04,843
...and has traveled back to the year 1969.

336
00:24:05,344 --> 00:24:08,138
Luckily, we too have developed
a time-travel device...

337
00:24:08,305 --> 00:24:11,516
...to transport you back to the '60s.

338
00:24:12,977 --> 00:24:16,187
This is where you input your destination.

339
00:24:16,355 --> 00:24:19,858
Wait a tick.
Basil, if I travel back to 1969...

340
00:24:20,025 --> 00:24:21,693
...and I was frozen in 1967...

341
00:24:21,861 --> 00:24:24,195
...presumably,
I could go visit my frozen self.

342
00:24:24,363 --> 00:24:26,990
But if I'm still frozen in 1967...

343
00:24:27,158 --> 00:24:29,909
...how could I have been unthawed
in the '90s and traveled...

344
00:24:30,077 --> 00:24:32,036
Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.

345
00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:36,583
I suggest you don't worry about
this sort of thing and just enjoy yourself.

346
00:24:36,750 --> 00:24:40,254
- That goes for you all too.
- Yes.

347
00:24:40,422 --> 00:24:41,922
This is smashing, Basil.

348
00:24:42,090 --> 00:24:48,846
I'll go back to the '60s, recharge my mojo,
defeat Dr. Evil and be back in time for tea.

349
00:24:49,014 --> 00:24:51,932
Swinging '60s, here I come, baby, yeah!

350
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:53,559
Move! Move!

351
00:24:53,727 --> 00:24:55,311
Move!

352
00:24:57,105 --> 00:24:58,772
No, Austin, no! No!

353
00:24:59,149 --> 00:25:00,524
Sorry.

354
00:25:00,692 --> 00:25:03,152
- I bet that's expensive.
Quite all right.

355
00:25:04,946 --> 00:25:07,114
Oh, sorry, here we go.
Yes, yes.

356
00:25:07,282 --> 00:25:08,324
Almost.
- Sorry!

357
00:25:08,491 --> 00:25:09,825
Easy, easy.

358
00:25:09,993 --> 00:25:11,660
God damn barrels, Austin.

359
00:25:11,828 --> 00:25:14,205
Yeah, see, here we go, here we go.
All right.

360
00:25:14,372 --> 00:25:16,624
Yeah, baby, yeah!

361
00:25:17,959 --> 00:25:20,127
Godspeed, Austin Powers.

362
00:25:38,898 --> 00:25:40,941
I'm home.

363
00:25:50,826 --> 00:25:52,327
Austin Powers!

364
00:25:52,495 --> 00:25:55,205
- Austin Powers?
- Yes.

365
00:25:56,249 --> 00:26:00,293
I'm back in the '60s, baby, yeah!

366
00:26:04,048 --> 00:26:05,590
Yeah, all right, there you are.

367
00:26:14,392 --> 00:26:16,101
Yeah!

368
00:26:18,854 --> 00:26:23,358
Hey, hey, hey.
Get your hands off my heinie, baby.

369
00:26:43,297 --> 00:26:44,839
Who are you today, baby?

370
00:26:46,049 --> 00:26:48,384
My name is Robin Swallows.

371
00:26:48,552 --> 00:26:51,220
Swallows. That's an interesting name.

372
00:26:51,888 --> 00:26:53,973
Maiden name is Spitz.

373
00:26:54,141 --> 00:26:56,726
Well, which is it, baby?
Spitz or Swallows?

374
00:27:45,610 --> 00:27:49,738
Those are skintight.
How do you get into those pants, baby?

375
00:27:49,906 --> 00:27:52,032
You can start by buying me a drink.

376
00:28:03,294 --> 00:28:05,545
I want. I want.

377
00:28:24,482 --> 00:28:27,902
You better play it cool.
Your friend works for Dr. Evil.

378
00:28:28,070 --> 00:28:31,823
And just who do you work for, baby?

379
00:28:34,785 --> 00:28:36,994
Tell me, Mr. Powers.

380
00:28:37,496 --> 00:28:38,746
Do you swing?

381
00:28:38,914 --> 00:28:40,665
Are you kidding, baby?

382
00:28:40,833 --> 00:28:44,377
I put the "grr" in "swinger," baby!

383
00:28:45,087 --> 00:28:47,839
Then why don't you come right...

384
00:28:48,006 --> 00:28:49,674
...over... here.

385
00:28:49,842 --> 00:28:51,467
Okay, I could do that.

386
00:28:53,178 --> 00:28:54,554
Easy.

387
00:28:54,721 --> 00:28:55,763
Cheeky.

388
00:29:06,191 --> 00:29:08,609
Prepare to die, Powers!

389
00:29:10,487 --> 00:29:11,946
Use the machine gun!

390
00:29:21,875 --> 00:29:24,209
Say goodbye, Powers!

391
00:29:26,296 --> 00:29:28,672
Use the bazooka!

392
00:29:29,841 --> 00:29:33,302
No!

393
00:29:40,768 --> 00:29:44,688
The fall will kill us both, Powers!

394
00:29:53,781 --> 00:29:56,200
You can't win, Powers.

395
00:29:58,328 --> 00:30:00,621
Why won't you die?

396
00:30:06,044 --> 00:30:07,085
Care for a ride?

397
00:30:11,466 --> 00:30:14,092
Go! Go! Go!

398
00:30:14,260 --> 00:30:16,136
Go!

399
00:30:19,391 --> 00:30:21,267
Austin Powers, I presume.

400
00:30:21,435 --> 00:30:22,977
Powers by name...

401
00:30:23,145 --> 00:30:26,189
...Powers by reputation.

402
00:30:26,357 --> 00:30:28,399
Felicity Shagwell, CIA.

403
00:30:28,567 --> 00:30:32,445
Shagwell by name,
Shag-very-well by reputation.

404
00:30:32,613 --> 00:30:34,155
Oh, behave.

405
00:30:35,366 --> 00:30:37,867
Not if I can help it.

406
00:30:40,329 --> 00:30:43,665
Yes. Ooh.

407
00:30:50,214 --> 00:30:51,548
You know what's remarkable...

408
00:30:51,715 --> 00:30:56,302
...is how much England looks
in no way like southern California.

409
00:31:13,195 --> 00:31:14,279
Crikey!

410
00:31:14,446 --> 00:31:17,324
We've got company.
It looks like one of Dr. Evil's assassins.

411
00:31:40,515 --> 00:31:42,182
Steady now. Steady.

412
00:31:42,350 --> 00:31:44,101
Hands up.

413
00:31:45,061 --> 00:31:47,605
Do you remember me, Austin Powers?

414
00:31:48,023 --> 00:31:54,194
I don't recall your name,
but your fez is familiar.

415
00:31:57,699 --> 00:31:59,825
My name is Mustafa.

416
00:31:59,993 --> 00:32:02,828
And I'm the man
who will be killing you now.

417
00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:17,344
Who sent you?

418
00:32:17,511 --> 00:32:18,637
You'll have to kill me.

419
00:32:18,804 --> 00:32:20,138
Who sent you?

420
00:32:20,306 --> 00:32:22,057
Kiss my ass, Powers.

421
00:32:22,224 --> 00:32:23,558
Who sent you?

422
00:32:23,893 --> 00:32:25,727
Dr. Evil.

423
00:32:27,063 --> 00:32:29,397
- That was easy.
- That was easy.

424
00:32:29,565 --> 00:32:31,066
Why did you tell us?

425
00:32:31,233 --> 00:32:33,777
I can't stand to be asked
the same question three times.

426
00:32:33,944 --> 00:32:35,320
It just irritates me.

427
00:32:35,488 --> 00:32:37,405
Where is Dr. Evil hiding?

428
00:32:37,573 --> 00:32:40,617
Why would he tell me?
I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.

429
00:32:40,785 --> 00:32:44,412
- Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
- You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell.

430
00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:48,041
- Where's Dr. Evil hiding?
- Damn. Three times.

431
00:32:48,376 --> 00:32:51,211
He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.

432
00:32:51,379 --> 00:32:54,547
Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?

433
00:32:55,591 --> 00:32:57,258
I spit at that question!

434
00:32:57,426 --> 00:33:00,095
Do I really have to ask you
two more times?

435
00:33:00,262 --> 00:33:01,721
Go to hell, Powers.

436
00:33:02,348 --> 00:33:03,723
Fine.

437
00:33:03,891 --> 00:33:08,938
Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?

438
00:33:09,106 --> 00:33:11,941
I will take it to the grave with me!

439
00:33:12,109 --> 00:33:14,026
You have to answer.
He asked three times.

440
00:33:14,194 --> 00:33:16,112
No, no, no.

441
00:33:16,738 --> 00:33:20,116
The second question was, "Do I
really have to ask you two more times?"

442
00:33:20,534 --> 00:33:23,452
That would be the first question
in a new line of questioning...

443
00:33:23,620 --> 00:33:26,205
...and wouldn't count
in the other line of questioning.

444
00:33:26,373 --> 00:33:27,623
Yeah, he's right.

445
00:33:27,791 --> 00:33:29,959
I'm just trying
to get information from you.

446
00:33:30,127 --> 00:33:33,421
I don't need any consistency
in the questions, do I?

447
00:33:33,588 --> 00:33:36,549
No, no. You're preaching
to the converted. I... Uh!

448
00:33:36,717 --> 00:33:38,676
Well, if I'm preaching to the converted...

449
00:33:38,844 --> 00:33:41,762
...why are you being so slavish
to the three-question form?

450
00:33:41,930 --> 00:33:44,974
You're not even looking at me, man.
Now you're just being rude.

451
00:33:45,142 --> 00:33:46,809
You're not listening, man.

452
00:33:51,481 --> 00:33:53,315
Oh, crikey.

453
00:33:56,987 --> 00:34:00,322
Well, Austin, I think this time
you may have finally met your match.

454
00:34:00,490 --> 00:34:01,907
Oh, no, baby.

455
00:34:02,075 --> 00:34:05,454
I've beaten Dr. Evil before,
and I'll beat him again.

456
00:34:05,621 --> 00:34:07,581
I was talking about me.

457
00:34:13,713 --> 00:34:15,338
Yeah.

458
00:34:15,757 --> 00:34:19,301
Hello, up there.
I seem to have fallen down a cliff.

459
00:34:19,469 --> 00:34:22,137
I'm still alive, but I'm very badly injured.

460
00:34:22,305 --> 00:34:25,223
I think my legs might be broken,
but I'll try to stand up.

461
00:34:26,893 --> 00:34:28,393
Yes, they are broken.

462
00:34:28,561 --> 00:34:32,355
Perhaps you could toss me a Band-Aid
or some antibacterial cream.

463
00:34:32,523 --> 00:34:36,276
I'm in an extraordinarily large
amount of pain.

464
00:34:36,444 --> 00:34:41,031
The bone has gone through the skin.
I fear it might be gangrenous.

465
00:34:41,199 --> 00:34:45,535
The wound is beginning to smell
a little like almonds, which is not good.

466
00:34:45,703 --> 00:34:46,912
Please?

467
00:34:47,246 --> 00:34:48,455
No one?

468
00:34:48,623 --> 00:34:50,207
- Sorry.
- I'll try the other leg.

469
00:34:57,507 --> 00:35:01,051
Two of my assassins are dead.
I will not tolerate failure.

470
00:35:01,220 --> 00:35:05,890
I'm the man who will maintain
the dignity of this evil organization.

471
00:35:06,058 --> 00:35:08,059
What the hell was that?

472
00:35:08,227 --> 00:35:10,019
Volcanic eruption!

473
00:35:19,196 --> 00:35:23,533
May I present to you
my spy in the Ministry of Defense:

474
00:35:24,576 --> 00:35:26,828
Fat Bastard.

475
00:35:27,913 --> 00:35:31,040
First things first. Where's your shitter?

476
00:35:31,208 --> 00:35:34,585
I've got a turtle head poking out.

477
00:35:35,587 --> 00:35:36,754
Charming.

478
00:35:37,256 --> 00:35:38,714
I'm not kidding.

479
00:35:38,882 --> 00:35:42,969
I got a crap on deck
that could choke a donkey.

480
00:35:43,595 --> 00:35:45,721
It's squidgey.

481
00:35:46,974 --> 00:35:50,226
Christ, I'm getting all emotional from it,
you know?

482
00:35:51,270 --> 00:35:52,770
Right...

483
00:35:52,938 --> 00:35:56,607
Fat Bastard,
could I have my mojo, please?

484
00:35:56,775 --> 00:35:58,610
Where's my money?

485
00:35:58,778 --> 00:36:01,071
All right, give him his money.

486
00:36:03,658 --> 00:36:06,785
Jesus Christ, he's tiny.

487
00:36:07,245 --> 00:36:10,873
I've had bigger chunks of corn
in my crap.

488
00:36:12,250 --> 00:36:14,376
Wait a minute.

489
00:36:14,961 --> 00:36:17,588
He kind of looks like a baby.

490
00:36:17,755 --> 00:36:20,632
Come here, I'm gonna eat you!

491
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,844
I'm bigger than you,
I'm higher on the food chain.

492
00:36:24,012 --> 00:36:26,138
Get in my belly!

493
00:36:26,306 --> 00:36:28,265
Come on!

494
00:36:29,434 --> 00:36:31,143
You're lucky, wee man!

495
00:36:32,729 --> 00:36:34,354
Can I have a hug?

496
00:36:35,565 --> 00:36:36,815
Dr. Evil.

497
00:36:37,567 --> 00:36:39,943
Let me make you a deal, all right?

498
00:36:40,111 --> 00:36:42,654
You get the mojo, you keep your money...

499
00:36:42,822 --> 00:36:45,324
...and I'll get your baby.

500
00:36:47,327 --> 00:36:50,078
Right...

501
00:36:50,330 --> 00:36:53,665
I want my baby back, baby back,
baby back ribs

502
00:36:53,833 --> 00:36:57,629
I want my baby back, baby back,
baby back ribs

503
00:36:57,796 --> 00:36:59,172
Excuse me.

504
00:36:59,340 --> 00:37:03,176
Chili, baby back ribs

505
00:37:03,344 --> 00:37:06,763
Dr. Evil, what are we going
to do about Powers?

506
00:37:06,931 --> 00:37:10,767
Austin Powers
is no longer a threat to me.

507
00:37:10,935 --> 00:37:13,603
I have his mojo.

508
00:37:50,057 --> 00:37:53,560
All right, everyone. You're dismissed.

509
00:37:54,062 --> 00:37:56,271
Private time.

510
00:38:27,887 --> 00:38:31,265
Dr. Evil, I don't want
this to interfere with our work.

511
00:38:31,433 --> 00:38:33,600
Don't worry, mama.

512
00:38:33,768 --> 00:38:36,186
Things won't get weird.

513
00:38:44,446 --> 00:38:46,447
One for me.

514
00:38:48,617 --> 00:38:50,869
And one for my homeys.

515
00:38:52,955 --> 00:38:54,289
Herr Doctor.

516
00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:25,612
Hello.

517
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,530
So, what happened here?

518
00:39:27,698 --> 00:39:29,824
Apparently a rogue agent
named Fat Bastard...

519
00:39:29,992 --> 00:39:32,577
...infiltrated the unit
assigned to guard your chamber.

520
00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:36,414
He used some sort of nerve gas.
These men don't remember a thing.

521
00:39:36,582 --> 00:39:41,002
Captain, crosscheck Fat Bastard's profile
with the mainframe at Langley.

522
00:39:41,170 --> 00:39:43,296
- Yes, ma'am.
Can I borrow that, please?

523
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:45,841
Thank you. Yes, Austin, yes, yes.

524
00:39:46,009 --> 00:39:49,178
Look at me.
I'm a sexy bitch, baby, yeah.

525
00:39:49,346 --> 00:39:50,846
You're a popsicle, yes.

526
00:39:51,223 --> 00:39:53,516
Yes. No! No!

527
00:39:53,683 --> 00:39:55,518
And I'm spent.

528
00:39:55,685 --> 00:39:58,020
Let's go, baby. Yeah!

529
00:40:02,651 --> 00:40:03,943
Hey there. How are you?

530
00:40:16,873 --> 00:40:19,041
Come on, Felicity, come on.

531
00:40:49,031 --> 00:40:50,740
Yeah, babe!

532
00:40:52,869 --> 00:40:55,245
- Shall we sit down? Yeah.
- Yeah.

533
00:40:55,413 --> 00:40:58,707
This is great.
- Groovy.

534
00:40:59,917 --> 00:41:02,711
So, Austin, what's the future like?

535
00:41:02,879 --> 00:41:05,797
Well, everyone has a flying car...

536
00:41:05,965 --> 00:41:08,341
...entire meals come in pill form...

537
00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:12,262
...and the Earth is ruled by
damned dirty apes!

538
00:41:12,722 --> 00:41:13,763
Oh, my God.

539
00:41:14,307 --> 00:41:15,765
Had you for a second.

540
00:41:17,435 --> 00:41:19,603
You can have me for even longer,
if you want.

541
00:41:20,521 --> 00:41:23,773
You're one groovy baby...

542
00:41:25,276 --> 00:41:26,401
...baby.

543
00:41:28,112 --> 00:41:30,488
Too many "babys."

544
00:41:31,324 --> 00:41:34,284
Don't you dare move.

545
00:41:36,871 --> 00:41:42,210
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach
and Mr. Elvis Costello.

546
00:41:45,923 --> 00:41:49,133
What do you get when you fall in love?

547
00:41:49,801 --> 00:41:52,094
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble

548
00:41:52,262 --> 00:41:54,138
- Would you care to dance?
- I'd love to.

549
00:41:54,306 --> 00:41:57,099
That's what you get for all your trouble

550
00:41:57,267 --> 00:42:08,653
I'll never fall in love again

551
00:42:10,322 --> 00:42:15,159
Don't tell me what it's all about

552
00:42:15,327 --> 00:42:19,247
Because I've been there
And I'm glad I'm out

553
00:42:19,414 --> 00:42:23,042
Out of those chains
Those chains that bind you

554
00:42:23,210 --> 00:42:27,088
That is why I'm here to remind you

555
00:42:27,256 --> 00:42:30,591
What do you get when you fall in love

556
00:42:30,759 --> 00:42:34,513
You only get lies and pain and sorrow

557
00:42:34,681 --> 00:42:38,308
So for at least until tomorrow

558
00:42:38,476 --> 00:42:52,572
I'll never fall in love again

559
00:42:52,740 --> 00:42:54,658
You're quite good on your feet.

560
00:42:54,826 --> 00:42:57,202
I'm even better off my feet.

561
00:43:10,341 --> 00:43:12,342
Oh, behave, baby.

562
00:43:18,933 --> 00:43:19,975
- Hi.
- Hi.

563
00:43:20,143 --> 00:43:21,893
Hi there.

564
00:43:23,438 --> 00:43:26,231
- How are things?
- Good, Herr Doctor. And you?

565
00:43:26,399 --> 00:43:29,192
Great.

566
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,404
Just taking a break?

567
00:43:32,489 --> 00:43:35,825
Try the Hot Pockets.
They're breathtaking.

568
00:43:39,079 --> 00:43:40,955
- It got weird, didn't it?
- Yeah.

569
00:43:41,123 --> 00:43:42,665
I knew it.

570
00:43:43,208 --> 00:43:44,834
You haven't called.

571
00:43:45,002 --> 00:43:46,252
Look, we talked about this.

572
00:43:46,420 --> 00:43:49,172
We promised each other
it wouldn't get weird.

573
00:43:49,340 --> 00:43:52,675
I can't let my feelings for you
interfere with my taking over the world.

574
00:43:52,843 --> 00:43:54,260
You know that.

575
00:43:54,428 --> 00:43:57,764
You know, I will never love another man.

576
00:43:59,767 --> 00:44:01,184
Yes, that's true.

577
00:44:01,727 --> 00:44:03,227
Yeah.

578
00:44:04,772 --> 00:44:07,190
Dr. Evil, I'm late.

579
00:44:07,358 --> 00:44:09,734
- No, you got here right on time.
- No.

580
00:44:09,902 --> 00:44:13,696
I mean I'm late.

581
00:44:20,746 --> 00:44:22,288
Dad.

582
00:44:22,915 --> 00:44:24,374
Scott.

583
00:44:25,084 --> 00:44:26,459
Hey there, sport.

584
00:44:27,336 --> 00:44:28,670
What are you doing here?

585
00:44:28,838 --> 00:44:32,508
I was just thinking that maybe
we can work all this out.

586
00:44:32,675 --> 00:44:35,302
After all, you are my father.

587
00:44:35,470 --> 00:44:39,598
Scott, you had your chance, okay?

588
00:44:39,766 --> 00:44:42,101
I already had someone
created in my image.

589
00:44:42,268 --> 00:44:44,311
He's evil, he wants
to take over the world...

590
00:44:44,479 --> 00:44:47,898
...and he fits easily
into most overhead storage bins.

591
00:44:48,608 --> 00:44:49,650
Him?
Yes.

592
00:44:49,818 --> 00:44:51,693
Look at him. He's crazy.

593
00:44:51,861 --> 00:44:54,655
He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing.

594
00:44:56,449 --> 00:44:58,283
He'll kill me the first chance he gets.

595
00:44:58,451 --> 00:44:59,785
Probably.

596
00:45:00,995 --> 00:45:03,831
I love you.

597
00:45:12,340 --> 00:45:16,093
I am a sexy bitch, yes.

598
00:45:16,261 --> 00:45:19,680
Felicity, make yourself at home, baby.

599
00:45:19,848 --> 00:45:21,974
What do you think of my shag pad,
darling?

600
00:45:22,142 --> 00:45:24,436
It's amazing, Austin.

601
00:45:28,482 --> 00:45:30,275
Wait a tick.

602
00:45:35,948 --> 00:45:38,908
That's how my mojo was stolen.
Fat Bastard.

603
00:45:41,370 --> 00:45:45,832
She's a professional agent.
She's not interested in shagging.

604
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,544
Please, God.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.

605
00:45:49,712 --> 00:45:52,547
Austin, I'm waiting.

606
00:45:58,762 --> 00:46:02,015
How about one of
your world-famous massages?

607
00:46:02,850 --> 00:46:06,394
You mean a sensual massage?

608
00:46:06,896 --> 00:46:10,732
Right, then. Okay...

609
00:46:11,108 --> 00:46:12,817
Here we go. Yes.

610
00:46:12,985 --> 00:46:14,903
Yes.

611
00:46:18,324 --> 00:46:21,410
Oh, wait a minute.
Something's itching me.

612
00:46:22,579 --> 00:46:24,079
That's better.

613
00:46:24,247 --> 00:46:25,873
Crikey!

614
00:46:34,090 --> 00:46:36,175
How does that feel, baby?

615
00:46:36,343 --> 00:46:37,843
Lower.

616
00:46:38,220 --> 00:46:40,971
How does that feel, baby?

617
00:46:42,182 --> 00:46:43,265
What?

618
00:46:43,433 --> 00:46:46,101
You don't have to be cute with me.
We're way past that.

619
00:46:47,020 --> 00:46:48,062
We are?

620
00:46:48,647 --> 00:46:50,356
What do you think?

621
00:46:51,733 --> 00:46:53,609
Listen, Felicity...

622
00:46:55,070 --> 00:46:56,529
...I'm sorry.

623
00:46:57,447 --> 00:46:59,114
I can't do this.

624
00:47:00,617 --> 00:47:01,909
I have to go.

625
00:47:06,122 --> 00:47:07,248
Is it me?

626
00:47:09,334 --> 00:47:11,293
I can't explain.

627
00:47:22,765 --> 00:47:25,475
Hello, Agent Shagwell. Where's Austin?

628
00:47:25,643 --> 00:47:28,728
I must've said something wrong,
so he just left all of a sudden.

629
00:47:29,313 --> 00:47:33,733
Listen, Felicity. I don't want you
getting too close to Austin.

630
00:47:33,901 --> 00:47:36,111
It's not meant to be.

631
00:47:36,279 --> 00:47:38,196
I don't get too close to anybody, Basil.

632
00:47:38,364 --> 00:47:41,616
- My interest is purely professional.
- Good.

633
00:47:41,784 --> 00:47:44,494
Then you won't mind tracking down
Fat Bastard tonight.

634
00:47:44,662 --> 00:47:45,662
No problem.

635
00:47:45,830 --> 00:47:50,375
We need you to plant this homing device
on him by any means necessary.

636
00:47:50,543 --> 00:47:51,668
No problem.

637
00:47:52,003 --> 00:47:53,795
Keep up the good work.

638
00:47:53,963 --> 00:47:57,674
Remember, by any means necessary.

639
00:48:15,152 --> 00:48:16,694
Look at yourself.

640
00:48:17,404 --> 00:48:20,197
You used to be so virile.

641
00:48:21,199 --> 00:48:23,492
You were a swinger, man.

642
00:48:24,244 --> 00:48:26,621
And now you're nothing.

643
00:48:28,290 --> 00:48:31,208
But at least it can't get any worse.

644
00:48:31,627 --> 00:48:34,211
Well, surprise, surprise, huh?

645
00:48:34,379 --> 00:48:36,672
Look at that meal.

646
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:38,591
I'm dead sexy.

647
00:48:38,759 --> 00:48:41,385
Look at my sexy body.

648
00:48:41,553 --> 00:48:42,720
Oh, yeah.

649
00:48:42,888 --> 00:48:45,181
Oh, look, I'm like a singer.

650
00:48:45,349 --> 00:48:48,392
Sexy man, sexy man

651
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:51,312
Eating like a sexy man can

652
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:52,813
By the way...

653
00:48:52,981 --> 00:48:55,191
...would you like some chicken?
I've got more.

654
00:48:55,359 --> 00:48:56,734
No, thanks.

655
00:48:57,569 --> 00:49:00,613
Let's see, what have we got here?
I'm done with that.

656
00:49:00,781 --> 00:49:02,406
All right.

657
00:49:03,283 --> 00:49:05,076
All right, then.

658
00:49:05,243 --> 00:49:06,744
I'll just put this down here.

659
00:49:11,709 --> 00:49:14,753
Remember, by any means necessary.

660
00:49:14,921 --> 00:49:16,588
Must've eaten them already.

661
00:49:19,759 --> 00:49:22,177
Frisky, are we?

662
00:49:23,221 --> 00:49:24,513
- Give it up!
- Ah!

663
00:49:25,348 --> 00:49:30,102
Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to begin
phase two of our evil project.

664
00:49:30,269 --> 00:49:32,938
Or is it phase...? I don't know phases.

665
00:49:33,106 --> 00:49:38,777
Anyways, this is the phase in which
we put a giant "laser" on the moon.

666
00:49:38,945 --> 00:49:43,699
As you know, the moon rotates
around the Earth, like so:

667
00:49:49,789 --> 00:49:53,625
When the moon reaches
its appropriate lunar alignment...

668
00:49:53,793 --> 00:49:56,628
...it will destroy Washington, D.C.

669
00:49:57,130 --> 00:50:01,550
You see, I've turned the moon
into what I like to call...

670
00:50:01,718 --> 00:50:03,927
...a "death star."

671
00:50:06,180 --> 00:50:08,433
- What?
- Nothing, Darth.

672
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:09,767
What did you call me?

673
00:50:09,935 --> 00:50:12,145
No, nothing. Rip-off!

674
00:50:13,647 --> 00:50:14,939
Bless you.

675
00:50:15,107 --> 00:50:17,900
Anyways, the key to this plan
is the giant laser.

676
00:50:18,068 --> 00:50:21,904
It was invented by the noted
Cambridge physicist Dr. Parsons.

677
00:50:22,072 --> 00:50:26,701
Therefore we shall call it
"the Alan Parsons Project."

678
00:50:26,869 --> 00:50:29,162
Oh, my God.

679
00:50:29,663 --> 00:50:30,663
What now?

680
00:50:30,831 --> 00:50:35,001
The Alan Parsons Project
is a progressive rock band in 1982.

681
00:50:35,169 --> 00:50:38,796
Why don't you just call it
"Operation Wang Chung," ass.

682
00:50:39,173 --> 00:50:40,757
- Well, what should we...?
Nothing.

683
00:50:40,924 --> 00:50:43,259
I'm sure "Operation Bananarama"
will be huge.

684
00:50:43,427 --> 00:50:45,011
- What are you saying?
- If you...

685
00:50:45,179 --> 00:50:46,929
- Shh!
- Trying to be hip...

686
00:50:47,097 --> 00:50:49,182
Www. Ssh. Com.

687
00:50:49,349 --> 00:50:52,101
- Dot-org.
- You're so...

688
00:50:52,269 --> 00:50:55,938
Dr. Evil, if we could put aside
the family squabbling for a moment...

689
00:50:56,106 --> 00:50:59,025
...I think we can get down
to some serious business here.

690
00:50:59,193 --> 00:51:00,777
- Really?
- Yeah.

691
00:51:00,944 --> 00:51:02,695
I don't like that insolent tone.

692
00:51:02,863 --> 00:51:04,364
I meant nothing by it.
No, no.

693
00:51:04,532 --> 00:51:07,743
- You want to run things here? Is that it?
- No, not at all.

694
00:51:07,911 --> 00:51:10,454
You wanna be daddy?
Is that it, Number Two?

695
00:51:10,622 --> 00:51:12,206
You wanna wear the daddy pants?

696
00:51:12,373 --> 00:51:15,167
- Are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry?
- I don't think so.

697
00:51:15,335 --> 00:51:18,378
- You gonna cry? You gonna cry?
- What are you...?

698
00:51:19,005 --> 00:51:20,714
Are you gonna squirt some?
Are you gonna cry?

699
00:51:22,342 --> 00:51:25,052
Yeah, see? You're gonna cry, huh?
You're a big man now, huh? Yeah.

700
00:51:25,220 --> 00:51:27,054
Thought so.

701
00:51:48,243 --> 00:51:49,618
Felicity.

702
00:51:49,786 --> 00:51:50,828
Austin.

703
00:51:50,995 --> 00:51:53,247
About what happened last night...

704
00:51:53,414 --> 00:51:56,166
- That's okay. You don't have to explain.
- No, no, no.

705
00:51:56,334 --> 00:51:58,335
You don't understand. You see...

706
00:52:00,464 --> 00:52:02,715
...I've lost my mojo.

707
00:52:04,426 --> 00:52:06,928
- So that's why you...?
- Yes, yes.

708
00:52:09,056 --> 00:52:10,765
I thought you didn't like me.

709
00:52:10,933 --> 00:52:14,018
Oh, no, baby. You're very shagadelic.

710
00:52:14,186 --> 00:52:16,104
I just didn't wanna fall in love again...

711
00:52:16,272 --> 00:52:19,274
...and I thought you'd never love me
without my mojo.

712
00:52:19,441 --> 00:52:21,442
It's not you. You're fab.

713
00:52:21,610 --> 00:52:25,738
You're switched on.
You're a bit of all right, yes.

714
00:52:26,448 --> 00:52:30,285
That is so great.
There's something I should tell you too.

715
00:52:30,452 --> 00:52:33,413
Last night, I planted a homing device
on Fat Bastard.

716
00:52:33,581 --> 00:52:37,208
Smashing, baby. Then we can track down
Fat Bastard, get my mojo...

717
00:52:37,376 --> 00:52:41,796
...go back to my place, hop on
the good foot and do the bad thing.

718
00:52:41,964 --> 00:52:45,508
But there's more. In order to get close
to Fat Bastard, I had to...

719
00:52:45,676 --> 00:52:49,637
Oh! Hello, hello. The signal's coming
through. He's at Paddington Station.

720
00:52:49,805 --> 00:52:51,639
Let's go!

721
00:52:53,767 --> 00:52:55,101
We're close, baby.

722
00:52:55,269 --> 00:52:58,981
This way. Straight.
No, no, left. Through here.

723
00:53:01,860 --> 00:53:04,612
We've got him.
Private, bring up the ram.

724
00:53:09,701 --> 00:53:11,285
Go, go, go!

725
00:53:11,453 --> 00:53:13,078
Where is he?

726
00:53:13,955 --> 00:53:15,664
Oh, my God!

727
00:53:15,832 --> 00:53:18,667
Fat Bastard left a floater!

728
00:53:18,835 --> 00:53:24,006
In the name of all things sacred,
that is the most foul-smelling thing ever!

729
00:53:24,174 --> 00:53:25,841
Somebody flush it down.

730
00:53:26,009 --> 00:53:27,426
No, no. Nobody touch anything.

731
00:53:27,594 --> 00:53:30,387
We have to get this sample to the lab
to be analyzed.

732
00:53:31,973 --> 00:53:33,891
I'm gonna get it.

733
00:53:41,983 --> 00:53:45,444
Austin, there you are.
Has the sample been analyzed?

734
00:53:45,612 --> 00:53:50,366
Cor, baby.
You look very shagadelic, yeah.

735
00:53:50,533 --> 00:53:55,664
But do we really have to be here, Felicity?
I mean, it's so boring.

736
00:53:55,831 --> 00:53:57,791
I don't believe in science.

737
00:53:57,959 --> 00:54:00,877
When it comes to the spy game...

738
00:54:01,045 --> 00:54:02,837
...to me, it's all instinct.

739
00:54:07,802 --> 00:54:09,803
Hello, everybody.
- Hello, Basil.

740
00:54:09,971 --> 00:54:11,888
The results are in.

741
00:54:12,056 --> 00:54:14,891
We've discovered trace elements
of a rare vegetable...

742
00:54:15,059 --> 00:54:18,687
...found only on one island,
here, in the Caribbean.

743
00:54:18,854 --> 00:54:20,105
Whoop-dee-doo!

744
00:54:20,272 --> 00:54:22,899
What does it all mean, Basil?

745
00:54:23,067 --> 00:54:28,113
It means that this is the location
of Dr. Evil's lair.

746
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,156
Smashing, Basil.

747
00:54:30,324 --> 00:54:31,700
Cor.

748
00:54:31,867 --> 00:54:34,577
This coffee smells like shit.

749
00:54:37,164 --> 00:54:39,374
It is shit, Austin.

750
00:54:40,084 --> 00:54:42,752
Oh, good, then it's not just me.

751
00:54:47,258 --> 00:54:48,675
It's a bit nutty.

752
00:54:59,271 --> 00:55:00,855
Excuse me, Dr. Evil.

753
00:55:01,023 --> 00:55:04,025
I have to speak to you
about this Mini-Me.

754
00:55:04,192 --> 00:55:05,443
He's not fitting in?

755
00:55:05,610 --> 00:55:08,779
Is he giving off too much
of a creepy Oompa-Loompa vibe?

756
00:55:08,947 --> 00:55:10,531
No, it's just that...

757
00:55:10,699 --> 00:55:12,241
...he bites.

758
00:55:14,578 --> 00:55:16,287
He's a biter.

759
00:55:19,249 --> 00:55:21,167
What's wrong, Mini-Me?

760
00:55:21,334 --> 00:55:23,461
Something you wanna tell us?

761
00:55:25,005 --> 00:55:27,798
Teething. Yeah.

762
00:55:28,216 --> 00:55:31,719
Get me the president
of the United States of America!

763
00:55:32,763 --> 00:55:36,098
He's on, he's on.
- What do you want, Dr. Evil?

764
00:55:36,266 --> 00:55:38,267
Mr. President, in 12 hours...

765
00:55:38,477 --> 00:55:42,730
...I will destroy Washington, D.C.
With this giant "laser."

766
00:55:44,149 --> 00:55:46,484
What the...? Jesus.

767
00:55:47,528 --> 00:55:48,862
Mini-Me.

768
00:55:49,030 --> 00:55:51,156
Stop humping the laser.

769
00:55:51,324 --> 00:55:52,991
Okay. Honest to God.

770
00:55:53,159 --> 00:55:57,829
Why don't you and the giant "laser"
get a fricking room, for God sakes?

771
00:55:58,539 --> 00:55:59,664
Mr. President.

772
00:55:59,832 --> 00:56:02,042
After I destroy Washington, D. C...

773
00:56:02,210 --> 00:56:05,796
...I will destroy another major city
every hour, on the hour.

774
00:56:05,963 --> 00:56:08,173
That is, unless, of course, you pay me...

775
00:56:09,550 --> 00:56:13,637
...one hundred billion dollars.

776
00:56:18,226 --> 00:56:21,103
Doctor Evil, this is 1969.

777
00:56:21,270 --> 00:56:24,022
That amount of money
doesn't even exist.

778
00:56:25,691 --> 00:56:29,903
That's like saying,
"I want a kajillion-bajillion dollars."

779
00:56:31,114 --> 00:56:33,073
Come on, Mr. President...

780
00:56:33,241 --> 00:56:35,367
...show me the money.

781
00:56:35,535 --> 00:56:36,785
Show you what money?

782
00:56:36,953 --> 00:56:39,704
"Show me the money!
Show me the money!"

783
00:56:39,872 --> 00:56:43,166
"You had me at 'hello."' Tear.
Nothing? No?

784
00:56:43,334 --> 00:56:46,254
Psst. It's 1969.

785
00:56:46,421 --> 00:56:49,382
Jerry Maguire won't even come out
for another 30 years.

786
00:56:49,675 --> 00:56:52,635
Nobody knows
what you're talking about, ass.

787
00:56:53,220 --> 00:56:56,848
Scott, Daddy's working. Okay?

788
00:56:57,015 --> 00:57:00,643
And when you're in the main chamber,
try and use the big-boy voice, okay?

789
00:57:01,353 --> 00:57:03,062
Thank you.

790
00:57:03,564 --> 00:57:05,982
Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate...

791
00:57:06,150 --> 00:57:09,569
...the awesome lethality
of the Alan Parsons Project.

792
00:57:09,736 --> 00:57:11,737
Fire the laser!

793
00:57:17,411 --> 00:57:19,579
Damage report! Damage report!

794
00:57:20,247 --> 00:57:23,416
It's okay. It's all right. Come on.

795
00:57:24,084 --> 00:57:27,253
Actually, that was just footage
from the movie Independence Day...

796
00:57:27,421 --> 00:57:30,173
...but the real laser
would be a lot like that. Yeah.

797
00:57:30,340 --> 00:57:31,424
Scary.

798
00:57:33,343 --> 00:57:34,510
Now, Dr. Evil...

799
00:57:34,678 --> 00:57:38,097
Talk to the hand, because the face
don't want to hear it anymore.

800
00:57:38,724 --> 00:57:40,767
What hand? Talk to your hand?

801
00:57:40,935 --> 00:57:43,854
You ain't all that
and a bag of potato chips.

802
00:57:44,022 --> 00:57:45,439
What are you talking about?

803
00:57:45,607 --> 00:57:48,942
Don't go there, girlfriend. Mm-hm.

804
00:57:49,694 --> 00:57:51,403
Whose girlfriend?

805
00:57:51,571 --> 00:57:53,739
Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mofo.

806
00:57:53,907 --> 00:57:57,576
I had to pop a cop because he
wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown.

807
00:57:57,744 --> 00:58:00,204
No? I heard that somewhere.

808
00:58:02,040 --> 00:58:03,290
You're an idiot.

809
00:58:04,459 --> 00:58:08,170
Mr. President,
I think we have an understanding.

810
00:58:08,338 --> 00:58:09,463
Bye-bye.

811
00:58:09,923 --> 00:58:13,550
Dr. Evil, what are our plans
regarding Austin Powers?

812
00:58:13,718 --> 00:58:18,096
Austin Powers?
He's the snake to my mongoose.

813
00:58:18,264 --> 00:58:20,933
Or the mongoose to my snake.

814
00:58:21,100 --> 00:58:24,811
Either way, it's bad.
I don't know animals.

815
00:58:24,979 --> 00:58:27,231
But I do know this:

816
00:58:27,398 --> 00:58:29,900
This time, it's personal.

817
00:58:30,652 --> 00:58:32,444
Kill him.

818
00:58:37,868 --> 00:58:39,994
There's Dr. Evil's island.

819
00:59:14,363 --> 00:59:15,363
Let's set up camp.

820
00:59:15,531 --> 00:59:19,117
Be careful with that bag.
There's explosives in it.

821
00:59:19,952 --> 00:59:22,620
This could be dangerous.

822
00:59:32,339 --> 00:59:36,218
What if God was one of us

823
00:59:36,845 --> 00:59:41,056
Just a slob like one of us

824
00:59:54,571 --> 00:59:56,113
Well done. Very good.

825
00:59:56,281 --> 00:59:58,907
Dr. Evil. That was fantastic.

826
00:59:59,075 --> 01:00:00,743
Thank you, Number Two.

827
01:00:00,910 --> 01:00:02,244
I wrote that. Yeah.

828
01:00:02,412 --> 01:00:05,414
Dad, he put this in my bed.

829
01:00:05,582 --> 01:00:08,292
- Who?
- Your stupid Mini-You.

830
01:00:08,460 --> 01:00:11,253
He put roadkill in my sheets!

831
01:00:11,671 --> 01:00:13,255
What...? Mini-Me.

832
01:00:13,423 --> 01:00:16,091
Don't you ever do that again!
You hear me?

833
01:00:16,259 --> 01:00:18,594
Don't you ever do that again!

834
01:00:19,220 --> 01:00:20,846
I can't stay mad at you.

835
01:00:21,014 --> 01:00:23,307
Look at that ponem.

836
01:00:24,309 --> 01:00:28,103
Dr. Evil's headquarters
is right over that next ridge.

837
01:00:28,271 --> 01:00:30,190
- Let me look.
- Yeah...

838
01:00:30,649 --> 01:00:32,567
Damn it. How do we get in?

839
01:00:32,735 --> 01:00:33,777
Hello, Mommy.

840
01:00:33,944 --> 01:00:37,113
Mommy, can I have some chocolates?
I want some Mars Bars.

841
01:00:37,281 --> 01:00:40,033
- Austin. Austin!
- Don't smack my bottom, Mommy!

842
01:00:41,410 --> 01:00:43,036
Sorry, love.

843
01:00:43,204 --> 01:00:46,039
I got stuck in your dirty pillows.

844
01:00:46,207 --> 01:00:48,083
Let's look at the map.

845
01:00:49,418 --> 01:00:50,710
Oh, great.

846
01:00:50,878 --> 01:00:54,506
What's our plan?
According to this map...

847
01:00:54,673 --> 01:00:57,467
...the entire island
is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards.

848
01:00:57,635 --> 01:01:00,970
I wanna make sure the explosives
didn't get wet, but I can't find them.

849
01:01:01,138 --> 01:01:03,098
Look in the bottom.

850
01:01:03,265 --> 01:01:05,892
Okay. I'll dig a little deeper.

851
01:01:06,060 --> 01:01:07,977
Wow, this bag is really full.

852
01:01:09,522 --> 01:01:11,272
Just keep digging, darling.

853
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:13,817
I'll just feel around for them.

854
01:01:16,987 --> 01:01:20,115
Good Lord, Austin. What sort of things
do you keep in here?

855
01:01:20,282 --> 01:01:23,660
Anything that catches my fancy.
My God.

856
01:01:23,828 --> 01:01:24,828
Give it a good tug.

857
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:28,499
Oh. Do we really need this?

858
01:01:28,667 --> 01:01:31,752
I'll ask you not to open that inside,
thank you very much, okay?

859
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,838
Oh, my God.

860
01:01:34,756 --> 01:01:36,841
Oops. It went off.
- Yes.

861
01:01:37,008 --> 01:01:38,676
It does that from time to time.

862
01:01:38,844 --> 01:01:40,136
Ugh! Yuck.

863
01:01:40,303 --> 01:01:41,345
Yeah, that's nasty.

864
01:01:42,681 --> 01:01:44,682
Yeah, sorry about that.

865
01:01:45,517 --> 01:01:46,517
Smelly.

866
01:01:46,685 --> 01:01:49,061
These people make me sick.

867
01:01:49,229 --> 01:01:51,188
Can you snap me a beer?

868
01:01:54,693 --> 01:01:56,318
Ah!
What is it?

869
01:01:56,486 --> 01:01:59,280
It's a gerbil.
How did that get in your bag?

870
01:02:01,867 --> 01:02:04,034
I don't know.

871
01:02:06,288 --> 01:02:08,038
Dr. Evil.

872
01:02:08,748 --> 01:02:11,500
We have a problem.
Austin Powers is on the island.

873
01:02:11,668 --> 01:02:13,419
Bring him to me...

874
01:02:13,837 --> 01:02:15,337
...alive.

875
01:02:16,590 --> 01:02:17,631
You.

876
01:02:17,799 --> 01:02:21,844
Hit it!
This is a very sensitive subject.

877
01:02:34,567 --> 01:02:36,234
Yeah.

878
01:02:38,654 --> 01:02:41,198
From the moment I heard Frau
Say I had a clone

879
01:02:41,365 --> 01:02:43,783
I knew that I'd be safe
'Cause I'd never be alone

880
01:02:43,951 --> 01:02:46,495
An evil doctor shouldn't speak
Aloud about his feelings

881
01:02:46,662 --> 01:02:48,830
My hurt and my pain
Don't make me too appealing

882
01:02:48,998 --> 01:02:51,416
I'd hoped Scott would look up to me

883
01:02:51,584 --> 01:02:54,169
Run the business of the family

884
01:02:54,337 --> 01:02:56,546
Head an evil empire
Just like his dear old dad

885
01:02:56,714 --> 01:02:58,924
Give him my love
And the things I never had

886
01:02:59,091 --> 01:03:01,510
Scott would think I was a cool guy

887
01:03:01,677 --> 01:03:04,012
Return the love I have
Make me want to cry

888
01:03:04,180 --> 01:03:06,890
Be evil but have my feelings too

889
01:03:07,058 --> 01:03:09,184
Change my life with Oprah
And Maya Angelou

890
01:03:09,352 --> 01:03:11,978
But Scott rejected me
C'est la vie

891
01:03:12,146 --> 01:03:14,231
Life is cruel
Treat you unfairly

892
01:03:14,398 --> 01:03:16,775
Even so
A God there must be

893
01:03:17,193 --> 01:03:19,236
Mini-Me, you complete me

894
01:03:22,783 --> 01:03:24,492
Yeah

895
01:03:26,203 --> 01:03:28,162
Just me and you

896
01:03:36,964 --> 01:03:38,256
You and I

897
01:03:50,769 --> 01:03:52,603
You've got this packed really tight.

898
01:03:53,689 --> 01:03:54,730
Are you okay?

899
01:03:54,898 --> 01:03:57,525
Yeah, I just got a bit of a back cramp,
that's all.

900
01:03:58,527 --> 01:04:00,486
Just keep packing it in.

901
01:04:00,654 --> 01:04:02,280
God.

902
01:04:02,447 --> 01:04:05,241
I found the explosives.
Help me check them.

903
01:04:05,409 --> 01:04:07,159
You're surrounded!
Drop your weapons!

904
01:04:08,203 --> 01:04:09,245
Hands up!

905
01:04:10,872 --> 01:04:12,582
Move out!

906
01:04:15,877 --> 01:04:18,130
Ladies and gentlemen,
in just a few moments...

907
01:04:18,298 --> 01:04:21,508
...we're gonna place a giant "laser"
on the moon.

908
01:04:21,676 --> 01:04:26,680
From my "death star,"
I will destroy every city on the planet.

909
01:04:26,848 --> 01:04:28,015
Get out of it!

910
01:04:29,601 --> 01:04:34,938
Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell,
welcome to my hollowed-out volcano.

911
01:04:35,106 --> 01:04:37,399
This is my associate, Fat Bastard.

912
01:04:37,567 --> 01:04:43,196
Felicity, I think you two may
have already "met."

913
01:04:43,364 --> 01:04:44,615
Unfortunately.

914
01:04:44,782 --> 01:04:48,619
Oh, is that all the thanks I get
for the night of hot sex?

915
01:04:49,203 --> 01:04:51,997
I'm dead sexy.

916
01:04:52,165 --> 01:04:53,373
You were crap.

917
01:04:54,876 --> 01:04:57,711
Yes. In your dreams.

918
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:05,302
Felicity would never sleep with you.

919
01:05:06,721 --> 01:05:08,055
Right?

920
01:05:08,514 --> 01:05:11,808
I did what I had to do. I'm a secret agent.

921
01:05:11,976 --> 01:05:13,561
What?

922
01:05:20,069 --> 01:05:22,487
All right, that's enough, Fat Bastard.

923
01:05:22,655 --> 01:05:26,366
As much as I like seeing Powers
in agony, and I do...

924
01:05:26,533 --> 01:05:29,410
...the thought of you naked is just gross.

925
01:05:29,912 --> 01:05:32,413
You can't stop me now, Mr. Powers.

926
01:05:32,915 --> 01:05:34,666
I have your mojo.

927
01:05:34,833 --> 01:05:37,752
- My mojo...
- And I'm taking it with me to the moon.

928
01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:40,546
Put them in the jail cell!

929
01:05:40,923 --> 01:05:44,842
My mojo!
I'll get you, Dr. Evil, I'll get you!

930
01:05:45,010 --> 01:05:47,595
Oh, look at me,
I'm shaking in my little space boots.

931
01:05:47,763 --> 01:05:49,597
I want my mojo!

932
01:05:49,765 --> 01:05:53,101
- Give back my mojo! I'll get you, Dr. Evil.
- Great plan, Einstein.

933
01:05:53,268 --> 01:05:56,854
Well, you're gonna put them in a cell
with one inept guard and they'll escape.

934
01:05:57,022 --> 01:05:59,357
God, you do this every time.

935
01:06:00,859 --> 01:06:02,985
You know, Scott...

936
01:06:03,153 --> 01:06:05,113
...I've been a fricking evil doctor...

937
01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:08,991
...for 30 fricking years, okay?

938
01:06:09,159 --> 01:06:11,745
Cut me some fricking slack.

939
01:06:12,330 --> 01:06:14,081
You forget, Scott.

940
01:06:14,249 --> 01:06:16,250
We're in a volcano.

941
01:06:16,418 --> 01:06:19,545
We're surrounded by liquid-hot magma.

942
01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:23,132
What are you drawing?

943
01:06:25,301 --> 01:06:28,178
It's just a goodbye card, that's all.

944
01:06:29,139 --> 01:06:31,014
It's sweet.

945
01:06:38,982 --> 01:06:40,816
Hey, back off.
- Get him! Get the baby!

946
01:06:40,984 --> 01:06:43,277
- Back off!
Simmer down. Simmer down.

947
01:06:43,445 --> 01:06:45,154
Get in there! Gnaw on him!

948
01:06:45,321 --> 01:06:47,156
He's my posse.

949
01:06:47,741 --> 01:06:48,782
Okay.

950
01:06:48,950 --> 01:06:51,493
You take special care of him.

951
01:06:51,661 --> 01:06:53,746
He's my special boy.

952
01:06:53,913 --> 01:06:55,330
Attention.

953
01:06:55,498 --> 01:06:56,999
Prepare for launch.

954
01:06:58,835 --> 01:07:03,172
Repeat, all technicians
to launch positions.

955
01:07:03,339 --> 01:07:05,007
Gentlemen...

956
01:07:05,175 --> 01:07:07,802
...I'm about to go to the moon.

957
01:07:07,970 --> 01:07:11,389
Initiate prelaunch sequence.

958
01:07:11,557 --> 01:07:14,184
Main rocket engine ignition...

959
01:07:14,351 --> 01:07:17,187
Frau. Begin the countdown.

960
01:07:17,354 --> 01:07:19,147
Five! Four!

961
01:07:19,315 --> 01:07:21,107
- Three! Two...
- Frau.

962
01:07:21,275 --> 01:07:23,026
Begin the countdown at 30.

963
01:07:24,904 --> 01:07:25,945
Thirty!

964
01:07:26,113 --> 01:07:30,492
Twenty-nine, 28, 27...

965
01:07:30,659 --> 01:07:32,827
...twenty-six, 25...

966
01:07:33,454 --> 01:07:36,331
...twenty-four, 23...

967
01:07:36,499 --> 01:07:39,667
...twenty-two, 21...

968
01:07:39,835 --> 01:07:42,045
...twenty, 19...

969
01:07:42,213 --> 01:07:43,630
...eighteen...

970
01:07:43,798 --> 01:07:47,008
...seventeen, 16...

971
01:07:47,176 --> 01:07:50,512
...fifteen, 14, 13...

972
01:07:50,679 --> 01:07:55,725
You know what?
When the doors close, just say "go." Better.

973
01:08:00,397 --> 01:08:02,190
Go!

974
01:08:31,972 --> 01:08:34,098
Colonel, you better take a look
at this radar.

975
01:08:35,809 --> 01:08:37,434
What is it, son?

976
01:08:37,602 --> 01:08:40,187
I don't know, sir,
but it looks like a giant...

977
01:08:40,355 --> 01:08:41,689
- Dick.
Yeah?

978
01:08:41,857 --> 01:08:43,190
Take a look out of starboard.

979
01:08:43,358 --> 01:08:46,610
Oh, my God! It looks like a huge...

980
01:08:46,778 --> 01:08:48,529
- Pecker!
- Where?

981
01:08:48,697 --> 01:08:51,365
Wait, that's not a woodpecker.
It looks like someone's...

982
01:08:51,533 --> 01:08:52,616
Privates!

983
01:08:52,784 --> 01:08:55,703
We have reports
of an unidentified flying object!

984
01:08:55,871 --> 01:08:59,290
It is a long, smooth shaft,
complete with...

985
01:08:59,457 --> 01:09:00,625
Two balls!

986
01:09:00,793 --> 01:09:02,294
What is that?

987
01:09:02,461 --> 01:09:04,087
That looks just like an enormous...

988
01:09:04,255 --> 01:09:05,589
Wang! Pay attention.

989
01:09:06,090 --> 01:09:08,717
I was distracted by that enormous flying...

990
01:09:08,885 --> 01:09:10,093
- Willie.
- Yeah?

991
01:09:10,261 --> 01:09:11,845
What's that?

992
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:14,139
Well, it looks like a giant...

993
01:09:14,307 --> 01:09:15,640
- Johnson.
- Yes, sir.

994
01:09:15,808 --> 01:09:19,185
Get on the horn to British intelligence
and let them know about this.

995
01:09:35,494 --> 01:09:36,995
What do we do?

996
01:09:37,163 --> 01:09:39,789
Why don't you just shag
Fat Bastard again?

997
01:09:39,957 --> 01:09:41,833
Austin, this is no time to get jealous.

998
01:09:42,001 --> 01:09:44,836
- Well, how could you do it?
- I was just doing my job.

999
01:09:45,004 --> 01:09:47,172
No, I mean literally. How could you do it?

1000
01:09:47,340 --> 01:09:50,300
The man's so fat, the sheer mechanics
of it are mind-boggling.

1001
01:09:50,468 --> 01:09:54,095
Look, don't try to lay your hang-ups on me
just because you lost your mojo.

1002
01:09:54,847 --> 01:09:56,766
Ouch, baby.

1003
01:09:56,934 --> 01:09:59,018
Very ouch.

1004
01:09:59,186 --> 01:10:01,479
Look, Austin, we're running out of time.

1005
01:10:02,022 --> 01:10:03,105
I'm sorry.

1006
01:10:04,691 --> 01:10:07,485
I just did what I thought you would do
in the same situation.

1007
01:10:08,862 --> 01:10:11,030
You're the reason that I became a spy.

1008
01:10:12,282 --> 01:10:14,867
I thought that I wanted to be you...

1009
01:10:15,035 --> 01:10:17,244
...but then I realized...

1010
01:10:18,163 --> 01:10:20,206
...that I wanna be with you.

1011
01:10:20,624 --> 01:10:22,166
You do?

1012
01:10:22,542 --> 01:10:24,168
Yeah.

1013
01:10:24,795 --> 01:10:25,878
Hang on, baby.

1014
01:10:26,046 --> 01:10:27,672
Ally-oop!

1015
01:10:29,174 --> 01:10:31,050
Look, maybe we
should talk about this later.

1016
01:10:31,218 --> 01:10:33,094
We need to get past that inept guard.

1017
01:10:33,261 --> 01:10:34,387
Right. Here's the plan.

1018
01:10:34,554 --> 01:10:37,056
I pretend to be desperately ill
with food poisoning.

1019
01:10:37,224 --> 01:10:40,351
The guard, drawn by my cries of pain,
comes to investigate.

1020
01:10:40,519 --> 01:10:42,019
Meanwhile, you dig a pit...

1021
01:10:42,187 --> 01:10:45,272
...line it with punji sticks
made from sharpened toothbrushes.

1022
01:10:45,440 --> 01:10:48,985
The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle,
we escape. What do you think?

1023
01:10:49,152 --> 01:10:51,946
That might work, but what about this?

1024
01:10:53,157 --> 01:10:56,493
- What do you think of these, my man?
- Mommy!

1025
01:11:02,834 --> 01:11:05,502
What a burn.

1026
01:11:07,380 --> 01:11:10,173
That sort of thing could get a man...

1027
01:11:10,341 --> 01:11:12,092
...fired.

1028
01:11:13,428 --> 01:11:15,971
I think he was hot...

1029
01:11:16,139 --> 01:11:18,515
...for you.

1030
01:11:18,683 --> 01:11:20,934
- That's enough.
- Yeah.

1031
01:11:26,399 --> 01:11:28,108
Ladies and gentlemen...

1032
01:11:28,276 --> 01:11:30,861
...welcome to my moon base.

1033
01:11:31,738 --> 01:11:36,033
You've all been chosen
to be part of my elite moon unit...

1034
01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:38,702
...which is divided into two divisions:

1035
01:11:38,870 --> 01:11:43,123
Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa.

1036
01:11:43,291 --> 01:11:48,086
In exactly six hours, the moon
will move in its orbit around the Earth...

1037
01:11:48,254 --> 01:11:50,798
...bringing Washington, D. C...

1038
01:11:50,966 --> 01:11:54,469
...within range of my giant "laser."

1039
01:11:54,636 --> 01:11:58,806
Begin "laser" ignition sequence.

1040
01:11:58,974 --> 01:12:01,309
Begin laser ignition!

1041
01:12:02,853 --> 01:12:07,148
Attention.
Moon Unit Zappa to firing stations.

1042
01:12:07,483 --> 01:12:10,026
Initiation sequence in progress.

1043
01:12:10,194 --> 01:12:11,903
Okay. All right.

1044
01:12:12,071 --> 01:12:14,655
Gravity boost to EMS.
Steady at full power.

1045
01:12:14,823 --> 01:12:18,242
All I asked for
was a fricking rotating chair, okay?

1046
01:12:18,410 --> 01:12:19,869
Oh, okay.

1047
01:12:20,037 --> 01:12:24,332
Okay, okay. Getting a little afraid.

1048
01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:27,668
I need an old priest and a young priest.

1049
01:12:27,836 --> 01:12:30,671
The power of Christ compels you!

1050
01:12:30,839 --> 01:12:35,301
The power of Christ compels you!
Whoa, hello.

1051
01:12:35,469 --> 01:12:40,848
Okay. Sick as a dog now.

1052
01:12:41,016 --> 01:12:44,352
- Okay. Okay.
Get him a bucket.

1053
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:46,188
Gonna vom.

1054
01:12:54,155 --> 01:12:57,533
We need to hitch a ride
to the moon, baby.

1055
01:12:57,951 --> 01:13:02,162
Apollo 11 is good to go.
Crew to all stations.

1056
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:08,377
We will have liftoff
in T-minus five seconds. Four...

1057
01:13:08,545 --> 01:13:10,462
...three... two...

1058
01:13:12,090 --> 01:13:13,715
We have liftoff!

1059
01:13:13,883 --> 01:13:16,468
Apollo 11 has cleared the tower
and is heading for...

1060
01:13:16,636 --> 01:13:18,095
...a rendezvous with the moon.

1061
01:13:27,272 --> 01:13:30,023
Arm the "laser."

1062
01:13:30,525 --> 01:13:32,234
Arming the laser!

1063
01:13:32,402 --> 01:13:35,195
Attention, arming the death star.

1064
01:13:35,363 --> 01:13:37,865
- Battle stations.
Laser armed!

1065
01:13:38,032 --> 01:13:40,993
All crew prepare for ready battle stations.

1066
01:13:41,161 --> 01:13:43,079
Get me the president.

1067
01:13:43,998 --> 01:13:46,249
You're gonna like this part, Mini-Me.

1068
01:13:46,417 --> 01:13:48,918
This is the part
where we threaten the world leader.

1069
01:13:49,086 --> 01:13:51,880
I know we do it every time.
However, it is important to...

1070
01:13:55,759 --> 01:13:57,510
Mini-Me?

1071
01:13:58,345 --> 01:14:01,097
Mini-Me, where are you?

1072
01:14:01,265 --> 01:14:05,059
Can someone put a fricking bell on him
or something?

1073
01:14:06,937 --> 01:14:07,937
Great.

1074
01:14:08,105 --> 01:14:10,273
Somebody get the stick.

1075
01:14:11,817 --> 01:14:14,360
Just grab on to the hook, all right?

1076
01:14:14,528 --> 01:14:16,613
You complete me.

1077
01:14:16,780 --> 01:14:18,615
I love you.

1078
01:14:19,450 --> 01:14:20,783
Hang in there, Mini-Me.

1079
01:14:20,951 --> 01:14:25,246
If anything should happen to you,
I don't know what I would do.

1080
01:14:25,414 --> 01:14:28,124
I'd probably move on
and get another replica...

1081
01:14:28,292 --> 01:14:32,462
...but there'd be a 10-minute period there
when I would just be inconsolable.

1082
01:14:32,922 --> 01:14:35,048
We have your money, but it wasn't easy.

1083
01:14:35,216 --> 01:14:37,592
Papa has to do some work, okay?

1084
01:14:37,760 --> 01:14:40,888
Well, you have exactly 30 minutes
to get it to me.

1085
01:14:44,976 --> 01:14:46,268
Jiminy German Jesus!

1086
01:14:46,436 --> 01:14:49,146
I can't believe
we're gonna pay that madman.

1087
01:14:49,314 --> 01:14:52,650
I got nukes out the yin-yang.
Just let me launch one, for chrissake!

1088
01:14:52,817 --> 01:14:57,738
Sir! Are you suggesting
that we blow up the moon?

1089
01:14:57,906 --> 01:15:00,741
Would you miss it?

1090
01:15:04,996 --> 01:15:06,163
Mission control...

1091
01:15:06,331 --> 01:15:09,667
...the swinger has landed, yeah.

1092
01:15:10,919 --> 01:15:13,170
Airlock open.

1093
01:15:16,800 --> 01:15:18,008
Repressurize.

1094
01:15:18,176 --> 01:15:19,927
- Let's find Dr. Evil.
- Yeah.

1095
01:15:20,095 --> 01:15:23,013
Enjoy your stay on the moon.

1096
01:15:23,306 --> 01:15:24,348
Hello, hello.

1097
01:15:25,850 --> 01:15:27,518
There he is.

1098
01:15:30,021 --> 01:15:33,649
- I'll cover your rear.
- No, you go ahead.

1099
01:15:33,900 --> 01:15:36,194
This time, it's personal.

1100
01:16:41,595 --> 01:16:45,222
No more! I can't take it anymore!

1101
01:16:45,849 --> 01:16:46,932
Peace?

1102
01:16:47,934 --> 01:16:52,021
You brought my glasses.
Bless your little heart.

1103
01:16:53,273 --> 01:16:55,191
That's not right, that's...

1104
01:16:56,193 --> 01:17:00,029
Oh, don't, that's just... Now I'm pissed!

1105
01:17:00,197 --> 01:17:01,447
Judo flip!

1106
01:17:10,248 --> 01:17:12,124
Poor little bugger.

1107
01:17:12,292 --> 01:17:13,959
He's so small.

1108
01:17:14,127 --> 01:17:16,796
He's like a dog or something.

1109
01:17:17,297 --> 01:17:19,548
Poor little bugger.

1110
01:17:26,765 --> 01:17:29,601
Get off! Off!

1111
01:17:40,279 --> 01:17:41,822
Okay.

1112
01:17:44,158 --> 01:17:46,827
Oh! Oh! Get out of my suit!

1113
01:17:48,162 --> 01:17:50,872
It tickles. Oh, it tickles. No.

1114
01:17:55,461 --> 01:17:56,670
Gotcha.

1115
01:18:24,657 --> 01:18:26,033
Poor little bugger.

1116
01:18:26,869 --> 01:18:28,619
I salute you.

1117
01:18:38,255 --> 01:18:39,714
All right, slap-head.

1118
01:18:39,882 --> 01:18:41,549
Turn around.

1119
01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:44,385
Where's my mojo?

1120
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:47,680
Well, it looks like you have a choice,
Mr. Powers:

1121
01:18:47,848 --> 01:18:49,515
Save the world...

1122
01:18:50,017 --> 01:18:51,851
...or save your girlfriend.

1123
01:18:52,019 --> 01:18:54,687
- Austin!
- Felicity!

1124
01:18:54,855 --> 01:18:56,564
Don't worry about me, Austin!

1125
01:18:56,732 --> 01:18:58,232
You've gotta save the world!

1126
01:18:59,568 --> 01:19:01,194
Kill him!

1127
01:19:03,822 --> 01:19:05,072
Fire the "laser"!

1128
01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:06,240
Target locking.

1129
01:19:08,327 --> 01:19:11,078
Laser set to full fatality.

1130
01:19:11,830 --> 01:19:13,581
Judo kick!

1131
01:19:16,084 --> 01:19:18,377
Target missed.
Mojo in trouble now.

1132
01:19:18,587 --> 01:19:22,758
You may have won the battle, Mr. Powers,
but you lost the war.

1133
01:19:22,926 --> 01:19:26,011
No! No, no!

1134
01:19:26,179 --> 01:19:29,348
Felicity! Wake up, Felicity, wake up!

1135
01:19:35,063 --> 01:19:37,231
I love you, Felicity.

1136
01:19:37,398 --> 01:19:38,440
I love you.

1137
01:19:39,567 --> 01:19:41,693
Dr. Evil! I'll kill him!

1138
01:19:46,574 --> 01:19:48,367
Gotcha!

1139
01:19:53,915 --> 01:19:58,460
Ow! You shot me, you A-hole.

1140
01:19:58,628 --> 01:20:01,797
And now I'm going to kill you.

1141
01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:05,300
Before you do that...

1142
01:20:07,303 --> 01:20:09,555
...know this:

1143
01:20:11,099 --> 01:20:13,058
Austin...

1144
01:20:17,021 --> 01:20:19,983
...I am your father.

1145
01:20:21,402 --> 01:20:23,152
Really?

1146
01:20:24,446 --> 01:20:27,574
No, not really. I can't back that up.

1147
01:20:28,242 --> 01:20:30,827
Right. Idiot. Yes.

1148
01:20:30,995 --> 01:20:35,873
But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers,
that you would rather kill me...

1149
01:20:36,041 --> 01:20:38,918
...than save your precious Felicity?

1150
01:20:39,086 --> 01:20:40,670
What do you mean?

1151
01:20:40,838 --> 01:20:45,341
Remember, there's a time portal
in the main chamber.

1152
01:20:45,509 --> 01:20:48,177
You could go back and save her.

1153
01:20:48,345 --> 01:20:49,846
I'll do that.

1154
01:20:54,685 --> 01:20:56,436
Felicity!

1155
01:20:57,271 --> 01:20:58,354
Good work.

1156
01:21:00,357 --> 01:21:02,317
Good work!

1157
01:21:04,862 --> 01:21:05,987
Good work!

1158
01:21:22,297 --> 01:21:25,257
Well, it looks like you have a choice,
Mr. Powers:

1159
01:21:25,425 --> 01:21:27,134
Save the world...

1160
01:21:27,302 --> 01:21:28,969
...or save your girlfriend.

1161
01:21:29,137 --> 01:21:30,888
- Austin!
- Felicity!

1162
01:21:31,056 --> 01:21:34,058
Don't worry about me, Austin!
You've gotta save the world!

1163
01:21:36,227 --> 01:21:38,228
I choose love, baby!

1164
01:21:38,396 --> 01:21:39,855
Wait a tick.

1165
01:21:40,023 --> 01:21:43,484
- Who are you?
- I'm you, ten minutes from now.

1166
01:21:43,818 --> 01:21:45,778
Damn it, you are handsome.

1167
01:21:47,322 --> 01:21:48,739
I was just thinking the same.

1168
01:21:50,575 --> 01:21:52,576
We are sexy.

1169
01:21:52,744 --> 01:21:55,663
We are sexy bitches, yeah.

1170
01:21:55,830 --> 01:21:59,833
All right, this is ri-goddamn-diculous.
Kill them both!

1171
01:22:03,588 --> 01:22:05,255
Fire the "laser."

1172
01:22:05,423 --> 01:22:06,465
Thank you.

1173
01:22:06,633 --> 01:22:08,759
Fire the "laser"!

1174
01:22:08,927 --> 01:22:10,260
Listen, Past Austin.

1175
01:22:10,428 --> 01:22:12,764
Can you save the world
while I go get the girl?

1176
01:22:12,932 --> 01:22:15,266
Sure, Austin-From-10-Minutes-From-Now.

1177
01:22:15,434 --> 01:22:17,394
Target locking.

1178
01:22:18,145 --> 01:22:21,189
Laser set to full fatality.

1179
01:22:25,277 --> 01:22:26,695
Ah! Target missed.

1180
01:22:26,862 --> 01:22:29,906
Come on, come on.
You're all right. Yeah, come on.

1181
01:22:30,449 --> 01:22:32,951
- You all right? Are you okay?
- Yeah.

1182
01:22:35,162 --> 01:22:39,416
Say, what's the policy on ménage à trois?

1183
01:22:39,792 --> 01:22:42,085
You are adorable.

1184
01:22:42,837 --> 01:22:43,878
Yes.

1185
01:22:44,714 --> 01:22:47,132
Looking for this, Mr. Powers?

1186
01:22:48,050 --> 01:22:50,135
My mojo.

1187
01:22:50,636 --> 01:22:54,597
Self-destruct in two minutes and counting.

1188
01:22:58,436 --> 01:23:00,979
- No!
- No!

1189
01:23:03,774 --> 01:23:04,816
Watch out!

1190
01:23:15,328 --> 01:23:17,621
See you in hell, Powers!

1191
01:23:19,624 --> 01:23:21,333
No, my...

1192
01:23:21,501 --> 01:23:23,878
Okay,
Austin-From-10-Minutes-From-Now.

1193
01:23:24,045 --> 01:23:27,131
This place is gonna blow!
Let's go! Come on!

1194
01:23:31,344 --> 01:23:34,597
Self-destruct in 30 seconds and counting.

1195
01:23:34,765 --> 01:23:36,974
- Twenty-nine.
- No!

1196
01:23:37,142 --> 01:23:39,018
- Let's go!
- No! My mojo!

1197
01:23:39,186 --> 01:23:42,104
- We have to go now!
- My mojo! I'm useless without it!

1198
01:23:42,272 --> 01:23:45,191
- You don't need it, you've had it all along.
- What do you mean?

1199
01:23:45,358 --> 01:23:49,779
You defeated Dr. Evil, saved the world,
and, believe me, you're gonna get the girl.

1200
01:23:50,489 --> 01:23:51,614
Well.

1201
01:23:54,534 --> 01:23:57,203
Yeah. All right, then. Maybe later.
Yeah, come on.

1202
01:24:00,791 --> 01:24:01,957
Go!

1203
01:24:02,876 --> 01:24:05,044
I'll set the controls for 1967.

1204
01:24:06,339 --> 01:24:09,549
Felicity, why don't you come with me
to 1999?

1205
01:24:09,717 --> 01:24:12,010
Well, I don't know.
The '60s were just so groovy.

1206
01:24:12,178 --> 01:24:14,638
I wanna to see what happens
in the '70s and '80s.

1207
01:24:14,806 --> 01:24:16,515
The '70s and the '80s?

1208
01:24:16,682 --> 01:24:19,100
You're not missing anything.
I looked into it.

1209
01:24:19,268 --> 01:24:24,356
There's a gas shortage
and A Flock of Seagulls. That's about it.

1210
01:24:27,151 --> 01:24:28,235
Let's go!

1211
01:24:50,007 --> 01:24:51,383
I love you, Austin Powers.

1212
01:24:51,551 --> 01:24:54,052
And I love you, Felicity Shagwell.

1213
01:24:54,679 --> 01:24:56,263
Wherever we go...

1214
01:24:56,430 --> 01:24:58,223
There we are.

1215
01:25:01,060 --> 01:25:02,645
Special delivery.

1216
01:25:04,314 --> 01:25:07,775
Ah! Surprise, surprise!

1217
01:25:09,736 --> 01:25:10,945
Listen, missy.

1218
01:25:11,572 --> 01:25:13,823
Do you fancy another go?

1219
01:25:13,991 --> 01:25:18,202
Because once you've had fat,
you never go back.

1220
01:25:18,370 --> 01:25:21,831
You shut your mouth, you bastard...

1221
01:25:23,166 --> 01:25:24,542
...who is fat.

1222
01:25:24,710 --> 01:25:25,793
That's right, yeah.

1223
01:25:25,961 --> 01:25:29,547
Before you kill us,
let me ask you one question:

1224
01:25:29,715 --> 01:25:33,426
- Are you happy?
- What kind of stupid-ass question is that?

1225
01:25:33,594 --> 01:25:37,263
I'm rich and I'm dead sexy!

1226
01:25:39,391 --> 01:25:41,225
Yeah.

1227
01:25:44,771 --> 01:25:47,982
Well, you didn't answer my question.
Are you happy?

1228
01:25:48,400 --> 01:25:50,318
Of course I'm not happy.

1229
01:25:50,485 --> 01:25:53,195
Look at me. I'm a big, fat slob.

1230
01:25:53,363 --> 01:25:55,740
I've got bigger titties than you do.

1231
01:25:55,908 --> 01:25:59,828
I've got more chins
than a Chinese phone book!

1232
01:25:59,996 --> 01:26:02,164
I've not seen my willy in two years...

1233
01:26:02,332 --> 01:26:06,668
...which is long enough
to declare it legally dead!

1234
01:26:08,504 --> 01:26:11,840
I can't stop eating.

1235
01:26:12,508 --> 01:26:14,593
I eat because I'm unhappy.

1236
01:26:18,014 --> 01:26:21,016
And I'm unhappy because I eat.

1237
01:26:21,184 --> 01:26:23,268
It's a vicious cycle.

1238
01:26:23,853 --> 01:26:25,854
If you'll excuse me...

1239
01:26:26,022 --> 01:26:29,691
...there's someone I have
to get in touch with and forgive.

1240
01:26:30,944 --> 01:26:32,819
Myself.

1241
01:26:36,991 --> 01:26:38,825
Oh, God.

1242
01:26:39,535 --> 01:26:41,870
Sorry. I farted.

1243
01:26:43,790 --> 01:26:46,041
It's a long road ahead.

1244
01:26:48,294 --> 01:26:49,878
Oh, who am I kidding?

1245
01:26:50,046 --> 01:26:51,880
I'm gonna kill you anyway.

1246
01:26:52,048 --> 01:26:53,215
Judo chop!

1247
01:26:54,717 --> 01:26:58,221
Right in the mommy-daddy button!

1248
01:26:58,389 --> 01:27:00,890
That's for calling me crap, you fatty.

1249
01:27:11,068 --> 01:27:13,528
Listen, baby,
I don't care if he is a fat bastard.

1250
01:27:13,696 --> 01:27:18,199
You don't give a man a shot in the pills.
It's just not cricket.

1251
01:27:19,201 --> 01:27:21,202
Do you think I'll be happy
here in the '90s?

1252
01:27:21,370 --> 01:27:24,664
Well, I know the '90s
might sound boring...

1253
01:27:24,832 --> 01:27:26,958
...but as far as I'm concerned...

1254
01:27:27,126 --> 01:27:30,962
...I've brought the best part of the '60s
back with me:

1255
01:27:31,797 --> 01:27:32,922
You.

1256
01:27:33,882 --> 01:27:36,092
- Wait a minute.
- Where are you going?

1257
01:28:22,724 --> 01:28:24,475
Did we get Dr. Evil?

1258
01:28:24,642 --> 01:28:27,394
No, sir. He got away in that rocket
that looks like a huge...

1259
01:28:27,562 --> 01:28:31,190
Penis. The male reproductive organ.

1260
01:28:31,357 --> 01:28:34,485
Also known as tallywhacker, schlong or...

1261
01:28:34,652 --> 01:28:35,778
Wiener?

1262
01:28:35,945 --> 01:28:37,863
Any of you kids want another wiener?

1263
01:28:38,031 --> 01:28:39,990
Dad, what's that?

1264
01:28:40,158 --> 01:28:43,077
I don't know, son, but it's got great big...

1265
01:28:43,244 --> 01:28:46,830
Nuts! Hot, salty nuts!
Who wants some...?

1266
01:28:46,998 --> 01:28:48,207
Lord almighty!

1267
01:28:48,374 --> 01:28:50,168
That looks just like my husband's...

1268
01:28:50,336 --> 01:28:54,672
One-eyed monster!
Step right up and see the one-eyed monster!

1269
01:28:57,635 --> 01:28:59,969
Hey, what's that? It looks like a big...

1270
01:29:00,137 --> 01:29:01,221
Woody?

1271
01:29:01,388 --> 01:29:03,723
Woody Harrelson?
Can I have your autograph?

1272
01:29:03,891 --> 01:29:05,892
Sure, no problem.

1273
01:29:06,060 --> 01:29:08,269
Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing.

1274
01:29:08,437 --> 01:29:09,771
It's so big.

1275
01:29:09,939 --> 01:29:11,356
I've seen bigger. That's...

1276
01:29:11,524 --> 01:29:13,650
Just a little prick.

1277
01:29:13,818 --> 01:29:15,318
It's a flu shot.

1278
01:29:15,486 --> 01:29:19,322
You've been in the coldness of space.
I don't want you to get sick.

1279
01:29:19,490 --> 01:29:24,661
It's one thing to attack me.
It's quite another to attack my Mini-Me.

1280
01:29:24,829 --> 01:29:27,580
I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.

1281
01:29:27,748 --> 01:29:29,541
I'm gonna get you.

1282
01:29:47,769 --> 01:29:48,811
Thank you.

1283
01:29:48,979 --> 01:29:51,981
We're doing a follow-up to a segment
we did several months ago...

1284
01:29:52,149 --> 01:29:54,900
...on fathers who are trying
to take over the world.

1285
01:29:55,527 --> 01:29:57,486
Let's begin with Scott Evil.

1286
01:30:00,782 --> 01:30:02,199
What's going on with your dad?

1287
01:30:02,367 --> 01:30:06,370
Well, my dad tried to take over the world
with a giant laser on the moon.

1288
01:30:07,789 --> 01:30:08,831
I know.

1289
01:30:08,999 --> 01:30:12,084
- Well, Scott, we have a surprise for you.
- What? My dad?

1290
01:30:12,252 --> 01:30:14,712
No, it's not your father. It's your mother.

1291
01:30:14,880 --> 01:30:16,422
Come on out.

1292
01:30:18,091 --> 01:30:20,092
Mom, mom, mom.

1293
01:30:20,260 --> 01:30:23,262
Mom, mom, mom.

1294
01:30:23,430 --> 01:30:24,555
Mom?

1295
01:30:25,015 --> 01:30:29,059
Scott, you are my love child
with Dr. Evil.

1296
01:30:29,603 --> 01:30:31,770
I thought I was a test-tube baby.

1297
01:30:31,938 --> 01:30:34,982
He lies. All lies!

1298
01:30:36,234 --> 01:30:37,818
I love you, Mom.

1299
01:30:38,945 --> 01:30:40,821
I love you too, son.

1300
01:30:46,787 --> 01:30:47,787
Thank you.

1301
01:30:47,955 --> 01:30:50,665
You know,
what have we learned here today?

1302
01:30:50,833 --> 01:30:54,753
Perhaps it's that no one
can take your mojo.

1303
01:30:54,921 --> 01:30:56,004
You can look around...

1304
01:30:56,172 --> 01:30:58,965
...but what you're really trying to find
is on the inside.

1305
01:31:00,760 --> 01:31:03,345
Take care of yourself, and each other.

1306
01:31:10,311 --> 01:31:12,854
I think I'm going to like it in the '90s.

1307
01:31:13,022 --> 01:31:17,108
I never knew it could be this way.
Oh, baby! Baby, baby!

1308
01:31:17,276 --> 01:31:18,818
Oh, no.

1309
01:31:21,989 --> 01:31:24,658
- Oh, that's good.
- Felicity.

1310
01:31:27,161 --> 01:31:29,329
- Austin?
- How could you?

1311
01:31:29,497 --> 01:31:30,997
I thought that...

1312
01:31:32,041 --> 01:31:33,667
Past Austin?

1313
01:31:35,253 --> 01:31:37,087
Technically, it's not cheating, baby.

1314
01:31:37,255 --> 01:31:40,091
Well, Felicity, I can't blame you.

1315
01:31:40,842 --> 01:31:43,052
The man is handsome, baby.

1316
01:31:43,220 --> 01:31:45,680
We're just plain handsome, man.

1317
01:31:45,847 --> 01:31:48,516
Am I wrong,
but this makes me horny, baby?

1318
01:31:48,684 --> 01:31:50,726
Very randy!

1319
01:31:51,395 --> 01:31:55,731
Well, one thing's for sure:
I've got my mojo back.

1320
01:31:55,899 --> 01:31:59,652
Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's definitely back.

1321
01:31:59,820 --> 01:32:01,487
Hello, you all right?

1322
01:32:02,864 --> 01:32:05,032
Me spuds are boiling.

1323
01:32:08,245 --> 01:32:11,622
Come on, darling, let's hop on
the good foot and do the bad thing.

1324
01:32:11,790 --> 01:32:14,375
Paging Dr. Freud.

1325
01:34:36,855 --> 01:34:39,857
Hello, up there. Is the movie over?

1326
01:34:40,024 --> 01:34:43,235
I'm still down here
and I'm still in quite a lot of pain.

1327
01:34:43,403 --> 01:34:45,863
Maybe someone in the lobby
could call an ambulance.

1328
01:34:46,030 --> 01:34:48,907
Oh! The pain is really quite severe.

1329
01:34:49,075 --> 01:34:51,952
I've fashioned a makeshift splint.
Here goes nothing.