Bird Pone Thread: Blu (Discontinued)

>My name is Blu
>I am a Crossbreed
>Simply put, my mom was a Pegasus and my dad was a griffon
>My dad had the pattern, my mom gave me the colors and wings
>That in turn, made me look like a Bluebird
>Hence my name
>...My parents aren't that imaginative
>I don't exactly have any special talent- or Cutie Mark, for that matter, but I believe that was once again, courtesy of my father
>As of now, I'm currently living in Ponyville
>Well, "living" probably isn't the right word
>I don't exactly go outside a lot
>Simply because there isn't anything worth leaving my house for
>I write stories, get letters from my readers, and write some more, simple as that
>In fact, somepony asked me to create this simple, I guess, diary of my life as of now
>Why someone would ask of such a thing, I'm not sure; my life isn't as exciting as the few stories I've written, or the games I've tried to play
>Anon's stupid machine apparently isn't built to accommodate hooves
>I still managed to get pretty far in Skyrim, though
>I stayed up for hours playing that thing

>...Geez, I really have a problem.
>"Rise and shine, Blu!"
>Ugh, speaking of Anon...
>He was the town's resident alien thing. He got here through some scary magic or something and brought loads of things back with him during that.
>Luckily though, instead of eating everypony's faces, he made friends of them.
>He spotted me lying in what was once my nest, and offered to let me stay in Ponyville.
>That day it was rather cold, and a house was perfect for keeping nice, warm, and comfortable.
>Looking back on it, if he would've built me a better nest instead of a cozy room, I'd still probably be an outside pony.
>He seemed like he wanted to change that, even though it was him that did it in the first place.
>"Wow, you really need some light in here!"
>Anon, don't you dare pull the damn curtai-
"HISSSSS! CLOSE IT!!"

>"Wow, you REALLY need to get out more."
>Screw you.
>"Seriously? Hiding in the blankets? Come on."
"Shut up. Let me sleep."
>"It's two in the afternoon!"
"Then let me sleep more!"
>Anon sighs.
>I hear footsteps.
>Good, he's leavi-
>"HEEERE'S JOHNNY!"
"Hey, HEY! Give me back my blanket!!"
>"You want the blanket?"
>He opens the window.
>No, Anon, don't you DAR-
>"Go get it!"
>-Dang.
>Eh, who needs blankets anyways?
>You can sleep just fine without them.
>"Ugh, Blu, seriously? I'm trying to help you out here! Nobody in this town is as isolated as you! Not even I- okay, that's not true- but still! You need sunshine! Like, you SERIOUSLY need it! Vitamins and stuff!"
>Except I have vitamins under my bed, dingus. Have to have those vitamins!
"Not going anywhere."
>That's right, groan and walk away.
>Now I can get a little sleep...
"Blu!"
>Why, Celestia?
"What do you want-"
>HE HAS FRIES.
>And not the hay stuff, either!
>"You wanna have a fry?"
>No, it's a trap! Fight the urge!
>"They're homemade and fresh!"
>Oh my, they're perfectly golden. The salt on it is just... beautiful.
>He ate one! Why?!
>"Don't let me eat all of these~"
>You monster!
>NO! Stop eating them! Those are my favorite! They should be mine!
>"Blu~"
>SCREW YOU, ANON! YOU SUCK! I WILL NEVER SUCCUMB TO YOUR-
"What do you want me to do?!"
>He's smiling.
>Stupid alien.
>...
>Breakfast. I'm at breakfast with Peep and Anon.
>Well, breakfast for me.
>It's HORRIBLE...
>"A-and then she just spat out the milk everywhere! It was hilarious!"
>Anon laughs.
>Such a deceiving face for the evil within...
>Not the game.
>"So how has your day been so far, Blu?"
>Alright, my moment to shine with a sarcastic commen-
>"She slept for half the day and had me drag her out of bed to do this."
>I hate you so much, Anon.
>Commence death glare.
>That's right, you better flinch, you filthy casual.

>"Starting today, this is becoming a regular thing, though!"
>"...What is?"
>"Blu being out here with us!"
>Wow, Anon must be stupider than I thought, thinking I'll fall for those stupid fries agai-
>"I boarded up her room!"
>WAIT WHAT?!
"YOU DIDN'T!!"
>He's nodding,
>"I most certainly did! You can go check, if you want."
>You cruel devil.
>Well, if he got the door, there's always-
>"Got the windows, too!"
>OH MY SWEET SATAN.
"Why are you so cruel, Anon?"
>Commence pouty face!
>It's perfect.
>Yes, flinch Anon. You can't resist my pouty face.
>"You and I both know that this is for the best!"
>Aha! Perfect comeback time!
"And where am I going to sleep, meanwhile?"
>"I made you a big nest out in the backyard, just like you used to have!"
>MOTHA-
>Calm down, calm yourself, Blu.
"And what if I get cold?"
>He's just looking at the clear blue sky.
"It's in the middle of summer, Blu."
>Ugh, come on Blu! Think!
"What about my writing?"
>Gotcha. Possibly.
>"I know you have that pencil and notepad with you, Blu."
"What if I don't?"
>"It's right in front of your face."
>Dang, he's right.
>How am I supposed to work on that project, though? All I wrote was a little introduction of myself before getting lost in thought. My readers are depending on me!
>Curse me and my attention span.
>And brilliant imagination.
>Geez, I have a wonderful mind, don’t I?
>Anon is still waiting for some kind of snarky response.
>Sticking my tongue is plenty snarky!
>Don’t you roll your eyes at me you suit-wearing fuck!
>Wow, cursing is such a great way to let off steam.
>Maybe I should do it more often?
>That's probably why Anon does it so much.

>No! You're angry! Only think about the bad things in Anon!
>Wow, look at that ugly face.
>-Well, that's more pointing the obvious than being mean, honestly...
>He's stupid!
>Well, except for that time he tried explaining "calculus" to me.
>It was probably all made up anyways.
>Stupid Earth.
>"Blu, you haven't even touched your sandwich, is everything alright?"
>Shut up Peep, not in the mood for your pigeon face.
>-Wait, perfect sarcastic moment!
"Oh yeah, yeah, of course! I only had my one and only room boarded up so I can live in a stupid nest! Why wouldn't everything be alright?"
>That's right Anon. You mess with me, EVERYONE SUFFERS.
>”I’m telling you Blu, this is for your own good. You were never this lazy until I brought you into my home!”
>Lazy? LAZY?
>You are SO lucky you pay the damn bills in the house! AND you’re lucky that you are the only one in Ponyville to have stupid electricity!
>You’re also lucky that I can’t just let my Skyrim progress go to waste like that!
>”Seriously Blu, you need help, and I’m going to give you that help! I have a whole process and everything! I mean, it was a process I made when I was worse than you, but a plan regardless!”
“So what are you going to do then? Send me to another world?”
>What no don’t think about that
>”Not a bad idea, actually! I’ll see what Twilight thinks about it later, but for now-“
>Peep where the heck are you going?
>I’m scared.
>I don’t want to be social. Anything but being social!
>Anon stop smiling at me! I’ll rip your face off and eat it in front of you!
>Peep’s carrying a dress.
>Wait.
>She’s carrying a dress- a BLUE dress!
>Aw HECK NAW!
>STEP ON IT! NEED FOR SPEED! FLY, YOU!
>WATCH OUT FOR THAT BUILDING!
>GO THROUGH THAT ALLEY!
>DON’T HIT THAT PONY!
>TREES! FREEDOM!

>Okay, now I just have to wait here forever.
>I can give myself a new identity, spray paint my coat, grow my hair-
>”Sorry about this, Blu.”
>ACK, GODS, SHE’S CHOKING ME! PEEP IS CHOKING ME!
>No wait, she’s putting on the dress.
>ACK, SHE’S PUTTING ON THE DRESS! JUST CHOKE ME!
“I’ll have my revenge, Peep. I swear on me mum.”
>”H-huh?”
“You heard me.”
>”N-no, I actually didn’t-“
>GLARE.
>”S-sorry.”
>”Wow, that was quick! Blu, you’re either really out of shape, or just really bad at hiding.”
“THEN WHERE’S THE KITCHEN KINFE?”
>He looks confused and slightly horrified.
>Good.
>Stupid Anon.
>”S-so where are we going, exactly?”
>”We’re heading out to Rarity’s. She’s gonna accompany us to the party and keep an eye on Blu here.”
>Let go! Don’t manhandle me, you fiend! Peep, why would you do this to me-
>Wait a minute…
>Party?
>Please, Talos, have mercy on me!
>Anon, I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOU!
>STOP LOOKING AT ME!
>DON’T TURN AWAY FROM ME WHILE I’M GLARING!
>STOP LAUGHING!
>”Blu, have I ever told you how funny it looks when you’re angry?”
>IF YOU THINK THAT’S FUNNY, HOW ABOUT A DAMN GREATSWORD IN YOUR CHEST?!
>”Wish I had a mirror with me.”
>I felt my eye twitch.
>Out of all the times to do this horrid thing to me, why did they have to choose NOW? All my readers are going to think that I hate them! Or, or that I DIED or something! What kind of excuse would I be able to use for being an entire DAY late?
>’Oh, I’m sorry guys, I got lost in muh games’
>’Sorry, the postal service went down so I couldn’t post anything’
>You just CAN’T please many people with stupid excuses like that!
>As I speak, there’s probably people calling me a loser, o-or just, not reading what I write! What’s the point of creating stuff if you can’t share it with the world?
>”We’re here!”
>Shut up Anon! I’m monologuing here!
>Wait… where was I?
>GEEZ ANON!

>”Ah, Anonymous, Peep, Blu! Might I say that you look absolutely SMASHING in that outfit I made you!”
>White horse, YOU made this for me?
>Welcome to my shit-list. Enjoy your stay.
>Doesn’t matter if I look good in it or not.
>I look good in everything.
>”Hey Rarity, sorry about being a few hours early, Blu here got upset and tried running off, so we figured we’d drop her off here in case she tried to destroy the dress.”
>”DESTROY THE- WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO SUCH A THING?!”
>Quit looking at me, whitey. You’re all glad I don’t have laser vision.
>-That’s right, you better let me go, you stupid tall alien thing.
>”So will you keep an eye on her, Rarity?”
>Looks like the already is.
>”Yes, of course! The absolute LAST thing I would want to see is one of my own creations being torn apart! Especially such an elegant one, at that.”
>Elegantly stupid.
>”Thanks, Rare. Me and Peep are going to go- well, Peep is going to go get dressed, and we’ll come back here and head out in a few!”
>”Don’t be too long!”
>”We won’t!”
>Yeah, go get out of here. Run away.
>Stop staring at me, whitey.
>”Would you like to come inside?”
>Oh no of course not, I was just thinking of sitting outside or digging a hole to lie in.
>Stupid unicorn.
>That’s right, just smile and nod.
>Wow, this place doesn't even look like a house, it's like some kind of shop or something.
>"Please, sit! Make yourself comfortable!"
>...There's nowhere to sit.
>Floor it is, then!
>"NO DON'T! YOU'LL PULL THE FABRIC!"
>Okay, calm down. Geez.
"Then how do I make myself comfortable?!"
>Ooh, too vicious sounding.
>Ah, who cares?
>"Please, I have seats upstairs! Follow me!"
>...

>...
>Ugh, this is so damn boring, holy shit.
"Peep, you almost ready?"
>"Almost!"
>UUUUGH
>That means another few hours, then.
>Wonder how Blu is doing?
>She freaked out pretty bad with the whole boarding up thing.
>Maybe I went a little too far with that?
>...Nah.
>That pony needs some damn sunlight and social interaction.
>That filthy NEET pony.
>She's been playing and writing so damn much that she's even picked up on more than a few curse words...
>Hell, that story from a few days ago was fucking filled with them.
>How the fuck did she even fucking know that I fucking said fuck all the fucking time?
>Guess I'll never know.
>That was a pretty damn entertaining story though, I'll have to admit.
>All those damn comments and jokes and shit was perfectly what I'd say in those situations.
>Except from the drunk part.
>I don't think I've ever been drunk before, actually.
>Well, I hope that when I do, I don't become a fucking retard.
>That damn story was like some kind of alternate universe type shit.
>Hell, there's probably a poor Anon crawling through the fucking forest with wolf attack injuries and shit.
>...Glad it ain't me!
>"I-I'm done, Anon."
>Well about fucking time-
>SWEET LORD SATAN SHE'S FUCKING SMOKIN' HOT.
>Gat DAYUM, girl!
>"Wh-what do you think?"
>Ohoho, my brain's not doin' the thinking right now.
>"You look like a damn ponified Victoria's Secret model!"
>Oh, right, she has no fucking clue what that is.
>"Is, is that a good thing?"
>FUCKING YES.
"Very."
>Alright Anon, take mental pictures. Don't fuck up the film!
>Bunned up hair, click!
>Cute golden feather brooch, click!
>Amazing grey/blue accented dress with fluffy lacing, click!
>Blue slippers, click!
>Amazing fucking smile, click!
>And very minimal makeup that doesn't hide her true beauty, fucking CLICK
>"Th-thanks Anon."
>THAT FUCKING BLUSH HHNNG
"Shall we get going?"
>"Yeah."
>This is going to be a great fucking time.

>2055.
>Zombies have just attacked and destroyed part of the world.
>Now, civilization grows again, stronger than ever and more fearful of the possibilities of biological warfare.
>As the only licensed and most successful zombie killer, special agent Blue H. Sky is now on a mission to protect the dying world from the dead, and itself...
>"WAKE UP BLU!!"
"AAAAHH HOLY SHIT, WHAT?!"
>"Aha! I knew you were going to start cussing at some point. Fucking called it."
>My, my heart!
>I can't stop breathing so hard!
>I, I'M GOING TO DIE!
>FUCK YOU ANON, YOU KILLED ME!
>"A-are you alright, Blu?"
>NO I'M FUCKING NOT, ANON!
>"Anon!! Why would you scare poor Blu like this?!"
>"I... Uh..."
>"Go downstairs!!"
>"But I didn't-"
>"DOWN. STAIRS."
>Ooh, someone's getting whipped!
>WAIT I'M STILL DYING!
>MY HEART! I'M GONNA PASS OUT!
>"Blu, shh, calm down Blu, you're safe here, you're safe."
>I KNOW I'M SAFE, YOU F-
>Wait, that actually makes me feel better.
>She's actually helping out.
>"Take slow breaths, Blu. I'm right here."
>Slow breaths.
>Sloow breaths.
>Sloooooow breaths...
>Much, much better.
>"Feeling better?"
>Yeah, and tired.
>"You must've had a panic attack, or developed some kind of anxiety... My mom would act the same way you just did when she had an attack..."
>Wow.
>Fucking Anon, giving me problems.
>And making me cuss more.
>"Come on, let's go downstairs, Blu."
>Whoo, holy snap I'm tired...
>Wow, looks like Rarity was, too.
>Okay, just a little nudge to wake her.
>Sleeping on the floor like that must not be very comfortable...
>"Hzuh?"
"Uh, Anon and Peep are here, Rarity."
>"Oh."
>Ooh, I think that you need more than a bit of brushing to fix that hair.
>"Shall we go, then?"
>With that hair, I'm not so sure.
>Eh, she'll figure it out soon enough. Too tired to say anything.
>"Um, Rarity, your hair is a little..."
>Her face is priceless.
>You should leave that in your mental library.

>Downstairs we go!
>And hey look, Anon looks exactly the same!
>Because he wears the same crap ALL the time!
>TWENTY FOUR SEVEN.
>But who am I to judge?
>I don’t even wear clothes.
>I have to say though, this dress is damn awesome.
>And I only say that, because it’s on ME.
>Because I look good in everything.
>Let, let me just get a smidge closer… aaand…
>OOH HOO DANG GIRL, YOU ARE SMOKIN’!
>Do a little rump wiggle~
>Glorious.
>I look freaking NOICE.
>The dress itself is pretty good, too, now that I think about it.
>I should think about getting more neon orange stuff.
>Oh snap, is it interchangeable?
>There’s some bright blue under the fabric.
>Nice.
>This thing is also weirdly shiny.
>Must be the fabric or some crap.
>Probably why whitey got so mad when I tried sitting.
>What’s with that blue ribbon thing by my flank?
>Not to mention the little ripple things further back.
>It looks a bit like a skirt, but just, longer, and more, flowy.
>Like, it has the little fold-y things, but they’re more separated.
>Huh. Weird.
>”You really like that dress, dontcha Blu?”
>FUCK, WHAT?
>OH SHIT PEEP AND ANON ARE STARING.
>THINK OF A GOOD COMEBACK.
“You really like fucking off, dontcha Anon?”
>Nice one.
>Look at his face.
>Look at it and laugh.
>”Shall we get going, you three?”
>Ugh, white horse.
>Just her voice is annoying.
>Is that some stupid fake accent, or her actual voice, I don’t know.
>It’s very annoying though.
>”Yep, think we’re good. Peep, Blu, you done checking yourselves out?”
>Laser eyes set to kill.
>Dang, it’s not very effective…
>”Alright, let’s hit the road!”
>Ugh, stop talking, Anon.
>Where the heck are we going, anyways?
>They said a party, but what kind of party would need this much… elegance?
>I mean, Peep has clothes that are super freaking different from mine, but still!
>Peep looks like she’s going to a ball, and I’m dressed up like somepony from the fifties!
>Well whatever it is, it better be a dang fun party.

>I didn’t get dragged all the way out here for some stupid posh fancy crap.
>And whitey is dressed for an occasion just like that.
>She’s already white, why wear stuff to stick out more?
>She must really like the attention.
>I hate ponies like that.
>They disgust me.
>Kind of like Anon.
>I can hear music in the distance.
>Oh great, it’s at some stupid club.
>Who the heck even goes to clubs?
>And all the ponies are dressed up weirdly.
>They all look… old-school.
>Oh. It’s themed.
>Well, looks like some ponies went stupid old school and more recent old school.
>This is weird.
>”You’re not sagging behind to give us the slip, are you, Blu?”
>No, but that’s actually a great idea-
>-HEY, FUCK OFF! LET GO OF ME!!
>”Of course you aren’t.”
>I SWEAR, ANON! I. WILL. EAT YOUR FACE!!
>Ugh, there’s no use struggling.
>I hate those damn hands.
>Stupid Anon.
>Oh look, huge bodyguard guy.
>Kick Anon’s face! Git him! Git him!
>”Who are you?”
>”Don’t worry, these three are with me.”
>”Oh, sorry, Mrs. Rarity. Come on in.”
>NOOOOOOOO-
>Wow, this party actually doesn’t look bad.
>Meh, who am I kidding, ANY party is bad!
>Time to get the heck out of here!
>Yeah, you better let me go, Anon!
>Wait, why are you going back-
>”Excuse me?”
>”Yeah?”
>”Would you be able to keep my dear friend from leaving, should she try to? She uh, tends to wander a bit.”
>”Uh, sure thing.”
>FUCK YOU ANON!
>”Thanks.”
>DON’T YOU FUCKING SMILE AT ME.
>”You heard the man, Blu. Can’t leave now; why not try to make the best of it?”
>I’M GOING TO FUCKING OHMYGOSHI’MSOPISSEDOFF
>SET TO KILL!
>BURN ANON, LASER EYES!
>SET HIS FACE ON FIRE!
>Damn, he walked away.
>Stupid Anon…
>Alright… so, this place is really packed.
>Ooh, there’s punch over there!
>Okay, so, plan of attack here is to stick to the punch, avoid eye contact, and wait for this crap to blow over.
>Sounds good, let’s do this.
>This should be easy.
>…

>Blu went over to the punch.
>Of course.
>That pony seriously needs to get out more.
>I can understand where she’s coming from, obviously, but in hindsight, the shut-in life is very… unfulfilling.
>Getting an achievement or item isn’t as fun as getting a life, honestly.
>Equestria was a blessing, in that sense.
>A chance to start over, but also to continue.
>Mostly because coming here didn’t give me back those six fucking years I wasted.
>Those could’ve been put to good use somehow.
>If anything, I guess it’s more of a reminder of what NOT to do anymore.
>Plus, Blu kind of took the PC and shit, so I don’t think being a shut-in is really a choice anymore.
>”Is, isn’t Blu going to come up here? Does she know that Rarity has this VIP spot for us?”
“Don’t think so, Peep. Let’s keep it that way, though. At least she’ll be around some other ponies.”
>”Um, o-ok.”
>She’ll enjoy herself soon enough, I’m sure.
>…
>Man, this punch SUCKS.
>Seriously, I should sue whoever made this; it could be labeled as a form of torture.
>Well, at least it’ll look like I’m doing something, instead of just standing around and avoiding everyone.
>There’s a stallion eyeing me.
>Screw you, buddy!
>Subtle glares, Blu.
>Nope, he’s advancing.
>You get the hell back to dancing! Get out of here!
>”I can’t help but notice how lonely you seem here. Would you care to dance, miss?”
>Hell naw.
“Would you care to bend over so I can shove this glass up your ass?”
>Hey, that rhymed!
>That’s right, walk away.
>You’d better be scared.
>I’m a level 157 Nord, loser.
>…
>Oho, SHIT! That dude got shot down fucking HARD!
>Damn, Blu!
>”Anonymous, why are you spending so much time watching Blu?”
>’Cause it’s crazy entertaining.
“It’s fun.”
>”Well, I think you should invite her up here. She looks rather… flustered, at the moment.”
“Eh, I will.”
>Maybe.
>This shit is like throwing a garden snake into a pit of mice.

>Fortunately and also unfortunately, Blu’s a very attractive pony, so she’s bound to get loads of attention tonight.
>It’s a bit weird that she hasn’t activated bird mode though.
>With Peep, cooing and stuff was actually considered a formality, only meant for ponies she didn’t know very well.
>Of course, she still coos when I pet her, but that’s another kind of cooing.
>Also seen her bob her head a few times while walking.
>And she still slightly jerks her head around while listening.
>She also sleeps in a nest full of blankets.
>And fucking loves the park.
>And breadcrumbs.
>Hell, and Blu was way more bird than Peep was.
>She actually made all the noises and shit perfectly.
>Then, well, PC happened.
>And now, instead of the naïve, pleasant little bluebird pony she was before, she was the hostile, very Earth-oriented pony shut-in.
>The only things that are birdish out of her now are those subtle squawks from when I freaked her out earlier, and the few bird songs she sings when she showers.
>The very fucking LOUD bird songs.
>It’s kind of like I stripped the few things that made her special and threw in my own.
>I mean, she’s still got the colors and the crossbreed blood, but still, her bird-y nature just doesn’t seem to be there.
>That kind of sucks, knowing I did that.
>It’s like grinding down the teeth of a fucking tiger.
>It can still attack, and it’s still a tiger, but it just isn’t the same.
>Wow, that was a pretty shit analogy.
>Wonder what she’s thinking right now?
>…
>I’m going to stab and tear apart everyone in this FUCKING room if I catch one more stallion watching my flanks.
>HEY YOU! FUCK OFF! THIS IS MY PUNCH!!
>”Uh, miss, you look like you’ve had too much. You know the punch is spiked, right?”
“FUCK YOU! YOU’RE SPIKED!”
>THAT’S RIGHT, RUN AWAY!
>Y’ALL ASKED FOR THE RUFFLED FUCKING FEATHERS, DIDN’T YA?!
>I’LL DESTROY Y’ALL!
>…

>Did… did I just hear a squawk?
>Holy shit, Blu is still standing by the punch.
>She also looks pissed to hell.
>Is she, is she guarding the punch table?
>She’s lightly stomping on the ground now.
>Looks like some kind of warning thing.
>Alright, better intervene now before she starts killing ponies.
>”W-where are you going?”
“Gonna go get Blu.”
>Okay, ground floor.
>Wow, being tall sure has its benefits.
>Jesus Christ get out of the damn way! I’m trying to walk here!
>”Blu!”
>Holy shit she looks pissed.
>And drunk.
>Was the fucking punch spiked?
>”Fuck off Anon! This is MY punch bowl, ya hear?”
>What the fuck is with the southern accent?
>This shit would give Applejack a run for her damn money.
“Blu, why don’t you come up with me, Peep and Rarity for a bit? You seem a bit… out of it.”
>”Fuck YOU I’m out of it! I’m more in it than you’ll ever be!”
>What?
“Come on Blu, you’re pretty drunk, and I don’t-“
>”FUCK OFF ANON! I’M STAYIN’ BY MY PUNCH TABLE BOWL!”
“Blu, there’s a bigger punch bowl upstairs, if you-“
>”BUT IT AIN’T THIS ONE!”
>Damn, this is genuinely scary.
>Those ruffled feathers worry the fuck out of me.
>And that southern accent.
“Blu, please, just come upstairs."
>...At least my death won’t be unheard of.
>Don’t look her in the eyes.
>”…Fuck it, let’s go.”
>Oh, holy shit, okay.
>Won’t be dying today, it seems.
“Thank you, Blu. Come on.”
>She can barely walk.
>How much fucking punch did she have?
>And what the fuck did they put in it, exactly?
>Well who cares?
>As long as you postpone a few deaths tonight, it’ll be golden.
>Just gotta push through a few more ponies and-
>She’s not following.
>Oh shit, she’s in somebody’s face.
>”You eyeballin’ my flanks, son?!”
>”W-what? N-no, I was-“
>”DON’T YOU FUCKIN’ LIE TO ME, BOY! WERE YOU EYEBALLIN’ ME OR NOT?!”
>”…Um… yes…”
>Everyone’s silent.
>Christ save me.
>…

>”I SWEAR ON MAH FUCKIN’ GRANNY I’LL RIP YOUR DAMNED FACE OFF AND FUCK IT IN FRONT OF Y’ALL! I’LL FUCKIN’ DO IT! FUCK YOU!”
“Blu, calm down!”
>”FUCK YOU, I’LL FUCKIN’ CALM DOWN! I AIN’T DONE WIT THAT MOTHERFUCKER OVER THERE!”
“Blu, you broke his leg! Now come on, let’s get the hell out of here before we’re all arrested!!”
>”What’s going on here? What happened in there, Anonymous?”
“Blu got pissed off at a pony and beat the shit out of him and the crowd. How the hell did you miss something like that?”
>”Well, I was having a rather pleasant conversation with a single stallion~”
“Nevermind, don’t give a shit. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to get the hell out of here before more ponies show up. If anyone asks about this whole thing, say that the guy provoked her or some shit!”
>”Very well…”
“Thanks, Rarity, I owe you! See you!”
>Damn it, move faster!
>”Come on, Peep! Don’t think we’ll be welcome in this place for a damn long while.”
>Jesus Christ this went bad.
>Now I know never to get Blu drunk though.
>Damn.
>Still have to find some way to get her out more.
>But how?
>
>…
>2067
>Ponykind has fallen.
>Equestria as we know it has been destroyed.
>Zombies shamble across the earth, seeking to destroy and devour more.
>Now, as the only survivor on the entire planet, Blu H. Sky must find a way to once again, save Equestria, and find a cure to the deadly plague ravaging the planet once and for a-
>PPBTHL
>WHO’S LICKING ME?
“WHO THE FUCK IS DOING THAT?!”
>Dammit, tangled in blankets! Don’t fall, don’t fall!
>AW SHIT!
>WHAT’S GOING ON?!
>”Aw, looks like she already likes you!”
>A stupid dog is licking me!
>I’m not in the damn mood! Fuck off!

>Why the heck does Anon have a dog?
>Don’t even know what breed that is.
>Only seen a dog like, four times.
“So, what’s with that thing?”
>”Hey, don’t call it a thing! Look how cute she is! Ooh, yes you are, yes you are!”
>Just glare.
>Maybe both of them can get vaporized.
>”Oh yeah, since you got crazy drunk last night and started an enormous fight at the club, I thought of another way to get you more sunshine!”
>Yeah, I understand that’s a dog. No need to hold it up to me.
>”This cute little thing is… well, it’s a bit weird, but this dog looks exactly like a certain breed back on Earth. We’d refer to it as a Shiba Inu, which is a tiny Japanese dog; not uh, sure where the hell this thing comes from over here, but shit if this isn’t the cutest fucking dog ever! Aww, yes you are!”
>The dog would be cuter if I didn’t have a horrible headache.
>”This adorable little thing is yours now, and needs to be walked every single day! She’s also very playful.”
>”Oh, and you’re also experiencing a hangover right now. The punch you drank yesterday was spiked to all hell, and you drank a lot of it. You’re super dehydrated at this moment.”
>Ugh, if I didn’t go to the stupid party in the first place, I wouldn’t have to worry about this crap.
>”Also… where did you pick up that southern accent?”
>”What?”
>”When you were drunk, you kicked it into full southern mode and started speaking in an accent worse than Applejack’s.”
>Uh…
“No idea what you’re talking about. You must be crazy.”
>”…Uh huuuh. Well then, I’ll start up breakfast while you play with your new friend here. Drink some water.”
“Will do!”
>...Stupid Appaloosa.
>…What are you looking at, dog?
>Hey, back off.
>Don’t you dare jump on the-
>FUCK OFF!
>Get away from me!
>Hey, HEY! Back the fuck up!
>Don’t give me that look.
>I said don’t.
>STOP.
>STOP IT.
>STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
>FUCK YOU!

>…Fuck it.
“Aww, come here!”
>THIS DOG IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE.
“Hey, hey, don’t lick! No licking! No- haha! Stop!”
>Urk, dogs, my… only… weakness…
“Aww, who’s a good girl, who’s a good girl?”
>Aside from me, obviously.
>Pause!
>Scan the room, quickly.
>…No sign of Peep or Anon.
“Who wants a belly rub, huh? Who does?”
>…
>I seriously hope this dog does the trick.
>For all I know, Blu is mauling and tearing the poor thing apart right now.
>Are bluebirds even carnivorous?
>I should ask about that.
>Some damn meat in this house would be fucking wonderful.
>Well, I guess if Blu does maul the thing, I can finally try dog.
>That reminds me: How the hell did a Shiba get here anyways?
>Seriously, there’s no fucking way that the breed just happened to be in Equestria, too.
>I mean, there were a few other breeds from Earth in there.
>German Shepherds, Huskies, Pugs…
>And isn’t Applejack’s dog a Collie or some shit?
>Meh, fuck it, who cares?
>If I’m going to question shit like that, then I should keep questioning how the fuck I got here in the first place.
>Which still hasn’t been figured out.
>I bet Celestia isn’t even researching the shit like she said she would.
>That white fuck.
>I mean, shit is much better here than on Earth, but I wish I could at least go back to finish some damn business, maybe punch a few fuckers in the face, but NOOOOO.
>I guess Jesus or whoever the fuck did this just likes giving people the fucking finger.

>Not like I really did much back on Earth, but at least I was well off.
>If I had the kind of damn money I had back on Earth right now, I’d be able to change the entire world here!
>I could skip jerking around with old computers and shit and just jump straight to touchscreen, huge fucking plasma TVs.
>Well, at least with the idea.
>I don’t know a single shit about making those things.
>Maybe if I still had my beautiful plasma-
>Well, if it wasn’t fucking destroyed, anyways.
>I still can’t believe how fucking unstable the roof I had before this one was.
>And all because the worker guys making the house was all pissy that they didn’t get themselves a damn house from Celestia.
>Assholes.
>”H-hey Anon.”
“Morning Peep. Two eggs, or one?”
>”Just one, please.”
“Gotcha.”
>Damn, I really wish I had gone through with the plan last night.
>I mean, it was just, sitting there at the back of my mind.
>Never even thought for a second that we’d get kicked the fuck out before I got a chance to say something.
>It just, didn’t seem romantic enough.
>Well, I have to say something soon.
>Just to finally get it off my chest.
>And hopefully to find that she feels the same.
>Man, why does that kind of shit always fall on the guy?
>I mean, it’s not like I’m proposing or shit, but why does that job always fall on the guy?
>Why can’t a girl propose?
>Fucking shit I’m stressing about this too much.
>Okay, soon, the time will come, I’m sure of it.
>For now, just breakfast.
>Better go get Blu meanwhile.
>She probably hasn’t even looked at the dog or anythi-
>”I LOOOVE you! You’re so CUTE! Oh my gosh, I gotta think up a name for you! I gotta name you! Do you want a name, cutie?”
>Holy shit, I’m a fucking genius.
>Okay, just walk away.
>Don’t make a scene or you’ll fuck it up.
>Just set plates up and shit.
“Blu! Breakfast is done!”
>…

>OH SHIT HUH?!
>SCANNING…
>Okay, coast is clear.
>Anon didn’t see me.
>Good.
>OH MAN, THIS DOG THOUGH.
“Come on, let’s go get breakfast, girl!”
>Alright, now just walk into the kitchen cooly.
>Hope Anon doesn’t catch me playing with the dog.
>He’ll just make fun of me for it or something.
>Okay, for now, I don’t even know what a dog is.
>”Blu, I set you up over there. Three eggs for all that protein and shit.”
>Fuck yeah, eggs.
>Just glad that the crossbreeding thing didn’t leave me laying them myself.
>Eggs would be crazy weird.
>How would that even all work?
>Nevermind. That’s too weird to think about.
>No doggy! Don’t get on the chair!
>”That dog really seems to like you.”
“Yeah. It’s annoying.”
>Nice save.
>”A-Anon, when did you get a dog?”
>”Oh, this morning! It’s Blu’s dog, now.”
“Still not sure what you’re trying to do with this.”
>”I’m not sure, either. We’ll just have to wait and see. Speaking of, how’s your head?”
>My head?
>Oh snap, I barely even noticed I was still in pain.
>OW, A LOT OF PAIN.
“It’s hell.”
>No doggie, don’t whimper, I’m alright!
>God she’s so cute!
>”Wow, that dog REALLY likes you.”
”I don’t even like dogs!”
>Ooh, I didn’t mean that doggie, I’m sorry!
>Anon must never know.
>"Oh yeah, yeah, of course! Sorry I didn't notice earlier."
>You should be.
>Stupid Anon.
>"But anyways, I've got to go to work in a few, so what are you two going to do today?"
>"I w-was just thinking of going to the park."
>"And you, Blu?"
"I was thinking of just destroying everything you love."
>STOP LAUGHING.
>"Oh please! All the material items I've loved are already destroyed! Unless you want to make yourself homeless."
>Hmpf. Stupid Anon.
>"Why don't you just go with Peep to the park? Play around with the dog?"
>That's an AMAZING idea!
"Hmph, whatever."

>"That's the spirit! Now, I should actually be going like, now. I still don't know how to tell time in this fucking place. Bye girls!"
>"Bye Anon!"
"Get out already!"
>"Ooh, salty."
>Stupid Anon.
>Did he even eat?
>Eh, who cares.
>Oh man, now I get a whole day with the dog!
>"S-so when did you want to go? You know, with your headache and all..."
>DON'T MENTION IT, IT HURTS WHEN YOU DO!
>OW.
"Doesn't matter."
>"Okay! So let me just put these dishes away and we'll go!"
>SWEEEET!! AW YEAH!
"Oh boy."
>Oh man, the park is gonna be so great!
>We can go play fetch, roll around in the grass, run around-
>"Okay let's go!"
"Yay."
>WOOOOOO-
>...
>Jesus I hate this job.
"And here you'll find our lovely kitchen-"
>"Um, excuse me..?"
"Yes sir, do you have a question?"
>"...What are you?"
"For the THIRD time sir, I am what's known as a 'human'! Now, if we can continue-"
>"Why are you so ugly?"
"-Look guy, do you want to buy this house or not?!"
>"...Nah, just window shopping."
>MOTHERFUCKER-
>...
>Finally, some alone time with muh doggie!
>Seriously, Peep wouldn't stop TALKING.
>Especially about Anon.
>No, I don't know if he likes you.
>No, I don't know what his favorite food is.
>NO, I don't know what meat he eats!
>I mean come ON Peep, seriously!
>If you like the guy, just SAY SOMETHING.
>Ugh, all this grade-school drama makes me hungry.
>No time for eating though, I've got a new friend to play with!
>What should I name her anyways?
>Hmm...
>I'll get back to that.

>For now, it is simply Doggie.
"Come on, Doggie! Let's fetch some stuff!"
>Alright, gotta find a good fetching stick-
>Ah! Perfect!
"You want the stick? Huh? You want it? You want it? Go get i-
>-That was a horrible throw!
>OH CRAP, THAT'S THE EVERFREE.
>Well snap, that stick is gone.
>As long as the dog doesn't fetch for-
>OH COME ON!
>...Well, having a dog was fun while it lasted.
>I'm not going into that stupid forest-
>-I suddenly feel very weird.
>I can feel my heart racing.
>Why am I sweating?
>What's wrong with my breathing?
>What's happening to- HRK.
>Did, did I just throw up?
>Am I going to die?
>Is whatever this is going to kill me?
>I'm going to die, right?
>I'm going to die.
>I'm going to die!
>Somepony help me, I'm dying!
>HELP!
>Why, why can't the words come out of my mouth?
>What's going on?!
>What's...
>
>WHOA WHERE AM I?!
>Oh, still at the park.
>Did, did I pass out?
>Where's the dog?
"Doggie! Where are you?"
>She was here at some point.
>The stick is right there.
>What time is it?
>The sun's going down now.
>But it was morning when I came out here.
>What happened?
>"Hey Blu! Where's the dog?"
"I don't know."
>"Y-you lost the dog?!"
"Hey, not on purpose! I was playing and stuff and then I got all loopy or something, a-and-"
>"-Ooh, Anon isn't going to like this! What's he going to think of me? He's going to get so mad that I didn't keep an eye on the dog! He's going to hate me, a-and-"
"-Let's just go home, alright?"
>"...Y-yeah. Yeah, let's go."
>Wow, this day really sucks.
>How did I manage to lose a dog in just a few hours?
>I didn't even give the dog a name yet...
>...

>GOD, FUCK THIS JOB.
>Why the fuck can't real estate be as fucking easy as it is in Earth?
>And why the fuck did the Mayor offer this shit to me anyways?
>If only Equestria had a fucking stock market here.
>I'd own that bitch.
>Hey, speaking of bitches, I wonder how the dog is doing?
>Blu seemed pretty happy with her.
>That dog cost more than a few bits to get, with all the paperwork and shit.
>Hopefully it has the desired effect though.
>Oh shit, it's finally five! Time to get the fuck out of here!
>Later, you god forsaken office!
>Man, I don't know why, but I'm unusually happy right now.
>That's a usually a bad fucking sign.
>Obviously something really bad happened.
>Maybe Twilight's castle was 9/11'd?
>Nope, it's still there.
>Well, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing for me, anyways.
>Don't really talk to her that much.
>All those damn "friendship quests" and shit.
>Wish I could fucking go on one.
>I could be an awesome friend.
>...Stupid ass castle map.
>Well shit, there's the house.
>Peep and Blu must be home.
>Or I left the lights on.
>Man... lights. Electricity. That shit is fucking awesome.
>And I'm the only fucking one in Ponyville to have it!
>And probably the only one who can afford it!
>Seriously, the shit's expensive.
>I shall cry about that later though.
>I'm finally home!
>Alright, brace for something horrible behind the door.
>Happiness can only lead to disappointment, and postponed misery!
>Like marriage.
>Not like I'd really know for sure though.
"I'm hoooome guy- oh."
>And there it is.
>Not sure WHAT it is, exactly, but both Peep and Blu look sad.
>Not your regular sadness, though.
>This is the kind of sadness you'd see from your dog after they just finished destroying and pissing on your couch, then realized that what they were doing was wrong.
>That kind of sad.
>Wait, speaking of dog...-

>FUCKING- NO WAY.
"Please tell me that the dog isn't-"
>"Y-yes..."
"-Oh my god!!"
>How the fuck did the dog get lost so quickly?
>The thing disappeared quicker than the damn time I spent getting it!
>All those damn papers and bits just fucking running away!
>Okay, don't get pissed Anon.
>That fag upstairs is fucking waiting for you to.
>Don't give him the satisfaction.
>Blu looks crushed about it anyways.
>Don't make it worse.
>The fuck is Peep sad for, though?
>Well, unless she likes animals THAT much.
>Or the dog ran into a fucking minefield.
>I'm sure watching Lassie being torn apart by high-powered explosives would make anyone sad.
>"I-I'm sorry, Anon."
>Alrighty, time to be the good guy.
"It's alright. I'm not mad."
>Peep's ears perk up.
>Blu still looks sad.
>Damn, she must've really liked that dog.
>Gotta kick it into... what did Blu put in her story?
>Gotta kick it into 'comforting friend' mode or some shit.
>Yeah, that.
>Subtle glance at Peep, small nod towards Blu aaand-
>She took the hint. Okay, good.
>Some simple one on one time here.
>Not very good with it, but shit, here goes nothing.
>Damn, she's not even hiding the fact that she's sad.
>Or not doing a very good job at it.
>Why does seeing cute things sad hurt so fucking much?
>Seriously, everyone in this damned place are cute enough to warrant heart attacks.
>Well...
>Except Twist.
>Or should I say Twitht?
>God that pony is so damn annoying.
>I can never understand what she's fucking saying.
>-Fuck, right, Blu's still sad.
>Wonder how long I've just been standing here, not saying anything?
>Kinda like that shit you see in the movies, where that guy just stands there like a fucking retard before saying something really important.
>Except that I'm not pretending to think or anything, and I'm kind of just standing.
>Now Blu is looking at me weird.
>Okay, nice friend talk go!

"I know you liked that dog, Blu. Don't need to pretend you didn't."
>Holy shit, I really DO NOT know how to do this.
>Anon used CLICHE!
"It's not your fault, you know."
>It's super effective!
"It's more of my fault anyways. It's not like I bought a collar or a leash or anything."
>Because that shit isn't mass produced and is super fucking expensive here.
>Honestly, crack would be more worth the money.
>Blu's still sad.
>Jesus Christ, what's going on here?
>Now I really don't give a shit about the dog.
>And how does a fucking dog warrant this much sadness?
>Fuck, what to do now?
>She won't even fucking talk.
>What the hell is she thinking?
>...
>What if the attacks become a regular thing?
>That's what Peep said, right?
>They were panic attacks?
>That's already the second one.
>If there was a second, they'll be a third.
>The first two were horrible enough.
>Will there really be a third?
>Oh right, Anon's talking to you.
"What?"
>No, pretend that you were paying attention, Blu!
>Too late now.
>...
>This is fucking why I didn't have any friends on Earth.
>Because they piss me off sometimes.
>Sad or not, I go all awesome friend mode just to be ignored?
>Fuck this.
"So did you hear me when I told you about sleeping in your makeshift nest out back tonight?"
>Yeah, you payed attention to THAT, didn't you Blu?
>"What?"
"Yeah, I mentioned it just a minute ago. Dog or not, you're still not just staying in this house all day."
>"But-"
"There shall be no butts in this household besides my glorious one. Now, it's getting kinda late, so you wanna hit up the nest today?"
>"No-"
"Of course you do! Now out you go!"
>Fuckin' Blu.
>Ignoring my friendship and shit.
>It's difficult forcing myself to be fucking nice.
>Maybe Blu DID get my personality right in her story?
>...Nah.
>Blu needs this shit.
>This isn't being a dick, this is helping out.
>I should ask Pinkie about helping out here.
>...

>Stupid Anon.
>Of course he'd throw me out.
>Dick.
>Guess somepony didn't pay him enough attention on Earth.
>Might as well see the nest he built in the back.
>Wow.
>Some stupid other birds already took it.
>Fucking Bluebirds, too.
>Hmm.
>Maybe they'll let me in-
"-OW, HEY! STOP, I'M ONE OF YOU FUCKERS!"
>Hmpf!
>Stupid Bluebirds.
>Floor it is, then...
>Stupid Anon.
>Stupid everypony...
>...Why does Anon want me outside so much anyways?
>It seems less and less like he wants to help, and more and more like he just wants me to leave the house...
>No, he got a dog for me! He's just frustrated about her getting lost.
>Obviously.
>Or maybe he doesn't like me?
>Maybe I'm just an annoyance?
>No, he made this nest for me!
>Sure, some stupid birds took it over, but it's the thought that counts!
>...Right?
>
>WHAT'S GOING ON?!
>Oh, three AM showers.
>Dang.
>Okay, let's just scoot under the nest here.
>There. We all good.
>Rain is a soothing sound anyways.
>Wait, I think I recognize that feeling...
>My heart's racing.
>Okay okay, just, focus on the rain.
>Calm yourself.
>It's not working.
>Nothing will ever work.
>I'm going to be stuck like this forever.
>I'll never have a normal life again.
>I feel queasy...
>What is this doing to me?
>And why me?
>What did I do?
>Well, I lost a dog.
>I crashed a party.
>I also beat somepony up.
>I made Anon mad.
>I'm, I'm not a good pony, am I?
>Never have been...
>
>...

>Christ I hate sleeping.
>There's just zero point to it.
>Why spend all these precious hours of your life just lying motionless on a bed?
>Dreams?
>Well excuse me for not liking being naked at school, or having jumpscares every few minutes, or not being able to fucking run when a flock of niggers are chasing me.
>So fuck sleeping.
>If my arm hadn't lost all feeling that one time I tried those five energy shots, I'd always be awake.
>Brain damage or not, at least I wouldn't end up fucking an ugly relative during my sleep.
>Fucking brain.
>Maybe it deserves the fucking damage.
>And fuck you for waking me up this early too, brain.
>You stupid shit.
>Damn, five in the morning.
>Thank you, Earth clock!
>And fuck you, Equestria!
>Especially for being filled with a bunch of herbivores!
>Well, no use crying about it now.
>Wonder how Blu is doing?
>I should start up breakfast for her and Peep.
>Let's do pancakes.
>Just gotta get Blu inside.
>...Oh yeah! Forgot about the three AM show-
>Did I build a roof thing for Blu's nest?
>Fuck me.
>Sorry, Blu.
>...Huh, Blu's a lot smaller now-
>FUCKING BLUEBIRDS OH SHIT!
>OW! FUCK YOU! FUCKING NIGGERS!
>FUCK YOUR EGGS!
>"PBTHPLL THE HELL?!"
>Shit, Blu's under the nest.
>And I just fucked up the nest.
>...At least I got those fucking birds-
>HEY, FUCK YOU!
>Anon goes for the kick...-
>FUCKING FIELD GOAL.
>THE CROWD GOES FUCKING APESHIT WOOO-
>-Oh right, Blu.
>Wow, she looks horrible.
>I mean, it's five in the morning, but she looks crazy bad.
>And wet.
>And not the good wet.
>...Now I feel like shit.
"Hey Blu."
>Looks like she's trying to vaporize me.
>Believe me Blu, if it was that easy, half this town would be dead.
"Did you sleep good?"
>WHY DID I FUCKING ASK THAT?!
>It's like asking a damn cancer patient how life is!
>Well, AGAIN, anyways.
>That was a fun day.
>"Oh, I slept just fine outside in the cold and rain. Thanks for asking."
"Yeah. Sorry about that..."
>Don't you scrunch at me, missy.
"Wanna go inside and dry up?"

>Jesus, stop scrunching!
>I'm trying to be nice here!
>Well, as nice as I can be under the circumstances, anyways.
>Okay, now it looks like she calmed down a bit.
>Okay sure, just walk right past me.
>No, be NICE Anon.
>Be nice.
>Besides, she did sleep in the rain.
>...Now I feel like shit again.
>I should make it up somehow.
>...Hmm.
>Well for now, just breakfast.
>...
>I feel horrible.
>And not sad horrible.
>More like 'sleeping in rain' horrible.
>I'm tired, I'm wet, and I'm frustrated.
>All because of Anon.
>Stupid, stupid Anon.
>"Hey, so Blu, did uh, did you want to stop by Sugar Cube Corner to grab some sweets or something?"
>...
>Well it's a pretty shit way of making up for sleeping the fuck outside, but it's a start, right?
>I'm at least trying here.
>...
>Is he, asking me out?
>I thought he was into Peep?
"Uh, sure, I guess."
>...
>Why the fuck is she blushing?
>Whatever, let's get fucking breakfast done.
>...
>No Blu, why would it be a date?
>Why-
>No, what the hell am I thinking?!
>This is fucking ANON we're talking about.
>Too scared to ask for a date, and too much of a dick to have a good one.
>Besides, I've seen how him and Peep glance over at each other all the time!
>He's probably just trying to make up for kicking me outside of the damn house.
>But Anon doesn't usually do things like that.
>Then what does he want?!
>God, guys are so confusing!
>Stupid Anon!
>Ooh, and here comes Peep.
>No doubt that SHE likes him.
>Not sure what ANY living creature on this entire planet would see in him, but she sees all of him.
>If this actually WAS some kind of stupid date, Peep would fucking KILL me!
>It doesn't matter HOW nice she seems.
>It can happen.
>Just act natural.
"HI PEEP HOW'S YOUR MORNING BEEN SLEEP WELL I DIDN'T.
>Nailed it.

>"I um, s-slept well, thanks for asking. Is, is something wrong?"
"NAW I'M FUCKING PEACHY PEEP I'M SO GOOD."
>"...O-okay... G-good... s-so, I'm just gonna go over here now..."
>...Damn, I should be an actor!
>...
>I'm so scared of Blu right now...
>Just slowly walk towards Anon...
>Walk away...
>...
>Man, I'm so tired.
>And wet.
>And too tired to dry myself.
>And too wet to sleep.
>Sometimes I wonder if life is intentionally cruel.
>...
>Man, Earth or fucking not, I can make some bomb-ASS fucking waffles, man.
>I might as well take up the name Jesus here in Equestria.
>People can bow to me and my fucking Masterchef kitchen skills.
>I mean, look at that shit!
>It's literally like Heaven being cooked and mashed into a fucking imprinted slice of bread.
>The holiest of the whol-iest.
>Fucking porn on a plate-
>"-Is there something wrong with Blu, Anon?"
"You want a list? HAHAHA!"
>Why isn't she laughing too?
>...Okay, maybe the joke sounded a little less fucked up in my head.
"Sorry, continue."
>...Stop glaring!
>"She, I dunno, seems... off."
"Well, she did sleep outside yesterday, so-"
>"YOU MADE HER SLEEP OUTSIDE?!"
>Holy shit, calm down, Peep.
"Well yeah, don't you remember when I-"
>"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"
>Help me mom.
"Because she still needs to get out more and-"
>"EVEN AFTER HAVING A- UGH!"
>Um, uh, okay, sure?
>Just walk away mid-sentence.
>Yeah.
>...Jeez.
>...
>Whoo, Peep looks pissed off.
>What'd Anon say?
>Oh shit, she's looking at me.
>"I'm sorry you have to deal with him."
>She just left the house.
>What did that mean?
>Maybe this is about the date thing?
>What if Anon got Peep mad by telling her about it?
>What if he's severing the connection just to get to me?
>Oh god, what did I agree to earlier?
>He really did ask me to a date, didn't he?
>...
>Okay, so seriously, what was THAT all about?
>Not even Blu was that pissed off about sleeping outside.
>Well, best not to bring it up again, I guess.
>She already left the house anyways.

>Alright, well, there's more awesome waffles for me then!
>This whole thing, whatever had ticked Peep off, is definitely burning up brownie points though.
>Either I gain more, or just flat out tell her soon and hope for the best.
>Risky either way, honestly.
>Why can't things just be easy SOMEWHERE?
>Equestria may be a big improvement from Earth, but women don't seem to change anywhere.
"Blu, breakfast is ready!"
>And fucking sexy, might I add.
>Probably go so much better with some goddamn piggy strips though.
>I miss that stuff so much it hurts.
>I never wanted to become a fucking vegan for as long as I lived, now look at this shit.
>Almost everything I eat can fucking talk.
>Except chickens.
>...Hmm, there's a thought.
>Could cook me up some Scootaloo.
>I mean, that's all I fucking hear her being called when those damn three fillies are around.
>Kind of annoying, actually.
>Casually browsing stores while two fillies constantly scream 'chicken' at the top of their lungs isn't fucking fun.
>If Christmas was a thing here, I'd of already told them Santa was dead and watched them cry.
>"Waffles?"
>Why the hell do you say it like that?
>Waffles are a fucking godsend.
"Hell yeah, fucking waffles."
>"Okay."
>Damn, Peep was right.
>Blu does seem a bit off.
>I mean, she could've fucking explained that without screaming and storming out of the damn house, but still.
>She seems...
>Nervous. Apprehensive.
>I dunno.
>She's thinking about something, that's for sure.
>Hopefully not my death, if I managed to play my cards right here.
>Alright, don't think about that shit.
>Just make small talk, avoid talking about Peep, get dem brownie points back, turn Blu into an outdoors-y pony again, and we'll all be fucking happy.
>Damn. Easier said than done.
>"These are good waffles, Anon."
>HELL TO THE FUCKING YEAH THEY ARE-
"Thanks, Blu."
>Small smile from her.
>Great progress so far.
>Okay, just get on Blu's good side first. This can help out a bunch.

>Damn, I inhaled those fucking things.
>And Blu is eating so slowly...
>Resist the urge, Anon.
>Nigging her waffles would kill your progress here.
>-Aha, she's still wet!
>Perfect opportunity here!
>TO THE TOWEL CLOSET!
>Pick a nice blue one.
>TO THE KITCHEN TABLE!
>COMMENCE DRYING OF PONY!
>"A-Anon, what are you doing?"
>HA, she stuttered.
>She's picking up Peep's habits, it seems.
>I mean, Fluttershit is five hundred fucking times more shy than Peep, but not even she stutters when talking to me.
"I'm drying you off. You're still a bit wet."
>It's getting pretty difficult resisting the urge to be sarcastic here, honestly.
>Her wings just flew up.
>Must want me to dry them off, too, then.
>Well, it just means more brownie points for me!
>Damn, she is fucking drenched though.
>That rain really fucked her over.
>I seriously do feel like shit now.
>Well, at least she's not treating me like a shit.
>She's not even touching her waffles, either.
>Did... did I just hear the start of a moan?
>...Nah.
>The fuck am I thinking?
>Who gets off on being dried?
>It's not like wings are a sensitive spot or anything.
>This whole morning has just been fucking weird so far.
>Alrighty, drying session is through!
>Blu's... holding her breath for some reason.
"You, can breathe and put your wings down now."
>Is it really that hot in this place or what?
>Her cheeks are red.
>Well, I could imagine that being wet would make shit hotter.
>Humidity and crap.
>Isn't that how it works?
>Eh, whatever.
>Just wait for her to finish, then hit up SCC.
>It's going pretty good so far now.
>Don't fuck it anything up, Anon.
>You've done it plenty of times before.
>Just gotta be on your best behavior here.

>Wow, Blu takes forever to fucking eat.
>Everything about her today just seems... slow.
>It's weird.
>"A-are we going to go to Sugar Cube Corner now?"
>Naw, we're going to hell.
"Yep."
>Just throw them plates in the sink.
>It's still kind of bullshit that these damn ponies don't make plastic plates and shit.
>I mean, they DO, but they're not as available as they were back on Earth.
>It's shit.
>Like a lot of things here in Equestria.
>Now, onwards, to the corner of sugars in cubular formation!
>AWAAAAY!
>...
>
>Now we're at Sugar Cube Corner.
>I think it really IS a date.
>Back at the house, with the towel and stuff...
>There isn't much doubt now.
>But why would Anon take ME out on a date?
>I thought he had his eyes on Peep since he first met her?
>But the way she stormed out...
>I... I don't know.
>Now we're inside.
>This place smells of a sugar overload.
>There's almost zero ponie-
>"HI ANON!!"
>SHIT!?
>"Hey Pinkie."
>"What can I getcha for, monkey man?"
>"Hey, I thought I told you to stop callin- whatever. I'll just take some pumpkin bread or some shit. That's a thing here, right?"
>"Yupperoni!"
>"Good."
>Okay, it's purely coincidence that I love pumpkin bread.
>There's no way this can be a date or anything anyways.
>I'm... me.
>Not exactly sure what that means, but it's hella true.
>It just doesn't seem right.
"I-I'll get the same thing."
>"TWO PUMPKIN BREAD THINGIES!"
>"Pinkie there's no need to yell! We're both right here!"
>"Ooh, sorry Cakes!"
>...
>Damn, that was fucking quick.
>How did Pinkie already have this ready?
>Fuck it, don't question that shit.
>I'll go nuts.
>And meanwhile, why has Blu has been crazy silent?
>It's kind of fucking scary.
>Was buying this shit not enough?
>Do I have to sleep in the damn rain for forgiveness?
>Where did Peep go anyways?
>God, women are so confusing.
>I should've just become an outcast here, too.
>Already wasted a few years, so why not go the extra mile?
>HOLY SHIT PINKIE WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?!
>FUCK ME.

>"IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEPONY ISN'T SMILING!!"
>Thanks Pinkie, I didn't need eardrums anyways.
>Also, nobody is fucking saying anything.
>And you can't hear people smiling.
>That's stupid.
>"WHY AREN'T YOU SMILING?!"
>I can't speak for Blu on that one, but I'm sure being jumped at like that would be a fucking part of it.
>"W-what? I'm not-"
>"I CAN FEEEEL IT! YOU NEED A PARTY DO YOU WANT A CHEER UP PARTY?"
>"Not r-"
>"IT'S SETTLED THEN!! I GOTTA GO!"
>...I don't know either, Blu.
>Well, I guess I have plans for the rest of the day now.
>I should also look for Peep.
>And probably the dog.
>"Pinkie, are ya here?"
>Ugh, god, the fucking CMC.
>-And they HAVE THE FUCKING DOG.
>Looks like Blu's thinking the same thing.
>Grab the dog and fucking bolt
>At least, she MIGHT be thinking it.
>Whatever, I paid for this bitch, I'm getting her back.
>God, it's such a great feeling to be able to use the word in the right way.
"Hey girls."
>They look freaked the fuck out.
>Why though?
>It's not like I'm almost six times their size or anything.
>"Hey, Mr. Anonymous."
"That's a cute dog. Where'd you get 'em?"
>"Oh! This is our new club mascot, Cutie!"
>Oh my god, what a clever fucking name!
>How the hell did they EVER come up with that?
"That's nice, that's nice. There's just a little problem, though..."
>"What's that, Mr. Anonymous?"
>Okay, looks like Blu understood that little glance back.
"Well, for starters... THAT'S MY FUCKING DOG-"
>GRAB HER AND RUN!
>COME ON BLU LET'S FUCK OFF!
>"HEY! HE TOOK CUTIE!"
>"GET 'EM!"
>MUAHAHAHA!
>YOU CAN'T CATCH ME, FIENDS!
"YOU'LL NEVER GET ME LUCKY CHARMS!"

>
>WHOO, those damn fillies are FAST.
>Technically, I got the law against them, though.
>So stealing the dog and bolting wasn't exactly necessary.
>Fuck if it wasn't fun though.
>And a lot quicker.
>Yup, there they are, pounding on the door.
>"GIVE US CUTIE BACK!"
"Hell naw, I paid for her! You three just happened to stumble across her!"
>"Why don't you let the dog decide, huh?"
"Hey, money talks, and it says that this dog is fucking MINE. Now go tell on me or whatever you're gonna do. I got the papers."
>That's right, walk away.
>Can't win this time, you niggers.
>...
>Wow, I can't believe we just stole a dog from three fillies.
>Minus the moral pain here, that was FUN.
>And now I finally have my dog back!
>The one I still haven't named.
>Gotta think about that more.
>Also, the pumpkin bread was awesome!
>So far, the day's been pretty...
>...Awesome...
>No, NO, that wasn't a date!
>Why would it be?
>This is ALL just pure coincidence.
>It has to be.
>Plus, this is ANON we're talking about.
>Come ON Blu, get that through your head!
>It doesn't matter HOW nice he seems sometimes, this is ANON.
>The one who kicked you out to live in a bird nest out in the rain.
>Also the one who got you a dog.
>Gave you a real home.
>Fed and cared for you.
>-NO.
>Being dragged to a party and left outside ISN'T very caring.
>Stop it Blu.
>Just because you haven't been outside in a while doesn't mean you need to set your bar so low.
>There's probably loads of other available stallions out here-
>WAIT, FUCK. NO.
>WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, BLU?!
>Screw stallions, screw Anon, screw everything!
>The plan is just to survive this shit, get back to writing, and fulfill what your beautiful readers asked for.
>If possible.
>Now with the dog...
>The weird panic attacks...
>How did so many things happen in such a short time?

>How will things get back to normal, anyways?
>Will I ever see my room again?
>And now with a dog to care for...
>Ugh.
>Too much thinking.
>I just want to sleep and let things sort themselves out.
>I don't care if it's still the morning.
>I'll take the whole day up.
>Anon's looking at me.
>The hell you want?
>"If you wanna sleep in my bed, that's fine. You don't look like you had a great sleep."
>Yeah, I wonder why.
>Well, at least it seems he's trying to make up for it.
>Maybe that's all it is?
>Maybe he doesn't like me that way?
>Ooh, then what about Peep?
>Where is she, anyways?
>Ugh, I'm too tired to think about it.
>Might as well take up Anon's offer.
>As long as he doesn't try climbing into bed with me or some stupid stuff like that.
>I'll kick him in the face if he tries.
>Alrighty, just a short walk to his room.
>Wow, this place is a lot cleaner than I thought it'd be.
>There's also no electronics or any devices anywhere.
>Just a shelf full of books and some figurines and stuff.
>I wonder if he'd become a loser again if all his things were back here.
>That'd turn the tables pretty quick.
>Then I'd finally be free!
>-Ugh, but then I'd have to get a job...
>And give up my writing and saved games!
>Such a scary thought.
>Ooh, this bed is crazy soft.
>Memory foam is the absolute best.
>Nothing compared to clouds, but pretty dang close.
>Plus, clouds were pretty scary.
>Being made of vapor and stuff, it's like sleeping on nothing.
>LITERALLY nothing.
>You just feel like you're suspended in mid-air.
>I'd never sleep like that.
>I'll take jabbing sticks over falling at midnight any day.
>Oh hey, there's the dog.
>Still don't know what to name her.
>NAME HER PUMPKIN.
>Wow, okay, geez brain, I'll do it.

>Hmm, I guess that fits a bit anyways.
>I mean, I DO love pumpkin bread.
>And it'll be a nice reminder of the day Anon and I stole her from some small fillies.
>It's perfect.
>Nice going, me.
>Now, onto the second order of business.
>Sleeping.
>Hopefully WELL this time.
>
>Something's licking me.
>"Heh, Pumpkin, stop it!"
>Man, this-
>-OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT A FUCKING DOG.
"ANON?! WHAT THE FUCK?!"
>"Oh please, don't pretend like you didn't like that."
"I DON'T!!"
>"Pfft! You can't lie to me, Blu. I am a very perceptive person!"
>EW GOD ANON!
>"Aw come on, don't fly away! Just come back to the bed, I'll show you a good time, promise~"
"FUCK OFF ANON!"
>"Gonna be the hard way, then, huh? That's great..."
>OH FUCK I'M CORNERED.
>THERE'S NO ROOM TO FLY AWAY!!
>H-he's so close to me now...
>"...The hard way is just how I like it..."
>Eugh, h-his tongue...
>W-why is he doing this?
>H-hey! Hands off my flanks!
>P-please...
>
"WHAT THE FU- AAH!?!"
>WHERE AM I?!
>...O-oh...
>I-it was all just a dream...
>"The fuck is going on here?!"
>Okay, Anon's been outside...
"S-sorry, I just had a... I had a nightmare..."
>"Oh... You, uh, I dunno, want to talk about it, oor-"
"NO!! I-I mean, n-no. I'm fine..."
>"Oh. Uh, alrighty then?"
>My face is wet.
>Pumpkin is lying next to me.
>Why would you do such a thing, Pumpkin?
"Um, c-can you take Pumpkin out, too? I-I just need to sleep alone."
>"Sure thing. That's the dog, right?"
"Yeah..."
>"Huh, decent name. I'd of probably named it Bitches or something."
>"...Uh, yeah, come on Pumpkin, let's go to the living room!"
>Okay, the dog left.
>Anon closed the door.
>I-I should lock it.
>J-just in case...

>Whoo, it's freaking HOT in this room.
>Seriously, did Anon cut the damn power or something?
>Nope, the fan is still on.
>So why is it so hot?
>Well, it's three in the afternoon, so I guess I should get out of bed anyways.
>Ugh, sunlight.
>My only weakness.
>"Wow, Blu, I was thinking for a moment that you died in there or something."
>Shut up Anon, what do you know?
"I only came out because it's hot as heck in there!"
>"...In MY room? Mine's the coolest one in the house!"
"No it's NOT! It's like a damn furnace in there! See for yourself!"
>Stupid Anon.
>"It's cold as shit in here! What are you talking about?"
"No it's not! Look, I'm even SWEATING!"
>"Hmm. Maybe you're just weird."
>Fuck you Anon.
>You don't even know.
>Door knock!
>It's Peep.
>"Oh. Hey, Peep."
>"Hi."
>Ooh, she still sounds a bit irked.
>I'll just uh, I'll just go over here.
>Maybe I should shower.
>That'd probably cool me off.
>...
"Look, I'm sorry about all the-"
>"Don't apologize to ME. Blu was the one outside."
"I've been trying to! I felt horrible about sending her outside even before you said anything."
>She doesn't look convinced.
>Okay, now she does.
>"I-I'm sorry. I just, ever since I had to deal with my mom going through the same thing, I just..."
>FUCK YEAH SHE'S SAD!
>PERFECT OPPORTUNITY HERE!
>GO FOR THE HUG, JACKASS!
"It's alright, Peep. I get it."
>I really don't. I have no fucking clue what she's talking about.
>But hey, I got my brownie points back!
>...I think.
>Oh shit, is she crying? Kick it into 'comforting friend' mode once more!
"Shh, it's alright, Peep."
>Probably.
>Daaamn, great fucking progress here!
>Soon, SOON, I shall finally be able to tell her!
>SOOOOOOON.

>
>SWEET SACK OF SHIT I'M IN HEAT.
>OH GOD NO WONDER I COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT ANON EARLIER.
>NO WONDER SO MANY STALLIONS WERE APPROACHING ME AT THAT DAMN PARTY.
>NO WONDER WHY I WAS SO HOT IN THAT FUCKING ROOM.
>OH GOD WHY.
>WHY DID ANON FORCE ME OUTSIDE.
>THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED HAD I STAYED INSIDE.
>STUPID ANON.
>...
>Finally Peep is happy and shit again.
>It's kinda like she never even got mad at me in the first place.
>All seems well for onc-
*DING DONG*
>Who the hell is that?
"Yeah? Who is-"
>"IIIIIIIITS PARTY TIIIIIIIIME!"
>HOLY SHIT SEA OF PONIES.
>M-MY HOUSE.
>I'M DROWNING!
>H-HELP!
>...
>Huh, there's a lot of commotion going on outside.
>Is something going on or-
>WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PONIES IN THE HOUSE?!
>Oh god, a stallion spotted me!
>Hide!

>Huzuh, where am I?
>What's going on?
>"Blu, are you in there?"
>That's Anon.
>I must've fallen asleep.
>In the bathtub.
>In the bathroom.
>In the dark.
>...Eh, I've done weirder things.
>"Blu, Blu, open the door!"
>Nope, I'm not here!
>"BLU PEEP AND I ARE PRACTICALLY SUFFOCATING IN OUT OWN HOUSE LET US IN!"
>Ugh, what a baby.
>So, you take me away from my wonderful room, force me to go to some stupid party, make me sleep outside in the rain, buy me a dog, STEAL the dog, and then let Pinkie start a party in our house?
>While I just found out today that I'm in HEAT?
>Screw you, Anon.
>You have no right to whine.
>I'm stuck with the crappy part of pony anatomy, I have every reason to.
>Peep is so lucky.
>Honestly, eggs sound better than this 'heat' crap.
>I'm still not even sure how that works!
>Peep and I have a mare-mom, but she gets eggs, and I get... THIS?
>Just doesn't add up.
>"Blu, can you please let us in? Me and Anon are getting crushed. We have Pumpkin!"
>Dang, my only weakness.
"...Fine."
>Aww, hey, Pumpkin!
>"AW SHIT!-"
>PFT, HAHA, YOU FELL ON YOUR FACE!
>"Shut the door!!"
>Oh, right!
>"Hey, I really need to g-"
"COME BACK TOMORROW WE'RE CLOSED."
>"B-bu-"
>WHAM, door right in his FACE!
>...Hey buddy, hitting the door won't open it!
>"...Please?"
"Sir, the bathroom is closed!"
>He's sobbing.
>What a loser.
>Alright, let's assess the situation here.
>So, Anon and Peep are now here in the bathroom while a party runs rampant in the house.
>Probably destroying ever-
>-Yeah, that was definitely the sound of glass breaking.
>Glorious.

>Glad they can't get into my room.
>I'd be devastated.
>...Wow I really hope that doesn't happen.
>But I probably just made it happen.
>...Holy heck, it better not happen.
>Unless everyone here wants to be dead.
>"Fucking Pinkie Pie... Shoulda known she'd pull this shit."
>You know, that's TRUE.
>Pinkie definitely isn't innocent here.
>So now I have some choices.
>Either kill Pinkie, for starting this, Anon, for taking me there in the first place, or everyone in this house, for just being here.
>Choices, choices.
>"Soo... Anyone want to play cards?"
>
"GO FISH, FUCKERS, CHECK IT!"
>Oh yeah, flash them cards.
>"This is bullshit! This is the fourth fucking time! It doesn't make sense!!"
"That's LOSER talk, Anon! LOOOSER TAAALK."
>"FUCK YOU LET'S GO AGAIN!"
>Man, Peep looks so scared.
>Scared of LOSING- OOOOOOH!!
>No, but seriously, she looks spooked.
>Doesn't look like Anon's getting any baby pigeons anytime soon.
>That poor guy.
>That poor, extremely-crap-at-cards guy.
>...Maybe you should help them out somehow.
>If Anon continues to be, well, him, then he'll never get Peep.
>And they might hate each other.
>Then leave you between them two.
>And make you choose.
>And then hate you if you choose.
>Or hate you if you DON'T choose.
>Or just make things very awkward.
>Well... there's always Pumpkin.
>I could always become a crazy dog pony.
>-Aww, Pumpkin looks so cute sleeping.
>"LET'S DO THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!"
>Jeez, calm down, Anon.
>It's just go fish.
>
"I win again, woo. Can we stop playing, now?"

>"NO FUCK YOU!"
>At this point, winning is boring.
>The wet towel under me's done well to stop the urges, meanwhile.
>Peep and Pumpkin are sleeping.
>Peep actually just knocked out during a game, so she's lying on her cards.
>Anon still hasn't noticed.
>He's really keen on trying to beat me at this game.
>Not my fault I'm a pro at it.
>I still remember when I first started, that day that my dad tried to take me fishing.
>I always thought it was funny when mom got mad at him for trying to teach me how to hunt them.
>And then the look on her face when she thought we were fishing, but instead caught us playing go fish.
>It was hilarious.
>And I learned how to fish anyways, so that's a plus!
>Anon yawns and barely stops himself from falling back.
"Anon, can we not play this anymore? I'm so tired."
>"FUCK. YOU."
>Ugh.
>Stupid Anon.
>-Seriously, how many times have I said that already?
>And why is it so true?
>Nobody's even partying anymore; everything's silent.
>Peep's snoring.
>If I didn't know that Anon would gloat like a loser, I'd just purposely lose right now.
>But, you know.
>I'd rather lose sleep than my winning streak.
>I mean, I don't go around strutting my stuff, but if someone wins at something I KNOW I'm good at, and rubs it in my face, it gets me ticked off beyond measurement.
>I shall not allow Anon to do that.
>For BOTH of our sakes.
>Mine because it'd piss me off, and his because I'd rip him in half for it.
>Anon passes me five more cards.
"Anon. Let's stop playing already."
>Flipping ME off, huh?
>Hope you like halves!
>"MY CARDS!!"
>Alright, just drop the mic and walk away.
>...And ignore that feeling coming back.
>Just unlock, open the door- Pumpkin joining for dramatic effect.
>Simply walk out while Anon cries.
>Wait, why is Pinkie still here?
>She's cleaning.
"Uh, Pinkie?"
>Wow, she looks crazy exhausted.
>"I-I didn't mean to make a mess of the place..."

>Well, everything looks perfect now.
>Wonder how it looked right after the party?
>Also, it kind of is her fault for having a party in the first place.
>Not like I asked for one.
>"...Done... Now, now I'm just gonna... gonna..."
>Whelp, she passed out.
>...It's still her fault.
>-Oh snap!
>I should check my room!
>...Ooh, I swear, if my room is messed up, I'M GONNA FREAKING-
>Oh, it's fine!
>...Good!
>Now time to crash on the couc-
>WHAT THE HELL, ANON?
>WHY ARE YOU MOVING THE DAMN COUCH OUTSIDE?!
>"My house, my rules, and I say that you're still sleeping outside."
>YOU STUPID- RRRGH MY MOUTH IS FOAMING!!!
>YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO, ANON?!
>DO YOU SEE- URK!
>SWEATING!
>HEAVY BREATHING!
>SICK FEELING!
>-PANIC ATTACK!!!
>THANKS A LOT ANON.
>
>Ugh, well that's still horribly unpleasant.
>What time is it?
>Five in the morning?
>Ugh, I hate mornings.
>-Hey wait, I'm not lying outside!
>And I'm on the couch!
>INSIDE the house!
>Huh.
>Okay, so now I can mark off "brutally murder Anon" from my to-do list!
>-Aww, Pumpkin, you're so cuute!
>Mmpf... must... belly rub!
>DAWWW
>...

>...
>Yep, five in the morning.
>No surprise there.
>Even with three hours of sleep, my body still sees five in the morning as a fit time to wake up.
>You stupid prick.
>Wonder how Blu's doing meanwhile?
>Yesterday was kind of... heated.
>It's like I'm secretly more of a dick than I thought.
>That has to stop.
>And leaving Peep sleeping on the floor like that probably bumped me down again.
>I need to find some way to fix this shit.
>Some way to get Peep back.
>Things were just fine before I had Blu stay out of her room...
>But if I let Blu stay like that, she'll just end up living a horrible, eventually unfulfilling life.
>I can't doom her with that fate.
>And she was doing just fine before I showed her Earth tech...
>So, if I give Blu my attention, Peep will hate me, and if I give Peep my attention, Blu will probably go crazy and become a neckbeard again.
>And Peep would probably still hate me for not giving Blu attention.
>Damn...
>If only Blu were more helpful and open to the idea.
>She's not exactly making this whole thing an easy fucking process.
>...

>...
"You want the stick? Huh? You want it? Go get i-"
>*CRASH*
>-Yup, that was a window.
"PUMPKIN COME ON BACK!"
>Hide, hide, hide!
>Hop under the covers!
>I was never here!
>Who is Blu?
>I don't know any "Blu" pony.
>"...WHAT IN THE NAME OF JESUS FUCK WAS THAT? BLU, WAS THAT YOU?"
>I'm sleeping.
>I imagine rolling plains, soft fields of grass-
>"SON OF A- no, you know what, no, it's alright, I forgive you, Blu!"
>PURE LIES!
>Pretend to wake up!
>Cue yawn!
"Ugh, what's with all the yawning, Anon? It's so early- woah, how did THAT happen?"
>DAMMIT HE'S ONTO ME!
>HE'S GIVING ME THAT STUPID LOOK!
"...What?"

>"I'm not stupid, Blu."
"-PFFFFT HAHA-MPF!"
>Must, contain, laughter!
>"Really, laughing at ME? Remember calculus?"
>...Damn.
>Okay, he's got that one.
>"But I'm not mad about the window, Blu. I'm vowing to stay not-angry at everything from now on."
>Might as well ask a dog to meow while you're at it, too.
>"Which, actually brings me to my NEXT order of business..."
>Okay, he's walking towards me.
>He looks pretty serious.
>Should I be a bit worried?
>"Blu..."
>Oh shoot, did he find my snack stash?!
>"Can you help me?"
>Wait... what?
>Commence confused look!
>"I, uh, need help to... uh... well... I kinda want to..."
"WHAAAT."
>"I need you to help get Peep to like me."
>Hmmm...
"What's in it for me?"
>Wow, his expression changed really quickly.
>It's not like I'm going to ask for world domination or anything.
>Though, that WOULD be really cool.
>"You can't have your room back."
>WHAT?!
"HEEELL NAW, NO DEAL, THEN!"
>Have fun winning Peep by yourself, stupid!
>"Look, I just-"
"N-UH, TALK TO THE HOOF!"
>"Blu, just-"
"NOOOOOOPE!"
>"BUT-"
"NAH!"
>"I-"
"NEVER-"
>"FINE YOU'LL GET YOUR FUCKING ROOM BACK!!"
>...Damn, Anon.
>Probably woke Peep up.
>Nice job.
"Already failed, Anon."
>He loses his angry look.
>"What?"
"You just finished getting mad minutes after saying you wouldn't. Shows how determined you are to win Peep over!"
>His expression falls.
>Great, so now, not only did I get my room back, but I justified my whining in the greatest way possible!
>Woo, Blu, you are one silver-tongued devil.
>Time to make my Speech skill legendary again!

>This was finally it.
>Moment of truth time.
>After loads of boring planning and such, our plan was finally in motion.
>Here comes Peep!
"Eagle One is now en route to your location, I repeat-"
>"Yes, yes, I see her!"
"Fuck you, Anon! That attitude will get you smacked in the face!"
>"Shit, right, right! Okay, let's do this!"
>Okay, do a casual survey of the scene.
>Alright, Anon looks alright, Peep is slowly approaching him on the bench, and my walkie talkie is amazing!
>"H-hey, Peep!"
>"Hi, Anon!"
>Sitting on the bench with Anon.
>So far, so good.
>This plan better work.
>And those "Combo" things he was talking about better be worth it.
>I worked too hard on this plan.
>...For a few minutes.
>"Soo, nice day, huh, Peep?"
>"Y-yeah, it's nice."
"You're losing her already, get to the point!!"
>"-What was that?"
>"What was what?"
>"I think I heard Blu-"
>"You must be crazy! I didn't hear anything."
"YOU STUPID IDIOT WHY'D YOU CALL HER CRAZY?!"
>"I think-"
>"Do you want to have dinner with me?"
"ABORT, ANON, YOU CAN'T SAVE IT-"
>"...D-dinner?"
>"Yeah, you know, just the two of us... I just feel like we haven't talked enough lately, with how crazy things have been, and I kind of just want to have a nice, fun time for once, you know?"
>Ooh, that was pretty bad, Anon.
>She'll never say yes to tha-
>"Y-yeah, that sounds nice!"
>Wait what.
>"R-really?"
>She's nodding.
>Well dang, that was a lot easier than I expected-
>"How about at seven?"
>"Sure!"
>Man, either I'm some kind of genius, or Peep just has REAALLY low standards.
>...Oh well.
>It worked, right?
>And here I was, expecting a horrible rejection, some crying, and an opportunity to get more out of the deal from Anon.
>Huh.