Love Stinks

Please, please, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeee Lisa?" Lincoln dropped to his knees while his sister seemingly ignored him, carefully mixing chemicals.
"I've tried everything I can think of to talk to Christina, but nothing seems to work. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The beaker released a small explosion into Lisa's face, and while she cleaned her soot covered glasses she turned to her brother, a small bottle of bubblegum pink bubbling liquids in her hand.
"Forshtunately Lincoln you've provided me with the perfect chance to tesht my newisht creation. These potent pheromones will cause any girl to view you as her ideal mate." Lisa pulled the vial away from Lincoln's reaching hands as she continued.
"You may tesht my pheromones on two condishtions. Firsht you must promise to give me a full report on everything that happens. Shecond, you must eat all my vegetables for a month."
"Two weeks".
"Three."
"Deal."
Before Lisa could react Lincoln was already running down the hall with the vial. He turned around to shout that she was the best sister ever, only to run head first into a texting Lori. Lincoln felt the fluids splash all over him as he fell to the ground, an angry looking Lori standing over him with her hands on her hips.
"My room. Now."
Lincoln's apologizes fell on deaf ears as Lori dragged him into her room and threw him on her bed. He landed with a soft thud as Lori left the room and slammed the door behind her. Lincoln laid back on the bed, waiting for Lori to come back and bite his head off.
"Great, now I have to eat Lisa's vegetables and I didn't even get a chance to ask out Christina. Could this day get any worse?"
As if some cruel being had heard his prayers, Lori entered the room and locked the door behind her. She turned around toward Lincoln, looking frustrated.
"Do you know why I'm mad?"
Lincoln had a long list, including PMS and a need to get laid(whatever that meant, he heard Dad say it once), but that didn't seem to be the wisest response right now.
"I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I going Lori but -"
"You had to see me, I understand Bobby. But we can't risk being caught like this. Imagine if my parents, or Leni, or like, Lincoln, caught us. That would literally be the worst thing ever."
Lincoln sat confused while Lori began rummaging through the drawer on the nightstand beside her bed.
"But Lori-" Lincoln started before Lori quickly pushed her finger against his lips, looking him in the eyes a way she never had before. She placed her hand behind his head, and placed her nose against his.
"It's okay sugarbear, I know you have needs. I told Leni to find her sunglasses, so we should have about 30 minutes before she realizes they're on her head. Until then," Lori held up a pair of handcuffs and a grin that sent shivers down Lincoln's spine.
"Umm, yeah babe, totally" Lincoln said giving his best Bobby impression, "But uhh, we should probably do this at my place. That's why I came over. It'll be more, uh, romantic." Lincoln nervously smiled back at Lori, who quickly grabbed him into a hug right against her bosom.
" Oh Bobby you're so sweet, let's go right now." Lori started dragging Lincoln, who grabbed onto the doorframe for dear life.
"You should head over first babe, I'll be right there. Gotta do some, uhh, guy stuff." Lori grabbed a backpack from under her bed and started putting an array of unusual objects from under her bed into it. Handcuffs, candles, a sleepmask?
"Okay sweetie-pie, you do your guy stuff while I get us ready for tonight. Does your Dad still have that rope for his camping supplies?"However Lincoln had already bolted out the door and down the hall, ducking into the first room he could before Lori could have the chance to catch up with him.
"I guess I should have paid attention when Lisa said I'd be ANY girl's ideal mate." Lincoln caught his breath and looked around to see whose room he was hiding in. The collection of rock posters  made it apparent that this was Luna and Luan's room, which was fortunately empty. "As long as I can get out of the house without running into any more of my sisters I can go find out what type of guy is Christina's ideal man. Easy, right?"
Lincoln turned to open the door only to walk right into his sister Luna.
"Ooh mate, watch where you're goin Luaaaaaa-" Luna's jaw dropped as she saw Lincoln, who quickly grasped that to Luna he was probably
"MICK SWAGGER! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Luna slammed the door behind her and jumped onto Lincoln as he tried to run away. "I can't believe you're here in my room dude! I totally LOVE you!" Lincoln squirmed as his much heavy sister sat on him, trying to think of a way to escape before Luna started cutting locks of his hair.
"You know Mick, when I heard you I was just a little girl. But I'm a woman now", Luna grinned as her hands went up her back.
"Luna you don't understand, it's me" but Lincoln stopped and stared flabbergasted as Luna flashed her perky freckled C-cups in his face.
"Didn't have these puppies when I first heard ya Mick. What do ya think?" Luna's hands grabbed Lincoln's and draped them over herself. "I guess you do like em, huh?" Luna shifted herself on Lincoln's growing crotch, and Lincoln couldn't even cover his eyes as he felt up his first pair of breasts.
"I uh, um, I mean" Lincoln stammered as Luna lowered her chest on Lincoln's face, his attempt to squirm out only causing him to rub more vigorously against Luna.
"Ummphmumph"
"What was that love?" Luna lifted herself so "Mick" could breath, and Lincoln saw the intensity in Luna's face meant he had to hurry before decided to smother him with something else.
"Eh love, me tour bus is outback so why don't we go there to carry on, wot wot God save the queen?" Luna quickly rose off Lincoln and started running down the stairs.
"This is the greatest day of my LIFE! You coming Mick?" Luna went back to her room, but by then Lincoln was already crawling through the vents towards freedom.
"I'm not sure if I'm going to need therapy because I saw my sister's breasts, or because I liked it, but as long as I travel through the vents I shouldn't run into anyone else, right?" Lincoln turned the corner towards his room, only to scream as he ran head first into Lucy.
"Lucy what are you doing in here?"
"This is my new secret dark place. I come to be here completely alone and unseen, and yet cruel fate brings us together Edwin."
Lincoln did his best to crawl backwards through the vent as Lucy crawled toward him, her hands grabbing the collar of his shirt.
"Oh Edwin, I know a creature of the night such as yourself is forbidden to love a mortal, but we cannot deny our feelings."
Lincoln's eyes grew like dinnerplates as Lucy face was mere centimeters in front of his, and felt her breath on his lips.
"Lucy I-"Lincoln tried to gasp as Lucy pulled him in close for a kiss, and felt her tongue invade his mouth. Lucy had obviously payed close attention to what they did on "Vampires of Melancholia", and Lincoln struggled to get free as she ran her tongue against his canines. Lincoln slipped out of his shirt and crawled double time through the vents, willing to jump out of any exit he could find.
Lincoln fell into the living room, falling on top of Luan.
"Hi Lincoln, I guess you've really FALLEN for me, get it? Hahahaha" Luan laughed at her own joke as Lincoln stared confused.
Lincoln ran out the door and thanked his lucky stars that Luan hadn't been affected by the pheromones. Were they wearing off? It didn't matter, Lincoln was out the door and
*THOOM*
covered in rain as a thunderstorm washed off any chance of Lincoln being able to ask out Christina. Lincoln stomped back into the house, soaking wet and frustrated that today had been a total waste. Lincoln sulked up the steps, stopping only to talk Leni's sunglasses off her head and hand them to her. Lincoln shut the door behind him as he entered his room, and laid down on his bed ignoring how cold and uncomfortable he was. It just wasn't fair. Lincoln certainty wasn't about to cry about how unfair it was when he heard a knocking at his door.
"Go away!" he chocked out as the door opened anyway.
"I don't want to talk to anyone right now Christina CHRISTINA! What are you doing here? I mean" Lincoln stammered as Christina shut the door behind her and propped it closed with a chair. She sauntered over to Lincoln's bed and pushed him back onto the bed.
"I see you're wet Lincoln. You're not the only one. Hahaha" Christina pressed her lips against Lincoln's as she begin to pull his shirt off. Lincoln smiled as Christina began to undress, and thought that maybe today wasn't do bad after all.
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That evening as Lincoln slept soundly "Christina" handed Lisa a copy of the video of Lincoln's escapades today, and Lisa handed Luan another vial of pheromones.
"Thanksh Luan, with thish I can shtudy the effects of the pheromones."
"No problem Lisa! Believe me when I say you're not the only one who wants to watch this video again and again!"