Sigh

Alexithymiaa: -Adam stood up in his room, his laptop open on his dresser with Ultra's livestream playing from it. His suitcase was open on the floor behind him and he carefully turned to take things out of it, either pitching dirty clothes into the laundry basket he'd set to the side or replacing clean ones inside his dresser drawer. He occasionally looked over at Nikki who hadn't said a peep the entire time. // Nikki sat on the bed with Lady sprawled next to her being cute, her face clearly red and swollen from all the crying she'd done over the last week. She sat in complete silence, staring down at the dog as she stroked her hand over her fur.-
Tsaaq: Hayley walked up the stairs with her mug of coffee she pursed her lips a moment before heading to Adam's room and moving the curtain aside a little. "Um... Need any help?" She offered. Looking between the two of them.
Alexithymiaa: -Adam lifted his head from sorting his laundry, glancing over at Hayley. "I'm okay. Just unpacking." He turned to look at Nikki, raising his brows. "Do you need anything? Are you hungry?" // Nikki just shook her head without lifting her eyes from the dog.-
Tsaaq: "Oh." She replied and bit the inside of her cheek. "Uh. Okay." Hayley shrugged and just sort of stood there awkwardly.
Alexithymiaa: -He watched Nikki and sighed. "I'll be right back, okay?" He turned and took Hayley by the hand, stepping out of his bedroom and into the common area, dropping his voice to a whisper. "I don't know what to do. I feel so bad... she's barely even talking."-
Tsaaq: She took a sip of her mug then pursed her lips a moment. "I uh..." Hayley trailed off. "I don't know what to do either honestly." She said as she shrugged again.
Alexithymiaa: -He sighed, bringing his hand up to sweep back through his hair. "I guess it's kind of a weird situation. But I'm kind of afraid to leave her alone for any extended period of time. She's... really off right now."-
Tsaaq: "You have to eventually." Hayley said quietly. "She has to sleep or something..." She muttered then glanced around the corner. "Maybe we should take her to a greif counselor or something?"
Alexithymiaa: "Maybe..." He trailed off, glancing over at the doorway to his room. "But what if she won't go? Not that she's really said much anyway..."-
Tsaaq: Hayley shifted on her feet and lowered her head. "I don't really know her Adam and I don't really know anything about the situation. I don't know." She sighed.
Alexithymiaa: "You don't know anything about the situation?" He asked, his brows furrowing. "Her mom died. That's the situation."-
Tsaaq: "No I mean-" Hayley stammered and then sputtered her lips. "I don't know what to say to somebody who's mom has died. I don't know anything about handling that." She sighed. "I'm sorry, that isn't on my list of horrible life experiences, unfortunately."
Alexithymiaa: "Well it's not exactly something I've ever had to deal with either." he paused and took a step back to peer into his room just to check on Nikki who was still sitting in the exact same place before returning to Hayley. "I don't think you can really force someone to talk to a counselor."-
Tsaaq: She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It was just a suggestion cause I can't really think of anything else." She said as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "I don't really want to make her do anything she's allowed to be left and and not be bothered by anyone as far as I'm concerned. That's what I would want."
Alexithymiaa: "But I dont want anything bad to happen." He kept his voice low, glancing down at his feet a little uncomfortably.-
Tsaaq: "Like what?" Hayley asked with a raise of her eyebrow.
Alexithymiaa: "I don't know, that's the problem. I know she's in a bad place now and I just don't want her to do anything she would regret." He let out a small sigh, glancing back in the direction of his room.-
Tsaaq: She narrowed her eyes at him. "What could she do that she'd regret if she's sitting in a room and not talking to anyone?" Hayley asked carefully. "Is that your passive agressive way of being worried about her killing herself or something?" She asked in a monotone.
Alexithymiaa: -He turned his head quickly back to look into Hayley's face, just staring. "My passive agressive way? What is that supposed to mean?"-
Tsaaq: "You're acting like her sitting there greiving is like, the most terrifying and uncalled for reaction ever. When there's nothing scary about it. She's sad. She's mourning. She lost somebody she cares about. I mean, I've tried to kill myself several times. I'm pretty sure I can catch the flags." Hayley said softly. "And honestly, it just sounds like you were too scared to say it. Because what else could she do that she'd regret sitting in a room by herself?"
Alexithymiaa: "Well first of all, you're being a little insensitive. Second, I don't know what she's doing. Just because she's sitting by herself doesn't mean she's not fully capable of going through my room and finding something to hurt herself with. Hell, my pocket knife is sitting on the dresser right there in front of her. I know she's grieving and I know it's normal, which is why I want to give her the time to mourn her loss here where I can make sure she doesn't do something she would regret in the moment of intense emotion and distress instead of sending her back to school to be completely alone." He puffed out his cheeks, staring down into Hayley's face. "There won't be any flags to catch if she's by herself all the time, not to mention I can't imagine you'll be spending all that much time with her especially considering you just said it yourself, she should be left alone."-
Tsaaq: She stared at Adam a moment. "I'm being insensitive?" She whispered a moment. "Where were you when I was trying to hang myself, or swallowing sleeping pills or trying to drink bleach? And each time, having to deal with people telling me to get over it? Until they realize 'Hey she's gotta be taken somewhere!' Which is way worse, but anyways it doesn't matter cause that's not even what I'm saying. She's more than allowed to be sad. I never said it was a contest. I'm just saying, if you're worried about that. Say you're worried about that. Don't dance around it like it's a Mexican hat." Hayley said. "I don't really know what you want me to to do them. I'm going to my room. I'm not a psychologist. I can't help." She took a large gulp of her coffee.
Tsaaq: ((to do then***))
Alexithymiaa: "What are you talking about?" He stammered, blinking a few times. "I've never been anywhere, but right next to you throughout everything, trying to help you. I've always been your biggest cheerleader and it's really not fair for you to accuse me of not doing my best to help you." He let out a deep sigh, dragging his hands down his face. "I wasn't asking for a professional opinion. I was just asking for help, for once, because I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can help I just know I want to help. I'm sorry that was too much to ask from you." He turned, keeping his chin down as he shook his head, stepping away from her to walk back into his bedroom, moving back in front of the dresser to glance at the livestream on his computer.-
Tsaaq: Hayley turned and rolled her eyes as she went to his room. "It's so easy to play the role of perfect supportive boyfriend without actually doing boyfriend things with me." She said to Adam in a monotone. She pursed her lips before going over to Nikki and going to crouch down in front of her. "Do you want him breathing down your neck each and every second of this visit?" She asked carefully.
Alexithymiaa: "What do you want me to do, Hayley? First you accuse me of not being there for you, but then when that turns out to be false you're going to accuse me of not being romantic enough? I'm sorry, okay? Please tell me what else I can do for you." He spoke a little sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest, not even caring that Nikki was in the room. // Nikki just stared basically through Hayley, not saying a word.-
Tsaaq: "You aren't romantic enough. And you know you aren't. And you're not sorry, or you would try." Hayley rose to her feet. "But that's not what I'm in here for. You said I wasn't helping well now I'm here. Even though I made it very clear I don't know how to help either. But I admit to being useless. You're the one who spun it to seem like I wasn't willing to help."
Alexithymiaa: "Yeah, I am sorry. Sorry that I'm being romantic is last on my list of concerns when I'm too busy trying to make everything else perfect and trying to do everything else you need me to do and need me to be. I'm doing my best, Hayley. I'm sorry that my best isn't what you want, but I don't know what else to tell you." He glanced at Nikki for a moment, lowering the intensity of his voice. "Can we not do this, please?" // Nikki's eyes followed the two of them back and forth, yet still silent.-
Tsaaq: Hayley crossed her arms over her chest. "No." She said quietly. "Because now I have so many other things to ask. Since when has everything else been perfect? And I don't even want it to be perfect, I just want to feel loved. That would feel perfect. And I never said your best wasn't what I wanted. Stop putting words in my mouth." She murmured. "It just feels like I love you and you just like me. And I'm starting to get frustrated. That's all. Since you want to keep this conversation going."
Alexithymiaa: -He glanced at Nikki one more time before stepping out of his room since he didn't want to continue the conversation in front of her, waiting for Hayley to follow him before speaking again. "I said I was trying to make everything else perfect. Not that it was. You said it yourself just minutes earlier when you accused me of not being there for you when you were sick. Since that point I've been doing everything in my power to make you feel loved, but it just seems like because it's not in the form of some sort of unspoke boyfriend code, it doesn't count."-
Tsaaq: She grit her teeth as she walked backwards out of the room and stared up at him."It's not that it doesn't count. It's just..." She trailed off. "It just feels like you're just taking care of me. Which is nice it just doesn't feel... Intimate. And yeah I'm grateful because you're a great friend and you're supportive and helpful. But it feels like you don't know how to do anything but be that. And having my friend as my love of my life is great but I feel like every time I'm in a relationship nobody wants to be romantic with me. And I'm sorry that's something that crosses my mind often but it's just depressing to know that nobody who I'm with they just assume that I'm okay with it."  She pouted. "I don't want you to feel like nothing you've done matters-" She paused. "You didn't even ask me if I wanted to come with you to the funeral. I was going to. I wanted to be supportive..."
Alexithymiaa: "That felt wrong..." He started, trying to pick his words. "I appreciate that you wanted to be supportive for me, but I was really going to be supportive for Nikki and her family. As much as I've known her family and her mother personally for years, and yeah I was and still am pretty upset about Mrs. Lambert, I was going to be a good friend. For me to bring someone else along felt a little disrespectful, otherwise I would have asked you." He sighed, slipping his hands into his pockets. "I'm sorry that I don't know how to be more intimate with you. I guess I'm just doing all I've ever really known and am comfortable with."-
Tsaaq: Hayley frowned as she lowered her head. "Okay." She sighed. "I guess that does make sense. I just felt shitty cause it just seemed like you already made up your mind." She nodded solemnly. "Yeah well... It's okay, well not really. I just don't want to be insecure about that. It sucks."  She shrugged. "I'll leave my comfort zone if you leave yours?"
Alexithymiaa: "I don't want to promise you anything that I'm not one hundred percent positive that I can give you so I have to ask, what do you mean by leaving my comfort zone? What exactly would you like?"-
Tsaaq: "I don't know, we can actually kiss like we're not eleven years old to start." She answered with a shrug. "I don't know how to describe it. Eli and Bliss are always doing awesome stuff like being cute and affectionate and kissing each other and shit... I want relationship like that." Hayley sighed.
Alexithymiaa: -He furrowed his brows, trying to figure out what she meant. "So... you want Bliss and Eli's relationship?" He asked gently.-
Tsaaq: She frowned a moment. "No. That's weird, they're already together. I mean something like that. I'm sure other people in relationships do cute stuff and are affectionate. They were just an example I can think of..."
Alexithymiaa: "Okay..." He started, trying to collect his thoughts. "You know, it would be a big help if you also did things. You can't possibly expect me to be the one to initiate the affectionate things you're expecting all the time. I believe in an equal partnership here."-
Tsaaq: "I know. And I was trying to before but I sort of gave up because you don't seem into anything and then that one conversation about how you'd rather just adopt kids than actually have sex was discouraging." She sighed. "I want to...  But I don't want to try to initiate stuff and you get all awkward and then I'll look dumb or something and I'll just get sad."
Alexithymiaa: "Wait..." He paused, trying to back track a little. "You're talking about just sex? That's what this is about? I thought you meant like... going out to dinner... and doing cute little things for each other."-
Tsaaq: "No!" Hayley sighed then lowered her head. "It's not just sex, it's that. Sex falls under that category but that's not neccesarily what I'm talking about..." She paused. "When you told me that I took that as you had no desire to be intimate with me at all. I'm not trying to just have sex. I want intimacy. That's physical, mental, emotional..." She sighed.
Alexithymiaa: "Hayley...." He started in, letting out a sigh. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? Because I have a feeling this is going to be a really long conversation and it's already really late."-
Tsaaq: She sighed and nodded her head. "Okay." She said softly with defeat. "I guess I'll get ready for bed then." Hayley said as she lowered her head and began to walk to her room.
Alexithymiaa: "I'll be in, in a minute." He spoke to her, turning to head back into his room, seeing Nikki still seated on the bed next to Lady right where he left her. "Okay, how about you get into bed and get some sleep, okay?" He moved to her and put his hands on her shoulders, gently ushering her back until she was lying down next to the dog. Picking up his blanket, he covered her with it, looking down. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" He turned and walked out of the bedroom, leaving the curtain open and turning to head to Hayley's room for sleeps.-