>>17572549
"It's a cold morning, and as I step off the train and transfer onto a local bus heading downtown the February air bites into my face. This is my eighth winter here in the capital, but you never quite get used to it. I move with the pack and jump onto a commuter bus already parked.

As I take a seat near the back, the bus closes its bay doors and takes off. I look out the window to see the banks of snow, the naked maple trees, the steaming factories across the river. It's my daily routine, but today it fills me with emptiness. I don't know why - I'm exceptionally lucky to be one of the few federal bureaucrats making this trip. At the end of it is a good job with excellent pay. Health insurance. A pension shielded from the ravages of the stock market. Job security. Online people degrade me as a POG, but in the streets my digital camo uniform, beret, and ink-black boots command respect from civilians. All of the heroism for a desk jockey at the DND.

Ever since I enlisted I've been fighting for this job harder than I've fought anything else. Hell, I put more effort into applying for it than I did patrolling in Helmand province. And yet, today I feel as if I've achieved nothing. All I can think about is a singular, stupid phrase.

'Which tuhu wud u fuk.'

It's something I used to spam over and over on message board, guild chats, and phpbb forums. A dumb in-joke paired with the cartoon pornography I used to religiously collect when I was in high school. Hentai, ecchi, touhou. I haven't touched or though about those things in years. So why now?

I have genuine friends at work. A girlfriend of several months. A nest egg that's about to become a down payment on a house in the suburbs. Unlike in high school and in basic training, I'm comfortable talking and joking with others. This is supposed to be the good life. I shouldn't be idolizing my adolescent purgatory, filled with bizarre porn and absurdist humour.

'Which tuhu wud u fuk.'

I hop off the bus. My work place is right next to the platform, but I usually have time to get coffee at the shopping mall across the street. Today, against all proper judgement, I go past the Tim Horton's kiosk and head to a Starbucks inside a bookstore.

I don't even buy a coffee at first. I wander around, looking for manga. Is there still a manga section, do they just sell it online? Even if I do find it, what am I going to do? I need to report to the front desk in 20 minutes or I'll be late and my CO will rake me over the coals. Am I going to buy anything? Will I even recognize what I see? Will store staff judge me a creep for skulking around rows of kids comics at 07:45 on a work day?

I catch a stand of 'featured releases' that I recognize as manga and figure I'm in the right place. As expected, the table is full of new titles I have no memory of. Stuff with titles about little sisters and virtual reality and greek monsters. I keep looking for something that I'm pretty sure I don't know exists and wouldn't recognize.

'Which tuhu wud u fuk.'

I give up and head to work, knowing I'll be back here tonight to resume my investigation."