By the time you read this

Sometimes we fall in love with someone who has no intention of loving us back.

And sometimes all we need to do.. is find ourselves in the midst of losing them.

-----



By the time you read this, I'll be long gone.

By the time you pick up this letter beside the telephone on the table, I would already be on the train away from you.

Away from the memories, away from the pain, away from the uncertainty.

Away from the insanity we call our relationship, fling, flirtation, whatever it's called.


By the time you read this, I would already be looking out the window as I watch the small town we once called home disappear slowly as the train further widens the distance between us.

And maybe, just maybe, the heavy weight that I've been feeling on my heart would lift. As the train takes me away from you, maybe I'll finally find again the solace that I once found in you.

Maybe I'll forget all those lovely nights we had. Every touch, every caress, every kiss.. everything. Maybe I'll forget the nights when you're out of it, when the bottle's drained, that's the only time you'll pull me closer and say all the things you were supposed to tell me.

And all those times I let you in, just for you to disappear into the depths of your own mind again and you lock me out, maybe I'll forget those too.

But not now, not when I'm writing this letter as I sit in our bedroom, my clothes and yours strewn across the floor and trying to decipher which was mine and which was yours, trying to decide whether I leave them or take them. Not when the remnants of our relationship can still be felt in this bedroom where you once held me like I was the only thing holding you to this world and the only thing going through my mind is the number of broken promises between us.

You know exactly how to make me want you. You always knew how to push my buttons. You play me as well as any artist with an instrument. Together, we make beautiful art. But.. you're also the one who has enough of me to break my heart.

I guess in the game called love, the first who falls loses.

You win.