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  1. Mishie> Hmm
  2. 11:16 AM Had a look at it Marceline
  3. 11:17 AM Story feels a bit...  I'm not too sure if bland is the right word, maybe...  Not really all that full of tension or impact?
  4. 11:17 AM Although I'm not sure if it's meant to be deliberate or not at this stage.
  5. 11:17 AM
  6. <Marceline> oh hey
  7. 11:17 AM good to hear
  8. 11:17 AM any thoughts?
  9. 11:17 AM
  10. <•Mishie> Is the main character a second gen cape?
  11. 11:17 AM Because that's the impression that I'm getting
  12. 11:17 AM Which could be fun
  13. 11:17 AM
  14. <Marceline> she isn't meant to be
  15. 11:18 AM
  16. <•Mishie> huh
  17. 11:18 AM
  18. <Marceline> what makes you say that?
  19. 11:18 AM her being second gen i mean
  20. 11:19 AM
  21. <•Mishie> Shame, her talking about the trigger really reminded me of that early scene in Worm with the Undersiders talking about shit.  About how they went through what they did, and then Lisa talks about Glory Girl getting her powers from being fouled at a game or whatever it was.
  22. 11:20 AM
  23. <Marceline> like the trigger event seems mild to you?
  24. 11:20 AM i can sort of see that
  25. 11:20 AM
  26. <•Mishie> not so much mild as much as...
  27. 11:21 AM There's buildup, but no payoff.
  28. 11:21 AM
  29. <Marceline> like it should have escalated more before she triggered?
  30. 11:22 AM
  31. <•Mishie> Right now it kinda feels like Ray is just a caricature of a person, which I feel could work out well if we hadn't seen the conversation and instead we were just running on the main characters biased opinion more obviously.
  32. 11:24 AM Like...
  33. 11:24 AM From what we can see there's been this back and forth between Ray and the protag.
  34. 11:24 AM
  35. <Marceline> mmhmm
  36. 11:26 AM ⇐ thetwomind quit (uid353614@charlton.irccloud.com) Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
  37. 11:26 AM
  38. <•Mishie> Where she's been a shitty person to live with, but the others haven't had the time or patience to put up with it.  She's apparently done something even worse that's been the final straw for them and...
  39. 11:26 AM Hmmm
  40. 11:26 AM Honestly I almost get the feeling like she's a second gen from his shard if that makes sense?
  41. 11:26 AM
  42. <Marceline> huh
  43. 11:26 AM
  44. <•Mishie> Where she's pushed someone there to triggering, and now it's all coming around full circle.
  45. 11:26 AM Which could be a fascinating dynamic to play around with
  46. 11:27 AM
  47. <Marceline> the terrible final straw was resetting the wifi password
  48. 11:27 AM like that's literally it
  49. 11:27 AM
  50. <•Mishie> See that almost sounds like the ending to his trigger
  51. 11:27 AM one of those final straw moments
  52. 11:28 AM
  53. <Marceline> but why would that bother him? he could just change his password himself
  54. 11:28 AM it's literally written on the back of the thing
  55. 11:28 AM
  56. <•Mishie> I dunno, he's your character.
  57. 11:28 AM
  58. <Marceline> well yeah
  59. 11:29 AM but also not really
  60. 11:29 AM
  61. <•Mishie> But based on what I can see, it feels like a clever final straw thing.
  62. 11:29 AM Where it's not so much this specific incident
  63. 11:30 AM As much as the buildup over time, which makes for a great contrast to the protags trigger
  64. 11:30 AM One where it's a variety of incidents of varying degrees over time, culminating in something minor being like a final straw.
  65. 11:30 AM And the other where it's a ramping intensity to something more.
  66. 11:31 AM
  67. <Marceline> you seem to be taking her roommate's ideas of how terrible she is to live with at face value
  68. 11:31 AM
  69. <•Mishie> Well
  70. 11:31 AM The protags internal dialogue kinda supports it pretty heavily tbh
  71. 11:32 AM
  72. <Marceline> i mean, the accusations aren't entirely baseless no
  73. 11:32 AM it's more that their response to her behavior is disproportional
  74. 11:32 AM and cruel
  75. 11:33 AM particularly since they knew she was going to move out soon anyway
  76. 11:35 AM
  77. <•Mishie> It kinda seems like there's very much so a toxic spiral and back and forth between everyone involved
  78. 11:35 AM Like uh
  79. 11:36 AM
  80. <Marceline> sure
  81. 11:36 AM but i feel like it's noteworthy that there's three of them and one of her
  82. 11:36 AM
  83. <•Mishie> oh totally
  84. 11:37 AM But it seems like the trigger is "protag does (or doesn't do) X because they're a mess, roommates complain because X effects them, protag gets worse due to how it effects them, cycle continues"
  85. 11:37 AM With the escalation to the first scene where we see the triggers
  86. 11:38 AM Where Ray has snapped from the stress of it all and is taking it out on the protag, pretty shittily, only for things to get physical and go crazy.
  87. 11:38 AM
  88. <Marceline> i'm pretty confident their anger was more because it was a useful tool for controlling her than them genuinely being that harmed/upset by her
  89. 11:38 AM it's pretty classic abusive behavior
  90. 11:38 AM including the escalation over time
  91. 11:38 AM
  92. <•Mishie> Well I guess if that's how you want to write it.
  93. 11:39 AM
  94. <Marceline> i should probably come out and say this trigger event drew heavily from personal experience
  95. 11:39 AM
  96. <•Mishie> But it feels kind of odd when contrasted with the early scene of-
  97. 11:39 AM Yeah okay then
  98. 11:39 AM Uh
  99. 11:39 AM
  100. <Marceline> every incident mentioned was something that actually happened to me
  101. 11:39 AM
  102. <•Mishie> Yeah sorry, in that case I'm not really comfortable touching shit because no offense, there's going to be a lot of personal bias, which is totally okay, that's going to get in the way of the actual story itself.
  103. 11:40 AM
  104. <Marceline> i'm not trying to argue that actually she's a great roommate and her roommates should have appreciated her
  105. 11:40 AM but
  106. 11:40 AM the stuff they did was still wrong
  107. 11:40 AM
  108. <•Mishie> oh totally
  109. 11:40 AM
  110. <Marceline> and completely disproportionate
  111. 11:41 AM and made the problem worse
  112. 11:41 AM
  113. <•Mishie> Honestly I was initially really interested by the idea of two people driving each other to trigger from their shitty behaviour
  114. 11:41 AM
  115. <Marceline> ray wasn't the one scared of leaving his room
  116. 11:41 AM
  117. <•Mishie> Yeah I'm just going to bow out, sorry.
  118. 11:41 AM
  119. <Marceline> yeah
  120. 11:42 AM i don't wanna bludgeon you with this
  121. 11:42 AM it's just
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