The end times

On April 1rst, I'm going to be evicted for not having a job, or paying rent. There's a set of train tracks that pass through a field nearby. I'm not living a single day as a homeless person. I don't like feeling uneasy about my place in the world. I feel like I'm the lowest one on the totem pole. Always getting yelled at, bossed around, made to feel like my plans don't really matter. Made to think that I'm worthless.

On top of that, I think my girlfriend is going to leave me, maybe not now, maybe sometime later, who knows, but my alarm is blaring loud and clear.... something is changing, everything is changing. I don't like it, but there's nothing I can do. I feel guilty for even writing a blog post down. I shouldn't have to feel guilty about something like this.

I've got so many projects I want to work on, so, so many... But the anxiety I feel, the stress I have on a daily basis, the feeling of being trapped in a house where the harm isn't physical, but emotional, almost to the point of depression, or simply accepting the constant cycles of calm and screaming as normal. IT's not normal, and I'm starting to hate myself a little more each day for it.

finding work is hard for me, the four pillars of the destruction of my self confidence, doing things half assed, being lazy, never finishing any thing,the insults... I feel trapped. I'm a 33 year old man, no drivers license, no job, living with his parents... I don't want your pity, don't need. Despite how you may perceive this post, I don't need a pat on the back. I'm an author, it's what I'm good at. True, sales aren't happening at all, but I'm good at writing. Nothing else I actually want to do, nothing at all.

homeless, single, than dead, lmao... I knew things would wind up this way... not that it matters, tired of believing what people tell me... Juyst fucking exhausted. this note, like all the others, will be largely ignored, in some ways, that's a blessing. After a while, you get used to being alone. Other times, it's just plain depressing.