Shitty Writefag - Equestria Girls: Isolation (unfinished)

>You are Anonymous, resident human of Ponyville, Equestria
>Though you still had slight withdrawal symptoms from the lack of technology, the overall friendliness and peace of Equestria kept you from brooding for too long
>You might experience a few minor annoyances here and there, and more cataclysms than a human has any right of surviving, it's still far better than any life you could have had on Earth
>Best of all, you had actual friends here who cared about you and liked being around you
>Even if you'd sometimes rather they didn't
"Twilight, do we really have to do this? I was planning on relaxing this weekend."
>You were currently sitting at a table with the purple pony princess in the library wing of her new castle/eyesore
>Said mare was trying to ask you about your progress with friendship to send to Celestia
>While you thought it was ridiculous for a grown man to learn about friendship as if you were in a Saturday morning cartoon, apparently that's how Twilight ascended to princesshood, so you kept you mouth shut to avoid a lecture
>Fear of being chewed out doesn't make it any easier to make up something that coincided with your actions
>Every week
>For three damn years
>"Yes Anon, we need to make sure that you're still integrating well into Equestrian society. You might think you know about friendship, but humans are significantly different from ponies."
"How would you know? I'm the only human you've ever met. For all you know humans are nicer than ponies and I'm just a lunatic who's been screwing with you this whole time."
>She looks up at you with that smug-ass smile she gets whenever she knows something she thinks you don't
>"Funny you should mention that. While I agree that you are crazy, you aren't the only human I've met. I've even been to the human world!"
>You sprung up from your seat and slammed your hands down on the table, fixing her with an intense glare
"You had best be fucking joking, Sparkle."

>She gulped and tried to avoid your gaze; ponies always seem to remember how much larger you are than them when you're angry
>"W-well, no, I've actually been there. There's this mirror that acts as a portal between this world and that one."
"What? So you've had a portal back to my world this entire time and you never even bothered to tell me?"
>She snaps back to look you in the eyes
>"No, I haven't had it this entire time! I first went there over a year ago to get back the Element of Magic, which was stolen from me. And even then, it could only be open for three days every thirty moons."
>You cross your arms, keeping your gaze on her
"And you just neglected to tell me that you went to my world, or that there was a way over there at all? I could have waited."
>Her mouth opens to object, but shuts as she hangs her head
>"I told myself that it was because I didn't want you getting your hopes up, but to be honest, I didn't want you to just leave forever. You're my friend."
>Normally you'd be skeptical of something that sappy, but that's how you know Twilight's being genuine
>She'd never do something like that to her friend
>You sat down with a sigh, eyes softening
"Sorry Twilight. I shouldn't have gotten so angry."
>She shook her head
>"No, you were right. I should have told you, but I was being selfish."
"It's alright. At least now we have something to put in that report to Celestia."
>She perks up at this and smiles brightly, our small fight already forgotten as she quickly writes up a letter
>You should probably be the one to write it, but God knows you wouldn't be able to take it seriously in the slightest
>"Okay, done. Now to send it. SPIIIIKE!"
>How a small pony librarian grew such loud lungs you'll never know
"No good, he's at Rarity's. You'd need a professional kidnapper to get the little guy away from there.
>She grumbled and lit up her horn, but you grabbed it between two fingers to stop the magic
"Slow down there, Sulu. I've got us covered."

>Twilight's glare almost matched your own
>While she finds it fascinating that magic has no effect on you whatsoever, she hates it when you use it to screw with her magic
>Before she decides to crush you with a bookshelf, you quickly reach into your bag and bring out something you know she'll like
"Twilight, I present to you, a jar of dragon-fire."
>She gawped at the jar in your hand, the fire reflecting in her wide eyes
>"W-what? But, how? Dragon-fire is very destructive and spreads like crazy! How did you contain it?"
"By tricking you into giving this jar a whole bunch of enchantments. You're very suggestible during back-rubs."
>You couldn't help but smirk at the dark blush that rushes onto her face
>"I-I don't know what you mean. Besides, why did you even think to do this?"
"To give Spike a break. You work the kid harder than an overseer at a Vietnamese sweatshop. I did a bit of research, and discovered that if dragon-fire is contained, then the magic properties are duplicated by the container. So letter goes in, gets sent to Celestia, and the letter she sends back will come through the jar-fire."
>She still stares in wonder at the jar as you pick up the letter
>"Wow, that's so...innovative. Why didn't I think of that?"
"Because pony innovation is awful?"
>She doesn't even acknowledge that you said anything, too engrossed in the fire
>Hoping you didn't accidentally break her, you take the jar and open the lid slightly, letting a small lick of flame seep out
>You hold the letter up to the flame and it's engulfed immediately, the ashes sparking and flying out the window
"See? Now I won't have Spike complaining to me about you waking him up in the middle of the night to send Celestia a seventy page report on parchment. Seriously Twi, that shit isn't normal."
>She bats you on the head with a rolled up parchment
>"Oh ha ha. For your information, that was important."
"Oh? More important than telling me about a link between our worlds?"

>She frowned and averted her gaze sheepishly
>"D-does going back to your world really mean that much to you?"
>You stroke your chin, pretending that you look smart whatsoever
"Hmmm.....meh."
>"Meh?"
"Yup. Meh. I was only really angry because I realized that all this time I could have been eating meat that is one hundred percent guaranteed non-sentient. Or sapient. Whichever."
>She stuck her tongue out in disgust, but thankfully didn't try to lecture you about eating meat
>Learnt her lesson that time when she confiscated the animals you hunted and you threatened to eat her non-sexually if she didn't give them back
>It probably helped that you were half serious
>Animals are hard as balls to catch in Equestria
>"You know...I recently devised a way to open up the portal whenever I want."
"...."
>"W-well?"
"Oh. I was waiting for the part where you tell me that it's only for emergencies because forcing open the fabric of the space-time continuum on a whim is both dangerous and highly irresponsible, and could possibly lead to the destruction of not only our two worlds, but all of reality. But if you say it's safe, then why not?"
>"......actually, I think I'm having second thoughts about this."
>Before she can protest further, the flame leaking from the jar burst forward for a split second before retreating, leaving an envelope in its wake
"Oh good, it works. What's it say?"
>You seal the fire-jar closed as Twilight skims through the letter
>"It says that she's glad that you're learning more about friendship, but that you should work on retaining the lessons, as this is the third time that your temper has flared due to complications in friendship."
"Uhuh. Say, could you pass a quill and some paper? I want to send a reply."
>She levitates the requested items in front of you and you get to work crafting your carefully worded reply
"'Eat...a...dick.'"
>"Anon! You can't send that to the Princess!"
"Ah, You're right! 'Not...mine...though.'"

>Before she can stop you, you twist the lid off and let your eloquent message burn off to her before closing the lid again
>"Anon, that wasn't very friendly."
"Well she shouldn't just assume that a human is going to be friends with others the same way a pony would. In fact, violence and anger are often both a natural part of human bonding."
>"Yeah, I doubt that."
"Whatever, don't believe me. How about you tell me how that portal is supposed to work?"
>"Huh? Oh, well there's a girl in the other world that used to be Celestia's student, but she ran away. She brought a book with her that was magically connected to another book in Celestia's library. Whatever is written in one book, shows up in the other. This magic was still active, even across worlds, and I was able to use the magic in the book to connect the two worlds through a mirror."
"So you basically created a stargate. Welp, I feel inferior as hell right now."
>"Oh shush. Actually, Now that I think about it, I haven't checked the book in a while. I'll be right back."
>She teleported out of the room because apparently subverting the laws of physics is easier than walking up the stairs it is
>Not ten seconds later she pops back into her spot
>"Uh, Anon, I don't know why, but my magic isn't working on the book."
>She bites your sleeve and drags you forward and up the stairs towards her quarters
>It's a lot of fucking stairs
>She gets exhausted before you do
"See, this is why castles are bad. Having huge spires and bedrooms at the top of towers is really fucking inconvenient. 'Hey, someone is attacking the Princess's room! Let's hurry and climb these several dozen flights of stairs in heavy suits of armor!'"
>"Hah...haha..shut..up.."
"When you get guards for this place, have them carry us to the top."
>"That...sounds...nice."
>Several hundred more steps you finally get to the little room that Twilight furnished to look similar to her old room in the library, both of you out of breath

"Oh god. Why did you think this was a good idea?"
>"Sh-shut up and pick up the book."
>You stumble your way over to a book lying open on the floor next to her dresser, with a little sun symbol on the front
>You pick it up and collapse onto Twilight's bed
>"H-hey, you're gonna get sweat all over my sheets."
"Hey, at least my clothes absorb most of my sweat. Yours just goes everywhere."
>She blushes cutely, but your legs hurt too much to care
"So what's wrong with your magic?"
>"I don't think it's my magic, something must be blocking me from using it on the book."
"Heh, maybe I got sweat on it from hauling my way up here last time."
>"..."
"I don't like it when you aren't talking. It scares me."
>"Urgh, come on Anon, we need to check to see if any of your fluids are in there."
"Gross."
>Half an hour of searching later you come across a page with a thin line of red along the edge
"Ah, here we go. I think I remember this, I got a paper cut. Didn't think it was deep enough to bleed."
>Twilight examines the bloodstain closely
>"How are we going to get that out? If we leave it in there, the book's magic won't work, but I can't think of anything that can get rid of it without ruining the book."
>You stare at her for a moment before looking back at the book and calmly ripping off the section with the blood
>"Anon!"
>She snatched the book out of your hands to examine the damage
>"Darn it Anon, why did you do that? You always just do the first thing that pops into your head."
"Yeah, because it usually works."
>"Well I guess this was an exception, wasn't it?"
"Look again, Twiggles."
>She turned her head back to the book, and noticed that she was holding it with magic
>"Oh."
>You chuckle at her and mess up her mane with your hand
>She kicks you in the shin with a blush on her face
>"Don't call me Twiggles."
>Somepony's never heard of the Streisand effect

>She quickly got out a quill and inkpot and started writing in the journal
>She's totally blaming you for not being in contact for the past few weeks
>It's not your fault you can't control where you bleed
"So how do we know if that thing still works?"
>"We'll just have to wait."
>Thankfully the wait wasn't long; barely 5 minutes had passed when the book started glowing a bright pink and making a buzzing sound
"Okay Twilight, I know you like books but that's just ridiculous."
>She shoots you a glare before opening the book to the page she wrote in
>Sure enough, underneath where she wrote there were new lines of text
>It's just a shame that you couldn't read pony-scribbles
>Twilight's diary would have been read long ago
>A few moments later Twilight lets out a loud gasp
"What? What's it say?"
>"She asked if I could come back to their world so I could examine something they found underneath the school."
"..school?"
>"She said that it's some kind of giant egg, and she's never seen anything like it."
"That sounds strange. Why would a giant egg be under a school?"
>"I don't know. Starswirl the Bearded was the one who made the portals originally. Maybe he buried it there a long time ago and they just happened to stumble upon it."
"So what do you think it is? Dragon egg, born of a particularly nasty dragon? Cockatrice egg? A Discord egg?"
>"While I wouldn't put it past Discord to do something weird like that, I think he was somewhere else back then, though I couldn't be sure."
"Meh. I guess we'll just have to head over there and check it out, make sure it isn't anything dangerous."
>"What? You can't come with me! You might be hurt!"
"Twilight, I lived my life in that world for twenty years before I found myself here. In reality, it's more dangerous for you to go than me. I'm used to the shit that place pulls. Also, you owe me for "forgetting" to tell me about the portal."
>Her mouth hung open as she tried to think of an argument, but soon hung her head in defeat


>"Okay, you can come. But I'm going to write a checklist of things for you to take. Go collect them and be back here before sundown."
"Sure thing, Twi."
>You stand there for a moment waiting for her to start writing
"....uhh, Twi?"
>"Y-you should probably go take a shower too. N-not that you stink or anything."
>You take a sniff under your arm
"Perhaps your olfactory receptors just shut themselves off. I wish mine would."
>You turn to leave, preparing for the long walk down
"Make sure you put the portal on the ground floor, too. These stairs are demonic."